Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

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Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

https://twitter.com/OmarKelly/status/815914347260092416

https://twitter.com/_TheDreamIsHere/status/816022667132305409

# ? Jan 2, 2017 21:56

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 04:16

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

second tweet got deleted rip rip

# ? Jan 3, 2017 02:44

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

v2vian man posted:

second tweet got deleted rip rip

Bummer. It was Jakeem tweeting @ Omar, "You don't know me so keep my name out of your mouth." lol

# ? Jan 3, 2017 02:46

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

MMQB/SI has kicked off Joe Mixon's redemption tour

# ? Mar 8, 2017 18:03

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Grant was a pretty great returner though, kinda what we drafted him for.

Omar as usual trying to sound tough

# ? Mar 8, 2017 21:09

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

From the FA thread

Iodised QQ posted:

A guy called into Mike Francesa today asking about guys like DJ Fluker and Chance Warmack as possible helpful additions to the Giants or Jets offensive line.

Francesa cut him off and said that those players don't exist and are probably just names of the caller's friends.

https://twitter.com/SportsFunhouse/status/839573562939826176

How do I get into sports radio?

# ? Mar 8, 2017 22:07

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

mother of

https://twitter.com/bhofheimer_espn/status/839990570076524544
https://twitter.com/ProFootballTalk/status/840001865916022784
https://twitter.com/LeBatardShow/status/840006058831687680
https://twitter.com/LeBatardShow/status/840006913987379202

# ? Mar 10, 2017 02:13

warcrimes: Jul 6, 2013; I don't know what's it called, I just know the sound it makes when it takes a J4G's life.

Vertical Lime posted:

mother of

https://twitter.com/bhofheimer_espn/status/839990570076524544
https://twitter.com/ProFootballTalk/status/840001865916022784
https://twitter.com/LeBatardShow/status/840006058831687680
https://twitter.com/LeBatardShow/status/840006913987379202

godDAMN

# ? Mar 10, 2017 02:54

swickles: Aug 21, 2006; I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

Holy poo poo Dan.

# ? Mar 10, 2017 03:07

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

Florio is real mad

https://twitter.com/profootballtalk/status/840168212465647616

# ? Mar 10, 2017 12:53

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

https://twitter.com/bigj9797/status/843118629294170112

# ? Mar 18, 2017 16:18

hifi: Jul 25, 2012

�We were just talking about the over/under on that [number of current Raiders who will ever play a down in Vegas],� Del Rio said.

I asked: �What is the over-under on that?�

Del Rio smirked. �I can�t get into that right now,� he said.

Over/under. Vegas. Get it?

-- peter king

# ? Mar 29, 2017 08:09

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

Listened to John Dorsey's pre-draft press conference because I like it when people stand up there and say nothing worthwhile in as many words as possible.

He got several questions about non-draft stuff but things that it makes sense to ask a GM, like about Alex Smith being willing to restructure his contract or picking up the 5th year option on Dee Ford's rookie contract. He answered all of those with something like 'we're completely concentrating on the draft right now, I'll think about that afterwards.'

After hearing those questions and that response some jackass, I have no idea who, asked how the organization can justify raising parking prices. Some background: the Chiefs raised parking prices last year if you pay at the gate because they want you to pre-pay (for the old price I believe) on the theory it makes things easier on whoever's working at the gates to the giant parking lot around Arrowhead and everyone should get in faster. Some people say it isn't working at all, and it's the perfect talk radio bullshit thing to get extremely mad about and waste an hour talking about.

Dorsey was actually a lot more patient than I would have been, he said he's a football guy and that's a question for the business side of the organization. He did give the guy a soundbite about when his wife goes to games saying she thinks the traffic flow getting in and out of the stadium is better than it has been in the past, which is more than he needed to do. Wasn't enough for this reporter guy who asked something like 'is that all you can give me?' Dorsey's still not just shutting this little poo poo down and says I can give you the phone number of the correct department for that question. Still not enough, the reporter/radio guy/whoever he was says something like 'don't give me a phone number, get someone up here who can answer those questions.'

Nothing like good, hard hitting questions during a press conference specifically called to talk about the draft that is happening in 6 days.

Grittybeard fucked around with this message at 03:17 on Apr 22, 2017

# ? Apr 22, 2017 03:15

Forever_Peace: May 7, 2007; Shoe do do do do do do do Shoe do do do do do do yeah Shoe do do do do do do do Shoe do do do do do do yeah

quote:

Some of my more astute Twitter followers may have noticed that I�m a fan of Kendrick Lamar�s new single Humble (though for my money, DNA is still the best song on his new album). Humbled is exactly how Adrian Peterson must have felt when he signed with the New Orleans Saints on Tuesday.

# ? Apr 27, 2017 14:32

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

so good

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/miami-dolphins/dolphins-blog/fl-sp-dolphins-omar-kelly-open-letter-20170726-story.html

there is so much but i'll just start where it really gets good. Like I don't know what to even put in bold below lol.

quote:

With that said, you need to know I have expectations for you folks too.

