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Iron Crowned posted:As I was writing this my April VinSyn haul arrived, so look forward to some bonus reviews. oooh, forgot about that gialli set was coming up, I might need to pick that up
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Apr 24, 2020 16:37
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gey muckle mowser posted:oooh, forgot about that gialli set was coming up, I might need to pick that up The Halfway to Black Friday sale is next month 
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Apr 24, 2020 16:49
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 118) Murdercycle - 1999 - TubiTV I was hoping this one was this movie I'd seen the trailer of where it's a vampire motorcycle tearing around hunting for blood. Sadly, this film wasn't that. The only reason I watched this in full was because I was having some trouble wrapping my brain around what I was seeing. Premise is the standard B-movie alien tech goes wild, but everything else is where things get strange. All the characters are named after comic book artists. While that's not something odd, after all, Night of the Creeps has characters named after horror directors. What makes the naming weird here is there's a hell of a lot of comic book referencing and dialog here. Seriously, one of the lines in this movie is "What would Mr. Fantastic do now?". It's like obsessed comic book fans who have trouble relating to anything not comic books wrote this. If this was a film from the 80s, it'd be no big deal, but for 1999, it's just strange.  119) Area 51 - 2011 - TubiTV About the only worthwhile thing in this movie was some of the alien designs. The rest is pretty forgettable since it's all stuff cribbed from better films. Just skip this one.  120) Sunset Society - 2018 - TubiTV I was sold at 'Vampire Lord Lemmy'. This film will likely click more with metalheads because of the casting. Same for anyone familiar with Sunset Strip culture from back in the day. Anyone else this'll probably feel like a fairly weak b-movie. Story centers around a secret vampire society. It's obvious this one's been long in the works since we lost Lemmy back in 2015. I feel it's worth a watch because, c'mon, Vampire Lord Lemmy.
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Apr 24, 2020 17:14
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32. Sleepaway Camp (1983) - Robert Hiltzik I think this is still a quite entertaining feature. The kid actors being kids lends a very natural and non-artificial tone to their actions and line deliveries that most movies don't get quite right when the actors are well into their 20's, but acting like they're in their teens. The kills are still goofy fun and very soft nowadays (tho I did quite enjoy the 3rd degree burn effects that the pervert gets in the beginning of the movie, well deserved too). As for its infamous ending, it's still the same. I think I enjoyed it a lot as a kid and teen, but now as an adult I can see where it can get a bit problematic for some people, but I don't know if the intentions of the writer/director were meant as harmful or if they were coming from a place of genuine empathy, but being twisted because that's what horror does, it twists our realities into knots and displays them in their full glory. It's an ending that deserves to be discussed tho because it is shocking the first time you see it and realize what's been going on all this time. I've got no comment on the sequels as I haven't spent much time with them besides watching youtube clips here and there and where those go with the information you get at the end of the first one. 33. Underwater (2020) - William Eubank Great little b-movie here. I've always liked K.Stew and she looks like she's having fun here. The set design is phenomenal, the costumes are great and the story thumps along quite well in almost a tight 90minute runtime. They did a lot of great things here in such a short period that I almost want more, but don't quite think we'll be seeing a sequel anytime soon (at least not a theater run one, maybe VOD). 34. Cloverfield (2008) - Matt Reeves I was one of those people completely sucked into the early press hype and trailer reveal. It was engaging, fun and genuinely exciting all the way through to get to the release of this film. It reminded me of the days of The Blair Witch Project, The Matrix or Halo 2's release runs in their effective marketing and strategy to keep viewers attached to the project. As for the film, I think it holds up quite well. The concept is solid, the actors while not the best totally sell what's going on around them and the genuine thrill of chasing/being chased and the lead-in to the chaos are exceptionally well done. I'd still love a godzilla film told from this point of view because there's like a billion godzilla movies and one on the ground would be quite fun. maybe the only thing that doesnt hold up is all the music at the party. some of it should be left in 2008.
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Apr 24, 2020 18:28
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42. Brain Damage (1988) Frank Henenlotter's movies aren't what you would call "good" by any stretch of the imagination. But, by god, they're fun. Brain Damage is the story of a man who wakes up one day to find a horrid little creature (with a weirdly Bing Crosby-esque voice) burrowed into his neck. The creature gives him vivid and wonderful hallucinations, at the expense of being allowed to murder people around New York. It's half buddy murder comedy, half monster movie, and half treatise on the horrors of addiction. That's right, say what you will about Henenlotter's films, but they certainly always give 150%. It's low budget schlock, but it had me laughing and grimacing (in a good way) for most of its runtime. Not as good as Basket Case, but still entertaining. Watched so far: 1. Zombie (1979) / 2. Frankenstein (1931) / 3. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) / 4. Basket Case (1982) / 5. Carrie (1976) / 6. Audition (1999) / 7. Creepshow (1982) / 8. Cannibal Holocaust (1980) / 9. Daniel Isn't Real (2020) / 10. Popcorn (1991) / 11. Matango (1963) / 12. Raw (2016) / 13. Men Behind The Sun (1988) / 14. Freaks (1932) / 15. Island of Lost Souls (1932) / 16. Hagazussa (2017) / 17. Guinea Pig 4: Mermaid in a Manhole (1988) / 18. The Mummy (1932) / 19. The Old Dark House (1932) / 20. The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971) / 21. American Mary (2012) / 22. The Invisible Man (1933) / 23. The New York Ripper (1982) / 24. The Head Hunter (2018) / 25. Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989) / 26. The Wailing (2016) / 27. Dude Bro Party Massacre III (2015) / 28. The Hunt (2020) / 29. Tetsuo II: Body Hammer (1992) / 30. Friday the 13th (2009) / 31. Amer (2009) / 32. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988) / 33. A Bucket of Blood (1959) / 34. Demons (1985) / 35. Creepshow 2 (1987) / 36. All the Colors of Giallo (2019) / 37. Human Lanterns (1982) / 38. Bay of Blood (1971) / 39. Tenebre (1982) / 40. Don't Torture a Duckling (1972) / 41. Opera (1987) / 42. Brain Damage (1988)
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Apr 24, 2020 18:41
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 76 (95). The Nun (2018) Directed by Corin Hardy, written by Gary Dauberman, Watched on HBO. In the 1950s a priest and a novice nun are sent to a Romanian monastery to investigate the suicide of one of the nuns and discover that the monastery is believed to possess a great evil and that the nuns within may be victim or host to it. The Conjuring-verse sure doesn’t do subtly, does it? Its like go go go. I liked the first film because I think the family really held it together and let us focus on their pain and anguish and the effort to save them. I thought the second film lost that and focused far too much on the idea of the Warrens as super heroes. It wasn’t about the family’s suffering, it was about the Warrens’ danger. When I saw that the female lead of the Nun was Taissa Farmiga I kind of rolled my eyes. When I saw she suffered from visions I sighed. Allegedly this was an accident but I can’t say I buy that. You didn’t write a character who is a parallel to your great main hero and then just happen to cast her sister. But I like both Farmiga sisters so it wasn’t a big deal, just felt like a bad sign. I think the Nun has a similar problem in a lack of real established stakes. Its a battle of good vs evil but there’s no victim caught between. Frenchie was right. They probably should have just left that place all sealed up tight and just freeze Valek out. But I guess that’s not really how demon imprisonment rules work or something. But like the character I most connected with was Frenchie just because he was the closest thing to an innocent victim. I mean, the priest and nun didn’t ask for this or do anything to deservee it but they’re the protagonist heroes so like… its their thing. Frenchie’s just the door bastard trying to make a living getting caught up in it and deciding to not turn his back so he was my guy. Its not without its jump scares and moments and all, but I think the pacing is just too frantic for any of it to really hit like it should. The movie never gives you a chance to breath so you just become accustomed to it. I didn’t hate the movie or anything, but I wasn’t engrossed or affected by it either. And it just swung some drat hard for everything. I mean the literal blood of Christ? Subtlety goes a long way, guys. You can reign it in every once and awhile. I definitely am starting to see why people get so riled up about the Conjuring verse. Well not why they get SO riled up. I never understood why people get upset at harmlessly popular things they don’t like. But I can see why you wouldn’t like it. Its all so over the top and cranked to 11 and overly cutesy about its connections to each other that don’t really mean anything (seriously, you can’t convince me she just read for the part well). Although… and this will probably get me killed… having thought a bunch about Hammer films the last day I kind of felt like this movie felt like the 2010s version of Hammer. Over the top, big moody set pieces, cheesy almost to the point of embarrassing, driven on tenuous links. I think I have a sense of what to expect from the other Conjuring verse movie I have planned before the month is through. And yeah, I’ll be watching it because while this didn’t thrill me it also didn’t really turn me away and I’ve already watched like 4 really bad and in some cases offensive TCM sequels. So I can watch one more over the top cheesy film. Maybe it will star Patrick Wilson’s brother or something. It does amuse me to see that the film sparked goofy reviews form Catholic publications over whether it was a good message of prayer defeating real life demons or a mistaken depiction because real life demons would have never made it past the prayers in the first place. I’m no theologian so I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure we shelved the whole “devil is an actual guy” thing awhile ago.  77 (96). Greta (2019) Written and directed by Neil Jordan, co-written by Ray Wright. Watched on HBO. Francis returns a lost purse to the kindly older Greta and connects with her instantly and begins a relationship that helps her work through her mother’s recent death. But the relationship quickly becomes unhealthy and Greta has secrets, and when Francis tries to cut it off things get obsessive. I liked that. It was uneven at times and the pacing was a bit odd. I was surprised how quickly Frances figured out what was going on and tried to cut it off and I thought the build of Greta’s threat kind of went on a bit long. Part of me thinks that was intentional because there’s a point midway through where I was kind of expecting the film to twist around become about Frances becoming obsessed with Greta or getting upset enough at her friend and father to get all twisted and seek out Greta. It never did those things and I ended up in a weird place where I didn’t know if I was glad it didn’t make the not totally logical twist I expected or disappointed it stayed on the predictable path? Weird and dumb on my part but the sort of thing that happens when you get “twists” in your head and I think it confused the middle for me. But I also think maybe that was kind of intentional and they teased it a bit and that middle part was kind of supposed to drag out a bit where you wonder how much of a threat Greta really is as everyone’s telling Francis to just ghost her or ignore her. But man, when the third act comes that poo poo is INTENSE! I was iffy all the way up to that point and even when it started I was like “40 more minutes, really?” But that 40 FLEW by and by the end of it I swear to god I was crying. I was so emotionally invested I couldn’t hold it back. Chloe Grace Moretz’ absolute terror and trauma at all of it became my terror and trauma. I was so happy and pumped when Erica showed up to save the day and then so terrified that Greta was gonna get her too. As Moretz crawled into a fetal position in abject terror I was right there with her. I was so scared. “Greta has a gun!” I yelled at the tv! I literally yelled at the tv. And oh god, what if this is just another hallucination to torture her? I was terrified and I just wanted to cry and hold Francis and tell her it would be ok. Its possible I’ve lacked human contact for too long. Its been a long quarantine. But yeah, I really liked this and would recommend it, with the caveat that you might have to rough it through the middle part. Its not bad, it just doesn’t totally feel like its going somewhere. But boy does it.
