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Yeah, most of us don’t. I, for example, just bottle the stress so I can break the glass when I’m experiencing an unrelated crisis to achieve a full mental collapse. Why do you ask?
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May 9, 2023 15:14
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boquiabierta posted:How do (most of) y’all deal with the stress of living in a country where the leading cause of death for kids is guns 😣 suicide and accidental discharge comprise a substantial proportion (although sadly not the majority which is extremely hosed up) of those deaths and i can control that by not having a gun in my house. other than that i try not to think about it lol.
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May 9, 2023 15:22
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I put that into the same box with all the terror of ripping a new person from nothingness and bringing them into this world which does not have good near-term prospects. Then I push that box far enough back that my usual fatigue/joy of raising someone cool just kind of covers it.
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May 9, 2023 15:26
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I would recommend substance abuse to try and forget the ever lurking specter of gun violence. Bonus result that you die of cirrhosis/lung cancer/whipit overdose before you are shot to death at a Lidz or a showing of Ratatouille 3. On a more serious suggestion I would recommend moving out of red areas: https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2023/04/23/surprising-geography-of-gun-violence-00092413
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May 9, 2023 15:44
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I keep my child locked in a dark basement where nobody can ever see her or shoot her or give her skin cancer (gently caress you Sun). It's the only way to be sure. Try not to think about it, be aware where she is at all times and look for exits in public places
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May 9, 2023 15:49
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I should say just as a disclaimer that I support basically any and all gun reform and legislation and would support a ban wholeheartedly, especially on handguns and assault rifles. But that isn't the country we live in (I'm in the US and I assume you are too) so we have to do the best we can. I think a certain amount of embracing radical acceptance and really trying to come to terms with the fact that you won't be able to protect them from the ills of the world is the first step. This sounds a little flippant typed out but please know that there are hours of tears and therapy put behind that statement. When I picture gun violence finding my (four years old, today) baby, it's usually in a mass shooting situation where it is something unexpected and completely out of my control. I also have spent many hours despairing and many tears on my choice to bring her into a world that will be changed (almost assuredly for the worse) by climate change and politics when she's older.  This is a graph from the NYT article from Dec 2022 Childhood’s Greatest Danger: The Data on Kids and Gun Violence. It is a good article that breaks down the statistics and all of that but I think the important perspective for me was the motor vehicle accident line. Cars have seemingly gotten a lot safer over the last 20 years, even though I haven't really been following the numbers. Risk of death in an MVA is about the same as risk of gun deaths on average, but I still drive my kid places. We live in a midsized city and driving is part of getting around. Her grandparents live an hour away. I am not frightened when I buckle my kid into their seat. I do everything I can to make it as safe as possible, I am an attentive driver, I make sure her seat is fitted correctly, and we drive the speed limit. So I guess the answer is that you do what you can to make it as safe as possible. You make sure you don't have guns in the home. You ask family members to remove or safely store guns in their homes (and verify that). You ask parents if they have guns in their house before letting your kid go over. You teach them that guns are not toys and are never for kids to touch or play with, even if you don't expect them to come in contact with one. You try to cultivate a relationship where if they are depressed and suicidal they have other options and supports available besides finding a gun. Moving out of the country isn't an option for us and isn't really something I would want to do even if it was. We support political candidates and activist orgs working for change. We make things as safe as we reasonably can in our lives and try and balance preparing our kids for the horrors of the world while keeping it age appropriate and then we live our lives because I won't be able to control everything and if (when) bad things come to pass, we will do what we can to manage it then. What is "reasonable" really varies from person to person and family to family. I personally know people who have pulled their kid out to homeschool them for a variety of reasons, but one of them being gun violence. I know I would not be a good teacher for my kid and so it's not something I'm willing to do. I keep my medicine locked up, but I don't really judge people who don't. It's all risk management, and at the end of the day you will never be able to mitigate risk 100%. So it comes down to what you believe is reasonable. Anyway sorry for the novella here, but this is something I've done a lot of thinking about but obviously still struggle to put it into words. I hope it makes some sense. marchantia fucked around with this message at 17:10 on May 9, 2023 |
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May 9, 2023 17:01
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Speaking of which, I just learned that a friend of mine got a death threat from a 6yo he’s teaching, which led to expulsion of said kid. It’s a loving baby, but the threat was very specific and involved the family’s gun. gently caress this country, and I can’t emphasize that enough.
