|
Tony Danza Claus posted:Oh my sweet summer child. E: dammit, I ruined the new page again!
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 07:40
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 29, 2024 12:45 |
|
|
Where do Absolute Fuckers go?
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 10:55
|
|
|
crazypeltast52 posted:So I updated this post with the quoted texts and moved deeper into the proto-bad thread. We are still before the time of the absolute fucker, but beneath the surface a dark rage is brewing. GRRM has just missed a deadline for finishing Dance, destroying expectations that it would be published in the fall of 2008. drat these two are excellent post more please.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 11:34
|
|
|
Tony Danza Claus posted:Oh my sweet summer child. Soon, the rage will build again and we will be summoned back to our home. When the cold winds blow, and talk of naught else but pizza and football fills the Notablog...then these summer children will grow bitter and blow the Horn of Bummey to wake the Wild Cards from their slumber. El Hefe posted:drat these two are excellent post more please. Soon enough you will hear the tales of Winnie the Pooh Targaryen, Geodude, and Sandor Clegane P.I. And you will learn that in the grim darkness of the far future, there are only lemon cakes. Truly, that was a golden age of fan fiction. Devorum fucked around with this message at 11:57 on Apr 19, 2012 |
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 11:50
|
|
|
I have all the ones I wrote in a word document. Also in my last will and testament, with Gurm as the executor.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 11:51
|
|
|
You get all kinds of funny stuff after naming your CK2 characters after asoiaf: Actually, my current game has some asoiaf level political intrigue going on right there. I used the new ruler editor dlc to modify the duke of Lancaster and made him Tywin of the house Lannister. His culture is still Saxon, but he couldn't stop the norman invasion and king Harold was deposed by William the Conqueror. Tywin married and got three daughters, Cersei being the eldest. The names of the two others I don't remember and I just went with what the game proposed, because hey, what are the other Lannister girl names besides Cersei? I don't remember. Anyway, Tywin of Lancaster led a plot with duke of York about lowering the crown authority of the kingdom of England. This was after William had made Tywin his marshal. When the plot matured and Tywin presented his ultimatum, William refused and his marshal declared war. Both sides were pretty even, but Tywin fell in battle and his lands were divided between his three daughters equally, because the duchy's succession law was agnatic-cognatic gavelkind. So duchess Cersei the first of her name, duchess of Lancaster and countess of both Lancaster and Leicester had only two meagre counties in her demesne. Her both sisters were her vassals. At first I tried to plot to have my sisters killed, but not enough people were willing to join. The first sister's guardian, some bishop would've added whooping 40% to the plot's strength, but no matter what gifts 16-year-old Cersei gave him, he didn't want to join in a murder attempt against his 14-year-old ward. Solution: I sent my marshal to the sister's county and threw her rear end in my jail. She lived perhaps five years there before dying and passing her title to Cersei. Cool. Then I sent my marshal to my other sister's land after she had turned 16 and gotten married. She could have had kids, so in order to get my lands back I had to prevent that. I tried to arrest her too, but the attempt failed and she rebelled against me. I put the rebel down and threw her in jail where she lived for perhaps 25 years before finally dying. To ensure such problems wouldn't occur anymore I changed the succession law to agnatic-cognatic primogeniture. Everything goes to the eldest child, bitches. At that point I had already had several children: the eldest Myrcella, the eldest boy Joffrey, the middle boy Tommen and some girls and a boy in addition. I married them across the land to get nice alliances. Myrcella became duke of Normandy's wife and died of illness at the age of 30. Tommen died even younger a maimed cripple. But Joffrey is well. Really well. You see, when he turned 16, I betrothed him to the 13-year-old duchess of Kent. When she turned 16, they married and he went to her court. Meanwhile king William had died and got succeeded by his son king Robert I the Lion. I betrothed one of my daughters to his son, prince Savec (or Salem or Savem or something like that). It took me years to notice they had no kids even though my daughter had the "attractive" trait. Meanwhile I had joined another plot to lower England's crown authority. This war went on for eleven years and the king of France participated on our side. During the war I noticed that prince Savec, heir to the throne of England had the worst trait in the game: inbred! -5% to fertility and lots of other penalties. Sorry daughter. King Robert was in his 60s and had gotten wounded in the battle, so he promptly died. Enter king Savec the drooling idiot. Duchies of Northumberland and York declared wars of independence as did I. Duchess of Kent decided to declare war for the English throne, since apparently she had the claim! I