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Apr 24, 2020 20:23
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43. Deathgasm (2015) You can absolutely see the pedigree in Jason Lei Howden's "Deathgasm". Take one part Evil Dead, one part Dead Alive, and then toss in a whole lot of heavy metal. This movie is a blast. Four high school screwups start a band and play a cursed Latin music sheet, bringing forth the demons of Hell. It's such a simple concept, but the film has surprisingly good character development, and fantastic special effects. Don't sleep on this one, it's great. Watched so far: 1. Zombie (1979) / 2. Frankenstein (1931) / 3. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) / 4. Basket Case (1982) / 5. Carrie (1976) / 6. Audition (1999) / 7. Creepshow (1982) / 8. Cannibal Holocaust (1980) / 9. Daniel Isn't Real (2020) / 10. Popcorn (1991) / 11. Matango (1963) / 12. Raw (2016) / 13. Men Behind The Sun (1988) / 14. Freaks (1932) / 15. Island of Lost Souls (1932) / 16. Hagazussa (2017) / 17. Guinea Pig 4: Mermaid in a Manhole (1988) / 18. The Mummy (1932) / 19. The Old Dark House (1932) / 20. The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971) / 21. American Mary (2012) / 22. The Invisible Man (1933) / 23. The New York Ripper (1982) / 24. The Head Hunter (2018) / 25. Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989) / 26. The Wailing (2016) / 27. Dude Bro Party Massacre III (2015) / 28. The Hunt (2020) / 29. Tetsuo II: Body Hammer (1992) / 30. Friday the 13th (2009) / 31. Amer (2009) / 32. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988) / 33. A Bucket of Blood (1959) / 34. Demons (1985) / 35. Creepshow 2 (1987) / 36. All the Colors of Giallo (2019) / 37. Human Lanterns (1982) / 38. Bay of Blood (1971) / 39. Tenebre (1982) / 40. Don't Torture a Duckling (1972) / 41. Opera (1987) / 42. Brain Damage (1988) / 43. Deathgasm (2015)
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Apr 24, 2020 20:49
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8. City of the Living Dead (1980)  There's some extremely good stuff in here, and I think the set for the climax alone justified my time with it, but I spent a large chunk of the movie wishing I had been watching The Beyond instead. The priest seems like a cool inclusion right about through the intestine vomiting, but is apparently powerless against bearded dudes and that's just not the dynamic I'm looking for from Fulci. Also a majority of the on-screen kills are the exact same crushing the back of the head thing. Not the best work of anyone involved, but still worthwhile.
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Apr 24, 2020 22:09
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 78 (97). Upgrade (2018) Written and directed by Leigh Whannell. Watched on HBO, also available on DirectTV and Prime’s Cinemax channel. A man left quadriplegic by an attack that where his wife was killed is implanted with an experimental super chip that returns his ability to move but also has a sentient voice that can control his body allowing him to do things he never could and helping him track down the men who killed his wife and push him into an escalating journey for revenge. There was a ton of hype about this and its going off HBO in April so I figured I’d give this a try, but I went in with pretty low expectations since it just didn’t really seem like my thing. That mostly bore out. I didn’t hate it or anything. I enjoyed Logan Marshall-Green’s performance. But as I expected most of the appeal was the cyber punk sci-fi stuff and that’s not my thing. I’m a guy who didn’t like either Blade Runner. I was good with it for like the first hour but once we got to stuff like weaponized biotech sneezes it started to lose me. No disrespect, just not my thing. I’m also not super understanding why this is categorized as “horror”. I mean, there’s some horror in the idea of STEM controlling Grey and whether or not he was really acting in Grey’s interests or if STEM was pushing him to cross lines for his own purposes. But that was played more as subtext than the actual drive of the film. I actually had a writeup for the synopsis of the film that went that route making it sound way more horror than it was but it just didn’t play out like that at all. Instead it was more a whole futuristic cyber punk conspiracy on the nature of humanity or something. Although the very end definitely was more horror along the lines of what I was thinking. It just didn’t feel as much there in the journey. I didn’t dislike it or anything. Like I said, I really liked the lead actor’s performance and its a solid story, if not super surprising or something that seems terribly uncommon from a lot of sci-fi stories. But if you like stuff like Blade Runner then you’ll probably dig this too. I thought it was fine.  79 (98). Psycho (1998) Directed by Gus Van Sant, Screenplay by Joseph Stefano, Based on Psycho by Robert Bloch. Watched on Starz, also available on DirectTV and Amazon’s HBO channel. A nearly shot for shot, line for line remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s classic story about a young woman who steals a small fortune to start a new life with her lover but stops at the wrong motel over night and meets Norman Bates, a young man with a disturbing relationship with his mother. Its generally impossible to watch a remake of a classic without directly comparing one to one with everything. Its something I try to avoid since I think you should judge it on its own merits, but its impossible to divorce the two. I argued it a bunch of times in this month (as I’ve watched a number of remakes of classics) but I think you have to find that line between respectful homage and original vision. Some way to make it feel justified for taking from the past but also for needing to be made to provide something new. Van Sant’s Psycho is a weird one since it feels like a big filmmaker’s experiment. And I’ve also done a big rant on how filmmakers making films for filmmakers is incredible self indulgent and niche and the true probably holds here. But there’s no real harm in nerds being nerds and I guess I find this experiment slightly more interesting than the other. Which isn’t to say I think this is a good movie. It is… to put it simply… completely soulless. It feels so by the numbers and empty except as an experiment. And maybe that was the thesis. That you can’t just paint my numbers a great work of art and still have a great work… or even art. It feels generous to assume Van Sant and the cast WANTED to make something bad and I wouldn’t go that far. But I can absolutely get the idea of just trying something weird to see what happens. At the very least anyone who has ever cooked probably knows that feeling and I imagine any “artist” or maker of things or what have you knows that fun feeling sometimes and it kind of feels what’s happening here. But beyond any ideas of “soul” or “greater than sum of its parts” the obvious problem is Vince Vaughn ain’t Anthony Perkins. Perkins is amazing in the original. Just genuinely one of the greatest single actor performances I think I’ve ever seen. And Vince Vaughn is… Vince Vaughn. It seems crazy to think there was a time when Vaughn was a big enough deal to think he could pull that off and at a base level I don’t think Vaughn is capable of projecting the innocence that Perkins could to make the shift into menace so enthralling and terrifying. I also could have gone my whole life without seeing Vaughn masturbate. Thanks for that, Gus. There’s also a missing element from this of that thing Hitchcock did so well in making a film feel like one genre and then shifting it into another. You can take the same shots, lines, and soundtrack and yet the first 30 minutes of Hitchcock’s Psycho feels like a film noir, not a horror film, and that’s such a big part of what makes it work. That shift and surprise. For whatever intangible reason of tone Van Sant’s always feels like I’m watching Psycho from the word go. There’s apparently a mashup of the two films by Steven Soderbergh in black and white out there somewhere under the name “Psychos”. I’m not gonna watch that now but I’m curious to give it a look sometime. Next year maybe my goal will be to find 13 weird rear end edits of movies like Soderbergh’s Psychos, the “Carpenter Cut” of the real bad Halloween movie, and the long awaited Friday the 13th mashup. Just looking at it really quickly its stark how much differently Van Sant’s stuff looks in black and white. I don’t think that proves that the movie is good or anything but it really does hammer home the idea of small little tweaks and intangibles that can give a movie life or take it away. Psycho ’98 is not a good movie but its a weird rear end experiment in filmmaking and art. And I guess that’s something.
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Apr 25, 2020 01:22
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dorium posted:32. Sleepaway Camp (1983) - Robert Hiltzik  I can definitely see how the author's intent was probably to be exploitative and sensational, but ultimately what they gave us was a sympathetic portrayal of a person dealing with a complex feelings regarding their gender and sexuality, and where else was that being explored in the media of the time? The arthouse maybe? As a person with multiple overlapping queer identities, I don't want people like me to be shelved because we're too complicated, or too delicate, or because the backlash might be difficult to deal with. Give me a messy loving flawed portrayal, give me irredeemable unlikable cunty assholes, give me the bullshit twist ending. I'd rather be reflected on screen poorly than not reflected at all, or worse shoved into some safe bullshit best friend role. [/big feelings]
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Apr 25, 2020 01:41
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STAC Goat posted:
The little weird clips of the cow in the road and the naked girl with the mask felt really out of place to me, though I suppose it's supposed to be the weird random thoughts you might have at the moment of your death?
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Apr 25, 2020 02:35
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 121) Sheep Skin - 2013 - TubiTV This one was pretty interesting. I'm not sure if the premise has been done before. Story is a guy and his bandmates kidnap a businessman they believe is a werewolf who killed the guy's sister. I liked how this bounced around between is the businessguy a werewolf or is the band guy's head still messed with grief. Only nitpick I can really find is perhaps they could've trimmed a little with tightening up the dialog, other than that, this one's worth a watch.  122) Tulpa - 2013 - TubiTV There's just something about modern gialli that just falls a bit flat to me. Not sure what it is, but it feels like a 'so close-not quite' kinda thing. It doesn't make them bad films, just that they fully don't click with me to the same degree the classic gialli do. In this one, a woman who goes to a private sex club starts having her lovers turn up dead and she has to figure out who's behind it. This was okay enough, I'd recommend it to those I know who enjoy modern gialli.  123) The Velvet Vampire - 1971 - TubiTV I never expected to come across an American film that channels the erotic Euro-horror tone so well I had to double check the country of origin. If I was more sure which film came out first, I'd say the director was channeling Daughters of Darkness on this one. It's definitely more heavy on style than substance, but since I like that type of Eurohorror, I didn't mind that at all. I highly recommend this one if you like that Rollin-esque Eurohorror vibe.
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Apr 25, 2020 03:01
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Gripweed posted:If you haven't seen it, watch Occult I finally watched it! Man, this movie slaps. So this is a found footage/documentary about this group investigating and documenting a bizarre stabbing attack. They talk with the lone survivor who was stabbed and didn’t die, and find that there are some weird things going on with him. The movie escalated from there. Where this movie really excels in how grounded so much of it is. There’s a lot of time spent eating fast food or at nice restaurants. The survivor is homeless and very concerned about money and we get a look at his daily routine pretty closely. However, the plot begins picking up with these bizarre events or bizarre statements from the survivor or others. The special effects in these are usually really low quality, but i think they heighten the surrealism of what is going on. Perhaps the camera can only render the supernatural in ways that do it no justice. The music in this really sets the mood, and it often has sounds similar to film glitching. This is a movie that constantly reminds us that it is footage, that it is artificial, while also drawing us into the humanity of the characters. There is commentary on mental illness and the lives of people struggling with it. One particularly hilarious moment is when a character in the midst of planning a large occult ceremony is attacked by someone trying to stop him and after he flees the attacker he refers to the “loving loonies” out in the world. Maybe these weird special effects are hallucinations? So obviously fake to the viewer or the third party, but real and terrifying or awe-inspiring to the person having them. The movie’s final scene is both a punchline and terrifying. More artificial effects but more of the creepy soundtrack and some great acting by the character in it. This really feels like an exploration of mental illness, of the overlapping realities of the “sick” and the “healthy.” This is a reaction to attacks in Japan and around the world, and the mindset of those who perpetrate them. They see another reality, one that we don’t believe in, but that can be forced into our lives when things go wrong. And what about all the eating, and mentions about mad cow disease? Commentary on mindless consumption and the breaks with reality that it can create? Multiple real life brands are depicted, sometimes even bleeped out for copyright reasons. These in themselves are just artificial representations of deeper desires. Without realizing it, we all give in to the delusion where a hamburger is not a hamburger, but instead a pair of Golden Arches. And this delusion could literally drive us and those in the film mad. Great movie!
