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bog pixie posted:- having long toenails |
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May 12, 2015 17:45
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| # ? May 3, 2024 22:29 |
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The mean meme |
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May 12, 2015 18:07
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paper cuts |
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May 12, 2015 18:32
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GBS |
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May 13, 2015 00:24
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1hkd posted:The mean meme yeah gently caress those meanies yo 
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May 13, 2015 02:06
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Animal/Child/Snuff Pornography |
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May 13, 2015 02:27
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Racism Cold French fries Biting my tongue when i chew Wack rappers Impatient soccer moms sucking their teeth and sighing dramatically as they wait like everybody else in literally any check out line Belly shirts 3x PINK booty shorts Heroin dealers Buffering time on 360p videos Cold black coffee |
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May 13, 2015 02:29
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when mom gets mad that i stop doing the dishes to dance when snow's informer comes on |
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May 13, 2015 03:49
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OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS I’VE HAD SEVERAL QUERIES FROM SEVERAL PARTIES ABOUT MY DEEP AND ABIDING DISGUST FOR ENGLISH MAJORS. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS PICKING ON THEM? WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO DESERVE YOUR MIGHTY SCORN, O GENIUS PHILOSOPHER-KING? AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, THE ANSWERS TO THESE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS ARE VERY LONG AND INVOLVED. THIS WEEK I WILL BE LAYING THEM OUT IN A SERIAL JEREMIAD AGAINST THE ENTIRE DISCIPLINE OF STUDYING ENGLISH LITERATURE. HOWEVER, A WORD BEFORE I BEGIN IS PROBABLY NECESSARY: I DON’T HATE EVERY SINGLE ENGLISH MAJOR. MANY OF MY OWN FRIENDS HAVE TAKEN DEGREES IN ENGLISH, AND THEY ARE IN FACT REASONABLY INTELLIGENT HUMANS WITH GOOD CULTURAL RANGE AND SENSITIVITY. I KNOW THAT GOOD ENGLISH MAJORS EXIST (I JUST DON’T KNOW WHY THEY’RE STUDYING ENGLISH). THE ENGLISH MAJOR I MAKE FUN OF ON THIS BLOG IS A SORT OF WEBERIAN IDEALTYPUS; A HEAP OF UNIVERSAL IGNORANCE COLLATED FROM MANY SCRAPS OF INDIVIDUAL IGNORANCE. FEW REAL-LIFE ENGLISH MAJORS DEMONSTRATE EVERY FLAW I ASCRIBE TO THE TYPE, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, EVEN FEWER DON’T DEMONSTRATE SOME OR MOST OF THESE FLAWS. BUT ENOUGH EXCUSES. LET US PROCEED TO THE FIRST REASON WHY ENGLISH MAJORS ARE SO, SO UNFATHOMABLY TERRIBLE: 1. THEY DON’T KNOW ENGLISH IF THERE’S ONE THING ENGLISH MAJORS NEVER TIRE OF TELLING EVERYBODY AROUND THEM, IT’S HOW MUCH THEY LOVE GRAMMAR (AND HOW GOOD THEY ARE AT IT). REASONABLE GRASP OF STANDARD INSTITUTIONAL ENGLISH IS NOT KNOWLEDGE OR UNDERSTANDING OF GRAMMAR, ANY MORE THAN KNOWING HOW TO READ A CLOCK IS KNOWLEDGE OR UNDERSTANDING OF THE PHILOSOPHY OF TIME. ENGLISH MAJORS DO NOT HAVE THE FAINTEST IDEA WHAT GRAMMAR IS. THEY THINK IT’S STUFF LIKE KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “YOUR” AND “YOU’RE,” OR KNOWING WHERE TO PUT A SEMICOLON. THEY THINK IT’S “TAKING A STAND” ON THE OXFORD COMMA. THEY ALSO THINK IT’S THE GOD-APPOINTED DUTY OF ANYBODY “GIFTED” ENOUGH TO HAVE GROWN UP SPEAKING THE DIALECT OF THE RULING CLASS TO SEEK OUT AND WHINE ABOUT DEVIATIONS FROM THAT DIALECT AT EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF THEIR MEANINGLESS LIVES. “HEH, LOOK AT THAT SIGN ADVERTISING ‘ORANGE’S,’” THEY PULE. “HAVEN’T THOSE loving IDIOT FARMERS EVER OPENED AN MLA MANUAL?” FORTUNATELY, I HAVE PREPARED A HANDY QUIZ YOU ARE WELCOME TO PRESENT TO THE NEXT rear end in a top hat WHO TELLS YOU “SORRY, BUT GRAMMAR IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME”: 1. WHAT’S THE SUBJUNCTIVE MOOD 2. WHAT’S A PERIPHRASTIC TENSE 3. WHAT’S AN ERGATIVE VERB 4. WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PRIMARY AND SECONDARY SEQUENCE IN A CONDITIONAL STATEMENT 5. YOU’RE AN IDIOT NOW, OBVIOUSLY I DON’T MEAN TO SUGGEST THAT IGNORANCE OF THESE PARTICULAR TERMS IS AN INTELLECTUAL FAILING. UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU’RE CLAIMING TO BE INTERESTED IN AND KNOWLEDGEABLE OF THE DESCRIPTIVE MODEL OF WHICH THEY ARE A PART, AND YOU’RE USING YOUR FRAUDULENT POSE OF KNOWLEDGE TO TELL SOMEBODY THEY’RE WRONG AND STUPID AND UNEDUCATED FOR SPLITTING AN INFINITIVE. BECAUSE IF THAT’S