ASoIaF: A Song of Ice and Fire: George Rail Road Martin

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bigmcgaffney: Apr 19, 2009

Last night I woke in a cold sweat from the most spine-tingling nightmare I have ever had. I swear I can still feel the clammy touch of GRRM's soggy phantom penis near my rear end in a top hat and his slimy belly pressing against my lower back. I feel like Patrick Swayze in Ghost except I think I now have shitass.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 07:49

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 02:06

Mayne: Mar 22, 2008; To crooked eyes truth may wear a wry face.

e: wrong thread

# ? Apr 26, 2012 09:01

Rurik: Mar 5, 2010; Thief
Warrior
Gladiator
Grand Prince

Martin Van Buren posted:

I would actually love it if grrm unceremoniously killed Dany and had Jaime, Cersei, and Tyrion wind up with the dragons.

SpaceMost posted:

A strong wind blows her off Drogon while she's crossing the sea and she's never seen again.

Really, the only solution that would make Dany not suck anymore is her being revealed as a red herring. If she takes the Iron Throne, all that Meereen stuff will still have been stupid. But if she's not important in the end, then it doesn't matter.

Having her fall off Drogon would work. Or Drogon simply flying away now that she met a new khalasar. They would either take her to Vaes Dothraki or kill her, since I think she made some threats to the current khal when they last met.

whowhatwhere posted:

Speaking of, someone really needs to start repping them:

It would be awesome if people took avatars such as Margaery, Sansa, Dany etc. with that tag. An extra level of gurmy symbolism. :v:

# ? Apr 26, 2012 09:14

Azure_Horizon: Mar 27, 2010; by Reene

bigmcgaffney posted:

Last night I woke in a cold sweat from the most spine-tingling nightmare I have ever had. I swear I can still feel the clammy touch of GRRM's soggy phantom penis near my rear end in a top hat and his slimy belly pressing against my lower back. I feel like Patrick Swayze in Ghost except I think I now have shitass.

hmm.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 09:20

Zephonith: Jun 25, 2008; Maybe if I actually played Mafia, I'd get a better gift from my Mafia Secret Santa.

Finally finished reading A Dance with Dragons. Survived by skimming the boring chapters then reading up on the important bits from them in the wiki.

Inspired by the chart in the OP, I made a few of my own:

# ? Apr 26, 2012 10:04

Octy: Apr 1, 2010

Well, there are a lot of whores in ADWD. What other word can you possibly use to describe them?

# ? Apr 26, 2012 10:06

Zephonith: Jun 25, 2008; Maybe if I actually played Mafia, I'd get a better gift from my Mafia Secret Santa.

I was going to do a corresponding one for "bastard" but I hit the word 40 times in the first 100 pages of Game of Thrones and gave up.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 10:08

hailthefish: Oct 24, 2010

Zephonith posted:

Finally finished reading A Dance with Dragons. Survived by skimming the boring chapters then reading up on the important bits from them in the wiki.

Inspired by the chart in the OP, I made a few of my own:

I was inspired, so I made a chart of my own:

# ? Apr 26, 2012 10:14

Joramun: Dec 1, 2011; No man has need of candles when the Sun awaits him.

Dead Man Posting posted:

So yes I still watch south park even though it's complete poo poo nowadays

That is a heinous lie. It's still utterly brilliant.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 10:39

02-6611-0142-1: Sep 30, 2004

A friend of mine threw a theory at me that I quite like. It's about the magic system in these books. I'd be keen to see if any of you had any input.

His theory is basically this:

There are no gods. There are two (possibly more) supernatural forces at work in the world, ice and fire. For some reason, they are out of balance, which is why the seasons are so whacked. When they get really far out of balance, even whackeder things happen. Too much ice and you get the Long Night. Too much fire and you get the Doom of Valyria. The "song of ice and fire" is a person or event who will bring them back into balance.

The "poles" of the world, supernaturally, would be the Land of Always Winter and the Shadow Beyond Asshai. The dragons are a manifestation of the fire and the Others are a manifestation of the ice, but neither are necessarily good or evil, just two forces of nature in opposition. The maesters are on some level aware of all of this, and are trying to remove the nullify the power of magic altogether because they're aware of the damage it causes. The other gods (the old gods, the drowned god, whatever) are probably manifestations of these two forces.

To this I add my own theory, that the many-faced god/the seven (who are the same thing) is a third magic of some sort, because Melisandre recognizes them as real god at some point. She talks about the red god, the many-faced god, and the Other.

