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Hey guys, I've been finding myself thirsty a lot lately, which always seems to happen around summer, and I've usually been drinking water (from the faucet, from a bottle, from a hose, from a cactus, etc etc). However I just returned from running some errands and I saw a guy drinking water and he was uglier and fatter than me. I don't want to get uglier and fatter (I'm ugly and fat enough), so I was looking into alternatives for water. Here's what I've tried so far: * Gatorade - It's pretty good and sweet and I see a lot of attractive pro athletes using it (to drink), so I'm inclined to drink this. However, it's expensive and I heard it contains water, and those are both deal breakers to me. * Milk - This comes from a cow, and cows are full of steak, not water, so that's a plus. However it's even MORE expensive, and also it makes me fart and poo poo a lot. So gently caress off farmers. * Very hard liquor - I looked for 200 proof alcohol and got whatever was the closest to it and now my mouth tastes like pain, so count this option out * Sand - The opposite of what I'm looking for (makes me thirstier), but it is free and you can find a lot of it at children's playgrounds. I take it home with me because moms don't like it when you eat sand in front of their kids. * Blood - Drank my own blood and it tasted like poo poo (I was bleeding out of my rear end in a top hat after drinking a quart of sand). Also I figure that eventually I'll run out of blood to drink, and I'll have to move on to something else (like sand). Are there any viable alternatives to drinking water that you guys have heard about? It needs to taste good and be cost effective and not contain water because I don't want to get fatter and uglier. Thank you and may g*d bless.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:34 |
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# ? Jun 8, 2024 08:36 |
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it's piss, lowtax.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:34 |
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Don't do it. Read this post before you make the post you were going to make. Do not make that post.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:35 |
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bleach is the obvious answer here.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:36 |
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lol if you don't hydrate intravenously
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:36 |
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Lowtax posted:* Blood - Drank my own blood and it tasted like poo poo (I was bleeding out of my rear end in a top hat after drinking a quart of sand). Also I figure that eventually I'll run out of blood to drink, and I'll have to move on to something else (like sand). Just add cum and ants.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:38 |
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Bleach absolutely does the trick when I'm thirsty
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:39 |
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eightysixed posted:bleach is the obvious answer here. gently caress
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:39 |
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Banned user tears have electrolytes. they got what plants crave
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:39 |
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what i find helpful is to dehydrate my water in a bathtub or small kiddie pool with a fan blowing on it until it's all gone, then scrape up the solids and eat them to gain all the necessary nourishment
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:39 |
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Mozi posted:what i find helpful is to dehydrate my water in a bathtub or small kiddie pool with a fan blowing on it until it's all gone, then scrape up the solids and eat them to gain all the necessary nourishment What if I just grind up and eat the bathtub?
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:41 |
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Lowtax posted:What if I just grind up and eat the bathtub? Then you become the bathtub.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:42 |
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You should try ice. It's like the diet version of water. As you crunch and munch away your jaw is burning up all those extra water calories.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:42 |
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Cirrhosis Johnson posted:Then you become the bathtub.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:44 |
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Andenno posted:You should try ice. It's like the diet version of water. As you crunch and munch away your jaw is burning up all those extra water calories.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:45 |
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Fresh honey with the bees still on it
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:45 |
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Cum is tasty and full of vitamins and minerals
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:47 |
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Just drink VINEGAR! It's full of liquid, and it's (probably) very hydrating.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:48 |
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Have you considered windshield washer fluid? The downsides are it causes blindness but the advantages include not being able to see yourself get fatter and uglier as well as having streak free underwear.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:50 |
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That was a good decision. Drinking water weakens your vertebraes.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:50 |
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Soda has carbonated water. So soda might be out. If you like spicy food have you considered drinking liquid hot magma?
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:53 |
just diet coke never drink anything else
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:54 |
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Brawndo. It's got what plants need.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:54 |
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oil is anti-water, it refuses to even mix with water. olive oil is tasty and healthy, but you can also get crude by the drum
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:55 |
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Kak posted:Fresh honey with the bees still on it Yeah I’m gonna go with that over eau de septic corpse.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:55 |
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definitely heavy water, it's much more nutritious
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:56 |
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Gasoline fuels my car, why not your cybernetic body, Lowtax?
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:57 |
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i get all my nutrients from the sun, staring at it mainly
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 21:57 |
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Try some syrup. Not very watery, and lots of good calories for energy!
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:01 |
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DISCO KING posted:Gasoline fuels my car, why not your cybernetic body, Lowtax?
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:06 |
human shite
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:09 |
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Andenno posted:You should try ice. It's like the diet version of water. As you crunch and munch away your jaw is burning up all those extra water calories. Hot steam is the diet version. Ice is the fatty dessert of water.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:10 |
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box wine, op when you've drunk it, hey, free box
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:12 |
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You should try mayonnaise op. Pro tip tho, get a big jiggly bowl of that white nectar and give it a solid 2 minutes in the microwave first.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:12 |
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You could just switch to very hydrating foods. Sand is too dry, but watermelon (just a name) or cantaloupe and maybe wet cat food?
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:14 |
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Pepsi Zero Sugar. Best tasting diet soda imho.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:14 |
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go keto with a tall glass of rendered hog fat
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:15 |
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SEMEN, OP
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:15 |
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Is your skin absorbent? If you have bad skin it can betray you by putting too much into your system while bathing. Swap to dry soaps and a mixture of sand and water to keep it svelte.
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:17 |
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# ? Jun 8, 2024 08:36 |
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# ? Jul 11, 2018 22:18 |