Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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C. Everett Koop: Aug 18, 2008

A good article about TFF's favorite QB:

http://espn.go.com/espn/feature/story/_/id/11382220/ex-nfl-qb-jared-lorenzen-lifelong-battle-weight

# ? Aug 21, 2014 23:11

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 11:02

R.D. Mangles: Jan 10, 2004

C. Everett Koop posted:

A good article about TFF's favorite QB:

http://espn.go.com/espn/feature/story/_/id/11382220/ex-nfl-qb-jared-lorenzen-lifelong-battle-weight

Jared Lorezen is a loving hero:

quote:

"I'd rather watch grass grow than watch Big Ten football," he says.

# ? Aug 21, 2014 23:57

Truther Vandross: Jun 17, 2008

he probably just likes being able to stake claim as the fattest person in attendance so he's bitter toward the B1G

# ? Aug 22, 2014 02:03

RC and Moon Pie: May 5, 2011

sportsgenius86 posted:

he probably just likes being able to stake claim as the fattest person in attendance so he's bitter toward the B1G

Indeed.

# ? Aug 22, 2014 05:17

poly and open-minded: Nov 22, 2006; In BOD we trust

Apt name

# ? Aug 22, 2014 05:52

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

HE REDSHIRTED HIS first year at Kentucky, and that's when his stomach turned into a gut. After the season, the coaches sent a student trainer to live with Lorenzen and get him to stick to a diet. At the beginning of spring practice, Mumme checked in. The student trainer had gained 10 pounds.

"I just said, 'Eh, nobody made Babe Ruth train,'" Mumme says.

This is one of the best things I've read all year.

# ? Aug 22, 2014 06:48

morestuff: Aug 2, 2008; You can't stop what's coming

This kind of screams stunt, but:

# ? Aug 22, 2014 19:22

So It Goes: Feb 18, 2011

MourningView posted:

Looks like Matt Hinton is on staff at Grantland now. When the site first started out their college football coverage seemed like a complete afterthough (probably because Simmons doesn't give a poo poo about college sports) but between Hinton, Holly Anderson, and the occasional Chris Brown piece it might be the strongest part of the site now. I assume that's mostly Sharp's doing.

I wish Grantland's NFL coverage was better, especially considering it's the most popular sport. I guess my opinion is heavily influenced by the fact I don't care for Barnwell's articles.

# ? Aug 23, 2014 14:27

Dutchy: Jul 8, 2010

Bill Barnwell is a very versatile writer. Sometimes he writes about regression to the mean in the context of record in one score games, and sometimes he does it regarding turnovers.

# ? Aug 23, 2014 14:37

midwat: May 6, 2007

Dutchy posted:

Bill Barnwell is a very versatile writer. Sometimes he writes about regression to the mean in the context of record in one score games, and sometimes he does it regarding turnovers.

Barnwell is afraid of writing a good article, because it'd mean he'd have a sizable regression coming up.

midwat fucked around with this message at 03:18 on Aug 24, 2014

# ? Aug 24, 2014 03:12

Ribsauce: Jul 29, 2006; Blacks in the back.

Haters gonna hate, but I look forward to thank you for not coaching every week.

Also, one of my favorite annual traditions is Barnwell losing it over a kicker getting a big contract.

# ? Aug 24, 2014 15:30

Whirlwind Jones: Apr 13, 2013; by Lowtax

Who's more predictable/insufferable? BBarns or Greasterbrook?

# ? Aug 24, 2014 17:13

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Whirlwind Jones posted:

Who's more predictable/insufferable? BBarns or Greasterbrook?

Gregggg refers to himself in 3rd person, "TMMQB thinks...", etc. That alone is pretty hard to beat.

# ? Aug 24, 2014 17:17

Whirlwind Jones: Apr 13, 2013; by Lowtax

DJExile posted:

Gregggg refers to himself in 3rd person, "TMMQB thinks...", etc. That alone is pretty hard to beat.

And Whirlwind Jones writes, "It is so." in his notebook.

# ? Aug 24, 2014 17:26

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Whirlwind Jones posted:

And Whirlwind Jones writes, "It is so." in his notebook.

haha fair point

# ? Aug 24, 2014 17:26

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

Easterbrook calls the Giants "Jersey B." It was cute the first time, and then he kept on saying it for the next 15 years.

Basically Easterbrook is that annoying college kid who thinks he's way smarter than he because he took a Philosophy 101 class one time.

