What is in your fifth oldest notepad document

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > What is in your fifth oldest notepad document

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FedEx Mercury: Jan 7, 2004; Me bad posting? That's unpossible!; Lipstick Apathy

OctoberBlues posted:

Feel free to share you word doc, xcel, or any other fifth oldest files!

I don't use Excel I prefer Incel.

# ? Jun 23, 2016 20:36

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 08:09

Nolan Arenado: May 8, 2009

notZaar posted:

I don't use Excel I prefer Incel.

You're a trouble maker, and you'd better watch it buddy!

# ? Jun 23, 2016 20:38

Ein cooler Typ: Nov 26, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

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Ein cooler Typ fucked around with this message at 20:44 on Jun 23, 2016

# ? Jun 23, 2016 20:39

ANIME IS BLOOD: Sep 4, 2008; by zen death robot

Ein cooler Typ posted:

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disable smilies in this post, dummy

# ? Jun 23, 2016 20:43

Flyball: Apr 17, 2003

The real fifth oldest would be from 1990, but I think this is the fifth oldest on this machine:

JP Software
Order Information

April, 1996

This file contains important information you should read before ordering
(page 2), and details on all products sold by JP Software (page 7). To
save paper and time, our order form is included separately in the file
ORDER.FRM. This allows you to view the information in this file on the
screen if you wish, and print only the actual order form.

Please read the order information section on page 2 before placing your
order! That section explains our order and payment policies. If you
don't read over the policies before ordering you may make errors which
delay your order and result in additional costs to you.

If you live outside the U.S. and Canada you may want to check the list
of international dealers in this file. These dealers can often provide
local service, and may offer faster shipping than we can provide when
mailing packages from the United States.

The license agreement which governs your use of our products is included
separately in the file LICENSE.DOC (for downloaded copies), or on your
diskette envelope (for purchased copies). Please read it before
ordering. It is written in plain English, and explains your rights and
responsibilities as a user of our products.

This file is formatted at 58 lines per page, and contains form feeds and
page footers. It can be viewed with a file viewer such as the 4DOS,
4OS2, 4DOS/NT, or Take Command internal LIST command, or printed using
the command:

copy orderinf.doc prn

Printing it with a program that formats the pages is not likely to work
due to the formatting included in the file.

(04/96)

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 1

Order Information
-----------------

This section contains ordering details for all JP Software products,
including:

* Satisfaction guarantee * Multi-system licenses
* Order processing and shipping * Ordering from a dealer
* Payment and purchase orders * Government customers
* International orders * Resale and bundling
* Upgrade policies * Dealers outside the U.S.

See the file ORDER.FRM for the forms you need to place your order.

For convenient phone ordering call us between 8:30 AM and 5:00 PM
eastern U.S. time at 800-368-8777 (U.S. only; orders only please!) or
617-646-3975, or transmit your order form by fax at any time to
(617) 646-0904.

You can also order via CompuServe (Mail to 75020,244), or the Internet
(mail to sales@jpsoft.com). Please note that, while we have never
experienced security problems with Internet mail, we cannot guarantee
the secuity of credit card or other information sent via the Internet.
If you are concerned about this issue and do not want to place your
order by phone or fax, you may send it via Internet mail, with a
reliable daytime U.S. or Canadian telephone number, and mark "Please
call me" in the credit card section of the form. We will call you for
the credit card number when we receive your message. This service is
not available outside the U.S. and Canada.

Please include all information on the order form with your electronic
order, preferably in the same format.

Any of the above numbers (other than the 800 order line) can be used to
contact our customer service department.

Warranty and Satisfaction Guarantee

We want you to be fully satisfied with the products you buy from us!
All products sold by JP Software come with a 90-day warranty against
physical manufacturing defects in the diskettes or manual. In
addition, if you are not fully satisfied with a JP Software product
you may return it at any time up to 90 days after purchase for a full
refund. If you are dissatisfied with a product we sell which is not
produced by JP Software you may return it for a full refund if it is
in resalable condition, or a 50% refund if not. See your diskette
envelope (or the LICENSE.DOC file if you have a downloaded copy) for
the complete text of our warranty. Please contact us for a return
authorization before returning any product for a refund.

