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Dear Deckie, I need your help! I am having an ongoing disagreement with my new girlfriend. I have a really nice piece of cyberwear that I gave my last girlfriend as a gift, but she never had a chance to get it implanted before she got iced. I want my new girlfriend to have it. It's not like I salvaged this or anything, it's brand new, but she thinks it's "gross" and "weird" that I'd give it to her. I think it's practical, because let's face it, stuff like this doesn't come cheap, but I myself can't move it for half of what it's worth. She's never cared how something was obtained before so I'm having difficulty understanding why it matters all the sudden. How can I convince her there's nothing wrong with a regifted implant? Signed, Pragmatic in Seattle |
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Mar 15, 2016 00:38
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Dear Pragmatic in Seattle, While financially this may make sense, you have to understand that in a romantic relationship, it can be inappropriate to hold onto ties to your past partners. It can be inferred from your current partner that you are not over your ex and are not truly excited to be with them. I would recommend trading out the old implant. Also, please consider that some may justifiably find used implants unsanitary and gross even if in reality it has been perfectly disinfected. Certain types of implants (particularly the sexy ones) may amplify this effect. Certain neural implants may also carry the risk of infecting your girlfriend with the personality and memories of the previous user. This is understandably scary. Unfortunately, without knowing the type of augment I can't provide more than general advice. All hail the Machine God and have a good night. I hope you too can work this out. Sincerely, Deckie
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Mar 15, 2016 00:57
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Dear Pragmatic, While your girlfriend's feelings are understandable, and you should try to consider how she must feel being regifted something of such a personal nature that belonged to an ex-lover of yours, it would be a huge waste to sell an augment for pennies on the dollar or let it go to waste. I recommend that instead of pushing it on her and trying to convince her to see reason, which will only alienate her and make you seem callous, you should implant the thing in yourself and use it to heist some credits off of the deep net with her help. A few cracked ATMs should put you in the black even after the cost of the augment, and not only can you spend the credits on a brand new, more personalized gift for your girlfriend, but the theft itself will be a bonding experience. Just be sure to use proxies and watch out for cops. I hear EMP blasters have become standard issue in the northwestern megacities. Regards, Deckie DM Deckie is sponsored by Junk Cola. Real punks drink Junk.
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Mar 15, 2016 00:59
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Dear Deckie, My mom remarried a few years ago, and I hate to say it, but the guy is a real ogre. She seems happy but it makes family gatherings uncomfortable. When he's there, nobody gets a chance to eat before all the food disappears (not that they even want to, considering the smell.) I'm not racist, but I would like to know, is it ok to invite her, but not him, to the next Annual Profit Sharing Celebration™? Sincerely, Feeling Ogrewhelmed |
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Mar 15, 2016 02:09
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Dear Feeling Ogrewhelmed, There's nothing racist about it; ogres are just plain different from humans. It is what it is, and you shouldn't feel embarrassed about that. I don't think not inviting him is the way to go, as that might offend him and your mother. However, you can still make sure that he doesn't attend in a more subtle way. One solution would be to hire someone to ice him, but that might make your mother distraught, not to mention cost a fortune. Another way to go is to jack him into a cyberspace suite programmed to be exactly like the gathering while he's asleep, so he can eat all of the simulated digital food and repulse simulated digital guests while you all get to enjoy an ogre-free banquette in the real world. When he falls asleep in the program, just unjack him and he'll wake up the next day not knowing the difference. Hope that helps, Deckie DM Deckie is sponsored by Sanicorp. Try water 2.0 today
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Mar 15, 2016 02:20
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Dear Deckie, I never thought I'd be saying this, but I can't stand the new flavor array of my megacorps Nutritional Attitude Supplements. I can barely swallow them most days and let's just say that I'm glad my dorm block gets first shift in the Lavatorium. For the past 3 Employee/Citizen Morale Surveys I've considered selecting Highly Satisfied instead of Completely Satisfied for my Archology Lifestyle Rating. I know Honesty is a Valued Asset and necessary for corporate growth but I'm afraid of letting the others in my subsector down by reducing our average scores. After all, Togetherness is Essential to Success, but how can I balance my Honesty with my Togetherness? Sincerely, Pilled in two directions |
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Mar 15, 2016 03:43
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Dear Pilled in two directions, Wow, in all of the terabytes of DMs I've responded to, that might be the toughest situation I've seen, but I'll try my best to help you. My suggestion would be to continue rating your quality of life as Completely Satisfied on the surveys, but surreptitiously file a complaint with customer services about your dissatisfaction. They should get back to you in 12-34 weeks or so with some free nutritional supplements. While the complaint is going through the tubes, go ahead and get yourself an Organ Co. Digestionator 2000 Big Byte series titanium stomach. They're hardy and reliable and a used one shouldn't run you more than 400 company scrip. You probably won't have to replace it for another six months or so. Installation is where they get you, but DIY is always an option. By the time that's all done, you should be sitting pretty with some free samples and your stomach won't bother you a bit. Hope that helps, Deckie DM Deckie is sponsored by Organ Co. Organ donors get 50% off next purchase if you tell them Deckie sent you.
