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If I were a better person, I would say that my partner is my best friend. But that's not true, my best friend's name was Ozzie. I know that everyone thinks that their dog is the smartest, funniest and best behaved dog on Earth, but when I said it, it was true.  I know what you're thinking: he was a bit fat, and of course he left too early. He did have his weight issues, but only when he hit middle age. Christ, I'm already lying. He was a butterball the day I met him at 5 weeks old, and he stayed a butterball, despite my efforts. Stopping all treats, only buying "healthy weight" dog food and measuring it out, much to his chagrin, nothing worked.  He was never in perfect health: when he was a baby boy I noticed that his back legs popped when he would move around on my lap, and was diagnosed with patellar luxation. Glucosamine for life. No problem. Around 3 or 4 years ago, he had a tumor in his foot that required a portion of his back leg be removed. I cried like a baby and he took it like a champ. Until about a week ago, he was by all accounts healthy, if not for his weight struggles. Then, he started limping a bit and seemed to not have much strength in his back legs. I took him to the vet, and he did x-rays of his hips and rear legs, and said that everything looked OK, but advised that I give him dog aspirin and work on losing weight. A few days later, he hadn't improved, and while I sat playing PS4 like a selfish fool, he lied at my feet in his bed and defecated all over himself and his bed. I picked him up, took off my sweater, and sat with him in the bathtub with a warm washcloth and cleaned him. It was then that I rolled him over and noticed that, in the course of a few hours, one of his nipples had swollen so large that I first mistook it for his penis. I scrambled and took his lethargic little butt to the emergency vet. An x-ray showed multiple large tumors throughout his body. We both surmised that his immune system was weakened, and that led to the large nipple infection. Antibiotics were started, but the nice fellow at the emergency vet advised that, due to him being 15 years old, it would probably be best if he were put down, and he would likely not survive the treatment required. I sat in my car outside the emergency vet and cried for so long that they sent the receptionist outside to check to see if I was OK. I went back in and asked the veterinarian if he was in any pain. He told me that he was likely not, just lethargic. I told him that I couldn't bare putting him down if he wasn't hurting, and would like to take him home. He stopped eating dog food, and I broke out the big guns: Arby's. I would shred the roast beef further than it already was, and feed mouthfuls of it to him by hand. He was still fine drinking water, but he wouldn't get out of bed to use the bathroom, and if I sat him in the grass he would just lie down, so he would go in his bed. I sent my partner out for a backup bed so that one could always be in the washer, and my washcloths got much grosser. I would sleep sitting up, leaned against the wall, with my hand on his side while he slept.  The night after Thanksgiving, he breathing got very shallow. He was still alert enough, and would slowly raise his head and look at me if I said "Ozzie!" We both feel asleep late, him lying in his bed and me sitting against the wall next to it. Saturday morning came, and I absolutely had to run to the grocery. I was terrified to leave him, but I was out of cat food (which made me fear for all our lives), cigarettes and food for me. I had been surviving up to that point on delivery junk. I was gone for, at most, 25 minutes. When I came home, I tried to rouse him, but it was pointless. My best friend was gone. I cannot forgive myself for not seeing him through it. He was in the same position as when I left, so I take a very tiny amount of solace in knowing that he didn't go looking for me, but perhaps he simply couldn't. I don't really know why I'm posting this here, except maybe to ask when everything stops being horrible? I miss his loud, obnoxious snoring in my ear while I try to sleep. My passion has always been cooking, but it's horrible now. He was always the first into the kitchen with me, just in case I dropped something, but when all the other dogs and the cats left, he would stay behind and watch me wash the dishes. I just miss everything about him. He's been such a big part of my life for so long, I'm honestly not sure how to go on without him. His absence is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning, and I hope that one day it's just the second. Thank you for listening. 
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Dec 2, 2014 06:11
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| # ? May 22, 2024 09:25 |
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Crisco, I'm so sorry to hear that. I remember Ozzie from the original Supernintendo Chalmers & Vanessa & friends thread and it's so hard to lose a companion like that  It does stop being horrible eventually. It might not feel like it, and it will take time, but eventually it won't feel quite so raw. You had good times with him and you went above and beyond what a lot of people would do for a dog in his situation. You're good people, Crisco.
