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Someone mentioned a Dean Koontz novel in the Stephen King thread and I looked it up on Wikipedia, expecting a couple of paragraphs of summary. What I found was: "Ticktock is a novel by Dean Koontz." Good start. So, what's about? "The story opens with Tommy getting a new corvette. He argues with his mother, refusing her offer for dinner. In a fit of rebellion, he eats two cheeseburgers, something his mother dislikes."  Uh, really? You intrigue me. So he's allergic to cheeseburgers or this novel is set in a restaurant, right? Something plot related, yeah?"He meets a blond waitress there (which he will meet later in the story again)." Thanks for clearing that up. Now, about the plot... "His radio quits working during one of these two trips, and in the static are eerie voices." I'm getting a bad feeling about this page. How long is it? "Once home, he finds a Rag doll on his front steps, along with a note, written in Vietnamese, which he knew when he was a child but has forgotten in his quest to be a true American. After taking the doll into his study, it soon bursts open to reveal an evil creature who seems intent on killing Tommy. A message is left on his computer screen saying he has until dawn, but what will happen at dawn, Tommy does not know."  Wikipedia editor whose English is curiously phrased, you have got my attention."After fate brings a meeting with Del, a woman who appears to speak somewhat cryptically, they embark on a race to flee the creature." That's interestingly vague. You'd think Del would be either speaking cryptically or not, but our editor is going to leave that tantalisingly open. "She believes him too quickly, and often has mixed stories for all of her abilities."  What are these abilities of which you have not previously spoken, editor?"The doll appears to be growing larger as their journey continues. They visit Tommy's brother, Gi, to try and translate the note. They then go to Del's apartment, where we learn she's quite rich, but is a waitress anyway." Glad she's doing ok for herself despite the straitened circumstances of wait staff in contemporary USA. "She also shows another side to her when Tommy wants to see her paintings, and she threatens to shoot him if he does." Oh?"Her dog seems incredibly smart, something that unnerves Tommy." Ok, this is a Koontz novel so this part actually is significant. "In their journey to escape the ever growing doll, Tommy's Corvette is trashed, two cars are stolen, and one large boat is trashed. They arrive at Del's mother's home, which seems utterly odd." Pray tell, why would this be the utterly odd part, internet encyclopedia? "They claim to be able to listen to live stuff from the past with their radio." So, like a recording played on the radio? "Del's mother shows an uncanny sense of time when she knows exactly when the rain will stop."  gently caress me! I give up....."Tommy sees Del's paintings and they're of him. She had remotely viewed him over the past 2 years because she knows he is her destiny." Editor, I think you may be doing full justice to the uncanny majesty of Mr Koontz's book. "He and Del get married in Vegas. Then they go back to their normal town."  Here it is in its unexpurgated glory: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ticktock_(novel) In this thread we post terrible/boring/pointless/poorly written  posing as informed book summaries on the internet site Wikipedia or any other supposedly reliable source of data (i.e. not blogs or fanfic). Please link and quote, bearing in mind that the precious dust of Wikipedia maybe be blown away by the cruel winds of editors who may not appreciate it as much as we goons do. Please don't write the Wikipedia stuff yourself - there's enough pure poop out there without having to manufacture it yourself.For the associated thread on films see Pit of Horrific Trivia: terrible movie entries in Wikipedia/IMDB http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3700468 Josef K. Sourdust fucked around with this message at 21:46 on Feb 12, 2015 |
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Feb 12, 2015 20:21
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Shaun Hutson's F-list schlockfest Spawn gets the write-a-Wikipedia-entry-for-your-homework treatment, 1,200 word summary and no book data or bibliography. Sadly, not the gem of Ticktock but still.... tl:dr: As a boy, Harold Pierce accidentally sets fire to his home, killing his mother and his baby brother Gordon and doing severe permanent damage to his face. Becomes a hospital porter who has to incinerate foetuses. "He eventually decides that it would be wrong to burn the foetuses, so he instead decides to sneak them out when nobody is looking and bury them in a nearby field. Shorty after, there is a powerful storm which fells an electricity pylon near the site of the grave. Pierce is paranoid that the workmen repairing the pylon will discover the grave, but they do not. He later returns to inspect the grave in fear that the rain may have washed it up, and he discovers, to his horror, that three of the foetuses are still alive." Killer called Harvey breaks out nearby. "Pierce collapses. He is later inspected by a female doctor* called Maggie who cannot understand his obsession with not burning the foetuses." Personally I would gone with "aversion" but this wording is more memorable. "Meanwhile, a family are driving near the hospital, when the two children declare that they need to urinate. The father parks near a field and lets then out of the car to urinate. However they are shocked to discover the open grave where five of the foetuses are still buried." Like a rookie, I would have gone with "A family inadvertently stumbles across the foetuses in a grave." but what do I know? This editor's going to conjure some atmosphere. "They scream, causing their father to rush to them, and when he sees the decomposing foetuses, he vomits* violently."  Well, I guess this editor's got to hit 1,200 words and he hasn't got any time for discussion of themes, sub-plot, context, genre conventions. It's pure description all the way."Randall" - wait, who the gently caress is Randall??? - "witnesses an autopsy of another headless corpse in the hospital where Pierce worked, again believing Harvey to be the murderer. Upon exiting, he encounters Maggie, who informs him that Pierce may be the killer and she tells him of Pierce's past and his actions when he worked in the hospital. Randall then visits the new asylum where Pierce's doctors work, where we learn that Pierce has never been violent or dangerous. He tells Maggie of this, and the two fall in love." Seems a touch hasty, especially in the midst of a gruesome murder investigation but... "He visits her flat, where they passionately have sex*." I don't know who this Randall character is, but he's a smooth operator.  "Passionately"? Hmmm, nice adverbial touch there, online encyclopedia."Realising that the killer is in fact Pierce, and not Harvey, he [Randall] and Maggie rush to the abandoned asylum, where they figure Pierce is. Randall tells Maggie to wait as he enters the derelict building, and he and Pierce meet and fight, Randall is stabbed in the shoulder before he stabs Pierce in the stomach. Randall then searches the asylum and is horrified to discover the foetuses. Pierce, who survived, attacks Maggie outside in her car. She tries to radio* for help but the radio runs out of power. Pierce breaks the glass and attempts to stab her, leaving her no choice but to ran the car repeatedly into a tree, with Pierce in between, before the petrol* begins to leak and the car catches fire. Maggie is able to escape but Pierce is trapped between the car and the tree, and burns to death. She regroups with Randall in the abandoned asylum, where he shows her the foetuses." Glad we had that break down of particular injuries and sequence of events. But what is the cause of all this mayhem? "It is revealed that the three foetuses have mind controlling powers and that two of them caused their mothers to die; and that they manipulated Pierce into killing all his victims." Yeah, evil psychic foetuses all along, just like we thought.  Elementary, my dear Watson. * all hyperlinked, for your edification  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spawn_(novel) Josef K. Sourdust fucked around with this message at 15:43 on Feb 14, 2015 |
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Feb 13, 2015 01:11
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This is one of my favorite byproducts of internet democracy. I'm hypersensitive to it and will be doing my darnedest to post some here. There's nothing better than this sort of "fourth grade-level composition" summarizing, esp. when it's applied to highbrow or classic works.
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Feb 15, 2015 17:21
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