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Yep, we're going to the Euros and it's gonna be a clusterfuck. Much of what I wrote two years ago for the Switzerland World Cup thread still holds true, most notably the fact that Switzerland is (still) full of fascists and racists, which makes it quite ironic that most of our footballers hail from glorious Albania and other bongo countries:I posted this in 2014 and I was right posted:The cool thing about Switzerland and their system of 'direct democracy' is that there's simply no way to deny or whitewash the general population's endemic stupidity, xenophobia and callousness - just look at the result of any given recent vote or election in Switzerland and it's plain to see that you're officially dealing with a nation of assholes and lunatics. As someone who actually has to live here, that's both dispiriting and helpful, because it forces you to face the facts about peoples' inherent terribleness: that nice old lady on the bus? Probably voted to deport immigrants last weekend. That helpful taxi driver? Probably a member of the SVP. And so on. I mean, we all sometimes suspect that we're surrounded by hateful morons. In Switzerland, that suspicion turns into certain knowledge. It's refreshing (but mostly depressing). Anyway, a few things have changed since then. FIFA done got busted (sry about all the corruption, world), and we're no longer managed by cool and good yet slightly boring Ottmar Hitzfeld. In keeping with our tradition of entrusting football to ex-Yugoslavs, this guy is now in charge:  Hello, ladies! Why yes, that's a real Rolex! I have a soft spot for Vladimir "Richard Gere of the Alps" Petkovic because he almost led my beloved Young Boys to glory... Twice. He bottled it both times, though, and after that he was a bit poo poo at Lazio (he won the Coppa Italia, though). So I'm not really sure what qualifies him to manage Switzerland (apart from his knowledge of Balkan idioms), but here we are. Petkovic favors attacking football (at least he did at YB) and is a bit of a tinkerer, but none of that was/is visible in Switzerland's displays, which are mostly dire as gently caress. I also greatly question his man management skills and selections: disregarding premier league regular Almen Abdi and Hertha captain Fabian Lustenberger for his Euro squad proves to me that he's totally lost the plot. Lustenberger especially should be a nailed-on starter, but he ruined his chances by publicly demanding a starting position in an interview... Oh well. Anyway, manager sucks, squad still has similar weaknesses and strengths compared to 2014, will not make it past the group stage, rinse and repeat. Anyway, let's look at a few of the more notable and/or interesting players. Goalkeepers Our strongest area by far, in spite of Benaglio's retirement from international duty. Our starter is  Yann Sommer, currently plying his trade at Borussio Mönchengladbach. He's good. His potential replacements are also good:  Roman Bürki is Dortmund's number one and rose through the ranks at Young Boys (before being sold for a ridiculously low sum, I hope heads rolled for that). There's also  Marwin Hitz, another Bundesliga legionnaire, probably doing well at Augsburg (because I wouldn't watch Augsburg if you paid me for it). He's also a bit of a oval office: https://streamable.com/rklq Petkovic also nominated Young Boys' keeper Yvon Mvogo, who's a good lad, but come on. He's not gonna take four keepers to France... Or is he? Defenders Nothing much has changed. We still have two great full backs in Ricardo Rodriguez and Stephan "Forrest Gump" Lichtsteiner, both of whom you should know and love already if you follow football. Central defence is a mess, though. For some reason, Petkovic selected 62-year-old Philippe Senderos, who actually started in the friendly against Belgium today and was about as terrible as you might suspect. He was told by Grasshoppers Zürich that he's surplus to requirements and will be out of contract soon. Here's a hint, Vladi: if he ain't good enough for GC he shouldn't go to the Euros. I'm not even going to mention Djourou (though he played decently today). Steve von Bergen is also still in there somewhere, and he's too poo poo for YB at this point. WTF. Our great hope Fabian Schär has had a terrible season for Hoffenheim, so gently caress him too. However, young CB Nico Elvedi is a good lad:  He captained our U19s, moved to Gladbach last summer and is doing well there by all accounts. He was in the squad that dealt Bayern their first defeat this past season, as our terrible yellow press gleefully pointed out (because our domestic football is literally too poo poo to write home about). Right backs Michael Lang (Basel oval office) and Silvan Widmer (Udinese) will be decent deputies for Big Steve Lichtsteiner at least. Midfield Our captain Gökhan Inler won the Premier League! Yaaaaay! Too bad he never played, which makes him obsolete. Petkovic's one decent and courageous decision - Inler stays home, Lichtsteiner is the new captain. This means our midfield will now be anchored by Granit "Xabi" Xhaka!  