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the piss boat is real
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Jul 21, 2020 01:28
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Kith posted:the piss boat is real
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Jul 21, 2020 01:38
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I'm sure the dude gets Vietnam flashbacks from boats now. Someone jetskis past him at beach and his world turns positively golden.
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Jul 21, 2020 01:55
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priznat posted:This is making the rounds on Twitter and is kind of military adjacent (wannabe navy seals) so thought it would be suitable: 
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Jul 21, 2020 02:09
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I legit lol’d when I got to “Yeah.”
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Jul 21, 2020 02:25
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Where the gently caress did this pissing on jelly fish stings come from? I saw it once when I was a kid growing up near the reef, and it american tourists just pissing on some dude's leg that got tickled by a box jelly fish tentacle. I was like, naah bro, and went and got the bottle of vinegar stashed behind every palm tree stump along the beach, and poured it on it. It loving weirded me right out, like, really freaked young me out for weeks all these people pissing on this dude's leg like it was literally medicine.
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Jul 21, 2020 02:26
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It's gotta be from a movie. I remember being aware of it as a kid in the 80s.
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Jul 21, 2020 02:48
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The only other time I'd ever heard of it was watching a rerun of Friends many, many years later. I live near the beach now and there's no vinegar anywhere on the beach except at the lifeguard huts.
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Jul 21, 2020 02:59
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not caring here posted:Where the gently caress did this pissing on jelly fish stings come from? I saw it once when I was a kid growing up near the reef, and it american tourists just pissing on some dude's leg that got tickled by a box jelly fish tentacle. I was like, naah bro, and went and got the bottle of vinegar stashed behind every palm tree stump along the beach, and poured it on it. No idea, but as someone who decided to give it a try out of desperation when a jellyfish wrapped itself around their leg, it works.
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Jul 21, 2020 03:08
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Yeah, it probably helped you like a placebo effect. Which is not to poo poo on the placebo effect in this instance. I've been stung twice by irukandji and I'd have taken placebo relief if I could have. Piss won't help a sting at all. Jellyfish venom is caustic, vinegar is super acidic. Unless you're pissing at a pH of 2 or 3, in which case you've probably got bigger problems besides jellyfish.
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Jul 21, 2020 03:19
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not caring here posted:Where the gently caress did this pissing on jelly fish stings come from? I saw it once when I was a kid growing up near the reef, and it american tourists just pissing on some dude's leg that got tickled by a box jelly fish tentacle. I was like, naah bro, and went and got the bottle of vinegar stashed behind every palm tree stump along the beach, and poured it on it. Also, saying it works because of ammonia is even dumber, there’s very little ammonia in piss. If you have a ton of ammonia kicking around, you are for sure in liver failure and headed for a hepatic coma.
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Jul 21, 2020 03:21
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You know what, I was just thinking about this, and if you're stung by a man o war, taking a whiz on it might help. It's not a jellyfish though, but it sure as hell looks like it.
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Jul 21, 2020 03:35
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A guy I know got stung on vacation and asked on Facebook if the piss thing was real and a bunch of people said no. He still got someone to piss on his leg though anyways.
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Jul 21, 2020 03:46
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`Nemesis posted:A guy I know got stung on vacation and asked on Facebook if the piss thing was real and a bunch of people said no. He still got someone to piss on his leg though anyways. I usually have to pay for that
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Jul 21, 2020 05:02
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This thread sure took a presidential turn!
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Jul 21, 2020 05:14
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The only part of that story that sounds suspect to me is that the narrator had the smallest dong
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Jul 21, 2020 13:01
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Guest2553 posted:I know someone who had an extended stay with a UK army unit for something or another, and told me of a horrifying game he was introduced to called 'spatters'. Someone hides a poo poo somewhere. When it's found, someone else hides a dump. The owner of the longest hidden poo poo wins, minus anyone disqualified for getting caught or charged. I read this story, and I found it funny, so I sent it onto a friend of mine who's a Major in the Army and a JTAC I think. Anyway he laughed and sent me another tale which happened yesterday:  vvvvv Sound on for this one  https://i.imgur.com/yazLswI.mp4 
DrAlexanderTobacco fucked around with this message at 17:13 on Jul 21, 2020 |
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Jul 21, 2020 17:08
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I’ve done archival work with navy deck logs and oh god that poo poo is always so fun to come across in official records. I had one on a mid-90s DD where a couple of sailors on shore for fleet week or some similar celebration in Boston checked their buddy into the hospital for alcohol poisoning. 8 hours later the same dude logs in on the deck log as the person writing the days log. Way to puke and rally. Edit: seriously there is a very high probability that a good number of your idiots stories have some paperwork in either military archives or, if they’re old enough, at NARA.
