Calvinball Mafia

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > The Game Room > Calvinball Mafia

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merk: May 20, 2003; ##interact

Eight Dollars posted:

##create rule: Jurors who don't vote on guilty/not guilty are sent to the Ishmael Zone

Success.

# ? Jul 17, 2014 23:50

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 08:15

Snooze Cruise: Feb 16, 2013; hey look,
a post

merk posted:

Counsel, the court is most displeased that you seek to tarnish its name by dragging me, your honourable judge with honor, through the proverbial mud. Your charades speak to your character: low. Your words speak to your own integrity: none. Your breath sours the room with its stinking fog of lies.

I would hold you in contempt, throw you in the jail cell where you belong, but I want to see what your jurors think of these actions.

Jury, I give you these instructions:

There are two ways in which a person may be convicted of first degree murder. One is known as premeditated murder and the other is known as felony murder.

To prove the crime of First Degree Premeditated Murder, the prosecutor must prove the following three elements beyond a reasonable doubt:

1. Opopanax is dead.

2. The death was caused by the criminal act of KhyrosFinalCut.

3. There was a premeditated killing of Opopanax.

Definitions.
An “act” includes a series of related actions arising from and performed pursuant to a single design or purpose.

“Killing with premeditation” is killing after consciously deciding to do so. The decision must be present in the mind at the time of the killing. The law does not fix the exact period of time that must pass between the formation of the premeditated intent to kill and the killing. The period of time must be long enough to allow reflection by the defendant. The premeditated intent to kill must be formed before the killing.

The question of premeditation is a question of fact to be determined by you from the evidence. It will be sufficient proof of premeditation if the circumstances of the killing and the conduct of the accused convince you beyond a reasonable doubt of the existence of premeditation at the time of the killing.

If you have a reasonable doubt about whether the defendant acted with a premeditated design to kill because he, for example, acted in the heat of passion based on adequate provocation, you should not find him guilty of First Degree Premeditated Murder.

If, on the other hand, you want to watch the world burn, pick up this Cowabungaball on the ground, throw it at counsel to send him to the Ishmael Zone, and watch as he burns before all of us in a lake filled with this court's fire of justice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vF1JBfmnUGs
http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=7425377

# ? Jul 17, 2014 23:57

merk: May 20, 2003; ##interact

Aiyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

merk is thrown into the Ishmael Zone.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 00:01

Hal Incandenza: Feb 12, 2004

##enter whaling zone let's do this

# ? Jul 18, 2014 01:58

Juanito: Jan 20, 2004; I wasn't paying attention
to what you just said.

Can you repeat yourself
in a more interesting way?; Hell Gem

##Juanito doesn't know what's happening, so he blows on his kazoo some more

# ? Jul 18, 2014 02:02

Ixtlilton: Mar 10, 2012; How to Draw
by Rube Goldberg

##enter whaling zone

# ? Jul 18, 2014 03:26

merk: May 20, 2003; ##interact

We have a hung jury. 2 GUILTY; 2 NOT GUILTY. The next vote to come in (who hasn't voted yet) decides the trial.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 05:27

Opopanax: Aug 8, 2007; I HEX YE!!!

Makes sense, you've got a hung victim too :smug:

# ? Jul 18, 2014 12:55

merk: May 20, 2003; ##interact

[~~~----a radio whirs to life------~~~]

ORDER ORDER

This is Judge merk from the Ishmael Zone. The verdict has been decided. Mr. foreman, please approach and state the decision.

A young pawnbroker approaches the bench. He seems nervous to speak but confident in whatever justice he is about to serve.

"He's Not Guilty, your Honor. The defense was just too good. We had lots of doubt, not just reasonable doubt."

So you say. Mr. KFC, you have been found innocent by a jury of your peers. By the power vested in me by the State of Utah, all persons in the Ishmael Zone must now be killed. Bailiff, please exert this judgment immediately.