# ? Aug 24, 2014 18:28

Whirlwind Jones: Apr 13, 2013; by Lowtax

Benne posted:

Easterbrook calls the Giants "Jersey B." It was cute the first time, and then he kept on saying it for the next 15 years.

Basically Easterbrook is that annoying college kid who thinks he's way smarter than he because he took a Philosophy 101 class one time.

I think the Flaming Thumbtacks should be good this year. Any idea if they play the Flying Elvi or not? Might have to go to a game.

# ? Aug 24, 2014 18:37

Politicalrancor: Jan 29, 2008

Benne posted:

Easterbrook calls the Giants "Jersey B." It was cute the first time, and then he kept on saying it for the next 15 years.

Basically Easterbrook is that annoying college kid who thinks he's way smarter than he because he took a Philosophy 101 class one time.

Sounds like a perfect fit for Grantland.

# ? Aug 24, 2014 22:57

soggybagel: Aug 6, 2006; The official account of NFL Tackle Phil Loadholt.

Let's talk Football.

I got more annoyed with Barnwell when I actually heard him speak on the podcast. Although lets be real, I bet he's on this message board. Dude is a big loving nerd. posting on twitter about Half life 2 and random crap all the time.

# ? Aug 25, 2014 00:50

C. Everett Koop: Aug 18, 2008

jesus christ Eric LeGrand https://twitter.com/EricLeGrand52/status/503739731545698304

# ? Aug 25, 2014 04:31

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

C. Everett Koop posted:

jesus christ Eric LeGrand https://twitter.com/EricLeGrand52/status/503739731545698304

Well I guess it's good to be able to laugh at yourself like that :drat:

Benne posted:

Easterbrook calls the Giants "Jersey B." It was cute the first time, and then he kept on saying it for the next 15 years.

Basically Easterbrook is that annoying college kid who thinks he's way smarter than he because he took a Philosophy 101 class one time.

Remember that time Easterbrook tried to tie movie violence to the Holocaust and ESPN memory-holed him?

# ? Aug 25, 2014 04:42

soggybagel: Aug 6, 2006; The official account of NFL Tackle Phil Loadholt.

Let's talk Football.

Remember the time he was weirdly obsessed with cheerleaders? Oh wait, that's all the time.

# ? Aug 25, 2014 04:46

Shrecknet: Jan 2, 2005

C. Everett Koop posted:

jesus christ Eric LeGrand https://twitter.com/EricLeGrand52/status/503739731545698304

idgi

# ? Aug 26, 2014 17:21

Nut Bunnies: May 24, 2005; Fun Shoe

Everblight posted:

idgi

That's the hit he was paralyzed on

# ? Aug 26, 2014 17:38

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

The press release came out for that all-women's talk show:

http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/20..._source=twitter

So that's on CBS Sports Net starting the end of next month on Tuesday nights. Given how CBS Sports Net is essentially an afterthought it's nice for them to experiment.

# ? Aug 26, 2014 18:02

Truther Vandross: Jun 17, 2008

In case any of you were wondering, ESPN busted out some solid journalism to let us know that Michael Sam is respecting space in the locker room and waiting to take a shower!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuEAgZSFuRA

:suicide:

e: oops. passed over the Broadcasting thread the first time and thought it was sent to archives. my bad.

# ? Aug 26, 2014 18:18

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

Ribsauce posted:

Haters gonna hate, but I look forward to thank you for not coaching every week.

Also, one of my favorite annual traditions is Barnwell losing it over a kicker getting a big contract.

Yeah, I like Barnwell, He's only got 4 or 5 things to say about any given team or player (and they are always the same things) but I appreciate a level-headed point of view when it comes to pre-season predictions.

# ? Aug 26, 2014 23:35

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

Patrick Spens posted:

Yeah, I like Barnwell, He's only got 4 or 5 things to say about any given team or player (and they are always the same things) but I appreciate a level-headed point of view when it comes to pre-season predictions.

The issue with Barnwell isn't that he's unreasonable or even wrong most of the time. It's that he's not a very good writer and writes the exact same boring column like 750 times a year, centered around talking points that FO has been beating into the ground since their inception. He doesn't ever have anything even remotely interesting or new to say.

# ? Aug 26, 2014 23:57

morestuff: Aug 2, 2008; You can't stop what's coming

Robert Mays' NFL stuff is usually well-written but kind of vanilla.

