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Uglycat posted:I want again to feel Very nice, Leonard Cohen. You Tried to Change Your Name You tried to change your name But every other detail of life Was, and still is, Exactly the same I Grew a Beard I grew a beard for two years When I looked in the mirror After shaving it off I saw a face two years older If I hadn't grown a beard And I looked in the mirror Would I see a face That looked two years younger?
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Jan 13, 2017 18:25
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the balloon headed boy could would kick his desk undoing knots he had to do to get through the mess and hold the string taut against his cheeks and say “ Now There’s More To It Than That but That’s That.” what a laugh! they always slap the back of my head and hand me a knotted flower and then I saw what a man could do so I saw it in two
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Jan 21, 2017 04:42
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oops
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Feb 19, 2017 20:29
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Electric Owl posted:oops this is a good poem
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Feb 19, 2017 21:43
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LargeHadron posted:Very nice, Leonard Cohen. I read your poems. I haven't critiqued a poem in like four years now (gently caress), so I'm not even going to try to be all fancy about what I say right now. I like that you posted two together. They are very similar in theme, I guess. I Grew a Beard is the better of the two. You Tried to Change Your Name might be more of a facebook post or something, but this I Grew a Beard has that last line which caught me off guard. I know that the above was useless but I'll try harder has time goes on. If people post poems.
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Feb 22, 2017 01:45
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I Grew a Beard feels like a pre-poem. It poses a question and doesn't attempt in any way to answer it, it's lazy, like something a stoned person would say and then laugh before moving to an entirely new topic. Answer your question, explore it, and write a poem about that. Then write a poem a year later about why you were wrong.
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Feb 23, 2017 04:55
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dont answer ur questions thats boring just make ur questions more interesting imo
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Feb 23, 2017 05:07
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anyways into a real critique of i grew a beard, i dont really care for it since im an image man when it comes to poems and theres no like real images to the poem. while i feel like the central conceit and question is cool, it never goes quite beyond that. it just kinda says to itself "yeah that was deep" but doesnt rly ponder the question and is just like "well reader what do u think" w/o really convincing me to put in the time to think about the question. its just there and there's nothing really there, nothing really to see, and nothing quite there to feel. u dont convince me to think about ur question so im just left thinking ehhhh w/e
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Feb 23, 2017 05:12
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Hi thread, the something awful best dog invitational has started and we need to win! I feel that real strongly. As creative convention we are obviously best at creating poo poo. Obviously. So make the best dog using poetry words, and post it in that thread by 3 March. Great will be your glory!
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Feb 25, 2017 12:20
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flerp posted:anyways into a real critique of i grew a beard, i dont really care for it since im an image man when it comes to poems and theres no like real images to the poem. while i feel like the central conceit and question is cool, it never goes quite beyond that. it just kinda says to itself "yeah that was deep" but doesnt rly ponder the question and is just like "well reader what do u think" w/o really convincing me to put in the time to think about the question. its just there and there's nothing really there, nothing really to see, and nothing quite there to feel. u dont convince me to think about ur question so im just left thinking ehhhh w/e I agree I think we're meaning the same thing here. I think I really meant "attempt, earnestly, to answer this question"
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Feb 26, 2017 10:12
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Electric Owl posted:the balloon headed boy could *** This is a poem I wrote for TD week 233 but I didn't actually enter that week so I'm gonna put it here. It's a villanelle. [crappy poem removed] Uranium Phoenix fucked around with this message at 04:14 on Nov 13, 2017 |
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Feb 27, 2017 00:58
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The word you're looking for there is "shudder". Otherwise it paints an overly dramatic (with somewhat underwhelming imagery) cliche. Your transition between the fourth and fifth tercets is hard to parse, possibly due to repetition of "... In the ... In the...".
