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Debbie Does Dagon
Jul 8, 2005



Sono posted:

8. The Ghost (1963) - Youtube

After giving up on Amazon, I googled something along the lines of "youtube full horror movies." First on a playlist of older films was The Ghost. Featuring Barbara Steele and a guy who sounds a lot like Vincent Price, it's a bit of a repeat for me. Director Riccardo Freda, aka Robert Hampton, was discussed in a recent issue of Darkside Magazine as a questionable grandfather of giallo - that is, did he do the work or did he let Bava do it for him?

It reminds me a lot of one of my Hammer favorites, Taste of Fear, although the climax proceeds in the exact opposite direction regarding the "dead" character being dead or not. 4/5



Watched so far:
1. The Unwelcoming House (Prime) - 3/5
2. The Unwelcoming House 2 (Prime) - 2/5
3. The Writer's Ghost (Prime) - 0/5
4. Dark Exorcism (Prime) - 5/5
5. The Ninth Configuration (Prime) - 3/5
6. The Exorcist III (Prime) - 5/5
7. The Prophecy (Prime) - 3/5
8. The Ghost (1963) (Youtube) - 4/5


If you're looking for a good YouTube channel for full horror movies, I've had some luck with this one

https://www.youtube.com/user/ExpozaFilm

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Gripweed
Nov 8, 2018

#2 The Crazies



I watched the remake last year and two of my biggest complaints were that after the first half hour all the crazies did was try to kill people with guns, and there was no crazies vs troops fights. The original certianly did not have those issues. Love the lady sweeping up after battle.

What surprised me was how much of the movie was from the military perspective. Because this is a very different movie from the remake, it's primarily about military incompetence. The whole film just drips with contempt not just for the military as an institution, but especially the individual soldiers. Which is fantastic. None of that respect the troops bullshit. gently caress the troops. The troops are the ones shooting the guns!

The Crazies is 100% built on that 70s bitter cynicism, with just the tiniest amount of humanity in a couple characters to make it not just totally misanthropic.

It's got some flaws. the biggest one being I didn't find our civilian group very compelling. They were fine, but the military stuff was a lot better. I wish it had just been about the military response. Like a pessimistic Shin Godzilla or a horror In The Loop.

But overall The Crazies is really good, classic Romero, political and cynical, a good horror time.

M_Sinistrari
Sep 5, 2008

Do you like scary movies?




18) The Strangler - 1964 - TubiTV

As much as I thought I'd sat through everything Victor Buono's been in, I apparently missed this one.

Storyline's roughly based off the Boston Strangler and despite a few minor flaws, is pretty good. Victor Buono and Ellen Corby really shine in this one. They take what could've easily been just a generic cash grab to capitalize on the headlines and elevate it to a film with punch.

Granted it is a product of it's times. An example is the killer's weight gets mentioned a lot when by today's standards he's on the high side of average, and everyone smokes everywhere even in hospitals.

I definitely recommend this one for a watch or two just to catch all the nuance.

Basebf555
Feb 29, 2008

The greatest sensual pleasure there is is to know the desires of another!

Fun Shoe
Best Victor Buono role is the premier episode of The Wild Wild West.

Debbie Does Dagon
Jul 8, 2005






10. The Shiver of the Vampires (BFI Player)

"When a honeymooning couple visit the crumbling estate of the bride's ancestors, they discover her closet is filled with more than skeletons: a sinister lesbian vampire, a pair of nubile handmaidens, and two vampire hunters who have been recruited into the ranks of the undead."

After The Living Dead Girl, I was dreading another boring Jean Rollin film. While it's made quickly apparent that this film exists because Rollin had access to a chateau and just wanted to shoot a nudy flick, I actually quick liked this one.

The film is full of beautifully framed gothic shots, and the ideas and themes really come alive whenever one of the vampire characters is on screen. There are a couple of nice surreal moments, like whenever the Isolde character appears into the scene through a clock, or chimney stack. It sort of feels like if Manos: The Hands of Fate was shot and paced competently. Unfortunately the hero of the film is the milquetoast hetero guy, and not the badass lesbian vampire, but we can't have everything I guess. For once though I can see why some people dig Rollin's work.



11. Evolution (BFI Player)

Evolution tells the story of a Nicolas, one of many boys who live in a coastal village managed entirely but women. The women seem to be covertly prepping they boys with a stringent medical regime, readying them for something mysterious, unfathomable, archaic, and Lovecraftian.

The photography, framing, and soundscape of the film are really captivating. I could almost smell the salty sea air during the coastal scenes. The obvious reference with the women would be something like Dagon, but at times they reminded me of Dracula's brides in Coppola's Dracula, but very emotionally muted. Other parts of the film reminded me of Eraserhead, Caravaggio's paintings, and even Nekromantik 2. Tonally the film is sort of a cross between Cronenberg's Spider and The Devil's Backbone.

I think one reason so many connections jumped out at me, is that the film really doesn't give a lot away. It's definitely an arty slowburn that invites comparison, and contemplation. What is shown though is very subtly distressing, or perhaps high key distressing if you don't like hospitals or child endangerment.

STAC Goat
Mar 12, 2008

Watching you sleep.

Butt first, let's
check the feeds.

The last of my March Kanopy random rentals.


4. Rabid (1977)
Watched on Kanopy, also available on Mubi and Darkmatter.

A woman suffers a horrific accident and gets some experimental plastic surgery which somehow gives her a blood lust and begins to spread a new strain of rabies via… a penis stinger in her armpit? Cronenberg is a weird dude.

Meh. I didn’t dislike it. I can’t say I loved it or anything. Simple enough story that’s a pretty much by the numbers infection/zombie spread film although it walks a weird middle ground never fully diving into the “infection” and breakdown thing but also not really going deep into the personal story of Patient Zero. We just kind of get a bit of both and I think neither every really fully delivers. But neither is bad either. The human patient side of it was decent and reasonably well down from both the lead and her boyfriend who oddly never interacts with her until the end of the film (which again, kinda speaks to the unevenness I think). The infection spread is similarly decently done as we watch it build up and get our share of gnarly scenes. Jesus, the baby thing was hosed up. But it never really goes full bore with it, which is fine but again just ended up feel like a sorta unfinished thing. Its like 2/3rds of 2 good films makes 1 uneven decent film? I dunno. To be honest if it wasn’t for The Fly I’d say I’m not into Cronenberg but I might throw another of his movies onto the list this month and see what I think.

Apparently Marilyn Chambers was a “classic” porn star. I mention this not out of judgment or derision. I don’t care that she was and I think she did a fine job. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to act just because you did some porn. I mention it just because of that whole penis armpit stinger thing. In the conversation of “horny horror directors” Cronenberg’s gotta be up there.