THE CASE, IT IS AN ENORMOUS INTELLECTUAL FAILING AND YOU’RE ALSO A PROVINCIAL loving oval office. WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU “I’M KIND OF A GRAMMAR NERD”, THEY’RE NOT USUALLY LOOKING FOR A CONVERSATION ON THE ROLE OF THE DATIVE IN PROTO-INDO-EUROPEAN. THEY GENERALLY MEAN “I AM FAIRLY GOOD AT INTUITIVELY (BUT NOT ANALYTICALLY) UNDERSTANDING THE CURRENT VERSION OF ENGLISH APPROVED BY EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTIONS, AND BOY DOES THAT EVER MAKE ME FEEL SUPERIOR TO PEOPLE WHO AREN’T.” BECAUSE AS ANYONE WHO HAS ACTUALLY STUDIED THIS poo poo KNOWS, GRAMMAR IS NOT A LIST OF WHAT IS CORRECT AND INCORRECT; IT’S THE UNDERLYING STRUCTURE OF A SPECIFIC ORGANIC LANGUAGE, AND IT CHANGES WILDLY FROM CONTEXT TO CONTEXT, REGISTER TO REGISTER. WHINING ABOUT MISPLACED APOSTROPHES ISN’T EVIDENCE OF CULTURE OR SOPHISTICATION; IT’S loving JUVENILE. BUT TRY TO EXPLAIN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PRESCRIPTIVE AND DESCRIPTIVE GRAMMAR TO THE ENGLISH MAJOR WHO HAS BEEN PRAISED SINCE EARLY CHILDHOOD FOR HIS MOSTLY-CONSISTENT ADHERENCE TO A SET OF ARBITRARY RULES, AND BEHOLD; THE TORRENT OF RACIST, CLASSIST BULLSHIT SHALL POUR FORTH FROM HIS SLOBBERING MOUTH JUST LIKE THE QUARTER OF A MILLION DOLLARS HIS PARENTS ARE PAYING FOR HIS EDUCATION POURS INTO THE COFFERS OF THE INSTITUTION THAT IS FORCING YOU TO TALK TO HIM. 2. EVEN THOUGH THEY DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH, THEY ONLY SPEAK ENGLISH IMAGINE, IF YOU WILL, A PERSON WHO HAS BUILT HIS IDENTITY AND CAREER ON HIS LOVE AND KNOWLEDGE OF MUSIC; WHO HAS SPENT YEARS AND CONSIDERABLE MONEY STUDYING MUSIC; WHO HAS GRADUATED WITH A DEGREE IN MUSIC; WHO PERHAPS TEACHES MUSIC TO CHILDREN OR EVEN LECTURES ON IT AT A UNIVERSITY. NOW IMAGINE DISCOVERING THAT THIS PERSON HAS ONLY EVER HEARD ONE INSTRUMENT IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE: IT IS THE SAXOPHONE. IMAGINE AN ARCHITECT WHO HAD NEVER BOTHERED TO ENTER A BUILDING MADE OF ANY MATERIAL BUT BRICK, OR AN ART CRITIC WHO HAD ONLY EVER SEEN THE COLOUR BROWN; A GOURMAND WHO EATS ONLY POTATOES. IMAGINE, O REM RIDICULAM, A STUDENT OF LITERATURE WHO ONLY READS BOOKS IN ENGLISH — AND THEN UNDERSTAND THAT WE GRADUATE THOUSANDS OF THESE EVERY YEAR. THERE ARE MANY OBJECTIONS TO THIS BRAZEN FARCE: THE FIRST IS THAT VIRTUALLY EVERY FIGURE THAT AN ENGLISH MAJOR WILL STUDY OVER THE COURSE OF THEIR DEGREE WAS, AT MINIMUM, BILINGUAL. FROM ROME ONWARD, THERE IS NO MAJOR POET IN WESTERN LITERATURE WHO DID NOT SPEAK A FOREIGN LANGUAGE. (IN FACT, YOU CAN GET MORE SPECIFIC: THE ONLY ONE I KNOW OF WHO DOESN’T SEEM TO HAVE KNOWN ANY LATIN WAS THE GREAT WALT WHITMAN, WHO LEARNT GOOD FRENCH, SPANISH, GERMAN AND ITALIAN ON THE DOCKS.) WRITERS HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN THE INTELLECTUAL VALUE OF MULTILINGUALISM: NOT ONLY DOES IT EXPOSE YOU TO ALIEN PROSODIES, SYNTAXES, WAYS OF MEANING; IT ALSO TRAINS YOU TO SPOT THE HIDDEN TRAPS AND SNARES OF YOUR OWN LANGUAGE. IT IS THE ONE EFFECTIVE WAY TO LEARN ENGLISH GRAMMAR (SEE PREVIOUS DISCUSSION). AND YET ENGLISH MAJORS BY AND LARGE REFUSE TO BOTHER WITH FOREIGN LANGUAGES. CONSIDER THIS PEARL OF WISDOM: ”I don’t think there’s any substance to the ‘you must read an author in their original language’ argument; translation is creative, and good translations are as much works of art as originals, they’re just as likely to be superior as inferior.” IT WOULD TAKE A TRUE MONOLINGUAL TO BELIEVE THIS, AND A TRUE ENGLISH MAJOR TO EXPRESS IT, DESPITE HAVING ABSOLUTELY NO RELEVANT EXPERIENCE OF WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT. LET’S GO BACK TO OUR MUSIC ANALOGY. IF YOU’RE WRITING A PIECE FOR PIANO YOU’RE GOING TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT WHAT THE PIANO IS CAPABLE OF AS AN INSTRUMENT: ITS ABILITY TO PRODUCE MANY NOTES AT ONCE WILL LIKELY HAVE A BIG EFFECT ON YOUR COMPOSITION. AND YOU WILL DO THE SAME FOR THE DRUMS; YOU WILL THINK OF WHAT THE INSTRUMENT CAN DO AND THEN UTILIZE THAT AS BEST YOU CAN. THE TROUBLE BEGINS WHEN YOU START TRYING TO PLAY THE PATHETIQUE SONATA ON THE DRUMS. SOME THINGS CAN BE IMITATED: YOU CAN TAP OUT THE RHYTHM, FOR INSTANCE, AND YOU COULD STILL PLAY SOME SECTIONS LOUDER THAN OTHERS. BUT THE DRUMS CAN’T DO EVERYTHING THE PIANO CAN, NOR CAN YOU SIMPLY TRANSLATE A DRUM SOLO INTO PIANO MUSIC. LANGUAGES, LIKEWISE, ARE NOT TRULY TRANSLATABLE ONE INTO ANOTHER: TAKE SOMETHING LIKE CLASSICAL CHINESE, WHICH HAS NO SYSTEM OF TENSE, PERSON, NUMBER OR GENDER — HOW DO YOU TRANSLATE IT INTO A ROMANCE LANGUAGE, WHICH DEMANDS THE IMPOSITION OF CONCEPTS THAT WOULD NEVER HAVE OCCURRED TO MENGZI OR TU FU OR WHOMEVER YOU WILL? GREAT THINGS ARE AVAILABLE TO THE WRITER IN ENGLISH, BUT THEY ARE NOT THE SAME GREAT THINGS THAT ARE AVAILABLE TO THE WRITER IN CHINESE; THERE COULD NEVER BE A CHINESE MILTON FOR THE SAME REASONS THERE COULD NEVER BE AN ENGLISH LI BAI. ANY CONTRARY BELIEF