We�ve done this song and dance every year for 11 seasons so I�m just going to get to the point. This is what you need to know about training camp and my coverage:

My reporting, twitter account, and Instagram posts aren�t for everyone, so only those who like their reporting and analysis with a little kick to it should follow me, or read my work.

I�ve consistently said I�m like a shot of Hennessy. I burn the chest when I go down, but I�ll get you where you need to be. My style has always been to be candid, but fair. It�s not an act. It�s who I am. I prefer people shoot it straight to me, and therefore I�ll shoot it straight to you.

I prepare you for the worst, but I also pride myself on my accuracy, and ability to evaluate football.

What does that mean? I won�t tell you what you want to hear. I�ll tell you what you need to hear.

If you only care about fantasy football stuff, or ball watching. � I�m not the right follow for you.

I like trench play. No, I love trench play, and that�s where my focus goes because that�s what decides the outcome of 85 percent of football games. Win the line of scrimmage and you�ll win the game.

For those who are new to Dolphins fandom because your favorite college player or the pupil you coached got drafted to the team or your son, uncle, cousin, boyfriend, college roommate got signed or traded to the Dolphins please, pretty please observe how I work and operate before getting in our feelings and telling me how mean I am, or how much of a jerk I am.

The core of my fan base is built on people who disliked me, then realized I was right.

Players are rarely ever honest about how they perform in practice, or how they are doing at work. Even though the coach is chewing them out daily, they�ll all tell you guys they are doing awesome. They all believe they�re making the 53-man roster.

That�s where I come in. I�m not saying I�m the gospel, or always right, but my track record speaks for itself.

Trust me, I don�t have anything against (insert player�s name here), even if he�s tried to fight me (it happens). If Little Johnny performs poorly on Thursday, I�ll say so. If he rebounds and has a great day on Friday, I�ll say so. It is never anything personal. I have a job to do, and my honesty and accuracy has built this following.

However, I do develop favorites, or players that intrigue me the most. But those are based off performances daily, and expectations.

If I expected Julius Thomas to be good and he�s just okay, it is what it is. I�m not closing the book on him. I�m waiting and watching for improvement.

But if I expected Drew Morgan to be a camp body and he�s consistently making plays, looking like the next Chris Hogan, well now you have my attention and intrigue.

I�m what people call �an influencer.� It�s a new term that I�m not really comfortable with, but it is what it is. I don�t intend to be, but it�s the cross I carry. Doesn�t mean that my opinion is the gospel, or that I�m right. It�s just my opinion. And when I�m wrong I�ll say I was wrong.

However, I need to ask you a favor. Don�t mention my name to Little Johnny because I�d prefer to avoid that moment that happens annually at training camp when a player hears my name so much from his mother, childhood coach or fiancee that he�ll ask a veteran to point me out. Then the veteran points me out as they walk off the field.

I�m not his problem, his play is. And trust me, I�m not harder on him than his coaches have been in team meetings.

Those exchanges make things quite uncomfortable. I�m not the only Dolphins reporter or columnist doing what I do. I�m just the easiest to recognize, and I�d honestly rather fly under the radar. I turned 40 this year, so I�ve got proof I�m getting too old for the drama.

To the casual fans, I know we�ve got history.

I know I�m perceived as �Mr. Always Negative,� but please do keep in mind the train wrecks of Dolphins teams I�ve covered for the last decade. Who told you they were feeding you poo pies and telling you it was Sloppy Joe? (This guy.)

Times are a changing, so maybe I will too. I can�t promise you I�ll shake my �this glass is half empty,� mindset to the world. Living a hard life has made me this way, and it won�t change overnight. But covering a winner makes me happy, and hopefully that continues.

If you see me at training camp, please speak.

I don�t bite (okay, I bite on Twitter sometimes), and I hate when people act like they�ve seen a ghost when they run into me. If we interact on Twitter show me your avatar and I�ll probably know exactly who you are, and what you think about the team (I pay attention). If we�ve hung out on the road just remind me.

Nobody knows where life is leading us, so let�s live in the moment. We should all enjoy this ride because tomorrow, or next season isn�t promised to anyone.

On that note � let us raise a glass to raising the bar in 2017.

# ? Jul 27, 2017 13:29

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Ehud posted:

so good

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/miami-dolphins/dolphins-blog/fl-sp-dolphins-omar-kelly-open-letter-20170726-story.html

there is so much but i'll just start where it really gets good. Like I don't know what to even put in bold below lol.

this is the kind of post that should be put in a snifter and swirled around a bit before savoring

# ? Jul 27, 2017 13:42

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

Ehud posted:

so good

there is so much but i'll just start where it really gets good. Like I don't know what to even put in bold below lol.

