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I will never, ever, ever spank. i don't think i can commit to yelling but i can definitely stop before it gets to be Actually Traumatic. I'm not going to break this kid but there are a thousand ways my issues could just leave him full of cracks.
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Jul 31, 2019 19:15
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Re: flat spots. I have a friend who is a pediatric physical therapist and her kid ended up with a flat head. It can happen to anyone. And yeah, every kid will have something.
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Jul 31, 2019 19:18
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Thanks everyone. I am feeling a lot better now. I am still going to call the NP and get in. I think it’s important to let her know that I’m feeling all this guilt because it’s definitely not normal. Oh and I started looking at decorations. I just ordered a book of Little Baby Bum stickers. She loves little baby bum. 
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Jul 31, 2019 19:27
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:I will never, ever, ever spank. i don't think i can commit to yelling but i can definitely stop before it gets to be Actually Traumatic. I'm not going to break this kid but there are a thousand ways my issues could just leave him full of cracks. Ill try to find it but there's lots of stuff out there about how you don't need to be a perfect parent, you just need to be good enough. Just love the kid, keep communication lines open, apologize when you screw up, etc. No one is perfect, but how you respond to your mistakes is much more important than trying to never make them.
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Jul 31, 2019 19:39
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sheri posted:Ill try to find it but there's lots of stuff out there about how you don't need to be a perfect parent, you just need to be good enough. I am a way worse parent than I thought I'd be (I don't hit my kid, but I just don't have the patience I thought I would) and the one thing that seems to always right the ship is to sit her down and let her know when I screw up and why. But you gotta walk that fine line because a 5 year old can latch right onto those kind of emotional hooks and play them a bit.
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Jul 31, 2019 19:43
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:I'm having trouble seeing the line between indulging every whim and going full Stonewall when my will is questioned and it seems like just being consistent is more important than which side is chosen. I think one thing to keep in mind here is that an infant can't 'question your will'. They don't have the cognitive functions to even know what that is, let alone do it. Things an infant knows: hunger, pain, "something is wrong and I'm an infant so I have no words. Thus, cry time.", and "I'm feeling comforted and secure." An infant isn't crying because they're feeling manipulative. They're crying because something, somewhere isn't right. It might just be they need to be held. But that's not manipulative. Babies need that close, physical bonding to psychologically develop right.
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Jul 31, 2019 19:51
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AngryRobotsInc posted:I think one thing to keep in mind here is that an infant can't 'question your will'. They don't have the cognitive functions to even know what that is, let alone do it. Things an infant knows: hunger, pain, "something is wrong and I'm an infant so I have no words. Thus, cry time.", and "I'm feeling comforted and secure." Also older kids will question your will. It's going to happen. Prepare for it now. I tell myself all the time I want to raise a kid that thinks and asks questions and reflects and eventually makes a good choice on his own so asking questions and pushing boundaries is part of that. Eventually I'm not going to be around him all the time to monitor and "control" his choices so he needs to tools and understanding to get there on his own instead of blindly obeying whatever he is told. While it is tiring and hard it's important to understand that developmentally it's incredibly appropriate for kids to push boundaries and persue more independence as they grow and it's my job to coach and assist him into making good choices. And as a young human with poor impulse control he's going to make mistakes too, and we'll work through it together.
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Jul 31, 2019 20:02
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sheri posted:Also older kids will question your will. It's going to happen. Prepare for it now. Oh lord, yes. That's basically half of what the teen years are, I'm experiencing. But like you said, it's normal.
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Jul 31, 2019 20:12
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Renegret posted:Even once they're a toddler and they get old enough to throw tantrums, the vast majority of tantrums are due to communication problems, usually because they don't have the words needed to express themselves. Yeah, definitely this. With my 2 year old, I've gotten a whole lot of mileage out of "Show me" when he gets frustrated and can't figure out how to say what he wants. Granted, sometimes that does result in a meltdown when the response is "No, you can't have more rice krispies. I'll be vacuuming until your mom gets home!" but still, that's an easier thing to deal with then him being frustrated because he realizes I don't know he wants rice krispies to get everywhere.
