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THE BRAND IS STRONG AND SO IS THE GDT FOR UFC 238: CEJUDO X MORAES Grrrrr what up ballbags this is the UFC 238 Game Day Thread brought to you by the Bodega Boys! Yurrr! Bronx is in the building and the brand is stronger than ever. Don't post any streams in this thread or else Tekashi 69 will snitch on you to the feds. The world's most illustrious comedians have moved on from Red Bull, moved on from Vice, bounced from Showtime, and are now on the biggest platform in the world, post-Patreon Something Awful. Lowtax came back like Batman after getting his back broken, and is now writing us extravagant checks from goon money. Suck my dick from the back, we getting paid. I understand that Lowtax now has more money than Mark Zuckerberg, can you confirm? Indeed. Something Awful's taking over the country, gonna start going alt right, gonna start spying on you now. Mods know about it. They're complicit. They're accessories. Hit em with the drop! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8h5r5v5S3C4 First off this is your cohost The Kid Mero aka Meho Gracie aka Joel HOVmero aka Xan Henderson AKA Bands a' get you laid Silva, aka Dana Black with a wallet thicker than Palhares, The Dark Skinned Renato Laranja saying howdy to your girl and then we getting howdy, ya feel me. Rafael Dos Thanos, Steep pay Miocic, Pimp Cane Velazquez aka The Young Punisher Fuego Munhoz And your cohost Desus Nice aka Goku Saki, the human steel Thai cup, aka Greg Stacks Son with pockets fatter than post-USADA Johnny Hendricks, aka the pride first round, aka I may not be five foot three but I am an alpha male, Darren Trill, Dutchie Poirier, Bustin Gat Heat, call me Rich Franklin middle name Like Benjamin with it, aka Edson Barsboza, and you can call me O-GSP because I got a brick in the backpack with your name on it. Henry Cejudo vs. Marlon Moraes (Men's Bantamweight Title Fight) Moraes looks like one punch man. I'm loving with him. He knocked Aljo the gently caress out. Know how he had the high top fade? Not before that fight. Moraes kicked his hair up and his poo poo stuck like that. Cejudo looks about 4 foot tall. He's nice but he does have the proportions of a ventriloquist dummy. He's child sized B. Yeah but what are you going to do when the child, who normally you're keeping that boy in line with your belt namsayin, now he's got a belt of his own. It's his house now. He's got that strap. True. You seen Cejudo, he's an olympic wrestler ok, then he goes and pulls some Conor Mcgregor poo poo on TJ? Honestly Henry Cejudo is like the Chris Brown of MMA. … ... Uh I think we're triggering the problematic light here Mero. What? Because he's multi-talented! That's what I meant when I called him the Chris Brown of MMA. He has a variety of skills. Mero, you had our Yakubian audience very concerned there for a second and you know what I think they're still a little offended. This is why we get in trouble. White people watch the show and they don't appreciate Chris Brown as the sensual dancer and amazing singer that he truly is. They only know him for doing his Duane Ludwig thing with Rihanna. But for real though who is the Chris Brown of MMA? Who isn't? You're smacked. But for real though imagine Travis Brown with half the footwork of Chris Brown. He would have shut the division down. You're completely smacked bruh. Is this for one of the real belts or one of those interim titles you find on canal street? I think it's a real one. Aight dope. When are they flooding that thing? There is a lot of real estate on that thing with no bling. They need to take that belt apart and drill diamonds in everywhere. Tyron Woodley talks about how they don't promote to an African-American fanbase, nothing more evident of that than they got a plain Jane belt. The WWE made John Cena's belt a spinning rim and he's got billboards up in sub saharan Africa. Facts. Deadass facts. They need to take that belt to Johnny Dang. Valentina Schevchenko vs. Jessica Eye (Women's Flyweight Title Fight) Valentina “Bullet” Schevchenko! Pow Pow Buh Buh Buh Brrraah pchew pchew bang bang bang grrrrrrt duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh gratata Valentina is the Women's Flyweight champion. She almost beat Nunes to be real. That was a close decision. Now she moved down. Big Fish in a small pond. Real small pond. B, there is no diving allowed in that pond. Women's 125 bathtub shallow. loving bird bath shallow. No cap, there's girls from other weightclasses on there. There's ring girls on that rankings list. Karyn Bryant is on there. By the way Karyn Bryant is loving 50 years old ok, and I bet her poom poom still probably tasting like Dole fruit cup water. Is Jessica Eye any good? She's a fighter. Word. She has been around a long time. Like, remember when Dana was like, you aren't ever going to see a female fighter in the UFC? Yeah? Well, Jessica ain't the reason that changed but she was fighting back in those days, so props. And she's coming off a 3 fight win streak! drat ok Mero. Val is coming into this fight anywhere between a -1000 and -1500 favorite here. So like, what do they do with Jessica Eye after this fight? Like what do they do with the body? Yeah. What does Dana White do with the body? poo poo I'm sure he's thrown out dead bodies before. You know that movie with Jeremy Piven? Very Bad Things? I bet him and the Fertitas doing that poo poo each weekend. Truth- you know they're even watching the UFC in that one scene! And that poo poo takes place in Vegas. That's biographical. It was a documentary and you had no idea. Do we know anyone at WME IMG? We might start getting calls. Are we getting in trouble for this? Are we going to get canceled for possibly insinuating that a man with a billion dollars is out here disposing of bodies? Nah gently caress it. I'm going with it. Anything else to say about Dana White? You know what, a lot of people don't know this but Dana White was a general for the confederacy in the Civil War. Big time facts. 