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Jul 21, 2020 17:21
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Oh and if you were in the military between iirc 1976 and like the mid 00’s your SSN is all the gently caress over the place. Like, literal lists of name, rank, SSN for entire units. Or just if you come up in a thing. “Petty Officer Goony McGoon SSN 111-11-1111 bumped his head and got checked out by the ship’s Dr, he’s ok” type stuff. Yes many of these are in the National archives why do you ask?
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Jul 21, 2020 17:25
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Ugly In The Morning posted:Also, saying it works because of ammonia is even dumber, there’s very little ammonia in piss. If you have a ton of ammonia kicking around, you are for sure in liver failure and headed for a hepatic coma. The vinegar doesn't do anything about venom that's already been injected, but you have bits of tentacle stuck to you whose nematocysts haven't fired yet. If you do anything to those, like try to scrape or pick them off, then they will fire and you'll get a bigger dose of venom. Vinegar denatures the stinging cells and deactivates them so they can't fire anymore. But ammonia and most other things you can pour on there will make them trigger. So not only does piss not have much ammonia in it, and if you have a bunch of ammonia in your piss something's wrong, but ammonia is not going to do anything but make it worse anyway. http://europepmc.org/article/MED/6102347
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Jul 21, 2020 17:34
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The only good log entry I've gotten to do was the time a raccoon fell off the roof of my barracks on DLI when I was on duty. Dang thing got up after about an hour of lying motionless and wobbled off into the forest. Animal control didn't even bother showing up, despite the call from the NCO on duty saying "hey there's a dying animal right here you need to get"
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Jul 21, 2020 17:40
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Cyrano4747 posted:Oh and if you were in the military between iirc 1976 and like the mid 00’s your SSN is all the gently caress over the place. Like, literal lists of name, rank, SSN for entire units. Or just if you come up in a thing. “Petty Officer Goony McGoon SSN 111-11-1111 bumped his head and got checked out by the ship’s Dr, he’s ok” type stuff. My unit used to send out unredacted personnel lists- with Social Security- drat near weekly. E- to any email you gave them.
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Jul 21, 2020 17:58
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The best weird, funny deck log I ever saw was a multi hour epic ordeal with a ship in dock getting ready for an overhaul post 9/11. Like IMMEDIATELY post 9/11. I wanna say it was like sep 20 2001 or something. Everyone’s on insane high alert, to the point where they called out guards to go see about “suspicious foreigners observing the ship” they were dock workers killing time on their break in the staff parking lot across the river Anyways at late in the night o’clock one of the guys on watch calls out a diver in the water between two ships (both navy waiting for overhauls in this shipyard). Says he saw the diver surfacing and going back under. Claims it was a person in a full body wetsuit carrying a bag or satchel. All hell breaks loose. They sound general quarters, open up the arms locker, get the neighboring ship woken up, get search parties organized, phone the captain in the middle of the night to get back out to the ship, etc. The deck logs were basically like ten pages of people freaking out and jumping at shadows because they think Al Quaeda frogmen are gonna put mines under the keel. All the small craft are launched to both form a picket and generally look for divers. Captain shows up and OK’s shoot on sight for anyone in the water. In the morning they located and identified the intruder, and brought it safely into custody it was a waterlogged log that was half submerged and periodically bobbed to the surface
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Jul 21, 2020 18:02
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This is a story about dogs and ice cream. I like dogs. Don’t own one - spend too much time at work or on the road to feel like I could actually take care of a pet - but somehow wind up dating almost exclusively girls with dogs, probably subconsciously so I can hang out with doggos. We were in Afghanistan and at one of the bases filled primarily with folks that had never been outside their own compound, let alone off base. There are always at least a few shops with folks that go out in town or at least down range, or come from a previous life where they’re alarmingly comfortable with being shot at. We tend to congregate, like somehow rolling your eyes hard enough at the fuckers bitching about being limited to one coke at the chow hall - excuse me, DFAC - because the last shipment of sodas got blown the gently caress up (or, far more likely, hijacked or sold twice because gently caress it, Uncle Sugar will just buy more) gives you a mass that brings like minded people into a similar orbit. A handful of us are coming up on six months. At this point, I was working with mostly contractors on my team, bouncing around the country installing repeaters and setting up radio networks in places that our only option for power was solar. I had many interesting and surreal experiences over that year, like eating goat stew while petting a relative of my meal, teasing the goat about how it could be tomorrow’s lunch and biting into the next chunk of meat only for it to bite me back. I had chewed on a partial