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Computer: Tea, Earl Grey - Hot. and a... yes, what was it miss? Right- a karamel mahkyato for our esteemed female compatriot, computer, that would be most excellent.  
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May 11, 2016 07:35
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Unguided posted:Turn your head and cough in the giant ball of the Olympic class medical ship. Before we start, did you get a good look at our ship before you came aboard? Good. Good. We make them look like that to prepare you.
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May 11, 2016 07:57
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What? Your jumpsuit doesn't transfer bodily wastes into biscuits?
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May 11, 2016 08:18
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Star date 420: Smoked some wild space weed
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May 11, 2016 09:53
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JediTalentAgent posted:Not again. Picard is trying to sort out some stuff because we had a First Contact situation with a pre-warp culture and they've assumed because we came from the sky, we're gods... you're my favorite poster
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May 11, 2016 12:38
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So apparently Charlie Evans can slap Yeoman Rand on the rear end and get off scott free, but when I do it I get confined to quarters. Talk about double standards!
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May 12, 2016 00:57
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You're no Charlie Evans.
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May 12, 2016 01:20
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Th ugly thread title said Streetlight Manifesto and voted 1 because ska is for retards
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May 12, 2016 04:00
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I bet odo could conduct some world class cavity searches
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May 12, 2016 04:14
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Really quark you aren't hiding those bars of stolen gold pressed latinum up your bhole? Are we gonna do this the easy way or the hard way
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May 12, 2016 04:15
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Stardate 50235.67: This is the third time this week security personnel has been called to Ambassador Troi's quarters to deal with a personal communicator "issue". Since the last visit ended when my male coworker decided to file a sexual harassment complaint against her, and because I am the only female security officer on duty, I have been assigned to the call. I really hope she didn't fall for another Ferengi Prince scam.
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May 12, 2016 05:17
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Stardate 50535.8- Per senior crew directive we will no longer be assigning male maintenance staff to service Seven of Nine's borg alcove after last weeks incident.
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May 12, 2016 05:55
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"Hold that turboli---!" Then I see it's the First Officer. I barely got the world 'hold' out of my mouth before Commander Riker started shouting at the computer "Close lift doors!" Then I wait and wait for the return of the lift, and it never comes. I'm waiting there like an rear end in a top hat and decide I've had enough of this and get the computer to give me directions via Jeffries Tubes to get to Deck 10. 15 minutes later, I crawl out of a port on the floor and I see Riker just leaning on the open lift doors having a conversation. Then he shoots me a smug look and I can't tell if he's just being 'normal' smug Riker and is just trying to impress everyone with the way he can keep an attractive woman interested in him, or if he's being 'rear end in a top hat' smug Riker because he recognized me from Deck 2 and only did any of this just to mess with me. I pretend like I don't see him in either case and just trudge myself over to the bar and want to finally unwind. Then he sees me pull up a stool and he suddenly ends his conversation, coming up to me and asking me if I'm having a drink when I should be repairing something in those Jeffries Tubes. I then have to try to delicately explain to him that I've been off-duty for the last 30 minutes, I was just trying to get to Ten Forward and that was the only way. He starts giving me a verbal warning about how the Jeffries Tubes aren't for non-duty travel and it's a danger to the ship to have the crew turning them into shortcuts because they don't have time to wait on a lift or the inclined walkways. The walkways? The ones ALL THE WAY ON THE OTHER END OF THE SHIP? Whoever designed this vessel didn't think we needed THAT many sets of stairs between decks to between levels because, 'hey, these turbolifts are super fast! People can use those quickly." Then good ol' Picard gets off the turbolift, first thing out of his mouth when approaching Riker is a complaint about the lift being broken because he waited nearly 20 minutes for it to arrive for him. Then Riker starts telling him how I was just telling HIM about the lifts being broken and that I had to use the Jeffries Tubes. Before anyone can say anything else, Picard wants to know why I'm taking a break instead of doing a full diagnostic, then? I'm a Starfleet Officer, I need to show the initiative and when I see a problem, I need to fix it and he expects a lift system status report in the morning.
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May 12, 2016 05:59
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I call this post "Encounter at Farpoint"
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May 12, 2016 06:25
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Dinosaurmageddon posted:Computer: Tea, Earl Grey - Hot. and a... yes, what was it miss? Right- a karamel mahkyato for our esteemed female compatriot, computer, that would be most excellent. COMPUTER! ME DUMB AS HELL! PLZ GIVE TO ME COFFEE!!!