get enough warscore, enforce my demands and become independent. I press my claim to a small Irish county and proceed to ask to join Kent's duchess' war, which she gladly accepts. Meanwhile king Savec, now known as Savec the Lame is also excommunicated. Team Duchess quickly subdues his forces and my daughter-in-law's command is pressed. She's now queen of England and my son Joffrey is king consort! When I saved and stopped playing, they had already had a son. Little Aldred is my grandson, heir to my heir Joffrey and heir to his mother the queen. My realm is still independent - there's a large duchy of Lancaster between kingdoms of England and Scotland. I don't want to swear fealty to the queen, because she's Norman and the game has high chances of converting Norman and Saxon cultures into the English if they're in too close contact with each other. I played with the idea of swearing fealty to the Scottish, Norwegian, Danish or Swedish king or maybe the emperor of the Holy Roman Empire, but not now. Unless someone kills my grandson, the Lannisters will be kings of England within two generations. e: oh, and Savec is now merely a duke of Bedford. And he hates me and his queen both. Rurik fucked around with this message at 12:37 on Apr 19, 2012 |
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 12:33
|
|
|
What loving game is that? It looks amazing.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 13:28
|
|
|
Crusader Kings 2, I believe.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 13:35
|
|
|
Devorum posted:Soon enough you will hear the tales of Winnie the Pooh Targaryen, Geodude, and Sandor Clegane P.I. Gregor Clegane, PI. GREGOR. Sandor would actually be a good noir hero. He's tortured, gruff, has a heart of gold, and does his job well. Gregor is... less so.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 13:53
|
|
|
People keep telling me to get CK2 and I keep forgetting, so thanks for reminding me so I can forget again.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 13:56
|
|
|
I need to loving get that game. I keep seeing it on steam and thinking "I should totally make a Berric Dondarrion ripoff."
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 14:23
|
|
|
Fuuuuuck, want to play that so badly now. I have all this poo poo to do, and I'm going to be pissing and moaning now because I'd rather play that and drink beer. And BoT, you should post all of GREGOR, P.I. because I think I missed one.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 15:01
|
|
|
Xiahou Dun posted:Fuuuuuck, want to play that so badly now. I have all this poo poo to do, and I'm going to be pissing and moaning now because I'd rather play that and drink beer. I think this is it here: quote:A large office, for a large man. Filled with smoke, the air circles lazily as the ceiling fan whispers away through eternity. I sit at the lone desk, feet up, lights off, blinds closed. The only illumination leaks through the slats of the blinds, cutting solid blades of white fire through the room. edit: VVVV Well okay, jeeze. I'll let BoT post the rest of it cuz I don't know where it all is. We should go ahead and go with that one dude's suggestion and mail all our lovely fanfiction to gurm. Instead of saying "This is what happens when you gently caress with us," we should just leave a simple "HAVE A WILDCARDS CHRISTMAS" or something else cruelly ironic. Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at 15:21 on Apr 19, 2012 |
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 15:14
|
|
|
Dude, there were like 5 more after that. Gregor gets all over everyone's poo poo.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 15:17
|
|
|
After watching the latest episode (where Greggor and Co. are looking for Gendry, decides to kill everyone instead), I am convinced Greggor would make a good private eye.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 15:35
|
|
|
That was Amory Lorch you goofball.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 15:43
|
|
|
Dead Man Posting posted:After watching the latest episode (where Greggor and Co. are looking for Gendry, decides to kill everyone instead), I am convinced Greggor would make a good private eye. How did you think that was Greggor? Greggor won't show up until after they're at Harenhall.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 16:03
|
|
|
Yeah I was wrong. I thought HBO did another "Let's change this around so our viewers don't get confused" thing, but in my defense I was pretty drunk after watching a hockey game (then that episode after) and it was a dark scene.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 16:33
|
|
|
my cat is norris posted:Crusader Kings 2, I believe.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 16:34
|
|
|
Dead Man Posting posted:Yeah I was wrong. I thought HBO did another "Let's change this around so our viewers don't get confused" thing, but in my defense I was pretty drunk after watching a hockey game (then that episode after) and it was a dark scene. He even says he's Amory Lorch dude.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 17:04
|
|
|
Just read the Red Wedding. I'm normally a genre savvy guy but this loving series has got me 4 times, Ned, Bran+Rickon fakeout, Renly and now this, goddamnit. My motivation to keep going is just gone, I see the next chapter is Tyrions, should I just plow on?