IS AN ILLUSION PRODUCED BY THE EMBARRASSING FACT OF NEVER HAVING LEARNED TO THINK EXCEPT IN ONE’S NATIVE LANGUAGE: THE LIMITS OF THAT LANGUAGE THEREFORE FOSSILIZE INTO THE LIMITS OF ONE’S MIND. 3. THEY LIVE IN AND PERPETUATE A CULTURE OF FRAUD ALL STUDENTS OF ENGLISH WILL TELL YOU THAT THEY’RE INTERESTED IN LITERATURE, OR, IF THEY’RE A REAL PRICK, THAT THEY’RE “PASSIONATE” ABOUT IT. BUT PROFESSING INTEREST IS NOT THE SAME AS DEMONSTRATING INTEREST. PROFESSING INTEREST IS A WAY OF ASSOCIATING YOUR PERSONAL BRAND WITH A CERTAIN ACTIVITY WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING TO PARTAKE IN THAT ACTIVITY. DEMONSTRATING INTEREST IS NOT AN ASSERTION BUT AN ACTION: IT MEANS DOING THE poo poo YOU’RE SO PASSIONATE ABOUT. THE MOST OBVIOUS AND MOST MEASURABLE BEHAVIOUR ASSOCIATED WITH AN INTEREST IN LITERATURE IS READING LITERATURE — FOR THIS REASON IT IS SURPRISING TO DISCOVER HOW LITTLE ANY GIVEN ENGLISH MAJOR HAS READ. THIS CONFUSION BETWEEN PROFESSED AND DEMONSTRATED INTEREST IS THE CHARACTERISTIC TRAIT OF ENGLISH MAJORS THE WORLD OVER. THEY WILL TELL YOU THEY’RE PASSIONATE ABOUT LANGUAGE — WHEN THEY KNOW NOTHING AT ALL ABOUT ANY LANGUAGE. THEY WILL HAPPILY BLEAT THEIR OPINION ON DOZENS OF BOOKS THEY HAVE NEVER EVEN OPENED, AND REACT WITH BAFFLEMENT IF YOU CALL THEM ON IT. IT IS NOT THAT THEY ARE LYING DELIBERATELY. THEY DON’T SEEM TO REALIZE THAT THEY ARE LYING AT ALL: IT IS AS THOUGH THEY ARE MISSING THE MECHANISM FOR DISTINGUISHING A LIE FROM THE TRUTH. WELL, MY FRIENDS, THAT’S BECAUSE THEY ARE. SOMETHING HAS BEEN PICKLED IN THEIR BRAINS, AND THEY HAVE FORGOTTEN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WORDS AND THINGS, BETWEEN SAYING AND DOING. THIS DISEASED SORT OF THINKING IS INEVITABLE, BECAUSE AN EDUCATION IN ENGLISH IS A LONG AND UNINTERRUPTED TRAINING IN EFFECTIVE FRAUD. THE STANDARD OF ASSESSMENT IN ENGLISH STUDIES IS THE PERSUASIVE ESSAY. FROM HIGH SCHOOL ON, USEFUL LEARNING TECHNIQUES LIKE ROTE MEMORIZATION AND MASTERY OF SYMBOLIC SYSTEMS ARE CONFINED TO MATHEMATICS, HISTORY, AND THE SCIENCES. THE ONLY SKILL ROUTINELY TESTED IN ENGLISH IS THE ABILITY TO WRITE A FORMALLY-STRUCTURED ESSAY ATTEMPTING TO PROVE OR DISPROVE A THESIS THE STUDENT IS UTTERLY UNQUALIFIED TO JUDGE. SKILLFUL MANIPULATION OF LANGUAGE AND SKILLFUL DISGUISAL OF IGNORANCE ARE WHAT OTHER DISCIPLINES WOULD CALL SOPHISTRY — BUT SOPHISTRY IS THE PRIZED SKILL IN ENGLISH. CHILDREN WHO CAN WRITE WELL ARE ALLOWED TO COAST WITHOUT COMPLETING THEIR WORK: WE ALL HAD FRIENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL WHO GOT PERFECT MARKS IN ENGLISH CLASS WITHOUT HAVING READ THE SET BOOKS, AND WHEN BEHAVIOUR LIKE THAT IS REWARDED, IT BECOMES HABITUAL. WE TEACH THE BRIGHT STUDENTS THAT TO LIE IS NOT ONLY A PERMISSIBLE WAY OF GETTING OUT OF WORK, BUT ACTUALLY A LAUDABLE WAY OF EXCELLING IN THE STUDY OF ENGLISH. TO SUCCEED WHERE YOU HAVE NOT MADE AN EFFORT BECOMES A BADGE OF PRIDE, A MARK OF NATURAL INTELLIGENCE RATHER THAN LABOURED KNOWLEDGE. THIS MODE OF ASSESSMENT CONTINUES RIGHT THROUGH COLLEGE. AN ENGLISH MAJOR WHO MAKES IT THROUGH THE FIRST ROUND OF HIS OR HER EDUCATION — THAT IS, ONE WHO SUCCESSFULLY CONVINCES A BUNCH OF FRAUDULENT ASSHOLES THAT HE/SHE KNOWS OR CARES ABOUT LITERATURE — IS CORDIALLY INVITED TO THE SECOND ROUND, GRADUATE SCHOOL, IN WHICH OUR YOUNG SCHOLAR CAN FINALLY GIVE UP THOSE LONG, BORING NOVELS, POEMS AND PLAYS AND START ON THE LOFTIER TASK OF CONVINCING THE SAME BUNCH OF ASSHOLES THAT HE/SHE KNOWS OR CARES ABOUT PHILOSOPHY. SINCE PHILOSOPHY IS REALLY HARD, ENGLISH DEPARTMENTS HAVE SUBSTITUTED THEIR OWN VERSION OF IT, CALLED “CRITICAL THEORY.” I DON’T INTEND TO MAKE ANY CRITIQUE HERE OF THE CENTRAL THINKERS OF THIS MOVEMENT. MY ISSUE IS THAT ENGLISH GRADUATE PROGRAMS DO NOT HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR OR DESIRE TO UNDERSTAND THE THINKERS THEY PROFESS TO STUDY. WHATEVER THE MERITS OF THE FRENCH AND GERMAN POSTWAR SET, ALL OF THEM ARE WRITING IN CONVERSATION WITH LONG AND COMPLEX INTELLECTUAL TRADITIONS. FOUCAULT’S HABIT OF SPINNING AN ESSAY OFF A MINOR WORK OF KANT, DERRIDA’S DETAILED EXAMINATION OF LITTLE-KNOWN BITS AND PIECES OF ROUSSEAU, MEAN THAT THEY CANNOT BE FULLY GRASPED OR JUDGED WITHOUT A VERY SOLID BACKGROUND IN PHILOSOPHY. THEIR CONSTANT MANIPULATION OF HISTORY REQUIRES ACTUAL KNOWLEDGE OF HISTORY IF WE WISH TO DO ANY SORT OF CRITICAL READING. THE FOUNDATION OF VIRTUALLY ALL CRITICAL THEORY IN SAUSSUREAN THEORIES OF LANGUAGE OUGHT, SURELY, TO NECESSITATE SOME FAMILIARITY WITH LINGUISTICS. ENGLISH UNDERGRADUATE PROGRAMS NEITHER PROVIDE NOR REQUIRE THIS KNOWLEDGE, RESULTING IN A KNOWLEDGE GAP UPON ENTRY TO A GRADUATE PROGRAM: GRADUATE PROGRAMS DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM BY IGNORING IT. GRAD STUDENTS IN LITERATURE ARE CONSTANTLY ASSIGNED THEORISTS WHOM THEY ARE NOT REMOTELY EQUIPPED TO UNDERSTAND OR EVALUATE. NOR ARE THEY ASKED TO MAKE ANY EFFORT TOWARDS DEVELOPING