Really I’m just trying to pad this out because I just don’t have much to say about this one.


Why the next one?

Shrecknet posted:



Everyone needs to watch Prom Night 2 before voting.
Let it never be said that I ain't open.


5. Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)
Watched on Shudder, also available on hoopla, Prime, Tubi, Vudu, Crackle, Pluto, and Popcorn.

In ’57 Prom Queen Mary Lou gets burned alive on stage after a prank gone awry, but 30 years later when Vicki finds her stuff she releases Mary Lou’s spirit who is fairly justifiably pissed and seeking revenge on whoever and haunting/possessing Vicki.

Apparently this is one of those movies that just got made on its own and then had the sequel label slapped on to sell it, which makes sense because I don’t think this could have less in common with Prom Night unless it just didn’t have a prom. I spent the first half of the film wondering where stuff was coming from and then I finally realized it was pulling them from all the biggest films on the previous decade. Carrie, Exorcist, Poltergeist, Nightmare on Elm Street. I can’t tell if its a sendup or a knockoff or both. Weirdy the only thing it doesn’t seem to take from is of course Prom Night. Either way its a bit of a mess and is all over the place. But I gather that’s the appeal. And it can be fun. I’m not sure its paced terribly well but there’s so much weird poo poo its hard to ever call it boring. I mean the demon horsie alone. And how often does the crazy religious mom who thinks her daughter is possessed get to be right?

I wasn’t really feeling it or thinking I was gonna come away satisfied and then that last 20 minutes happened. I don’t know if it was good or bad or both. It was just so bugshit insane I couldn’t help but enjoy it. I definitely see the appeal. And I liked the performances from the two lead ladies. I don’t know if I’m prepared to call it a good film but its certainly (mostly) a fun one and one worth seeing.

And yeah… I think I may go flip my vote.

M_Sinistrari
Sep 5, 2008

Do you like scary movies?




19) Daniel Isn't Real - 2020 - Shudder

I think I might have to give this one a second watch just because there's a lot to unpack here.

Storyline's a simple 'kid's imaginary friend situation goes wrong'. Probably from the volume of horror I watch, I had a fair chunk of the movie guessed out. With that said, I should've found this pretty 'meh', but there is absolutely nothing about this film is 'meh'.

The cast brings their 'A game' in full. There isn't a poor performance here. Cinematography's incredibly good. Effects are excellent and I really liked how they went with Daniel's real form. Only nitpick I have is I thought they went light on the 'could this be mental illness' route. What was presented didn't come across as convincing.

This film's a definite must watch.

Sarchasm
Apr 14, 2002

So that explains why he did not answer. He had no mouth to answer with. There is nothing left of him but his ears.


3. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1985) 2/5
An hour into the movie the characters emerge from a fog bank to see the Manhattan skyline rising above them and all I could think was, "Oh... Right." By that point I had given up and accepted this new reality where I was actually watching The One Where Jason's on a Boat. Anyway, Jason kills some people on a couple of cheap studio sets dressed up to look like a back alley in Hell's Kitchen and then the movie ends, it sucks.

Debbie Does Dagon
Jul 8, 2005





12. The Ninth Configuration (BFI player)

Is it a comedy with a heavy theme, or is it an intense psychological drama with some humour to take the edge off? As the film goes on it definitely becomes the latter. As for the theology, I found it a little too on the nose, a little too heavy handed. I found The Exorcist 3 to be a much more nuanced, and sharper exploration of faith. It's definitely an interesting movie though, and really goes in a direction that only Blatty treads with confidence.

"I worship life, you worship death."
-Alucarda



13. Fascination (BFI Player)

Buckle up for more Jean Rollin, some more artfully framed gothic Skinemax.

The film opens with some guy doing a deal for some gold, because reasons, and then running away for reasons, and hiding in a chateau because this is a Jean Rollin film. In the chateau he kidnaps two women, who pretty much instantly start making out with eachother, because of course they do, and so on, and so forth. Finally the film starts killing people, and teaches us the immortal lesson that you should never bring a knife to a scythe fight.

The cinematography isn't nearly as interesting as Shiver of the Vampires, but the costuming and set design go a long way in making up for that. There's an attractive intensity to the film, which makes me wish I enjoyed it more as just a trashy romp, but it's just kind of onenote. I do like Rollin's female characters when they get to flex their villainous muscles though, and the film gives plenty of those moments.

STAC Goat
Mar 12, 2008

Watching you sleep.

Butt first, let's
check the feeds.

Lets work another in before bed…


6. Mayhem (2017)
Watched on Shudder, also available on Shudder.

The “Red Eye” virus is an epidemic that causes people to lose control of their inhibitions and act in emotional extremes including murder, with the legal system deeming those under the influence as not being guilty of their actions. So when Derek (The Walking Dead’s Steven Yeon) is fired unjustly the same day his office is quarantined with the virus he and Melanie (The Babysitter’s Samara Weaving) decide to take the opportunity to slash and kill their way to the top for revenge.

So like I’m cool with Yeun and the premise/trailer of the movie intrigued me enough on its own. But if I’m being totally honest I’m here for Weaving. I absolutely loved her in The Babysitter and she has a fun little turn in Ash vs the Evil Dead and I’ve been wanting to see her go wild in another film and this looked perfect. I was not disappointed. Both Weaving and Yeun are maniacal, insane, violent delights throughout. I really do love Weaving and I just want the horror genre to cast her in every single movie that demands a crazy psychopath. Just keeping serving it up and I’ll keep enjoying it. You’ll get all the blood and violence and gore you want from this and basically a video game plot where you gotta climb up the levels and take down the mini bosses until you get to the big boss.

Maybe a little too cutesy stylish and there’s honestly not a ton of substance under it all. I could see some people not being into the McG esque vibe. But it really is just a big hack and slash blood fest and I had an absolute ton of fun.

And seriously, I love Weaving. I might be in love with Weaving. I just want to see her in everything just smiling and hurting people and smiling while hurting people and being evil and awesome and great and give her all the roles please.

bitterandtwisted
Sep 4, 2006





3: The Devil's Rejects

Oh hey, it's Michael Berryman. And Danny Trejo. Neat.
This is only the second Rob Zombie movie I've seen, House of 1000 Corpses being the first. He certainly has a distinct style - lot's of very funny moments in between some fuckin nasty poo poo. The main characters are horrible monsters, but the humour and Sid Haig's charisma meant I was enjoying their journey, if not actually rooting for them.
The Sheriff is just ok as a character. Maybe if he'd started out as more sympathetic and less of a rageaholic, his arc of becoming a sadistic monster himself would have been more compelling.
Zombie's an interesting, entertaining and different sort of movie maker.

