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Officer: We got a cause of death on the stiff? Mortician: This is only a preliminary reading, but it looks like he tried to eat a single cornflake, and the sharp edges of the flake cut up the inside of his throat so he choked to death on his own blood, and with his last moment of consciousness he dragged himself towards his computer keyboard and pressed the scroll lock key aka the worst keyboard key
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# ? Jun 11, 2024 13:40 |
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What if you took a bullet for the president, but you lived, but you suffered from anxiety and panic attacks and when you were up on stage and the president was presenting you with the medal of honor, you freaked out and had a heart attack and died right there?
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Glass Bottom Boat posted:died posting on this forum "lmao were they reading a bunch of stuff in comic sans?" "mhmm. and what's up with that color scheme?" "I dunno it's pretty chill." "chyeah." |
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no they will not posted:Officer: We got a cause of death on the stiff? |
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everybody dies imo
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no they will not posted:Officer: We got a cause of death on the stiff? hahaha
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Macnult posted:"lmao were they reading a bunch of stuff in comic sans?"
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Well chief from what I can tell he appears to have suffered a stroke while straining to twist open a bottle of low-cal Caesar dressing. I'm not even sure why he was going to all the trouble, as the bottle was a plastic squeezer that flips open. Stranger still, there are no vegetables of any kind in this house, so we have no leads on what he was planning to use the dressing for.
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- So where was the body? - Uhh, in the walk-in freezer. - How ironic, looks like the chef got ch... - No wait, I had the map upside down. It was in the bathroom. YEAAAAAHHH |
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"he died as he lived, patheticly." |
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He died as he lived... choking on a pretzel |
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He died as he lived...... a disappointment to his parents
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Hahaha. "If." |
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He died as he died. In the moment |
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he died as he died: dead
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what if you abruptly died while you were in the middle of dying? Like you were having a heart attack and right in your last second of life you fell down and broke your neck and that killed you before the heart attack did. And also you had terminal cancer that was gonna kill you any day now. And also you were gonna die of old age eventually, anyways. And the sun was eventually gonna explode so you were dying of that too.
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he died with his life flashing before his eyes: his life flashing before his eyes |
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he died as he lived, 25 years old |
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knew an important professor who died eating pizza at a pizza hut |
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irokia posted:knew an important professor who died eating pizza at a pizza hut this thread is for people dying to mediocre stuff not awesome stuff like eating pizza |
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at a pizza hut though, so not so awesome. The only thing worse would be dying in a little caesar's
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i hope he had the sausage crust |
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...are you making that up?
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dying while eating a salad at pizza hut would be pretty mediocre but there are literally no salads in their menu's salad section so Dying at pizza hut while covertly eating a salad you smuggled in via tupperware |
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I once got hit by a car while crossing the Pizza Hut parking lot. I didn't die though, which was lucky |
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died while working on a car that I started working on several centuries ago |
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Died while just hanging out with hoodlums what a mediocre way to go Jesus :/ |
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imagine, if you will, amassing a great merchant fleet and propelling yourself from the slums to a wealthy and powerful position you live in constant fear that some backstabbing charlatan will come take it from you but you hold on and push through the stress and responsibility because your name will mean something you donate huge sums in hopes that they build statues of you and name bathhouses in your honor many sleepless nights are filled with the grim understanding that one day your name will be uttered for the very last time you devote your life to greatness, however it may come suddenly, a rumbling, then blackness. two thousand years later, a second-year archaeology major on an internship-trip to italy uncovers your charred face "lol bill check this dude out he's picking his nose"
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Dying at work is a scary thought, especially if its at a job you hate. Finish ringing up some horrible customers, get a heart attack and die on the way to the break room. |
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Dying while watching the game of thrones with that "shame, shame" scene ![]() |
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died from being too horny in a barrel |
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Swimming upstream, caught by a bear |
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I have the coolest death ever lined up but I worry that I might accidentally die eating some yogurt on the way there.
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if you need any help with your cool death let me know
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MrWillsauce posted:if you need any help with your cool death let me know Thanks though I think I have this sorted. Though now that I think about it I could use a body guard to make sure I get there intact.
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alright I'm happy to help. what's the plan?
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MrWillsauce posted:alright I'm happy to help. what's the plan? I'll contact you when the time comes.
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I thought an assassin was waving at me so I bit down on a cyanide pill but it turned out he was waving at the person behind me |
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no they will not posted:I thought an assassin was waving at me so I bit down on a cyanide pill but it turned out he was waving at the person behind me |
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# ? Jun 11, 2024 13:40 |
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I was captured and they were gonna torture me for information so I broke the tooth with the cyanide capsule in it, and just as I did, all of the kidnappers pulled off their masks and said "SURPRISE!!!" and it was my friends for the CIA all along. They all remembered it was my birthday today, and I was so touched. And then I foamed at the mouth and died. How embarrassing.
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