THE SKILLS NECESSARY FOR SUCH UNDERSTANDING. FOR INSTANCE, LACAN, WHOSE ENTIRE OEUVRE IS A COMMENTARY ON FREUD, WHOSE FIRST AND EXPLICIT DEMAND UPON HIS READERS IS FAMILIARITY WITH ALL OF FREUD IN THE GERMAN, IS TAUGHT TO STUDENTS WHO HAVE NEVER OPENED A SINGLE VOLUME OF FREUD AND WHO ARE NO MORE CAPABLE OF GRAPPLING WITH HIS GERMAN THAN THEY ARE OF READING LACAN IN HIS NATIVE FRENCH. THE ENGLISH GRADUATE IS TOLD: DON’T LEARN HISTORY, DON’T LEARN PHILOSOPHY, DON’T EVEN LISTEN TO THE THINKERS YOU DO READ, EXCEPT WHEN IT’S CONVENIENT AND DOESN’T REQUIRE YOU TO DO ANY WORK. IT IS ONE OF THE MOST ANTI-INTELLECTUAL ATTITUDES AVAILABLE TO HUMAN BEINGS, FIT ONLY FOR SLIMY, CAREERIST LITTLE FUCKS WHO HATE LEARNING BUT LOVE LOOKING LEARNED — PERFECT FOR THE ENGLISH MAJOR, IN WHOSE MIND THERE IS NO DISTINCTION BETWEEN RESPECTABILITY AND INTEGRITY, BETWEEN SELF AND PERFORMANCE. THIS, OF COURSE, EXPLAINS THE BIZARRE SATISFACTION THE STUDENT OF ENGLISH TAKES IN LECTURES AND DISCUSSIONS WITH PEERS (WHICH HAVE ALWAYS SEEMED TO ME THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY OF STUDYING BOOKS AND POEMS). THE ENGLISH DEPARTMENT, WITH ITS UNNECESSARY APPARATUS OF FELLOW STUDENTS, OF DISCUSSIONS AND CONFERENCES AND GUEST SPEAKERS AND “TALKS”, IS AN AUDIENCE, A PROTECTIVE WOMB, WHERE THE INFANTILE STUDENTS CAN SWIM FOREVER IN AMNIOTIC BLISS, SEALED FROM KNOWLEDGE, FROM CRITICISM; WHERE EVEN IF YOU KNOW NOTHING WHATSOEVER, YOU ARE PERMITTED TO PRETEND YOU ARE SPEAKING SENSE INSTEAD OF BABBLING LIES. A DEPARTMENT OF ENGLISH PROVIDES YOU WITH THE HERD, WHO WILL GLADLY INDULGE YOUR INTELLECTUAL DELUSIONS, FOR ONLY THE LOW, LOW COST OF YOUR INDULGING THEIRS. 4. THEY DON’T LIKE BOOKS BECAUSE THE MOST TAXING INTELLECTUAL EXERCISE REQUIRED OF AN ENGLISH UNDERGRADUATE IS TO READ FICTION AND POETRY (SOMETHING NORMAL PEOPLE OF REASONABLE INTELLIGENCE DO OF THEIR OWN ACCORD AND FOR PLEASURE), THEY ARE LIABLE TO DEVELOP DISPROPORTIONATE IDEAS OF HOW DIFFICULT A TASK THIS IS. ENGLISH MAJORS ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAVE EVER TOLD ME A FIVE-MONTH COLLEGE COURSE IS NECESSARY TO UNDERSTAND, SAY, THE NOVELS OF WILLIAM FAULKNER. WHAT THE UNIVERSITY SYSTEM ADDS TO STUDYING LITERATURE I HAVE NO IDEA. YOU READ THE TEXT ON YOUR OWN. YOU GO TO A lovely LECTURE IN WHICH YOUR PROFESSOR SUMMARIZES (IN THE WORST CASE) THE PLOT OF THE BOOK YOU JUST READ, AND (IN THE BEST CASE) HIS OR HER OWN PUBLISHED WORK WHICH IS AVAILABLE IN THE LIBRARY. OCCASIONALLY THERE IS CLASS “DISCUSSION” WHICH GENERALLY BEGINS WITH THE PROFESSOR ASKING “WHAT DID YOU THINK?” AND STUDENTS ANSWERING “HURR DURR THE LANGUAGE WAS HARD” OR, AT THE VERY BEST, “I REALLY ENJOYED THE CHARACTERIZATION!” THEN THE PROFESSOR WILL PUT FORTH, IN A MANGLED, REDUCED VERSION SUITABLE FOR UNDERGRADUATES, THE WRITTEN ARGUMENT OF ANOTHER SCHOLAR, WHICH IS, AGAIN, SOMETHING YOU COULD HAVE LEARNT IN PRIVATE, BETTER, AND FOR FREE, AT THE LIBRARY. SO WHY DIDN’T YOU, MORON? WHY ARE YOU CHOOSING, AND PAYING, TO DO YOUR READING WITH A BRAYING, STINKING MOB OF TEENAGERS? WHAT DO YOU GET OUT OF THIS SYSTEM THAT IS WORTH HOBBLING YOURSELF WITH DECADES OF DEBT? THERE IS ONLY ONE ANSWER: ENGLISH MAJORS HATE READING AND NEED TO BE FORCED TO DO IT. THERE IS A REASON ENGLISH MAJORS WILL SPEND HOURS ARGUING WITH EACH OTHER ABOUT WHETHER READING ON A KINDLE “COUNTS”, OR RHAPSODIZING ON THE SMELL OF OLD BOOKS: IT’S BECAUSE THE MOMENT THEY SHUT UP, THEY’RE GOING TO HAVE TO STOP INHALING THEIR COPY OF MOBY-DICK AND ACTUALLY GET TO READING THE loving THING. PREDICTABLY, ENGLISH MAJORS ARE THE ONLY ONES CONVINCED BY THIS CHARADE — AND THE PEOPLE TEACHING THEM ARE WELL AWARE OF HOW EXPLOITABLE IT MAKES THEM. IN ALL DISCIPLINES, THE PRESTIGE OF HIGHER EDUCATION HAS OUTLIVED ITS RIGOUR AND EFFECTIVENESS. GOING TO COLLEGE IS STILL EQUATED WITH GETTING AN EDUCATION, BUT UNIVERSITIES HAVE LONG SINCE REALIZED THAT IT’S FAR MORE PROFITABLE TO PROVIDE A 4-YEAR BABYSITTING SERVICE FOR ADULTS THAN IT IS TO PROVIDE THAT EDUCATION. TUITION CLIMBS, FULL PROFESSORSHIPS DWINDLE; CAMPUSES SPROUT EXPENSIVE GYMS, STADIUMS, DINING HALLS, MULTIMEDIA CENTRES, SEMESTERS AT SEA. GRADES INFLATE, FOUR-YEAR DEGREES STRETCH INTO THEIR FIFTH AND SIXTH, WITH A GAP YEAR SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY (FOR A BREAK FROM THE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL STRAINS OF COLLEGE LIFE, WHAT WITH ITS READING AND WRITING AND 10 HOURS OF CLASS A WEEK). THEREFORE IT MAKES SENSE THAT A DEGREE IN ENGLISH IS STRUCTURED NOT, AS ONE MIGHT EXPECT, AROUND READING LITERATURE, BUT AROUND AVOIDING LITERATURE. TAKE A LOOK AT AN UNDERGRADUATE ENGLISH SYLLABUS: YOU’LL FIND THINGS LIKE “DIGITAL LITERATURES”, “CLASSIC WORKS AS FILM ADAPTATIONS”, “HISTORY OF THE GRAPHIC NOVEL”. THRILLED WITH THE CHANCE TO EARN CREDIT FOR READING THE SAME CHILDREN’S BOOKS THEY HAVE BEEN READING SINCE THE AGE OF EIGHT, ENGLISH MAJORS FLOCK TO COURSES LIKE “THE