Seen: 1) The Abominable Dr. Phibes; 2) Contagion; 3) The Devil's Rejects

M_Sinistrari
Sep 5, 2008

Do you like scary movies?




20) Some Kind of Hate - 2015 - TubiTV

When it comes to 'revenge against bullies' films, they're kinda limited with where to go. I will throw some points to this one for doing what they could with it. Overall, the film wasn't bad, actors were decent and the effects were pretty good. The script writers did a pretty decent job balancing out the characterizations. However with the volume of self-harm happening in the film, if that's something that skieves I would suggest skipping this one.

This would be an okay entry in a 'Revenge' marathon.


21) Lavalantula - 2015 - Crackle

I can't really call these sorts of films a guilty pleasure since I've been open about enjoying these dumb fun-tongue in cheek-don't take themselves seriously films.

Set in Hollywood, an earthquake unleashes lava spitting spiders and it's up to actor Colton West and his film crew to save the day. This film was everything I expected from it, and seeing a decent amount of the cast from the Police Academy films in it was a nice surprise. As I was looking for a poster image, I found there's a sequel to this one so I know what I'm going to have to sit through soon.

This film's a fine entry to a marathon with gems like Sharknado and Zombie Tidal Wave while having plenty of beer on hand.

Count Thrashula
Jun 1, 2003

Death is nothing compared to vindication.
Buglord
7. Creepshow (1982)

Another entry in my "embarrassed I haven't seen it" series. Could there be a more iconic matchup than George Romero, Stephen King, and Tom Savini? Really, I can't say anything bad about Creepshow. All of the shorts were good, the wraparound story was good. Everyone should see this.
5/5

Watched so far: 1. Zombie (1979) / 2. Frankenstein (1931) / 3. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) / 4. Basket Case (1982) / 5. Carrie (1976) / 6. Audition (1999) / 7. Creepshow (1982)

Count Thrashula fucked around with this message at 16:34 on Apr 3, 2020

gey muckle mowser
Aug 5, 2003

Do you know anything about...
witches?



Buglord
Watched this too so I'm stealing the image:

2. Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)
Shudder

I was never a big fan of the original Prom Night so this had never really been on my radar, but after seeing some folks around here recommending it I decided to check it out. I'm glad I did, because it's super fun! It has virtually nothing in common with the first film, and is closer to something like Night of the Demons 1/2 or a goofy version of A Nightmare on Elm Street. And like STAC Goat said, it references Carrie and The Exorcist a lot, even though it's nothing like those films in terms of tone. Parts of the plot didn't really make sense to me, but there's so much fun stuff going on that I didn't care all that much. It has a lot of weird and wild sequences that are just a blast, with some solid effects work. Micheal Ironside is maybe a little wasted - he spends a good chunk of the film just kind of moping around, but he's given more to do towards the end. The rest of the cast is OK, no standouts but no one is particularly bad either.

If you like fun '80s cheese I definitely recommend this one.

Side note, the version on Shudder looks like a crappy VHS transfer, which would normally turn me off but it seems like the right way to experience a film like this for the first time.

4 demon rocking horses out of 5

Watched: 2 - Horse Girl | Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II

married but discreet
May 7, 2005


Taco Defender
2. Vampire Circus

(not pictured: Screenshots from the actual movie. This is much better and more in line with what I was hoping for).

I knew nothing about this except for the somewhat iconic picture of a vampire (?) lady in body paint and nothing else, and boy was I disappointed. Not only does the lady barely show up, the rest of it is pretty mediocre Hammer fare with very few highlights - creepy small person, panther puppet attack, decapitation by crossbow string, David Prowse. Definitely more fun in concept than execution.

Does this count as Hammer Dracula? Definitely another nail in the coffin for that series, Species all the way.

Watched: 1. Southbound, 2. Vampire Circus

Count Thrashula
Jun 1, 2003

Death is nothing compared to vindication.
Buglord
8. Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

There's not much redeeming about this one. The impaled effect near the end of the movie is the only reason I'm giving this 1 star, because that's pretty cool. But this was just gross to watch. Exploitative toward everyone who was a part of this - including indigenous peoples and animals. I can't say anything good about it. I only watched this to check it off my list.
1/5

Watched so far: 1. Zombie (1979) / 2. Frankenstein (1931) / 3. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) / 4. Basket Case (1982) / 5. Carrie (1976) / 6. Audition (1999) / 7. Creepshow (1982) / 8. Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

feedmyleg
Dec 25, 2004
1. Fright Night



What a goddamn delight. I caught it a few years ago and fell for it, but this was my first re-watch. However, this time around I do have to admit that it skates by on its charm a bit more than I remembered. The tone and style of the film is so fantastic, and the premise and setup are so wonderful, but the second half and some missed opportunities really threaten to let it down.

First and foremost is Roddy McDowall as Peter Vincent. I am completely in love with the idea of his character, but the execution leaves a ton to be desired. If they had actually been able to get Peter Cushing or Vincent Price for the role it could have been something incredible, but there just isn't enough to Peter Vincent to make him distinct or fun enough on screen, and McDowall feels really miscast. Then Chris Sarandon is a suave, seductive powerhouse who puts on a fantastic threatening and sexy performance—but only pre-makeup. His vampire makeup wasn't great and he didn't seem to be able to do much with it, which is a shame, as post-transformation he just kind of looks like a guy struggling to act through monster makeup. William Ragsdale as Charlie Brewster is cute, but he's not a particularly well-written character so he doesn't get much room to be interesting. But very cute. Stephen Geoffreys as Evil Ed makes some strange acting choices which should work but don't, because they just feel too forced. They also didn't quite know what to do with him in the narrative, as they sort of implied that he was this bullied picked on kid but we never saw it, and he wasn't more knowledgable than Charlie or Peter so he was just kind of there. Amanda Bearse knocks it out of the drat park across the board as Amy, though, easily the standout for me as the most rounded character with the best performance. I wish they'd given her more to do in the third act.

There are some great effects outside of Jerry's makeup, though. Evil Ed's makeup is a standout, and his tragic pathetic death is easily the best scene of the film from an emotional, narrative, and effects standpoint. The bat is rad, the melting of the manservant was cool as hell, and Amy's Oni-style vampire mouth is next-level. The music is great, the atmosphere is great, and the tone is ideal.