Granit is gooner! He's never looked too impressive for the Nati, but that's because he was often asked to play a more advanced role (he's also wearing the number 10). He should do fine operating from further back. And he will have this guy to watch his back:  OK, so Behrami is a slow-rear end card magnet and didn't really impress for Watford, but whatever, he's in the Prem, he's a huge bastard and he usually goes all out for the national team. There's also versatile central mid Blerim Dzemaili, currently at Genoa, who looks cool I guess  He can play a bunch of positions and is really unremarkable. Admittedly, he did well against Belgium today, scoring the opener. With all these hard (balkanese) men, who's going to provide the creative spark? Why, a Stoke player of course!  My assessment of Xherdan Shaqiri hasn't changed; I'd still maintain that he's a great, incredibly gifted player. However, he made an ill-advised move to Inter last year and is now at Stoke for some reason. I haven't really followed his time there, but I guess he scored a worldie against Everton and assisted a few goals and was injured a bunch of times, so it's pretty much par for the course. He's dumb is what I'm saying, his decision-making is unimpressive, and until he matures he's increasingly likely to be filed under "wasted potential". Also, Fabian Frei has had a good season with Mainz and might just get a few minutes. Shani Tarashaj, Everton-loanee currently playing in Switzerland, also looked good today and should probably make the cut. My local hero Denis Zakaria, however, is probably too green to go to an international tournament. Strikers Oh boy. Well, there's mega-super-duper-talent Breel Embolo to be excited about, who's tearing up the mighty Super League for Basel (ugh) and is just athletic as hell:  Everyone else in there is absolute poo poo, though. Garbageman Seferovic hadn't scored in like 1'500 minutes until he sentenced Nürnberg to another season in the 2. Bundesliga on Monday (sorry, Club-fans), and he managed to get himself sent off against Belgium today, and it wasn't even a cool red, he got it for talking poo poo. Boo. Admir Mehmedi is a good lad who means well, but he's been poo poo for Leverkusen. Josip Drmic had a purple patch right before the 2014 world cup and has been absolute shite since. So yeah, hope our opponents score lots of own goals. Our matches Switzerland were drawn into Group A, which actually provides some fairly tasty matchups. We will face off against Albania in our opening game on 11 June, which should make for some decent, card-heavy entertainment because most of the players are blood relations. Switzerland will also clash with hosts France and get humiliated like last time. The Romania game should also own, at least it conjures up great memories. There you have it. Switzerland, a bunch of poo poo cloggers, will stink up the place at the Euros. If they don't, well, that won't keep me from claiming that I believed in the lads all along. Wengy fucked around with this message at 18:07 on May 28, 2016 |
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May 28, 2016 18:05
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Reminder that Switzerland are responsible for crimes against football and we must never forget.
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May 28, 2016 19:01
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I'm actually excited for Xhaka v Xhaka.
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May 28, 2016 20:12
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Wengy posted:my beloved Young Boys Quoting for your ban
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May 28, 2016 20:13
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julian assflange posted:Quoting for your ban I was sickened to hear that thousands of men meet regularly at the Wankdorf to watch Young Boys - and this is apparently accepted by the locals
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May 28, 2016 20:35
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It's our culture, you wouldn't understand
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May 28, 2016 21:45
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Troy Queef posted:I'm actually excited for Xhaka v Xhaka. It's gonna own op
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May 28, 2016 21:46
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Switzerland is Italy
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May 28, 2016 22:41
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Did that Norwich centre back make the side? He looked pretty decent tbh
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May 28, 2016 23:03
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No, Klose is still injured. I should have mentioned that - he is indeed decent and it's a shame. A starting CB pairing of Klose and Lustenberger with Elvedi and Schär waiting in the wings would be OK. Shame Klose got injured and Petkovic mismanaged Lustenberger.
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May 28, 2016 23:07
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Wengy posted:my beloved Young Boys heh
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May 29, 2016 09:06
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If you have a strong, big lad who can head in a cross then Shaqiri will do great for you. If you don't he will try to nutmeg everyone, lose the ball then fall down and make a face.