WORLD OF HARRY POTTER: A CRITICAL CROSS-DISCIPLINARY EXAMINATION,” WHERE, I PRESUME, THEY WILL BE ABLE TO UTILIZE ALL THAT CROSS-DISCIPLINARY KNOWLEDGE AND CRITICAL APTITUDE THEY HAVE. THE PROBLEM HERE IS NOT THE SUBJECTS, WHICH ARE PRESUMABLY WORTHY OF SERIOUS STUDY IN SOME CAPACITY — IT IS THAT THESE COURSES ARE NOT DESIGNED TO BE SERIOUS STUDIES. THEY ARE DESIGNED TO KEEP STUDENT NUMBERS UP, TO KEEP GPAS UP, TO KEEP GRADUATION STATISTICS UP. ENGLISH DEPARTMENTS ARE HIGHLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO COLLEGE-WIDE BUDGET CUTS, AND UNLESS THEY CAN PROVE THEMSELVES TO BE “RELEVANT TO STUDENTS” TO THE MBAS ON THE COLLEGE BOARD, THE PEOPLE TEACHING THESE ENGLISH COURSES WILL LOSE THEIR JOBS. BUT NOT ONLY ARE PROFESSORS OF ENGLISH BUSY DEVISING THESE TRENDY COURSES, THEY ARE DESPERATELY SEEKING JUSTIFICATIONS FOR THEIR OWN INCAPACITY FOR LITERATURE. WE TALKED LAST TIME ABOUT THE CONFUSION OF WORDS WITH REALITY IN ENGLISH DEPARTMENTS. ONCE AN ENGLISH MAJOR HAS BEEN LYING, FAKING, PRETENDING TO BE INTERESTED, FOR THE BETTER PART OF 25 YEARS, THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN ASSERTION AND EXPRESSION HAS ENTIRELY DISAPPEARED: THE HORRIFYING RESULT IS THE ENGLISH PROFESSOR. THIS FINAL FORM OF ENGLISH MAJOR IS NO LONGER BOUND BY THE LAWS OF CONTRADICTION. HE OR SHE GAINS MANY OCCULT, SEEMINGLY PARADOXICAL POWERS: FOR INSTANCE, THE PROFESSOR OF ENGLISH CAN DRAW A $150,000 SALARY FOR HIS WORK AS A LEADING THEORIST OF MARXISM. THE GREATEST, MOST FANTASTIC ILLUSION THE PROFESSOR OF ENGLISH CHERISHES IS THAT “RADICAL ACTIVISM” IS POSSIBLE WITHIN THE CONFINES OF AN ACADEMIC CAREER. IT IS NO SURPRISE THAT THESE PEOPLE, WHO HAVE NEVER FACED DOWN A RANK OF RIOT POLICE, NEVER BEEN BEATEN OR IMPRISONED OR IN FACT RECEIVED ANYTHING BUT JOURNAL CITATIONS AND TENURE FOR THEIR BELIEFS, SERIOUSLY THINK THAT ONE CAN SHAKE THE FOUNDATIONS OF CAPITALISM, OF PATRIARCHY, OF RACISM, FROM BEHIND A MAHOGANY DESK THAT IS CLEANED NIGHTLY BY JANITORIAL STAFF. THEIR JUSTIFICATION FOR THIS OUTRAGEOUS MISCONCEPTION IS A WONDER TO BEHOLD. THE LINE IS THAT THE STRUCTURE OF ACADEMIA, ESPECIALLY IN ENGLISH, WHICH FOCUSES ON A CANON OF CLASSIC WORKS, IS INHERENTLY RACIST, SEXIST AND CLASSIST, AND THEREFORE MUST BE RESISTED. IT IS A SPLENDID RECONCILIATION OF JAW-DROPPING IGNORANCE WITH ABSOLUTELY RISIBLE CLAIMS TO POLITICAL CONSCIOUSNESS —THE ONE JUSTIFIES THE OTHER. THE THREE-THOUSAND YEAR HISTORY OF WESTERN THOUGHT BECOMES A PARADE OF “DEAD WHITE MEN” WHICH WOULD BE OPPRESSIVE EVEN TO TEACH. THERE IS GREAT JUSTICE TO THE CLAIM THAT WESTERN ACADEMIA IS PROVINCIAL AND MYOPIC, BUT THIS LOSS OF CULTURAL AND HISTORICAL TRAINING IS NOT REPLACED BY STUDIES IN THE GREAT CIVILIZATIONS OF AFRICA, EAST ASIA, INDIA AND THE MIDDLE EAST. IT IS REPLACED BY THE FLUFF COURSES DISCUSSED ABOVE. THUS, THE ENGLISH MAJOR IS NOT ONLY GROOMED TO BE HOPELESSLY BARREN OF ALL KNOWLEDGE OF ANY CULTURE, INCLUDING THAT OF THE WEST, HE OR SHE IS OFTEN TRAINED TO BE ACTIVELY CONTEMPTUOUS OF SUCH KNOWLEDGE. UPPER-MIDDLE-CLASS PEOPLE WITH SECURE, SEDENTARY JOBS DESIGNED SO THAT THE ADULT CHILDREN OF OTHER UPPER-MIDDLE-CLASS PEOPLE CAN PARTY FOR FOUR CONSECUTIVE YEARS, MINIMUM, WHILE THEIR MEALS ARE PREPARED AND THEIR TOILETS ARE SCRUBBED BY AN UNDERPAID SERVANT-CLASS OF THE WORKING POOR — THESE PEOPLE HAVE THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE GALL TO SAY PLATO AND DANTE ARE THE ILLNESS IN OUR CULTURE, THAT THE REASON MINORITY GROUPS FEEL VOICELESS AND UNDERREPRESENTED IN ACADEMIA IS THAT WE MAKE THEM READ SHAKESPEARE. IF YOU ENJOY TELLING PEOPLE YOU LOVE TO READ, BUT YOU DON’T WANT TO READ ANY BORING PHILOSOPHY OR HISTORY, AND REALLY WHAT YOU MOSTLY MEAN IS “I LOVE READING AMATEUR EROTIC FICTION ABOUT DOCTOR WHO,” AND YOU’VE NEVER READ ANY OF THE MAJOR AUTHORS IN YOUR OWN LANGUAGE, AND YOU DON’T THINK YOU’RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO READ THEM WITHOUT SOMEBODY STANDING OVER YOU WITH A GRADEBOOK SAYING “DO IT”, BUT YOU ALSO NEED AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE YOU CAN SKIP ABOUT HALF THE READING AND STILL GET A DECENT GRADE BECAUSE YOU’RE A BIT LAZY, AND YOU WANT TO WRITE YOUR THESIS ON SOMETHING LIKE “PERFORMANCES OF GENDER IN A lovely COMIC BOOK I READ BEFORE I ARRIVED AT COLLEGE”, AND, FINALLY, YOU’D LIKE TO BE CONGRATULATED AND RESPECTED BY YOUR PEERS WHEN YOU TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR ARTFUL DODGES OF THE SYSTEM YOU ARE PAYING TO EDUCATE YOU, I’M VERY SORRY TO INFORM YOU THAT ENGLISH IS THE APPROPRIATE COURSE FOR YOU. 5. YOU’RE AN IDIOT IT’S PROBABLY CLEAR THAT MOST OF THE PROBLEMS RAISED IN THE LAST WEEK COULD BE APPLIED TO MANY DISCIPLINES WITHIN THE HUMANITIES IN CURRENT HIGHER EDUCATION. IT MAY BE THAT THE PROBLEM IS NOT SO MUCH THE ENGLISH MAJOR AS THE ENGLISH MAJOR. SOMETHING IS SICK IN OUR UNIVERSITIES AND STUDENTS OF ENGLISH ARE LIKELY JUST VICTIMS OF THE PLAGUE. WHEN ONE