Confused, Hal Incandenza leaves the court room and proceeds to the Ishmael Zone to see the judge in person. Time in the Ishmael Zone has been rough on the old judge - his limbs seem to bobble like rubber and his face is wet with a recent cry. Maybe he knows what he just sentenced from the radio and maybe he doesn't. Either way, he's a changed man alone here as a player in a zone when he was once a god.

"Hello, Ishmael," Hal says. The expression on the judge's face does not change at all as he sees Hal wind up the Cowabunga ball and throw it straight at his face, squarely hitting him between the eyes.

merk, Moderator has been killed.

Hal then heads to the Whaling Zone, for he has a journey ahead of him. Everyone is there and getting ready to take the ship out and see whether fruits of the sea will come to them in this voyage. Some of the crewmen are veterans at the trade, having a tough whale voyage behind them and many whale points secured in their purses. Some of the crewmen are new, with this voyage being the first time they've been out to sea.

Whispers among the ship tell tales of sirens along the set path. "Why are we choosing to go so close to them? We don't know what they're capable of doing to us." A reasonable question from a young crewman. But they set sail anyway, a perfect wind at their backs, their hearts ready for wonder.

With the rest of the population of Calvinball out at sea, mr.capps sees an opportunity. He's the only man left. This is his one true chance to sit atop the throne and rule the land of Calvinball in his own image. The reign of mr.capps the Terrible begins immediately.

merk fucked around with this message at 15:01 on Jul 18, 2014

# ? Jul 18, 2014 14:44

merk: May 20, 2003; ##interact

Even with perfect whaling weather, a somewhat experienced crew, and a map to guide them along the way, the whaling voyage never makes it all the way around the sea and back. Instead, they stop on a native island with shops, great food, and great people. That island quickly becomes their new home and talks of sailing back to the horrors awaiting them in Calvinball quick dissipate.

A century passes back at home. mr.capps, now a god, sits on his throne alone exerting his judgment over all of the zones of Calvinball. Mad with power, he creates so many zones and so many rules that even he can't keep them all straight. Travelers that happen to step foot into the land of Calvinball are quickly thrown into the Prison Zone, some without food, water, or even a conversation about why they're there for years on end.

No one complains though... because no one will try to subvert a god.

How long will he last?

mr.capps wins a solo victory.... or is it?

# ? Jul 18, 2014 14:47

Poque: Sep 11, 2003; =^-^=

wait what happened?

# ? Jul 18, 2014 14:53

merk: May 20, 2003; ##interact

capps put me in the Ishmael Zone. A Not Guilty verdict would kill everyone in the Ishmael Zone. Not Guilty won, so Hal, the bailiff, came to kill me in the Ishmael Zone. The rest of the game absconded in the whaling voyage. capps remained.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:01

Eight Dollars: Nov 14, 2012; Pretty pictures in small frames

Poque posted:

2014 GOTY Nominee

Who were all the scum/anarchists then?

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:07

merk: May 20, 2003; ##interact

Alignment kind of stopped mattering I think.

Scum: Fry, capps, Eight Dollars
Anarchist: Ixtilton

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:24

CapitalistPig: Nov 3, 2005; A Winner is you!

This is the only mafia game that I read in its entirety.
Excellent job, it was a great read.

Fry jumping off the bridge was fantastic.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:25

merk: May 20, 2003; ##interact

I didn't even tell the scum team who else was scum.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:26

Poque: Sep 11, 2003; =^-^=

CapitalistPig posted:

This is the only mafia game that I read in its entirety.

I love this quote

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:28

Eight Dollars: Nov 14, 2012; Pretty pictures in small frames

merk posted:

Alignment kind of stopped mattering I think.

Scum: Fry, capps, Eight Dollars
Anarchist: Ixtilton

Best scumteam hell yeah.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:28

Eight Dollars: Nov 14, 2012; Pretty pictures in small frames

Seriously though merk thanks for running this game. Probably the most fun I've had playing/reading mafia in forever.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:38

merk: May 20, 2003; ##interact

I wasn't going to end it, but then I found that Phoenix Wright / God picture and, well, that was it.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:51

KhyrosFinalCut: Dec 16, 2004; Get it?