There hasn't been any evidence I can think of where the Seven have done anything actually magical, but we see in the magic of the faceless men that they're obsessed with the idea of balance (example, Jaquen will kill three men for three lives saved, the faceless men will only kill a person if it bankrupts another person), so maybe it's a third force between the two that tries to regulate them or something. To go out on an even bigger limb, this might explain the interest of the Faceless Men in Oldtown.

This sort of thing will probably be elaborated on when Dany gets to Asshai, so in the final book, I guess. I like this idea a lot.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 10:50

02-6611-0142-1: Sep 30, 2004

Oh, and the Starks and the Targaryens are in the story as metaphors to kind of highlight each element. The Starks are cold and humorless, they are good at ruling but they lose wars, while the Targaryens are crazy as poo poo and bad at ruling, but good at conquering things. The Targs are from close to the fire-pole, the starks are from close to the ice-pole. Which is why Jon is a perfect character to be the 'balancer' or whatever.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 10:56

Junkenstein: Oct 22, 2003

Yeah, there's been a lot of theories like that over the years, and it all fits quite well. The thing is, Martin doesn't really do magic systems or anything like that as such, so I doubt we're going to get any exposition on this stuff. I don't think we're going to get explicit answers for questions like which gods, if any, are real, or why the dragons came back now. I might be wrong though, there's definitely some strange magic stuff afoot in the Citadel, and Martin has always said the weird seasons have a magical reason. Whether he means to tell us what that reason is, I can't say. He won't, because that would involve writing.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 11:03

Sexpansion: Mar 22, 2003; DELETED

hailthefish posted:

I was inspired, so I made a chart of my own:

I approve of this chart.

I was thinking about the poster who said that Martin's real interest was writing the War of the Roses part of the story and not the fantasy story (sorry that was a good post but I can't remember who it was). I was thinking this might not be the case.

What if Jon is the red herring? That would be pretty great if aSoIaF turns up being a near complete inversion of the heroic journey - Jon (and maybe Bran) end up leading the walkers against westeros from above the wall and Dany saves everyone.

I mean obviously it's more likely that Jon and Dany will end up riding dragons and getting married and saving the realm blah blah blah, but I wouldn't put it past Martin to still have some formal invention up his sleeve.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 14:00

Junkenstein: Oct 22, 2003

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of when Dance got sent to the publishers.

It's now officially a year since GURM wrote anything.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 14:06

thornghost: Oct 11, 2010; I have a picture of me with GRRM. He looks less than enthused.

Junkenstein posted:

It's now officially a year since GURM wrote anything.

Has he really not written any Wild Cards for a whole year? Wow, the TV show really must be keeping him busy.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 14:25

Blade_of_tyshalle: Jul 12, 2009; If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.

Consulting on Ros scenes is a full-time job. He has to watch films for research, clean up, write the scenes, clean up, writhe around in his own offal, clean up, be on set for the filming, clean up, rape and murder an underaged thai ladyboy, then head over to the edit suites to make sure it all falls together. Not a lot of time to create the next adventure of Old Man Trapped in a Girl's Body and Raped and Impregnated By His Own Son.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 14:28

Joramun: Dec 1, 2011; No man has need of candles when the Sun awaits him.

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

rape and murder an underaged thai ladyboy

Are you sure that is the chronological sequence of events? I would have expected it to be murder, then rape.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 14:33

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

writhe around in his own offal

Mods, can we get a word filter that changes "blogging" to this?

# ? Apr 26, 2012 14:53

Blade_of_tyshalle: Jul 12, 2009; If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.

Joramun posted:

Are you sure that is the chronological sequence of events? I would have expected it to be murder, then rape.

That would be merciful. The Albuquerque Strangler is unfamiliar with this concept.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 15:09

Joramun: Dec 1, 2011; No man has need of candles when the Sun awaits him.

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

That would be merciful. The Albuquerque Strangler is unfamiliar with this concept.

It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. Right? And this anus was just dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Blogging's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember. I need to remember. Sometimes there's so much rape in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 15:19

Fog Tripper: Mar 3, 2008; by Smythe

Zephonith posted:

My math sucks, but if season 1-2 had X% of whore sexposition, it looks great on the boobie front for future seasons.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 16:04

Fog Tripper: Mar 3, 2008; by Smythe

Sexpansion posted:

What if Jon is the red herring? That would be pretty great if aSoIaF turns up being a near complete inversion of the heroic journey - Jon (and maybe Bran) end up leading the walkers against westeros from above the wall

Who is to say that the Walkers aren't really the good guys, the natural state of the realm may very well be frozen, and the walkers are angry about the global warming that the humans inflicted on them?