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May 9, 2023 17:36
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Speaking of this country being a difficult place to raise kids, I am having a terrible time trying to figure out childcare for when my daughter starts kindergarten in 1.5 years. I bought my house specifically for the schools in this neighborhood, but there are literally zero options for before-school care. I can 1. Try to form a neighborhood friendship within the next year and hope they can help with drop off in the morning 2. Enroll my kid in a charter school that I’m not thrilled about, but it has an early drop off option 3. Make a drastic career change to accommodate school hours Many of my friends have done option 3, which I really, REALLY do not want to do. Option 1 seems the best, but how does one go about doing this? Like, do you just go up to people and be like, “hey you have little kids, let’s be friends!” I know there’s neighbors with kids about the same age as my kids, but we haven’t said more than hello…
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May 9, 2023 18:02
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Lemme just say, I am worried like heck about this kid growing up/being educated in Florida. But I also know as Dad's Girlfriend, and especially considering his mother is local and has partial custody, I can do nothing about that but help teach him valuable stuff when I can and be a safe and consistent adult ally for him. His dad got him the gay penguin book "And Tango Makes Three" though, so we're already pushing our Woke Agenda at him.
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May 9, 2023 18:11
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The gun violence worries is something that consistently keeps me up at night. All I can really do is think of ways I can personally mitigate the risk. To be honest I don’t really have a great way of coping with this mentally and it affects me deeply every time I hear about another mass shooting  So I try not to think about it too much.
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May 9, 2023 20:25
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remigious posted:The gun violence worries is something that consistently keeps me up at night. All I can really do is think of ways I can personally mitigate the risk. To be honest I don’t really have a great way of coping with this mentally and it affects me deeply every time I hear about another mass shooting This is me too
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May 9, 2023 20:30
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Koivunen posted:Speaking of this country being a difficult place to raise kids, I am having a terrible time trying to figure out childcare for when my daughter starts kindergarten in 1.5 years. I bought my house specifically for the schools in this neighborhood, but there are literally zero options for before-school care. I can Lots of daycares here will let you drop your kid off in the morning and a bus will have that as a pick up stop to take them to school...any daycares like that by you?
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May 9, 2023 21:35
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Koivunen posted:Speaking of this country being a difficult place to raise kids, I am having a terrible time trying to figure out childcare for when my daughter starts kindergarten in 1.5 years. I bought my house specifically for the schools in this neighborhood, but there are literally zero options for before-school care. I can In addition to looking at local daycares, you could check out churches. There are places by us that have reasonably priced before-/after-school care that will get the kids to/from school even if you aren't a member of the congregation.
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May 9, 2023 22:02
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sheri posted:Lots of daycares here will let you drop your kid off in the morning and a bus will have that as a pick up stop to take them to school...any daycares like that by you? Yeah this! My daycare does this. The recent shooting crap has really messed with me. My wife has had some legit seeming threats come her way recently through her work (she is a therapist, I won't go into further detail) and that's now involved a ton of talking to security guys at her work making plans for terrible scenarios, and us setting up a security system at the house. It's all just so...I hate it. I still don't own any guns. I'm trying to figure out a way to make our stairwell extremely slippery in case of an intruder but everything I think of seems insane.
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May 9, 2023 22:37
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Good-Natured Filth posted:In addition to looking at local daycares, you could check out churches. There are places by us that have reasonably priced before-/after-school care that will get the kids to/from school even if you aren't a member of the congregation. The in home daycares don’t open early enough, and the two daycare centers that are early don’t take school aged kids. There are very few options in this neighborhood. I haven’t looked into churches though, I will give that a shot.
