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Synopsis: An honest man gets into politics. The Biggest Liar Richard Baxter never lied. Mr. Baxter never liked politics. For a man who never lied, the byzantine deals and compromise that defined modern government left a bad taste in his mouth. Why would an honest person want to be a politician? He could never think of a good reason. Mr. Baxter's neighbors respected him. He maintained his property, respected his husband, and treated his children properly. “Richard's an alright sort,” they said of him, “He always does the right thing.” Richard liked being respectable. It came naturally to him. Mr. Baxter liked his neighborhood. The streets were clean. His children could play with the other boys and girls safely. People were friendly. The mayor kept a good handle on things. Mr. Baxter enjoyed life. Eventually the mayor died, or resigned, or retired. A new one got elected. A couple years passed, and the streets aren't as clean anymore. People weren't as friendly any more. The neighborhood didn't feel as safe anymore. His friends pleaded with him. “Richard, run for office. You'd be much better than this.” He didn't listen. Mr. Baxter never liked politics. No one opposed the new mayor. More years went by. His children didn't like to play outside anymore; they didn't feel safe. The streets were dirty. Vacant lots dotted the neighborhood, grass growing out of control. “Richard, please,” the neighborhood begged, “We can't keep living like this.” He wanted so badly to not listen, but he couldn't lie to himself. They were right. Mr. Baxter ran for office. His neighborhood voted for him. The next neighborhood over, too, and the one past that. Enough people voted for him that he won, to his surprise. To his even greater surprise, Mr. Baxter didn't hate politics as much as he thought he did. Running a town was easy. He didn't have to lie or scheme or compromise to do what had to be done. Soon the streets were clean again. People felt safe outside their own homes. Businesses opened up, schools thrived. Mr. Baxter's plans worked. The town came back to life. People respected him even more than before. “Mr. Baxter's an alright mayor,” they said of him, full of pride, “he always does the right thing.” Richard liked being respectable. It came naturally to him. Richard liked his town. Years went by. Mr. Baxter's town flourished, even while their neighbors wilted and withered. The rest of the county suffered despite his town's success. The state's legislature was deadlocked on several key issues. Their neighbors pleaded with him. “Mayor Baxter, run for office. You'd be much better than this.” He wanted so badly to not listen, to stay with his town, but he couldn't lie to himself. He knew he could do better. Mr. Baxter ran for office. His town voted for him. The next town over, too, and the one past that. Enough people voted for him that he won. He wasn't surprised. State legislature was different, though. Here he was just one neighbor in a very important neighborhood. Here he had to make deals in order to accomplish anything. Sometimes those deals involved things the people in his town wouldn't like. He made them anyway, because he couldn't lie to himself. He knew it was for the best, but his people couldn't know about it. Years went by. Mr. Baxter's peers respected him. He maintained his county and treated his people properly. He didn't have as much time for his husband anymore. His children graduated and moved out. He never talked to his neighbors anymore. But it was all for the best. He was making life better for everyone. Eventually the governor died, or resigned, or retired. Mr. Baxter saw an opportunity to do even more. He ran for office, but the campaign was expensive. Several companies offered to help him out, in exchange for favors later. Mr. Baxter accepted their help, because he couldn't lie to himself. He knew it was for the best, but his people couldn't know about it. The people in his county voted for him. The people in the next county over, too, and the one after that. Enough people voted for him that he won. He would have been surprised if the result was closer. Governor Baxter liked being governor. He could help all the people in his state. Not everyone agreed with him. He just ignored them. What did they know, anyway? He was the one in office, not them. He helped out the companies that helped him win. Sometimes, things worked out and the towns they picked flourished. Others, the streets ended up less clean. Children didn't like to play outside anymore. Vacant lots sprouted tall grass. Governor Baxter didn't really pay attention to those places. He couldn't lie to himself. He knew that it was for the best, but his people wouldn't understand. Years passed. One of his state's senators died, or resigned, or retired. Governor Baxter saw an opportunity to do even more. This campaign was even more expensive than the last. More companies offered to help him out, in exchange for favors later. Mr. Baxter accepted their help, because he couldn't lie to himself. He knew it was in his best interests. His people couldn't know about it. The people in his district voted for him. He was willing to bet that the people in the next district over would have, too, and even the next state over. He would have been surprised if they hadn't. Senator Baxter liked being a senator. It was a new neighborhood, but he knew what to do by now. Not everyone agreed with him, but this time he manipulated them. If they wouldn't agree with him, he found something they didn't want their people to know, and make them agree with him. His popularity soared. He couldn't lie to himself. He knew it was for the best, but the country wouldn't understand. His political power grew. He was in charge. People listened to him. His husband didn't. His children didn't. They wanted their husband and father back. He just ignored them. What did they know, anyway? He was the one in office, not them. Senator Baxter helped out the companies that helped him win. Sometimes, things worked out and the counties they picked flourished. Others, the streets ended up less clean. Children didn't like to play outside anymore. Vacant lots sprouted tall grass. Senator Baxter didn't really pay attention to those places. He couldn't lie to himself. He knew that it was for the best, and that the people didn't understand. Senator Baxter wasn't satisfied with just being a senator. He decided to run for the last office. This time he sought out the companies. He needed their money for the campaign. He made promises. He made backroom deals with rivals and enemies. When those didn't work, he blackmailed. He extorted. In all his years' experience he had mastered politics. The people in his state voted for him. The people in the next state over did, too, and the people in the one after that. Enough people voted for him that he won. In private, he spit at the people that didn't. President-Elect Baxter put his hand on a book. He rose his right hand. Richard Baxter never told the truth. Not even to himself.