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 17:13
|
|
|
Aciiiiiiiiiiiiiiid posted:Just read the Red Wedding. I'm normally a genre savvy guy but this loving series has got me 4 times, Ned, Bran+Rickon fakeout, Renly and now this, goddamnit. My motivation to keep going is just gone, I see the next chapter is Tyrions, should I just plow on? Jaime gets an awkward boner for Brienne. Of course you need to keep reading.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 17:15
|
|
|
I can't wait to read more of Zombie Cat, Lem and Co., Brienne and Jaime in the next boo-oh gently caress  The hanging that was in the epilogue of one of the books that featured this plot line was easily the most vivid in terms of imagery in the series.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 17:17
|
|
|
Xiahou Dun posted:And BoT, you should post all of GREGOR, P.I. because I think I missed one. Sure. The continuing adventure of Ser Gregor Clegane, as you will. quote:It was midday, but the streets of King's Landing were pitch black. The clouds overhead were an angry face, glaring down at everyone, threatening to collapse into sudden noise and invasive light. As I approached the scene, the first few drops of rain had begun to fall. I thought there was more than just three chapters, too. Welp! I should do something about that, I guess.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 17:19
|
|
|
Blade_of_tyshalle posted:Sure. The continuing adventure of Ser Gregor Clegane, as you will. These ae really good.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 17:31
|
|
|
I'd also post the infamous Winnie the Pooh one, but I would rather not be banned. (Also, the novelty shock kind of wears off after reading so many GRRM books anyway)
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 17:48
|
|
|
Aciiiiiiiiiiiiiiid posted:Just read the Red Wedding. I'm normally a genre savvy guy but this loving series has got me 4 times, Ned, Bran+Rickon fakeout, Renly and now this, goddamnit. My motivation to keep going is just gone, I see the next chapter is Tyrions, should I just plow on? Jon dies, AFFC/ADWD suck poo poo, Arya goes blind, Bran becomes a tree, Tyrion rides a pig, and Dany shits water in the desert for an entire book. In other words, yes, plow on!
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 18:16
|
|
|
From the non-spoiler threadBlind Sally posted:Dany doesn't need a naval fleet if she has dragons. Right now her problem seems to be surviving long enough so that the dragons can grow large enough to be a viable option. Oh, I only wish this was true 
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 18:49
|
|
|
Aciiiiiiiiiiiiiiid posted:Just read the Red Wedding. I'm normally a genre savvy guy but this loving series has got me 4 times, Ned, Bran+Rickon fakeout, Renly and now this, goddamnit. My motivation to keep going is just gone, I see the next chapter is Tyrions, should I just plow on? After Tyrion shoots Tywin in the gut on the shitter, then you'll know that everything after is poo poo.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 18:50
|
|
|
I really liked the A Song of Ice and Wire crossover fanfic. Someone post that.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 18:58
|
|
|
Tony Danza Claus posted:Jon is dead. Ghost acts dumber than before, though, and is always humping Dolorous Edd.  Please write this as Jon's next POV chapter, GRRM.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 21:15
|
|
|
Anyone remembers who gives Sansa the hairnet with the poison beads that kills Joffrey?