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Jul 31, 2019 22:32
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Ben Nevis posted:Yeah, definitely this. With my 2 year old, I've gotten a whole lot of mileage out of "Show me" when he gets frustrated and can't figure out how to say what he wants. Granted, sometimes that does result in a meltdown when the response is "No, you can't have more rice krispies. I'll be vacuuming until your mom gets home!" but still, that's an easier thing to deal with then him being frustrated because he realizes I don't know he wants rice krispies to get everywhere. Yeah agreed, once the kid is a toddler and able to indicate they understand you, saying ‘show me’ makes things easier, even if the response is ‘no’. If it’s hunger or boredom and they’re making choices you have to veto, at least you know you can offer alternatives to satisfy the urge.
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Jul 31, 2019 23:13
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Sarah posted:Thanks everyone. I am feeling a lot better now. I am still going to call the NP and get in. I think it’s important to let her know that I’m feeling all this guilt because it’s definitely not normal. I asked my wife for her opinion and she goes, you know you can just take off the band for the baby's 1st birthday party for pictures? I'm a little mad that I didn't think of the painfully obvious. It's true though, those bands don't have to be on 24/7. They're on most of the time, yes, but you can take them off if you need to.
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Jul 31, 2019 23:15
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Renegret posted:I asked my wife for her opinion and she goes, you know you can just take off the band for the baby's 1st birthday party for pictures? Yeah, I was going to schedule the 1 hour break during her party. It’s getting better. Just going to take some time.
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Aug 1, 2019 00:32
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How does the thread feel about hitting other people's kids? Because that is a far more difficult urge to control. And remember, you're growing an adult. You want that adult to have had a good childhood, but, the ultimate goal is a fully functional and self supported adult. So, allow to fail, teachable moments, can't helicopter, etc.
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Aug 1, 2019 03:11
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Sarah posted:Yeah, I was going to schedule the 1 hour break during her party. It’s getting better. Just going to take some time. I got in way too late for this party - but there's a kid at my son's creche who has the flattest head I've ever seen, his parents are both PhD holding university lecturers at a science heavy campus who did everything they could to stop the flatness but damned if this kid didn't decide no thanks actually I just want to lie this exact way all the time no matter what. The message I took from that was baby's gonna do what baby's gonna do despite your best efforts sometimes.
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Aug 1, 2019 03:40
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I need to vent/get any advice about my baby's constipation. We've been dealing with it for at least 5-6 weeks now and I'm at my wits end, I dread every bowel movement as it becomes a huge merry-go-round of she's in pain, I'm stifling tears, should I use a suppository, when will this all end, just kill me now. I do poo poo I'm probably not supposed to do like help her lever/scoop out massive rock hard turds with an earbud. She's been on an exclusively pear and formula/breast milk diet for over week now with lactulose whenever i can force her to take it and even that seems to have completely failed. I used to think it was shortage of fluids but I feel like I've got her drinking plenty of juice and water now. The heartbreaking thing is she was such a good little eater before this all happened and even taking away everything seems to make no loving difference. The suppositories work to clear her out but I've only used them twice now (5 days apart) for fear of dependency and just thinking i guess that it shouldnt be a regular thing. I'd take her back to just breastmilk but I don't think the mrs has enough flowing anymore to be her sole source of nutrition. I just want her to eat whatever she wants without being in pain :'(
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Aug 2, 2019 06:13
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How old is she? Prunes, pears, oatmeal, and apricots can help if she is on solids. Otherwise more milk, more often. Is she struggling with the physical activity of pooping, I.e. Pushing while relaxing the sphincter, or is it the consistency of her poop?
