|
Yes but what if your kid turns out to be a poo poo head?
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 17:58
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 10, 2024 04:47 |
|
|
       
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 17:59
|
|
|
Talkc posted:Yes but what if your kid turns out to be a poo poo head? What if the parents do?
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 18:04
|
|
|
Talkc posted:Yes but what if your kid turns out to be a poo poo head? Anecdotally it seems to be almost 99.9 percent related to if you are also a shithead as a parent. Seeing as most of us are semi functional broken people I think the goal is to raise a child that is an acceptable level of poo poo headedness. My parents are probably proud they raised a government working tuglord, could've been a lot worse.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 18:13
|
|
|
Derpies posted:Anecdotally it seems to be almost 99.9 percent related to if you are also a shithead as a parent. Seeing as most of us are semi functional broken people I think the goal is to raise a child that is an acceptable level of poo poo headedness. My parents are probably proud they raised a government working tuglord, could've been a lot worse. I’ve heard from maaany parents that inevitably you’ll gently caress up, and it’s not so much that but how you handle it, is what makes the difference.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 18:16
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBq-lmJ_GQw I think that commercial was what did it for me
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 18:18
|
|
|
Drunk Nerds posted:I'm definitely not happier than if I didn't have kids... but that's not the point. I could sit on my rear end and just drink beer and play videogames until I died and hit my maximum happiness level, but I want more than that. I need to feel like I did something for this world. Raising kids who lead charity drives and seek out and welcome new kids so they have friends fulfills my need. The things your children do are their accomplishments or failings not yours. Besides HAHAHAHAHAHA charity drive? What a loving waste of time when they could be playing video games. You know what I'm going to do today? Watch so may episodes of Stargate which I've previously watched through once or twice. I think it's the third watch through. teen witch posted:I’d be ok with having biological kids if my genes weren’t a cesspool of mental illness and if the world wasn’t unnecessarily cruel to anyone who wasn’t born white, Christian and male. Also, pregnancy and childbirth loving disgust me and I want no part in it, especially for high maternal death rates for browner women. I could die because some idiot decided to do a racism, I try to avoid those situations. https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/maternal-mortality/disparities-pregnancy-related-deaths/infographic.html . Eww. 3olives would you please stop posting you might pass me on the ignore list! Duck and Cover fucked around with this message at 03:10 on Jun 19, 2021 |
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 18:21
|
|
|
Talkc posted:Yes but what if your kid turns out to be a poo poo head? https://twitter.com/SadiqoJN/status/1070995854272675840
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 18:27
|
|
|
A Strange Aeon posted:It's interesting to consider having a kid as a selfish act when it's voluntarily adding an extraordinary amount of responsibility into your life. This is huge and I have been fortunate in this regard. We've had both sets of grandparents which we've leaned on that has helped tremendously. The struggle for families with no outside support is pretty tough. Just being able to work would require one parent having to be home all the time or paying a considerable amount for daycare. Also having the kids stay the night or two at the grandparents is amazingly refreshing and never getting that break would be really hard.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 19:07
|
|
|
r u ready to WALK posted:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBq-lmJ_GQw Holy poo poo that's amazing. How is this a commercial? Edit: Pretty good performance, but imagine letting your kid be in this commercial. An example of teenagers' mistakes.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 19:28
|
|
|
After some more thought if you never have a child or are part of child rearing you can't become a rad suburban dad and hang out in DST's ever shrinking man cave (I believe we are relegated to the back corner of the carport now).