# ? Aug 27, 2014 00:00

soggybagel: Aug 6, 2006; The official account of NFL Tackle Phil Loadholt.

Let's talk Football.

morestuff posted:

Robert Mays' NFL stuff is usually well-written but kind of vanilla.

Robert Mays is a bundle of loving energy compared to Barnwell.

# ? Aug 27, 2014 00:04

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

morestuff posted:

Robert Mays' NFL stuff is usually well-written but kind of vanilla.

He has a tendency to lean on cliche too. I don't mind him, but it's not anything I'd go out of my way to read. Their NFL coverage really isn't very good when Chris Brown isn't writing something, and he mostly sticks to college because that's where most of the interesting offensive stuff is happening.

# ? Aug 27, 2014 00:11

morestuff: Aug 2, 2008; You can't stop what's coming

We were at Mizzou at the same time, so even if he was great I'd probably dislike him out of latent jealousy.

# ? Aug 27, 2014 00:17

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

Simmons' new beard makes me giggle with glee every time I see it.

# ? Aug 30, 2014 04:59

hcreight: Mar 19, 2007; My name is Oliver Queen...

Deadspin's at it with hard hitting investigative journalism again.

(Article is SFW but contains links to NSFW pics.)

# ? Sep 1, 2014 22:34

Anals of History: Jul 29, 2003

hcreight posted:

Deadspin's at it with hard hitting investigative journalism again.

(Article is SFW but contains links to NSFW pics.)

Everyone and everything around the nude pics leak, minus the women and their partners, needs to go straight to hell.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 00:19

axeil: Feb 14, 2006

SB Nation has been doing a really good job with their long-form stuff since they started a year or so ago.

This article on Devaughn Darling's death at FSU is fantastic and really depressing.

http://www.sbnation.com/longform/2014/8/26/6065867/devaughn-darling-profile-florida-state-football

quote:

A month after that, Florida State released its report and the public records about Devaughn's death. The conclusion was the school was not responsible. The autopsy showed a "sudden unexpected death" with "no definite" cause. The toxicology reading was "essentially negative." The cardiovascular exam was "essentially negative." The toxicologist found acetaminophen, ephedrine and pseudoephedrine � from the cold medicine he had taken the night before. The medical examiner mentioned, too, that Devaughn had sickle cell trait � he knew that, the school knew that � something found in eight to 10 percent of black people in this country. He pointed out that sickle cell trait can "lower the threshold for ventricular arrhythmias in patients exposed to exertional heat injury." Maybe this was the reason, and maybe it wasn't. Devaughn was alive, and then he was not.

The campus cops had talked to the players who had been with Devaughn. They had been put under oath and had sworn to tell the truth.

They said he was having trouble. Trouble finishing. They said the coaches told him to finish. They said the coaches told him to do it again and to do it right. They said he said his chest hurt. They said he said he couldn't see. That everything was black. They said he told them that � the players, his teammates � but not the trainers, not the coaches.

"He was just tired and wasn't doing the drill correctly. He had to keep going because of his mistakes," Travis Williams said.

"He did what any other athlete would have done. He finished the drill to the max of his ability," J.P. Snead said.

"He was having trouble getting up off of the mat," Eric Resta said.

"Couldn't hardly stand," Chance Gwaltney said.

"Kept falling on the ground," Matt Munyon said.

The campus cops had talked to the coaches who had been with Devaughn.

They had been put under oath and had sworn to tell the truth.

They were asked if Devaughn had had problems finishing the drill.

"Not out of the ordinary," Gladden said.

"Not out of the ordinary," Jimmy Heggins said.

"Not out of the ordinary," Jeff Bowden said.

...

The payout to Dennis Darling Sr. and Wendy Hunter � the money for the death of their son � was $2 million.

But not really.

The beginning of the reason for why that was the case, even back then, even in the summer of 2004, right from the get-go, was in the record, committed to paper, written in black on white, as clear as dense legalese can be: "... because the State's sovereign immunity bars any claim by Plaintiff against FSU in excess of $200,000, in total, pursuant to s. 768.28, Florida Statutes, the Parties also agree to support the passage of a Claims Bill by the Florida Legislature in the amount of $1,800,000.000, as specifically appropriated by the Legislature ..."