jawbone. Complete with teeth. I remember being on one fortified ridge and installing a replacement antenna on on of the CP buildings when a terp comes running right at us and we hear gunfire down in the valley overlooked by the ridge. It’s one AK and it fires maybe a half dozen rounds, pauses and fires a few more. I’m cognizant of the gunfire but kinda ignoring it until the terp gets close to tell us to cover our ears, the CP is going to make a point to this local farmer about shooting at us first thing in the morning, but we shouldn’t be alarmed because there’s no danger to us. They fired every single weapon they had aiming about a hundred meters in every direction around this dude, who promptly agreed we had better firepower and that he had better things to do elsewhere. The contractor working with me was flabbergasted by the dude firing on a heavily armed CP for no reason. I told him that’s just the local greeting, and the terp threw his arm around me and said “destitue gets it.” Point being we were definitely out in the hinterlands of Afghanistan a bunch and very used to the Afghani Hello. Anyhow, we’re back at the warehouse between trips down range, prepping for whatever’s next or loving off as best we can, and get the usual suspects together for lunch. We sat right by the ice cream for whatever reason, which is currently out of stock due to aforementioned Afghani entrepreneurialism. During the course of our meal, a bunch of people would walk up, see that ice cream was out of stock, and voice various degrees of dissatisfaction. Those we knew we would give a bunch of poo poo to - “Hey Bill, aren’t you lactose intolerant anyhow?” “Tour just not complete without ice cream every day, I get it!” etc. One guy that complained was one of our K9 officers. His only vice was one bit of sugar a week, and he loved ice cream, so he was holding out hope we could get it in stock, and soon, as he was right at the cusp of grabbing something else and was certain the next day we would get ice cream back in stock, meaning he’d have to wait another week. Lunch over with we all break off to work, hooches, the gym, laundry, etc. Most of my team is headed to our rooms for a break before another 8-10 hours of work. About halfway to my quarters, the siren sounds and the Big Voice tells us to shelter in place. Luckily the quarters I was in were hardened, so I duck into my room, crank up my radio and figure we’ll get the IDF or whatever and be back to normal before I could really fit in a nap. Since we were radio techs, I briefly flip over to the security and C2 channels to find out what’s going on, then text my team. No IDF or attacks, looks like a dog sat on a truck in the chute. For those not familiar with how drug/bomb/etc dogs work, they are trained to sit when they smell a certain range of chemicals. So our bomb dog was smelling some cargo coming in from outside and sat down, saying basically “I smell a bomb.” The K9 officer radios it in, pulls back to a bunker with the dog, and hopes our countermeasures don’t accidentally activate the trigger on the bomb. EOD gets called and we all wait for an hour or so, expecting an attack. Time passes and EOD shows up and gets briefed while the K9 takes the dog out to see if the dog just needed a second. She sits in the exact same spot looking at the same part of the truck. K9 bugs out again and we sit in lockdown for another stretch. By this point I say gently caress it, tell my guys to hit me up when the lockdown is over because I’m taking a nap. An hour or so later I wake up and we are still holding tight. Turns out this is about the time EOD opened up the truck and start methodically looking for the explosive or explosive material. I’m a little pissed that I’m going to be up all night to get my poo poo done, but hey, better in my hooch than in the hospital. Right about dinner time they call the all clear. Good news, no bomb. Bad news, the dog was a little old for her job and probably going to go into doggy retirement after this, but doggy retirement is pretty good since it means no more going to a far away place to hunt for bombs. Also had a lot of people bitching about spending the afternoon on lockdown. That evening in the chow hall our K9 buddy is excited to tell us what happened. He wasn’t the guy in the chute, but obviously knew who was, and couldn’t stop laughing. Turns out the dog had sat...because she smelled ice cream in the truck. It was right where she was focused both times she sat. Our K9 buddy pointed out “If the dogs are upset about not getting ice cream, maybe we should stop razzing folks.”
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Jul 21, 2020 19:03
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destitute posted:This is a story about dogs and ice cream. i hope that dog's retirement involved as much ice cream as they wanted
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Jul 21, 2020 19:53
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Cyrano4747 posted:Oh and if you were in the military between iirc 1976 and like the mid 00’s your SSN is all the gently caress over the place. Like, literal lists of name, rank, SSN for entire units. Or just if you come up in a thing. “Petty Officer Goony McGoon SSN 111-11-1111 bumped his head and got checked out by the ship’s Dr, he’s ok” type stuff. don't worry, those who served post mid-00's get to participate too thanks to OPM!
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Jul 21, 2020 20:23
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Kith posted:i hope that dog's retirement involved as much ice cream as they wanted I was at Manas on my way back from KAF, and there was a Marine at the bar there with a black labrador sniffer dog. I asked the dude if I could just pet his dog for a while and he obliged, it was a good dog.