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 19:30
|
|
|
I could easily give a child a Super Swirlie with great ease. They are small and weak.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 19:36
|
|
|
YeahTubaMike posted:Speaking of which... I don't think this is true for cis guys -- correct me if I'm wrong -- but cis girls are asked about motherhood super early in life, to the point that I literally don't remember the first time I said I didn't want to have children (according to my mom, I was 7). As a result, as a teenager, I developed a super bitter attitude toward the extremely pervasive idea that I & all little girls should look forward to being a mom. When I was 15-16, I became overjoyed that not only was there a huge internet community "just like me! I'm in a lot of childfree groups because I really don't want to listen to parenting stuff; if I did, I'd have kids, you know? Which isn't the same thing as saying I won't listen to a friend who needs to talk, just, I don't care if Johnny poo poo himself and drew all over your walls. I just don't wanna touch your walls now and have an incredible amount of sympathy for you in having to clean it all up. Also a lot of them are about as dog lady as I am which is nice. When I was 10 years old I had people asking me if I wanted kids before I got married and absolutely shunning me when I said I didn't want kids at all. The whole family pushed me when I did get married and so did the military; to the point of giving me a prescription for pre-natal vitamins ("it's never too early to start taking them!") and me throwing them all away when I got home. I have a load of reasons for not wanting kids of my own but would absolutely take care of my nieces if it came down to them needing it. I worked with group home kids a lot prior to the pandemic. I don't like, hate kids or whatever. I just don't want them for myself. I don't get the "lol let's kill them all" poo poo. Childfree groups weren't always that way but they sure are now. Chinatown posted:I could easily give a child a Super Swirlie with great ease. Not if you get them into crossfit when they start crawling.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 19:51
|
|
" who didn't want children & were outspoken about it, but that there was a NAME for "us" -- childfree! I was super stoked to be "childfree" for abooooouuuuuutttttt 45 seconds, and when I delved deeper into one of the myriad forums out there, my experience was basically
|
child free people being more whiny than my five year old will never not make me laugh lmao, most parents couldn't care less about your crusade thanks for letting us live in your head rent free.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 19:58
|
|
|
My 1.5yr old kid is the cutest god drat creature in the universe and she somehow gets cuter everyday. Big expressive eyes and little stampy feet, huge smile whenever she greets anyone new or old. Incredibly curious and always trying to figure out new objects. Totally worth it. Though it helps that she's a pretty reliable sleeper. 12 hours of peace every night. I think someone up thread said it already, kids start at hard mode and get easier over time (so long as you don't gently caress em up).
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 19:59
|
|
|
sudonim posted:
gently caress u bro
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 20:00
|
|
|
If creating children is a human right, why are there no laws ensuring those rights?
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 20:11
|
|
|
Should governments issue fertile breeders when needed?
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 20:11
|
|
|
No. 6 posted:If creating children is a human right, why are there no laws ensuring those rights? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaa9iw85tW8&ab_channel=VimanaRama
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 20:13
|
|
|
Thanks but do i really need to watch the whole 9 minutes of George Carlin?
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 20:18
|
|
|
I'll paraphrase. Rights are imaginary. We don't have rights.  sorry
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 20:19
|
|
|
seems that some people just can’t  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT6oZGThwis
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 20:19
|
|
|
Full Metal Jackass posted:Also having the kids stay the night or two at the grandparents is amazingly refreshing and never getting that break would be really hard. Yeah, this can't be understated! My wife and I have had 4 nights without our daughter in the past 4 years. It's what we signed up for, but the thought of dropping her off somewhere safe and fun for the night and being able to do whatever we wanted and sleep in past 6 the next morning is just a fantasy right now. Can't wait until she starts making friends and going to sleepovers, though that's several more years out, I'm sure.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 20:20
|
|
|
Derpies posted:After some more thought if you never have a child or are part of child rearing you can't become a rad suburban dad and hang out in DST's ever shrinking man cave (I believe we are relegated to the back corner of the carport now). The giant aloe died so I got the patio back.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 20:23
|
|
|
adoptive and foster parenting is objectively more difficult than having your own kid, i speak from experience. i don't want to get super into E/N level detail because this is a really loving weird thread with some really loving weird poo poo in it already, but those of you saying you'd be fine with adopting but not with natural birth are basically saying you'd be fine with playing the highest stakes game in existence on hard mode but not on normal. even if you get the child as an infant (which basically never happens in practice, almost all stories you hear about this in practice are rich people buying children from poor people and governments are extremely touchy about that for an entire laundry list of reasons), in-utero behavior of both parents matters a lot. everything from the mother's nutrition and hygiene to the father's presence, tone of voice, touch, etc all matter to prime the child for the insanely critical first 18 months of the baby's existence. if you get the child after 12 or so months, you are inheriting assloads of decisions regarding the child's stimulation, affection, nutrition, etc that, since the child is up for adoption, are pretty much guaranteed to be somewhere between objectively bad and horrifying. the older the child gets, the more ground you will have to make up in all forms of the child's development - physical, mental, psychological, emotional, spiritual. the hardest experience i have ever had fostering was a three year old girl who had been born with meth in her system (though not addicted), and had been kept on what amounted to a wartime ration diet her entire life. she was never technically starving, but the nutrition was completely wrong for a child. she could not lift herself onto the couch, had no opinions of her own, was profoundly delayed in reading and was barely verbal, had no idea how to express what she needed, and was completely cut off and shut down from any kind of actual positive experience with other humans. the main way she was removed from placid automaton-like behavior was her tendency to lash out into fierce, animalistic rages for little to no reason. while she had little chance of hurting me due to her small size and low strength, she was a constant danger to herself in this state. she would have no memory of these after the rages had passed, and the first time i ever saw her show emotion was to sputter disbelievingly until she cried