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Hello all. I am a longtime lurker and having seen success stories (like Cornholio) here, I think this would be a good place to write about my experience of getting divorced and then recovering financially. I am going to leave E/N out of this as much as possible because it's really not relevant or important, plus this is BFC not E/N. What I do want to focus on is getting back on my feet, after a divorce. I am hoping there are other divorced goons who can be helpful, supportive, whatever about the business side of a divorce. So--here is all the important info to go with my thread:
So overall, it is a simple divorce since there will be no custody fights or fights over property/assets/debts. My goal is to come out of the divorce while still maintaining my excellent credit score. I also want to pay off all the debt and have an emergency fund before moving out on my own again. I'm turning 30 soon and I would prefer to start it out with my financial house of cards in order. I want to post a budget, but I'm going to refrain from that until I meet with an attorney, get an idea of costs, and get my next paycheck (which will come the week of Thanksgiving). Also, I have some business travel upcoming tomorrow through Wednesday, so I might only check this thread sporadically until I'm home on Thursday.
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Nov 16, 2014 21:34
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| # ? May 4, 2024 15:39 |
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You are doing the correct thing getting your names off joint holdings. Best to do this quickly. Things can start out good and turn to poo poo later so this is a good move. You get the car and the debts. That's not great but looking after your credit rather than chasing him is probably going to burn a lot less energy. If you aren't happy with your dad paying the legal fees the next best arrangement for family harmony is have him pay the fees but as an interest free family loan to you. The shittiest part of your finances is clearly the credit card debt. You shouldn't be carrying balances and only paying minimums as that's how people get into serious financial trouble. You will need to live within your means, by that you can no longer accumulate debt and must pay off the credit cards. The next small step for this thread is to list the credit cards in order of interest rate from highest to lowest. Once you have done that you need to work on paying off the card with the highest rate first and allow enough money to pay the minimums on the other cards. The general rule of thumb for life from my perspective is that if you can work full time then you should work full time. Full time work is good for both digging your way out of poo poo and later having financial security.
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Nov 16, 2014 22:42
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Don't assume your ex will remain cooperative and amicable through the proceedings, which will take a lot longer than you think. Get a good attorney, listen to them, and take all the actions they suggest to protect yourself. It will cost quite a bit, but it is worth it.
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Nov 18, 2014 05:31
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I know this is going against most people's advice here, but in my case, where my ex and I both decided on what we felt was a fair split, and no kids involved, we both decided to file without lawyers. It saved both of us a lot of money, and that was nice for both of us in rebuilding after the split. If he is getting a lawyer I would absolutely get one as well if I were you, but if you two are still communicating at this point and have things split already, maybe you could just go for legal help to make sure the paperwork is filled out correctly. It sounds like you've taken care of pretty much everything else. Do you have a car loan, or is it paid off? If it's a loan, you might need to pay a fee for them to run a credit check before they would take his name off the loan. If you decide to go with a lawyer, I definitely understand not wanting to borrow money from family to pay the fees, and I get wanting to fix your own mess, but I'd also remember that your dad wants you in a better position, so if borrowing the lawyer fees helps with that, I'm sure he'd feel better about that.
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Nov 19, 2014 15:03
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When you get some time to consider, I would take a good long look at all the stuff you have in storage (once you are clear legally that you own all of it) and decide what you will and won't need going forward. Often, it costs more to hold on to all that stuff in a storage unit for a long time than the stuff is worth, so it may be smarter to sell off all the stuff you can and throw out the rest, then just buy new poo poo when you need it again. It can be really freeing to dispose of all that crap too. I also would really think about letting your dad help you out, or sitting down with him and having a discussion about your financials at least. Getting out from under all that credit card debt is a big priority, and if he wants to help and has the means to, you should really consider accepting that. Or maybe working out some kind of personal loan that you'll pay back to him instead. It can be hard but sometimes it's important to be pragmatic. Anything to reduce the amount of interest you're going to be on the hook for should be a priority.
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Nov 20, 2014 19:44
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Thanks all! I am back with an update. Sorry for the delay--my business trip involved flying between both coasts and tons of meetings and whatever so I had no time to check in. My dad hasn't offered help and I feel kind of uncomfortable asking him. I'm not really sure what to do as far as that goes BUT living with my dad is a huge help in itself. So I can't really complain. I am meeting an attorney tomorrow morning. She charges $1,250 which includes court costs. I have $625 in savings and she only needs half tomorrow, with the other half payable when my ex returns his signed portion. Would you guys say I should clean out my savings to pay her, to avoid the first half going on a credit card? But then I have nothing left for emergencies. I don't anticipate the attorney billing more than what she quoted. My ex is still being very cooperative and is not going to dodge the paperwork when it's served and etc. Going full time at work is also in the works. There are some logistical issues with that, but I should hopefully be able to make that happen in December. Which means health insurance for me (yay--and my company has great plans at reasonable prices). So my priorities are as follows: 1) Pay the attorney the first half of the retainer 2) Rebuild a little bit of savings (maybe like $500 just in case?) 3) Pay the second half of attorney fees 4) Start hammering credit card debt...hard...until it is all gone Thoughts?
