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pizza you order by the throat and it comes in a tube bc they just roll the pie up into a cylindar you eat whole
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May 3, 2024 00:57
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Guy who goes around claiming he's some sort of machine wizard. He just has a small piece of emt pipe as his "wand" he puts nuts and screws and filings into, so he can wave it and fling them at people as his "spells"
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May 3, 2024 01:05
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wolverine taking a dump but it keeps regenerating
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May 3, 2024 04:53
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RavenousScoot posted:wolverine taking a dump but it keeps regenerating Wipes forever but it never gets raw. |
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May 3, 2024 05:00
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If it weren't for my old hog and the good Lord they'd have me strung up in the psych ward Country/western songs that may or may not be about dick. |
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May 3, 2024 07:12
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Years ago to increase sales condom companies started making colourful, stylized condoms and putting on small shows of them on models so that the press could take photos Now it's evolved into full-on fashion weeks for penis clothing and accessories. They're taken down the runway and nobody pays attention to who they're attatched to because everyone is zooming in on the schlongs and their trendy outfits. Last year Ryan Gosling modelled and nobody cared or even noticed it was him because all the attention was on the tiny Birkin bag tied to his member |
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May 3, 2024 09:48
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extremely pissed off at the misleading trailer until I realise I’ve bought synoma tickets |
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May 3, 2024 13:36
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Pulling the cord and the curtain opens and there's a big eye! The man in the audience's monocle pops out. "Great scott, what a horror!" Prurient Squid fucked around with this message at 14:45 on May 3, 2024 |
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May 3, 2024 14:37
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A matrix parody where the character the Merovingian is called the narrow-whingey man, and it's the same actor, and he just complains about everything. |
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May 4, 2024 03:40
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One of those characters from movies or old sci-fi who's a librarian or whatever who expounds on how great ~BOOKS!~ are, and how these new fangled tablets and whatever just can't beat a heavy, musty, tangible tome made with real paper you can feel and smell. No sir, he'll go on on and on, when you really want to know about something BOOKS are where it's at, etc. etc.. Turns out he fucks the books. |
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May 4, 2024 08:12
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A guy is interviewing to be a librarian and, knowing how important it is to play it cool, tries to do so. Books? Yeah they're alright, I guess. Not as cute as Sadie Stillwell-- I mean not as chill as paintings are for sure. Most are pretty nerdy to be honest but I think associating with someone like me the '04 football team captain they have the potential to become popular.Drink-Mix Man posted:Turns out he fucks the books. |
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May 4, 2024 08:56
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Oh for crying out loud take your drink. Just because we hate each other doesn't mean I'd poison you in front of the whole party. 'Wait, you hate me?' [flustered blush] I mean hate is a strong term. But everyone knows we're enemies. 'Oh. I hadn't heard that. I actually think of you as a good friend.' ... I... I have to remake this cocktail there's too much vermouth in it. |
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May 4, 2024 10:54
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Death by vermouth poisoning. It turns out someone put vermouth in their drink. |
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May 4, 2024 11:10
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An alchemist gathering the land's premiere skateboarders and BMX men to finally produce the distilled essence of sick. |
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May 4, 2024 12:25
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We shall answer the the question of eternal youth, is it possible to fight sick, with sick *backwards cap, radically concocting* |
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May 4, 2024 12:30
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Karate Bastard posted:Death by vermouth poisoning. It turns out someone put vermouth in their drink. Bartender, aside to camera: "we've been secretly increasing the amount of vermouth in this rear end in a top hat's dry martini. We've just made this one with 1/2 an ounce. Let's see if he notices... 'alright Jake? The usual?'" Jake: "it's Jacob... if you please." Jake takes a sip of his martini, suddenly clutching his throat as though he's been poisoned. He sputters, drink spraying from his mouth. His eyes bulge and his face turns red. He grips the bar and gasps "is.. is this... SHAKEN?? " |
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May 4, 2024 14:41
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villain called The Mailman he's a shapeshifter, but can only take the form of an observer's child
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May 4, 2024 15:18