when a video of one of her episodes was played back. the primordial ape part of her brain took over and the human was no longer there. this is apparently a known thing with kids of her profile. it took 18 months, dozens of trips to a psychiatric hospital, frequently on an emergency basis, hundreds of visits to therapists, pediatricians, etc, entire days lost fighting with schools and governments and such for access to programs, and more to get her to the point where she was merely a year delayed from where she 'should' be at 4 and a half when she moved on to a relative for a permanent adoption. i had to seek counseling myself afterward and took a break from any fostering activity for 9 months because the entire ordeal traumatized me. the state adoption board rates individual children from 1 to 4 on levels of challenge in parenting the child. a 1 is the least severe cases, and 4 is the most severe. this girl was a 3. i ask you to honestly wait a moment to let that sink in. i took 18 months of my life, supported by an extended family, friends, numerous medical and government programs, and a nontrivial amount of cold hard cash only to what amounts to make it possible for her to be adopted by someone permanently. that is the absolute most i can claim to have accomplished. and even then, i might have failed at that. we're not given information about a foster after they leave our care for obvious reasons. so i am left to wonder, during weak moments, if she regressed after leaving a known safe environment (which, they tell me, happens moderately often) because i failed to make her progress durable. did i, functionally, compound the failure of her biological mother and drat not just this innocent little girl, but her well-intentioned aunt, to god-only-knows how many more years of screaming trauma and unmitigated misery because i was not good enough? this girl is not an extreme case for fosters or adopters. she is on the rough end of average. if you are at your keyboard thinking you aren't ready for a biological kid, but are ready for an adoption, because it's more reasonable, ethical, or your genes suck, or anything like that...understand that you are functionally saying you don't want to get into a fistfight, but if nuclear war breaks out tomorrow you're marching right down to the recruitment office and saying "sign me up." you would do these children more harm than anything else with your attitude. just be honest with yourself that you don't want kids, in any format. you get into fostering or adopting because your heart is so much more powerful than your head that you're willing to accept the hardest challenge of the most relentless job on the planet because it makes you exactly that happy to do it. i'd go further than saying there's no shame in not being like that. i'd go so far as to say that the people like me who ARE that way are the freaks. we are the broken lunatics that defy every gene-coded compulsion and rational argument to not do this. i not only do not expect praise for anything i do, i openly wonder why people don't mock me for it. no reasonable or sane person should do this poo poo. yet me - and my family - are hooked on it, some way or another. just, please don't make light of this concept. these kids have suffered enough already. they don't need yet another adult failing them because they are distracted by something while parenting. which you definitely are if you're trying to prove a point to an ethereal other, confirm your world view for yourself, or are wallowing in self-loathing about your genetic lottery.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 21:09
|
|
|
Adoption is a nightmare for all parties involved.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 21:14
|
|
|
kntfkr posted:I'll paraphrase. Rights are imaginary. We don't have rights. Your rights are fundable via US cash.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 21:15
|
|
|
quote:people who aren’t child-free felt substantially less warm toward child-free individuals lol why does this not surprise me
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 21:16
|
|
|
that was an informative write-up coolguye, thanks
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 21:17
|
|
|
teen witch posted:I’ve heard from maaany parents that inevitably you’ll gently caress up, and it’s not so much that but how you handle it, is what makes the difference. I was actually discussing the topic of good parents with my therapist a couple weeks ago and he said that in psychology they don't talk about good parents, they talk about good enough parents. Every parent has trauma that they end up passing on to their child in some form and the best you can do is try to work through your trauma and help your child understand how to work through theirs. I also found out that my family has such bad depression going back four generations that my grandfather almost died as an infant because my great-grandmother was too depressed to take care of him so super lol at me passing these lovely genes on. Coolguye posted:if you are at your keyboard thinking you aren't ready for a biological kid, but are ready for an adoption, because it's more reasonable, ethical, or your genes suck, or anything like that...understand that you are functionally saying you don't want to get into a fistfight, but if nuclear war breaks out tomorrow you're marching right down to the recruitment office and saying "sign me up." This is a dumb statement. Saying that you don't want to pass your genes on isn't saying that you couldn't handle raising someone with the issues you would bring into the world, rather that it makes no sense to bring another person with hosed up genes into the world when there's already lots of kids out there that need help, even if their issues are at least as bad. The better comparison would be saying that you're not going to go out and pick a bar fight. My ex-wife and I were on the same page that if we ever were going to have kids we were going to adopt. She was adopted, and felt like it would have helped her as a child to know that there was someone who understood feeling unwanted and abandoned. She also had a ton of separate genetic issues and it was questionable if she even could have carried a child to term if we wanted to. Thankfully we never did have kids because that would have made the divorce way more messy. At this point I'm probably only ever going to have kids if I end up being a stepdad.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 21:26
|
|
|
kntfkr posted:that was an informative write-up coolguye, thanks Wow Yes
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 21:35
|
|
|
22 Eargesplitten posted:This is a dumb statement. Saying that you don't want to pass your genes on isn't saying that you couldn't handle raising someone with the issues you would bring into the world, rather that it makes no sense to bring another person with hosed up genes into the world when there's already lots of kids out there that need help, even if their issues are at least as bad. The better comparison would be saying that you're not going to go out and pick a bar fight. if you and your wife are concerned about passing on something like huntington's disease, sure, i jive with that. but most the folks saying that are concerned about bad eyes, bad ears, trick hips, scoliosis, and cancer risks. all of which and more you'll get from a lovely diet in your first year of life. Coolguye fucked around with this message at 21:42 on Jun 17, 2021 |
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 21:39
|
|
|
ubachung posted:lol why does this not surprise me What else is funny is that men seem to be judged MORE harshly than women in the matter (over 2 points worse on mean avg and 5 points for being childless).