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Apr 25, 2020 05:44
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 66+3. Teeth (2007) I quite liked this one. The story is about a female highschool student and abstinence only enthusiast, who has her worldview challenged by events beyond her control. That is about as far into the plot as I'm willing to reveal, because I went into this film cold and at the 40 minute mark I still didn't know where the film was going, and I mean that in the best possible sense. The first act sets up that her and her crowd are the platonic ideal of christian fundamentalist squares. They're horribly ernest, naive, chaste, and twee. At one point they go to a cinema and decide that the only film appropriate for them to watch is a children's cartoon. The second act then capitalises on that innocence by placing her into situations in which every small movement and glance feels sexually fraught, and they continue to expertly build that tension until, well, the twist happens. Then the film shows its hand as an incredibly dry, black comedy, that takes an extreme amount of pleasure from seeing how far it can push the audience and its premise. The gore in particular is a thing of beauty. The film isn't a complete success, in some areas it treads over the line into wackiness. There is also a central conflict in the film between her and her brother, which doesn't really feel earned, and the resolution is a bit hamfisted. It feels like they had the skeleton of a great film, but didn't really know how to flesh it out. However as an exploration of someone recovering from abstinence-only education and then discovering their body anew, it's loving fantastic. It probably deserves 3/5, but I'm going to give it... 4/5 because I love vagina dentata and watching cocks being bitten off and then waved around by crabs triumphantly.
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Apr 25, 2020 05:50
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PeterCat posted:The little weird clips of the cow in the road and the naked girl with the mask felt really out of place to me, though I suppose it's supposed to be the weird random thoughts you might have at the moment of your death? Yeah, it felt very "film studenty" to me. The whole thing was weird and I just ended up watching it less as a movie and more as a film project I was evaluating. Maybe Van Sant wanted to change that scene up a little since the recreation of that shot for shot looked very awkward? Or maybe it was part of his "make it more explicit" stuff? I dunno. It was all just weird.
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Apr 25, 2020 12:26
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16. Burial Ground Zombies of ancient Etruscans are back for Italian blood and get it in the form of several couples at a rustic Roman estate. I haven't seen a zombie movie in years, the last one was probably Train to Busan when it came out. The genre is beyond dead for me, and there is absolutely no way I can be made to give a poo poo again about shambling folk in make up playing with offal and paint. I watched this because I was promised stupid bullshit, and I definitely got it. The main source of the stupid bullshit is a mother and her preteen boy, who is clearly played by a grown rear end man, a full blown adult, speaking in a fake high pitched voice even in the dubbed version. The couple absolutely radiates insane sex energy, and it's probably one of the weirdest things I've seen in a long rear end time. The zombie stuff is stale, but these two, oh boy. They carry the movie for me. 17. Noroi : The Curse  Documentary by a journalist investigating the disappearance of a psychic child. Very solid and creepy without relying on the usual found footage jump scares. It's an interesting mystery and seeing it unraveled throughout the course of the documentary is compelling, but I think the movie is a bit too concerned with making sure the viewer understands what is happening in great detail - repeating important information, playing the same tape twice zooming in on things in the background, that sort of thing. This is of course what a documentary would do, but in the end I feel it reveals too much and ties up too neatly. Some very spooky scenes though, so I definitely recommend it. Watched: 1. Southbound, 2. Vampire Circus, 3. Verotika, 4. Next of Kin, 5. Frankenstein (1931), 6. Body Bags , 7. Hell House LLC, 8. Three Extremes, 9. Dracula (1931), 10. The Stuff, 11. Dracula (1973), 12. Ganja and Hess, 13. I See You, 14 Evil of Dracula, 15. Haunting on Hill House, 16. Burial Ground, 17. Noroi: The Curse
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Apr 25, 2020 18:59
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It's a goddamn double feature! Two Thai horror movies released in a single pack by, confusingly, Tokyo Shock #31 The Commitment No one gets their face sewed up. That image is a liar The premise is really fantastic. A group of high school girls go to a shrine and wish for things and make promises of what they'll do if they get them. Of course it's all a joke, they don't take it seriously, until their wishes come true and they start to realize that now they'll have to keep their promises too. That's great, that could be a really good Final Destination meets truth or dare type teen horror. So how'd The Commitment gently caress it up? There's 8 girls in the group that go to the shrine. So there should be 8 wishes and 8 promises, right? Wrong! There's one wish and four promises. It's all this girl will get into medical school. And the promises are like, "I'll bow down before a girl I hate" and "I'll shave my head". Super lame poo poo. They established that none of the girls were taking it seriously, so the promises should've been difficult or almost impossible to do! And the scary stuff is also terrible, it's just scary dreams and occasionally seeing a ghost with a hosed up face. And since there's so little horror stuff, a huge amount of the running time is dedicated to the girl who got into medical school arguing with her dad about whether she should go to medical school or do study abroad with her friends. The weird thing is, I'm pretty sure it's intentional. The filmmakers made the choice to not commit to the premise just so they could set up the end where the main girl has actually forgotten that she even made a promise. Which, yeah, if you have a strong in-universe pattern of seven other girls getting their wishes and then either fulfilling their promises or having something terrible happen to them, then yeah it wouldn't make sense for the main girl to have forgotten. But that makes the movie suck! It makes the bulk of the film boring and the ending unsatisfying and mean spirited! Someone, anyone, please ripoff or remake the Commitment, but actually do the thing with the wishes and the promises. Everybody else, don't bother with The Commitment. #32 The Unborn You can cut The Unborn in half and get two half movies that aren't bad, but do not work at all when stuck together. The first half is actually pretty solid. A young woman gets beaten up and left for dead in a swamp by her dealer/boyfriend. She gets found and is taken to a hospital where nobody gives a poo poo about her and she has to deal with horrifying visions that might be a result of her detoxing, brain damage from almost drowning, PTSD from getting attempted murdered, shock from finding out she's pregnant, or a ghost. I liked this part, it's full of good scary imagery that works as ghost stuff but also works as like expressions of her trauma. There's a great bit where she's in the bathroom about to snort some coke off the sink when she sees a ghost in one of the stalls. then she looks up and suddenly the whole bathroom is instantly filled with water and she's drowning. It's great. The second half is about the woman, who is fine now, and her drug rehab officer(? I dunno, I guess it's something they do in Thailand?) investigating the drowning death of a woman and the disappearance of her unborn baby two years ago, spurned on by clues in ghostly visions. And that part isn't bad either. Nothing amazing, but it's not bad. The problem is they gently caress each other up. A big part of the first half is how the lady is trapped in a system where nobody cares about her. Nurses belittle her to her face, the rehab officer just wants to get some forms signed, the hospital administrator won't let her leave the hospital until she promises not to have an abortion. It's horrible and isolating. But then in the second half the rehab officer is actually a nice and helpful guy because he believes in the ghosts, he was just brusque earlier because he thought she was a druggie but she's not so it's fine now. And the hospital administrator was right, abortion is bad and it's good that she keeps the baby. So the second half completely undoes the first half, which retroactively turns the first half into a boring pointless parade of scares just filling time until we get to the actual story with the investigation. It sucks no matter which way you're going! Argh! They kinda try to tie the two halfs together near the end with a twist, but the twist is so loving stupid it doesn't work at all. The Unborn is actually pretty good if your DVD player breaks halfway through! But if you're gonna watch it to the end, don't bother. Also, I gotta say, the subtitles were dogshit. Both movies had missing lines and The Unborn had a ton of typos. Do better, Tokyo Shock.
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Apr 25, 2020 20:00
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 124) Plague - 2015 - TubiTV I think we've all sat through enough zombie films to accurately guess what's going to be in the most generic of the subgenre. People will be acting stupid, someone's going to get infected and turn, there's going to be some perv who's going to sexually assault and/or rape someone...etc... This film hits all those and rather than try anything new, just doubles down on what it hits. The zombies take such a backseat to the survivor's drama that you could swap them out with generic pandemic, bug men from the Moon, mass insanity caused by prolonged loss of internet, or no reason-everything went to total poo poo and it would barely change anything if at all. This wasn't worth the watch.  125) Before Someone Gets Hurt - 2018 - TubiTV It would not surprise me if the people behind this one put ideas on a dartboard and blind aimed throws. It's a jumble of ghost hunters, a satanic cult, pranks, and Lucifer gaming his way back into Heaven with fifty thousand souls. Maybe this could work with creative people who know what they're doing, but it definitely doesn't work with the people who did this one. If I paid to watch this, I'd be salty. Skip this.
