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Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

~Groovy~


Rabbi Raccoon posted:

Look. We all know the moment capes come back into style we're all gonna wear them

This man speaks the truth.

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Junpei
Oct 4, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 11 years!

Rabbi Raccoon posted:

Look. We all know the moment capes come back into style we're all gonna wear them

Mine's gonna be red and silver.

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.
Kato's Chin is prominent enough to deserve its own line in the ending credits, for realsies.

The Dark Id posted:

You know what? I'll admit I'm not a total expert on the geography of the UK. But I roughly know what corners the assorted countries are in there and last I checked Southampton wasn't exactly in Wales. Though, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if every port in Wales proper was host to an eldritch horror of some sorts so perhaps this as far as any sane ship captain was willing to take us.
The many-angled ones are a little bit vague on the concept of precise location. The bottom of the Mandelbrot set doesn't really get very good GPS reception.

Zereth
Jul 9, 2003



The Dark Id posted:



Well, at least we're not a Fat Thug. That would have been most embarrassing.
Well, which is more embarrassing? Being a Fat Thug? Or being ranked one step below a fat thug, like we are now?

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012

"Hi Everybody!"
Given that it's the middle of WW1, just getting passage from France to England was an ordeal in of itself and Southampton was probably the best achievable destination. Circling the coast would probably just be asking to get sunk by a naval vessel or submarine.

Nevermind whatever the gently caress's lurking in the oceans off the coast of the blighted hellscape that is Wales.

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Nevermind whatever the gently caress's lurking in the oceans off the coast of the blighted hellscape that is Wales.
Oh, no, there's nothing there. The Deep Ones all live near Massachusetts.

No, really. It's a thing.

achtungnight
Oct 5, 2014
I get my fun here. Enjoy!
Let’s not forget the Deep Ones are only one of many horrors that reside in the oceans.

Geostomp
Oct 22, 2008

Unite: MASH!!
~They've got the bad guys on the run!~
That new cape and voice are almost enough to distract from his award-winning jawline.

CmdrKing
Oct 14, 2012

Maybe if I called it 'Interpretive Stabbing'...
It's very complimentary really. Realizing he had such a large chin, he knew he had to make the rest of himself much bigger so it looked more natural. Bulk up, give his voice that appropriate gravitas, wear showy clothes and make his frame even larger with the cape, and the chin, while still a center pieces, is now just the biggest element of a very large man all around.

Speedball
Apr 15, 2008

Oh god, I just realized, they updated Karin and Gepetto's "slightly drunk" titles to "Sloshed" and "Hangover Tomorrow" after we cut back to them haha.

OminousEdge
Apr 4, 2013

Speedball posted:

Oh god, I just realized, they updated Karin and Gepetto's "slightly drunk" titles to "Sloshed" and "Hangover Tomorrow" after we cut back to them haha.

Huh. Never noticed that myself... but in my defense I likely played this game back before I even know what those terms meant so it likely flew over my head.

Nohman
Sep 19, 2007
Never been worse.
He really does look like an M. Bison alternate costume.

Zagglezig
Oct 16, 2012
I look forward to future character titles for the PC group. Wonder if they do them for serious scenes, too.
Plot Shot Karin: Yuri, I can't fight like this. You'll have to do a hospital dungeon without me. Be sure to find some sort of magic surgeon who gains new powers from finding...I dunno, their old thesis paper scattered about the world.


The Dark Id posted:

Blanca and Karin jocking for position at the top of the battles joined.

A city... 135.5 miles/213.2 kilometers away. I just cannot be done!

Should be "jockeying" and "It just"

Hwurmp
May 20, 2005

"I just cannot be done" is the archaic form of "I can't even"

The Dark Id
Aug 13, 2005

Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]
Episode XXII: The Great Teacher


Music: Town of Twilight ~ European Town




It's a bright new day in the Port of Southampton. The inclement weather has passed by leaving Yuri and the gang to explore the town. At least the one block and change allotted to it in an early-aughts JRPG. Let's start with seeing the collection of local drunks who see it fit to return to their preferred watering hall first thing in the morning to get ahead on the daily saucing.



That really isn't something you want to hear when describing what in inevitably an upcoming dungeon. Let's be frank, mine dungeons are just dry sewer levels.



Same.



I dunno. It's like 10:00 AM. I think you might like drinking a LITTLE bit if you're starting that early.



