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Jim hides a kazoo in Dwight's lunch so that Dwight accidentally swallows the kazoo and now whenever Dwight tries to talk he makes kazoo sounds.
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Apr 14, 2024 21:15
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| # ? May 3, 2024 00:36 |
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Jim cultivates and introduces kudzu onto Dwight's farm.
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Apr 14, 2024 21:29
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Jim buys out Dwight’s ruined farm and begins distilling, bottling, and selling “Big Jim’s Kudzu Liquor”, which resembles tobacco spit, and seems to be at least partially composed of bong water. This is not a prank, per se, but it is disgusting, and lots of people drink it to see what kudzu liquor tastes like. Maybe he puts maltitol in it and it gives everyone uncontrollable diarrhea, something like that. He leaves Dwight alone, for now.
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Apr 14, 2024 21:36
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it's midnight. jim writhes, nude, on dwight's lawn. an owl hoots, over the soft sound of jim's grunts of exertion.
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Apr 14, 2024 21:37
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Dwight helps his prize sow deliver a litter of pigs but is horrified to see all the piglets have Jim's mugging face.
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Apr 14, 2024 21:42
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Jim sleeps with Dwight’s keyboard.
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Apr 14, 2024 22:18
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Jim seduces Dwight’s keyboard and emotionally manipulates it to change every time Dwight types his name to say “Diapers”.
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Apr 14, 2024 22:24
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Jim is drawn into an erotic web of temptation and betrayal with Dwight’s computer accessories. Dwight, unaware of this, notices his mouse seems a bit sluggish.
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Apr 14, 2024 22:44
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Jim lights a cigarette, the city a panorama behind him through the high rise window. A police siren wails in the night. “You’re just using me, aren’t you?” asks the broken printer. “You’re using me, to get to him.” Jim exhales a long plume of smoke, but doesn’t respond. He pulls on his pants and heads toward the door. The printer pulls the sheets up around her and screams, “Leaving already? Say hello to the stapler, that whore!” Jim doesn’t flinch as a glass shatters against the wall on his way out. From somewhere faraway, a jazz saxophone plays morosely.
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Apr 14, 2024 22:53
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Jim is staring intently at Dwight’s keyboard, with a strange leer on his face. “What IF,” he muses, “all of our peripheral devices were imaginary friends that came to life?” Dwight, nonchalantly trying to hide his gamepad, mutters without much thought, “Sure. Imaginary friends coming to life. Very creative, original idea. Totally new, as novel as a sports marketing company…” Jim licks his lips as he continues, And Ryan Reynolds would voice Pikachu….”
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Apr 14, 2024 23:29
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Jim secretly enters Dwight in Scranton’s Bi-Annual Comicpalooza Con’s costume contest. Dwight is completely unaware of this but Jim attends the contest (which is free and open to anyone) with a front row seat. As the host asks for Dwight Schrute to come on stage, Jim starts snorting. “Okay, I guess Dwight had something else come up, moving on, we have Michael Scott dressed as Jar Jar Binks. Wow, that’s a blast from the past.” As Michael begins his performance, which makes the entire crowd shift in their seats uncomfortably, Jim walks out of the convention hall laughing. “Oh man, Dwight sure looked dumb! He can’t even show his face on stage!” “Sure thing, buddy,” replies a man dressed as a Ghostbuster. “Maybe you need to go sit down for a minute and have some water.” Jim laughs him off and wanders out into the parking lot, where he sees Stanley Tucci (making a rare con appearance) smoking a cigarette. Jim gives him a wide berth and stops laughing as he walks back to his car.
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Apr 14, 2024 23:29
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“The characters, they hump each other!!!” Steven King types onto his wife’s Olivetti Typewriter. “On the Office, The TV show!!!” breathing hard, sweating, stains appearing on the body suit he wears (painted to look like Emily Blunt) “And Micheal Cera is NOT there.” panting, Steven says quietly he’s NOT there. He’s NOT.” Bitter tears roll down his face dripping onto a small pile of almonds
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Apr 15, 2024 00:46
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Jim chains Dwight to a merry-go-round and leaves it running all weekend.
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Apr 15, 2024 01:00
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Jim sells Dwight a 4k projector, but in reality it can only play back 4k content in a native 240p display.