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 2

Order Processing and Shipping

Orders typically require 2 - 3 business days processing time before
shipment, and may take more or less depending on our order backlog.

In the U.S., we ship UPS to ensure delivery within 3 days of
shipment. Where appropriate, or when requested, we will ship via
U.S. Priority or First Class Mail. Shipping outside the U.S. is via
TNT Mailfast or Air Mail. The delivery time for all countries
outside the U.S. is generally 1-2 weeks. All delivery times may vary
during peak upgrade periods.

Shipping Charges:

To the U.S. and Canada: $7 for first item, $1 for each additional
item. COD (U.S. only), add $6 per order.

To Alaska and Hawaii: $15 for first item, $2 for each additional
item. Contact us for pricing on shipments to rural Alaska.

To all other countries: See tables on page 3 of order form (in the
file ORDER.FRM).

Contact us for expedited domestic shipping options including UPS Blue
Label and Red Label, Federal Express, Airborne Express, DHL, and
other carriers.

Payment Terms:

We accept Mastercard, Visa, American Express, checks (MUST be drawn
on a U.S. bank, and in U.S. funds), money orders, purchase orders
(see below for policies), and COD shipments.

We are happy to accept purchase orders from established companies and
government agencies. Our terms are net 30 days. Orders under $100
($200 for international companies) must be prepaid. Credit
references are required if your company has not previously ordered
from us on terms.

Upgrade Policy:

The upgrade policies listed here apply to the U.S. versions of 4DOS,
4OS2, 4DOS for Windows NT, and Take Command as purchased from JP
Software. Dealers outside the U.S. may establish different upgrade
policies, check with your dealer for details. Our products use two-
or three-digit version numbers. Maintenance releases are indicated
by a change in the third digit (e.g. 3.01, 5.52); major upgrades are
indicated by a change in the other digits (e.g. 6.0).

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 3

You can always purchase both maintenance releases and major upgrades
from JP Software. In addition, when you first purchase any of our
command processors on diskette, maintenance releases and the next
major release issued after your initial purchase are downloadable
from a variety of sources. You can then convert the downloaded copy
to a fully registered copy using the BRAND program included in your
original package. All subsequent major upgrades must be purchased.

For the JP CD Suite, maintenance releases are downloadable at no
additional charge, but the next major upgrade is not -- it must be
obtained through purchase of a new CD (at a discounted upgrade price)
or upgrade diskettes from JP Software.

Multi-System Licenses:

Whether you are a major corporation, a small business, or an
individual with more than one computer, if you plan to use our
products on multiple systems you can save money by ordering a multi-
system license rather than individual copies. (If all you want to do
is use 4DOS, 4OS2, 4DOS for Windows NT, or Take Command at work and
at home you may not need a second copy; see the license agreement on
your diskette envelope or in the LICENSE.DOC file for details.)

A multi-system license for 4DOS, 4OS2, or 4DOS/NT includes one manual
set (Introduction and Installation Guide plus Reference Manual). A
Take Command license includes one Introduction and Installation
Guide; the Reference Manual is available separately ($15, item
#AD530). Additional manual sets are available for all products;
contact us for pricing and item numbers.

Multi-system licenses may be used at any number of physical sites,
and on networked or stand-alone systems, as long as all support and
distribution are handled through a single location. JP Software also
offers a simple policy which allows you to increase your license size
at a reasonable price as you add new systems.

Our pricing structure covers any number of systems and goes well
beyond what is listed below; you pay only for the number of systems
you have. For larger licenses, a variety of custom arrangements can
be made to meet your specific needs. A signed license agreement is
required when licensing 100 or more systems.

Please contact us if you need more information on licenses, including
prices not shown in the table below, prices for multi-product
licenses, or multi-system license information on BOOT.SYS.

