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Careful Drums posted:loving christ i came in here asking for financial advice and ended at "you should divorce" i will challenge my assumption about counseling and see about that before concluding this. a) Suffer with the consequences of this in perpetuity (because it won't get better). b) Separate yourself and find peace elsewhere. I'm legitimately sorry that you're in this position. It sucks.
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Mar 11, 2019 18:04
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Careful Drums posted:loving christ i came in here asking for financial advice and ended at "you should divorce" i will challenge my assumption about counseling and see about that before concluding this. I'd start a financial thread as first recommended. That will help you get the understanding you need to see where you're really at.
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Mar 11, 2019 18:07
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Careful Drums posted:loving christ i came in here asking for financial advice and ended at "you should divorce" i will challenge my assumption about counseling and see about that before concluding this.
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Mar 11, 2019 18:42
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Hoodwinker posted:Your household's financial problems will not be fixed by a better interest rate, and if you cannot successfully campaign for the actions necessary to fix the underlying problems, you get to choose from your choice of: We're just reacting to the information you've given us, Careful Drums. Someone screaming at me for suggesting "hey maybe we should cut back so our kids don't get saddled with our debt" so badly that I'm compelled to cave is not a healthy dynamic or a good foundation for the future. You guys are supposed to be partners, if she is sabotaging your efforts and adamant about not changing then your choices are a) or b) above Even zaurg managed to get on better financial footing after a divorce, and he's a moron. Hopefully you can get through to your wife after assessing your finances in more detail.
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Mar 11, 2019 18:56
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Yeah you're all right and I agree on all points. I'm pretty fuckin dumb but I'm not going for the title. So do I tell her before or after I post a spreadsheet to a bunch of internet people?
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Mar 11, 2019 19:01
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Careful Drums posted:Yeah you're all right and I agree on all points. I'm pretty fuckin dumb but I'm not going for the title. That's a loaded question in these parts. Post the damned spreadsheet!
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Mar 11, 2019 19:11
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In all seriousness if you're about to get a raise you need to make it clear that every cent of it will be going towards clearing your current debt before your spending habits inflate to match it. As husband and wife you should be a team and want to have the same goals - 'being debt free' may not be sellable or interesting to your wife but 'spending my whole raise on clearing our cc debt so we have an extra $4k not going towards interest after PLUS the raise to put towards retirement' might be a good start If you're just spending money without any kind of budget whatsoever and outgoings just happens to be larger than incomings every month you need to start at square 1, make a budget and most importantly stick to it (see previous advice where this step cannot be followed for 10+ years)
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Mar 11, 2019 19:13
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Careful Drums posted:Yeah you're all right and I agree on all points. I'm pretty fuckin dumb but I'm not going for the title. You know your dynamic better than internet strangers. Some people might feel angry that private details had been shared without their knowledge; others might respond better if you have an airtight argument prepared ahead of time rather than a vague "I want to budget and I'm going to ask a bunch of goons" You'll have to approach this carefully. Anything you can do to make this their idea, or on board and a participant with the process, will make things easier in the long run. Of course, some people have a dynamic where the spendthrift has no access to any accounts except one budgeted a flat amount, and that's it. That may be an option if you think she'd be amenable, but it can come across as controlling and breed resentment if she's not 100% on board. Really, you should get counseling to figure out your goals and what you're willing to do to reach them. Support your special needs child so your other kids are never on the hook for them? Retirement? College funds for the kids? Maybe a stop at E/N is in order too
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Mar 11, 2019 19:18
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Careful Drums posted:Yeah you're all right and I agree on all points. I'm pretty fuckin dumb but I'm not going for the title.  In all honesty, though, BFC is here to give serious advice on people's life savings. Having a lovely life partner is probably the number one reason people's money poo poo gets hosed up. If you have a lovely life partner, that needs to get fixed first, or any money advice is just slapping a bandaid on a gushing artery. I hope you were joking about the screaming but if not, man, figure that poo poo out asap.
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Mar 11, 2019 19:40
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moana posted:If you're like zaurg, it will take ten years of people posting this gif at you: that gif is hilarious being yelled at is a bit of exaggeration. It has just always come up when a fight was already brewing. I think if I brought it up when things weren't getting heated I wouldn't get yelled at. But it would still be a tough sell. I'm home from work for the day now. I'm going to start working on a spreadsheet. I told my wife I'd be doing that much. e: is there a template or something?