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Apr 25, 2020 22:41
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 80 (99). Omen IV: The Awakening (1991) Directed by Jorge Montesi and Dominique Othenin-Girard, Written by Harvey Bernhard and Brian Taggert. Watched on DVD. Sure Damien Thorne might have been stopped by some incompetent monks, a helicopter mom, and the baby Jesus but the antichrist has been reborn! And this time its a girl! She’s a brat, she bites people, she spits, she pays way too much attention to politics and the only thing that can stop her? The healing power of crystals! The Omen is a bad franchise. I mean, there’s a lot of franchises with bad sequels but I don’t know that there’s any that has as stark a drop from a great original film to just terrible, no fun in any way sequels as The Omen. They’re all just so boring and mundane. So when I saw the 4th one was a TV movie I went in dreading it and pegging it as a “watch while I do some work” movie but then I got a pleasant surprise. Instead of Christians and the power of Jesus as the counter for the devil we’re gonna do the magic power of crystals and people with ESP who read auras! From that point on the movie became a comedy, and while it wasn’t a very good one I couldn’t help but laugh at a fair of magical people getting their auras all out of whack because the antichrist came in… man, I had a good laugh. And it doesn’t stop at the psychic fair. We get rapture reading priests and snake handlers. This really runs the gauntlet of fringe nutty religious folk all taking a turn being sketched out by the devil girl. Faye Grant is the parent in the position to discover the truth this time and I was kind of happy about that since I was a huge fan of V when I was a kid so it was a kick to see her. But besides the fact that she’s obviously not Gregory Peck and this obviously isn’t a good movie, there’s this weird thing where she doesn’t even need that much convincing that her kid is evil. She jumps all over the “aura” stuff and there’s this weird thing where she gives complete strangers the benefit of the doubt over her kid like every time. I mean, she’s right. Her kid is the devil and is always lying. But she doesn’t know that. She just kind of hates her kid. Then poo poo gets REALLY weird in the final act. drat near enough to turn this around. Not in a good way but like when Michael Lerner is being haunted by zombie choirs and Faye is stabbing fuckers poo poo picks up. There’s also a really nutty twist in the last 10 minutes… that’s also kind of weirdly misognystic. Like why can’t a girl be the antichrist? Why you gotta get all weird and have her conceive her brother son that her fake mom carries to term? That’s just icky to think about. poo poo got real loving weird. Not enough to make this worth watching but at least enough to make this feel like not a total complete waste of time. Only one Omen left.  81 (100). The Lighthouse (2019) Written and directed by Robert Eggers, co-written by Max Eggers. Watched on Prime. Robert Pattinson takes up a 1 month job as a lighthouse keeper under the management of the overbearing Willem Defoe but as the work, isolation, and hostility bear on both men fight to maintain their sanity and stay safe. Well… that was a journey. I was going to make self deprecating jokes about this being my 100th film of the month and how crazy that is and I need help and blah blah. But now I’m just sitting her thinking “thank God I watched 100 films over the last month instead of just losing my mind, masturbating to mermaid hallucinations, and drinking kerosene.” Things can always be worse. It really is a hell of a ride. I wasn’t sure what to make of it early on, and wasn’t sure if I thought it was too long mid way through. I was never really down on it I just didn’t know. But its all kind of worth it because its the journey and the slow descent into madness where even as a viewer I wasn’t entirely sure what happened and didn’t happen. I mean the simplest explanation is that Pattison was Defoe’s former second with the one eye who went mad and killed him and everything else was just his deranged hallucination and false memories as he dies on the beach. But like… I’m not sure of that. Maybe he killed a bird and cursed them. Maybe Defoe has lovely luck or just drives everyone crazy. Maybe Defoe was right and he was just a figment of Howard’s imagination as was the lighthouse as he died alone in the snow guilt ridden about his partner’s death. I honestly have no idea and I’m kind of completely at peace with that. It works in half a dozen different ways and they all basically play out the same way. Its obviously two pretty stellar performances from Pattinson and Defoe. I don’t know that I’ve ever actually seen Robert Pattinson in anything. I mean I think I saw Twilight once but I remember nothing about it except some weird vampire baseball scene. I wasn’t necessarily surprised he delivered with Defoe since all the hype suggested they would and I had no reason to doubt it. But its still kind of surprising and fun to see strong performances from actors you don’t necessarily expect it from. And his performance just builds and builds as it goes. Its also obviously a beautifully and well shot and directed film. I was a little iffy on some of the filming affectations right at the start but that faded very quickly and I got sucked in and eventually saw the value of them. The dreamy, mysterious way the whole story plays out leaving it unclear what’s real and what isn’t is all incredibly well done even before you really even know anything is happening. Really great film. I’m not sure I loved it as much as everyone else does but I’m not sure I didn’t either. Its probably a film that needs to sink in over time. As I write this I thought of more and more stuff and it feels like the kind of film I’ll just be working over in the back of my mind for awhile. It was going to my 1st film of the month. It ended up being my 100th film. It was well worth the wait and went a long way to both justifying that insane number and making me feel much better at the way I found to occupy the time and drive away the madness. The real crazy part is that 100 doesn't even count the movies I watched the week before to get ready. [sub]April “Spring Shut-In” Marathon Watched - New (Total) 1. Blood Punch (2014); 2. La morte vivanta aka The Living Dead Girl (1982); 3. Prom Night (1980); 4. Rabid (1977); 5. Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987); 6. Mayhem (2017); - (7). Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999); 7 (8). The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986); 8 (9). Color Out of Space (2020); - (10). Critters (1986); 9 (11). The Prophecy II (1998); 10 (12). Hell House LLC III: Lake of Fire (2019); 11 (13). Demons 2 (1986); 12 (14). Final Destination 2 (2003); 13 (15). Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell (2001); 14 (16). Maniac Cop (1988); - (17). The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971); 15 (18). Zombieland: Double Tap (2019); 16 (19). Hatchet (2006); - (20). Suspiria (1977); 17 (21). Climax (2018); 18 (22). The Prophecy 3: The Ascent (2000); 19 (23). Shudder’s Cursed Films; Episode 1: The Exorcist (2020)/Exorcist: The Beginning (2004); 20 (24). Psycho II (1983); 21 (25). Freaks of Nature (2015); 22 (26). Dave Made A Maze (2017); 23 (27). You Might Be The Killer (2018); 24 (28). Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990); 25 (29). One Cut of the Dead (2017); - (30). YellowBrickRoad (2010); 26 (31). Final Destination 3 (2006); 27 (32). Beyond Re-Animator (2003); 28 (33). The Wind (2019); 29 (34). 3 from Hell (2019); 30 (35). Patchwork (2015); - (36). Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1995); - (37). Shudder's Cursed Films: Episode 2: The Omen (2020)/The Omen (1976); - (38). Stake Land (2010); 31 (39). Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972); 32 (40). Hatchet II (2010); 33 (41). Horror Noire: A History of Black Horror (2019); - (42). See No Evil (2006); - (43). Critters 2: The Main Course (1988); 34 (44). Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001); 35 (45). Wishmaster: The Prophecy Fulfilled (2002); 36 (46). The Prophecy: Uprising (2005); 37 (47). Hatchet III (2013); 38 (48). The Final Destination (2009); 39 (49). Shudder’s Cursed Films: Episode 3: Poltergeist (2020)/Poltergeist (2015); - (50). The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003); 40 (51). Damien: Omen II (1978); 41 (52). Psycho III (1986); 42 (53). Piranha (1978); 43 (54). The Church (1989); 44 (55). Critters 3: You Are What They Eat (1991); 45 (56). Ruin Me (2017); 46 (57). I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House (2016); 47 (58). Girl on the Third Floor (2019); - (59). It (2017); 48 (60). It Chapter Two (2019); 49 (61). The Prophecy: Forsaken (2005); 50 (62). Critters 4 (1992); - (63). Psycho IV: The Beginning (1990); 51 (64). Final Destination 5 (2011); 52 (65). Omen III: The Final Conflict (1983); 53 (66). Inferno (1980); - (67). Tremors (1990); 54 (68). Satanic Panic (2019); 55 (69). The Dead Don’t Die (2019); 56 (70). The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006); - (71). Tremors 2: Aftershocks (1996); 57 (72). Shudder’s Cursed Films: Episode 4: The Crow (2020)/The Crow (1994); 58 (73). He Never Died (2015); 59 (74). Predator (1987); 60 (75). Why Horror? (2014); 61 (76). Tremors 3: Back To Perfection (2001); - (77). Shudder’s Cursed Films: Episode 5: Twilight Zone: The Movie (2020)/Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983); 62 (78). The Crow: City of Angels (1996); 63 (79). Predator 2 (1990); 64 (80). The Bay (2012); - (81). Alien vs. Predator (2004); 65 (82). The Crow: Salvation (2000); 66 (83). Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004); 67 (84). Texas Chainsaw 3D (2003); 68 (85). Tremors 5: Bloodlines (2016); 69 (86). Lights Out (2016); 70 (87). Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007); 71 (88). A Little Bit of Zombie (2012); 72 (89). The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005); 73 (90). Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell (2018); - (91). Predators (2010); 74 (92). Butterfly Kisses (2018); - (93). Pet (2016); 75 (94). Maniac Cop 2 (1990); 76 (95). The Nun (2018); 77 (96). Greta (2019); 78 (97). Upgrade (2018); 79 (98). Psycho (1998); 80 (99). Omen IV: The Awakening (1991); 81 (100). The Lighthouse (2019)
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Apr 25, 2020 23:12
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 66+4. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (Prime) So my history with this movie is that the last time I watched it I was an edgy teen. At that time I thought it was poser bullshit for sexually repressed bougie assholes. The later revelations of Richard O'Brien being a transphobic fuckwit also didn't help the case. So I've been eye rolling at the mention of this film for over twenty years now, so let's give it another chance. Everyone knows the plot to Rocky Horror. Brad and Janet are a couple, their cars breaks down, they go to a creepy castle, and then spooky goth gays shake them out of their comfortable middle America malaise. Ditch Brad and Janet and that sounds like a fun time honestly. The film is mostly spectacle and veneer held together with childish dream logic. There really isn't an interesting plot, or a strong emotional arc to grab hold of. Either you're charmed by the characters and performances, or the film isn't going to do much for you. This time around, well, how could I not be charmed by Tim Curry in his prime? He's wonderful, and an absolute pleasure every moment he's onscreen, and his final number is breathtaking. Barry Bostwick is also pretty decent, and doing his best Clark Kent impression. The rest of the cast hovers around the passable mark, with a few flourishes here and there. I loved Columbia and Magenta having a girl's night in, and wish we had more of them hamming it up together. It's pretty clear though that the filmmakers were probably more used to stage performances, than cinema. The film itself hustles along at an energetic pace and never feels boring, but it doesn't feel cinematic. After all that I actually didn't hate it this time around though, I actually quite enjoyed myself. Maybe I'm softening in my old age? The Time Warp is still loving lame though. 5/5 for Tim Curry 3/5 for everything else  66+5. Shock Treatment (Youtube) Did you know Rocky Horror has a sequel? Well you'll want to forget, but this film sucks. I'm not sure which way to address this film. As a sequel we're losing Tim Curry, Barry Bostwick, and Susan Sarandon, and the characters of Brad and Janet have completely different personalities now. Neither of them had particularly strong characters in the first film, but in this Brad is an awkward simpering boob, and Janet is vicious self-serving primadonna. With all that said, this film clearly isn't a sequel, it's a fresh IP with Brad and Janet cynically shoehorned for the name recognition. The musical structure remains the same, but the tone, imagery, and themes are completely different. The broad plot of the film is kind of like Running Man, but with a vague bigpharma theme instead of gladiatorial combat. Brad and Janet appear on a gameshow, and are encouraged to separate after some quite astonishingly light peer pressure. Brad is than sequestered into a mental health ward for "self improvement", drugged, placed in a straight jacket, locked in a cage, and then forgotten about for 90% of the movie. I imagine once Janet finds out how he's being treated she'll want revenge and, oh no, she knows exactly how he's being treated. She is then manipulated into doing some light television hosting gig, and well, the whole thing is kind of a mess. The film is covered in a Reagan era sheen. The characters are vapid and easily manipulated by the glitz of television. The television company also uses fascist imagery cloaked in the hallmarks of middle America. They are also in cahoots with some medical industry shenanigans, it's not very engaging or explained very well. The film doesn't really have any political depth to speak of, beyond just pointing vaguely at bad things and muttering "Bad thing bad?" And nothing really feels resolved at any point, things just happen when they need to, and stop happening once the plot demands it. I feel the need to point out though that the excellent Rik Mayall is a minor background character. Every time he's on screen I want him to run away with the camera and take me to another movie, perhaps Drop Dead Fred? I liked Drop Dead Fred. 2/5  66+6. The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let's Do The Timewarp Again (Prime) There are two things which instantly jumped out to me before watching this film. First this is a 12 certificate, so the sexual titillation is going to be very tame, and second it was made for TV. My expectations then were on the floor. The plot is, well, this is a shot for shot remake using the original script. If you've seen the original, you've seen this movie. What about the changes then? We've gotten rid of the awkward looking theatre nerd weirdos, and replaced them with conventionally attractive people who can hit their notes. It looks like Disney's Rocky Horror, and it makes it very difficult to accept that this is a punk, transgressive, anarchic film when it looks clean cut and is singing vibrato. The cinematography is, well this is literally a shot for shot remake, only now using televisual digital cameras and no creativity. We have the addition of cutaway to a cinema audience, but this just comes across as distracting at best, and pandering at worst. The cast are mainly doing awkward impersonations of the original cast, but with none of the campiness. Riff Raff here is disturbingly heterosexual, and seems constipated. Poor dear Tim Curry appears as the narrator, and it's clear that his health was failing at this point. His appearance is what affected me emotionally the most in the film, and for reasons entirely outside of the filmmaking process. To speak on the good side, Laverne Cox was great, she's no Tim Curry, but who is? She had trouble nailing the emotional high points, but otherwise performed the part well. Annaleigh Ashford's Columbia was extremely charming, and I was not prepared to fall in love with Adam Lambert.'s Eddie He just smolders and steals every scene he's in, even as a corpse. Can I just have a punk, grimy, sleazy gorefest starring Adam Lambert please? This is a thing I never knew I needed, but apparently I do. Grading on a curve, they actually did a pretty good job given the bizarre self-imposed restrictions. After all that, I actually feel a bit sentimental and emotional, like I want to watch the original movie again. I think after 20 years they may have actually gotten their hooks into me. 5/5 for Adam Lambert 2.5/5 for everything else With that, I'm done with my self-imposed restriction of watching 66+6 queer-interest horror flicks that are new to me, or at least I haven't watched in decades. The lesson I've learned is that choosing your movies from the posters alone is a lot less of a risk than I thought. There were no real duds, and quite a few amazing finds, but it did make it harder for me to find easily accessible online versions. Both of the Rocky Horror films for example I had to rent, and that sucks when you're on a budget. Next time I think I'll stick to streaming services and try to get lucky with tags and suggestions. It's also been nice to flex my writing muscle. I used to enjoy writing, so being able to write every day and have that effort appreciated was really touching for me.
