quote:My other errands did not take so long, nor were they as difficult. Jasper agreed easily to my request. My mother was glowing with happy anticipation. What I’d wanted from Emmett no longer applied; it was clear he’d be with Rosalie, and she’d be somewhere far from here. Wait, sleeveless? It was just described as a button-down when he first spent way too much time talking about it. quote:I passed Alice on my way out, leaning up against the pillar at the edge of the porch steps, near where Rosalie had waited before. Her grin was smug. Everything looks perfect for Bella’s visit. Just as I’d envisioned. Even her family is canonically resigned to letting her control them. quote:“You’re not taking Bella’s desires into account,” I reminded her. And a pretty scary one! quote:“Alice, I—” I'm not kidding: keep this in mind when you reach the end. Edward knows Bella is destined to become a vampire this entire time and in denial. quote:I scowled at her on my way down the steps, and then I was running. Right, you wouldn't want to invade her privacy or anything. quote:Charlie rose not too long after I’d returned, before the first hints of dawn had even begun to light the sky. I felt confident, due to his usual patterns and also his murky but cheerful thoughts, that he was going fishing again. Sure enough, after a quick peek into Bella’s room that found her more convincingly asleep than she’d been the night before, he tiptoed downstairs and started rummaging through his fishing gear under the stairs. He left the house just as the clouds outside took on a faint, gray luminosity. Again, I heard the rusty creaking of Bella’s truck’s hood. I flitted to the window to watch. Almost as if it was an abruptly out-of-character moment! quote:After a brief moment of loading rods and tackle into the back of his police cruiser, Charlie drove away. I returned to my former place and waited for Bella to wake. Have you....forgotten how hair works? quote:“Your hair looks like a haystack, but I like it,” I informed her, and her eyes snapped to my position. Relief saturated her expression. Edward is canonically the dumbest person in the series. quote:Suddenly, Bella bolted upright. I dropped my hands out of the way as she scrambled to her feet. Nah. quote:“I’ll wait,” I promised her. She’d asked me to stay, and until she told me Listening to every single detail in stereo of Bella taking her morning poo poo. quote:It was only a few moments until she rejoined me. Two high spots of color marked her cheeks, and her eyes were bright and eager. Still, she moved more carefully as she approached me this time, and paused, unsure, when her knees were an inch from mine. She seemed unconscious of the fact that she was warily wringing her hands. "Hey, why hasn't that boy buttoned his shirt all day?" quote:Bella’s dissatisfaction only intensified. I didn’t want to explain the errands I’d had to run, so I said the one thing I was absolutely sure would distract her. You still don't have a life! quote:“You are my life now,” I whispered. The precursor to all of her lies that everyone believes. quote:It took me half a second to compose myself. Relief made me feel weak, but the shock also left me agitated. “That wasn’t funny.” Having just suffered 8 g's of acceleration. quote:She looked up at me and smiled, clearly not shaken in the least. “What’s for breakfast?” Finally, a thing Bella is good at: pouring cereal. quote:“Can I… get you anything?” Wow, what creative writing. I've never seen this before. quote:The answer was obvious in her eyes, but she said, “Yes,” in a low, tremulous voice, which I hadn’t expected. She never admitted when she was afraid. Or, at least, she never admitted when she was afraid of me. Oh, you all have plenty wrong with yourselves! quote:“Oh, they already know everything,” I said, and the anger was clear in my voice. I tried to smile, but I could tell it didn’t soften my tone. “They’d taken bets yesterday, you know, on whether I’d bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can’t imagine.” I realized I was prejudicing her against them, but it was fair she should know. I tried to rein in my ire. “At any rate, we don’t have secrets in the family. It’s not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that.” You're certainly ruining somebody's life with this... quote:“Something like that,” I admitted, and turned my face as if I were looking out the windows into the backyard. I didn’t want her to see how upset I was. I could feel her eyes on me, and doubted I was fooling her. That's because they are! quote:turned back to her in turmoil, only to find her watching me with fearless eyes. She trusted me, as she always had. I took a deep breath. Charlie doesn't deserve what's about to happen to him. quote:“I don’t know,” she admitted. Her voice was quieter—less sure—when she continued. “That’s not necessary, you know. I don’t expect you to… I mean, you don’t have to pretend for me.” Telling him the full story would probably result in him calling the National Guard. quote:“Well, I don’t know if we need to give him all the gory details,” I answered softly. I reached out with one finger to raise her face so that I could see her eyes. “But he will need some explanation for why I’m around here so much. I don’t want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me.” He should! quote:“Will you be?” she asked anxiously, ignoring my mild joke. “Will you really be here?” In the original read of this dialogue, I pointed out the inherent problems with immortality relevant to the vampires' indestructibility and the inherent non-permanence of the universe. It turns out they don't even think of that. Just eternity. Like it's a metaphor for the Mormon afterlife. quote:face with my fingertips. I sure hope that never happens! quote:Through the ceiling, I listened to the sound of Bella wrestling with her wardrobe. There was not as much commotion as two nights ago, when she was preparing for our trip to the meadow, but it was close. I hoped she wasn’t too stressed about how she would appear to my family. Alice and Esme already loved her unconditionally. The others wouldn’t notice her clothes—they would only see a human girl brave enough to visit a house full of vampires. Even Jasper would have to be impressed by that. Yes, that's how to think about your roommate who can barely walk by a girl without feeling an impulse to eat her. "I'm sure he'll be impressed by how brave she is to jump out in front of you!" quote:I’d pulled myself together by the time she ran back down the stairs. Just focus on the day ahead. Focus on the next twelve hours at Bella’s side. Surely that was enough to keep me smiling. You notice anything missing here? The infamous long khaki skirt is now gone. Stephenie Meyer was successfully bullied into trying to retcon it out. quote:Impulsively, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. I breathed in her fragrance, and smiled. I've done better drunk with a girl I wasn't planning on sleeping with. It worked. quote:Slowly, my fingers followed the length of her spine, discovering the curve at the small of her back, then resting atop the slope of her hip.
