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Spill some tea on your pants and then jump up screaming "OH GOD, I hosed EVERYTHING UP" and then kick over the tea set and run out the room through one of those paper walls they've got over there.
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Mar 8, 2024 19:11
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Just pull out a Steel Reserve and slam it down. Then open up your satchel and hand a cold as gently caress Steel Reserve to each of your new homeboys for life.
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Mar 8, 2024 19:22
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Dang It Bhabhi! posted:Just pull out a Steel Reserve and slam it down. Then open up your satchel and hand a cold as gently caress Steel Reserve to each of your new homeboys for life. We’ve moved on to a new, more exciting beer 
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Mar 8, 2024 19:26
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Slip some shrooms into the tea, take advantage of the execs giddy state to pitch the idea of going back in time to prevent sales from ever happening
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Mar 8, 2024 19:28
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At the end of some of the rows of desks, teams have been putting up posters of org charts or project flow charts that they print off our plotter printer. Someone's been stealing one specific team's chart, and have done it multiple times. Meaning they have to come to use to print it out again. The security dude went through the cameras and that team happens to be in a dead zone, so he went looking and found the stolen charts - and the pushpins that had been handing them - squirreled away at a desk. So now he's going through the booking logs for the desks in that area is is going to blast out an angry email the all the people who have sat at that desk and around it in the last few weeks because he has better things to do than play detective against either a weirdo trying to build a nest in the office or the world's most forgetful corporate spy.
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Mar 8, 2024 19:31
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Cthulu Carl posted:he has better things to do than play detective against either a weirdo trying to build a nest in the office or the world's most forgetful corporate spy. Sounds like he doesn't.
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Mar 8, 2024 19:43
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Barudak posted:I have now had my 4th of 5, 1 hour and 30 minute meetings to prepare myself for a tea ceremony with higher execs, with a 135 page support document on proper procedure. "I'm trying my best to impersonate a tea ceremony pro, but I don't think I can sell it."
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Mar 8, 2024 19:46
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Can you hire tea ceremony stand ins?
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Mar 8, 2024 19:56
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Call (888) TEA-RNGR Tea Pros are standing by!
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Mar 8, 2024 20:06
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Zopotantor posted:Molly guards were invented 40+ years ago. I don't know what kind of operation you think we're running here but it's not big or professional. And nobody cares about trying.
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Mar 8, 2024 20:09
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Killingyouguy! posted:My workplace has launched a "mentorship program" and my toxic trait is being tempted to sign up so I could teach at least one person to not be a dumbass This reminds me of the time someone brought their kid in for ‘work experience’ (which at 14 meant a week of making photocopies and other bullshit makework, what the gently caress else are we gonna do with a child in an office building?) and got pissed because the kid asked me what I studied at college to prepare me for a management role and I told them truthfully I finished school at 16 and just started working lol.
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Mar 8, 2024 20:15
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Killingyouguy! posted:My workplace has launched a "mentorship program" and my toxic trait is being tempted to sign up so I could teach at least one person to not be a dumbass I mentored one of the fresh-out-of-college kids on my old team after I left, just giving him some advice about what kind of things he should be looking into and what he can do to advance his career early on. He was able to get the step up he was looking for because of a presentation I helped him put together, which was a really cool moment. I've kind of accepted that my eclectic experience is probably best shared with newer employees who may be working their first job or not totally sure how to do something that isn't strictly part of their job responsibilities or need to learn some fringe skill not normally required by someone in our role. The new person on my current team reaches out to me regularly to understand what's happening and how things are supposed to be completed, which is nice; as soon as he was announced as the new hire I reached out to see if I could offer him any assistance My wife has been mentored by a few different people and has something like five mentees right now. It's helped her career to know some higher up people, but she likes being able to be a role model for those a few years younger than her trying to figure out how to get where she is and navigate the company. She's also had to learn to let people down gently because the drive is there, but the talent is lacking. That's a good skill to have at a certain point.
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Mar 8, 2024 20:16
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Lazyfire posted:She's also had to learn to let people down gently because the drive is there, but the talent is lacking. This would describe my entire team if my team had drive And man idk I've had to deal with so much "hey kyg, Bob is too dumb to do his job, can you 'mentor' (show him how to do his job, end up doing his job due to weaponized incompetence)" that I find needing a mentor sus. Why do you need to waste someone else's time to learn poo poo? Learn it yourself. We all have degrees we all know how to self study
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Mar 8, 2024 21:23
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Killingyouguy! posted:We all have degrees we all know how to self study Ah, to be new and/or unaware of how the average person works
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Mar 8, 2024 21:26
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dumb poo poo: mr ceo I'll say we can do this project, but I need to warn you that the lighting effect the designer is asking for in this room is likely going to be garish and overwhelming in the room its in. I do not think it is a good idea. i've made sure to have it in writing multiple times. if they want to pay the 50 grand for it to suck poo poo, they are welcome to. in not-so-dumb-poo poo: a carpenter and I were talking on the shop floor as he's working on the build of a big structure that has a metal framework that subbed out. Our work has some dumb bullshit, and hey, we don't do everything perfect, but man, we realize how good our fabricators are once we ask somebody else to do something. Nothing is square, the tolerances are lovely... it's amazing what other people put out consider 'fine'. It may take us 3 tries, but man, if you ask us to make something it will come out looking good and right
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Mar 8, 2024 21:42
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I had to take some PTO for a family thing. Coming back to this: Boss: "I need you to take over this Thing. It has spiraled out of control for too long and needs someone at the helm" Me: "That's McFly's job." Boss: "But you know how to do it. McFly has too much on his plate" Me: "That's literally McFly's job title. Director of Thing." Boss: "Maybe you can just help him out? Get us past this hurdle?" Me: That needs to be done by someone in house [I'm remote]. I'm not coming up there for an extended stay." Boss: "What'll it take to make it permanent?" Me: "You want to pay me more to do McFly's job? Is he going to take over my job?" Boss: "Oh no. He's too important as Director of Thing." Now, I've done the stupid "title promotion w/o extra pay" mistake before. This is the opposite.