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Nov 21, 2014 03:12
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Things sound good on the job front! I wouldn't use what you have in savings for the attorney, build up that emergency buffer then tackle the credit cards. I hope everything goes well for you, glad your ex is being cooperative!
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Nov 21, 2014 13:33
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I wound up having to use the savings to pay the first half of the lawyer fees. She didn't take AMEX, and my Citi Visa card didn't have $625 on it as far as credit goes in order to use that. But on the upside, I avoided $625 in debt? My ex conferenced into the meeting and we agreed on all the separation terms that I put in the OP so it will all be in writing. There were a couple other terms we thought of that went in as well. He has to pay me half of the court costs ($206) on December 1 and $350 on January 1. We also agreed that if we get a tax refund we each get half, and if we owe we each have to pay half. Those are his only obligations to me. The paperwork will be ready next Tuesday for me to sign, and at that point I can mail him what he has to do. Once he turns it back in, she will be able to file for a court date. She estimated that the divorce will be final by end of January at the absolute longest. My next paycheck comes next week--when it does I'll post a budget here. Unfortunately my hours vary week to week right now, so my paychecks aren't always the same. Once I go full time it will be much more consistent as far as how much money I make.
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Nov 21, 2014 19:36
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Another update: I am going full time at work on 12/3. I still will be an hourly employee, but I will get a 50 cent raise for doing so. I also will be eligible for health insurance in 60 days, which I will need. My employer offers really great plans with low employee contributions, so this is excellent. I am hoping there won't be too much of a gap between when I get coverage through work and the end of being on my husband's plan.
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Nov 26, 2014 03:02
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Nine Five Four posted:Another update: I am going full time at work on 12/3. I still will be an hourly employee, but I will get a 50 cent raise for doing so. I also will be eligible for health insurance in 60 days, which I will need. My employer offers really great plans with low employee contributions, so this is excellent. I am hoping there won't be too much of a gap between when I get coverage through work and the end of being on my husband's plan. Sounds like you are on the right path and moving int the right direction. Divorce can be (is) so hard and even if it is the best it still kind of sucks. I am glad you are figuring everything out and moving down a good path.
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Nov 26, 2014 04:52
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spwrozek posted:Sounds like you are on the right path and moving int the right direction. Divorce can be (is) so hard and even if it is the best it still kind of sucks. I am glad you are figuring everything out and moving down a good path. Thanks! I appreciate it. Goons, I need further advice. I am going to have a lot of expenses next month and not enough income. Upcoming I will need to:
This week I am losing hours at work because we have Thanksgiving and Black Friday off. Next week I'll be kicking up to full time but it will take a couple weeks to ramp me up. So, my next check after the one I have coming this Friday will still be smaller, and after that they should be bigger. Meanwhile, I don't have money in savings anymore because I used it to pay the attorney the first half. I am estimating my upcoming paycheck on Friday will be about $500 and I also will get $206 from my ex on that day for his half of filing fees, so about $700. But I will have to pay auto insurance ($70--the lowest rate, I already called in to lower it) and my phone bill ($200--my ex is split off on his own plan now, but this bill is for the last month that we were together on it and it will go down a lot more for the bill due on January 1). I am trying not to get buried in credit card debt, but holy poo poo all this sucks!
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Nov 26, 2014 14:34
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For a bit longer term, I'd recommend going around and trying to find a retail store looking for holiday temp work. You won't see a paycheck for a few weeks with that, but it'll at least give you a little more cash flow in a few weeks. I know it's cutting it close here, but you might be able to find someone still needing help for Black Friday. Shorter than that though, I really don't have a good suggestion except to think about a lot of that stuff in storage and if there's anything you can part with. Whatever you can, try to sell on Craigslist or something.
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Nov 26, 2014 16:00
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I understand the want to buy a nice gift for your dad, but are you able to make something instead? My wife and I try to make thoughtful gifts for our parents instead of just buying another trinket that may or may not ever get used. For example, my father-in-law is a huge Ohio state fan and alumni. We're going to buy beer or wine glasses at Goodwill (or on clearance) and use etching acid to make him a personalized set. The glasses will have each letter of his last name, which will include the Block O (he has an O in his name). It definitely takes more time and effort than buying something, but we feel it's more in the spirit of the holiday.