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# ? Jan 19, 2021 05:18 |
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# ? Jun 5, 2024 03:54 |
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chitoryu12 posted:Wait, sleeveless? It was just described as a button-down when he first spent way too much time talking about it. Sleeveless button-downs exist. They're called vests. Seems like a Mormon enough article of fashion.
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# ? Jan 20, 2021 03:05 |
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chitoryu12 posted:Finally, a thing Bella is good at: pouring cereal. An enlightening and alluring sight of Bella easily and confidently locating a bowl, a box of off-brand Cheerios, the fridge, a spoon and the table in her own kitchen. A sight to behold. Simply marvelous.
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# ? Jan 20, 2021 10:50 |
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# ? Jan 22, 2021 18:16 |
This site had better come up with a better post autosave because I just accidentally hit the back button on my mouse and erased the rest of this loving chapter.
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# ? Jan 25, 2021 04:32 |
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chitoryu12 posted:This site had better come up with a better post autosave because I just accidentally hit the back button on my mouse and erased the rest of this loving chapter. Write big posts in Word or something that counts characters and copy/paste them.
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# ? Jan 25, 2021 06:27 |
~then Bella went on interminably and Edward thought dark thoughts of sociopathy and blood while Rosalie watched in horror.~
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# ? Jan 25, 2021 18:01 |
quote:She gasped in a loud breath and her eyelids fluttered. I realized that I hadn’t heard the sound of her breathing in a while—longer than was right. Meyer is not only retconning Edward's behavior, she's retconning Bella fainting from the passion of the kiss as her not breathing on purpose. quote:“What am I going to do with you?” I half growled. “Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!” Also, how fast does Meyer think you pass out from holding your breath? quote:“I can’t take you anywhere like this,” I grumbled. quote:“Look,” she said, interrupting my scrutiny. “I’m trying really hard not to think about what I’m about to do, so can we go already?” In true manly fashion, choosing for her and expecting her to go along with it. quote:While I drove, she sat up alertly and stared out her window, watching the houses race past us. I could see that she was nervous, but I also guessed that she was curious. Once it was clear we were not going to stop at any given house, she lost all interest in it and looked to the next. I wondered how she pictured my home. It would take no effort to rework this passage slightly for a serial killer book. quote:I reached out and brushed her shoulder, and she gave me a strained smile before turning to the window again. ....what the gently caress are you talking about? quote:“Wow,” she breathed. Knees weak, palms sweaty... quote:She started to slow as we walked up the porch steps, and her hand was trembling. Confirming that Esme's personality is "does nothing important." quote:Bella’s eyes darted around the room, taking it in. She was slightly behind me, as if using my body as a shield. I couldn’t help but feel relaxed inside my home, though I knew it was the opposite for her. I squeezed her hand. "And only biologically 9 years younger than me!" quote:“Please, call me Carlisle.” You scripted this? quote:My question seemed to be what she was waiting for. “Hey, Edward!” she called as she darted into view. Then she ran—really ran, not in a human way—down the steps and hurtled to a stop just inches from Bella. Carlisle, Esme, and I all froze in surprise, but Bella didn’t so much as flinch, even when Alice sprang forward to kiss her cheek. This comes off even gayer now. quote:I tried to think of a way to ease the awkwardness, but then, like magic, there was no awkwardness. I was perfectly comfortable, and I could feel Bella’s tension melt out of her body. This isn't how Jasper's appearance was written originally. He was very awkward, with no roguish grin. Meyer sounds like she's (subconsciously or otherwise) influencing her characters with their actors. quote:“Hello, Bella.” Rosalie has already punched five trees. quote:Should I make excuses for Rosalie? Before I could decide what to say, Not always the best ones! quote:I looked to Alice for a visual clarification, but she was thinking about the weather. That's the first thing you think? quote:“No,” she answered Esme. “I should have known, I guess.” Alice already psychically saw that Jasper would rib Edward for not even being able to masturbate and told him to stop. quote:Esme gave me her best disapproving-mother look. “I hope you haven’t been showing off—it’s rude.” Piano is her own personal brand of heroin! quote:I stared back, deadpan. How is he more bratty in this version? quote:I chose Esme’s song—it was a joyful song, a triumphant song, suited to the day’s mood. "We're far too interesting and would steal the scene from these two clowns." quote:Esme was disappointed, but she followed Alice upstairs. They would all pretend that this was just a normal day, that it was nothing momentous to have a human inside our house. One by one, they flitted away to the tasks they would have been pursuing if I hadn’t brought the mortal home. You are! quote:I was stunned for a moment. I supposed Esme’s earlier words about showing off were the crux of the matter. Her idea that my music would win over whichever corners of Bella’s heart remained ambivalent was obviously misguided. This is another interesting concept that Meyer can't do justice: an incredibly powerful supernatural being that loses all interest in life because it's simply too easy and otherwise difficult skills lose any significance to them. Unable to feel pride in beating human achievements, what do they do? quote:I could only think of one way. I created a simple bridge and shifted into a new song. She watched my expression now, expecting me to respond. I waited until I was through the main structure of the melody, hoping she would recognize it. She actually learned what keys are! quote:I thought I should allay her earlier fears. “They like you, you know. Esme especially.” Bella had probably been able to see that herself. Abruptly and insanely. quote:She pursed her lips, unconvinced. “Emmett?” Much like how a mountain is just a pile of dirt. quote:“Oh!” That revelation stunned her for a moment. But then the frown returned. “Even Jasper, though…” This is now just reading as a story where a Mormon woman is afraid her son is gay until he brings a girl home. quote:She pursed her lips. “Alice seems very… enthusiastic.” So is Edward confident that Bella is what he's been looking for or angry that Alice is pushing everything to get them together? You can't have it both ways. quote:“So what was Carlisle telling you before?” she asked. Oof. quote:My trivializing did not put her at ease. She doesn't! quote:She ignored that, and started to watch my hands moving over the keys again. After a few seconds, she took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Had she processed another waking nightmare so easily? "Why the hell is it Victorian on the outside but modern on the inside? Why did you replace a whole wall with glass?" quote:I wondered what had surprised her most: the light colors, the vast openness of the space, the wall of windows? It was all very carefully designed—by Esme—not to feel like some kind of fortress or asylum. Oh boy, here we go. quote:This was the second time I’d seen Bella cry. The first time, I’d