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Apr 26, 2020 03:47
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44. The Lighthouse (2019) (rewatch for me, first time for my fiancee) Review originally written when I first saw it: HARK! What can I say about this that hasn't already been said so many times? I've been looking forward to this movie ever since I heard the director of The Witch was doing a 2nd film. I just finished watching, and I still have to digest it, but I already want to watch it again. There are probably a dozen shots that I would call some of the best single shots I've ever seen in a movie. The dialog is just as pitch-perfect as Eggers' previous work. Pattinson nails his roll, but Dafoe is an absolute revelation. Now I have to set to the work of actually thinking about and processing this movie. Eggers has said that he left a lot intentionally ambiguous - so other than the very obvious Greek myth comparison (not being specific so as to not spoil), I'm going to have a field day reading into The Lighthouse. This film lives up to the hype and then some. 5/5 Watched so far: 1. Zombie (1979) / 2. Frankenstein (1931) / 3. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) / 4. Basket Case (1982) / 5. Carrie (1976) / 6. Audition (1999) / 7. Creepshow (1982) / 8. Cannibal Holocaust (1980) / 9. Daniel Isn't Real (2020) / 10. Popcorn (1991) / 11. Matango (1963) / 12. Raw (2016) / 13. Men Behind The Sun (1988) / 14. Freaks (1932) / 15. Island of Lost Souls (1932) / 16. Hagazussa (2017) / 17. Guinea Pig 4: Mermaid in a Manhole (1988) / 18. The Mummy (1932) / 19. The Old Dark House (1932) / 20. The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971) / 21. American Mary (2012) / 22. The Invisible Man (1933) / 23. The New York Ripper (1982) / 24. The Head Hunter (2018) / 25. Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989) / 26. The Wailing (2016) / 27. Dude Bro Party Massacre III (2015) / 28. The Hunt (2020) / 29. Tetsuo II: Body Hammer (1992) / 30. Friday the 13th (2009) / 31. Amer (2009) / 32. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988) / 33. A Bucket of Blood (1959) / 34. Demons (1985) / 35. Creepshow 2 (1987) / 36. All the Colors of Giallo (2019) / 37. Human Lanterns (1982) / 38. Bay of Blood (1971) / 39. Tenebre (1982) / 40. Don't Torture a Duckling (1972) / 41. Opera (1987) / 42. Brain Damage (1988) / 43. Deathgasm (2015) / 44. The Lighthouse (2019)
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Apr 26, 2020 04:30
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94. M.O.M. Mothers of Monsters (2020, Prime) - Found footage film of a mother who's concerned that her son is a psychopath, and she goes increasingly overboard in monitoring his behavior. It works well with two antagonists constantly escalating the situation. Other characters tend to detract from the thrust of the film, but it's largely a two-person show. 4/5 95. Flora (2018, Prime) - A bunch of teenagers go into the woods and get killed by... pollen. Which works surprisingly well, since it's inescapable, and they're basically reliant on the lifespans of their gas masks (which they brought on a botanical expedition for some reason) to stay alive. The biggest flaw here is that this is supposed to be set in 1929, and it doesn't feel that way at all. 3/5 96. How to Save Us (2015, Prime) - A man goes looking for his brother in Tasmania, which has been quarantined due to ghosts.Given that Tasmania is rather large, this basically equates to a lot of shots of one or the other walking. 1/5 97. Raccoon Valley (2018, Prime) - Seeing "(This is a slow-paced independent film)" in the description was a bit disconcerting, as if they're trying to get in front of criticism. On the positive side, it's wonderfully shot, the sound design is great, and the lead (who's alone for 95% of the film) is great at emoting. On the negative side, nothing really happens, and having the main character be deaf seems like a cheap excuse for her not to hear the evacuation alarms at the start of it and causes issues later (watching TV without subtitles). 3/5 98. Dark Light (2019, Netflix) - Pedestrian monster flick. Some decent scares, but the plot of this thing is borderline incomprehensible. Especially the sneaky, stealthy monster that has a giant floodlight for a face. 2/5 99. The Vatican Tapes (2015, Netflix) - And a paint-by-numbers exorcism film. There's the seed of a unique idea here - the Church is concerned with getting rid of the anti-Christ, not saving the girl - but it doesn't really affect how things play out. 3/5 100. Apollo 18 (2011, Netflix) - As a movie set on the moon in 1973, it's really well done. But as a horror movie, it's just dull. 1/5
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Apr 26, 2020 04:31
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#33 Tales That Witness Madness It's an anthology. The linking segment is a psychologist showing his colleague around a mental asylum, highlighting specific cases. Pretty basic, but when Halloween came out five years later, the linking segment retroactively became a little treat for horror fans as the psychologist is played by Donald Pleasance. The first segment is a little kid hates his parents and has an imaginary tiger friend. Guess what happens. Second segment is about a guy being forced by a haunted painting to ride a magical penny farthing which sends him psychically into the past. Nothing you haven't seen before, but not bad. Now the third segment is where it gets good. A guy finds an erotic log on the woods and drags it into the living room, where his wife instantly identifies the fuckable log as a sexual rival for her husband's affections. Thus starting a psycho sexual power play between the man, his wife, and the log. Eventually the wife is nudely whipped to death in the tits by the sexy log and the guy strips the bark off, exposing the logs own wooden tits, and he is finally able to gently caress it. The last story is about a Hawaiian dude who does a human sacrifice to appease his god. It's weird, because it definitely wanted to be racist but they weren't going to hire any actors of color so the Hawaiian guy is just a standard British guy with a posh accent who is very slightly tanner than the other British guys while still being quite pale, and they weren't going to film anywhere other than a English countryside home. So it almost fails at being racist. You got this British dude who wants to eat a lady just so he can have a luau and brag about being one sixteenth Hawaiian. I dunno I gotta be honest I wasn't really paying attention at this point. I was still thinking about that log. For last years October challenge I watched The House That Dripped Blood, and that had the story about the wax sculpture so erotic all British men who see it want to gently caress it. And now we've got this sexy log story. Is this just a standard story structure in British horror anthologies? Do they all have a story about a man driven to madness and murder by his desire to gently caress an inanimate object? Could you cut together a whole anthology movie just out of segments based on that theme? If so, why hasn't it been yet? Check out Tales That Witness Madness, you gotta see this log.
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Apr 26, 2020 16:26
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Posh British schools have a hard on for Greek mythology, so you're going to get random Pygmalion knock offs because it makes bougie people feel smart.
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Apr 26, 2020 17:22
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M_Sinistrari posted:
Were you looking for I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle, by any chance?
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Apr 26, 2020 17:53
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Despite hitting the century mark I’m slowing done a bit. Some of that is burn out. Some is that I got distracted rewatching the awesome Ash vs The Evil Dead. Part is me working outside on my garden. But today is cold and wet so I’m not doing that so I’m gonna try and get in 4-6 movies. Otherwise I’m gonna have to start making some tough cuts to my schedule/list for these last few days. 82 (101). The Curse of La Llorona (2019) Directed by Michael Chaves, Written by Mikki Daughtry and Tobias Iaconis. Watched on HBO, also available on DirectTV. The latest installment of the Conjuring-verse (and the most loosely connected) is about a widowed mother who must protect her children from La Llorona (“The Weeping Woman”) a cursed spirit of a mother who drowned her children who takes others. Ok, I know what you’re saying. This should have been a cut. But Its been on my list all along as part of my franchises thing and I don’t want to start my day with something big. This felt like the right kind of palette cleanser after The Lighthouse that I could watch and discard without much thought. And sure enough that’s what I got. I don’t mind the Conjuring-verse but I don’t love it either. The first film was very good in large part because of a strong family at the emotional center of it the same way Poltergeist or other similar haunting stories work. The second film was less good in large part because it shifted that focus away from the innocents and to the Warrens as the true heroes and victims and blah blah. And besides the sketchiness of the real Warrens its just a far less compelling story to have like a superhero monster hunter like that. The Nun was alright but totally disposable and I’d say the same about this. Which is a better film, I don’t know. My instinct is to say this one is better buoyed by a solid performance by Linda Cardellini at the emotional family core. The Nun lacked that and again went to the superhero hunters. On the other hand the Nun had some pretty effective jump scares and effects and this one just didn’t work for me. Like the ghost looked fine and all but not once did I react to the jumps, the scares, or what have you. And I’m not an anti jump scares person. Like I said, I thought they worked in the Nun and I’m fine with the Conjuring-verse or Wan in general. But there is actually some art to making them work and they just didn’t work here at all. I suppose that falls on Chaves making his feature directorial debut. He just didn’t seem to have that skill… small skill it might be… to make those effective jump scares work. Ultimately its a perfectly fine haunting movie but its completely generic, which I guess is basically the hallmark of the Conjuring-verse. I don’t mind that, myself, as a generic story told well is still entertaining to me. I don’t need everything to reinvent the wheel or be different. But if there’s nothing to stand out from other films of the type then what can you say about it to recommend it? And there’s nothing special, different, or especially well done here. And the one thing you do expect from Conjuring-verse films in the jump scares don’t deliver. So I would not recommend this even if I didn’t hate it or anything. Lets keep the train moving with another one I have low expectations for but feel a silly obligation to watch for the sake of being complete. And I don’t even need to change streaming services.  83 (102). The Predator (2018) Written and directed by Shane Black, co-written by Fred Dekker. Watched on HBO, also available on DirectTV and Cinemax. A predator crashes on earth and is found by a US sniper who then steals his gear and sends it to his autistic kid who draws the attention of the predators who want their poo poo back and the shady military organization who wants it too so Father Of The Year has to protect his kid with the help of a team of mentally unwell soldiers and Olivia Munn because he’s simultaneously the worst father of all time and the coolest dad ever. This is a stupid movie. Like top to bottom, this movie is stupid. Its got a really stupid silly cast of B actors I actually really like but who are such a weird rear end mix. Like I get what they were going for. Its a deviation from the team of elite military played for a laugh. Its just weird. So much of it is weird and played for a dumb laugh. I can’t say I hated it. Its a big dumb Shane Black action movie. Its definitely not in any way shape or form horror but its 100+ movies in and part of a franchise deemed “horror” so who the hell’s counting? But its like just a dumb as poo poo action movie with every dumb as poo poo action movie cliche packed in. With a remarkably blatant disregard for human life, but its IS an dumb as poo poo action flick in the Predator franchise in a horror marathon. Honestly, I was just to numb to everything to care that like a kid blows away a dude and no one blinks and everyone dies crazy bloody and cruel. Its actually kind of shocking how callously lives are thrown away. But like… I just can’t care. I’m not even gonna touch the autism thing. I have no idea where those landmines are, it was just such a dumb movie I never took poo poo too seriously. But I can’t blame someone for being bothered by what struck me as a super backwards bit of science fiction applied to real world stuff. It probably helps that like I feel no reverence to the Predator franchise so like I don’t care that the sequels are dumb as poo poo. I just watched Predator like a week ago so its just another dumb franchise I binged this month and it sure as gently caress ain’t anywhere near the worst. But its real dumb. And bizarrely callous with death in a way that seemed notable even for the context. And hey, its Alien Day so I guess it bears mentioning that apparently there was scenes that included Ripley and Newt in this thing that got cut? What the gently caress? I guess The Predator Killer? And apparently there was like a whole other climax to this film that they reshot because people who screened it hated it? Do I have to buy the Blue Ray to see the deleted scenes and poo poo? I’m weirdly curious, especially with that Alien poo poo. I’ll have to remember that when I do my Alien binge next month. That was very dumb.