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 4

Partial Multi-System License Price Schedule:

Systems License Price Item numbers
------- ------------- ------------
2 $ 101 Item numbers are the same
5 197 for all license sizes.
10 337
25 697 4DOS..........ML100
50 1,200 4OS2..........ML110
100 2,000 4DOS/NT.......ML120
250 3,950 *TCMD/16......ML130
500 6,500 *TCMD/32......ML140
*TCMD/OS2.....ML150

(All prices subject to * Printed documentation
change without notice.) is not included but is
available separately.

Ordering From a Dealer:

You can order our products from the software dealer you or your
company uses regularly. If your dealer does not carry the product
you want, they can special-order it from JP Software at a discount to
resell to you. (If you are a dealer see "Resale and Bundling" on
page 5 for information on obtaining resale copies.) Our products are
available on a special-order basis from a number of larger chains,
including Egghead Discount Software, Stream International, and
Programmer's Paradise.

Government customers:

Contact us for GSA schedule information.

Resale and Bundling:

Reseller discounts for our products begin at 25% for a single copy,
and increase substantially with volume. Many products are available
through distribution. If you are a dealer, consultant, or reseller
please contact us for pricing or request more information on the
order form.

We also offer attractive bundling arrangements for VARs, consultants,
and OEMs who wish to bundle our products with another hardware or
software product. The details and pricing are flexible and can be
modified to meet your specific situation. Please contact us for more
information.

BOOT.SYS is also available for resale; please contact us for details.

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 5

Dealers Outside the U.S.:

If you are ordering from outside the U.S. please check the list of
international dealers below. Purchasing through these dealers can
save you the delay and inconvenience involved in dealing with
currency conversions and international shipping, and provide you with
a local source for support and service.

PLEASE NOTE that international dealers set their own pricing; some
also set their own upgrade policies, which may not be the same as
those of JP Software. Check with your dealer for details.

Australia: Manaccom Pty Ltd. voice: (07) 368-2366
9 Camford St. fax: (07) 369-7589
Milton, QLD 4064

England: Atlantic Coast Plc. voice: (1297) 552-222
3a Queen Street fax: (1297) 553-366
Seaton, Devon EX12 2NY CompuServe 70007,4725

France: VIF voice: (01) 47 20 02 16
5, rue de Bassano fax: (01) 47 20 10 79
Paris 75116 Minitel: 3616 Code VIF

In France, you can download a registered copy of 4DOS (including
ASCII manual) from VIF through the Minitel system. Charges are
billed through Minitel. Contact VIF at 36 24 00 99 on the
Minitel for details.

Germany: Computer Solutions voice: (08) 092-5018
Postfach 1180 fax: (08) 092-31727
D-85561 Grafing/M�nchen CompuServe 76234,3577

CDV-Newsoft voice: (07) 21-22295
Ettlingerstr. 5 fax: (07) 21-21314
7500 Karlsruhe 1 CompuServe 100022,274

Italy: ComputerLand S.r.l. voice: (2)-781000
C.so Vittorio fax: (2)-780742
Emanuele 15 BBS: (2)-781149,781147
20122 Milano Internet: compland@bbs2000.sublink.org

Netherlands: The Owl's Nest voice: (31) 35-602-8631
P.O. Box 227 fax: (31) 35-602-6527
3760 AE Soest BBS: (31) 35-602-3219

Switzerland: Software News! voice: (01) 814-3140
Flurstr. 57 fax: (01) 814-3140
8302 Kloten CompuServe 100042,1105

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 6

Product Information
-------------------

This section describes each of JP Software's products, so you know
what you're getting before you order.

PLEASE NOTE: All prices are subject to change without notice. See
order form for shipping charges.

Take Command for Windows, Windows NT, Windows 95, and OS/2:

JP Software's latest product, Take Command, is a complete
implementation of our advanced command processing technology,
fully integrated into Windows, Windows NT, Windows 95, and OS/2.
Take Command supports the same commands and features available in
4DOS, 4OS2, and 4DOS/NT (see below), and we've added dozens of
features feasible only in a graphical environment.

Three versions of Take Command are now available:

Take Command/16, for Windows 3.1 and Windows for Workgroups

Take Command/32, for Windows NT and Windows 95

Take Command for OS/2, for OS/2 Warp and later versions

A new copy of any of these versions is just $69, and four special
packs are also available:

The Windows Pack includes both Take Command/16 and 4DOS,
plus both printed Reference Manuals, for just $99.