hurt her. Not intentionally, but still, by implying we could never be together, I’d caused her pain. Here it is. The tear eating. We finally get to learn why Edward did this. quote:Carlisle had spent many years attempting to understand our immortal anatomy; it was a difficult task, based mostly on assumption and observation. Vampire cadavers were not available for study. Stephenie Meyer wrote this. She put her fingers on a keyboard and came up with this and thought it was romantic and poignant and she published it and she's rich now. quote:She stared at me curiously, but I had no sane way to explain. Instead, I returned to her earlier curiosity. I can't loving believe I just read this. quote:“Do you want to see the rest of the house?” I offered. I wonder if I could remake this in The Sims. quote:I was about to round the corner and follow the next flight of stairs up, but Bella stopped suddenly. I looked to see what she was staring at so bemusedly. Ah. Bro, you just ate her loving tear to keep it inside your body forever. If she can withstand that, she can withstand vampires being old. quote:“He just celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday.” Or close enough. Carlisle had chosen a day for Esme’s sake, but it was only his best guess. “Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen forties, he believes. Time wasn’t marked as accurately then, for the common people anyway. It was just before Cromwell’s rule, though. He was the only son of an Anglican pastor. His mother died giving birth to him. His father was an intolerant man. As the Protestants came into power, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions. He also believed very strongly in the reality of evil. He led hunts for witches, werewolves… and vampires.” This is the main motivation for Carlisle: penance for all the innocents he killed as a human. Of course, he still loans his cars out to other vampires to help them eat people. So whatever. quote:I knew the stories of Carlisle’s human years as well as I knew my own. As I described his ill-fated discovery of an ancient London coven, I wondered if this would sound real to her at all. This was irrelevant history, set in a country she’d never seen, separated from her own existence by so many years that she had no context for it. Write this story instead! quote:The nature of Carlisle’s wounds was unfortunate. The gash in his hand was far from any major vessels, the slash in his arm had missed both the brachial artery and the basilic vein. This meant a much slower spread of the venom, and a longer transition period. As the conversion from mortal to immortal was the most painful thing any of us had ever experienced, an extended version was not ideal, to say the least. When I did the original book, I mentioned how weird it was that Bella suggested that Edward seemed to be "keeping something from her" during this story because it was never brought up again. This is the revelation: Carlisle had intentionally given Edward a very slow and painful transformation in the hopes that it would temper his bloodlust, and is still regretful about it. I still don't know why Meyer included that little hint and then never expounded on it until 15 years later. Did she just forget? quote:He hadn’t had time to experiment when he found Esme. She was much closer to death than I had been. To save her, it had been imperative to get as much venom into her system as close to her heart as possible. All in all, a much more frenzied effort than it had been with me—and yet Esme was the gentlest of us all. Maybe! quote:“It was over then,” I explained, “and he realized what he had become.”
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# ? Jan 25, 2021 19:12 |
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chitoryu12 posted:Stephenie Meyer wrote this. She put her fingers on a keyboard and came up with this and thought it was romantic and poignant and she published it and she's rich now.. If she Cool cool cool. Real good writing there Steffi.
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# ? Jan 25, 2021 19:33 |
Chapter 20: Carlislequote:We walked back along the hall to Carlisle's office. I paused at the door, waiting for his invitation. How would Carlisle be able to tell if one room was darker than another? quote:Carlisle marked the page in the one he was reading and then stood to welcome us. Here's one from 1653! quote:Her brows furrowed. "My presence is so much better than yours, it would be distracting." quote:He smiled at Bella and spoke aloud to her. “I would, but I’m actually running a bit late. The hospital called this morning—Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides”—he looked to me—“you know the stories as well as I do.” Did he steal it? quote:“When he knew what he had become, he rebelled against it. He tried to destroy himself. But that’s not easily done.” Gotta keep her from figuring out a way to off herself on impulse after her transformation. quote:“So he grew very hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from the human populace, recognizing that his willpower was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest places, loathing himself.…” You may ask yourself "Why the gently caress did Edward spend several days completely underwater?" Reportedly, Stephenie Meyer gave an explanation in an interview I've seen referenced but can't find: vampires usually just swim with their super speed any time they need to cross a body of water. Now think about the Volturi and their witnesses coming to the finale of Breaking Dawn, in their heavy velvet robes, and try to picture this in any way that isn't loving hilarious. quote:“A bit uncomfortable,” she repeated in a fragile voice, barely over a whisper. You've been doing the "THIS IS ONE TRUTH TOO MANY!" thing for half the drat book. Just admit that she's a monster fucker and move on. quote:She reached up with no hesitation to press her fingers against my cheek. “What is it?” "Fully clothed, as was the custom of the time." quote:I measured her mood for one more second, then turned back to the gallery. This time I pointed her toward the most ostentatious of all the paintings, the brightest, the most garish. It was meant to be a portrayal of the final judgment, but half the thrashing figures seemed to be involved in some kind of orgy, the other half in a violent, bloody combat. Only the judges, suspended above the pandemonium on marble balustrades, were serene. The description of it as half-orgy, half-violence, is also not in the original book. Only "mayhem" and "swirling robes." quote:While I explained Carlisle’s first few years in Europe, Bella stared at the painting, trying to make sense of all the figures and swirling colors. I found my voice becoming less casual. It was hard to think of Carlisle’s quest to subdue his nature, to become a blessing to mankind rather than a parasite, without feeling again all the awe his journey deserved. Yes, yes, woe is you. quote:Bella was staring at me now. I tapped the relevant scene in front of us to refocus her attention on the story. I know Carlisle has never killed a human directly (certainly through inaction with his "friends"), but I wonder how many vampires he's killed. As we saw in Eclipse, he's a skilled fighter and showed no hesitation in sending his family into battle. How many of those London "wraiths" did he have to decapitate and burn? quote:“Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?” she asked. She shouldn't! quote:We started up the stairs. Now she seemed indifferent to her surroundings; she only watched me. It's not his fault! It's those darn girls who tempted him with sin! quote:“It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from the depression that accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl—if I saved her, then surely I wasn’t so terrible.”