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Apr 26, 2020 17:55
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Catching up on writeups from movies I watched two days ago: 7. Alien A perfect movie from top to bottom. I will say that I don't really think Jerry Goldsmith's score is as iconic as people say, but it does match the dread that pervades the entire film. But probably my favorite aspect is the production design. Ridley Scott got his start in art and production design (as I recall, he was involved in the creation of the Daleks in Doctor Who), and his perfectionist instincts have never been more on-point than with Alien. Every surface, every control, every button on the Nostromo is clearly designed with love and with the intent of being plausibly useful. I adore that kind of attention. 8. Aliens I caught some poo poo in the Discord last night for this, but I like this movie less and less as time goes by. It's not the '80s fashions or the cinematography that I dislike (although it is bland as hell, photography-wise, for much of its run), but I just don't really care for it much. It's terribly overlong, even with the theatrical cut, and the pacing is just very ... strange. For a horror movie masquerading as an action movie, it takes forever and a day to get going. Horner's score will also never not irritate me, because he flat-out lifted pieces straight from his work on Star Trek III. (But Horner was a notorious self-plagiarizer, so that's no surprise.)
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Apr 26, 2020 19:54
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Timby posted:Catching up on writeups from movies I watched two days ago: I watched these before the challenge so I didn’t review them but I agree 100% with everything you said. You reviewed them for me, thank you.
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Apr 26, 2020 20:01
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Jedit posted:Were you looking for I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle, by any chance? I don't know, but at least now I have a title to work from. Thanks!  126) The Curse of the Living Corpse - 1964 - TubiTV This was a pretty okay 'Buried Alive' film for its era. Essentially a millionaire who's afraid of getting buried alive puts in writing that certain things have to get done by his family for his burial or face death according to their fears. Of course they're all greedy and skip things. As I watched this, I found myself thinking about one of my grand-aunts who was buried alive. That branch of the family lived way out in the boonies then and embalming was still optional rather than the usual. Her sister wasn't coping well at all over this and when my grand-aunt was buried, her sister had a bad gut feeling and nagged for an exhumation to be done. Everyone was writing her off as griefstricken until they had it done to settle her down. I was never told the full details other than it was obvious she wasn't dead when buried. It made my family very paranoid about it happening again even though it doesn't happen anymore. First thing any of us say when we hear someone's passed is 'Are they sure?'. I kinda wonder what happened next with the surviving characters in a buried alive film, if they ended up as paranoid as my family still is generations later. This was an okay watch.  127) Satanic - 2016 - TubiTV I guess I shouldn't be surprised on this one, I've been due for a 'wasted potential' film since it's been a while. In this one a group heading for Coachella decide to take a detour sightseeing occult hotspots in L.A. and of course this doesn't bode well for them. The first half hour of this is a mess. I liked the tie in to LaVey's old crowd, but the rest was just lackluster characterizations and cliches. After that half hour, everything changes so much that I wouldn't be surprised if they changed scriptwriters. After that half hour, the film's pretty decent, but that half hour's so awful it tarnishes the rest. If you think you can make it through that first thirty minutes to get to the better stuff, then give this a try.  128) Dead of Night - 1977 - TubiTV I think I spent equal to this one's runtime trying to figure out if I'd seen it before. Dan Curtis project, TV movie of the week, Richard Matheson writing, casting from the usual pool of actors for this sort of thing, it's easy to get a little fuzzy remembering. This one's an anthology like Trilogy of Terror, a here's three stories and boom. It's not as good as Curtis' other works like Kolchak, Norliss Tapes, Trilogy of Terror. But it's still better than a lot out there. I enjoyed this one, it's worth a watch.
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Apr 26, 2020 20:18
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M_Sinistrari posted:I don't know, but at least now I have a title to work from. Thanks! You should 100% watch I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle, it rules.  edit: Oh yeah updates. 9. 36-15 Code Pere Noel AKA Dial Code Santa Claus AKA Deadly Games AKA Game Over (1989)  I missed the thread gestalt on this one when everyone watched it last Christmas, but it's so good I'll happily take it late and out of season. Absolutely criminal that I had to grow up with Home Alone instead. I don't particularly like kids or dogs or the existence of the insanely wealthy, but I was 100% rooting for this kid and his dog and his ludicrously rich family from the start. Watch this. 10. Voice from the Stone (2017) - Do not watch this. I gave it a shot despite my general distaste for ghost stories just because I instantly associated it with The Stone Tape, which is fantastic. That was a terrible mistake. This is a Lifetime Original with a ghost stapled on, and it tells you exactly what's going on and how things are going to play out in the opening scene. Then you get an hour and a half of basically nothing - if there were any mystery at all about what's going on you could charitably call it a slow burn or something, and maybe if there were mystery and it had a stronger point of view character you'd get some sort of dread out of the setup, but all those things are missing because, again, the movie tells you what's going on and how it's going to end at the outset. I have no idea why they decided to do that. The dad gives a good performance, at least, so I was a little tiny bit pleased with the happy ending, but mostly I was bored and annoyed that it wasted so much of my time getting there without ever even pretending to swerve. Irony.or.Death fucked around with this message at 22:35 on Apr 26, 2020 |
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Apr 26, 2020 22:16
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45. Maniac (1980) It's strange, I watched this AFTER seeing the Elijah Wood remake, and I think that does a disservice to the original. In comparison, the original is amateurish, and dated, and disjointed. I think if the remake didn't exist (which is nearly perfect in my eyes), this would be a 5 star film, but as it stands it just doesn't hold up. Now, don't get me wrong, for 1980, I'd say this is an incredible slasher that's WAY ahead of its time. It has the straight-faced seriousness of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, with the psychological introspection of, I dunno, Silence of the Lambs, but many years earlier. It's still an incredible film. Joe Spinelli and Elijah Wood gave such different performances, and I think they both did incredible things, but in the end I think that Elijah Wood's performance will stick with me longer. The first person POV does _wonders_ for that movie. All in all, this is a great film that was somewhat dulled by its superior remake. Watched so far: 1. Zombie (1979) / 2. Frankenstein (1931) / 3. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) / 4. Basket Case (1982) / 5. Carrie (1976) / 6. Audition (1999) / 7. Creepshow (1982) / 8. Cannibal Holocaust (1980) / 9. Daniel Isn't Real (2020) / 10. Popcorn (1991) / 11. Matango (1963) / 12. Raw (2016) / 13. Men Behind The Sun (1988) / 14. Freaks (1932) / 15. Island of Lost Souls (1932) / 16. Hagazussa (2017) / 17. Guinea Pig 4: Mermaid in a Manhole (1988) / 18. The Mummy (1932) / 19. The Old Dark House (1932) / 20. The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971) / 21. American Mary (2012) / 22. The Invisible Man (1933) / 23. The New York Ripper (1982) / 24. The Head Hunter (2018) / 25. Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989) / 26. The Wailing (2016) / 27. Dude Bro Party Massacre III (2015) / 28. The Hunt (2020) / 29. Tetsuo II: Body Hammer (1992) / 30. Friday the 13th (2009) / 31. Amer (2009) / 32. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988) / 33. A Bucket of Blood (1959) / 34. Demons (1985) / 35. Creepshow 2 (1987) / 36. All the Colors of Giallo (2019) / 37. Human Lanterns (1982) / 38. Bay of Blood (1971) / 39. Tenebre (1982) / 40. Don't Torture a Duckling (1972) / 41. Opera (1987) / 42. Brain Damage (1988) / 43. Deathgasm (2015) / 44. The Lighthouse (2019) / 45. Maniac (1980)
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Apr 27, 2020 00:15
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Manichithrathazhu (1993) Ah my favorite genre, the Malaysian comedy-ghost story-melodrama-psychological thriller-musical! After moving into an old haunted house, a rationalist man finds that his wife may be possessed by a vengeful spirit and brings in his hypnotherapist cousin from America to see if he can restore her sanity. A great deal of this movie is actually a very broad comedy, with both the superstitious locals and the domineering above-it-all city folk getting into wacky scrapes and misunderstandings. The character of the psychiatrist in particular seems to be a quack straight out of a sitcom. But it's also juggling a lot of tones, from some Evil Dead pov chases to a surprisingly lush musical finale. Unfortunately, like many Indian/Malaysian/Tamil movies, it's got a runtime approaching three hours and for all the stuff packed in, the middle hour in particular feels very, very s t r e t c h e d. Still, it was neat to see the Bollywood approach to something as tried and true as a ghost story and that ending really does get buckwild. 3/5  11/13 watched Countries "visited": China, Australia, Italy, Japan, Spain, Brazil, Mexico, Germany, Canada, Britain, Malaysia
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Apr 27, 2020 00:35
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46. 3615 code Père Noël (1989) This movie has been on my list for a couple years now as a "to be watched at Christmas" film. I never seem to get around to watching horror movies around Christmas (since I'm still reeling from the October marathon), so I figured I'd give this a spin now. It's a lot of fun! I mean, I feel like I should give a content warning: a dog dies pretty early on in a graphic way that I'm 99.9999% sure is fake. But I didn't like that. Other than that one scene though, it's a very fun film. I can absolutely see why the director lashed out at the makers of Home Alone, because this is a very very similar movie. However, this is much darker. The kid, Thomas, puts on a surprisingly good and nuanced performance, and the Santa Claus character is weird and menacing and deranged. The pacing is a bit slow for the first third or so of the movie, but it ramps up pretty quickly after that, and a lot of setup in the first act pays off. A good little forgotten gem that's worth a watch if you get the opportunity, but not a "must see" to seek out. Watched so far: 1. Zombie (1979) / 2. Frankenstein (1931) / 3. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) / 4. Basket Case (1982) / 5. Carrie (1976) / 6. Audition (1999) / 7. Creepshow (1982) / 8. Cannibal Holocaust (1980) / 9. Daniel Isn't Real (2020) / 10. Popcorn (1991) / 11. Matango (1963) / 12. Raw (2016) / 13. Men Behind The Sun (1988) / 14. Freaks (1932) / 15. Island of Lost Souls (1932) / 16. Hagazussa (2017) / 17. Guinea Pig 4: Mermaid in a Manhole (1988) / 18. The Mummy (1932) / 19. The Old Dark House (1932) / 20. The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971) / 21. American Mary (2012) / 22. The Invisible Man (1933) / 23. The New York Ripper (1982) / 24. The Head Hunter (2018) / 25. Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989) / 26. The Wailing (2016) / 27. Dude Bro Party Massacre III (2015) / 28. The Hunt (2020) / 29. Tetsuo II: Body Hammer (1992) / 30. Friday the 13th (2009) / 31. Amer (2009) / 32. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988) / 33. A Bucket of Blood (1959) / 34. Demons (1985) / 35. Creepshow 2 (1987) / 36. All the Colors of Giallo (2019) / 37. Human Lanterns (1982) / 38. Bay of Blood (1971) / 39. Tenebre (1982) / 40. Don't Torture a Duckling (1972) / 41. Opera (1987) / 42. Brain Damage (1988) / 43. Deathgasm (2015) / 44. The Lighthouse (2019) / 45. Maniac (1980) / 46. 3615 code Père Noël (1989)