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Mar 11, 2019 19:56
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Careful Drums posted:e: is there a template or something? https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/tools In fact, I'd suggest starting at: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/commontopics
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Mar 11, 2019 19:58
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Careful Drums posted:that gif is hilarious Even if it's low decibels, it sounds like you back down from things that are important to you because of how your wife will react, or how you worry she will react. This is more important than the volume of her voice!
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Mar 11, 2019 20:01
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Okay I started a thread and made a bad spreadsheet. What do I do from here? https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3884274
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Mar 11, 2019 22:29
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I have an HSA question that I've had a hard time getting answers to. Last year, I had an HSA for January through July (7 months), then switched jobs to one where I no longer have an HSA. I recently transferred this HSA to a new custodian before realizing that I had a small excess contribution to my HSA for 2018 (just over $150). Now I need to withdraw my excess contribution and earnings, but I've made this complicated for myself by involving two custodians. The previous one doesn't really understand what I'm asking for, and will only tell me the amount that I contributed in total for the year and the amount that I earned in interest for the year, but I do have statements with the monthly interest. Would this be a reasonable plan: 1) Start with the excess contribution that I've calculated 2) Figure out the interest earned on that contribution for each month after I lost eligibility for the HSA 3) Sum this up and provide it to the new custodian so that they can figure out the earnings on the amount that was transferred over I don't really know how much of a bad situation it is if I over- or under-withdraw my excess contributions. If there's not a penalty for over-withdrawing, I'm tempted to just say screw it and pull out enough to definitely put me under my limit for 2018. I've done some reading, but not had much luck with finding information about what to do here. Has anyone had to deal with a scenario like this before? e: realized this might belong in the income tax thread instead? If so, let me know and I'll take it over there
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Mar 12, 2019 00:27
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Careful Drums posted:that gif is hilarious This is not to say you're not under a lot of stress, too, but some people deal with stress by spending money, especially if they don't really have another outlet for it (like if you're responsible for caring for another human being pretty much 24/7). If this is her coping mechanism, this could help. I am definitely not above saying "you need to get a divorce," but the other people in the thread are not wrong that if you can't discuss finances, and you can't even agree to see a counselor, you should probably just start talking to a lawyer now, because where you're headed isn't a good place for either you, her, or your children.
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Mar 12, 2019 00:40
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TraderStav posted:Hey Goons. I'm in the fortunate position of having some rapidly accelerating income in the past few years as my vesting schedule (annual after three years wait) on my incentive compensation is now in full effect. I'm in the awkward spot where my wife can just barely deduct her traditional IRA contributions and we are closing in on not being able to do Roths soon. My situational awareness was bad and I was dumb, I posted in the middle of the swarm around Careful Drums issue. Anyone able to weigh in on this one?
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Mar 12, 2019 00:43
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TraderStav posted:My situational awareness was bad and I was dumb, I posted in the middle of the swarm around Careful Drums issue. Anyone able to weigh in on this one?
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Mar 12, 2019 00:46
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Hoodwinker posted:Yes to your stuff, no you can't move your wife's stuff into yours (IRA stands for "individual retirement account/agreement"). I don't know about Solo 401k but that could be a viable option for her. Thanks! Right to the point and it's very appreciated. Will explore solo 401k option.
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Mar 12, 2019 00:57
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TraderStav posted:Thanks! Right to the point and it's very appreciated. Will explore solo 401k option.
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Mar 12, 2019 05:43
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moana posted:I have one at vanguard, it was easy to set up. Will W2 income be allowed, or does it have to be self-employment income. She's part-time W2 with no bennies.
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Mar 12, 2019 14:11
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TraderStav posted:Will W2 income be allowed, or does it have to be self-employment income. She's part-time W2 with no bennies. You will not be able to contribute to it without Schedule C income but it is a convenient place that traditional IRA holdings can be rolled away into in order to avoid the pro rata traditional conversion requirements for back door Roth IRA maneuvers.
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Mar 12, 2019 14:22
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BEHOLD: MY CAPE posted:You will not be able to contribute to it without Schedule C income but it is a convenient place that traditional IRA holdings can be rolled away into in order to avoid the pro rata traditional conversion requirements for back door Roth IRA maneuvers. Ah, that makes sense. So I can establish it without the Schedule C and then roll the existing traditional IRA in. I presume that also means the same for myself as the primary W2 earner in the household. Which means I can keep it out of my 401k which would likely be higher cost and fewer options despite having index funds in there. Or since I have access to a company plan am I excluded from the solo 401k? Nice!
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Mar 12, 2019 14:55
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TraderStav posted:Ah, that makes sense. So I can establish it without the Schedule C and then roll the existing traditional IRA in.