I actually would've started going after 8bux the next day if it mattered. Capps did great. I had ixtillion pegged early.

I'm a little bummed I didn't get to play mafia but this was fun too, thanks merk!

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:53

Juanito: Jan 20, 2004; I wasn't paying attention
to what you just said.

Can you repeat yourself
in a more interesting way?; Hell Gem

I thought I was in the Band Zone playing the kazoo.

But I would have :emo:

pretty quick if it were just me and capps.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:54

merk: May 20, 2003; ##interact

You guys could've played mafia but... it just didn't happen like that.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:56

Juanito: Jan 20, 2004; I wasn't paying attention
to what you just said.

Can you repeat yourself
in a more interesting way?; Hell Gem

merk, hilarious game, good job modding.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 15:57

CapitalistPig: Nov 3, 2005; A Winner is you!

I eagerly await calvinball 2

# ? Jul 18, 2014 16:17

Grandicap: Feb 8, 2006

I am sad I died.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 16:34

Philip J. Fry: Jan 3, 2009; What smells like blue?

CapitalistPig posted:

Fry jumping off the bridge was fantastic.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 16:37

Juanito: Jan 20, 2004; I wasn't paying attention
to what you just said.

Can you repeat yourself
in a more interesting way?; Hell Gem

I almost jumped off the bridge right behind you. I thought it was pretty funny.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 16:45

Snooze Cruise: Feb 16, 2013; hey look,
a post

merk its impossible to overstate how good this mafia game was. You did a great job running it and it was fun to play in.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 18:32

Hal Incandenza: Feb 12, 2004

I wouldn't even call this Mafia, but this was the best game I was ever in.

Thanks merk, The Greatest Mafia Moderator!

# ? Jul 18, 2014 18:35

Poque: Sep 11, 2003; =^-^=

Hal Incandenza posted:

I wouldn't even call this Mafia, but this was the best game I was ever in.

that is very high praise.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 18:41

Opopanax: Aug 8, 2007; I HEX YE!!!

Jesus Christ, I have a problem

# ? Jul 18, 2014 19:48

Eight Dollars: Nov 14, 2012; Pretty pictures in small frames

Opopanax posted:

Jesus Christ, I have a problem

Would it help to tell you that you have also run the most games out of everyone on votefinder - over twice as many as #4 on that list?

# ? Jul 18, 2014 19:55

Grandicap: Feb 8, 2006

Woohoo, still in the top 5.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 19:59

Hal Incandenza: Feb 12, 2004

Definitely time for me to retire to a comfortable life of modding.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 20:07

Opopanax: Aug 8, 2007; I HEX YE!!!

Eight Dollars posted:

Would it help to tell you that you have also run the most games out of everyone on votefinder - over twice as many as #4 on that list?

That's a point of pride, you parasites.

Also lol at winny being number 3 after all this time, now he had a problem

# ? Jul 18, 2014 20:13

Hal Incandenza: Feb 12, 2004

Opopanax posted:

That's a point of pride, you parasites.

Also lol at winny being number 3 after all this time, now he had a problem

That's what I was thinking! I'm like man he hasn't really played at all in over a year, that's crazy.

# ? Jul 18, 2014 20:19

Quidthulhu: Dec 17, 2003; Stand down, men! It's only smooching!

Haha holy poo poo this was amazing. How do we nominate threads for the front page?

# ? Jul 19, 2014 00:40

Ixtlilton: Mar 10, 2012; How to Draw
by Rube Goldberg

Good game everybody, that was amazing.

# ? Jul 19, 2014 02:18

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 08:15

Philip J. Fry: Jan 3, 2009; What smells like blue?

Juanito posted:

I thought I was in the Band Zone playing the kazoo.

But I would have pretty quick if it were just me and capps.

I just re Read a bunch of this abs I discovered that you actually skills have died when KFC (didn't) kill opop. Check it out:

quote="Opopanax" post="432128090"]
##rule tie my life force to juanito's. If one of dies or if the bond is broken, we both die.
[/quote]

# ? Jul 19, 2014 03:32

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > The Game Room > Calvinball Mafia

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