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a small patch of new development had sprung up on his collar and he could barely see past the cranes and half-finished high rises. a hobo encampment was thriving on his right sleeve and it was much too hot for a coat. he wanted to take it off but it was rush hour and the slightest movement could mean tragedy for the thousands of gridlocked commuters trapped on his zipper. he wondered sadly why he'd ever moved to literal city
Lil Cunty fucked around with this message at 20:43 on Oct 6, 2015 |
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Oct 6, 2015 19:37
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"plans for tonight?" the man asks his coworker as they clock out and gather their belongings. "no, just hanging at home", his coworker replies bleakly. "please don't," the man says, placing an awkward hand on his shoulder. "you have so much to live for".
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Oct 6, 2015 19:40
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he went to a bar and ordered a stiff drink. the bartender frowned and placed a glass of beer in the freezer. "it'll take an hour to stiffen at least" he growled, not making eye contact. the old drunk on the barstool next to him nodded toward the stage. "man these cats can really swing" he said by way of conversation, and then they both fell into silence, trying to ignore the angry yowls and hisses coming from the swing set on the stage
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Oct 6, 2015 19:49
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a sultry blonde with a red dress and legs that wouldn't quit walked in. every eye in the bar was on her. "my god," gasped the bartender, blood pouring from his recently emptied eye sockets as he stumbled over yards and yards of the blonde's legs. "what have we done to deserve this hell? someone call 911"
Lil Cunty fucked around with this message at 20:05 on Oct 6, 2015
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Oct 6, 2015 20:02
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the nurse changes his bandages with gentle efficiency. "you're doing very well," she says encouragingly, "the doctor says you'll have your sight back soon". "thank you for your kindness," he says. she smiles, hesitates, drops her voice to a whisper. "im going to lock your personal belongings in the cabinet. I don't trust the orderly on shift tonight, he's a real snake in the grass" the man raises his eyebrows but says nothing. "normally it's not a problem," she continues conspiratorially, "but the landscapers didn't come this week and the grass is kneedeep throughout the entire hospital. he could be anywhere"
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Oct 6, 2015 20:14
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Lil Cunty posted:a sultry blonde with a red dress and legs that wouldn't quit walked in. every eye in the bar was on her. "my god," gasped the bartender, blood pouring from his recently emptied eye sockets as he stumbled over yards and yards of the blonde's legs. "what have we done to deserve this hell? someone call 911" |
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Oct 6, 2015 20:17
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there was a knock on the hospital door. "yes?" the man asked suspiciously, remembering the nurse's warning, but it was just the hospital chaplain making his rounds. "hello, my son," he said, "have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?" "yes father," the man replied. "I found Jesus when I was 12." the old priest dropped to his knees. the man could hear quiet weeping. "please," he begged the man, "tell me where, please, I've been looking my whole life." the man sighed and gave the old priest an address
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Oct 6, 2015 20:26
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Brad why the hell would you do that *Brad puts glass down confused I was thirsty, you were in the garage? *sobbing now* You knew my wife was a tall drink of water |
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Oct 6, 2015 20:26
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ChairmanMeow posted:Brad why the hell would you do that
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Oct 6, 2015 20:28
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the man is home, on medical leave. his friend from work stops by for a visit. "hey man what's wrong? you look a little blue" the man looks in the mirror and sees its true. this hasn't been a good week. "agh!" he complains, "and I just got rid of my brown dress shoes too!"