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Dec 2, 2014 06:47
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Thank you Tendai. He was my best buddy. Unlike people friends, he was always up for anything. He hated birds, which is always my baseline for whether I like you or not. Birds are flying dinosaurs that hate you, and he understood that. Goddamn it I can't stop the sadness. I know this thread is totally self-serving, but I miss him so much that I can't possibly put it into words.
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Dec 2, 2014 07:12
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I'm really sorry for your loss, crisco.  You and Ozzie gave each other years of happiness, and that's what important.Even if he did hate birds.
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Dec 3, 2014 01:36
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I am very sorry for your loss OP, Ozzie was one cute rear end dog. I am probably going to have to part with my dog buddy soon and I don't think it'll ever not be lovely. Like with all loss, we just learn to deal with it and move on, and you will too. Just try to focus on the good times I suppose, and realize that he loved you with all his heart just like you did him. Also I feel like me and him would get along well. gently caress birds.
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Dec 3, 2014 13:49
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I was wondering how you and your buddies were getting along, since one of the first SA threads I ever read was the tale of Chalmers. Ozzie must have been a sweet boy. He was surely happy with you. I'm sorry for your loss.
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Dec 3, 2014 15:29
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Aww crisco. It's very possible he was already going when you left, dude. 25 minutes isn't long and death is kind of a clinical process. He probably fell asleep with you right beside him and that was the last thing he was ever aware of. 15's one loving incredible run. You did good. It'll be okay.
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Dec 3, 2014 18:56
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Hey Crisco, I am really sorry to hear about Ozzie's passing. Do not beat yourself up about not being there. As Fluffy Bunnies said you being beside him was probably the last thing he knew. He knew you loved him. You did real good by him. And the hurt will lessen eventually.
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Dec 3, 2014 19:00
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I am so, so sorry for your loss. I always loved to hear about your pugs along with the kitty menagerie, and I know as a fellow pug lover it's sometimes hard to explain why we love them the way we do. As much as he was your best friend, it sounds like you were his best friend too. How amazing it must have been to spend your whole life loving and being loved the way Ozzie was.
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Dec 3, 2014 21:31
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I grew up with a cat that tried to eat everything. Me being a messy little kid, my mom always made me keep my bedroom door closed because the cat would get in there and eat strings, and doll's hair, beads, and rubber bands etc. So by the time I was 17, long after the 'TOYS EVERYWHERE' stage, closing the door when I left the bedroom was a habit just as ingrained as closing the fridge after getting a drink. But that was the year we lost our little kitty. Cancer took him and it was tragic. He was 17 too. Every time I came or went from my room I'd pause reaching for the door. "Oh, I guess I don't have to close this anymore..." but most of the time I still would. It was my way of trying to remember him, or maybe just to pretend he was still around. It took a while to stop thinking of him every time I looked at that door. I know it's hard, and you have your own reminders of Ozzie. But don't get caught up in the bad moments. My cat was very sick near the end and I thought I'd never get over how miserable he looked in the last week or two. But I did. For 17 years he was happy, fat, and orange as a harvest moon. The two of us grew up together, and I'll never forget him. I'll probably never love another cat as much as I loved him. Sorry to my current 2 cats, but it's true. You'll never forget Ozzie. The pain and emptiness will soon turn to fond memories of a lifetime full of the purest sweetest love there is. I hope this post helped you at least a little and I'm not just here rambling about my cat because I like the sound my keyboard makes. I just want you to know that it does get better. I'd give you a real hug but that might be weird.
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Dec 3, 2014 23:30
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This always sucks, lost 3 of my wives dogs , I found myself growing close to them over the past few years, within a single month; one to bone cancer, and two more to old age, 18 and 16 (they refused to go for a long time). My dogs always look for them when they go over.
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Dec 7, 2014 06:25
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| # ? May 22, 2024 09:25 |
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As a "grown," man of over 40 who has grieved at every lost pet that has graced my life in their own way, I truly am sorry for your pain right now Crisco. They (pets) make us better people despite ourselves, I believe, if we let them. Godspeed you on your new travels Ozzie, and thank you for your time here.
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Dec 9, 2014 05:41
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