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Mar 12, 2019 16:13
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moana posted:What? No, that is the opposite of what he said. You need schedule C income to be able to contribute to a solo. You can't just set it up for rollovers, I'm pretty sure. Reviewed the last few messages a few times and it seems like all three of us are saying the same thing. Regardless of Schedule C income can establish and rollover traditional IRA into, but cannot contribute anything new without Schedule C income. That I understand. Only outstanding question I have now is if I (being covered under an employer 401k) am prohibited from establishing (but not contributing to) a Solo 401k because I'm covered under an employer plan. Appreciate the hand holding. This appears to be a magic bullet to avoid the prorata rule and want to make sure I understand it right.
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Mar 12, 2019 18:36
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Careful Drums posted:well likewise, i have a small sum of retirement money saved from before i got married. i don't have it backwards, i just don't have it at all lmao I know this was lost in the throngs of people telling you to get divorced, but what vehicle is this money in? $23000 in retirement money isn't that much, and if it's in an account you can use it without penalty, I think you should use it to pay off the CC debt, and then spend the time you'd spend paying off the CC to replenish it. Of course if you can't sort out your spending issues, then you will just waste your retirement and also get back into debt so idk.
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Mar 12, 2019 19:24
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Jerk McJerkface posted:I know this was lost in the throngs of people telling you to get divorced, but what vehicle is this money in? $23000 in retirement money isn't that much, and if it's in an account you can use it without penalty, I think you should use it to pay off the CC debt, and then spend the time you'd spend paying off the CC to replenish it.
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Mar 12, 2019 20:32
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I hate Wells Fargo, and when the revolution comes, I hope all their executives are dragged out into the street and shot. Anyway! I’d like to move my checking and savings from Wells Fargo to a bank or credit union that I won’t hate. I would be transferring about $16k. I’d like to keep most of that in a savings account that I’ll do electronic transfers from about 2-3 times a month, max. I still need a checking account for the few times a year that I actually need to write checks. I rarely use ATMs, but some kind of ATM fee reimbursement would be nice. I’ve looked at local options here in Minneapolis, but all the ones I’ve found have really low savings account APYs (like half of what I can get from online options). I thought I could get a better rate from a local CU, but I guess not. From some limited online research, Alliant looks to be my best option. Does anyone here have experience with Alliant? Also, does anyone have any advice about closing my Wells Fargo account and switching to a credit union? I know the basics, but maybe there are some gotchas that I’m not anticipating. Thanks! 
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Mar 12, 2019 20:47
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Careful Drums posted:I can't, it's 25k split between a Roth IRA and a traditional IRA You can withdraw contributions from a Roth IRA penalty free. I'm not suggesting this is the right move here, just stating that it's a possible tool.
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Mar 12, 2019 21:36
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Careful Drums: until you attack the root cause of the debt do not consider spending any money out of your Roth IRA to pay down your current debt.
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Mar 12, 2019 21:47
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:Careful Drums: until you attack the root cause of the debt do not consider spending any money out of your Roth IRA to pay down your current debt. 
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Mar 12, 2019 22:32
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:Careful Drums: until you attack the root cause of the debt do not consider spending any money out of your Roth IRA to pay down your current debt. Just as a purely math exercise, assuming the spending issue was sorted out, and it's just a matter of dollars, would this be a good move? Assuming 23k in debt, and a really high interest rate, wouldn't the money lost by paying off eclipse the money earned by keeping the 23k in your IRA? My IRA is at like 10-12% for the year, so if I had 23k debt at 15-20% wouldn't it make more sense to pay it off asap and then pay myself back over the period of whatever consolidation timeline I worked out?
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Mar 12, 2019 23:17
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Jerk McJerkface posted:Just as a purely math exercise, assuming the spending issue was sorted out, and it's just a matter of dollars, would this be a good move? Assuming 23k in debt, and a really high interest rate, wouldn't the money lost by paying off eclipse the money earned by keeping the 23k in your IRA? My IRA is at like 10-12% for the year, so if I had 23k debt at 15-20% wouldn't it make more sense to pay it off asap and then pay myself back over the period of whatever consolidation timeline I worked out?
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Mar 13, 2019 00:09
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Yeah for real. The Dave Ramsey plan is mathematically suboptimal but very good for behavior modification. Idiots can use it to get much richer than clever people with no self control. Also, once you cash out of the IRA, it will take a minimum of four years of maxing the limit to recover it.