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# ? Jan 28, 2021 04:42 |
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Thank you for your public service.
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# ? Feb 5, 2021 17:47 |
quote:September 1930. It had been a very bad year. Everywhere, the humans struggled to survive bank failures, droughts, and dust storms. Displaced farmers and their families flooded cities that had no room for them. At the time, I wondered whether the pervasive despair and dread in the minds around me were a contributing factor to the melancholy that was beginning to plague me, but I think even then I knew that my personal depression was wholly due to my own choices. We're now in the best flashback of the book! quote:The minds I hunted were usually hardened to all human pity—and most other emotions besides greed and desire. There was a coldness and a focus that stood out from the normal, less dangerous minds around them. Of course, it had taken most of them some time to reach this point, where they saw themselves as predators first, and anything else second. So there was always a line of victims I had been too late to save. I could only save the next one. Huh, why does this sound familiar? quote:I was a bit flummoxed. I had never condemned anyone to death whose hands were clean. But it seemed likely this man would not have clean hands for long. And the girl in his mind was just a young child. Oh yeah, this flashback is loving dark. This is basically Meyer writing the story we all wanted instead. It just has to deal with words like "flummoxed" in the horror segment. quote:Unsure, I decided to wait. Perhaps he would overcome the temptation. Unlike you, who is superior. quote:Down the alley where he lived, where the buildings leaned precariously together, there was a narrow house with a recently collapsed roof. No one could get to the second floor safely, so that was where I hid, motionless, while I listened through the next several days. Examining the thoughts of the people crowded into the sagging buildings, it didn’t take me long to find the child’s thin face in a different, healthier set of thoughts. I found the room where she lived with her mother and two older brothers and watched her through the day. This was easy; she was only five or six and so didn’t wander far. Her mother called her back when she rambled out of sight; Betty was her name. This is, uh, going places. quote:The hardest part, the part he struggled with, was that he knew he would have to kill her afterward. This was distasteful, and he didn’t like to consider the how of it. But this qualm, too, was overcome. It took another week. Sorry, you're bored with this? quote:I was oddly disappointed the night he came for his ropes and gags. Against reason, I’d hoped he would stay guiltless. No matter what Edward says to justify killing these people, don't let it trick you into thinking he was somehow moral at any point. He wanted people to rape and murder so he had victims to feed on. quote:followed him to the open window where the child slept. He didn’t hear me behind him, would not have seen me in the shadows if he had turned. The chanting in his head was over. He could, he had realized. He could do this. Maybe this is why they cast Robert Pattinson as Batman. quote:He realized that I had saved the child from him, and he was relieved. Not hardened like the others, not cold and sure. So except for this guy, Edward never actually managed to get to a criminal before they had already committed their crimes! quote:As I considered them all, every one of those I’d executed, I didn’t regret any of their deaths individually. The world was a better place for each one of their absences. But somehow this didn’t matter. Somehow this book is making Edward more villainous. quote:“But as time went on,” I continued, wondering how much she’d intuited that I hadn’t said, “I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn’t escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved.” I remembered their arms around me, remembered the joy in their minds when I returned. And that entire flashback happened between sentences!
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# ? Feb 6, 2021 20:08 |
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chitoryu12 posted:And that entire flashback happened between sentences! Twilight would be a great anime
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# ? Feb 6, 2021 22:12 |
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That flashback makes me wish Meyer had let her ideas percolate another decade. Or, in all fairness, since she wouldn’t have the same popularity in the first place, be willing to totally rewrite her saga instead of reusing exact passages/dialog/etc. But I’m biased since I was never a fan of Twilight to begin with and I find the idea of Edward and Bella choosing to justify their actions and ultimately NOT be good people a far more interesting story.
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# ? Feb 7, 2021 16:40 |
quote:We’d reached the last door along the hallway. "It turns out it only sounded that good to me, with my vampire senses, and is almost inaudible to humans." quote:It felt surreal to see her in the center of a space that was almost always an isolated retreat. We’d spent most of our time together in the human world—school, town, her home—and it had always made me feel the interloper, the one who didn’t belong. Less than a week ago, I couldn’t have believed she would ever be so relaxed and comfortable in the middle of my world. She was no interloper; she belonged perfectly. It was as if the room had never been complete till now. How disturbing! quote:“How do you have these organized?” she wondered, trying to make sense of my collection. One of the few times she'll be telling the truth! quote:A flicker of unease twisted my expression. I thought of pomegranate seeds for the first time in a while. It felt right to have her here, but was that just my selfishness blinding me? Nothing had scared her away from me, but that didn’t mean that she shouldn’t be frightened. She’d always been too brave for her own good. Goddammit, I forgot about the pomegranates! You made me forget and now you're bringing it back! quote:Bella watched my face change. “You’re still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren’t you?” This isn't funny! quote:I smiled, showing too much of my teeth. “You really shouldn’t have said that.” Another Meyer retcon: telling us outright that Bella knew this was a joke the entire time, so it's okay that Edward did this! quote:I sprang. Especially with full knowledge of his background and actions! quote:I grinned at her. “Much better.” Yep! Motherfucker's gonna hate you! quote:Alice was already walking into the room as I answered, “Go ahead.” Yes, you read that right. Jasper is literally getting high on romance. quote:“Actually,” he said, changing the subject. I could see that he wanted to control what he was feeling, to regulate it. The ambience was overwhelming. “Alice says there’s going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?” This is hilarious. He's a loving emotion junkie. Bella and Edward's relationship is so perfect and preordained by destiny that even he, a guy who's been in a loving relationship for decades, is addicted to it. quote:“Do you want to go?” I asked Bella. Still a better love story than Bella and Edward. quote:She was out the door in the same breath. Jasper followed more slowly, savoring each second near us. He paused to shut the door behind himself, an excuse to linger that much longer.