100. He was decorated. How many medals? He was dripping. Tony “El Cucuy” Ferguson vs. Donald “Dad” Cerrone I can't make jokes about Tony because I feel like I've hosed with some girls who thought there were people living in their house. I've met some girls who's house was haunted. Word. Every chick believes in ghosts. Yeah like one time I was dating this one girl, well like “dating” this one girl, who had a aunt who died, and thought she was in the house and was watching everything we did. Did you smash? While Auntie was watching? You give Titi a show? Hell yeah I heard the Auntie died of some cancer so I figured she deserved to get a show to watch. That's a tragic way to end so I figured I'm gonna do what I can to entertain her. Word, that's it my G. Anyway, Tony Ferguson is fighting Donald Cerrone aka Cowboy aka Dad Cerrone aka Danger. Have we found out Donald Cerrone is racist yet? I feel like that must have happened right? No, I'm pretty sure he's just CTE'd. Is it offensive to call someone CTE'd? Is that like calling someone the R word? What's the woke thing to do about CTE? I think that in order to awaken yourself, and open your third eye to understanding, you need to watch that entire Will Smith movie where he's that African doctor. Word. And you can't be smacked at all, you gotta be stone cold sober, and also you need to get through the whole thing without doing an impersonation of him once. That's woke. Tell da truth Tell dee truth Tel dee troof Tell dee troofth It's the same poo poo though right? What? Being CTE'd and being ~mentally handicapped~? Yeah like, if Gary Goodridge went back to his high school, for the last game of the basketball team's season, last minute of the last game, they sub him in and the other team lets him take a shot. You cheer right? I'd cheer if his shot went in. Same thing, my G. True. Jimmie “El Terror” Rivera vs. Petr “No Mercy” Yan Jimmie hasn't been doing that hot. He is 1-2 in the last 3. He's on Moraes' highlight reel and he recently lost via decision to Aljamain Sterling, once and for all proving the superiority of the Asiatic race. Facts. Big time facts. They can't hide the truth any more. And then on the other side you got Petr Yan. Petr Yan came in here, hosed up Ishihara. Been on a streak ever since. Some good striking. One of 500 million mixed martial artists from Russia. For real, they have moved on from a soviet communist economy, into a capitalist economy, and then into a mixed martial artist economy. All their leaders just pay fighters. That's how politics work over there B. You just gotta get as many fighters as possible. That's how they elect dudes. They made Pokemon real. Word, Kadyrov got the stacked pokedex. poo poo is so full it doesn't even close all the way. I've seen him, and I'm pretty sure all Petr Yan can say is his own name just like a Pokemon. I think that checks out. I believe this theory. Tai “Bam Bam” Tuivasa vs. Blagoy Ivanov Tai Tuivasa is coming off a loss to JDS. And is also coming off of drinking beer out of a shoe. No way I'm drinking out of any shoe. Absolutely not. The Caucasian race has gone too far. This is gonna be Jordan Peele's next film. Yakubians pouring cheap beer into kicks. I'm not getting my Air Force Ones soggy. YOU SAW US ON THAT SNEAKER SHOW THAT COMPLEX PRODUCES! They ring your rear end up at the end of the episode, my G. I'm not letting some thousand dollar sneakers get wet and moldy. Remember that twitter thread where we found out white people don't wash their feet? Remember that? I bet you their shoes impart flavors of oak aged bourbon barrels and hibiscus on that Foster's in there. I bet. Blagoy Ivanov's last fight was a decision against Ben Rothwell. What did the judges decide? They decided that those two men should keep their shirts on in public from now on. 8:00 EST - Prelims (ESPN): Tatiana Suarez vs. Nina Ansaroff Aljamain Sterling vs. Pedro Munhoz Karolina kowalkiewicz vs. Alexa Grasso 6:15 EST - Early Prelims (Fight Pass): Yan Xiaonan vs. Angela Hill Bevon Lewis vs. Darren Stewart Eddie Wineland vs. Grigory Popov MMA Snack rating: A pack of Black and Milds, a bag of BBQ chips, and a Colt 45   
Stealth Tiger fucked around with this message at 17:49 on Jun 8, 2019 |
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Jun 8, 2019 17:04
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So on the buisness side of this the winner of cerrone Ferguson gets the winner of khabib/ porrier correct?
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Jun 8, 2019 17:14
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What time does this start?