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Mar 8, 2024 22:42
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Managing Director of Thing
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Mar 8, 2024 22:48
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The power to destroy a Thing is the absolute control over it
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Mar 8, 2024 23:08
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Executive Director of THING
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Mar 9, 2024 00:07
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i just noticed the dumpy joint i used to work for left a publicly-editable canva document wide out in the open on a webpage shown to customers. i am positive this would be the owner's dumb rear end leaving it like that. i may have anonymously put a big text box that just says "Jizz" in there
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Mar 9, 2024 00:36
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a nice and subtle Star Wars reference, I like it
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Mar 9, 2024 01:17
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20 Blunts posted:i just noticed the dumpy joint i used to work for left a publicly-editable canva document wide out in the open on a webpage shown to customers. i am positive this would be the owner's dumb rear end leaving it like that. hello
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Mar 9, 2024 01:33
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Wow was “I love juicy cocks in my rear end and mouth!” really so hard to type?
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Mar 9, 2024 01:56
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This isn't dumb poo poo my work does, but dumb poo poo that happens at work. I currently work in Public Works for my city. Yesterday, my coworker and I were tasked with removing old, rotten newspaper boxes from three different locations on Main Street. At location number three, as my partner and I are both actively grinding these boxes (him the frame bolts with a wired grinder, me the internal bolts with a battery powered grinder) and spitting out sparks on both sides, multiple people begin walking between us, attempting to open the currently-being-cut boxes looking for the free newspaper, bringing their children next to our angle grinders, etc. They are walking THROUGH the sparks, then are acting surprised when we tell them they need to move out of the way. Additionally, they went digging through the trash where we put the newspapers that should not have been (but were) loaded in the boxes. Which also had leftovers from homeless people, razor blades, moldy food, etc that were in with the papers. I just can't wrap my head around how absolutely mindless some people are.
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Mar 9, 2024 20:12
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Vile_Nihlist666 posted:This isn't dumb poo poo my work does, but dumb poo poo that happens at work. Wow, that's crazy! Where can I get some free newspapers?
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Mar 10, 2024 11:50
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Cthulu Carl posted:At the end of some of the rows of desks, teams have been putting up posters of org charts or project flow charts that they print off our plotter printer. Someone's been stealing one specific team's chart, and have done it multiple times. Meaning they have to come to use to print it out again. An ex-employee of ours drove a motorcycle and kept parking in our building's underground carpark for free because you can just go around the boom gates. The level of corporate detectivery going on from the building management and the office administrator was insane.
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Mar 10, 2024 12:05
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So free old newspapers? Sounds like literal garbage, why do people want that at all?
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Mar 10, 2024 12:25
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The Moon Monster posted:So free old newspapers? Sounds like literal garbage, why do people want that at all? It has "new" right there in the name though 
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Mar 10, 2024 12:31
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The Moon Monster posted:So free old newspapers? Sounds like literal garbage, why do people want that at all? some peoples brains are just wired to grab as much as possible of any limited resource.
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Mar 10, 2024 15:24
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stinch posted:some peoples brains are just wired to grab as much as possible of any limited resource.
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Mar 11, 2024 17:00
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stinch posted:some peoples brains are just wired to grab as much as possible of any limited resource. Ah yes, toddlers
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Mar 11, 2024 17:08
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Capitalist toddlers!!!!!! But I repeat myself. 
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Mar 11, 2024 18:54
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I have received now a fourth deck for this tea ceremony. I have more documentation on this than what my company does. This one is Emergency Responses Guideline
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Mar 12, 2024 03:46
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Is it just a picture of a knife and a picture of a pinky finger?
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Mar 12, 2024 03:48
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Barudak posted:I have received now a fourth deck for this tea ceremony. I have more documentation on this than what my company does. Baraduk, you have sold too much. You will have to drink the rest of the tea yourself, just as you finished the sales yourself.
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Mar 12, 2024 03:55
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Barudak is a hitman, it all makes sense now.
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Mar 12, 2024 04:05
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*two Japanese detectives view the blood spattered remains of the tea-house* young enthusiastic cop: Something must have gone wrong with... Older, grumpy yet insightful cop: yes, I am familiar with the fourth PowerPoint.
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Mar 12, 2024 05:54
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Barudak posted:tea ceremony Make sure you read Faith of our Fathers by Philip K. Dick before you go
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Mar 12, 2024 06:31
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In an emergency, cover the hole in the teapot's handle with your finger, pour a cup and drink it.
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Mar 12, 2024 07:00
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~Coxy posted:An ex-employee of ours drove a motorcycle and kept parking in our building's underground carpark for free because you can just go around the boom gates. See also: The Mystery of the Missing Item in the Shared Refrigerator
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Mar 12, 2024 07:12
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