I'd go with this for bolding: I�m what people call �an influencer.� It�s a new term that I�m not really comfortable with, but it is what it is. I don�t intend to be, but it�s the cross I carry

# ? Jul 27, 2017 13:57

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

Grittybeard posted:

I'd go with this for bolding: I�m what people call �an influencer.� It�s a new term that I�m not really comfortable with, but it is what it is. I don�t intend to be, but it�s the cross I carry

# ? Jul 27, 2017 14:02

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

Grittybeard posted:

I'd go with this for bolding: I�m what people call �an influencer.� It�s a new term that I�m not really comfortable with, but it is what it is. I don�t intend to be, but it�s the cross I carry

I don't know that there has ever been a sentence that so perfectly summed up Omar Kelly

# ? Jul 27, 2017 14:29

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; Dead? That's what they want you to think.

Grittybeard posted:

I'd go with this for bolding: I�m what people call �an influencer.� It�s a new term that I�m not really comfortable with, but it is what it is. I don�t intend to be, but it�s the cross I carry

The next one is even more amazing.

quote:

However, I need to ask you a favor. Don�t mention my name to Little Johnny because I�d prefer to avoid that moment that happens annually at training camp when a player hears my name so much from his mother, childhood coach or fiancee that he�ll ask a veteran to point me out. Then the veteran points me out as they walk off the field.

# ? Jul 27, 2017 14:30

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Ehud how much would you pay for a super cut of Kelly backing down every time he gets confronted at training camp

# ? Jul 27, 2017 15:03

pangstrom: Jan 25, 2003; Wedge Regret

Ehud posted:

so good

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/miami-dolphins/dolphins-blog/fl-sp-dolphins-omar-kelly-open-letter-20170726-story.html

there is so much but i'll just start where it really gets good. Like I don't know what to even put in bold below lol.

Oh my god. Grittybeard already got the money shot but this was my other favorite one. Thinly veiled desperate-and-lonely plea.

I don�t bite (okay, I bite on Twitter sometimes), and I hate when people act like they�ve seen a ghost when they run into me. If we interact on Twitter show me your avatar and I�ll probably know exactly who you are, and what you think about the team (I pay attention). If we�ve hung out on the road just remind me.

# ? Jul 27, 2017 15:07

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

That article has to be objective proof that the Sports editor doesn't read a single word of what Kelly types

# ? Jul 27, 2017 15:10

sean10mm: Jun 29, 2005; It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World

Mel Mudkiper posted:

That article has to be objective proof that the Sports editor doesn't read a single word of what Kelly types

Or it was even more self important to start with.

Somehow.

# ? Jul 27, 2017 15:37

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; Dead? That's what they want you to think.

sean10mm posted:

Or it was even more self important to start with.

Somehow.

I'm imagining the original.

# ? Jul 27, 2017 15:45

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

sean10mm posted:

Or it was even more self important to start with.

Somehow.

I feel like even then a decent editor would be like "Omar, half of this article about Dolphins training camp cannot be about how important you feel you are"

# ? Jul 27, 2017 16:13

pangstrom: Jan 25, 2003; Wedge Regret

Mel Mudkiper posted:

I feel like even then a decent editor would be like "Omar, half of this article about Dolphins training camp cannot be about how important you feel you are"

But then Omar would gently caress him up on twitter and he'd just end up realizing Omar was right all along like Omar's other fans and just feel guilty for piling onto a guy who is already carrying quite a heavy cross.

Then, years later and retired, the editor would get a wild hair and decide to have a shot of Hennessey and think "hey, this reminds me of that Omar fellow".

# ? Jul 27, 2017 16:30

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Lol my track record speaks for itself

*constantly wrong*
*says don't play gotcha, he changes his opinions*
*somehow still wrong*

THE CROSS I BEAR

# ? Jul 27, 2017 16:42

Mel Mudkiper: Jan 19, 2012; At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

I am 100% positive he pays hookers to wear a mask of him when the gently caress

# ? Jul 27, 2017 16:44

warcrimes: Jul 6, 2013; I don't know what's it called, I just know the sound it makes when it takes a J4G's life.

Amy Pole Her posted:

Lol my track record speaks for itself

*constantly wrong*
*says don't play gotcha, he changes his opinions*
*somehow still wrong*

THE CROSS I BEAR

The Football Funhouse � Writing & reporting in today's NFL: The cross I bear

The Football Funhouse � Writing & reporting in today's NFL: I�m what people call �an influencer.�

# ? Jul 27, 2017 21:21

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; Dead? That's what they want you to think.

I'm kinda the tastemaker around here. Pretty much what I say goes.

- Mac, Omar

# ? Jul 27, 2017 21:25

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 04:16

Mr. Funny Pants: Apr 9, 2001

Grittybeard posted:

I'd go with this for bolding: I�m what people call �an influencer.� It�s a new term that I�m not really comfortable with, but it is what it is. I don�t intend to be, but it�s the cross I carry

Holy poo poo, yes, the exact one I thought as I read it. It's masterful. Look at the layers! Bragging, fake humility, and finishes it off with self-declared martyrdom. He's amazing.

pangstrom posted:

I hate when people act like they’ve seen a ghost when they run into me.

They aren't looking at you like you're a ghost Omar, they're looking at you like you're an rear end in a top hat.

# ? Jul 28, 2017 03:18

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Writing & reporting in today's NFL: One extra-wide horse shit latte please

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