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# ? Feb 15, 2021 23:10 |
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chitoryu12 posted:
edit: read the lyrics, it fits. Midjack fucked around with this message at 00:16 on Feb 16, 2021 |
# ? Feb 16, 2021 00:13 |
https://twitter.com/rudeism/status/1362376886827896832
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# ? Feb 18, 2021 18:12 |
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Is it just me or do Meyer's attempts at correcting weird abusive bits etc make this into more of a slog than the others? The earlier books had a kind of... idk, call it emotional weight, or passion, or involvement, i guess... that made the text if not good then at least entertaining. Is that what's missing here? Anyway, I'm still rooting for you to finish it, chitoryu, cause it's the only way I'll ever see the end. Also, Hades = good.
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# ? Mar 3, 2021 15:26 |
Chapter 21: The Gamequote:The time always went so quickly. Soon Bella would need to eat another meal, and currently there was no food at all in my house; I planned to rectify that in the near future. Time to return to the human world. As long as we were together, it was not a burden but a joy. Edward, you need to eat too. Just because you're on a different feeding schedule doesn't mean the concept of meals is totally unknown to you! quote:So a meal, a little while to soak up her nearness, and then I’d have to leave her. I expected she would want to talk to Charlie alone before my introduction. But as soon as I turned onto her street, it was clear that my expectations for the afternoon were thwarted. How well does Edward know cars that he can identify exact model years? quote:Bella beat him home, the old man thought. That’s unfortunate. Yes, this is another line that was an unintelligible mutter in the original book and is now explained here. I don't know if Meyer actually knew what Edward was saying at any point or if she's just making this up as she goes. quote:Jacob saw me in the driver’s seat just a second before Billy did. Yes, that is our romantic hero Edward Cullen and his superpowered brain that remembers multiple human lifetimes of knowledge wanting to just immediately abandon any pretenses of diplomacy or convincing the Quileute that the Cullens aren't people-eating monsters so he can scream and intimidate people with his power. A very normal thing to want to do. quote:“That’s probably best,” I agreed. “Be careful, though. The child has no idea.” I don't even know whether to call this out for Edward being over a century old and dating a teenager or Edward being permanently locked into teenage immaturity so him calling anyone "a child" is dumb. quote:“Oh, I know,” I teased. Charlie will have his own label in a month! quote:My smile softened. “I’ll be back soon.” I'm going to hit this boy with a sledgehammer. quote:But her eyes were on Billy now, appraising his distress. her new boyfriend's such an rear end in a top hat quote:“No,” Bella protested sharply at the same time my teeth snapped together. “He was headed someplace new… but I have no idea where.” What do you mean "even through the walls"? You have superhuman hearing that can pick things up for miles! quote:What’s this? She doesn’t want me to see Charlie. She couldn’t know why I need to warn him. That would be Rebecca, who never once appears in the books. quote:I need to talk to her alone. It makes more sense for Jacob to dislike Edward so much if he smells like rotten cheese to him before he becomes a werewolf. quote:“I think I saw it in the trunk,” Billy lied smoothly. “You may have to dig for it.” How much she was into a neck kiss? quote:Billy and Bella were facing off in the hallway. And of course, Edward's psychic power means we don't even need a different perspective! He can see everything Bella is doing through Billy's eyes! quote:Bella spoke first, her voice unfriendly. She’d obviously decided there was no point in acting oblivious. “Charlie won’t be back for a long time.” He's using his Dramatic Voice! quote:She held as perfectly still as it was possible for a human to stand and waited for him to continue. He'd have a loving heart attack if he found out that Edward actually confessed everything to her and she just got kinda into it. quote:“Maybe.” He was annoyed to have to agree with her. “Is Charlie as well informed?” A liar, yes. quote:“Though it would be my business, again, whether or not I think that it’s Charlie’s business, right?” she asked. It didn’t really sound like a question. Since it's been a very long time, you may have forgotten. The Quileute who knew about vampires boycotted the hospital when Carlisle moved in, but Billy had no way of just telling Charlie why so they all came off as weird assholes. quote:“Yes, I guess that’s your business, too.” And just think how much this innocent kid will have his personality destroyed in the coming books! quote:Billy heard the trunk and knew his time was up. He made his final plea. The writing keeps making it seem like Billy is trying to be exaggeratedly serious, like an oracle in a bad movie. quote:Jacob helped his father over the threshold and down the one step of the porch. Bella followed them to the door. She glanced toward the empty truck, then waved once toward Jacob and shut the door while Jacob was still loading his father into the car. "So there's no chance for me then..." quote:Billy’s mind was caught up in a memory. I was surprised that I remembered this, too. From a different angle. Little does Billy know how entangled the family tree will really get in a few years. quote:I’d been in the house when Carlisle had made the next call, so of course I’d heard everything Carlisle had said. Billy was remembering his side of it now. Oh, that's convenient. quote:It had been such an ordinary day. The twins were out with friends, so it was just Billy and Jacob at home. Billy was teaching the boy how to whittle a sea lion out of madrona wood when the phone rang. He’d wheeled himself to the kitchen, leaving the child so focused on his work that he barely noticed his father leaving. He wasn't even told that vampires don't age? quote:Billy had struggled to find his own voice. “Yes,” he finally rasped. He thought he heard a faint sigh. "Except that bit in the 1930s. Ignore that." quote:Billy couldn’t think of anything to say. He’d been locked into this treaty since before his birth. He wanted to object, to threaten… but treaty or no, there was nothing he could do. This is the closest the books come to actually confirming how close the Cullens' house is to civilization: at least 5 miles away from any neighbors. quote:How would they convince any of the children to obey this rule? He thought of his own headstrong daughters and his happy-go-lucky son. None of them believed any of the stories. And yet if they ever made an innocent mistake… they’d be fair game. Legally, nope! quote:“Let me give you my number. We’d be happy to have a more cordial—” chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 19:25 on Mar 3, 2021 |
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# ? Mar 3, 2021 17:40 |
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Billy being told that a bunch of nice white people with the power to annihilate his whole world will be moving in, and having to endure "assurance" after "assurance" that it'll be fine, is actually kinda haunting.
