Relaxed Tea Discussion.

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Relaxed Tea Discussion.

Buschmaki: Dec 26, 2012; ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿Lean Addict︵‿︵‿︵‿

I'm not really a tea expert, but I really like the idea of being one. I guess my tea aspirations don't matter to you much, here is what Wikipedia tells me tea is, "Tea is an aromatic beverage commonly prepared by pouring hot or boiling water over cured leaves of the tea plant, Camellia sinensis. After water, tea is the most widely consumed beverage in the world." I really have no idea, but that seems about right. Anyway, the limit of my tea knowledge + experience is basically Starbucks and generic brands, but I still think that tea is really nice. It's a warm beverage that I like because I'm too much of a baby to handle coffee and am too embarrassed to drink hot chocolate in public. There are apparently different kinds of tea? It'd be cool if someone knew the answers to these questions, but if not you can just sit back, take a load off, relax, and talk about tea I guess.

# ? Jun 12, 2014 14:58

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# ? May 28, 2024 20:43

Joust: Dec 7, 2007; No Ledges.

A good read about tea

# ? Jun 12, 2014 14:59

Butthead: May 31, 2011

Tea is a symbol of the Brits desire to rule over Americans. gently caress the British!

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:05

Trixie Hardcore: Jul 1, 2006; Placeholder.

Just drink some tea, buddy. It's not that complex. I like spiced mint teas, most black teas and green teas that taste like you poured some hot water on grass. This morning I had a strong black tea flavored with lychee, it was pretty good. Just drink lots of different tea & you will become an expert. But don't tell anyone you are an expert, let it be our secret.

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:08

Fatkraken: Jun 23, 2005; Fun-time is over.

I like PG tips with milk and sugar.

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:09

Calidar: Mar 23, 2014

Earl Grey with milk and sugar, there's nothing better. Every now and then I'll throw in a cup of Lady Grey for that orangy zing.

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:13

Shirley Crabtree: Aug 8, 2012

I unironically sell loose tea for a living because I am a living stereotype of an effeminate Imperialist British wanker (as some of you have already discovered). If you take it with milk have an Assam otherwise a Darjeeling is lovely and light. If you are a flowery tea loving ponce or an old woman drink Earl Grey with a bit of lemon. Biscuits are optional but recommended. Oh so true story from this morning an American lady came in and called me y'all twice even though there is just one of me. I flogged her a ridiculously overpriced traditional English fine bone China teapot because she didn't know any better (after giving her a snooty look of disgust).

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:15

Butthead: May 31, 2011

Trixie Hardcore posted:

Just drink some tea, buddy. It's not that complex.

Hell no, I'm not falling for this trick. That's how it always starts out.

"Hey try some of this delicious tea."

*forces tea monopoly on your land*
*charges tea taxes*
*uses tea tax revenue to pay your elected officials to do their bidding*

gently caress off with your tea.

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:17

Crewmine: Apr 26, 2012

pro tea tip: if you're in london, there's a tea emporium in covent garden that does free samples of fancy teas and coffees. The staff are pretty meek so if you move with determination you can drink about two mugs worth from tiny sampler shots before they notice the strong smell of urine and that you're homeless and definitely won't buy anything

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:17

Other Barry: Jun 5, 2012; Dinosaur Gum

George Orwell posted:

If you look up 'tea' in the first cookery book that comes to hand you will probably find that it is unmentioned; or at most you will find a few lines of sketchy instructions which give no ruling on several of the most important points.

This is curious, not only because tea is one of the main stays of civilization in this country, as well as in Eire, Australia and New Zealand, but because the best manner of making it is the subject of violent disputes.

When I look through my own recipe for the perfect cup of tea, I find no fewer than eleven outstanding points. On perhaps two of them there would be pretty general agreement, but at least four others are acutely controversial. Here are my own eleven rules, every one of which I regard as golden:

First of all, one should use Indian or Ceylonese tea. China tea has virtues which are not to be despised nowadays � it is economical, and one can drink it without milk � but there is not much stimulation in it. One does not feel wiser, braver or more optimistic after drinking it. Anyone who has used that comforting phrase 'a nice cup of tea' invariably means Indian tea.

Secondly, tea should be made in small quantities � that is, in a teapot. Tea out of an urn is always tasteless, while army tea, made in a cauldron, tastes of grease and whitewash. The teapot should be made of china or earthenware. Silver or Britanniaware teapots produce inferior tea and enamel pots are worse; though curiously enough a pewter teapot (a rarity nowadays) is not so bad.

Thirdly, the pot should be warmed beforehand. This is better done by placing it on the hob than by the usual method of swilling it out with hot water.

Fourthly, the tea should be strong. For a pot holding a quart, if you are going to fill it nearly to the brim, six heaped teaspoons would be about right. In a time of rationing, this is not an idea that can be realized on every day of the week, but I maintain that one strong cup of tea is better than twenty weak ones. All true tea lovers not only like their tea strong, but like it a little stronger with each year that passes � a fact which is recognized in the extra ration issued to old-age pensioners.

Fifthly, the tea should be put straight into the pot. No strainers, muslin bags or other devices to imprison the tea. In some countries teapots are fitted with little dangling baskets under the spout to catch the stray leaves, which are supposed to be harmful. Actually one can swallow tea-leaves in considerable quantities without ill effect, and if the tea is not loose in the pot it never infuses properly.

Sixthly, one should take the teapot to the kettle and not the other way about. The water should be actually boiling at the moment of impact, which means that one should keep it on the flame while one pours. Some people add that one should only use water that has been freshly brought to the boil, but I have never noticed that it makes any difference.

Seventhly, after making the tea, one should stir it, or better, give the pot a good shake, afterwards allowing the leaves to settle.