LOOKS AT THE RUNNING OF THE MODERN COLLEGE IT IS CLEAR THAT ITS AIMS ARE DIRECTLY AT ODDS WITH TEACHING STUDENTS TO ENGAGE WITH THE WORLD — PAST, PRESENT OR FUTURE. THIS IS BUILT INTO THE SIMPLEST POLICIES AND FACILITIES. THE MASSIVELY-PROFITABLE DINING HALL MEANS MANY STUDENTS NEVER LEARN TO PREPARE FOOD FOR THEMSELVES, PROBABLY THE MOST PSYCHOLOGICALLY-IMPORTANT AND VITAL SKILL IN THE TRANSITION FROM CHILDHOOD TO ADULT INDEPENDENCE. CRIPPLING FEES KEEP STUDENTS IN FINANCIAL SERFDOM TO THEIR PARENTS AND TO BANKS, AND TUITION-AND-BOARD PACKAGES PROTECT THEM FROM EVERYDAY TRIVIALITIES LIKE BALANCING A BUDGET TO COVER GROCERIES, UTILITIES PAYMENTS, MEDICAL BILLS. HONOUR COUNCILS AND SPECIALIZED CAMPUS POLICE EXIST NOT ONLY TO PROTECT THEIR INSTITUTION’S REPUTATION, BUT TO PROTECT RICH WHITE TEENAGERS FROM THE SOCIETAL CONSEQUENCES OF IRRESPONSIBLE AND ILLEGAL ACTIONS, A SERVICE AFFORDED TO NO OTHER YOUTH DEMOGRAPHIC. OUR STUDENTS ARE DELIBERATELY TRAPPED IN ARTIFICIAL INFANCY. THEIR TEACHERS ARE NO BETTER. THE PROFESSORS OF TODAY ARE SHEER PARODY OF THE GREAT SCHOLARS OF THE FIRST HALF OF LAST CENTURY. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO READ SCHOLARSHIP FROM THE 1860S THROUGH TO THE LATE 1950S AND NOT FEEL THE TREMENDOUS LOSS OUR DARK AGE HAS SUFFERED. THERE IS A CLEAR AND OMNIPRESENT ASSUMPTION IN THESE WORKS THAT A SCHOLAR IS A PERSON WHO KNOWS BY HEART EUROPEAN CULTURAL AND POLITICAL HISTORY IN DEPTH AND ACROSS ALL PERIODS, WHO HAS READING FLUENCY IN GREEK, LATIN, FRENCH, GERMAN AND ITALIAN, WHO IS A JUDICIOUS AND LEARNED CRITIC OF MUSIC, DRAMA, LITERATURE AND PAINTING. NOW THIS SEEMS LIKE AN IMPOSSIBLE DREAM. IT IS THE WORK OF A DOCTORATE TO GAIN BASIC EXPERTISE IN ANY ONE OF THESE TOPICS — THERE ARE TOO MANY CONFERENCES TO ATTEND TO WASTE TIME PORING OVER HISTORY BOOKS, TOO MANY TEN-PAGE ARTICLES TO CRANK OUT TO BOTHER WITH ANOTHER LANGUAGE. WHEN A DICTATOR COMES TO POWER IT IS TRADITIONAL FOR HIM TO KILL INTELLECTUALS. THIS TRAIL OF BLOOD RUNS FROM CICERO’S HANDS ON THE ROSTRA TO THE PURGES IN ITALY, RUSSIA AND GERMANY IN THE EARLIER PART OF LAST CENTURY, AND IN IRAN, CAMBODIA AND CHILE IN THE LATTER PART. AND YET IT IS DIFFICULT TO IMAGINE, IN OUR CENTURY, HOW ANYBODY COULD CONSIDER THE UNIVERSITY A POLITICAL THREAT. WE ARE TAUGHT BY AND TAUGHT TO BE THE MOST HARMLESS, INCOMPETENT AND INACTIVE THINKERS THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN. THE FEW SCHOLARS WHO ARE LEARNED IN WORLD HISTORY AND POLITICS ARE ENGAGED IN WRITING MINI-ESSAYS FOR AN AUDIENCE OF TEN. THE ONLY THING APPROACHING POLITICAL IDEOLOGY ON OUR COLLEGE CAMPUSES IS A SMUG, DETACHED, PARALYZED AND AHISTORICAL LIBERAL PARANOIA, FOR THAT IS THE ONLY POSSIBLE RATIONALIZATION AVAILABLE TO PEOPLE WHOSE FINANCIAL SECURITY RESTS ON THE EXPLOITATION OF THE POOR. STUDENTS ARE SYSTEMATICALLY ISOLATED FROM THE WORLD AROUND THEM, AS THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN BEFORE, NOT ONLY IN THEIR LIFESTYLES BUT IN THEIR STUDIES. THE ANALYSIS OF NEW ARTFORMS (LIKE RAP MUSIC) AND NEW, REVOLUTIONARY DEVELOPMENTS IN OLD ONES (AS IN DANCE) SHOULD BE THE INALIENABLE PROVINCE OF THE GENERATION THAT HAS GROWN UP STEEPED IN THEM, AS ROCK’N’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hD IN A $1200 COURSE CALLED “BALLERS AND B-GIRLS: HIP-HOP, YOUTH IDENTITIES AND THE TRANSGRESSIVE POLITICS OF LANGUAGE.” GONE IS THE ULTIMATE HUMANIZING EXPERIENCE: VISCERAL INVOLVEMENT WITH THE PRESENT. THE WORLD IS ONLY AVAILABLE PRECHEWED; MASHED WITH THE CAREERISM OF MIDDLE-AGED MEN AND WOMEN AND REGURGITATED INTO THE SQUEALING MOUTHS OF OLD CHILDREN WHO HAVE MISTAKEN THEMSELVES FOR YOUNG ADULTS. IN FLAPPING TO BECOME HISTORIANS OF THE PRESENT, OUR PROFESSORS HAVE FORSAKEN THEIR AUTHENTIC RESPONSIBILITIES AS GUARDIANS OF OUR RICH AND COMPLEX PAST. THEY ARE BARELY TREADING WATER IN THE GREAT RIVER OF HUMAN HISTORY, AND, IF YOU GET TOO CLOSE, THEY WILL PULL YOU DOWN WITH THEM. EVERY YEAR AT COMMENCEMENTS AND WELCOMING CEREMONIES THE WORLD OVER, BEGINNING AND GRADUATING STUDENTS ARE TOLD THAT THEY HAVE PARTICIPATED, OR ARE ABOUT TO PARTICIPATE, IN THE STREAM OF LEARNING THAT PASSED FROM THE GREEKS AND ROMANS THROUGH THE GREAT SCHOLARS OF THE ISLAMIC GOLDEN AGE TO THE MONASTIC ORDERS OF THE MIDDLE AGES, AND FROM THERE TO THE HEIGHTS OF EUROPEAN INTELLECTUAL ACHIEVEMENT IN THE RENAISSANCE, WHOSE SURVIVAL IN THE ENLIGHTENMENT ACADEMY HAS LEAD TO THE MODERN WESTERN COLLEGE EDUCATION. IT IS AN OUTRAGEOUS AND BAREFACED LIE. THE CONTEMPORARY ACADEMIC SCENE BEARS NO RELATION TO THE HISTORY IT SO EAGERLY CLAIMS AND SO RARELY KNOWS. THE STREAM IS DRY. THE FIRST WESTERN UNIVERSITIES, THE LYCEUM OF ARISTOTLE AND PLATO’S ACADEMY, WERE PLACES OF WORSHIP. BOTH WERE BUILT IN SACRED GROVES, ONE APOLLO’S AND THE OTHER ATHENA’S: ART AND WISDOM. THERE WERE NO FEES, NO TIMETABLES, NO ASSESSMENTS AND NO GRADES. NO TENURE, NO PUBLICATION, NO PAY. CERTAINLY NO GRADUATION: JUST PEOPLE