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Nov 26, 2014 17:23
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Frohike999 posted:
I can't access anything that is in storage. My ex was in the Navy and got out, and now they are paying for storage up until September 2015, so it is costing neither of us money. I can have him ship it to me, but nearby the storage units cost $285 per month where I live for the size I would need. It is in our divorce agreement that he will ship it to my location of choosing when I am ready. I would like to move out of my dad's place by the end of June 2015--possibly by the end of May, if I can get all my credit card debt cleared. So I'm not too keen on selling off all the house stuff. Looking at a calendar, I will get my first full time paycheck on December 26. So, I should be able to clear my expenses in December--they just might have to wait until the end of December. It would only delay the divorce proceedings by a couple weeks overall. I can't see my ex throwing a fit about it, considering he doesn't have the money either to move things along. I'm trying to remain positive because once I pay the lawyer and register my car, that's it as far as related expenses and then hopefully beginning in January I can hammer down all the credit card debt.
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Nov 26, 2014 17:32
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Nine Five Four posted:I can't access anything that is in storage. My ex was in the Navy and got out, and now they are paying for storage up until September 2015, so it is costing neither of us money. I can have him ship it to me, but nearby the storage units cost $285 per month where I live for the size I would need. It is in our divorce agreement that he will ship it to my location of choosing when I am ready. I would like to move out of my dad's place by the end of June 2015--possibly by the end of May, if I can get all my credit card debt cleared. So I'm not too keen on selling off all the house stuff.
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Nov 26, 2014 22:07
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SiGmA_X posted:Do you have a budget? You need a budget for December. Asap. Also what software do you use to track expenses? I can post a budget for the next two weeks. I got paid a day early because of Thanksgiving, and it was more money than I thought it would be.  Paycheck: $601 Money from husband: $206 Total Income: $807 Expenses: T-Mobile: $215 (I posted above that this will be cheaper starting in January--this bill is from when we were both on a plan together, and now we are not) Auto insurance: $70 Cancer insurance: $22 Gym: $20 (I can cut this if Goons advise, but this is literally the only thing I do to get out of the house right now--I don't go to bars, go shopping, etc.). Groceries: $100 Gas: $60 Copays for counseling so I can get over the divorce: $20 EDIT: Money I paid for counseling tonight: $56.65 (had to meet my deductible--going forward though it will be about $10 per session, at once a week the next two weeks it will be $20) Left over: $244, about. I am thinking the remaining $244 can go toward registering my vehicle once my ex returns POA. This will cost $450. Thoughts? Or should I start a small emergency fund first since my savings are wiped out? I can't predict what my second paycheck will be on December 11--it's entirely dependent on how many hours I get, but beginning on the 26th it should be a steady, predictable amount every two weeks of around $900 to $950. Edit: I've tried using YNAB in the past but I'm not a fan. I am content just writing down my expenses in a simple Google Sheet. Nine Five Four fucked around with this message at 03:08 on Nov 27, 2014 |
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Nov 27, 2014 03:00
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What's the phone bill going to go down to in Jan, and are you on-contract or not? And yeah, don't dump the gym, 20 bucks isn't gonna kill you here.
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Nov 27, 2014 18:06
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100 HOGS AGREE posted:What's the phone bill going to go down to in Jan, and are you on-contract or not? I think the phone bill will be around $100. I have an iPhone 5S that is on an installment plan with them. I want to trade it for a Google Nexus 5. They said that I could get $360 of credit for the iPhone, and the Nexus is $396. I'd only have to bring $36 plus tax to the table, and then I wouldn't have an extra $27 installment on my phone bill anymore which is what I am paying for the iPhone right now. BUT...the back of my iPhone is cracked around the camera, so they won't take it as a trade until I get the phone fixed. I think that would cost around $100...I think it would be worth it to do so, but it's certainly not urgent. Probably something for January's budget, if at all. Legal stuff and getting my car in my own name are my top two priorities at the moment.
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Nov 27, 2014 20:20
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Hey OP, just chiming in to say that you're doing all right, and you're going to get even better soon. One thing you might want to do is sit down with your dad and plan out the next couple of months- from holiday events and expected bills, to how he's viewing this whole process and how you can help each other. I know when I got divorced I withdrew a lot and neglected the people around me, so it'll be good to have a reason to set aside time to talk. Keep looking up!