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Apr 27, 2020 04:44
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Today I decided to punish my eyeballs for their imagined sins, and delve into some franchise sequels for Bracketology. Jesus Wept. 73. Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (Netflix UK) This is a rewatch from many years ago. I remembered this film as a moody, atmospheric, peering look into the New Orleans underbelly. What I got instead was a wet, dull, pearl clutching look at one white woman failing to address her privilege as an inheritor of the ill-gotten gains of chattel slavery. The way I remembered this film was I think very much inspired by the first and last twenty minutes, where we actually do get some atmosphere. The centre though is just a dull, white, uninspired morass. I'm very much looking forward to Jordan Peele doing something interesting with this franchise, because there is nothing of interest here. 2/5  74. Hellraiser: Bloodline (Youtube) It's Hellraiser in SPAAAAAAAAAACE! The film opens with a man in a space station who is being arrested by the space police, for space crimes. Then we have a flashback. Hellraiser in THE PAAAAAAAAAST? We join the original designer of the lament configuration who, once he discovers the sinister use of his puzzle box, plans to make an ultimate weapon to finally destroy the cenobites. Those designs are not fully realised until the space descendent springs into existence, but before that we for some reason flashback/forward to the '90s. There a descendent of the puzzle maker has made a Lament Configuration skyscraper, as featured in a previous film the name of which I'm blanking on. There's some mild child threat, but honestly nothing worth commenting on. I kind of wish the film was entirely based in the decadent baroque setting, because demonic themes and excesses of the flesh actually make a lot of sense in that period. As such all of the best scenes are during the period. Once the film moves beyond that it begins to feel very generic and uninspired. Hellraiser is so much cooler when it's about Byronic pleasure seekers who want to push their boundaries to the very limits, and not just random slasher deaths. This will be a theme going forward, but I really wish the sequels would come to some sort of agreement regarding who the cenobites are, and what their motivations entail. Each film seems to disagree with and contradict the others, and very few of the actually hark back to the original themes and premise. This film for example has them as just eternal beings of pure evil, set on conquering Earth, which is really quite a dull premise. There's an odd scene of two security guards, apropo of nothing, debating whether or not they'd have sex with a theoretical trans woman. I honestly didn't know whether to be insulted, or to count it as what passes for positive representation in '96. The film comes down on the side of the transmedicalist, in case you were wondering. Barf. The film overall is kind of uninspired, it's not really impressive or offensive, it just exists in a doldrum of its own ineptitude. Not even the final conflict is very engaging. Very skippable. 2/5  75. Hellraiser: Inferno (Youtube) The film stars the discount version of David Boreanaz as an unlikable detective. He plays chess, so you know he's a genius. What genius things does he do in this movie? Very basic police work, occasionally roughs up his snitch, and plants evidence at crime scenes. Genius. Couldn't they have stolen a few ideas from CSI and make the guy look at least half competent? The whole film is kind of a mess, so I wont go into the plot. Basically you have your Jacob's Ladder dreamscape for most of the film, but done poorly. Which is a shame because the filmmakers we're clearly trying to do something interesting, they just didn't have the talent or basic human empathy to pull it off. I quite liked the more explicit Cenobite sequences, but there's no depth to them, they're just things that happen and then the film moves on. The dialogue in the film is like if you just constantly hit the rear end in a top hat option in Mass Effect. The performances and cinematography are both extremely televisual, and for most of the film I really wasn't very engaged. I felt completely uninterested in why things were happening, or who was behind it. I felt like a dispassionate observer, just desperately wanted the film to end. Perhaps the film itself is a cenobite sent to cause suffering? 1.5/5  76. Hellraiser: Revelations (Youtube) I skipped the Rick Bota films because I couldn't find any free streams  so we're going straight from 5 to 9.The plot follows two unlikable teens as they trek down to Tijuana to enjoy a vacation filled with the excesses of the flesh. The narrative then becomes split between their found footage, and a later gathering of their mourning family. Between which we're enlightened as to the pairs descent into the world of the cenobites, in what is actually the most true sequel to the original two films so far. The cenobites here act like cenobites. They're interesting in both the pleasures and suffering of flesh, and matters of morality really aren't of any interest to them. We also have callbacks to the homeless/skeleton dragon guy from the first film, and the idea of returning from hell as a being that must steal flesh and blood from the living to survive. I'm actually quite impressed that a Hellraiser sequel is taking advantage of the rich lore and setting already laid down. Around the midway point the film pivots into being a home invasion film, which seems like the perfect genre for the franchise honestly. In fact I might go so far as to say that this film is actually kind of good? It's extremely rough around the edges, and doesn't have much of an artistic vision. It's very workmanlike, and the performances hover between mediocre and goodish. That aside though, it actually tries to do something both interesting and faithful to the source material. I mean this isn't a Good Film, but it's certainly a fine one, and one worth watching at least once. 3/5  77. Hellraiser: Judgment (Tubi) This film is really the definition of one step forward, two steps back. There's about 30 minutes of footage here that is trying to say something, and is competently shot and visually interesting. It's all shot with a piss filter, but I'll take what I can get at this point. Then the rest of the film is an absolute mess of a garbage procedural, with characters who I couldn't care less about, and a plot that not even the film cares about. The plot is such a confusing mess there's not a lot of point in focusing on it. There's a hint at the beginning that the cenobites are embracing digital technology in order to source new flesh. Then we're presented with a beaurocrat cenobite with a typewriter, and a vomit based adjudication system. This is the highlight of the film by the way. Then we move into the real world, and the film is clearly desperate to ape Se7en in terms of style and plot, but really does nothing to engage the audience, or live up to either source material. I could talk about how misogynistic the film is, and how it literally uses women as props. I could talk about how they inserted drab christianity into the Cenobites, when one of the coolest things about Pinhead was his scoffing at Jesus. Really though, why go to the effort? The film is just a boring mess, and after a day of watching this awful franchise my brain is mush. 1.5/5
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Apr 27, 2020 07:27
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Debbie Does Dagon posted:I could talk about how they inserted drab christianity into the Cenobites, when one of the coolest things about Pinhead was his scoffing at Jesus. I like to think that in his spare time Pinhead has a gig as a stand-up comedian where he does nothing but rag on Jesus. "Three nails? loving amateur."
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Apr 27, 2020 12:19
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12. House of 1000 Corpses (2003) 2020/04/24  After a couple of not-very-scary movies, and one that was a creative interpretation of "horror", I decided to get back to something clearly, obviously in the genre. Honestly, I didn't think much of it. This movie follows four young people as they drive through some nameless southern town, get taken in by a family of evil rednecks, and get horrifically murdered. It's nasty and cruel. Not exactly scary, but deeply unpleasant to think about too much. No moral, no lesson, no justice or vindication. There's something in here that's hard to define. The movie is filled with these short clips of ancient horror movies (I think real ones, though they could be skits just for this movie). Many of the characters have this familiarity with these movies, and classic Hollywood in general. The movie's total avoidance of any moral is clearly calculated; the Fireflies are unbelievably evil, and everyone else is too stupid to stop them. They're also the most interesting part of the movie, awful as they are; I felt kind of let down when they were just not in the movie for the whole climax. I probably would have disliked it more if I hadn't watched Terrifier last year. Now THAT was a piece of poo poo. Similar tone to this movie but without any art and barely any sense of humour. 13. The Devil's Rejects (2005) 2020/04/26  I guess the director also though the family was the most interesting part of the first movie. Anyway, this time around the Fireflies (and local weirdo Captain Spaulding, who it turns out is one of them) go on the run from the law, personified by Sheriff Wydell. I spent the first half of the movie wondering why I was watching it. The escaped Fireflies, Baby and Otis, flee from their home and take shelter in a motel, where they rape, torture, and murder all the inhabitants, laughing at their inability to protect themselves. From hearing people talk about it I'd gotten the vibe that they were the protagonists, and I couldn't possibly see how the movie could pull this off.  Somehow, it did. Sheriff Wydell is a jackass in a really interesting way. The main distinction between him and the Fireflies is how self-serious he is. There's this great scene midway through where he's privately rehearsing the prayer he'll speak when he finally kills them, trying out different inflections for when he explains the Thin Blue Line to God. He's been waiting his whole life for an occasion to kill a bunch of people in a righteous and justified way, and it would be easy to write him off, if not for the fact that it honestly is justified. The movie ends with him chasing Baby with an axe through the woods at night; somehow, she's become the Final Girl. All hope seems lost until that weirdo our heroes wrote off earlier in the movie shows up to kill the baddie. It's just an illusion, of course; the murderous sheriff hasn't actually killed the others yet, and the friendly weirdo isn't even a stranger-- but the whole scene plays like a conventional slasher, with the roles reversed. Honestly, the whole thing won me over by the end, and I particularly loved the last scene. I don't think I'll watch 3 From Hell, though. I'm happy with the ending I got.