Perspective, motherfuckers. Humans are a blight on the clean snowscape.

thornghost posted:

Has he really not ~~written~~ edited any Wild Cards for a whole year?

You know nothing, thornghost.

Fog Tripper fucked around with this message at 16:11 on Apr 26, 2012

# ? Apr 26, 2012 16:07

Urdnot Fire: Feb 13, 2012

Fog Tripper posted:

My math sucks, but if season 1-2 had X% of whore sexposition, it looks great on the boobie front for future seasons.

Maybe it's just part of them bringing elements of the later books in early.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 16:15

Joramun: Dec 1, 2011; No man has need of candles when the Sun awaits him.

Fog Tripper posted:

Who is to say that the Walkers aren't really the good guys, the natural state of the realm may very well be frozen, and the walkers are angry about the global warming that the humans inflicted on them?

Perspective, motherfuckers. Humans are a blight on the clean snowscape.

The real monster is man.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 16:15

Blade_of_tyshalle: Jul 12, 2009; If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.

Joramun posted:

It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. Right? And this anus was just dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Blogging's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember. I need to remember. Sometimes there's so much rape in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.

Westerosi Beauty, totally starring Kevin Spacey as the Hound.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 16:22

Smashurbanipal: Sep 12, 2009; ASK ME ABOUT BEING A SHITTY POSTER

Lemoncakes instead of roses. For as we all know, the lemoncake represents rapey love in the courtly game of pastries.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 16:49

Xiahou Dun: Jul 16, 2009; We shall dive down through black abysses... and in that lair of the Deep Ones we shall dwell amidst wonder and glory forever.

Ashrik posted:

While the change in Margaery makes it seems like we'll have no Queen Of Thorns, I'll still hold out hope for a last minute signing of Jessica Lange in future seasons.

That's the worst typo I've ever seen : it's spelled 'Maggie Smith'.

(Also has the bonus of letting me splice footage of Game of Thrones and Downton Abbey together. )

# ? Apr 26, 2012 17:06

Sexpansion: Mar 22, 2003; DELETED

Xiahou Dun posted:

That's the worst typo I've ever seen : it's spelled 'Maggie Smith'.

(Also has the bonus of letting me splice footage of Game of Thrones and Downton Abbey together. )

Even though Maggie Smith is the most obvious choice, she would still be perfect.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 17:25

Junkenstein: Oct 22, 2003

Helen loving Mirren. End of.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 17:37

thornghost: Oct 11, 2010; I have a picture of me with GRRM. He looks less than enthused.

Ashrik posted:

While the change in Margaery makes it seems like we'll have no Queen Of Thorns, I'll still hold out hope for a last minute signing of Jessica Lange in future seasons.

Xiahou Dun posted:

That's the worst typo I've ever seen : it's spelled 'Maggie Smith'.

Junkenstein posted:

Helen loving Mirren. End of.

New thread title:

"A Dance With Dragons - Which Old Lady is the Best?"

# ? Apr 26, 2012 18:25

Factor_VIII: Feb 2, 2005; Les soldats se trouvent dans la v�rit�.

thornghost posted:

New thread title:

"A Dance With Dragons - Which Old Lady is the Best?"

Wouldn't it be more in the spirit of Gurm to use the term "GILF" instead of "Old Lady"?

# ? Apr 26, 2012 18:27

General Battuta: Feb 7, 2011; This is how you communicate with a fellow intelligence: you hurt it, you keep on hurting it, until you can distinguish the posts from the screams.

Factor_VIII posted:

Wouldn't it be more in the spirit of Gurm to use the term "GILF" instead of "Old Lady"?

A Dance with Dragon Age 2

# ? Apr 26, 2012 18:28

vseslav.botkin: Feb 18, 2007; Professor

Factor_VIII posted:

Wouldn't it be more in the spirit of Gurm to use the term "GILF" instead of "Old Lady"?

GILR, good ser. GILR.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 18:32

IRQ: Sep 9, 2001; SUCK A DICK, DUMBSHITS!

hailthefish posted:

I was inspired, so I made a chart of my own:

Um excuse me but plenty of poo poo happens in ADWD, it all comes out of Dany though.

# ? Apr 26, 2012 18:36

Xiahou Dun: Jul 16, 2009; We shall dive down through black abysses... and in that lair of the Deep Ones we shall dwell amidst wonder and glory forever.