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Mar 13, 2019 00:30
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mekyabetsu posted:I’ve looked at local options here in Minneapolis, but all the ones I’ve found have really low savings account APYs (like half of what I can get from online options). I thought I could get a better rate from a local CU, but I guess not. From some limited online research, Alliant looks to be my best option. Does anyone here have experience with Alliant? Also, does anyone have any advice about closing my Wells Fargo account and switching to a credit union? I know the basics, but maybe there are some gotchas that I’m not anticipating. Thanks! When you cancel your bank account, say you're moving to Mexico and they won't try and convince you to stay with them. I hate being sold to like that.
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Mar 13, 2019 00:35
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TraderStav posted:Only outstanding question I have now is if I (being covered under an employer 401k) am prohibited from establishing (but not contributing to) a Solo 401k because I'm covered under an employer plan. No, you are not prohibited from establishing an individual 401(k) plan. You can have multiple 401(k) plans, but the 19k contribution limit is for all of them. Total employee contributions to all 401(k) plans cannot exceed your contribution limit. mekyabetsu posted:I hate Wells Fargo, and when the revolution comes, I hope all their executives are dragged out into the street and shot. I have a Schwab checking account, and they reimburse all ATM fees. Interest is garbage as expected, but the convenience is real nice. Just keep in mind as well that you aren't limited to one bank account. We're all kind of wired to consider it normal to bank only with one company. I was. Now, I use Schwab for my ATM withdrawls and anything I absolutely need a debit card for (I only keep a little money in it at a time so it's no huge deal if it gets compromised), Ally for my long term savings, and wells fargo for my direct deposit and bill pay. Wells fargo just because  switching all my bill pays. Shop around and see if a collection of bank accounts might work better than just one.
sparkmaster fucked around with this message at 01:07 on Mar 13, 2019 |
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Mar 13, 2019 01:01
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Jerk McJerkface posted:Just as a purely math exercise, assuming the spending issue was sorted out, and it's just a matter of dollars, would this be a good move? Assuming 23k in debt, and a really high interest rate, wouldn't the money lost by paying off eclipse the money earned by keeping the 23k in your IRA? My IRA is at like 10-12% for the year, so if I had 23k debt at 15-20% wouldn't it make more sense to pay it off asap and then pay myself back over the period of whatever consolidation timeline I worked out? The problem is that you're limited on contributions to your IRA. You can't just pay it back in a lump sum. You've effectively deferred your IRA contributions to later, which means way less money in the IRA due to compounding interest. I ran some quick numbers. If you have $6,000/year combined to put to IRA and debt servicing, assuming 7% in the IRA with a starting balance of $25,000 and a 15% interest rate on $20,000 debt, I ran two scenarios: 1) You put $3,000 a year in the IRA and $3,000 a year to the debt until the debt is paid off, and then put the full $6,000/year in to the IRA. This results in a total IRA balance of $88K in Year 10, with the debt being fully paid off sometime in Year 8. 2) You immediately pay down the debt from your IRA, and then contribute $6,000/year in to the IRA. This results in a total IRA balance of $81K in year 10, with the debt being fully paid off in Year 1. Over a longer time horizon, that gap widens due to compounding interest, so in year 30 it's more like $35K. Changing the assumptions will create some differences - less cash flow to pay off makes the lump sum more attractive, a higher delta between debt interest rate and returns makes the lump sum more attractive. Plus, as others have said, this is dangerous: you can only go to it so many times, but once you go to it, you remove a psychological barrier that retirement accounts are not to be touched, which means in the future you're more likely to rely on that account as a safety net for bad decisions.
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Mar 13, 2019 13:25
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sparkmaster posted:and wells fargo for my direct deposit and bill pay. Wells fargo just because please be a good conscious consumer, vote with your wallet, and stop loving using Wells Fargo
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Mar 13, 2019 13:26
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Also just set as many of your bill pays to use a rewards CC as possible and then pay that off every month. Shave a percentage point or two off your bills every month.
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Mar 13, 2019 13:46
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moana posted:I love Alliant, it's great and they reimburse up to $20 of ATM fees every month. I've been with Alliant for almost four years and I'm nowhere near their physical branches. I've also been happy with them.
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Mar 13, 2019 15:41
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:The problem is that you're limited on contributions to your IRA. You can't just pay it back in a lump sum. You've effectively deferred your IRA contributions to later, which means way less money in the IRA due to compounding interest. I ran some quick numbers. If you have $6,000/year combined to put to IRA and debt servicing, assuming 7% in the IRA with a starting balance of $25,000 and a 15% interest rate on $20,000 debt, I ran two scenarios: Thanks for running it, I was just curious about the numbers, and your explanation makes a lot of sense.
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Mar 13, 2019 20:25
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