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Apr 27, 2020 13:08
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22. Blade 1998 | Stephen Norrington  Apparently a bigger blindspot on my watch list than I knew! Blade's good! Basically an Arnold Schwarzenegger film written for Snipes, dressed up in leather and given a nu metal attitude. There's a lot to engage with. Vampires have an Illuminati lead by pure-bred leaders, there are internal race struggles with vampires who aren't "pure blooded", emphasized with two sides of the same coin: Blade, who's humanity is barely stronger than his vampirism who wants to destroy all vampires, and his foil Frost, a pale-white vampire human hybrid who wants to bring about a new evolution of hybrid vampires, and an apocalypse that gives him god-like powers. There's also a side plot about a hematologist who has been infected with vampirism, and is developing a cure for vampirism, and possibly a cure for Blade. While there are quite a few plots, they all layer together very well. At first I rolled my eyes at Blade's 2 hour run-time, but it's pacing and balancing of plot, and also constant creativity and surprises makes it go by quickly. It's fun seeing old Marvel movies vs the Avengers era of Marvel, which is now stuck trying to figure out what to do with itself. It's amazing that Blade isn't discussed even more. It doesn't have to waste it's run-time with showing Blade in context with the rest of Marvel. Blade, even in his original run-time, tends to work alone, even with a team. Like Raimi's Spider-man, there are hints at a greater depth and future events, but for now they're Easter eggs. Blade's fight choreography, it's action editing, and it's stunts and set pieces are all creative and rule. They feel more in place with John Wick than Captain America. This is especially helped with the R-rated violence. It'd be silly for a vampire movie to be bloodless, for sure (and I know Marvel's going to try one of these days), but the violence gives everything weight, compared to the Avenger bounce houses. There are two scenes in Blade with dislocated shoulders being popped back into place. There's a running joke with a character that keeps getting his hands cut off and having to grow them back, and he gets angrier each time. (Played wonderfully by Donal Logue, who I just love to watch.) When sunlight burns a character to death, they suffer. This is why Blade is still discussed with so much love. It's an actual action movie. I was impressed with how creative this film is. There are so many ideas and physical effects that pop up only once or twice, action and otherwise. Blade goes into a club full of Asian businessmen, and there is a background performance of a song called "Chin Chin" by a Japanese school girl pop duo that go by Bong Wa Cherry. Why? Because it's cool. Frost's crew likes to ride around in the daytime with motorcycles, and their helmets have UV protector lenses so they can exist in the daytime. Blade has garlic mace. The entire third act decides it wants to be sexually charged. Blade gets an Oedipal complex with his mother; he drains the blood from Karen by dry humping her. There are so many one-off moments that totally add up to a weird, fun whole. A special kudos to the sound design in this film. Everything--everything--makes noise. Blood squishes and drips, leather squeaks, swords swoosh, boots clack, punches land, sunglasses make plasticy sounds, rubber ducks quack... Some of them are incredibly funny. The other thing I wish Marvel would remember. Blade is regularly really funny, and it's all from character moments, not quips. If you have an interesting character in bizarre situations, humor can be very natural. Wish someone would tell that to the Russo bros. 23. Scream 1996 | Wes Craven | rewatch  Dear Scream, I'm sorry I've been unnecessarily hard on you for the past few years. I've grown a lot as a horror fan. I've experienced more to cinema beyond America's slasher; it's Italian sibling, giallo; the rise and fall of the zombie genre; the growing love for John Carpenter; the return of Stephen King adaptations (some good, some not good); a continuation of meta-horror; a new appreciation of 1970's horror...The list really just keeps growing every October. And halfway to October, usually May but I guess we're doing April now. And really I still watch a horror movie a weeks, sometimes more... There are two parts to growing up. One of them is casting away your idols, which I have done to you. The world is a different place than your innocent 1996, where teens could have conversations about their relationships and only use the MPAA rating system as the analogy. And it's kind of a confused one, because Sydney tells Billy she'll give him a PG-13 one, and flashes him her tits. Which, for us, the audience, only seeing Sydney's back, that is a PG-13 movie, but for Billy, he's seeing an R rated thing. And you are R-rated, Scream. It's a strange gag, Scream....Your director has died, Scream, and with him, we have politely forgotten a few of his more mediocre movies in exchange for re-evaluating your sibling, The People Under The Stairs. And Elm Street. We still love Elm Street. But the Audience has grown more cynical, more ironic. Rick and Morty is more meta than you in 20 minutes. Cabin In The Woods beat the horse into the ground. Tucker & Dale turned your slap-stick elements into the text. You inspired a pretty good, albeit problematic and dated, parody film. It didn't age well, and we got two pretty good comedy sequels as well, but then there was a cavalcade of other "_____ Movie" parodies, and god, those got dire. The list of films you supposedly inspired is long and exhausting. And you know what? Sometimes I just want a good horror movie, Scream. Without the magic tricks. The second part of growing up is reflecting on the steps it took to become who you are, and the friends you made along the way. Remember how me and my cousin watched you and your sequels one summer? That was seventeen years ago. We don't even talk anymore. But you were there. In fact, you were there for many sleepovers, and then hang-outs, and then dates and hook-ups. And I guess I had just seen you too many times. You were too familiar. It happens. When I heard that many people in my current friend group had never seen you, I knew we would be reunited, at least once more, for old time sakes, with the help of new eyes. And you delivered, Scream. You get it. Somehow you are two hours long and feel like a tight 90 minute thrill. You understand that mystery and intrigue--a whodunit at your core, fueled by an excellent cast--is a power that slashers have forgotten. You understand that while people enjoy a variety of killing, not everyone loves the gore, and instead develop creative ways for people to die based on their attempts to survive and not just what weapon the killer conveniently has pulled from their hammerspace. You understand how we root for the people who beat the poo poo out of your killer with refrigerator doors, flipping him in the air like gymnasts, and punch his face. You somehow manage to go 45 minutes without a kill happening without losing any fear or mystery. And you know what? Your meta humor actually gets pretty funny sometimes. Jamie Kennedy watching Halloween saying "Turn around Jamie" while the killer is behind him? That's good stuff. That one still lands. I wrote you this letter, Scream, because I'm sorry I was dismissive of your staying power. You are, indeed, a horror classic. You did, for better or worse, kill the classic slasher, and we are only now learning how to bring it back in new and interesting ways. And even though you give too much credit to Prom Night, many of your other one-off references made me nod like Robert Redford in that Jeremiah Johnson gif. I'm happy to have seen you again with fresh eyes, and to reaffirm that you are, in fact, one of the most iconic films of the 90's for a reason. With Love, -Fran PS - I almost went this whole letter without mentioning how cold Rose McGowan must have been throughout the production. 24. Phenomena 1985 | Dario Argento| Shudder, Kanopy  This movie is two hours long, and needs to be 90 minutes. An Argento horror fantasy, a "kids version" of Susperia, should be a knock-out, but it feels bloated and slow, and it collapses under the weight of it's pacing. There are some fun ideas here: great shots, gross gore and nightmare imagery, a good performance from a young Jennifer Connelly and a still vivacious Donald Pleasance, a chimpanzee assistant, the fantasy element of a girl who talks to bugs, more murderous women and goblin children. Shame that the 2nd act is needlessly an hour long. Took me two attempts to watch it, even. I like it, but I don't feel like I've been missing out. Planet of the Vampires | The Brain That Wouldn't Die | Popcorn | Plan 9 From Outer Space | Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers | Rockula | Ringu | Four Flies on Grey Velvet | Seconds | Theater of Blood | Frailty | Daughters of Darkness | Scream, Queen! My Nightmare on Elm Street | Train To Busan | Who Can Kill a Child? | Long Weekend | Raw Meat | Sleepaway Camp | Re-animator | Re-animator Resurrectus | The Hunger | Blade | Scream | Phenomena Total: 24
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Apr 27, 2020 13:53
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Krazyface posted:I don't think I'll watch 3 From Hell, though. I'm happy with the ending I got. 3 From Hell is actually really good, and justifies itself pretty well. Continues the themes of The Devil's Rejects, including how the Fireflies just somehow keep perpetuating mayhem, but manages to feel more fun and slightly less brutal than The Devil's Rejects. In a year of good horror, 3FH was a stand-out in 2019.
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Apr 27, 2020 13:59
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Bonus Round! 14. The McPherson Tape UFO found footage movie. I think it's one of the first of it's kind, so some of the tropes are cliche now, but it was other wise alright. 3/5 15. Pale Blood A vampire is hunting a killer that's trying to be a vampire. This is an oddity as it portrayed vampires as something other than a monster, before the Vampire mania of the 90's. Without the "baggage" of the vampire boom that would happen a few years later, some of this movie just feels quaint. In the end, I wouldn't exactly call it a horror movie, because the only real horror element was the main character was a vampire. It does make me wonder what the common perception of vampires was in the 80's. 3/5 16. Mom and Dad Something causes parents to kill their children. It was alright. 3.5/5 17. Trauma The first disc in Vinegar Syndrome's Forgotten Gialli Volume 1. A writer hides out in a hotel where the other guests show up, then get murdered by a black gloved killer with a straight razor. Not a lot really going on with the central mystery, but it was enjoyable enough. 3/5 1. Society 2. Pet Semetery 3. Pooka Lives! 4. The last Broadcast 5. Parasite 6. The Stuff 7. VFW 8. A Nightmare on Elm Street (remake) 9. Train to Busan 10. The Bye Bye Man 11. Deadcon 12a. Leviathan 12b. Deep Star Six 13. All the Boys Love Mandy Lane 14. The McPherson Tape 15. Pale Blood 16. Mom and Dad 17. Trauma
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Apr 27, 2020 14:10
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 23. Blood Diner (1987) Blu-ray I'm a little torn on this one. On one hand, it's goofy as hell and there are some really fun (and gross) special effects. It's basically a trashy '80s update of Herschell Gordon Lewis' Blood Feast, with the gore turned up to 11 and a shitload more sex and nudity. It feels a lot like a Troma movie actually, for better or worse. On the other hand, it's really uncomfortably misogynistic, even compared to similar films from the era. Maybe in 1987 the idea of some guys gleefully shooting up a room full of cheerleaders while calling them sluts was ridiculous enough to be laughable, but today it feels like some incel power fantasy poo poo and hits too close to reality. I was surprised to learn that the director is a woman, because most of the film gives off a strong "women are sluts and murdering them is funny" vibe. It's clearly being intentionally offensive, but that doesn't make it any less uncomfortable. This movie actually has a lot going for it, but it tries way too hard to be offensive and comes across as gross instead. Definitely not for me. 2 veggie burgers out of 5  24. Paganini Horror (1989) Blu-ray You'd think a song written by Paganini for a Satanic ritual would sound dark or creepy (or, you know, like classical music), but it's more like a lame Billy Joel instrumental. This has some fun moments, but it also has some pretty bad ones. There are times where it felt like the dialogue was being made up on the spot, or like they forgot the original lines and had to make poo poo up during dubbing. Lots of extremely bad and awkward acting too, and not just because of the ADR. At no point does the plot make a lick of sense, but that's fairly par for the course with old Italian horror*. It's got some fun visuals and some gross effects. It also features Daria Nicolodi and Donald Pleasence, who are fun despite not having much to work with (and the latter seeming kinda drunk). Plus I'm a sucker for brightly colored lighting. * side note, there are some deleted scenes on the Severin release that actually would've helped make the plot slightly more coherent (emphasis on slightly) 3 switchblade violins out of 5  25. Curse of the Demon (1957) aka Night of the Demon Amazon (rental) (note: I watched the US version because that's what was available to rent digitally, not sure how it compares to the UK version) Directed by Jacques Tourneur and based on a story by M.R. James, this is extremely my poo poo. I love anything about witches, demons, and black magic, especially when it's a skeptical and science-minded character coming up against things they can't explain. The protagonist does often come across as pretty man-splainy, but being from the '50s I'll forgive it - and besides, he's wrong about it all anyway. The whole cast is excellent, especially Niall MacGinnis as the villain. It has excellent black and white cinematography and makes great use of lighting and shadows, and is generally just a really nice looking film. Even the titular demon looks pretty great, and the effects are pretty good considering the year this was made. I may have found a new favorite. Much like Tourneur's Cat People, I can see myself returning to this one many times. 5 runes out of 5  26. Evil Dead II (1987) Blu-ray Many horror/comedies are really just comedies that take their subject matter from horror movies, but this film works the other way - it's first and foremost a horror film that pushes the violence and gore far enough over the top to the point where it becomes cartoonish. There aren't many actual jokes (although the "A Farewell to Arms" gag makes me laugh every time) - the humor is mostly slapstick, and it all works really well. Ash fighting his own possessed hand is basically a super bloody Looney Tunes cartoon. Raimi pushes this even farther with Army of Darkness, where Ash is basically reenacting Three Stooges routines. That film tips the scales further away from horror into comedy territory, but I think this one strikes the perfect balance. It wastes no time in getting to the good stuff. Within 2 minutes from the start of the film, Ash is in the cabin, and within 6 minutes we see our first Deadite. Besides the rapid pacing, Raimi's sense of timing is just about perfect. He's a master at drawing out tension to keep the audience in suspense, and knows exactly when to drop in the scare or the laugh, or often both at the same time. Absolutely essential. 5 Kandarian daggers out of 5 Watched: 26 - Horse Girl | Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II | Resident Evil: Extinction | Resident Evil: Afterlife | Phantasm II | Swallow | Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead | The Stendhal Syndrome | Deathgasm | Saturday the 14th | Human Lanterns | The Wailing | Beyond the Darkness | Xtro | Tremors | The Invitation | Tremors 2: Aftershocks | The Seventh Curse | When Animals Dream | Stuck | The Hunt | Phantom of the Paradise | Blood Diner | Paganini Horror | Curse of the Demon | Evil Dead II
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Apr 27, 2020 15:39
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