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Nov 27, 2014 21:41
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All right, so my target date for moving out of my dad's is no later than the end of June 2015--hopefully end of May, if I continue to be optimistic. I was looking online at storage units again. A nearby Public Storage has a move in special of $1 for the first month, and then $257 per month after that. If I have my ex ship my stuff in, say, February, it would be $1 for February and then $771 for March, April, and May. I almost think this amount is worth the peace of mind knowing that my stuff is safe. There is quite a bit I could probably sell off on Craigslist, but I'm not sure how to do that when it will all be in boxes/stacked furniture in the unit? Anywho, I also think paying $771 total for storage will be cheaper in the long run than replacing a bunch of high quality furniture and household items. Thoughts? Edit: Oh, wait! There is a Public Storage near where I plan to move when I am ready (lower cost of living area). It is $86 per month for the same size unit, with the same $1 for first month special. Perhaps I could have my stuff shipped there instead, which would also reduce the distance of the final move to my apartment. The tradeoff is, I'd have to drive up there the night before the movers come with everything and stay in a hotel so that I can meet them, since it is about 3 hours from where my dad lives. This actually might be a good idea. Thoughts again? Nine Five Four fucked around with this message at 18:40 on Nov 28, 2014 |
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Nov 28, 2014 18:24
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I have used Public Storage a few times, and private garages a few times. I was comfortable with my possessions (car parts and equipment, many thousands of dollars worth, or more) in the private garages for <1/2 the price, but I suppose security could vary. There were not cameras or guards - but there also were kids that broke in to skateboard at public storage so take the cameras and guards for whatever good they were..
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Nov 29, 2014 07:28
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I would avoid putting things in a storage unit unless you have to. If oyu move when you want to you can just have it sent straight to you right? Sounds like a cheaper and better deal.
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Nov 29, 2014 22:12
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spwrozek posted:I would avoid putting things in a storage unit unless you have to. If oyu move when you want to you can just have it sent straight to you right? Sounds like a cheaper and better deal. Yes, but then I have to worry about my ex falling off the face of the earth after the divorce is final, and he's the one with all the control over having everything sent. I'm kinda in the camp of no contact for any reason after the final decree is issued by the judge, save for sending him anything he wants that is in storage. Nine Five Four fucked around with this message at 22:21 on Nov 29, 2014 |
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Nov 29, 2014 22:15
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Nine Five Four posted:Yes, but then I have to worry about my ex falling off the face of the earth after the divorce is final, and he's the one with all the control over having everything sent. I'm kinda in the camp of no contact for any reason after the final decree is issued by the judge, save for sending him anything he wants that is in storage.
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Nov 30, 2014 05:23
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Thanks! For now, I'm going to leave it where it is--the divorce isn't final but the papers I sent him to sign do say that he has to send me the stuff regardless (and pick up or ship whatever is his in it at his own expense). I put in for an internship at work last week--if I get the internship, then I'll be in the pool for another promotion. The promotion will determine where I can afford to live. So I'm going to wait to hear back if I made it in the internship pool before I make any decisions (if I don't get into the pool, I know I can afford City A, if I do get into the pool, I can afford City B once the promotion happens). I will still be a full time employee while doing the internship, so it won't affect my pay at all. But, I'd hate to have my ex ship everything to City A only to wind up going to City B and having to do it on my own dime. Hopefully I'll know about the internship before the end of the year so that in January I'll have an idea of where to ship my stuff. Nine Five Four fucked around with this message at 19:43 on Nov 30, 2014 |
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Nov 30, 2014 19:40
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| # ? May 4, 2024 15:39 |
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Hi all, Just an update. I got hosed on work hours the last two weeks. Basically my job is like this: if clients need work, I work. If they don't, my hours diminish. Monday-Wednesday before Thanksgiving there wasn't much work. This last week was similar. So my next check will only have 30 hours on it. I have $188 in checking right now (with no need to spend any additional money). However when I get paid on Thursday I immediately have to go to the DMV to get my car titled and registered. This will cost $450 and has to be done NOW because my out of state plates are now cancelled (I switched insurance to my new state, which stopped reporting to my old state...etc.). I basically will have exactly enough money to take care of the car next week. Then 2 weeks with maybe $50 to $100 in my bank account. I did make the jump from part time to full time last Wednesday, but it takes time at my job to get fully ramped up to 40 hours a week. Hopefully by year end I'll be there. I also will get paid holidays now--over Thanksgiving I was off Thursday/Friday but didn't get paid for it since I was part time I will feel so much better in January once all these expenses are over with and I have the hours I need at work and can truly start digging myself out.
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Dec 6, 2014 15:34
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