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 21:45
|
|
|
i think my happiness would be independent of a child lifes what you make it man
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 21:54
|
|
|
When people with kids ask me why I don't have kids, I ask them why they didn't have 5 or 6 instead of their current amount (which is usually 2). They proceed to look at me like I'm an insane person asking a ridiculously dumb question and reply with 'That's too many, too much work and wayyy too expensive. That's crazy!' Then I reply with, well, that's how I feel about 1 child. Hasn't failed me yet.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 22:10
|
|
|
Coolguye posted:the list of heritable genetic problems that are more ruinous than a bad first year of infancy could be listed on a single sheet of paper. i'm a type 1 diabetic and i would sooner wish that on a two year old than the lifelong stunting, mechanical performance, and mental cognition problems that occur from insufficient protein in the first year of life. at least the diabetic will get understanding and treatment, the starved child will just be treated like a predestined failure any place outside the home. the lovely thing is that this treatment is not without reason, but the fact that the treatment exists makes it more likely for the prophecy to be self-fulfilling. confirmed nutritional problems during development are pretty much the single most common thing you're going to see during the adoption and fostering processes, by the by. I'm not seeing what that has to do with what I said. Having a kid with a high likelihood of autism, autoimmune disease, heart problems, and all of the common mental illnesses doesn't magically make the child with nutrition problems that could have gotten adopted get better and no longer need adoption. I agree that anyone planning on adoption should understand that the odds are very high that the child they get is going to have serious issues, but you should be prepared for that if you decide to have a biological child as well, there's no way to predict what's going to happen. My mother was a LCSW and she wasn't prepared for a neuroatypical child. Maybe my perspective is skewed for some reason, but on top of my ex-wife being adopted half of my cousins are adopted, an aunt and uncle were adopted, and as a little kid one of the families my family was closest to was a foster care family. Granted I did not see the challenges involved in raising them, and I know there was at least one foster child that they had to put back in the system because she tried to burn the house down while everyone was asleep, so I'm not dismissing the challenges involved in raising a neglected adoptive/foster child, I just take issue with the idea of "just be honest with yourself that you don't want kids, in any format." The way I see it, in the unlikely event I have children at this point in my life that aren't a result of me marrying someone who already has children, I'm not looking for it to be easy, I just don't see the point of creating one more baby with hosed up health issues when there's probably tens of thousands of them out there that need someone already.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 22:10
|
|
|
The only time I ever hear about people being bugged about not having kids and having sick come backs that totally own that parent are on the internet and it’s clearly some made up scenario in their head
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 22:24
|
|
|
WalletBeef posted:When people with kids ask me why I don't have kids, I ask them why they didn't have 5 or 6 instead of their current amount (which is usually 2). I find it next to impossible to get into the mindset of a person who asks an obvious person with no children why they don't want to have kids. It would literally never be something I ask anyone.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 22:26
|
|
|
Nobody asks me if I have kids or want to have kids. Its because of my horrific appearance and even worse personality.
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 22:44
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 10, 2024 04:47 |
|
|
CongoJack posted:Nobody asks me if I have kids or want to have kids. Its because of my horrific appearance and even worse personality. Do you?
|
|
#
?
Jun 17, 2021 22:54
|
|