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 21:17
|
|
|
El Hefe posted:Anyone remembers who gives Sansa the hairnet with the poison beads that kills Joffrey? Queen of Thorns.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 21:18
|
|
|
Actually, Dontos is the one who physically gives it to her, in one of their Godswood meetings.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 21:20
|
|
|
Thanks it was killing me haha.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 21:20
|
|
|
Arnold of Soissons posted:After Tyrion shoots Tywin in the gut on the shitter, then you'll know that everything after is poo poo. I can see a review for the 5th and 6th seasons of the show now: "When Tywin gave up the ghost, all quality died with him."
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 21:21
|
|
|
Urdnot Fire posted:Actually, Dontos is the one who physically gives it to her, in one of their Godswood meetings. Yup, and he's all "you have to wear this at the wedding. it's magical! And then I think one of the Queen of Thorn's lackies is all "here let me fix your hairnet" and then Joff claws out his throat.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 21:22
|
|
|
Greatbacon posted:Yup, and he's all "you have to wear this at the wedding. it's magical! And then I think one of the Queen of Thorn's lackies is all "here let me fix your hairnet" and then Joff claws out his throat. Does Varys know that it was not Tyrion or does he just not care? TrickyTrev fucked around with this message at 22:02 on Apr 19, 2012 |
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 21:58
|
|
|
A chapter from Storm of Swords that ended up on the cutting room floor: Joffrey His nails dug into the soft flesh of his neck, hands becoming slicker and slicker from the leaking blood as he clawed. The small folk around him gawped and stared, the simple minded fools! Why wasn't anyone helping? He was their king, their master! Suddenly dizzy, he pitched forward, crashing into the dining table. He felt nothing as he slipped onto the floor, silverware and broken plates crashing down around him. His vision began to darken at the edges when he tried and failed to drag in a long breath into his burning lungs. He was near on the edge of consciousness when he felt a peculiar tugging at his mind and suddenly all was bright light. *** The next moment, wind buffeted his face, his body, his...wings? In an instant of panic, the world pitched below and around him as he tried desperately to gain his bearings. He was a bird! The Seven save him, he was a bird and he was flying! He caught a brief glance of a three-eyed crow lifting toward the sun and started. Confusion broke his concentration and he flapped downward in a dizzying half-controlled spiral toward some dingy street below. Bouncing off the side of some building, he crashed hard onto packed earth and lie there barely conscious. What had happened to him? Before he could even begin to piece together his surroundings or predicament, something had closed hard around his body. He felt himself lifted roughly away from the ground. Through clouded eyes he spied what seemed to be a grubby-faced street urchin holding him tight. He tried to flap his wings, tried to get away, but as he did so the urchin calmly smashed him against a nearby stone wall and he felt no more. *** "Mr. Lemon, I caught a pigeon!" Bummy yelled as he exploded into the tumble-down shack. "Ahh, yes, let me see it then!" Mr. Lemon turned and reached for the bloody bird in the child's hands, fingers lingering a bit too long on the smooth wrists of the orphan. That was the way Mr. Lemon was; he might touch you a bit and make you wait, but he'd never cheat you out of your supper if you brought him a bird. "So you have child. Here, have a sit over there while I get this in the pot and get your bowl of brown." Bummy did as he was told, taking a seat in the rotting chair against the wall. The smell of the soup was intoxicating, but he knew he had to wait. Just a bit. Just a bit longer before his feast. Mr. Lemon made short work of plucking the pigeon and pulling off the beak and legs before tossing the wretched thing into the boiling pot. "We'll just need to wait on that to finish cooking," He took a seat in the chair next to Bummy, hands already moving roughly across the child's knee. "Now, child, sweet child, have I told you about the giants north of the wall? And their leader Lord Manning?" And so his tired story began. Every time it was like this, Bummy recalled. For his part, Joffery Baratheon just stewed.
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 21:58
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 29, 2024 12:45 |
|
|
HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR http://store.hbo.com/game-of-thrones-hodor-t-shirt/detail.php?p=362322&v=hbo_shows_game-of-thrones
|
|
#
?
Apr 19, 2012 22:03
|
|