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Jul 21, 2020 20:40
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We had a therapy dog assigned to the unit I worked with, his name was Zeke  http://gene-afterthemilitary.blogspot.com/2011/12/dog-of-war-sgt-1st-class-zeke-helps.html?m=1 He was as good as they say, maybe even better 
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Jul 21, 2020 22:05
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Internet Wizard posted:The only good log entry I've gotten to do was the time a raccoon fell off the roof of my barracks on DLI when I was on duty. Dang thing got up after about an hour of lying motionless and wobbled off into the forest. I wish I had gotten a picture of the log from my old squadron that went something like 0230: All conditions normal. 0252: Heard scratching sound coming from briefing room ceiling. Investigated. Nothing found. 0310: Raccoon fell out of ceiling in ready room, attacked ASDO. 0312: Raccoon escaped back into ceiling. SDO notified.
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Jul 21, 2020 23:04
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Cyrano4747 posted:Oh and if you were in the military between iirc 1976 and like the mid 00’s your SSN is all the gently caress over the place. Like, literal lists of name, rank, SSN for entire units. Or just if you come up in a thing. “Petty Officer Goony McGoon SSN 111-11-1111 bumped his head and got checked out by the ship’s Dr, he’s ok” type stuff. I was going through my Dad's papers a few months ago, and came across lots of ERs of people he had rated. Like, hundreds of them, boxed in with correspondence, orders, clippings and so on. They all went into the shred pile. Every single one had full name, SSN and enough info to steal a crapton of identities. Had to deal with a lot of his bills and finances for the past few years, but I had memorized his ssn because it was on my mildep card. The Army was pretty casual about throwing ssn's around.
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Jul 22, 2020 00:38
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brains posted:don't worry, those who served post mid-00's get to participate too thanks to OPM! I’m still getting calls in Mandarin from a spoofed OPM number since my SF-86 was in that. I don’t know why anyone thought that combination would successfully scam anyone.
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Jul 22, 2020 00:49
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Kith posted:i hope that dog's retirement involved as much ice cream as they wanted Our K9s typically kept their working dogs post-retirement. One guy was married to a veterinarian that would re-home the working dogs that got out. I don’t see any way those dogs wound up anything but spoiled after all the work they did. Probably the best stress relief was finding yourself on a base eating outside and having a tennis ball roll or bounce by you, followed closely by an off duty dog. Unless they were trying to do some behavioral training with the dog, the guys were pretty welcoming of giving attention to the dogs.
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Jul 22, 2020 01:04
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 First letter home from boot camp.
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Jul 24, 2020 15:45
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not caring here posted:Yeah, it probably helped you like a placebo effect. Which is not to poo poo on the placebo effect in this instance. I've been stung twice by irukandji and I'd have taken placebo relief if I could have. Piss won't help a sting at all. Did you get the feeling of impending doom?
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Jul 24, 2020 16:24
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Lol I want to think that was written during a DI Tornado™® event and hastily stuffed in the envelope.
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Jul 24, 2020 16:26
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Platystemon posted:Did you get the feeling of impending doom? Got it quick surges the first time, none at all the second. However the feeling like getting hit with a combination cattle prod / red hot poker at frequent and long intervals kind of prioritizes things. Funnily enough, the doom feeling got me out of the water the first time, but without the doom getting me out I almost wasn't able to get out of the water the second.
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Jul 24, 2020 16:37
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The sense of impending doom and temperature inversion of ciguatera are the weirdest symptoms. What does either one exactly do to your neurons to make you feel hopelessly doomed/make hot things feel cold and cold things feel hot?
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Jul 24, 2020 20:21
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Word got around, a few articles got written, including Vice publishing the Navy's Twitch recruitment manual, AOC threatened to push legislation to keep the military from recruiting through online video games ever again, and the Army esports team (LOL) pulled out of Twitch entirely before the poo poo hit the fan. NEVER MIND 
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Jul 27, 2020 04:56
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Have an idiot mine: https://twitter.com/ftrain/status/1287183861785473027
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Jul 27, 2020 14:08
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| # ? Jun 9, 2024 08:02 |
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J.theYellow posted:Word got around, a few articles got written, including Vice publishing the Navy's Twitch recruitment manual, AOC threatened to push legislation to keep the military from recruiting through online video games ever again, and the Army esports team (LOL) pulled out of Twitch entirely before the poo poo hit the fan. Half the fun of twitch are the constant trolls of the streamers to provoke a reaction and watch them roll with it. Even major streamers carefully curating their community are subject to it.
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Jul 27, 2020 17:26
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