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# ? Mar 4, 2021 09:47 |
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Literally the only person who is a threat is Edward, it's fine! Also Jasper. 2 vampires isn't that big of a deal.
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# ? Mar 4, 2021 19:22 |
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Grammarchist posted:Billy being told that a bunch of nice white people with the power to annihilate his whole world will be moving in, and having to endure "assurance" after "assurance" that it'll be fine, is actually kinda haunting. I'm inclined to say that there are no truly consensual relationships possible between Meyers type vampires and anyone else, romantic relationships or otherwise. The power differential is simply so enormous that virtually any relationship has to be considered abusive in light of the sheer disparity between what the vampire and the anyone else can do.
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# ? Mar 4, 2021 19:54 |
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Oh how I wish I had the link to a post Meyer made on the old Twilight forums where she’s talking about your hand being on fire and it’s the post painful thing ever and there’s a bucket of water right there but if you put your hand out your child dies so what do you do and somehow this justified her vampires being a dominant species. I’m probably conflating some ideas in all fairness because it’s been years since I read that stuff, but the mental gymnastics Meyer did back then to prove the Cullens were morally good were something.
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# ? Mar 4, 2021 20:19 |
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I suppose half the problem is that I think relationships should be between equals, rather than being unequal where one is clearly subservient to the other. Mormons gonna Mormon, though, I guess.
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# ? Mar 5, 2021 04:40 |
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SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:Oh how I wish I had the link to a post Meyer made on the old Twilight forums where she’s talking about your hand being on fire and it’s the post painful thing ever and there’s a bucket of water right there but if you put your hand out your child dies so what do you do and somehow this justified her vampires being a dominant species. ...wut
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# ? Mar 5, 2021 13:28 |
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I actually found it, and I did misremember, it’s not your child that dies. Personal Correspondence 12 from 2007: Meyer posted:Thirsty vampires are in acute physical pain. It is comparable to the feel of a third degree burn inside your throat. It can make a vampire literally crazy for relief—beyond thought. If your hand was on fire and there was a bucket of ice water beside you, would you resist that relief? Of course not. You would have no reason to. Back to the average vampire’s viewpoint, neither does a vampire have a reason to resist. There is a fire, he or she quenches it. Problem, solution. It is not about pleasure as much as relief of pain for the thirsty vampire. There is pleasure in the act, but it does not influence the motivation before the act as much as the pain does....
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# ? Mar 7, 2021 05:35 |
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Well I guess it makes sense, a child dying was a bit out of nowhere, lol. Meyer kinda wrote herself in the corner because on the one hand she wants her vampires to be these completely inhuman, eldritch, alien monsters who are entirely ruled by their thirst but on the other she also wants the Cullens to be a model Mormon family. And it's not like Cullens are complete outsiders for other vamps, they're just considered to be quirky.
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# ? Mar 7, 2021 12:22 |
And also romanticize the vampires to the point where it makes sense for Bella becoming a vampire to be considered a happy ending, despite it apparently being eternal agony constantly driving you to murder!
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# ? Mar 7, 2021 18:57 |
quote:And then I had to stop running. I’d not quite reached the treaty line, but this particular memory made me loath to cut it too close. I turned north and headed homeward. Not the theoretical morality of the "vegetarian" vampires. The treaty. quote:I imagined that Billy’s longstanding friendship with Charlie would be the point of contention. Billy would fight very hard to be allowed to warn Charlie in a more detailed fashion. A cold one had chosen his only daughter as… a victim, a target, a meal; I could guess how Billy would choose to describe our relationship. "Terrible. Literally all of it." quote:Surely the others, more impartial than Billy, would insist on his silence. Can I say again how much I love Rosalie and wish she was the protagonist of a better book? quote:“You heard about the game, I guess.” How good could Twilight have been if Edward and Rosalie always had this dynamic? quote:She took another deep breath, instantly regretting our agreement. She tried to imagine being in the same place as Bella and… struggled. I missed this girl. quote:“If it doesn’t work, we’ll regroup and come up with another solution.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5An0zXkyJc quote:Inside, Emmett was watching four different baseball games at the same time on the big screen. His head was turned away, though, listening to the sound of Rosalie’s car squealing into the garage. Who the hell wrote this? This isn't the Twilight we've gotten used to. This is....actually good? quote:I’m just glad you’re back. The last months had dragged unusually for Emmett, first with my moods and then with my absence. With all the stuff Meyer wrote in 2007 that was godawful. quote:I almost apologized, but I knew he wasn’t upset with me now. Emmett lived for the present. Oh my God he's been soaking wet this entire time. quote:I dressed for Charlie this time, pulling out one of the more impressive rain jackets that I rarely wore. I wanted to look like a person who was taking the weather seriously, concerned about avoiding the cold and the wet. It was the little details that set humans at ease. This is a fanfic. There's no way Stephenie Meyer could have written something actually decent. quote:It was a quick conference with Carlisle—like me, he could see no course of action besides continuing on as we were. And then I was hurrying back to Bella. At this point, Bella is talking to her dad about dating Edward. Charlie can't remember all the kids and is confusing them. quote:I pulled over by a patch of forest between homes and let the engine idle. Stop just repeating scenes quote:“When is he coming over?” Because she would destroy Phoenix with clumsiness, yes. quote:“Well, I’ll probably watch most of the time.” You are the worst at passing for human! quote:I heard Charlie’s footsteps coming toward the door, closely followed by Bella’s. Charlie’s mind seemed to be vacillating between anxiety and humor. I thought he was still enjoying the idea of Bella willingly being involved in a baseball game; I was almost positive I had it right. "Bella, he's an rear end in a top hat." quote:Bella was watching nervously over Charlie’s shoulder. Reading the original here, this is where Bella calls her dad "Chief Swan" and I hate her a bit more. quote:Bella didn’t like my choice. I winked at her while Charlie was settling himself. You can't just make fun of your characters doing the writing mistakes you made and think it fixes them! quote:It felt more satisfying than I would have thought to say the words “She’ll be safe with me, I promise, sir” and be confident that they were true. Bella walked out.