...That luxury liner, the Titanic, left from here on its way to New York, you know.
Must have missed that one. How'd that work out for tourism?
...The Titanic?
Yeah.
...It sank en route. How do you not know this? It was one of the biggest news stories of 1912.
1912...? Was probably busy fighting monsters across Asia cuz a voice in my head that turned out to be a magic Romani lady in an insane asylum was telling me to and ehh... I liked punching monsters.
...
...OK, no more drinks for you, friend.
But I haven't drunk anything here.
And clearly you don't need anymore, pal.
......




Look at that lovely sickly yellow-grey sky. What a lovely day... by English standards.



Unfortunately, we cannot just head straight for the mines. Despite everything, we're still in the Joachim introduction arc and he has something in town he needs to do before he's done hijacking the plot. So we may as well chat up everyone in hopes of seeing what exactly that entails.



They say it ripped the sky apart and its light reached up to the heavens.
It was actually some magic glyph created by a warlock to summon an alien god from deep space to destroy the world.
Well, that'd be a spot of bother.

Wish I could've seen it...!
...It was like twice the size of the planet. How did you miss it?
I must have slept in late that day.
It was in the sky for nearly a month.
Oh, the weather is just dreadful in England this time of year. Well, most times of year, to be frank. Must have been overcast.




Yeah? Two drunks in the bar said there were no jobs at all here.
Those two? Maybe if they stopped being listless and crabby all the time they'd find some employment.
Maybe if they stopped drinking as soon as the sun came up, too?
Ehh... that part is optional. <hic>




Neat? Can I fire one of 'em?
Heavens no! They're antique pieces of history!
Pfft ...Then what do I care?




I'm on vacation, but I can't find anything to do! I've already read this book... Here, you have it!



Yeah, sure. OK! A bit peculiar to only be reading one scene in the middle of an opera in your spare time. But what do I know?



This teaches Karin her second Sword Arts -- Bullenfogel. We don't really have any chance to use this right now. We'll just remember she has it when we venture into the mines.



I thought it was called football...?
It is. But I'm trying to get soccer popularized around here.
How's that working out?
...I'm the only person in Southampton that calls it soccer.




<Becomes Lottery Member 15> As it happens, I'm one of them! Come on, have a go! You're young. You can afford a few risks!
Yeah, I should enjoy my youth!



Fantastic! Well done!

This is a very easy Lottery wheel. I didn't even have to same scum. Got it on the first shot no problem. Another Slow augment for the Judgment Wheel couldn't hurt. Plus, you know, we do have to win SOMETHING from each Lottery Member anyhow.

In any event, it seems the Magimel Brothers have migrated from France to England and have set up shop in town. I suppose we can take a minute to browse their wears.



I wouldn't go that far, but...
Yes, I hope our relationship be long and mutually beneficial. Now please favor me with your kind patronage!
Patronage? Okay, I guess.



La Cage Aux Songes has updated its inventory with upgraded weapons for everyone but Joachim. But Joachim has a... different method of acquiring new weapons that we'll get into later.



The only one we're actually going to splurge on here is the weapon upgrade for Yuri -- the Bearclaws. These offer +33 Physical and +28 Special Attack Power. Which is an eleven and ten-point upgrade respectively from his Stinger weapon. We'll skip everyone else's stuff for now. If we just wait until the mines, they'll all get a free one from looting treasure chests.



Tee hee! If you have a card, then I'll sew a dress for you...
Yeah, please make me a dress.
And by mean I mean Gepetto's doll. Ergh... Why am I doing this transaction?
Fabulous! Did you bring me what I want, then? My hot little heart's desire?



Other than the Water element dress being desirable back when Gepetto was mandatory in battle, it doesn't really matter what order we obtain the dresses. So we'll just go down the line as we collect more Stud Cards. We'll eventually have to get them all anyway.



You know, for completion sake. Not because I particularly want to play dress-up with an old man's extremely underaged looking living doll.

Drumroll.



Presenting the latest creation from my 1915 Pierre Magimel Collection! I call it...



Cornelia thankfully never speaks. But I assume if she did she'd sound exactly like the Super Mario Brothers Super Show version of Toad.



We may as well turn in all the Stud Cards while we're here. So continuing down the line, we get...

Drumroll.



Presenting the latest creation from my 1915 Pierre Magimel Collection! I call it...



Sure. Fine. Well, that all happened. We'll be back with more lewd beefcake trading cards in the future.



For now, there's one more area of importance in this front street of town. Now that the rain has concluded, we're allowed to explore the upper wall of the town.





Doing so automatically initiates a scene in which Yuri notices something on the ground behind an idling man and starts a dialogue.