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Jun 30, 2014 19:35
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| # ? May 15, 2024 06:49 |
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I like the folktale quality of this story. I like the repetition too, though there are a few things you can do to head off the naysayers on that front (more on that later). Don't let anyone tell you this has to become a traditional short story with a backstory for Baxter, etc. That said, the moral of the story seems quite pat. In TYOOL 2014, corporate kickbacks and government deadlock are par for the course. No one believes that politicians (even local politicians, sometimes the brutalist of them all), are in it out of the goodness of their hearts, or that they can easily help the community. Yes, he can start out that way, but his journey into corruption needs to be more ambiguous and also more complex. What I would do is imagine Cory Booker. Maybe you already did. What makes a man like Cory Booker get into politics? What makes him succeed? What might he compromise on when faced with a corrupt system? How would he make the people love him? Why do a section of D&D goons hate Cory Booker despite his popularity and progressive stances? What finally makes him part of the System instead of outside it? How would he convince people to keep voting for him long after he's become part of the system everyone hates? What is the ultimate tragedy in a Booker-Baxter world? Pick a pet project for Baxter to be focused on, so we can see how it evolves with his ever more important positions, and his declining morality. The empty lot would be a decent metaphor. Something to show the effects of his career. Your instincts are also correct that the story ends the moment he takes the oath of the presidency, with a stinger line at the end. "Mr. Baxter never told the truth" is not your stinger. Maybe it's something that cuts back home to the street where it all began. Maybe it closes the circle. Maybe its your metaphor. Summary: this is a good story with a solid structure that you can easily kick up a level or two to be sublime.
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Jul 1, 2014 02:35
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Defenestration posted:I like the folktale quality of this story. I like the repetition too, though there are a few things you can do to head off the naysayers on that front (more on that later). Don't let anyone tell you this has to become a traditional short story with a backstory for Baxter, etc. Good review, appreciate the feedback. A little bit of background on the writing conditions: I got the phrase "Richard Baxter never lies" stuck in my head trying to go to sleep, and it wouldn't go away until I wrote something. This took right around an hour and a half, and is sans anything besides a minor spellcheck before I passed out for the night. I'm concerned that by picking a project, or by going into detail I'd lose the ability to perform that repetition in the way that the story really needs in order to keep up the flow of reading. Coming back to the same simple points with a slightly different color is what drives the story in my mind. The streets are clean (or are not), children feel safe (or do not), lots are vacant (or are not), and Mr. Baxter never lies. If anything, I think that not having a point of obsession drives the point more cleanly. There's nothing specific that Mr. Baxter becomes caught up in, nowhere he is required to sully his dignity and squander his morals. That he does so by choice is an important point. On another site one of the comments I received mentioned that the theme would be better reinforced by keeping it repetitive wherein the stinger is "Richard Baxter never lies", rather than the opposite. I definitely don't think that going back to the street he lives/d on is a good idea - he's transformed far beyond being the respected neighbor. Those days are long gone, and explicitly stating that those days are long gone either outright or by demonstration loses a little something I can't quite put my finger on.
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Jul 1, 2014 05:47
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Strobe posted:Good review, appreciate the feedback. A little bit of background on the writing conditions: I got the phrase "Richard Baxter never lies" stuck in my head trying to go to sleep, and it wouldn't go away until I wrote something. This took right around an hour and a half, and is sans anything besides a minor spellcheck before I passed out for the night. Simple points with a different color is exactly what I'm saying here. Short 1-sentence descriptions, but rather than a binary "the streets are clean or they're not," (which tbh doesn't have a lot of stakes or consequences attached to it), "the lot down the street was empty" "the lot down the street became a park" "they tore down the park down the street for a strip mall" etc. Richard Baxter never lies could be your stinger but you're have to include things he said throughout, not just things that his constituents say about him. Again, these can be pithy one liners, they can be strongly connected, all of that. Remember that repetition doesn't have to be word by word repeats. You can repeat themes, paragraph structure, motifs, single words that appear elsewhere. You can do these things and it'll keep it's folktale structure while you add more flavor and layers to the details.
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Jul 2, 2014 12:33
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I really like the repetition, the satire, and the leering lyricism here. The lines you choose to underline repeatedly are some of the most colourful and they helpfully build up not just the narration's cynicism, but also the physical Everyworld (not sure if this is a term but I'll go with it) of Mr Baxter's (or anyone's) ill-fated town and region. It's almost poetic, but I like how the prose means it doesn't seem fractured, it just winds on and on over and over again until the obvious realisation is numbed. That said, maybe you could enhance the musicality a little with subtle rhymes and half-rhymes within each paragraph, for the sake of humour and - perhaps more importantly - alleviate some of the moodiness on show. A lot of that has already been done though. I think the weaker points here come in the later sections, where the reality might be hammered home a little too heavily. Asking questions for instance switches the point-of-view more directly to Baxter, but the way he is taken over is almost something he shouldn't have to wrestle with; when the narration is more detached from him, the matter of course feels less spiteful of both him and the reader. Personally I think it's enough to mention that his family see less and less of him, that the town begins to decay again. Although Baxter is - for the best - not a typically "rounded" character, I think there is a risk of him being demoted to the stereotype of a more hateful little weasel. I feel like the real tragedy is that, as he continues to believe his bigger and bigger lies (implied throughout), then he loses all identity anyway - apart from his increasingly grand titles, he is invisible. Enjoyed reading and feel like it's good ground to write about. Hope this helps.
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Jul 2, 2014 15:58
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