However, the film doesn't seem to know what to do with itself once everyone decides to go after Jerry. Despite having been so cool and confident the rest of the film, he seems to have absolutely no plan whatsoever once the kids get inside his house. Same with his manservant. They just walk around threateningly despite knowing that the heroes have crosses and it feels like we get the same beat over and over. Peter Vincent doesn't really do much, Amy gets sidelined, and Jerry falls apart when push comes to shove. It feels like there's some missed opportunity here when it comes to teenage girls owning their sexuality. It's certainly present, but it feels like they're pulling their punches. Made today I feel like they would double down on that.

Overall, perfect premise, good execution, a few missed opportunities.

8/10

feedmyleg fucked around with this message at 17:08 on Apr 3, 2020

Friends Are Evil
Oct 25, 2010

cats cats cats



3. Bacurau (2019)
Dir: Kleber Mendonça Filho and Juliano Dornelles



This one's probably a big leap because it's not really a horror movie, but I'm going to talk about it anyway because more people should see it. It's a Brazilian thriller/weird Western about a small village who have to defend themselves from a group of mercenaries who want them off their land. The directors clearly adore Carpenter and want you to know what influence he has on them, even going so far as to use one of the songs from his new albums and name a school after him. It's way more interesting than most Carpenter worship I've seen because it's not just an American guy rehashing what he's seen in other movies. The politics of this are really radical and interesting. A little uneven in spots, but the climax is super cathartic. If you like Assault on Precinct 13, you'll probably enjoy this. You should see it regardless because Kino Lorber's put up to stream for a reasonable price and they're donating half of the proceeds that come from this to a shockingly large array of indie theaters who can't operate right now. Look here for a specific theater

M_Sinistrari
Sep 5, 2008

Do you like scary movies?




22) The Messengers - 2007 - Crackle

Watching this, I'm reminded of the first and last time I had chipped beef on toast. I tasted it before seasoning, and the best description I have is it was aggressively bland. I add pepper, no change. I even add salt which I never do, no change. I break out the Cholula, no change. I get the sriracha, still no change. It's now gritty and pinkish from everything I've added and it's so aggressively bland it's practically a black hole for flavor.

This film is like that chipped beef, it's aggressively bland.

I remember the trailer having some interesting moments, but they're just watered down completely by the rest of the film. Granted, the storyline of family moves from big city to a farm where creepy stuff happens is fairly basic, but can still be good with some creativity and imagination. This wasn't even a 'meh' of a film, but more a cinematic shrug.

I would've been sour if I paid to see this, it's definitely skippable.



23) The Messengers 2: The Scarecrow - 2009 - Crackle

I seriously question the first film doing well enough to warrent a second.

This one's a prequel involving the family who'd become the ghosts in the first one. Here, they find a scarecrow that's more than it seems. While this film wasn't aggressively bland as the first, it really feels like it was a separate movie that they felt couldn't do well on its own so they changed some names to connect it to the first since only connection to the first is the family's name and it's on a farm.

Much like the first, skip this one. Your time's better spent watching other movies.

graventy
Jul 28, 2006

Fun Shoe
Hi! Please don't watch these!


4. Whispering Corridors 4: Voice (or Voice Letter), 2005
A high school singer is mysteriously killed, and returns as a ghost that only her best friend can hear. Can they discover how she dies before the singer disappears?

I’m starting to think this series isn’t very good!

Korean horror cinema has completely mastered the art of moving painfully slow. Despite having a bonkers plot that should be entertaining, it takes so long to get there and then is laid out in such a confusing manner that you aren’t even all that sure what happened.
1/5


5. Verotika, 2019
Three tales of the macabre from the twisted mind of one Glenn Danzig.

Wow. So, Danzig apparently has written some ~twisted~ horror comics, and then he decided that making a movie might be a good idea. A movie was not a good idea.

Each segment is the cast (mostly porn stars, I think) wrestling with terrible accents, filmed in an incredibly flat way that makes everything feel like a stage. The first segment features a woman who inexplicably has eyes for nipples , who accidentally creates a spider/man/demon that kills women whenever she sleeps. The second is about a scarred stripper who takes the faces of beautiful women to use in place of her own. But yet, she wears a mask while stripping, so… I don’t really know what the faces are for. The third segment is abysmal and is just a woman bathing in virgin (pronounced the way you pronounce gif not the peanut butter) blood. Awful.

I guess the practical effects were ok? But no. Don't watch this.
1/5

Franchescanado
Feb 23, 2013

If it wasn't for disappointment
I wouldn't have any appointment

Grimey Drawer



:siren: CineD Z-Fest Thread :siren:

Sono
Apr 9, 2008




Continuing along this Youtube list I found.

9. Shock (1977) - Youtube

I haven't seen this one in a while. Continuing a completely unintentional theme of possessed children, this at least has Bava's flair to it. 4/5

10. Wes Craven's Chiller (1985) - Youtube

Made for TV movie featuring a possessed (adult) child being investigating by Paul Sorvino after being resurrected from cryostasis without his soul intact. Basically answers the question "What would happen if you let Wes Craven direct Law & Order?" 3/5

11. The House by the Cemetery - Youtube

Fulci this time. Despite the knife through the back of the head right at the start of the film, Mae's presence early had me expecting something going in a ghostly direction rather than zombie. Very well done, and nicely combines the gorier elements of the Freudstein scenes with the more etheral scenes with Mae. 4/5

Watched so far:
1. The Unwelcoming House (Prime) - 3/5, 2. The Unwelcoming House 2 (Prime) - 2/5, 3. The Writer's Ghost (Prime) - 0/5, 4. Dark Exorcism (Prime) - 5/5, 5. The Ninth Configuration (Prime) - 3/5, 6. The Exorcist III (Prime) - 5/5, 7. The Prophecy (Prime) - 3/5, 8. The Ghost (1963) (Youtube) - 4/5, 9. Shock (Youtube) - 4/5, 10. Wes Craven's Chiller (Youtube) - 3/5, 11. The House by the Cemetery (Youtube) - 4/5,

Count Thrashula
Jun 1, 2003

Death is nothing compared to vindication.
Buglord
9. Daniel Isn't Real (2020)

Okay, so I broke my rule about just watching movies from the TSZDT list. What started as a pretty simple premise took some very interesting turns throughout the runtime of this movie. I really enjoyed it throughout, though it was amateurish and sloppy at times, especially near the end. I think they really swung for the fences with what they were trying to do, and I respect that.
3.5/5

Watched so far: 1. Zombie (1979) / 2. Frankenstein (1931) / 3. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) / 4. Basket Case (1982) / 5. Carrie (1976) / 6. Audition (1999) / 7. Creepshow (1982) / 8. Cannibal Holocaust (1980) / 9. Daniel Isn't Real (2020)

Sareini
Jun 7, 2010
Okay, let's do this. I was already using all this social distancing/lockdown/pretty much my regular day except it's quieter outside to catch up on films I should have watched some time ago, so this neatly ties in.