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Apr 15, 2024 01:45
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Jim sends a vial of Dwight’s stolen piss in to Ancestry.com for genetic testing. After weeks waiting by the mailbox, Jim’s phone dings; the results are in! Jim hurriedly scrolls through the results, and is shocked to discover that Dwight is actually his, Jim’s, brother! This changes everything! After decades of wishing he had a brother, Jim rushes to The Office to spread the news. Once there, he celebrates the only way he knows how: by giving Dwight, his own brother, the ol’ spicy keychain! “How could you!” screams Dwight.
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Apr 15, 2024 02:07
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Jim quotes himself instead of editing Dwight.
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Apr 15, 2024 02:07
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Under oath, Jim claims that Dwight is “consenting to all the pranks”. Unfortunately for Jim, he says this apropos of nothing during child custody proceedings. “Mr. Halbert,” the judge says sternly. “I cannot in good conscience give you custody of your children. You seem to have a tenuous grasp on reality and seem to spend most of your time, energy, and money on bizarre pranks. In fact, many of these aren’t even pranks, some seem to be classified as pieces of Dada art. For that reason, Pam Beasley is granted full custody of Philip and Cece Halpert. However, a case worker will be assigned and, if at a later date you’ve proven your maturity as a father, partial custody could be granted to you.” “Please, your Honor, I can’t be cut out of my kids’ lives. I can only plead insanity. Because, ever since my children were born, the moment I looked at them, I was crazy about them. Once I held them, I was hooked. I'm addicted to my children, sir.” “That’s from Mrs. Doubtfire, your Honor,” interjects Pam’s attorney. Pam’s attorney mugs for the court stenographer.
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Apr 15, 2024 02:52
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Under oath Jim claims Dwight is straight bussin, no cap. The judge bangs the gavel and everyone cheers—except Angela. She mugs the camera.
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Apr 15, 2024 03:42
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Jim merrily trots into the office monday morning and shoves everything off of Dwight's desk. Dwight marks in his log which is a log of birch under his desk, that this is the 23rd time for this quarter and asks what that was for? Jim says "I'm just rizzin and your expression snaps." Dwight records this on his log. Jim asks "Wood you like anything else?" Dwight ignores him, Jim, as he returns his monitor, phone and accessories to his desk. Jim smirking, watches Dwight while sloshing around his frozen bubblegum lemon custard berry shake and loudly sucks on the straw producing a gurgling sound.
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Apr 15, 2024 03:57
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Inspired by the nursery rhyme "five little monkeys jumping on the bed" (which Jim listens to in the car every morning on his drive to work, it gets him fired up for work), Jim releases five little monkeys in the office. One of the monkeys steals Dwight's stapler, and another one bites Pam. As the leaseholder for the office, Dwight is left with no other choice to gas the monkeys out. Unfortunately one has crawled behind the drywall prior to the fumigation and causes the entire office to reek.
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Apr 15, 2024 04:36
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Jazz Jim follows Dwight everywhere, blaring morose jazz stylings on an antique contrabass saxophone. The saxophone is extremely large, producing a deep, loud tone. Jazz Jim visibly struggles with moving the enormous instrument around, clattering into doorways, audibly gasping for breath in rest periods, and dripping sweat onto Dwight's desk as Jazz Jim leans forward during particularly energetic pieces. Dwight is unable to effectively make phone calls, and his sales suffer. Red-faced and with cheeks puffed out from exertion, Jazz Jim mugs the camera. Creed leans against the office filing cabinets. Taking great crunching bites from what appears to be a whole horseradish, he, Creed, silently notes that Jazz Jim's saxophone probably requires maintenance and a new reed. However, the tormented and raw sounds being extracted from what is probably a very valuable instrument are themselves a powerful and melancholy statement.
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Apr 15, 2024 09:23
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Jim traps Dwight in the office vending machine after seeing the trailer for Despicable Me 4 and witnessing a similar prank. “Ba bee do bo! Hahaha! Banana Bella be do dee bo! La papaya!” Jim scurries away, leaving Dwight in an uncomfortable position. Oscar finally wanders in a few minutes later. “Christ! Hold on, Dwight. I’ll get you out of there!” As he approaches, Dwight sees Jim lurking behind Oscar holding a frying pan. Dwight tries to warn Oscar but his voice is muffled by the glass and is almost inaudible by Oscar. “Don’t worry, Dwight, I’m working on it! I’ll have you out of here in -“ Jim brings the frying pan down on Oscar’s head with a loud crack, then stands over his unconscious (at least, Dwight hopes he’s just unconscious) body. “Dee bo bee,” Jim says in an emotionless voice, his eyes going crossed. “Beedabo.” Jim hides in the corner again, dragging an unmoving Oscar away as Dwight begins to cry. A few minutes later, Stanley walks in. “I’m so sick of these goddamn pranks! Hold still, Dwight, I’ll get you.” As Stanley approaches, Jim’s cruel smile seems to glow in the dark corner of the break room.