READING AND TALKING TO EACH OTHER ABOUT THINGS THEY FOUND INTERESTING — HOW DO YOU GRADUATE FROM THINKING? NO SURPRISE, PERHAPS, THAT IT WAS THE BRUTE-BRAINED, OLD-MONEY CAREERIST SULLA WHO TORE THOSE OLIVE TREES UP THREE CENTURIES LATER, GRINDING ALL THE GLORY OF ATHENS’ GOLDEN PAST TO DUST WITH WHICH TO GILT HIS BLOODY PRESENT. INDEED, IT WOULD TAKE A SYSTEM LIKE LATE-REPUBLICAN ROME TO PRODUCE SUCH A CRETIN: A SOCIETY WHERE STATUS WAS AWARDED BY ADVANCEMENT UP THE CURSUS HONORUM, WHERE SUCH ADVANCEMENT COULD ONLY BE ATTAINED WITH AGE, WITH BOUGHT FRIENDS, WITH PHANTOM PRESTIGE AND MEANINGLESS ACCOLADES; WHERE SUCCESS MEANT CONSEQUENCE-FREE FINANCIAL EXPLOITATION OF THE PEOPLE YOU WERE SENT TO LEAD AND GOVERN; WHERE THE GREAT MAN WAS THE SKILLFUL LIAR, THE ONE MOST WILLING TO FLATTER HIS SUPERIORS AND SLAUGHTER HIS RIVALS… IT IS CLEAR THAT THE MODERN ACADEMY IS ALSO DESTINED FOR A FALL. WITH ITS CLUBS AND CLASSES FOR STUDENTS AND ITS CONFERENCES AND CAREERISM FOR TEACHERS, IT IS COMPLETELY INEFFECTIVE AS A METHOD OF LEARNING. YOU CANNOT LEARN SOCIALLY. LEARNING IS SOLITUDE. ONLY AFTER SILENT YEARS IN THE LIBRARY CAN YOU COME FORTH AND SPEAK OF WHAT YOU KNOW. WHAT YOU GET FROM A GREAT BOOK, A GREAT PAINTING, YOU CAN’T GET SECONDHAND. YOU CAN’T WIN IT IN AN EXAM ROOM AND YOU CERTAINLY CAN’T BUY IT BY THE CREDIT-HOUR. WHAT YOU LEARN IN A LECTURE HALL YOU WILL NEVER GENUINELY POSSESS; IT IS TOO GRUBBY WITH THE HANDS OF OTHER PEOPLE. LEARNING SOMETHING IN A CLASSROOM IS LIKE SITTING DOWN ON A PUBLIC TOILET AND FINDING THE SEAT ALREADY WARM. THEREFORE STUDENT: I TELL THEE THAT WHEN THOU LEARNEST, THOU SHALT NOT BE AS THE HYPOCRITES ARE, FOR THEY LOVE TO LEARN BLABBERING IN THEIR CLASSROOMS AND CLUB MEETINGS. gently caress YOUR EXTRACURRICS. gently caress YOUR 4.0. LAY NOT UP FOR YOURSELVES TREASURES ON EARTH. FOR THOSE OF YOU HIGHER UP IN ACADEMIA, TAKE YOUR CANDLE OUT FROM UNDER THAT loving BUSHEL. YOU ARE BUILT FOR BETTER THINGS THAN PANDERING TO TEENAGERS AND ADDING LINES TO YOUR CV. WRITE NOT VAIN REPETITIONS, AS THE CONFERENCE-HOPPERS DO: FOR THEY THINK THAT THEY SHALL BE HEARD FOR THEIR MUCH SPEAKING. STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW PEOPLE SEE THE HUMANITIES AS USELESS AND START BEING USEFUL. YOU ARE THE SALT OF THE EARTH, BUT IF THE SALT HATH LOST ITS SAVOUR, THEN IT IS GOOD FOR NOTHING, AND IT SHOULD BE TRODDEN UNDER THE FOOT OF MEN. EXCEPT YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS SHALL EXCEED THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF THE SCRIBES AND PHARISEES, YE SHALL IN NO CASE ENTER INTO THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN. THE BLIND CARNIVAL OF MODERN EDUCATION WILL DANCE ITSELF OFF A CLIFF. WHEN THE STUDENT LOAN SYSTEM COLLAPSES, AS IS ABSOLUTELY INEVITABLE, THE COLLEGE WILL CRUMBLE, AND EVERY PERSON IT HAS EMPLOYED OR PRETENDED TO EDUCATE WILL SUFFER FOR IT. IT HAS BUILT ITS HOUSE UPON THE SAND. THE RAIN SHALL DESCEND. THE FLOODS SHALL COME. THE WINDS SHALL BLOW AND BEAT UPON THAT HOUSE, AND IT SHALL FALL. AND GREAT WILL BE THE FALL OF IT. ---------------- |
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May 13, 2015 04:22
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Small poops |
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May 13, 2015 05:48
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whatever the opposite of mapparu is |
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May 13, 2015 05:49
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Guides for lizard sex.
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May 13, 2015 07:54
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people who say "maths" and "catsup" and "colour" on primarily american english forums, games, and websites. even moreso when they insist that their spelling is superior |
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May 13, 2015 15:44
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what is this from? |
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May 13, 2015 16:27
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I dislike the colour of maths books, and catsup. |
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May 13, 2015 17:24
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do you hate catsup or the color of it? |
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May 13, 2015 18:18
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plugging old consoles into hdtv and it looks like pup walking around and your shoe uncomf because a spare piece of earth under your foot (gotta shake it out) pillow's too warm and no energy to flip to cool side didn't bring any headphones to the dentist sorry charlie gotta hear it, your toothspackle sand morsel better luck net time |
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May 13, 2015 18:36
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Pomp posted:Hey buddy that is a lot of words in one post! How did you fit em all in there like that? |