Eighthly, one should drink out of a good breakfast cup � that is, the cylindrical type of cup, not the flat, shallow type. The breakfast cup holds more, and with the other kind one's tea is always half cold before one has well started on it.

Ninthly, one should pour the cream off the milk before using it for tea. Milk that is too creamy always gives tea a sickly taste.

Tenthly, one should pour tea into the cup first. This is one of the most controversial points of all; indeed in every family in Britain there are probably two schools of thought on the subject. The milk-first school can bring forward some fairly strong arguments, but I maintain that my own argument is unanswerable. This is that, by putting the tea in first and stirring as one pours, one can exactly regulate the amount of milk whereas one is liable to put in too much milk if one does it the other way round.

Lastly, tea � unless one is drinking it in the Russian style � should be drunk without sugar. I know very well that I am in a minority here. But still, how can you call yourself a true tealover if you destroy the flavour of your tea by putting sugar in it? It would be equally reasonable to put in pepper or salt. Tea is meant to be bitter, just as beer is meant to be bitter. If you sweeten it, you are no longer tasting the tea, you are merely tasting the sugar; you could make a very similar drink by dissolving sugar in plain hot water.

Some people would answer that they don't like tea in itself, that they only drink it in order to be warmed and stimulated, and they need sugar to take the taste away. To those misguided people I would say: Try drinking tea without sugar for, say, a fortnight and it is very unlikely that you will ever want to ruin your tea by sweetening it again.

These are not the only controversial points to arise in connexion with tea drinking, but they are sufficient to show how subtilized the whole business has become. There is also the mysterious social etiquette surrounding the teapot (why is it considered vulgar to drink out of your saucer, for instance?) and much might be written about the subsidiary uses of tealeaves, such as telling fortunes, predicting the arrival of visitors, feeding rabbits, healing burns and sweeping the carpet. It is worth paying attention to such details as warming the pot and using water that is really boiling, so as to make quite sure of wringing out of one's ration the twenty good, strong cups of that two ounces, properly handled, ought to represent.

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:19

Shirley Crabtree: Aug 8, 2012

Crewmine posted:

pro tea tip: if you're in london, there's a tea emporium in covent garden that does free samples of fancy teas and coffees. The staff are pretty meek so if you move with determination you can drink about two mugs worth from tiny sampler shots before they notice the strong smell of urine and that you're homeless and definitely won't buy anything

I work for this exact company and this is all 100% true.

e: p.s. gently caress my life

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:19

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

picked up some orange tea this weekend

poo poo smells baller as fuuuuuuuuu

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:20

script kitty: Jan 2, 2005; GOTTA GO CATTES

hey look op im using a teabag like some sort of poor

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:25

Shirley Crabtree: Aug 8, 2012

script kitty posted:

hey look op im using a teabag like some sort of poor

That's a pyramid bag which is kind of excusable because it likely contains premium large leaf tea and not sawdust and tea scrapings swept from the floor of the factory in India.

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:27

Iprazochrome: Nov 3, 2008

I drank Pu'er tea recently, it tasted like fish and dirt. Thanks for the gross ~~rotting~~ fermented local delicacy China, but I think I'll stick to oolong in the future

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:27

Neurosis: Jun 10, 2003; Fallen Rib

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzU-BAll5lI

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:28

script kitty: Jan 2, 2005; GOTTA GO CATTES

puerh tea is the greatest what the h*ck are you talking about!?!?!?

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:28

newreply.php: Dec 24, 2009; Pillbug

gently caress YOU OP I HATE YOU!!!

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:35

PlantRobot: Feb 13, 2010

Gypsum Fantastic posted:

I work for this exact company and this is all 100% true.

e: p.s. gently caress my life

eh heh heh i'm comin for ya

so are you sick to death of tea by now

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:41

Do it ironically: Jul 13, 2010; by Pragmatica

I get my tea from http://www.davidstea.com/ cause i try to support the canadian economy thanks for listening

i don't get their weird teas i just drink plain normal boring tea though

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:47

Shirley Crabtree: Aug 8, 2012

PlantRobot posted:

eh heh heh i'm comin for ya

so are you sick to death of tea by now

I'm mostly sick to death of the hipster wanker customer base who practically orgasm at all our trendy teas and that I have to pretend like I give a poo poo about it... I'm a coffee man.

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:58

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

tea tastes nice but makes your penis smaller so it must be consumed in moderation

# ? Jun 12, 2014 15:59

Buschmaki: Dec 26, 2012; ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿Lean Addict︵‿︵‿︵‿

I did some more reading on tea, and the American South actually chills and sweeten their tea (I knew this beforehand, this is unrelated to my tea reading.) Iced tea is pretty nice, but do you think tea purists would look down on me for drinking it? I don't give a gently caress either way, I just have to know how this will affect my study of tea.

# ? Jun 12, 2014 16:19

Maoist Pussy: Feb 12, 2014; by Lowtax

By the way, herbal tea is not really tea and if I visit your home and you offer me tea but you have 15 boxes of "herbal tea" and literally no black tea I will murder you

# ? Jun 12, 2014 16:22

Ocean Book: Sep 27, 2010; - hi

gently caress!

# ? Jun 12, 2014 16:43

poverty goat: Feb 15, 2004

Maoist Pussy posted:

By the way, herbal tea is not really tea and if I visit your home and you offer me tea but you have 15 boxes of "herbal tea" and literally no black tea I will murder you

i dont have any black tea just green tea and oolong tea

# ? Jun 12, 2014 16:44

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# ? May 28, 2024 20:43

Moola: Aug 16, 2006

Maoist Pussy posted:

By the way, herbal tea is not really tea and if I visit your home and you offer me tea but you have 15 boxes of "herbal tea" and literally no black tea I will murder you

# ? Jun 12, 2014 16:45

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Relaxed Tea Discussion.