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Aug 2, 2019 07:29
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Welp a short time after that post I got covered in a gigantic explosion of faeces and I've never been so happy to be around the stuff. I think she's been holding in the last week of pear puree, or it was all just backed up behind a poo poo plug. Either way it's all out now.. ludicrous amounts. I'll resume some fibrous vegies because I feel horrible just giving her fruit and milk and keep going with the lactulose. Hopefully we're through the worst of it. She's 8 months. I think she's in pain from a fissure but the poos have been, up until the poosplosion, massive and hard. It reminded me of my wife giving birth but to be honest the poos are proportionally much bigger than even that. I did not realise anuses were even capable of stretching like that. Hope you all enjoyed reading my posts over dinner or a light meal, and I hope not to have to vent about this again.
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Aug 2, 2019 07:44
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I’ve started giving my 9 month old prune juice or prune purée nearly everyday to stay ahead of the constipation.
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Aug 2, 2019 13:25
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Hi_Bears posted:I’ve started giving my 9 month old prune juice or prune purée nearly everyday to stay ahead of the constipation. Prune juice is as magical as it is gross. We only had one bout of bad constipation so far (15 months old now) and prune juice took care of it in... explosive fashion in about 30 minutes.
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Aug 2, 2019 14:35
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Just curious - do your daycares provide lunch/snacks, or do you send your own? Another FB group mom posted about packing her 14 month old's snack box and the way that everyone else chimed in made me realize that maybe it isn't the norm in that a daycare provides all food (except breastmilk, obvs)? I'm not always 100% thrilled with some of the food choices at mine, but honestly I don't care if he eats donut holes once a week if I means I don't have to worry about sending food yet
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Aug 2, 2019 18:01
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John Cenas Jorts posted:Just curious - do your daycares provide lunch/snacks, or do you send your own? Mine provides food, but everyone else brought their kid extra food so we started doing it as well. I guess it's not any different from having a packed lunch in regular school vs. eating school lunch. My kid starts at a public preschool in a couple weeks that provides breakfast/lunch/dinner, but I guess we'll probably still pack her some stuff just in case.
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Aug 2, 2019 18:10
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Lactulose is the least effective laxative ever, but the NHS seems to have warehouses full of it for some reason. There are better things available, but obviously not without a doctor's advice.
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Aug 2, 2019 18:11
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John Cenas Jorts posted:Just curious - do your daycares provide lunch/snacks, or do you send your own? It depends from daycare to daycare. There's a federal food program that provides food to daycares, but they need to meet certain nutritional requirements and it's a fair bit of administrative work. It also requires that that they have a kitchen and a cook on staff and all the permits and training you need to run a restaurant. It's free for the daycare though, so it's a good metric to see if they're any good or not. The only reason not to offer a free benefit like that is if your administration is a dumpster fire. I understand why people would want to pack their kid's own food though. They could eat a fresh orange that you bought yourself, or they could eat orange slices from the day care that came out of a massive 5 pound can. So I guess the answer to your question is, it's pretty common, but it's up to you as a parent if you want to make use of it
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Aug 2, 2019 18:26
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Daycare provides snacks and lunch for our 23 mo kiddo. Lunch generally consists of like microwave chicken nuggets or lunchmeat sandwich or some other kind of frozen/refrigerated protein with a usually canned fruit/veggie and maybe some cheese. During the day they also get a fresh food snack like apple or berries and a fresh vegetable snack like carrots or cucumbers, though. Kiddo rarely eats much for dinner. It would be nice if more of the food was freshly prepared, but honestly we don't often have time to even prepare ourselves food anymore on weekdays, so we are OK with it.
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Aug 2, 2019 19:23
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John Cenas Jorts posted:Just curious - do your daycares provide lunch/snacks, or do you send your own? Did 2 daycares. Both provide snack, lunch, snack, with whole milk at lunch. That seems to be the norm here, though I know at least 1 that doesn't do snacks. Quality varies. We toured some that was very elementary cafeteria type stuff with Pasta-Sandwich-Mac&Cheese-Chicken nuggets-Pizza in that order every week. The one we ended up at tries to do healthier stuff and and basically doesn't repeat any meals over the course of the month.
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Aug 2, 2019 21:47
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The current daycare we are using doesn't provide food but they are a couple hundred a month cheaper than others in the area.