What are you carrying dried up straw around for anyway?
Dried up straw...?! Yes, I guess it looks pretty useless to most people. But there are people in the world who'd do anything to get their hands on this.
Are you sure? For this?!
It's true. I guess you find it hard to believe. Ten years ago, I was a poor farmer, with only one strand of straw.
I ain't no expert but that's some PRETTY poor farming.
But I found someone who wanted it, and traded with them. Then I traded what I got for something else, and...
What did they trade it for some lint?
The details do not matter.
...They kinda do or your story sounds like a crock of crap.

<looks out to sea> Over time, I gained status and property. Almost without realizing it!
That's... amazing! I guess you really wouldn't wanna lose it then, huh? Here you are! <attempts to hand over the straw>
<turns back> ...No, you picked it up. You should keep it. It's probably fate. I'll let you have that bit of straw. With a little luck, that bit of straw will turn you into a millionaire! With a little luck, eh!
...Wait, didn't this story start with you trading the straw? How do you have it again?
Details, my boy. Unimportant details...

Why do I get the feeling this is gonna turn out to be a pain in the butt...?!

Himovic walks away.



And so we initiate a game spanning quest of becoming the barter king by trading seemingly innocuous items to random folks who desire them which will one day lead us to great fortune. Probably. But that is far, far off in the future.



Even though it has its own camera angle and everything, there is absolutely nothing at the end of the wall.



There is, however, some treasure hidden just to the right of the stairs we accessed to get up here. Dick move.



This gains us a rather important returning accessory from the original Shadow Hearts. Leonardo's Bear only offers a paltry +1 to Special Defense. But its real purpose is that it prevents Instant Death attacks from working. We may need this in the immediate future.



For now, let's head back downstairs and past the Magimel Brothers' cart and see what's around back of Southampton.



I see why something was calling out to Joachim now.



Speaking of Joachim, before taking another step forward we're going to shuffle some Judgment Wheel stats to up his number of attacks to the maximum level.



We're also going to slap that Leonardo's Bear we just acquired on him. Just in case...






Music: Grand Papillon!! ~ Pro Wrestler




<looks around confused> Teacher!?



"Welp. This is happening now..." - Shadow Hearts: Covenant back of box tagline.



How have you been?! When a man stops moving forward and forgets the struggle, that's when he grows old, my boy.



I already feel a headache coming on...
<turns to Yuri and shakes head> No, no! This is my teacher and mentor, the Great Gama!!
Your teacher?!
That's right.





Teacher! You're alive and well!
My rippling muscles have yearned for your lessons again.
...OK. I'm starting to see the connection here.

<clenches fist> No need to worry, Joachim! "Train hard day and night, sharpen your mind and work hard for the good of others..." That's the motto of the Great Gama School of Combative Techniques. Don't tell me you've forgotten, my boy! You walked along a man's arduous path of fight and sweat. Now let me see how much your skill has improved!
Teacher! You mean you'll give me the chance to show you all I've learned? All my spirit and passion?!



<enters combat stance> Wraaahhh! Teacher!!



Tune in next time for a heated, manly battle between student and teacher in the squared circle as Shadow Hearts: Covenant continues to just do whatever the hell it feels like.









Port of Southampton Concept Art - Looks like a lovely town. We've seen 100% of it as presented in the game.

Rabbi Raccoon
Mar 31, 2009

I stabbed you dude!
Good to know the gay community hasn't changed THAT much over the past century

Ratoslov
Feb 15, 2012

Now prepare yourselves! You're the guests of honor at the Greatest Kung Fu Cannibal BBQ Ever!

Oh god, the straw thing. I suddenly remember why I hated this quest.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


I think that as long as I live, I will never, ever forget the parts of this game that involve Joachim's teacher. I just don't have the ability.

DukeofCA
Aug 18, 2011

I am shocked and appalled.
Joachim and everyone associated with him continue to be the best part of the game.

The Great Gama, incidentally, was a real person.

CmdrKing
Oct 14, 2012

Maybe if I called it 'Interpretive Stabbing'...

quote:

Tune in next time for a heated, manly battle between student and teacher in the squared circle as Shadow Hearts: Covenant continues to just do whatever the hell it feels like.

God I love this game and it's complete batshit insanity.

I wonder if there's any actual blind readers in the thread, and if their wildest guesses could actually capture where this sidequest ends up.

FeyerbrandX
Oct 9, 2012

Suddenly I doubt the existence of the Macho Dog Randy Savage... we're going to fight the real Macho Man as a superboss, aren't we?

StandardVC10
Feb 6, 2007

This avatar now 50% more dark mode compliant

CmdrKing posted:

God I love this game and it's complete batshit insanity.

I wonder if there's any actual blind readers in the thread, and if their wildest guesses could actually capture where this sidequest ends up.