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# ? Mar 18, 2021 07:51 |
quote:I didn’t get very far. Bella had frozen on the small porch, staring at Emmett’s Jeep. Charlie crowded behind me, looking to see what had slowed Bella’s determination to escape. Edward narrowly stopped Bella from breaking her neck trying to enter a vehicle. quote:I walked around to my door, waving to Charlie again. He waved back perfunctorily. Stop trying to make off-roading harnesses erotic. quote:As we pulled away from the house she said, sounding a little alarmed, “This is a… um… big Jeep you have.” Is part of Meyer's power fantasy just being able to speed and not wear a seatbelt? quote:She frowned and started to roll her eyes, but the expression got stuck midroll. This hurts. quote:Her expression was wary as she asked, “In a good way, or in a bad way?” It doesn't. quote:The track died in a small open space surrounded by close-packed fir trees—there was just enough room to turn a vehicle around in order to head back down the mountain. I shut off the engine, and suddenly it was nearly silent. We’d run through the storm; it was just misting now. There's no mention of a smile in the original book. This is another of Meyer's retcons: turning it into mutual teasing instead of Edward manhandling her to get her to do what he wants. quote:I opened the door for her, but she didn’t move. The harness must still be an impediment. I worked quickly to free her. He pulls a disco ball and flashlight from the trunk. quote:I thought through all our past interactions. In the early days, I’d often misinterpreted her reactions to me, but now I saw things through a new filter. I knew that if I looked into her eyes with a certain intensity, she would often lose her train of thought. And then when I kissed her, she forgot all kinds of things—common sense, self-preservation, and even life-sustaining activities like breathing. A heartbeat... quote:“Hmmm…” I considered how to proceed. “It seems I’m going to have to tamper with your memory.” And she can remind you about eating! quote:“Well…” She swallowed, then sucked in another ragged breath. “Um, hitting a tree. And dying. And then getting sick.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvhtITfLDAo quote:“No,” she breathed. “But I might.” I'm not posting any Evil Dead scenes here. quote:My upper lip touched her lower lip with the slightest pressure imaginable. That is not sexy! quote:Now my lips moved lightly against hers as I whispered, “You see, there’s nothing to be afraid of, is there?” Unfortunately, not close enough. quote:I could see it as clearly as I could see her startled face in front of me now—a world without her. I’d considered this fate so many times that I didn’t have to imagine now the vastness of that empty world, the agony of it. I knew it wasn’t a world I could endure. Please, just find anything else to write. quote:“drat it, Bella!” I gasped, barely hearing the words that twisted out of me. “You’ll be the death of me, I swear you will.” I shuddered, sickened by myself. We've already done this quote:She braced her hands against her knees, trying to catch her breath. Not the knotting again! quote:“I might have believed that before I met you,” I groaned and took a deep breath. It didn’t feel safe to be alone with her. “Now let’s get out of here before I do something really stupid.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4 quote:She never moved during the short journey. I heard her breath coming evenly, and her heartbeat seemed stable, if slightly elevated. She held still even when I came to a stop. Dammit, I already used that song! quote:For whatever reason, I started laughing and couldn’t immediately stop.
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# ? Mar 29, 2021 17:31 |
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chitoryu12 posted:Stop trying to make off-roading harnesses erotic. How about helicopter harnesses? 50 Shades of Gray posted:I sit down in my allotted seat, and he crouches beside me to strap me into the harness. It’s a four-point harness with all the straps connecting to one central buckle. He tightens both of the upper straps, so I can hardly move.
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# ? Mar 29, 2021 22:19 |
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macabresca posted:How about helicopter harnesses? It's startling how basic EL James's prose style is. There's a lot of sense detail, but it's all told in a flatly descriptive way, with similar sentence structures, and it ends up feeling like a 1st grade grammar book. But pervy.