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This is utterly inane but it came to me after seeing some peoples' drinks in the fridge and now you have to hear about it: It's the Jay-Z & Eminem song 'renegade' except it's now called 'lemonade' and it has both artists fiercely shout-rapping about the refreshment as a metaphor for themselves and also the literal beverage. Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 18:53 on May 4, 2024 |
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May 4, 2024 18:49
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Bright Bart posted:This is utterly inane but it came to me after seeing some peoples' drinks in the fridge and now you have to hear about it: didnt gucci mane already do this e: it doesn't really matter. more songs about lemonade please. best drink
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May 5, 2024 00:15
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a genie who perverts your wishes not like they backfire, they come true, but they're all really horny like this is magic rule34 and yes, the lamp is limp, and when you rub it it emits  instead of smoke while it grows and throbs before your Dirty Djinn sputters and oozes out
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May 5, 2024 01:52
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RavenousScoot posted:a genie who perverts your wishes Robin Williams cartoon genie riffing on your filthiest, most private sexual desires and curiosities brought to spectacular life through the magic of Disney animation. |
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May 5, 2024 07:05
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Your hardcore fetish porn actor when they see vanilla porn for the first time at age 30: Wait, he puts his what in her what?! Like where babies come from?! That's so gross. And don't give me that about procreation he's clearly wearing a rubber and plus it's 2024 you can get pregnant if you want without sticking that in there. *shudders* |
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May 5, 2024 09:52
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A new McDonalds fries machine ASMR genre of music. |
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May 5, 2024 10:21
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Joist Chasers, a crack team of framers and carpenters take on haunted and structurally unsound buildings, chasing down load bearing members installed and deviously hidden by a twisted mind without a plan nor appreciation of the value of human life, this week: Groverhaus 
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May 5, 2024 13:05
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Bright Bart posted:Your hardcore fetish porn actor when they see vanilla porn for the first time at age 30: Is that it? He just finishes? Without groveling or begging for permission? There wasn't even any hot spaghetti. I don't know how anyone gets off to this stuff. |
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May 5, 2024 13:43
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Going through your goth phase but what you mean by that is the technique of incorporating empty space into the structure as in gothic revival style and actually your body takes on the infinitely porous form of a menger sponge? |
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May 5, 2024 13:44
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The Twilight Zone, the dreaded place-between-worlds that is extremely glittery and sucky. |
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May 5, 2024 15:35
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Me: It's 2022, nobody wears bangs now. Friend: Yeah lol. But you wrote a typo. It's 2024. Time files, huh Me: No I think I'm right. Let me show you right here on my phone it says that it's OH poo poo oh poo poo oh poo poo I have to call my wife, my broker, and my parole officer right loving now Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 19:12 on May 5, 2024 |
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May 5, 2024 15:56
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A man suggests that medicine would make leaps and bounds if a small camera was inserted into the human body to allow the inner organs to be examined. His suggestion is laughed to scorn. In fact they laugh even harder than the guy who tried to make a musical instrument in which an elaborate set of keys activate a series of tiny hammers to strike pieces of string. This all takes place in alternate reality where people are too smartass to try anything interesting and so they are stuck forever in a technological level far bellow their potential. |
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May 5, 2024 17:07
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And Elon is living his best life as a career comedian just like he always wanted. |
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May 5, 2024 17:29
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Prurient Squid posted:Going through your goth phase but what you mean by that is the technique of incorporating empty space into the structure as in gothic revival style and actually your body takes on the infinitely porous form of a menger sponge? lol Bright Bart posted:Me: It's 2022, nobody wears bangs now. i wear bangs like it's 2021
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May 5, 2024 18:46
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Bangin' |
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May 5, 2024 18:52
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Everyone curls their bangs towards their face or straightens them, how come nobody curls them outwards like the brim of a hat? |
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May 5, 2024 19:07
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Plenty clowns do. |
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May 5, 2024 21:16
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having to ripstart your stomach and leave it running during/after eating
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May 6, 2024 00:15
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