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May 9, 2023 23:11
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Just reading about the recent shooting made me feel awful, and I live in the UK. So my heart goes out to all of you over there. I can't imagine the stress. My daughter has thankfully recovered well from her illness. It was just a simple virus despite all my stressing.
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May 10, 2023 00:32
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Thanks everyone. I deal like a lot of you, by trying not to think about it… except now I have to think about it a lot because we actually don’t live in the US right now and we have to decide if we’re going to move back. I always thought we would move back, but right now I am filled with so much horror and terror at the idea of taking my kids out of a place where they won’t have to do active shooter drills in school. Why would we choose that? (Well, because our families and friends live there as well as any hope of a career for me. But when put up against my kids’ safety it is really really hard to weigh). We’d be moving to a blue state for sure, but that feels like pretty minimal comfort. gently caress the republicans creating this world.
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May 10, 2023 08:47
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My son noticed me watching Beavis & Butthead and now he think it's hilarious and wants to see them all. But he's a bit young IMO (9) to watch it. Some episodes are less appropriate than some.
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May 10, 2023 10:38
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lobster shirt posted:suicide and accidental discharge comprise a substantial proportion (although sadly not the majority which is extremely hosed up) The statics are for children and adolescents up to 19, I believe. Surely the homocides occur mostly in the later age range, and can be somewhat controlled by parents by being white and/or not poor. As for accidental discharge, yes, you have the right idea. Gun nut parents can still somewhat control the risk by keeping guns in a safe and keeping the code secret from the kids, and never leaving a firearm in reach of the child for even a second. I guesstimate about 1% of gun nut parents will keep to that regimen, though...
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May 10, 2023 11:41
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I will never not get mad about the insistence of some people to keep poo poo like that in your house where your kids are jfc
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May 10, 2023 12:21
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lobster shirt posted:suicide and accidental discharge comprise a substantial proportion (although sadly not the majority which is extremely hosed up) of those deaths and i can control that by not having a gun in my house. other than that i try not to think about it lol. I grew up in a very very red area in Idaho and this was my experience growing up. There were too many whoopsies I shot myself situations to count and then as I got into my teen years there were a bunch of suicidal kids that died that from the guns at home. I distinctly remember playing hide and seek at a friends house and accidentally hiding in the gun room (there were hundreds of firearms in there). Being in a part of the country where fewer parents have firearms in their homes is the way you deal with it. If I had to live where I grew up with my kid…idk man.
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May 10, 2023 12:58
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El Mero Mero posted:I grew up in a very very red area in Idaho and this was my experience growing up. There were too many whoopsies I shot myself situations to count and then as I got into my teen years there were a bunch of suicidal kids that died that from the guns at home. i grew up in texas (and still live there  ), albeit in a major city, but i never encountered guns growing up. my parents didn't own them and if any of my childhood friends did, i didn't know about it. but it feels weird to think about needing to vet my kids friends parents, potentially, about whether they keep guns in the house.
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May 10, 2023 13:40
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I remember stopping by a work mate's apartment and they had some kinda huge pistol chilling on their glass coffee table like it was NBD and their daughter sitting on the couch playing whatever caveman tablet kids used back then. It was weird. I wonder if she was even aware it was there or if it was blended into the junk I pictured somebody busting in the door and she grabs the remote control and some old fries while her kid sighs, cocks the pistol, and aims for center mass.