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Apr 15, 2024 11:00
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DJ Jazzy Jim is upset when Michael forbids him from performing a live concert in The Office during work hours, and protests via a diss track entitled “Bosses Just Don’t Understand”.
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Apr 15, 2024 11:25
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Broadway Jim interrupts the workday every fifteen minutes with an extended musical number and Dwight can't get any work done.
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Apr 15, 2024 11:52
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Broadway Charles Miner gets a villain song where he demands a rundown from Jim and Jim (nude except for a tuxedo) is theatrically plunged into the pits of hell where he is tormented by Michael in a Mephistopheles costume.
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Apr 15, 2024 12:18
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Jim’s off-Broadway play, “What IF Minions Turned Out the Dark (officially licensed)”, wins multiple awards due to its bizarre, Dadaist nature filled with non-sequiturs and unlicensed reuse of pop songs contexts that turn them into biting social commentary. “Is Jim secretly a genius?” muses Dwight in a closed room confessional. The camera zooms and pans through the conference room window to focus on Jim in the main area chasing Toby around with a banana cream pie.
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Apr 15, 2024 13:06
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Jim becomes the toast of the Scranton art scene (this really isn't that impressive) after an episode of The Office: An American Workplace is accidentally shown on TV without any audio. It's hailed by critics as a surreal Lynchian nightmare and Jim is hailed as a "genius at capturing the banal evil of the office". This doesn't have a major impact on anything except Jim wears a beret during some of his future pranks.
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Apr 15, 2024 13:21
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Jim learns a magic spell that allows him to draw out a person's inner child, turning them into a fully autonomous, living being. He tests it on himself, summoning up Kid Jim and asking if he wants to help with the prank. "Yeah, just give me one minute, Adult Jim. I need to go take a whiz." 25 minutes later, Jim finally goes to check on his inner child. He finds Kid Jim has hung himself from the shower curtain rod. "Hmmm. Wonder if I should be worried about that?" Jim asks himself.
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Apr 15, 2024 13:40
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"Hey, Uncle Jimtendo? I just wanna say... it's nice hanging out with you. Dad never really understood me, hell, he still doesn't. So it's nice to, you know, have somebody to look up to." "That's my brother's loss," Uncle Jimtendo says as he ruffles Jim's floppy hair. "He wasn't... well, not to speak ill of the man but some people just shouldn't be parents, you know? Sorry, that's a hell of thing to say to you, isn't it?" "No," Jim replies as he pats his uncle warmly on the arm. "I think I figured that out when I was still a kid. I think I'm still reckoning with the impact of that to this day. Hey, how come you never had any kids of your own?" Uncle Jimtendo takes off his heavy work gloves, sits down, and lets out a contented sigh as he does. He reaches over to the cooler that he and Jim brought with them, cracks open a cold one, and takes a long sip. "I mean, the job at Nintendo was part of it. I moved to Japan to work on Super Mario Brothers 4, then they moved me over to the secret project division. Back then, you know, crunch time was a thing. I'd put in really long hours at the office, and the Japanese office culture was nightmarish back then. You had to work later than your boss, even if you were just sitting there. So my social life, well, it took a pretty big hit. I had a girlfriend in Canada for a while. She was a supermodel, you wouldn't have heard of her, though. Then my brother goes and gets married and has a kid. A couple of kids, as is turned out. And, well, he even named one after me... kind of. So I started hanging out with you guys and I realized, pretty early on, that your Dad didn't want to spend that time with you. So, you know, you guys were kind of my kids for a while. You, especially, Jim. That might be an odd thing to say, I know, but it's true. And, hey, seeing you guys grow up? I couldn't have asked for more than that, I had a perfect life. HAVE a perfect life." Jim wipes away a tear and hugs his uncle who he truly does love. Uncle Jimtendo squeezes his nephew tightly and then wipes away a tear of his own. "C'mon, we gotta get back to work. Jeez," Jim says as he snorts a wad of snot up his nose. "Couple of Dwights over here, crying about emotions." "Yeah," Uncle Jimtendo responds as he pulls his work gloves back on. "Couple of regular Dwights around here." About an hour later, Jim and Uncle Jimtendo finish constructing a beautiful fountain in front of Schrute Farms. In the middle of the fountain is a plaque with what looks like low-resolution writing on it. If you squint just right it sort of looks like "D is pranked 2041". That evening Dwight returns from work and stares at the fountain. While he's trying to read the plaque, Jim pulls his pants down.