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May 30, 2016 04:42
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Byolante posted:If you have a strong, big lad who can head in a cross then Shaqiri will do great for you. If you don't he will try to nutmeg everyone, lose the ball then fall down and make a face. And get injured in the process Though I actually appreciate his selfishness in the national team - our strikers are poo poo, so he might as well try to score from 30 meters or do a Messi
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May 30, 2016 08:34
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DEFINITE SQUAD ANNOUNCED!!!!! Schweizer EM-Kader. Tor: Yann Sommer (Borussia Mönchengladbach), Roman Bürki (Borussia Dortmund), Marwin Hitz (Augsburg). Verteidigung: Johan Djourou (Hamburger SV), Nico Elvedi (Borussia Mönchengladbach), Michael Lang (Basel), Stephan Lichtsteiner (Juventus Turin), François Moubandje (Toulouse), Ricardo Rodriguez (Wolfsburg), Fabian Schär (Hoffenheim), Steve von Bergen (Young Boys). Mittelfeld: Valon Behrami (Watford), Blerim Dzemaili (Genoa), Gelson Fernandes (Rennes), Fabian Frei (Mainz), Granit Xhaka (Borussia Mönchengladbach), Denis Zakaria (Young Boys). Sturm: Eren Derdiyok (Kasimpasa Istanbul), Breel Embolo (Basel), Admir Mehmedi (Bayer Leverkusen), Xherdan Shaqiri (Stoke City), Haris Seferovic (Eintracht Frankfurt), Shani Tarashaj (Grasshoppers/Everton) ---------------------------------------- Thank Allah, Senderos is staying home; Widmer likewise. However, there's a bit of an uproar among the more xenophobically-minded Swiss observers (i.e. pretty much everyone here) because Luca Zuffi was cut. It's all a balkan conspiracy, no true Swissmen are in the team WHAT HAPPEN TO ARE NATI!?!?!?!? For real, though, I find it very, very hard to justify the absences of Abdi, Lustenberger and Klose (who is fit again, apparently) - and the inclusions of Mehmedi, Seferovic, Zakaria and von Bergen.
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May 30, 2016 19:34
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Have things really changed that much since the 2014 World Cup? Mehmedi had good dribbling and creative passing and Seferovic did well too
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May 30, 2016 21:07
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They were both coming off good seasons then, though. They've since been found out.
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May 30, 2016 22:09
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Now that Kosovo national team gained recognition, will Switzerland lose any players? Among the recent call-ups for Kosovo, six play in Switzerland.
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Jun 5, 2016 09:28
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Doctor Malaver posted:Now that Kosovo national team gained recognition, will Switzerland lose any players? Among the recent call-ups for Kosovo, six play in Switzerland. Eh, a bunch of them are eligible, that's true, and the Swiss yellow press had a bit of a meltdown about the whole thing (due to our best players being Kosovars, you see), but I don't really see why they would switch. There was this weird expectation in the past few weeks that the players in question (Xhaka, Shaqiri, Behrami, Tarashaj) should publicly profess their love for Switzerland; it was embarrassing. Behrami and Xhaka did it, but Shaqiri released more ambiguous statements, which made everyone lose their poo poo. But why would he ever switch, that's insane - I think he's just pissed that the Swiss Football Federation didn't approach him as supplicants or something. He's a narcissist and a bit of a poo poo.
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Jun 5, 2016 10:00
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Wengy posted:Eh, a bunch of them are eligible, that's true, and the Swiss yellow press had a bit of a meltdown about the whole thing (due to our best players being Kosovars, you see), but I don't really see why they would switch. There was this weird expectation in the past few weeks that the players in question (Xhaka, Shaqiri, Behrami, Tarashaj) should publicly profess their love for Switzerland; it was embarrassing. Behrami and Xhaka did it, but Shaqiri released more ambiguous statements, which made everyone lose their poo poo. But why would he ever switch, that's insane - I think he's just pissed that the Swiss Football Federation didn't approach him as supplicants or something. He's a narcissist and a bit of a poo poo. If a Swiss/Kosovar player decided to abandon the security, money and relative respectability of the Swiss national team to help the poor, fledgling country of his fathers, he would become a god in Kosovo. Thousands would come to greet him, people would name kids after him. For decades people would use him as an example of a patriot. Once his playing career was over, he'd be the first candidate for the manager position. Or, he can continue playing for the country in which he would've been (by your admission) a second class citizen save for the fact that he's a gifted athlete. For you joining the Kosovo team would be insane (and I'm not saying that he should/will do it) but I can certainly see the appeal.