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May 10, 2023 14:08
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Unfortunately many people that keep guns at home don’t keep them safe. I had an anecdote here but it was pretty grim. Safes aren’t always safe
remigious fucked around with this message at 15:05 on May 10, 2023 |
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May 10, 2023 14:49
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When I was a kid, I remember we'd always go look at my friend's dad's guns. He kept them in a safe in the basement that was always unlocked. Unsure if they were loaded, but luckily, none of us were ever adventurous enough to actually touch them. In another anecdote of my life, there was a kid in band with me who killed himself with his dad's shotgun while he was high on drugs when he was a senior. He had a scholarship to a good school to be in their music program. That was tragic. And another: my father-in-law has a few hunting rifles stored in a locked safe. He's an avid NRA supporter (even gifted me a membership last Christmas... that took me a month to cancel), but is pro logical gun control legislation because he uses guns for hunting not protection. That being said, he used to have a little pea shooter up on a high bookshelf more for show than anything. When the grandkids started crawling and climbing, I asked him to put it in the safe, and he promptly did. I don't like the guns, but I like that he's smart about them. He'll probably ask to bring the kids hunting when they're older, and I'll let him. I trust him to teach them proper respect for and handling of guns that I certainly can't. All of those stories no one cares about ultimately to show that guns are a part of our lives, unfortunately. Education, emotional support, and voting for people that you hope can change things are the best we can do.
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May 10, 2023 15:36
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I went to a militia training as a kid, got to touch a gun then get told they are very dangerous. Wild experience. Older sister was married to a cop so when I was a kid I got to see his gun and he told me "it is a weapon and to never ever touch it because it is dangerous". He kept it in his holster in his uniform in his nerd room closet... I vaguely remember. When my sister got pregnant I think he started keeping his weapons in the car or at the police station, because I never saw it again.
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May 10, 2023 15:45
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The feeling of pulling the blanket back over your sleeping kid and they snuggle in and sigh
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May 10, 2023 19:19
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How can a tiny creature powered entirely by milk, goldfish crackers and strawberries have so much strength and energy? Last week they were strawgarries, this week they are strawbearbies
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May 10, 2023 19:37
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My kid kept kicking his blanket off last night. He woke up seven times. What a nightmare. Trying the chair method and the Hatch sleep method to rein in this separation anxiety and sleep regression. He used to call them “strawby’s” which absolutely melted me. Now they are strawbearbies.
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May 10, 2023 20:28
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SpongeBob is Spongebodge
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May 10, 2023 20:35
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he can say it correctly now but macaroni used to be "nacanoni" which is just so cute to me
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May 10, 2023 20:47
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I’ve started saying “lemolade” myself sometimes.
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May 10, 2023 20:58
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Vallina is in my vocabulary now, as well as strawbabies.
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May 10, 2023 21:04
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Bananas are mixed up combinations of ba na ba na
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May 10, 2023 21:07
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CherryCola posted:I’ve started saying “lemolade” myself sometimes. There are so many things which now become known as the way she pronounces them in this house Orange was chench for a long time Zucchini is kinis
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May 10, 2023 21:31
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Staples are "stamplers" 
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May 10, 2023 21:33
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Tomatoes were “tameys” Avocados were “cados” Bananas were “bow-nanas”
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May 10, 2023 21:34
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Spoon is toon Cream cheese is keem cheese Milk is nalk Bananas are nanas Orange is enge Yellow is low Green is geen Purple is puh puh The kiddo has finally started saying "grandma" instead of just "ga." She's been better about grandma coming to babysit too. We went out for an evening a while back and she cried for hours before falling asleep under the dining room table. I was hesitant to leave her again, but the next time, she only cried for about a minute when she watched us leave and then had a nice time at the park. The other day she hardly noticed we left and it even took a minute for her to realize we were home and run to the door shouting "Mommy mommy mommy!" I've got therapy to go to every couple weeks now, so I'm glad she's doing better when left with grandma. I get to go out to my first pub night in... years? I think it's been years, on Friday. Fortunately, I've been able to get her asleep by around 8 or a little after and the event doesn't start until 8, so it should be an easy night of babysitting for my mom.
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May 10, 2023 21:48
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Sleepytime and shlllleeeeeeepyeye are interchangable. We got a whole routine at bedtime. Say sleepy time 3 times, say wiggle wiggle wiggle pop 6 times, say sleepy time 3 times and repeat as needed (all night)
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May 10, 2023 21:55
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My daughter used to say "watermelon" LADLADLADL
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May 10, 2023 22:18
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