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Ok let's open this up with the statement that I cannot search earlier posts and I don't know if anyone else posted something like this. I have been ridiculously confused my whole life if I should be male or female. Lately, I realize that I like both (males moreso) and that I don't feel comfortable in my skin. I hate being female but I like being female, if that makes any sense. I like doing the whole shopping and cooking and baking and having a fit over attractive men, but really I don't feel like I should have a vagina. I have dreams where I have a penis which I like yet being myself and female I am also uncomfortable. I have tried dating many times and maybe I am just looking in the wrong place but it seems I never find someone that interests me. (Last person said they were 34, then 38, profile said 39 and after a google search, turns out they were 49). I was honestly seriously debating telling everyone I know, and then my recent illness struck (fibromyalgia) and I haven't had the energy or tolerance to discuss it. Anyone have some ideas as to go about this? I have no one to ask (too chicken to ask my bi brother, he would tell everyone) but you guys.
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Jul 11, 2014 04:25
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I'd try in E/N.
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Jul 11, 2014 05:24
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Men can shop,bake, and have fits over attractive men as well  Besides maybe wanting a penis, would you like to appear masculine in other ways? Or do you maybe want a mixture of both worlds? You might feel better getting your thoughts out to a therapist as well. Someone who is experienced in sex and gender issues, at least, could probably help guide you to feeling more comfortable with yourself.
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Jul 11, 2014 05:43
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curiousitychaos posted:I have no one to ask (too chicken to ask my bi brother, he would tell everyone) but you guys. I can honestly tell you that these are some rather complex issues and, while general advice from people who have experienced this before may be of some use and benefit, I really think you should consider discussing this with an appropriately trained therapist. Are these issues particularly troubling you or causing you worry or are you asking as more of a general interest thing? I can guarantee you that you're not the first person to have these thoughts but I can tell you that most people I've known who have had these thoughts required someone in their life to talk to in order to work through them... posting about it on a message board may not cut it.
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Jul 11, 2014 10:38
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drat you hit the quadfecta of gender identity issues, bisexuality, online dating and fibromyalgia.
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Jul 11, 2014 15:24
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tbp posted:drat you hit the quadfecta of gender identity issues, bisexuality, online dating and fibromyalgia. Beautiful, isn't it? I'll second the suggestion of finding a good therapist. I've found them invaluable for helping to work through so many things. Someone who's well-versed in gender/sexuality issues would be ideal, but any therapist worth their salt should be helpful. I have no idea what the current state of the thread is, but there's also a trans megathread in e/n that might be helpful to you.
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Jul 11, 2014 21:00
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If there's an LGBTQ community group in your area, they might have suggestions for friendly or knowledgeable therapists. Though anybody decent you could find would probably know some good people and give a referral.
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Jul 12, 2014 08:00
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Back in my day we'd solve this desire with a strap-on but yolo get therapy or whatever.
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Jul 12, 2014 10:36
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I could tell you about gay dudes I've known who were closeted to all hell, but I don't think any of it really applies to you or would help you. So yeah, go visit a sex therapist, ideally someone who specializes in gender issues. This sounds like it's a serious issue to you and not something you should rely on internet strangers for.
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Jul 13, 2014 00:04
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Actually I'm kind of like the OP when it comes to the whole "I feel sometimes like I should have a penis and I have dreams about it." I think for me, the problem is that the kind of lifestyle I would like to lead is not compatible with the aggravation of having to wear a bra, having an orifice that leaks messily on a regular basis, and having people not take me seriously because I'm female.
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Jul 15, 2014 08:15
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curiousitychaos posted:I have tried dating many times and maybe I am just looking in the wrong place but it seems I never find someone that interests me. (Last person said they were 34, then 38, profile said 39 and after a google search, turns out they were 49). The way you write this is alarming. You say you have tried dating many times, and can't find someone who interests you; implying that you go on dates with people, get to know them, and then you find that you don't have enough in common with them for a relationship, or that you don't find them intriguing. However, the parenthetical anecdote refers to something particularly egregious, and hopefully an outlier in your experience: someone completely lying about their identity to you. That's on a different level from "not being interested in someone". Were you dating that person?
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Jul 16, 2014 01:16
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