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Jun 8, 2019 17:21
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b x all day
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Jun 8, 2019 17:21
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YERRRRRRRRR even got the AKAs in MMA flavor. This OP is 
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Jun 8, 2019 17:30
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Mr. Nice! posted:What time does this start? I edited in the times
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Jun 8, 2019 17:50
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someone buy it for me
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Jun 8, 2019 18:33
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Waroduce posted:So on the buisness side of this the winner of cerrone Ferguson gets the winner of khabib/ porrier correct? Assuming Cowboy wins, it might depend on whether he decides to take a second fight that night against whoever’s available
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Jun 8, 2019 18:35
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Stealth Tiger posted:I edited in the times Tyvm
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Jun 8, 2019 18:48
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Jojo starts the prelim card
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Jun 8, 2019 20:56
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Waroduce posted:So on the buisness side of this the winner of cerrone Ferguson gets the winner of khabib/ porrier correct? Dana was asked this and said maybe, which I think is partially due to Tony's uncertain state (though he's probably fine) and partially due to Khabib's GSP clause in his new contract.
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Jun 8, 2019 21:33
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That op  Mods change my name to Xan Henderson tia
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Jun 8, 2019 21:37
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Brut posted:Dana was asked this and said maybe, which I think is partially due to Tony's uncertain state (though he's probably fine) and partially due to Khabib's GSP clause in his new contract. It’s Conor.
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Jun 8, 2019 21:43
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tesilential posted:It’s Conor. On top of previous reasons for that fight not to be repeated, I believe Conor's hand is still very much broken.
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Jun 8, 2019 21:58
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 Got pretty drat good seats I think for the punch sports tonight. Can't wait
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Jun 8, 2019 22:53
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Digital Jedi posted:
I love how goons always are among the 6 people who are there for the first fight of the night. (myself included).
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Jun 8, 2019 22:58
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Oh yea if I pay for a ticket you best believe I'm going to be there for every single fight. I've gone to 5 cards and haven't missed a single fight.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:06
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Not sure if anyone's interested, but I have a little $ in my betting account, and I'm letting the first 2 people that message me on SA can make my picks for me. I can't pay you out or anything, but this is just for fun. Gonna make each bet $8 (big whoop), and it can be a parlay of multiple picks (like if you wanted to pick a winner in the last 3 matches or something like that). You can pick a person to straight our win, OR you can pick which round that person will win in, OR you can pick the method of victory (KO/TKO/DQ, OR Points/Tech dec. OR Submission). I made a parlay of my own already (Cerrone win, Schevchenko win, Moraes win) so people can laugh at me when Tony win, and kills my parlay. Might be fun for someone to make some picks and follow along.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:12
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I love those single-camera shot transitions they do now from Megan in the hallway to the fighter walking in.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:24
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Why is a no 2 vs no 6 ranked fighter opening the fight pass prelims?
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Jun 8, 2019 23:26
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Fentry posted:Why is a no 2 vs no 6 ranked fighter opening the fight pass prelims? because its in the womens flyweight division and theres like 10 active ladies total
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Jun 8, 2019 23:30
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Also so we can hear Chooochkaagiaaan's inspiring kiais.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:32
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Digital Jedi posted:Oh yea if I pay for a ticket you best believe I'm going to be there for every single fight. I've gone to 5 cards and haven't missed a single fight. Also while the arena is so quiet yell ROIDTECH or something as loud as you can and I'll tell you if I can hear it.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:35
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"Katlyn you need this round Katlyn" last thing she gets told as she gets off the stool. Wonder if her face explodes.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:40
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Another great performance from *checks notes*
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Jun 8, 2019 23:43
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Both girls pretty banged up after that one. Could go either way.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:44
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And the crowd goes boo cause Yea booo! Think Jojo won that.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:46
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Kiais should receive a warning from the ref.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:46
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i think it was clear that Jojo won
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Jun 8, 2019 23:46
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lol who gave Chookagian all 3 rounds?  e: lol she called for a title shot after that
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Jun 8, 2019 23:47
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Does Jon Anik not know what a split decision is? edit: lmao he had to retract it after
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Jun 8, 2019 23:47
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Kragger99 posted:Not sure if anyone's interested, but I have a little $ in my betting account, and I'm letting the first 2 people that message me on SA can make my picks for me. I'll take some money
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Jun 8, 2019 23:47
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like how da FUK is that first round not Jojo's
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Jun 8, 2019 23:47
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Are you guys getting Popov's walkout on ESPN+? His music is amazing
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Jun 8, 2019 23:50
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Brut posted:Are you guys getting Popov's walkout on ESPN+? His music is amazing Oh it was something speicla live let me tell you.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:52
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Eddie is aggressive and looks fairly sharp, but I still worry about his near-total lack of striking defense.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:55
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I like Wineland but I find myself cheering for the Siberian gogoplata guy to do something cool and win
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Jun 8, 2019 23:56
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Fun fact: Wineland doesn't like to wrap his hands and so he puts the minimum amount of gauze and tape on to keep the ACs from hassling him.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:57
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Store brand Cub vs Superboy going on. Shasta to their Coke.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:58
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Wineland's footwork is a little busier than I remember, but he still freezes in the pocket.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:58
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