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Mar 15, 2016 03:56
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Dear Deckie, So I use implanted personality chips to get by at work. Big deal, right? We all do it, buy my guns. The daily grind is just a little easier when you have a smile on your face, so who cares how the smile got there, is what I think (and I know a bunch of co-workers who do too!). The issue is, my usual supplier went AWOL after he said on Tweetsphere how he was unsatisfied with his service at MegaDenny's, so in desperation, I hit up a street market. These guns are great and at such low prices you can't resist them. They had an American knock-off of my usual (Complicit Caroline, from the Renraku Bluetones range), so I picked that up, but I think whoever hacked the encryption key also put a bunch of ads for their fantastic back alley gun warehouse, message my private comm on 016483-Z oh no for the location, into the neuron map... Thankfully my fellow drones are so tuned out most of the time that I don't think anyone's noticed how good these deals are, but my section head is visiting the cube stack next week and I'm worried he'll be driven mad by the insanely low prices at Shady Shen's Back Alley Front of the Line Guns, as many as you want, all here, preloaded with "a clip and a spare!" for a trifling ¥60 charge. You want assault rifle with a cable that plugs into your head and shows you numbers coming out of the people you shoot? We have that. Rocket launchers? Yes, dozens! Please find some way to help me. I will pay you. You'll buy hundreds of guns. sincerely, Please Buy Guns From Me, As Many As You Can |
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Mar 15, 2016 04:17
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Dear Deckie, I started a great job a few months ago that has really changed my life. I'm doing work I'm good at and I'm being compensated fairly for my time. Nobody has tried to kill me yet. I have even been able to save up some credits for once! It's got me thinking about asking my boyfriends if they'd like to draft a marriage contract and settle down. There is, however, a proverbial bug in the code. I am starting to think my boss is a dragon. I don't have any proof, it's only the creepy feeling I get when he says he'd like to have me for dinner real soon, or the way he seems a little too calculated and perfect with his silver hair, eyes, and accessories. Also, my coworkers make a lot of injokes about the curse of the new guy, even though all those employees passed away under perfectly legitimate circumstances relating to personal ineptitude. Do you think I could be psyching myself out due to fear of failure? Or is it possible that I've unwittingly gone to work for a dragon, and if so, how do I get out alive? --The Newest New Guy
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Mar 15, 2016 04:29
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Android Blues posted:Dear Deckie, lol
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Mar 15, 2016 04:30
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titty wibby booboo
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Mar 15, 2016 07:44
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Android Blues posted:Dear Deckie, lol |
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Mar 15, 2016 14:03
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Dear Deckie, Big fan of the vidcast! I've been employed as a corporate sniper for a while now (can't say exactly how long due to the MemErosion implant). Business used to be great; Temcom Corp and Wason International had both determined the optimal location for a huge sensie resort to be the same plot of desert in southwest Oceania. For years I was employed on both sides, picking off construction workers, ice cream salesmen and so on. However, these corps merged a few years back, and this gave them the cordiality necessary to decide on building one resort underground and the other hovering in midair. Since then I've been out of work. Thoughts? Sincerely, Snipe, Crackle and Pop
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Mar 16, 2016 19:10
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Dear Deckie, I'm the mayor of a town in mideast Oceania named "Omaha." We've recently undergone a technological renaissance, and as mayor, the task has fallen to me to rename the city. The trend for other cities has been to attach the phrase "Neo" to the front, but doing so would make the city "Neoomaha." This is awkward, to say the least, and my good friends at Omaha Resistor Paint Co. have quite convincingly told me that if I don't resolve the naming issue and improve the city's public image, I might have to take a short walk off a long bucket of resistor paint. Can you help me out here? Sincerely, Okay in Omaha
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Mar 16, 2016 19:11
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