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May 14, 2015 03:57
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kuskus posted:plugging old consoles into hdtv and it looks like pup put your pillow in the freezer for a bit before hitting the hay. |
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May 14, 2015 04:17
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that was a suggestion, not a thing I dislike. things I dislike: - being with people who point at other people. - crossing the street anywhere other than at the crosswalk (if there's traffic) - price increases on food. |
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May 14, 2015 04:19
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Cyber Dog posted:what is this from? someone on tumblr who really hates english majors ---------------- |
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May 14, 2015 04:32
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speaking loudly in public places. when my friends are talking in a movie, and i tell them to shut the gently caress up, and they ask "what happened to not giving a poo poo what anyone thought about us?" (i literally broke up with a girl about this, and really only this). |
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May 14, 2015 05:26
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- lists
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May 14, 2015 10:46
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people who use the term "web 2.0" as a visual descriptor |
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May 14, 2015 17:54
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-myself |
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May 14, 2015 20:31
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If you can't love yourself, how can you love others?
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May 14, 2015 23:20
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drilldo squirt posted:If you can't love yourself, how can you love others? - others |
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May 15, 2015 01:38
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nonazis posted:-myself you're a valuable human being, you have worth, you are loved
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May 15, 2015 01:42
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did someone say smoobles yet? i don't dislike smoobles per se but maybe that would be a funny joke? |
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May 16, 2015 17:33
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not my real name posted:did someone say smoobles yet? i don't dislike smoobles per se but maybe that would be a funny joke? it is a funny joke, but it may hurt smoobles' feelings. perhaps you should ask him via pm. |
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May 16, 2015 18:51
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i give you guys permission to do the "smoobles" comedy answer (or even post it unironically) itt
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May 16, 2015 18:53
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i really like smoobles i don't dislike smoobles at all
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May 16, 2015 18:55
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well gosh, to be honest...i like almost everything 
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May 17, 2015 04:08
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i give you guys permission to do the "smoobles" comedy answer (or even post it unironically) itt
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May 17, 2015 04:25
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I hate when circle-shaped pizza is cut in a grid. It's a circle, cut it like a pie, you shitlord. |
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May 17, 2015 04:49
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drilldo squirt posted:If you can't love yourself, how can you love others? people saying this poo poo |
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May 17, 2015 10:15
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Love yourself friends, love your imperfections as they are a part of you.
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May 17, 2015 10:22
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I'm not perfect? That's ok as long as I try and improve, and even if you don't wan't to, that's fine!
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May 17, 2015 10:24
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| # ? May 3, 2024 22:29 |
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jerks.
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May 17, 2015 10:32
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