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# ? Mar 29, 2021 22:24 |
quote:I choked back my humor and darted after to catch her lightly by the waist, trying to force my voice to sound composed as I asked, “Where are you going, Bella?” ......loving really, Stephenie? quote:“I wasn’t mad at you,” I assured her. Destined by fate to be together for eternity, utterly awful at communication. quote:I took her face between both my hands, trying to communicate with my eyes as much as with my words, trying to put more force into each one. At this point, it's been about 2 months since they first saw each other. quote:She stared at me with such warmth, such… adoration. There seemed to be only one answer to such a look. Bella was only 10 yards from the clearing and still managed to go the wrong way twice. quote:Carlisle was setting up the diamond while Alice and Jasper practiced some new tricks she wanted to perfect: If Jasper decided in advance to run a certain direction, Alice could see this decision and throw to his new position before he’d telegraphed the move. It didn’t give them much of an advantage, but as closely matched as we all were, anything had the potential to make them more competitive. And hopefully nothing will ever go wrong! quote:I might have enjoyed his enthusiasm, but underneath his fascination with something new, I could see that he didn’t doubt Alice’s version of things. Alice has spent 100% of the book's time rolling her eyes at Edward's drama queen behavior. quote:She skipped to a stop just an arm’s length away. She hasn't even done anything! quote:“Let’s go!” Alice urged, reaching for Emmett’s hand. She knew exactly how long we could get away with playing unrestrained, and she didn’t want to waste any time. Emmett was no less eager to get started. Together, they raced toward Carlisle. Of course Meyer is going to force us to re-read stuff we already did, even when Edward is holding a different conversation. quote:“Edward and I already picked teams,” Rosalie said. “Jasper and Emmett are with me.” When I first read this, I was shocked at how Esme basically introduced herself to Bella by explaining how she lost a child and then threw herself off a cliff. Even Edward can't figure out why she did that here. quote:Or perhaps Esme hadn’t decided at all. There was something about the way Bella listened.… Hadn’t I been eager to spill every dark secret I’d ever had? Hadn’t young Jacob Black betrayed an ancient treaty simply to amuse her? She must have this effect on everyone. Ohhhhh, right. She mysteriously has the effect of making everyone instantly tell her all of their deepest secrets and explain the plot and characterization to her as soon as they meet. It's not bad writing at all! It's just her magic power! quote:I moved into deep left field. I could still hear Bella’s voice clearly. Edward continuing to make overwrought dramatic faces of anguish at all times. quote:Alice waited until Esme was in the umpire’s position, Bella at her side, before she stepped onto the makeshift mound.
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# ? Apr 3, 2021 15:51 |
Out of loving nowhere, I was just suddenly reminded of Vampires Suck. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7fEgHdrTCk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wrT3PbcH2k https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juvlhSI5DsY
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# ? Apr 4, 2021 19:14 |
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I’ve just spent the last few months reading through this and wow... Back when Twilight came out I was a snobby teenage pseudointellectual who thought herself better than girly romance books, so I read the sporkings and parroted back their lines on how no one with brains would ever think abusive romances should be gushed over, but like a typical pseudointellectual I’d never read the source material being criticised. Reading this entire thread nowadays after accepting 2000’s spork culture was cringe and I was cringe for participating has been an experience... can’t believe the sporkers were completely correct. Thank you Chitoryu for your commentary! Getting to see how deeply the Mormonism influenced the story has been fascinating. What a complete and utter failure of a POV choice this entire book has been.
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# ? Apr 8, 2021 12:31 |
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While some 2000s sporking was absolutely done out of vindictiveness and leaned on shoddy reasoning (ie the vilification of Mary Sues) the first Twilight one I read was written by an ex-Mormon from the Utah/Arizona area who could point out connections like baseball being Family Game Night, Edward described in a way that parallels how Joseph Smith is taught in school, and imprinting a product of the belief your intended is chosen by God before you’re born. But most importantly she never castigated Meyer herself, instead focusing on the product and what its meaning was easily interpreted as despite author intent.
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# ? Apr 9, 2021 13:14 |
And I personally have no problems castigating Meyer herself, as I do think this book runs the risk of encouraging harmful behavior and views of relationships in its target audience. To an impressionable 14-year-old non-Mormon, the religious influence is invisible and they're instead just being presented with a story where extremely abusive behavior is forgiven or handwaved and a significant amount of page time is dedicated to justifying child grooming. Something I've noticed is that the tendency to just repeat common criticisms is endemic even in professional reviewer circles. You see an unpopular book get wrecked in the press but usually you only see about 4 or 5 big highlights of the issues, which make it seem like the reviewers are rushing through the product and missing other things that may be equally or more horrifying. I recently made the mistake of reading Vagina by Naomi Wolf, an absolutely psychopathic "feminist" book about how the vagina is connected to your entire nervous system and controls your entire body. It's a whole mess of pseudoscience and tantric nonsense, but most reviewers making fun of it stuck to a few particular instances like the time Wolf was presented with vagina-shaped pasta at a party to celebrate her book and was so distraught that she suffered writer's block for 6 months. But they missed a whole bunch of crazy poo poo, like how Wolf has a bizarre obsession with rat sex experiments, or how every single person she meets (who isn't a one-note joke or insult) is someone who perfectly agrees with her position and immediately spouts multiple paragraphs of exposition confirming her theory, even if it means admitting to really embarrassing things to a complete stranger (like "I hated my boyfriend's stupid nerdy T-shirts until he started creampieing me"). Or how there's literally no mention of trans people in the book, and the only time she talks about lesbians is to say that she's never had sex with a woman so she can't comment on how they fit into her theory that women need strong men to do tantric sex on them to unlock their potential and solve all of their emotional issues. The next book I'm doing after this will be Ready Player Two, and I think you'll get to see a lot more than you knew about if you only read the reviews mocking it.
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# ? Apr 9, 2021 19:29 |
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Oh my god spork the vagina book
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# ? Apr 9, 2021 19:36 |
Lysistrata posted:Oh my god spork the vagina book I did it in a Discord and it's too much. A big problem is that it's a very long book (the length of any one of these) and is filled with tons of data and monologuing from scientists, which may or may not be real (one scientist whose work she quoted toward the end did publicly say that she has no loving idea how Wolf came to the conclusions she did), so actually doing a comprehensive takedown of it would be a large project in which I'd need to be in contact with professionals in the field. There's also an entire, long chapter dedicated entirely to graphic descriptions of vaginal mutilation and rape in warfare to make the point that women are sad when that happens.
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# ? Apr 9, 2021 23:50 |
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# ? Jun 5, 2024 03:54 |
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chitoryu12 posted:Out of loving nowhere, I was just suddenly reminded of Vampires Suck. I was not prepared to live in a world where I laughed at this movie, but the wheelchair fight actually had some decent comedic timing.
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# ? Apr 12, 2021 18:49 |