1. 3 From Hell (2019)



Ten years after the events of The Devil's Rejects, the remaining members of the Firefly clan break out from prison and head down to Mexico, where they kill more people.

It took 30 minutes in this movie before Otis Driftwood started to sexually assault someone, which I guess is something of an improvement. My biggest problem (apart from the inevitable redneck sexual assault moments that happen in every Rob Zombie film) was that I don't even think this film was necessary. The Devil's Rejects had such a fantastic ending, with the Freebird on the soundtrack and everything, and yet here we are now undoing all of that because either Rob Zombie couldn't leave the Fireflys well enough alone, or possibly, considering the opening scenes, he was harassed into making it by the fans who all think Otis and Baby are so cool.

Baby Firefly felt more like a middle-aged Harley Quinn for the most part; Otis meanwhile looks like he stopped aging some time ago (I think it's the beard); and new family member Foxy Coltraine is my new favourite, although that's mainly because he's played by Richard Brake, who was far and away the best part of Zombie's previous film, 31. The callback to one half of the Dirty Pair was amusing (although where was DDP?), although it probably says a lot that I thought that there was just a Mexican town that worshipped Danny Trejo at first and that wasn't the strangest thing I'd seen in the film.

Overall, I didn't hate the film, but it wasn't anywhere near as awe-inspiring as the previous film in the series, that love letter to 70s grindhouse and exploitation. It just... felt forced, and unnecessary somehow.

3 out of 5.

2. The Dead Don't Die (2019)



The dead start rising from the grave and three cops in the small town of Centerville have to deal with it.

When I had covid-19 (or its cousin, Guy Incovidnito) a couple of weeks ago, there were a few days when I just felt so exhausted that I could barely stay awake and/or upright for more than an hour or so at a time. Watching this film brought that feeling back to me. Seriously, it feels like the cinematic equivalent of dead weight, dragging itself to a conclusion that barely means anything. Oh, the idea of Peter Venkmann, Kylo Ren and The Ancient One fighting zombies is amusing enough at first, but so much of the cast react to everything with such little emotion that I started to suspect Craft Services was just several rows of Night Nurse, ready to be chugged. Everyone was clearly bringing their A-game, and I've got no complaints about that - except maybe Tilda Swinton's character, who just appeared to be several quirky character tropes in a blender and wasn't so much funny as she was bewildering - but everything else? It was dark, if I never hear that theme song again in my life it'll be too soon, and the "meta" were just blatant and unfunny.

In short, I was not a fan.

2 out of 5.

Watched so far: 3 From Hell (2019); The Dead Don't Die (2019)

married but discreet
May 7, 2005


Taco Defender
3. Verotika
Yeah this is not getting a screenshot.
It's clear within the first couple of minutes that a very stupid person wrote and directed this. Horror anthology that starts out with quite intense idiot energy, keeps some of it into the second short and then just ends in an absolute drag of a finale. It's so bad and pointless. I'd be mad but the first short made me laugh out loud several times so I think if you just watch that one and turn it off you're good.

Watched: 1. Southbound, 2. Vampire Circus, 3. Verotika

Gripweed
Nov 8, 2018

#3 Rabid



A lady gets turned into a vampire by skin grafts, accidentally unleashes a plague that turns people into zombie vampires.

Rabid is great! Good vampire movie, good epidemic movie, good medical horror, a dash of good body horror. Some of the acting isn't great. Especially the motorcyle guy, that dude is a goddamn plank of wood. But the chick is super hot and gets her tits out a lot, so I can't complain

Rabid's real good, if you're after a good epidemic movie or a unique vampire movie (I guarantee you Guillermo Del Toro saw Rabid) give it a try!

Franchescanado
Feb 23, 2013

If it wasn't for disappointment
I wouldn't have any appointment

Grimey Drawer
If anyone wants to knock out a few horror movies tonight and tomorrow morning:



Thread/ Stream Chat

Horror films:

Planet of the Vampires
Popcorn
Plan 9 From Outer Space
Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers
Matango
and Rockula?

STAC Goat
Mar 12, 2008

Watching you sleep.

Butt first, let's
check the feeds.


- (7). Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999)
Watched on IMDBtv, also available on hoopla, Tubi, and Pluto.

The Djinn is once again freed from his prison during a robbery gone wrong and gets sent to prison, does some work for the Russian mob, and then hangs out in Vegas because this is DTV and we’re only barely pretending to have reasons and story.

This is one of this films I don’t remember watching but I must have because I pretty distinctly recognized stuff in it like the Djinn’s spiooge wall birth monstrosity or someone… um… loving himself. Its that kind of movie really. A bunch of memorable and occasionally fun scenes but nothing memorable holding it all together. Perhaps the perfect description of this film from the writer/director of it, Jack Sholder.

quote:

That's one that I have very mixed feelings about because there are parts of it that I really like, but I think, all in all, it's a little dumb. To tell you the truth, I haven't seen it since I, uh, made it. When I was making it, I thought it was good. I thought a lot of it was kind of funny or clever. I definitely feel it has merit. From what I can gather, it's one of those films that divides people. Some people don't like it, others do. And, you know, it was also a sequel to a movie that I thought wasn't a good movie at all. It's a movie that I did, and I don't regret doing. You know, there's a lot of stuff that I think is pretty good from it. You know, like the scene from the casino I thought was pretty good. Maybe it comes off as being silly.

You know its a good movie when the writer/director is kind of defensive of even making the film but also really uncomfortable with that defensiveness.

I know I’ve seen Andrew Divoff in other stuff but for the life of me I can’t process him as anything but the Djinn’s weird rear end accent and delivery. I mean he’s obviously having fun and the Djinn would probably be an iconic horror monster if someone made some decent movies with him. He’s freaky and gross and completely over the top. Although he plays pretty fast and loose with the definition of what a “wish” is. I mean I’m not sure how you interpret a cop telling YOU to freeze as a wish for you to freeze him. And I don’t think that guy exactly “walked” out of jail. But I suppose Djinn conduct and contract oversight gets really watered down over the centuries.

Its not a bad mo… yes it is. Its a bad movie. But its not an unwatchable one or anything. Its just cheap horror trash with a few memorable scenes. You can do worse. Although it actually mildly annoys me that the resolution for the movie is pretty much the exact same one from the first one. But then it makes me laugh to realize that she wishes the dude she killed never died, but not her boyfriend. Sorry bud. She seduced a priest.


I could switch over to the Z-Fest and keep this quality going but I have a much more respected movie in mind for tonight…


7 (8). The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Watched on Starz, also available on hoopla, DirectTV, and Amazon’s Showtime channel.