The Windows 95 Pack includes Take Command/32, 4DOS, and both
printed Reference Manuals for just $99.

The Windows NT Pack includes 4DOS/NT, Take Command/32, and
both printed Reference Manuals for just $99.

The OS/2 "triple pack" includes Take Command for OS/2, 4OS2,
4DOS, and both printed reference manuals, for just $119.

Take Command is available for only $29 (per version) if you are
already a registered user of another JP Software product, and
will be using Take Command on the same system. Take Command
comes with complete online reference information and a printed
Introduction and Installation guide. You can purchase the
printed Take Command Reference Manual for $15.

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 7

4DOS, 4OS2, and 4DOS for Windows NT:

4DOS is our "flagship" product. It is a DOS enhancement utility
designed to add power, elegance, and flexibility to the DOS
prompt. 4DOS is a complete replacement for COMMAND.COM, the
command processor which displays the "C:\> prompt and accepts and
executes the commands you type. It offers dozens of features
beyond those available with DOS alone. If you aren't familiar
with what 4DOS is and what it does, take a look at the manual for
all the details. It offers you great power while working at the
DOS prompt and in batch files, makes minimal use of your precious
memory, and generally makes life with DOS a whole lot easier. It
works with all versions of MS-DOS / PC-DOS from 2.0 up, with
Windows 95, and with DR DOS / Novell DOS.

4OS2 is to OS/2 what 4DOS is to DOS. It is a complete
replacement for CMD.EXE, the default OS/2 command processor, and
brings the full power of 4DOS to OS/2 users. 4OS2 offers all of
the features of 4DOS, plus additional features designed to
enhance command processing under OS/2. When you purchase 4OS2
you will receive both the 16-bit and 32-bit versions, and you can
install the version appropriate to your copy of OS/2. Using 4OS2
with 4DOS provides a consistent interface in OS/2 character-mode
sessions and the DOS compatibility box (OS/2 1.x) (or DOS
machines in OS/2). 4OS2 is compatible with OS/2 1.2, 1.3, 2.0,
2.1, 2.11, and 3.0, including "OS/2 for Windows".

4DOS and 4OS2 are $69 each including disk, manual (see page 3 for
details on upgrades). If you need both products, our OS/2 Pack
is just $89 and includes both products. If you have one product
and want the other, the cost is just $29. Multi-system licenses
are also available (see page 4).

4DOS for Windows NT ("4DOS/NT") is a complete replacement for
CMD.EXE, the default Windows NT command processor, and brings the
full power of 4DOS to Windows NT users. 4DOS/NT also offers
additional features designed to enhance command processing under
Windows NT with its Single Command Shell architecture. 4DOS for
Windows NT is $69. 4DOS/NT for registered 4DOS users is $29.

The JP-CD Suite:

The JP-CD Suite gives you an easy, economical way to keep your
environment consistent - no matter which operating systems you
use. The CD contains the most recent versions of 4DOS, 4OS2,
4DOS for Windows NT, Take Command/16, Take Command/32, and Take
Command for OS/2, and is just $119.

The CD Suite comes with complete on-line documentation. If you
need printed documentation, the CD Suite Manual Pack is only $29
and includes printed manuals for every product on the CD-ROM.

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 8

4DOS / 4OS2 Utility Disks:

JP Software offers Utility Disks for registered users only.
These disks contain the files needed to modify the help text, and
other useful utilities (see below). The Utility disks are $10
each.

The 4DOS Utility Disk contains the JP Software's 4DOS help text
and help compiler (4MAKE). 4MAKE is a licensed product offered
by JP Software, and is available only by purchasing the 4DOS
Utility Disk. It allows you to add, modify, or delete
information in the 4DOS HELP system. You can use the modified
help text yourself, and distribute it to other registered 4DOS
users within your company or organization, but you cannot sell it
or distribute it publicly.