Speaking as an actual blind reader, I uh, hmm...

...yeah, no fuckin' idea...

StandardVC10
Feb 6, 2007

This avatar now 50% more dark mode compliant
Does Joachim get to suplex? I hope he gets to suplex.

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

Ratoslov posted:

Oh god, the straw thing. I suddenly remember why I hated this quest.

I ended up screwing it up pretty late in the game and got mad.

Rabbi Raccoon
Mar 31, 2009

I stabbed you dude!
I think everyone does, short of using a guide or save scumming

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


I also screwed up the trading quest.

CmdrKing posted:

I wonder if there's any actual blind readers in the thread, and if their wildest guesses could actually capture where this sidequest ends up.

I'm pretty sure I could actually write out some late game events here and no one would believe me.

Shitenshi
Mar 12, 2013
gently caress me, I didn't 100% this game, but I thought the only things I missed were a few bonus bosses and dungeons. Either I completely forgot about this trading quest or was never even aware of it until now.

ultrafilter posted:

I'm pretty sure I could actually write out some late game events here and no one would believe me.

Word. It's right up there with Kingdom Hearts for sheer batshit insanity, and some of the looniest stuff doesn't even come from liberties with the whole alternate history thing.

Shitenshi fucked around with this message at 02:50 on Aug 20, 2019

Oxxidation
Jul 22, 2007
and unlike kingdom hearts there's a method to its madness, it's a rollicking period-piece cross-continental journey that just happens to be spiced with events like, er, *gestures wildly at previous update*

Rabbi Raccoon
Mar 31, 2009

I stabbed you dude!
The only constant to this game is Blanca being awesome, always.

DukeofCA
Aug 18, 2011

I am shocked and appalled.

ultrafilter posted:

I'm pretty sure I could actually write out some late game events here and no one would believe me.

Best game to play two truths and a lie with.

Space Cadet Omoly
Jan 15, 2014

~Groovy~


ultrafilter posted:

I also screwed up the trading quest.

Aw geez, the straw thing is the kind of trading quest you can screw up permanently? That's just unfair.

OminousEdge
Apr 4, 2013

ultrafilter posted:

I'm pretty sure I could actually write out some late game events here and no one would believe me.

I'm pretty sure we could write complete and utter nonsense and have it be more believable than what we will experience throughout this game. And by saying this anyone who has played can now write out whatever they want and those in this blind will not be sure WHAT to believe as they will constantly wonder what we are saying is too absurd to be true, not absurd enough and so on.

Jagged Jim
Sep 26, 2013

I... I can only look though the window...

Space Cadet Omoly posted:

Aw geez, the straw thing is the kind of trading quest you can screw up permanently? That's just unfair.

Yep. They even threw in a couple of dead end trades as an extra "gently caress you, buy the strategy guide."

e: I am good at spoiler tags. :downs:

Neddy Seagoon
Oct 12, 2012

"Hi Everybody!"

Jagged Jim posted:

Yep. They even threw in a couple of dead end trades as an extra "gently caress you, buy the strategy guide."

e: I am good at spoiler tags. :downs:

Ah fuuuck :cripes:. I'm playing through Covenant right now and definitely hosed myself on the trading sidequest.

The Dark Id
Aug 13, 2005

Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]
Yeah the Trading Quest is the like the only thing that has several gently caress you endings if you do it wrong and zero indication when you're loving up. It's peak PS2 "gently caress you buy a guide!"

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.
If there's one thing I appreciate about this game, it's how they didn't go the cheap and easy route and make the Magimel brothers sound like stereotypical "flaming gay" people.

No, instead they sound like stereotypical dirty Frenchmen.

Tallgeese
May 11, 2008

MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR


I thought it didn't actually matter if you failed the Trading Quest; doesn't the final reward becomes obtainable an alternative way if you do?

Geostomp
Oct 22, 2008

Unite: MASH!!
~They've got the bad guys on the run!~
Joachim remains the best party member in this or any other game in this series.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Tallgeese posted:

I thought it didn't actually matter if you failed the Trading Quest; doesn't the final reward becomes obtainable an alternative way if you do?

Yes, but there's a cutscene you won't see unless you do it right.

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Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010


If you must blink, do it now.

CmdrKing posted:

I wonder if there's any actual blind readers in the thread, and if their wildest guesses could actually capture where this sidequest ends up.
Semi-blind here, I don't know anything about Joachim except for two things, and I don't know if either of them relate to this and I'm not gonna play the CIA document game.

But unless one of the two things I know ends up being the actual end of this, I haven't the foggiest.

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