13 years after Sally survived her ordeal into hell the Texas Chainsaw Massacre has become an urban legend on Texas which the police and reporters can find no evidence of but which people continue to assign deaths and disappearances to. But a radio dj who happens to catch a murder on air and an ex-Marshall seeking the truth of what happened to his nephew 13 years ago end up on the trail of Leatherface’s family… or the other way around.

So that was something completely different from what I expected. Its almost nothing like the original and certainly no where near as good. But its not bad at all. It trades the raw and tense grimness for over the top madness and camp. There’s still some really horrible poo poo, especially what Stretch has to go through, but none of it lands as hard as the first film because there’s just such a different, bizarre tone to this world created by a horny dancing Leatherface and Bill Moseley in his underground horror show DisneyLand. Dennis Hopper feels wasted and like barely even paying attention for much of the film, or even in the same movie as everyone else. But Caroline Williams is pretty great in the main role and carries a lot of the film when Leatherface and Moseley aren’t being completely deranged and I really loved the character of Stretch in a way I didn’t connect with to any of the very generic victims in the first film.

But like, its not really a film that has to be carried by one or 2 performances because the really macabre dark humor tone of it does most of the way. I mean Leatherface wearing a loving corpse as a marionette puppet camouflage armor thing?! Or him emerging from the dark in the radio station and chainsawing Moseley’s steel plate? Or that bizarre seduction/sexual harassment scene? Or Lefty saving Stretch while she’s wearing his face? Jesus, its a hosed up film but in a totally different way than the first.

And once again it speaks to how drat good Tobe Hooper was as a director. The guy had an amazing ability to just not repeat himself in any way and make a different film every time he went out there, even when he’s making a sequel to his own film and that seems like an impossible task.

Also I can’t tell if this film is a sendoff up of Texas or a celebration. Or maybe they’re just the same thing? Maybe its neither and I just think Texas is ridiculous? That’s actually kind of a problem I have with Hooper. Like when I’m watching Craig Nelson’s Reagan loving “former hippie” in Poiltergeist I wonder if its supposed to be a joke or if that’s just the time. Or was it the time but Hooper was keen enough to recognize it for the joke it was at that time? I don’t know, and truthfully I’m not sure it matters. Whether Hooper had a very subtle wit and sharp eye towards stuff of his time or just liked to laugh at the stuff around him he’s still putting it out there in a funny way in his films that gets funnier with time.

Bill Moseley, an expanded Leatherface, some whacked out poo poo, some laughs, a new favorite Final Girl. I do believe I liked this one.

Sono
Apr 9, 2008




12. The Werewolf of Washington (1973) - Youtube



Yeah.

Dean Stockwell beats a German Shepherd to death for no reason is attacked and turned by a werewolf (???) so the obviously Nixon-inspired President promotes him to press secretary. Being in such close proximity to Washington's elite (and being a werewolf), Stockwell proceeds to unintentionally eliminate many of the President's enemies. The President blames these horrific murders on black people. Despite Stockwell telling the President that he's a werewolf and has been killing people, the President simply believes he's stessed out from his new position and having nightmares, so he reassures him that he's confident in Stockwell's abilities (as press secretary. Not as a werewolf.) Then after a small massacre in the industrial factory in the basement of the White House (???)... nope, still doesn't believe him. Then after Stockwell transforms into the werewolf while he's sitting about 5 feet from the President on a helicopter that only has like 4 people on it... nope. Finally, Stockwell's girlfriend guns down the werewolf and the President watches him transform back into Stockwell. Then he believes him.

Also, a large stretch of the middle involves Stockwell and the President acting like they're in a buddy cop film as they walk the beat investigating the murders.

They really could have played harder into the fact that the werewolf is accidentally taking out the President's enemies, especially since we're dealing with Nixon here, but that thread pretty much dies after the first few kills.

It was at least entertaining. 3/5

13. Snowbeast (1977) - Youtube

Made-for-TV Bigfootsploitation movie. It's bad. Of note, all the reasonable people (who are always wrong) insist for most of the movie that the killings are bear attacks. They show the Bigfoot corpse at the end of the film, and... I'm pretty sure it's a bear. 1/5.

14. Good Against Evil (1977) - Youtube

If you've seen the Exorcist, you've seen this movie. Only far better done. And not just in the sense that The Exorcist inspired a lot of bad movies about demonic possession; this is a Last Shark tier ripoff starring something called a Dack Rambo and features special effects such as guys standing off-camera throwing furniture.

That said, it's really pretty. There's a great use of contrasts between red and blue both between scenes and within individual scenes. Whoever was responsible for the sets, costumes, props, and lighting of this thing gave it their all. 3/5

Watched so far:
1. The Unwelcoming House (Prime) - 3/5, 2. The Unwelcoming House 2 (Prime) - 2/5, 3. The Writer's Ghost (Prime) - 0/5, 4. Dark Exorcism (Prime) - 5/5, 5. The Ninth Configuration (Prime) - 3/5, 6. The Exorcist III (Prime) - 5/5, 7. The Prophecy (Prime) - 3/5, 8. The Ghost (1963) (Youtube) - 4/5, 9. Shock (Youtube) - 4/5, 10. Wes Craven's Chiller (Youtube) - 3/5, 11. The House by the Cemetery (Youtube) - 4/5, 12. The Werewolf of Washington (Youtube) 3/5, 13. Snowbeast (Youtube) 1/5, 14. Good Against Evil (Youtube) 3/5

Sono fucked around with this message at 05:30 on Apr 4, 2020

Count Thrashula
Jun 1, 2003

Death is nothing compared to vindication.
Buglord
10. Popcorn (1991)

This movie had NO right being as fun as it was. It's got everything. It's some weird amalgamation of Scream, Phantom of the Opera, Darkman and Saw. Worth a watch.
4/5

Watched so far: 1. Zombie (1979) / 2. Frankenstein (1931) / 3. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) / 4. Basket Case (1982) / 5. Carrie (1976) / 6. Audition (1999) / 7. Creepshow (1982) / 8. Cannibal Holocaust (1980) / 9. Daniel Isn't Real (2020) / 10. Popcorn (1991)

alansmithee
Jan 25, 2007

Goodness no, now that wouldn't do at all!


2. The Platform - Amazon Prime

Spanish film that has a lot of similarities with The Cube, but with a very unsubtle message. And while the message isn't subtle, it doesn't stop the movie from being extremely effective. People are imprisoned in a multi-level prison-like structure where at the beginning of each day a platform is loaded up with a veritable banquet of food. The platform then descends through the tower, with each level allowed to eat as much or little as they desire before the platform moves onto the next level. This obviously causes issues for lower levels and hijinx ensue! Possibly the most horrific dining scenes in horror (TCM is maybe close, but it's a tossup at best).