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Feb 28, 2017 01:11
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I couldn't sleep, so I got the notepad out: Oh dreamwalker, where have all the stars gone? Away, asleep, forever lost to night's expanse. Never to align or hold a sign, For expeditious travelers, or those who seek a guide. The only light that's left, Has already been captured by thine eyes, Chestnut brown with blues and whites. Like skies and earth of mortal coil, Your vision is a fertile soil. So dreamwalker, a thousand steps are left to pace, Until you wake to spread your grace. Calm fucked around with this message at 08:30 on Apr 6, 2017 |
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Apr 6, 2017 08:27
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Calm posted:I couldn't sleep, so I got the notepad out: I don't mean to be rude, but why would you use a word like "thine"? The only explanation I can think of is that it's a signal word used to align yourself with poets of ye olden tymes and give your work a greater sense of gravity.
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Apr 20, 2017 16:34
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Lampsacus fucked around with this message at 22:56 on Nov 13, 2017 |
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Apr 26, 2017 06:17
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dont leave until u buy
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Jun 19, 2017 03:20
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I fear I am pretentious, I fear I hate myself, I fear I'm a whiny basement communist who is resented that he failed at life, I fear I am self-centered, I fear that's why I write. We are Diametrically Opposed. We are dancers on a ring That shrinks And grows. We spin on ends And toe to toe; We marvel at the scaly rose That marks our path And we begin Anew. What didn’t say That shrouded peak, It’s feathers gesturing A cross, Where all folks walk Away unsure? We danced on every road to sing, Because stages we denied, That “The World is vain And life’s a Dream.”— Were it true We would never be denied. So here we dance on poles unseen And from your face unwistfully it seems We’ll stay here forever, Or just so long as we have to, which To the untrained eye Are not merely two expressions. But have two different meanings Clashing: You and I, and so... We are Diametrically Opposed. We are dancers on a ring That shrinks And grows.
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Jul 16, 2017 08:37
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(This one i stole some lines from LIL B) See the sun slip off my feet. I'm sweatin blood Ask a chicken what he's doin: straight hatchin bruh Ask a frog what he's workin on: eatin bugs How strange, how strange, how strange, how strange. Somebody tell the ocean I'm here now Somebody tell the trees I'm here now Somebody tell the mountains that I'm fleshed out Somebody tell the stars that I'm blessed Catch me on the corner in immaculate Nikes See me slip and fall to my death (This next one I wrote it late at night when i couldn't sleep) Poisonous Dick Everyone is scared of my poison dick. Because if you touch it, you might die.
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Aug 14, 2017 05:37
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Radio du Cambodge posted:Poisonous Dick 
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Aug 14, 2017 07:29
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Mdmazing I was ever here, Anon I left, Shedding pockets worth of Pennies, gum, potent powder Soft cheek meat By churning jaw is cleft Hearts Dilate Eyes Widen Many truths are spoken But mange hides them
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Sep 9, 2017 02:59
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just a short one. the lady like a shepard's crook in a nightgown, embodying the vein and raining water to the soil, tend to the ethyll sweet green you've sown, and pray the carnival below doesn't turn to laurel, bringing all that play the day to ply their way, and make a parody of all that we pray, as if GOD onceinawhile hugged His own arse to say, --what's the deal with YHWH?
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Oct 17, 2017 21:07
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This was something I just through of. Think of it as me from somewhere else on the central finite curve. I Hate You I Hate how you were my best friend I Hate how you told me your darkest secret I Hate how you then told everyone I Hate how you then changed so fast I Hate how you use to laugh at my jokes I Hate how you now can’t take a joke I Hate how you now have to argue with me I Hate how you cut me out of your life I Hate how you have new friends I Hate how you have a girlfriend most of all I Hate how you smile at at her I Hate how she’s not me I Hate how I built this prison for myself I Hate how I know how to be happy I Hate how I feel the need to follow this script I hate how much I have to live with myself I Hate your smile I Hate your voice I Hate your hair I Hate your happiness I Hate You
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Oct 31, 2017 03:05
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BigRed0427 posted:I Hate You I Hate This. It's unbearably twee and low-effort and so surface my attention couldn't help but bounce off it. All in all, I see a lucrative book contract in your future.
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Nov 3, 2017 03:08
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Let's make a 2017 thread, I'll sticky it if it's a decent op
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Nov 3, 2017 13:19
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