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Jun 5, 2016 10:54
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You have a point, but despite my snarky OP, these guys are all very rich and well-respected Swiss citizens with loose connections to their parents' homeland. Even if they were born in Albania / Kosovo, they all grew up here, they speak our language(s), they went to school in Switzerland, they rose through the ranks at Swiss clubs etc. So I'm not necessarily saying they'd be insane to ditch Switzerland due to material reasons - that would indeed be compensated by the fact that the Kosovars would treat them like Gods. I just genuinely think they don't have much of a reason to make the switch. I'm sure all these players experienced horrible casual racism and xenophobia throughout their lives (before they "made it"), but they still got Swiss citizenship and built their lives and careers here*, while they at most visited Albania / Kosovo later on. * Behrami's story illustrates this nicely: his family was set to be deported, then the inhabitants of his village launched a petition to keep them here and it was successful.
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Jun 5, 2016 13:16
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For those who understand German, here's a good article about the Xhaka brothers who will face each other on Saturday: http://webspecial.derbund.ch/longform/die_xhakas/1-kapitel/
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Jun 7, 2016 19:01
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The Swiss came out for their warm-up and got roundly booed. See Sepp, this is what it has come to.
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Jun 11, 2016 13:19
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I can't get enough of are Dan
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We'll have the last laugh when it comes home (to FIFA headquarters in Zurich)
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Jun 11, 2016 13:48
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Good start result-wise, pretty bad groceries-wise though I couldn't make it to the shops before they closed at 6pm
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Jun 11, 2016 17:50
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Just buy an Albanian to do the job for you.
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Jun 11, 2016 17:54
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Enter sadman
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OK, so the thread title was wrong... Yay! This marks the first time Switzerland have ever qualified for the Euro knockout stage.
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Jun 20, 2016 19:04
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Decent chance to qualify for the quarter finals too, since the round of 16 will probably be against Poland
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Jun 20, 2016 19:55
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#banter
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Jun 20, 2016 22:02
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Lmao By the way, the mystery of the lovely shirts was solved today: Puma admitted that they shipped out a bunch of Swiss home kits with some sort of defect in the fabric, causing it to rip very easily. I guess that's what happens if you make a deal with a scrub-tier kit manufacturer!
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Jun 21, 2016 00:28
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Sick Swiss
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Jun 21, 2016 00:48
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NBA finals are over and Switzerland is still in this? Go figure. I think I saw like half of the opener, one goal in two games since then seems about par for the course. Have they actually been good? Looking forward to Saturday, I just can't get myself to give a poo poo about football unless the losing team goes home. Wengy posted:There was this weird expectation in the past few weeks that the players in question (Xhaka, Shaqiri, Behrami, Tarashaj) should publicly profess their love for Switzerland; it was embarrassing. Behrami and Xhaka did it, but Shaqiri released more ambiguous statements, which made everyone lose their poo poo. But why would he ever switch, that's insane - I think he's just pissed that the Swiss Football Federation didn't approach him as supplicants or something. He's a narcissist and a bit of a poo poo. Illinois Smith fucked around with this message at 09:10 on Jun 23, 2016 |
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Jun 23, 2016 09:08
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tbf I kinda missed it too, since it was all manufactured outrage in the yellow press. But it's nonetheless alarmingly easy to stir up jingoistic bullshit here.
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Jun 23, 2016 09:25
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Bad altitude from the Swiss.
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Jun 23, 2016 17:53
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in true swiss tradition they lost as soon as they started playing well rip
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Jun 25, 2016 21:55
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I'm still salty as hell. My hatred for those catho-fascists knows no bounds!
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Jun 26, 2016 14:08
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Watching the game at a public viewing yesterday was hilarious. The weather held through most of the first half but as soon as the last replay of Poland's goal was over a giant thunderstorm broke out, driving everyone inside. When the last penalty was shot, it suddenly cleared up again. I was super surprised they didn't gently caress it all up with that brainfart in the first minute. Watching Shaqiri's goal in a packed venue with tons of kids and drunk people was awesome, it came right in the middle of my buddy's rant about how his middle name should be "ball gone" or whatever.
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Jun 26, 2016 15:58
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| # ? May 18, 2024 02:23 |
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Swiss news anchor calls Ronaldo a pussy (indirectly, but that's not as viral!!!!) http://www.watson.ch/EM%202016/Schweiz/321308722-Presse--Pussy-und-Pomade--Eine-Beleidigung-%ABmal-von-der-anderen-Seite-beleuchtet%BB
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Jul 9, 2016 07:59
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