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Oct 6, 2015 20:36
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his friend slaps him on the back. "come on let's get out of here, I'll buy you a drink. last one to the truck is a rotten egg!" his friend sprints for the door, his terrible curse hanging in the air. "I don't want to kill you," the man says, raising a gun, b"ut I have a date with a nurse on Friday and shes allergic to eggs"
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Oct 6, 2015 20:42
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she put her cigarette out firmly in the ashtray as she sat in the worn chair across my desk. It wasnt the first time a beautiful dame strolled into my office wanting me to find someone for her, but this time i could tell she wanted revenge. Maybe it was the fire in those green eyes or the .45 in her designer bag that kept me from telling her to get out, right then and there, but hell - i guess I've always been a sucker for a damsel in distress. "Yeah, I can find him for you", I said trying to play it cool. "but it will cost you an arm and a leg" She said nothing, and I'd be lying if a hint of a smile didn't betray her cold demeanor. "Fine, detective...whatever you need." and as quickly as she sat down, she stood up, detached her prosthetics, and laid them across the oak surface in front of me. Using her umbrella, she hobbled to the door and spit a glance back at me; her long brown hair washing over her shoulders. "Tell me detectice", she said leaning against the opaque surface of my paned glass door. "Do you fall in love with all your gimp clents." "No.", I replied. "Just the ones in skirts" |
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Oct 6, 2015 20:48
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She turned to him, a gleam in her eye and a mischievous smirk on her face. "Kiss me like you've never kissed anyone before." His mouth agape, tongue lolling, he lapped her face twice before she kneed him in the crotch. |
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Oct 6, 2015 20:51
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Rick: Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. *Rick and Ilsa embrace, scene cuts away to the great bean hills surrounding Casablanca*
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Oct 6, 2015 21:14
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Luca had made one too many mistakes, so the boss had given him a pair of cement shoes, and now he slept with the fishes. He found the new aquarium in his bedroom soothing, but the shoes were murder on his bunyans. This in turn made him nervous that the police would discover that his feet were now a crime scene, so he would sweat bullets every time he saw a cop. If he moved like a mouse the clinking of the bullets would barely be noticeable, but it drove him crazy to have to crawl on all fours and constantly stop and sniff the air. And that was why he was now in an insane asylum, his concrete loafers hiding their deadly secret, sitting in a growing pile of bullets, nibbling on a piece of cheese and thinking that those damned fish weren't so soothing after all, what with their screaming all night while tiny demons tormented them. |
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Oct 6, 2015 21:53
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he was a real tough cookie with a doll on each arm. he'd originally gone in for crime but found tea parties to be much more his speed
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Oct 6, 2015 23:01
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she had a face that could launch a thousand ships, and that was why she worked here at the docks, untying mooring ropes using only her teeth and headbutting newly christened vessels off the boat ramps |
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Oct 6, 2015 23:40
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google THIS posted:she had a face that could launch a thousand ships, and that was why she worked here at the docks, untying mooring ropes using only her teeth and headbutting newly christened vessels off the boat ramps lol
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Oct 6, 2015 23:41
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I'd been following the guy all night and my dogs were barking. they're my mom's dogs actually but she's on a cruise so I'm watching them for her. the perp finally turned around. "I know you're tailing me buddy. for one thing your dogs are really loud and also I felt you pin the tail on my butt." "this isn't a game!" I screamed. we stared at each other in the night. "well, OK. it is a game. but know that I take pin the tail on the donkey VERY seriously"
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Oct 7, 2015 00:32
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it was the shadiest bar in the seedy underbelly of the city. i wondered why they bothered to plant so many seeds, what with all the shade, and the place smelled terrible, what with the crotch of the city bring only a few blocks south |
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Oct 7, 2015 01:50
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google THIS posted:she had a face that could launch a thousand ships, and that was why she worked here at the docks, untying mooring ropes using only her teeth and headbutting newly christened vessels off the boat ramps my fav so far |
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Oct 7, 2015 02:47
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Sam Spade put on his coat and hat: he was on the case. He ruined the hat and the coat fell to the floor, of course. |
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Oct 7, 2015 12:48
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I have a lot of enemies in the mob, which means my house has a lot of really nice curtains, and i didn't pay for a single one 
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Oct 7, 2015 17:23
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alnilam posted:I have a lot of enemies in the mob, which means my house has a lot of really nice curtains, and i didn't pay for a single one |
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Oct 7, 2015 17:33
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alnilam posted:I have a lot of enemies in the mob, which means my house has a lot of really nice curtains, and i didn't pay for a single one
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Oct 7, 2015 18:02
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my eyes frantically searched the crowd--had i lost her before I even began? That's when I saw them. Those gams. By god those gams--I'd recognize them anywhere. Like god himself shaped the stuff of dreams. Long. lean. Boneless. Breaded. It was a good day at Trader Joe's. |
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Oct 7, 2015 18:31
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alnilam posted:I have a lot of enemies in the mob, which means my house has a lot of really nice curtains, and i didn't pay for a single one |
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Oct 7, 2015 19:10
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As I leaned over her naked body she reached down and started jacking my cock. The hydraulic platform started raising the rooster up so he could watch.
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Oct 7, 2015 19:25
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each time the outlaw failed to pass the gate, his resolve only grew stronger. but with each failure also grew his suspicion, that perhaps the sheriff was correct in his proclamation about the town's geometry |
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Oct 7, 2015 19:28
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Lutha Mahtin posted:each time the outlaw failed to pass the gate, his resolve only grew stronger. but with each failure also grew his suspicion, that perhaps the sheriff was correct in his proclamation about the town's geometry haha
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Oct 7, 2015 20:13
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I had two things on my desk. A bottle of jack and my trusty .45. One I kept loaded and the other kept me loaded. It was 6 AM when the sunshine slowly crept into the room. "That's far enough, sunshine", Jack shot out. "Tell me, mr Daniels, do you always keep a detective on you," sunshine inquired, "or were you hoping to see someone wasted?" |
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Oct 7, 2015 23:00
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