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May 12, 2016 06:30
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Chief Medical Examiners Log, Stardate I-Don't-Even-Give-A-gently caress. The Security team is down another half-dozen today. I don't know where they even get these guys anymore, it's been a good six-months since the last time we visited a Starbase and somehow, no matter have many of these assholes I stitch back together long enough to get shot out of the ship in a torpedo casing, there's still more. I can't tell if the fact that they all look the same to me is because I'm getting loving jaded or if Bones is actually just straight up cloning people to feed the meat grinder that is an Enterprise away mission, and I'm not running DNA tests to check because I don't want to loving know. The Captain just uses them like ablative loving armor, and as far as I can tell they are more than okay with it. Hell, the COD for two of them today was a Phaser-blast to the back of the head. Am I going to report that to Starfleet? You bet your rear end I'm not, I learned my lesson last time. Oh, and we can add another one to the Kirk-Induced Suicide counter today, this one was pregnant with twins. I need to have a chat with McCoy, I'm sick of cleaning up after the Captain and his sick loving games. He ends up in Sick Bay often enough, maybe we can at least give him the old snippidy-doo-dah while he's out so that when he's done playing with his strumpet of the week she doesn't take anyone else out with her. One last odd note, I had four bodies prepped for funerary services for tomorrow, and one of the torpedo casings has been smashed open. Why whoever took the body decided that, after unsealing it to take the body out, they would make it look like it was broken open from the inside I don't know, but I hope they enjoyed their little prank, as much as I'm going to enjoy sealing them in one of these things and shooting them into a nearby star when I catch them.
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May 12, 2016 06:45
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I'd like to castrate the sick gently caress who thought artificial, grav view ports would be cool. Do you starfleet hotshots have ANY loving clue how many mop heads I have to replicate every goddamntime power fails to a whole deck? 37. Minimum.
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May 12, 2016 06:52
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<<ATTENTION ALL DECKS: Would Wesley Crusher please report to Captain Picard's quarters? This is in response to the "klingon chili" incident that occurred on last Wednesday's burrito night. The captain requests that you would 'bring your appetite' to the meeting, and also to let you know that your mother, Dr. Beverly Crusher, has left for a holiday on Risa not more than twenty minutes ago. Please do have a wonderful day  >>
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May 12, 2016 09:54
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sometimes I wonder why I chose to be a spaceship janitor instead of living a life of perfect hedonism on earth. oh well. more cum mops needed on holodeck 3!
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May 12, 2016 10:28
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JiveHonky posted:I call fixed for me, unironically, irl
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May 12, 2016 15:40
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THE DOG HOUSE posted:sometimes i get into arguments with someone who thinks all these shows had great deeper meaning and lessons with humanity. t he last one was him explaining how in one society they fought a virtual war then the loser would then kill off some % of its population and how tidy that was and how it was what we were heading to. its always some crap like that too that could never actually work and NO IT IS NOT CLEVER One of the Culture novels (Surface Detail) had a plotline kinda similar to this, and played out to its logical conclusion. Two big alliances of super-powerful civilizations were fighting a war with each other purely in a virtual realm because a real war would be super destructive and this way no one has to die. Then one side starts to lose and gets the idea, "gently caress this game, let's just go smash the other side in real life while they don't see it coming."
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May 12, 2016 17:26
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My favorite human critique in a sci fi show was on babylon 5. Some aliens on the station, drazi, start going loving nuts beating the poo poo out of each other and loving up the station. It turns out that every so often they split into two arbitrary factions and fight it out for supremecy. The object lesson is that they are loving dumb as hell and no one cares about their dumb bullshit cuz they're just stupid loving drazi. White human's burden only goes so far as protecting the station.
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May 12, 2016 18:49
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Stardate 5.23-74: Someone told scotty there was a separate officer's bathroom. Find person responsible and jettison them.
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May 12, 2016 19:32
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CREWMANS LOG: If y'all engineers are gonna line the ops panel with cushions, please tell Mr. Spock that people should not be reprimanded for resting on them while on duty, gently caress!
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May 13, 2016 02:03
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