No way around it. The rest of the money � most of the money � was not going to come from Florida State. It was going to come from the state of Florida � if it was going to come at all � and it was going to come only if the Legislature said so. If the right politician or politicians said yes. The law, by exact statute the aforementioned 768.28, is meant to prevent state entities � public universities, school districts, local governments � from going bankrupt due to any iniquities deemed to be particularly egregious and their legal consequences. The dispassionate assessment is that this makes fiscal sense. That doesn't mean it isn't awful for the parents of Devaughn Darling or anybody else like them.

So that was the most important piece of the settlement.

The next-most important piece of the settlement?

The following portions of text, worthy of numerous, vigorous red-pen underlines: 1. "This Agreement embodies the entire agreement between FSU and Plaintiffs ..." 2. "... no further legal actions against FSU may be pursued by them concerning the incident ..." 3. "... their only recourse to collecting the $1,800,000.00 is through a Claims Bill ..." 4. "FSU will not be obligated to lobby in support of the Claims Bill." 5. "... the payment made is not be construed as an admission of liability ..."

The settlement was a contract, binding, with one exception, explicitly identified � a fat paragraph squeezed into the middle of the document. Florida State, according to the careful wording, agreed to make "its best efforts" to put a memorial of some sort to Devaughn in an athletic building, and to send to the Darlings photos and videos of Devaughn playing, "to the extent that such items can be located," as well as replicas of the rings Devaughn got for being on a team that won a conference championship and played for a national championship, "to the extent that such can be replicated," and to have an endowed scholarship in his name. None of this was "obligatory." All of this was "voluntary."

Devaughn's father signed it. Devaughn's mother signed it. All the attorneys signed it. A judge signed it. Now, legally, it wasn't the fault of Florida State that Devaughn Darling was dead. And officially, for the school, all matters concerning his death � the "incident" � were over.

"To bring closure to the family," Andy Haggard, one of the attorneys representing the school, told a reporter from the Miami Herald, "this was the honorable and just thing to do."

All that was left was the claims bill.

"Claims bills can go either way," Haggard said. "I think this one will pass."

Claims bills hardly ever pass.

From 1955 to 1999, less than two in five had passed, according to Jacksonville's Florida Times-Union, and the success rate started to get worse from there. Since 2000, it's less than one in four.

...

The 2013 Florida State football team won the national championship. It was the Seminoles' first time in the national championship since the 2001 game in Miami when Devaughn and Devard Darling were on the team. The coach of the 2013 team, Jimbo Fisher, got a raise, from making $2.75 million a year to making $4.015 million a year. His assistant coaches got raises, too, from making a total of $2.86 million a year to making a total of $3.375 million a year. Added up, Florida State's football coaches received a per-year raise of just about ... $1.8 million.

Florida's 2014 legislative session is already over. No claims bills passed.

The parents of Devaughn Darling didn't get their $1.8 million.

axeil fucked around with this message at 02:40 on Sep 2, 2014

# ? Sep 2, 2014 02:31

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

Football related deaths like that at colleges tend to be gross affairs...I remember a couple of years ago here at UCF a football player died at practice and the school fought like hell to avoid liability, but I believe ultimately lost.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 05:12

axeil: Feb 14, 2006

FlamingLiberal posted:

Football related deaths like that at colleges tend to be gross affairs...I remember a couple of years ago here at UCF a football player died at practice and the school fought like hell to avoid liability, but I believe ultimately lost.

I think that incident was referenced by someone in the comments. The family did end up getting the full payout from the university because UCF's athletics are run by a nonprofit separate from the university.

One critique I did have of that article was the author seems more angry at Florida State than he does at the State of Florida for the family not getting paid. FSU couldn't really do anything as by law it's all in Florida's hands.

What a mess.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 05:40

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

axeil posted:

I think that incident was referenced by someone in the comments. The family did end up getting the full payout from the university because UCF's athletics are run by a nonprofit separate from the university.

One critique I did have of that article was the author seems more angry at Florida State than he does at the State of Florida for the family not getting paid. FSU couldn't really do anything as by law it's all in Florida's hands.

What a mess.

Yeah at least in this instance it's the Legislature that was the problem.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 12:10

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 11:02

Archo: Nov 5, 2002; Anime King

FlamingLiberal posted:

Yeah at least in this instance it's the Legislature that was the problem.

I dunno, at that point FSU could have lobbied for the payment and helped the family of a former student instead of continuing to sweep it under the rug and deny liability.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 13:37

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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