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Aug 3, 2019 00:12
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The daycare we use provides formula/food. They post the menu on their app weekly. They list what is canned and what is fresh.
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Aug 3, 2019 00:30
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We found a great daycare that provides food but not formula. They take pictures of what the breakfast, lunch, snacks are and our daughter gets some great food.
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Aug 3, 2019 01:33
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Almost every daycare here provides food. Some even provide formula (but usually only one brand and if you want another brand you have to provide).
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Aug 3, 2019 01:46
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So we finally got my six year old to regularly sleep in his own room. But bedtime is a loving draaaaag and it's really grinding me down. He'll stretch the process out for as long as he possibly can until my patience runs out and I end up snapping at him. What, to me, should be a quiet, relaxing time where he gets his pajamas on, brushes his teeth, and then we read together, ends up being something I dread. He'll deliberately put his pajamas on wrong and try to get me to fix them. He'll run around naked, throwing his clothes everywhere. He'll ask a neverending stream of inane questions. He'll wander from room to room with his toothbrush and toothpaste, never actually putting the toothpaste onto the brush. Basically, he'll do anything to not get into bed and sleep. When my patience eventually wears thin, he'll act like I'm being an ogre and 'being mean'. And I don't like telling him off - like I said, to me bedtime should be quiet and relaxing, where we can snuggle up and read a few chapters of a book. But with how it is now, by the time I've actually managed to wrangle him into bed I'm in a bad mood and our reading isn't as nice as it could be because he just fights me every step of the goddamn way. Here's tonight:  He's got underpants on his head and has forced both his legs into one pant leg. He's waddling around and saying he can't brush his teeth because his arms are all tangled up. It's funny and cute...for a few minutes. Then it's not, and I start to get annoyed. If I just leave him to his own devices, he will legit stay awake until 10 or 11pm. I've tried it, just to see. But I'm spending an hour or more every day fighting this neverending battle with him and it's stressing me out and it makes me feel like a bad parent because I'm spending what should be quality time between us telling him off and cajoling him to do stuff that he knows he needs to do, but doesn't want to. Help?
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Aug 3, 2019 20:37
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He doesn't want to go to sleep and he knows he can manipulate you into delaying it as long as possible. My daughter is only 4 but we have established a routine and if she were to do the things your son is doing the consequence is that she would lose stories. Normally we read two per night, but that's a privilege. Taking things away isn't "being mean" it's being a parent. I would suggest establishing a routine, and doing it the same way every night. For us it's potty/brushing teeth (sometimes they switch), shower, pajamas, stories, bed. If he doesn't do part of the routine, establish a consequence. "You can make a good choice and dress the right way, or you can make a bad choice, I will dress you, and you lose a story."
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Aug 3, 2019 22:17
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If our son is screwing around we brush his teeth for him and put him right in bed. We don't care what he's wearing at that point. He really loves books and snuggling and he gets neither if he's screwing around. If he's not listening we tell him "hey if you take too long to get teeth brushed and into jammies that means there's no time for reading and snuggling" He usually sticks to the routine then. It took few times of him losing books and/or snuggles to realize we meant it though. Since then we usually just need to give one reminder about what stalling and messing around when he's supposed to be getting ready for bed results in.
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Aug 3, 2019 22:54
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Beer4TheBeerGod posted:Taking things away isn't "being mean" it's being a parent. Oh I know - it just wears on me because I'd rather we all get on instead of being Grumpy Dad every night, and all he needs to do to make that happen is get ready for bed as he knows he needs to. I think I need to sit down with him and write up another little 'contract' like we did when he started sleeping in his own room.
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Aug 3, 2019 22:57
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Woo milestone, twins are now able to ride a bike properly. We've had problems all summer, we bought them new bikes and they didn't want to use them, too scared of the big bikes (16" wheels), only gotten them to ride them a few times. Well this weekend we decided we have to do more than that or they will never learn. So we all took bikes and went to my SOs parents who live 4km away, they learned to stop and start on their own in half that trip. No problems at all then to bike the way there and back. We also tried to sign them up for sports, to have something organized to do and something to let them burn up some energy but they hated the poo poo out of it, think they might be too young developmentally speaking, gonna try again next summer. When I was their age, I hated being part of organized activities. When I think about it I still think that... As for the parent dynamic at home it's all too often the mom getting frustrated at the kids not obeying her, and me having to act like a drill sergeant before anything happens.