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Apr 15, 2024 16:54
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Jim sells Dwight a new dish washer. Unbenownst to Dwight, the dishwasher has been jailbroken using a 0 day exploit that gives Jim root access to the firmware kernal. Jim uses a L1 cache overflow attack and sets up a botnet comprised of Dwight's dishwasher, his smart outlet, and his alexa enabled ring doorbell. Dwight attempts to stream 90 day fiance via the peacock app but his bandwidth is severely limited by all the network traffic, and he can only achieve 240p resolution.
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Apr 15, 2024 17:58
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Jim sells Dwight a new dish washer. Unbenownst to Dwight, the dishwasher has been seduced by Jim, who maintains a Svengali-esque control over many of Dwight’s recipes inanimate objects. Pam becomes suspicious as Jim spends more and more time away from home on “pranking supply runs” and she finds lingerie in Jim’s suitcase that could only fit on a blender.
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Apr 15, 2024 18:11
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Jim sells Dwight a new dish washer. Unbenownst to Dwight, the dishwasher has been seduced by Jim, who maintains a Svengoolie-esque control over many of Dwight’s inanimate objects. Dwight tries to start his air fryer only to be pelted with rubber chickens.
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Apr 15, 2024 18:22
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Jim steals Dwight's dish washer, erases Dwight's memory of owning a dish washer, then sells Dwight's dish washer back to him. Jim does this several times until Dwight can't afford to buy the dishwasher back so Jim dumps the appliance in a drainage culvert.
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Apr 15, 2024 18:46
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Jim chews up a glass beer bottle so that his mouth is full of broken glass then French-kisses Dwight.
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Apr 15, 2024 23:12
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Jim sells Dwight a new dishwasher. After several weeks of Dwight using the appliance normally, an anonymous package shows up at Schrute Farms containing photographs. The pictures detect am emaciated figure, nude except for red tennis shoes, seducing and loving the dishwasher.
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Apr 16, 2024 00:01
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Jim eats a bowl of Dwight’s cereal so that his mouth is filled with broken shards of glass, then French kisses Dwight’s dishwasher. Dwight watches the entire spectacle in his kitchen, wearing his bathroom and desperately trying to call the local insane asylum.
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Apr 16, 2024 02:17
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Dwight can't help that even by Jim standards, these latest pranks have taken a turn for the bizzare, and Dwight is puzzled as he watches Jim chew glass and flirt with inert kitchen appliances. The line between pranking and performance art is further blurred when Jim strups completely naked except for a red pair of tennis shoes and begins making a sloppy salami and mayonnaise sandwich. Dwight begins to get a nagging feeling that he's no longer the one being pranked. While he's on hold with the Scranton insane asylum, he fails to realize that the entire act is just a distraction for a flock of tiny Jims to steal his piss.
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Apr 16, 2024 02:27
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Jim replaces all the episodes of Itchy and Scratchy with live-action reenactments called "Jimmy and Schrutey". Dwight is skinned alive for the first episode.
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Apr 16, 2024 05:06
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Jim launches a kids comedy on Nickelodeon called “Jimmy & Schrutey” where Jim is depicted as a dashing teen heartthrob and Dwight is a nerdy loser always falling for comical pranks. Jim mugs the camera as the producer forces him to lick peanut butter off his own bare feet.
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Apr 16, 2024 11:42
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| # ? May 3, 2024 00:36 |
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Jim tells Dwight that Princess Leia is in the supply closet. Dwight, worried that Jim may have kidnapped Carrie Fisher and locked her in the supply closet, rushes to her aid. (Note, this prank takes place in 2009 when Carrie Fisher was still alive). When Dwight throws open the door to the supply closet, there's nobody there except a full-length mirror wearing a Princess Leia dress. The mirror is angled so that it looks like Dwight is wearing the dress. "Oh ha ha," Dwight says, sarcastically. "Very funny, Jim. I'm Princess Leia." At that moment, Jim jumps up behind Dwight and claps a pair of hamburger buns slathered with superglue over Dwight's ears. "You sure are!" Jim squeals with glee. "Michael!" Dwight bellows.
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Apr 16, 2024 11:46
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