Watched so far:
1. Creepy (Amazon Prime)
2. The Platform (Netflix)


alansmithee fucked around with this message at 08:43 on Apr 4, 2020

STAC Goat
Mar 12, 2008

Watching you sleep.

Butt first, let's
check the feeds.

I have at least the next week of my movies loosely planned out with a basic 1-2-3 punch. 1, a pretty iffy film I don't expect to be good (usually a sequel) but that I can use to warm up with. 2, a better film that I think I might really enjoy, but not necessarily one that I have huge expectations for. 3, the main event. The movie of the night I expect things from and has build and hype for me. Its the toughest spot and the one where I can most get disappointed.

Wishmaster 2 was the warm up, TCM 2 was the potential. So without further ado, the main event of tonight's card.


8 (9). Color Out of Space (2020)
Watched on hoopla.

Adapted from a HP Lovecraft story a meteorite crashes in the yard of the Gardner family and quickly begins to affect its environment, the family, and time itself in beautiful and horrifying ways.

Holy poo poo.

So this movie’s been the talk of the horror thread for awhile now so when I saw it pop on Hoopla like 2 days before April I knew I had to give it a watch. I was actually all set to kick off my April at midnight with it but I passed out well before then. I was a little iffy about it. I’ve had mixed reactions to Lovecraft depictions and the whole combination of “cosmic horror”, Nicholas Cage, and the forum hype had me thinking of Mandy. And not to besmirch that film but I just didn’t feel it and I even went to make sure that Color wasn’t directed by Panos Cosmatos. I mean, I still probably would have watched it in time. I didn’t hate Mandy or anything. But I was worried about overhyping myself for a film that wasn’t really my thing.

But holy poo poo this lived up to the hype. Really, its everything I understand “Lovercraftian” to me. I thought that final quote - I presume perhaps taken directly from Lovecraft’s story - really captured not only what I think “Lovecraftian” to mean but what I think this film really pulled of.

quote:

What touched this place can not be quantified or understood by human science. It was just a color. Outer space. A messenger from realms whose existence stuns the brain and numbs us with the gulfs that it throws open before our frenzied eyes.

That’s what I always think Lovecraft is and what filmmakers understandably tend to struggle to bring to life. Just this all encompassing madness that makes no sense, but does. That feels like a science or math outside our perception written in a language we don’t understand. Something is happening. You can kind of get the direction its going. But what it is, why, how to stop it or get away. That’s all a mystery and as hopeless to understand as a child asked to do physics. Its just a terrifying waking nightmare where the rules don’t make sense and can’t be stopped. Its tough to do a film that doesn’t make sense… and make it make sense. As I said I haven’t been a fan of Cosamotos’ attempts (Mandy, Beyond the Black Rainbow) or similar recent films like The Void or Annihilation. There’s elements of them I like but ultimately they felt too wildering and cosmic to me. I couldn’t engage with them. But this just worked for me.

It was interesting, it had me thinking that the subtle sub story of all of this would go back to that first scene with Lavinia praying to escape and Ward messing her ritual up. All along I kept feeling like we were headed towards that “monkey paw” answer to her prayers where she was finally able to escape at the cost of all this madness. A cruel gift from Ariel and Gabriel and them for not pulling the ritual off right. So when Lavinia refused to leave and was consumed - or whatever - by the color I was surprised. But then we hear those words again and I’m left wondering if that’s exactly what happened. She “escaped” in a way we can’t even perceive. Its a fun, impossible to answer, little extra to the story.

Really, I just loved that and have to thank the horror thread for talking so drat much about it because I didn’t even know it existed outside the thread. A really compelling, engaging, beautiful, and maddeningly scary film and probably the best Lovecraft adaption or “Lovecraftian” piece I think I’ve seen.




March “Madness” Pre-Gaming
Watched - New (Total)
1) Gallowwalkers (2012); - (2). Re-Animator (1985); - (3). Candyman (1992); - (4). Bride of Re-Animator (1990); - (5) Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000); - (6). Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995); - (7). Poltergeist (1982); - (8). Candyman: Day of the Dead (1999); - (9). The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974); - (10). Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986); - (11). Wishmaster (1997); - (12). The Exorcist (1973); - (13). Hell House LLC (2015); 2 (14). The Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977); - (15). Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel (2018); - (16). Final Destination (2000); - (17). The Prophecy (1995); - (18). Poltergeist III (1988); 3 (19). The Exorcist III (1990); - (20). Idle Hands (1999); - (21). Night of the Living Dead (1990); - (22). Psycho (1960); - (23). Demons (1985); (24). The Descent (2005); - (25). Monsters (2010);

April “Spring Shut-In” Marathon
Watched - New (Total)
1. Blood Punch (2014); 2. La morte vivanta aka The Living Dead Girl (1982); 3. Prom Night (1980); 4. Rabid (1977); 5. Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987); 6. Mayhem (2017); - (7). Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies (1999); 7 (8). The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986); 8 (9). Color Out of Space (2020);

STAC Goat fucked around with this message at 09:59 on Apr 4, 2020

TheKingslayer
Sep 3, 2008

3. The Fog (1980)

Watched On: Shudder
The Fog really nails a couple things that can make an audience forget your movie is (relatively) low budget, atmosphere and camera work. The fishing town of Antonio Bay is beautiful and slightly spooky in the way only an isolated coastal town can be. The idea to add the scene of the old sailor telling ghost stories at the beginning feels like genius to me and sets a great mood.

4. Vampire's Kiss (1988)

Watched On: Amazon Prime

A first time viewing and having only been exposed to various clips and memes I was expecting something a lot more on the comedy side and was way the hell off. That said, I loved it. I would be really surprised if some inspiration for the film adaptation of American Psycho didn't come from Vampire's Kiss. Nicholas Cage is just a treasure and I'm glad he's come back the horror genre the past few years to put in more solid work.

5. Terror Train (1980)
Watched On: Amazon Prime


New to me and a fun little slasher. I like the train setting, it feels so cramped and isolated. It was also a bit surprising to see David Copperfield in an old slasher movie. I believe the writer and director worked on Death Ship in the same year and Terror Train is for sure the superior offering and the final fate of the killer caught me so off guard I started laughing.