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Aug 5, 2019 11:15
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extravadanza posted:Daycare provides snacks and lunch for our 23 mo kiddo. Lunch generally consists of like microwave chicken nuggets or lunchmeat sandwich or some other kind of frozen/refrigerated protein with a usually canned fruit/veggie and maybe some cheese. During the day they also get a fresh food snack like apple or berries and a fresh vegetable snack like carrots or cucumbers, though. Kiddo rarely eats much for dinner. Our municipal daycare cooks the food on site in their own kitchen. Breakfast at 08:00, a snack around 9:30 before lunch around 11:30 and another afternoon snack around 14:00. We're happy that the kids can go to daycare because they always eat well there and they get a varied and balanced diet, at home they're picky eaters and only want junk food or raw vegetables it seems like.
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Aug 5, 2019 11:29
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Bardeh posted:So we finally got my six year old to regularly sleep in his own room. But bedtime is a loving draaaaag and it's really grinding me down. My three year old has been afraid to sleep for awhile because of bad dreams, so I eventually broke down and taught her how to use the lamp to read on her own before bed. Sometimes she puts herself to bed soon after, sometimes she falls asleep in her chair at 930, but she finally went a week without crying at bedtime or at 4 am. Maybe I've made a mistake being too accommodating, I guess I'll find out when I get the therapy bills. I still need to teach her that she can call me through the baby monitor if she needs something, instead of just sticking her head out of her door and crying. BarbarianElephant posted:Lactulose is the least effective laxative ever, but the NHS seems to have warehouses full of it for some reason. There are better things available, but obviously not without a doctor's advice. My 18 m.o. just had a bout of constipation, we were feeding him too much cheese. A couple weeks on the low-dairy, high-prune-and-applesauce diet seems to have helped. PerniciousKnid fucked around with this message at 20:23 on Aug 5, 2019 |
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Aug 5, 2019 20:21
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Our 11 month old has decided hitting in our and the dogs' faces is a fun thing to do. Any suggestions on how to remedy this? We tell her gentle with the dogs and take her hand show her what gentle is. For hitting us we just tell her no. But drat if that kid ain't strong.
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Aug 5, 2019 20:48
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Do your absolute best to not react emotionally in the slightest. Even saying "no" and trying to communicate that it's "wrong" might be enough attention to make it a fun game. At 11 months it's almost certainly just fun to do something and get a reaction even if it's a negative one.
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Aug 5, 2019 23:53
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John Cenas Jorts posted:Just curious - do your daycares provide lunch/snacks, or do you send your own? But we changed two years ago and this provider doesn't provide anything but water and milk. It was kind of a pain in the rear end at first but like anything you do M-F, you get used to it and the pressure to have food ready both for snacks (apples, nuts, goldfish crackers) and lunch (almost always the previous dinners leftovers). I like the control over his diet, but I feel like it's very easy to get into a predicable rut of the same items day in and day out (I've recently made an effort to mix it up) and that I don't do an good job of expanding his palate.
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Aug 6, 2019 03:23
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His Divine Shadow posted:We also tried to sign them up for sports, to have something organized to do and something to let them burn up some energy but they hated the poo poo out of it, think they might be too young developmentally speaking, gonna try again next summer. When I was their age, I hated being part of organized activities. When I think about it I still think that... I know when my parents signed me up for sports as a kid the organised sports were really weird and boring. They involved lots of waiting around and "games", while the games were fun the waiting wasn't - some kids didn't seem to mind, I personally hated it and I didn't play team sports until I was like 20 as a result I'm going to try and get my son into small field soccer where the kids turn up and just play with just supervision but no coaching or whatever.
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Aug 6, 2019 12:15
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