6. Bo McGraw and the Legend of the Alabama Bigfoot (2018)
Watched On: Amazon Prime


Sometimes I just find myself scrolling through Amazon Prime's offerings without paying much attention and something will just jump out at me. This was one of those things. This little film was made about an hour up the interstate from here and to get there you have to go down a stretch that's alleged to be haunted/cursed/frequented by a cryptid. Something that locals have claimed to see running across the road at night that doesn't resemble any local wildlife. Once there you find yourself in the "The Bigfoot Capital of Alabama" Evergreen, Alabama. Somehow this little production made it's premier at the local hipster theater in my home city and it went right under my radar.

You're getting way more Ernest Scared Stupid then say, Boggy Creek. There's also a go at making fun of the stereotypical far right Alabamian, which I appreciate and it looks a little better than the typical microbudget produciton that I'm used to. That said... eh it's not anything to go out of your way to watch unless you're from around here and think it's novel it exists on the internet. Luckily it was just an hour and change.

bitterandtwisted
Sep 4, 2006




4: The Changling


Composer John Russel moves to the country following the deaths of his family. He's looking to rent a place suitable for a single guy on a teacher's salary and soon settles on a gigantic mansion.
This is an extremely well crafted haunted house film with an intriguing unsolved murder case. The atmosphere is wonderfully melancholic, the music is good and George C. Scott is perfectly cast as the lead.

I think this film is really underrated. No one ever talks about it, but it's solid.

Seen:
1) The Abominable Dr. Phibes; 2) Contagion; 3) The Devil's Rejects; 4) The Changling

Count Thrashula
Jun 1, 2003

Death is nothing compared to vindication.
Buglord
11. Matango (1963)

This movie came out in 1963??? Whoa. I thought it was the 80s. Anyway, a weirdly-good slow burn horror about mushroom people. It leans full into the cheese and it's so fun.
3.5/5

Watched so far: 1. Zombie (1979) / 2. Frankenstein (1931) / 3. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) / 4. Basket Case (1982) / 5. Carrie (1976) / 6. Audition (1999) / 7. Creepshow (1982) / 8. Cannibal Holocaust (1980) / 9. Daniel Isn't Real (2020) / 10. Popcorn (1991) / 11. Matango (1963)

Dr. Puppykicker
Oct 16, 2012

Meanwhile

Human Lanterns (1982)

By the 1980s, legendary kung-fu studio Shaw Bros., once a virtual monopoly in China, was feeling the squeeze from Jackie Chan in their home market and movies like Star Wars in the west. As a result, trend chasing set in and the movies got...weirder, leading to this oddball swordplay/slasher hybrid. This is definitely not my favorite wuxia or my favorite Chinese horror film, neither the disparate plotlines or the combination of gross horror and wirework swordfighting ever really feel like part of the same movie. But this does, however, have a villain running around in a skeletor/chewbacca outfit throwing ladies up in the air and catching them in a big sack while laughing maniacally. Which is pretty irresistible, if you're someone like me.

3.5/5 :ninja:

Next of Kin (1982)

Hahahahahahaha holy poo poo.

I thought this was going to be a ghost story, turns out it's a mix of every single kind of kind of horror movie, with slow burn atmospheric chills, giallo stylization and obtuse mystery plotting, Shining-esque long tracking shots down hallways, confined "woman alone" mental disintegration, and a completely nuts climax. How did this movie end that way? Utterly perplexing and delightful, pretty much an essential for any fan of the genre who thinks they've seen it all.

4/5 :tif:

gey muckle mowser
Aug 5, 2003

Do you know anything about...
witches?



Buglord

alansmithee posted:

2. The Platform - Amazon Prime

And while the message isn't subtle, it doesn't stop the movie from being extremely effective.

it's appropriate for this film, it's extremely topical and 2020 has not been a subtle year so far



3. Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)
Netflix

I've been in the mood for some dumb fun, and this series is exactly that. This one is a step up from the last film in the series (Apocalypse) in many ways, but it still doesn't rise much past the minimum threshold for being entertaining. Milla Jovovich is pretty much carrying these films - she's good at looking badass while kicking dogs in the face and killing zombies with huge knives. I also can't really hate on a movie that has Iain Glen mutating into a tentacled monster, although the Umbrella corp are pretty lame villains otherwise. The plot is super dumb, but it has enough fun material to mostly make up for that I think

3 zombie crows out of 5



4. Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)
Netflix

Once again, a supremely dumb movie that still manages to be passably entertaining. Some fun action sequences, lame villains, nonsensical plot, and characters fighting and running in slow motion in attempts to make them look badass (Jovovich mostly pulls it off, Ali Larter mostly doesn't). The main Umbrella corp guy is a Z-grade Agent Smith clone and he's loving terrible. I also hate the guy who plays Chris Redfield, he's just awful in everything I've ever seen him in.

I also didn't realize until afterwards that this was released in 3D in theaters, which explains some of the terrible shots of things flying at the camera.

2.5 Jovovichs out of 5


Watched: 4 - Horse Girl | Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II | Resident Evil: Extinction | Resident Evil: Afterlife

Class3KillStorm
Feb 17, 2011




#2. Howl (2015) (Shudder)

When passengers on a late night train are attacked by a werewolf, they must band together in order to survive until morning.

A pretty stock "spam in a cabin" movie, if the cabin is a rolling metal death trap. I'm surprised it came out as late as it did; I would have figured "werewolves on a train" would have been an easier sell during the hey day of Snakes On a Plane, and all its attendant "X on a Y" knockoff films. This doesn't have much going for it - characters are pretty flat, the acting is pretty blah, and the werewolf design is just pants. (It looks like Ozzy Osbourne turned into that gross lumpy Mr. Hyde strongman mutant from that terrible Sean Connery League of Extraordinary Gentlemen adaptation from the early 2000s.)

It looks okay, though, and some of the set design on the train is okay, especially when they manage to fortify it (somehow?). At first I thought the production values might carry it a little further, but my interest had waned away to basically nothing by the time the movie tried to up the stakes with even more lovely not-werewolves hanging around, and I couldn't be bothered to care about the ending. Oh, the hero learned to stand up for himself and gets rewarded by turning into a lovely monster and eating the stock One rear end in a top hat In The Group? Who the gently caress cares?

I know there's very few good werewolf movies out there... this is just one more flea-bitten mongrel to throw on the "lovely version" pile. Avoid.

:ghost:/5

Watched so far: April Fool's Day (1986), Howl (2015)
[/quote]

Gripweed
Nov 8, 2018

gey muckle mowser posted:

I also hate the guy who plays Chris Redfield, he's just awful in everything I've ever seen him in.

He's Leonard Snart!

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STAC Goat
Mar 12, 2008

Watching you sleep.

Butt first, let's
check the feeds.

I love him as Snart but I'm not prepared to defend the acting of Wentworth Miller. Its just that his weird, aloof thing works in a goofy comic book show.

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