Other products on the 4DOS Utility Disk are either shareware or
freeware, and are available on many BBSes and on-line services.
We provide these products on the Utility Disk as a service to
those customers who do not have modems or who prefer to obtain
software on diskette. Like all shareware, you must register any
of the shareware products that you continue to use after a trial
period. The shareware and freeware products on the 4DOS Utility
Disk are:

* TSRCOM, TurboPower Software's popular freeware package of
TSR and memory management and mapping utilities.

* A shareware copy of BOOT.SYS, which allows you to select
your system configuration at boot time. See page 11 for
details on this product.

* A shareware copy of 4EDIT, a full-screen 4DOS file
description editor.

* A shareware copy of 4FILES, a 4DOS-compatible file manager
and description editor.

The 4OS2 Utility Disk contains the text for the 4OS2 help system
and for 4OS2's "quick help" (messages displayed with the "/?"
switch on 4OS2 commands). You can modify this text and recompile
it for your own use or for use by registered 4OS2 users within
your organization. To recompile the help text you must have
access to the IBM Information Presentation Facility Compiler
(IPFC) which is used by developers to develop help for OS/2
programs. IPFC is distributed by IBM as part of its developer's
toolkit for OS/2. To recompile the quick help text you must have
access to the MKMSGF program, which is also part of the OS/2
developer's toolkit.

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 9

The 4OS2 Utility Disk also contains some additional shareware or
freeware utilities which we feel 4OS2 users might find useful:

* A shareware copy of Browse/2, a Presentation Manager
application for browsing ASCII files.

* A shareware copy of the OS/2 version of Vern Buerg's popular
LIST utility. Runs in character mode.

* MEMSIZE, a freeware system resource monitor. Displays swap
file size and available space, CPU load, and free disk
space. Runs under Presentation Manager.

* SHOWINI, a freeware REXX script to display the contents of
OS/2 .INI files.

4DOS for Windows NT Utility Disk:

JP Software also offers a Utility Disk for registered 4DOS for
Windows NT users. This disk contains the 4DOS for Windows NT
help text, in both Word for Windows and RTF formats. At this
time it does not contain any other utilities.

In order to use the 4DOS for Windows NT help text, you must have
a word processor which can handle the Word for Windows and / or
RTF formats, and a Windows help compiler such as Microsoft's HC31
(distributed with the Windows and Windows NT Software Development
Kits).

You can modify the help text for your own use or for use by other
registered 4DOS for Windows NT users within your company or
organization, but you cannot sell it or distribute it publicly.

4DOS auf Deutsch!:

A complete German-language version of 4DOS is available from our
German distributor, Computer Solutions. This version includes a
full copy of the printed 4DOS manual in German, German help text,
and German translations of all program messages and responses.
The cost is DM 169.-, SFR 169.-, or oS 1200.- including sales
tax, and must be paid by check or COD (no credit cards).
Discounts are available for customers who already own the English
version of 4DOS. The German version of 4DOS is only available
for purchase, it is not distributed as shareware.

To order your copy, contact Computer Solutions (see page 5, 6).
The German version of 4DOS is available only from Computer
Solutions, not from JP Software.

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 10

Personal REXX:

Personal REXX is a powerful, easy-to-use language from Quercus
Systems that offers a perfect complement to 4DOS, 4OS2, 4DOS/NT,
and Take Command batch commands. The REXX language is more
powerful than traditional batch languages, without the heavy
technical baggage of a conventional programming language. It was
specifically designed to be easy to read and write, so you can
get started quickly and get your work done efficiently. If you
need advanced string processing capabilities, or are stretching
the limits of our batch language, then Personal REXX is for you!

Personal REXX for DOS is $139; for OS/2 & DOS is $159; for
Windows and DOS (works under DOS plus Windows 3.x, Windows NT,
and Windows 95) is $159.

The Semware Editor Jr. (formerly QEdit):

The Semware Editor Jr. is a fast, easy-to-use, full-
featured text editor for batch files, simple documents,
and program code. It's perfect for creating configuration
files, or for any task that requires a small, yet
powerful, ASCII text editor. It offers multiple files and
windows, pull-down menus, macros, and line, character, and
column block operations. You can configure the keyboard as
you like it and even spell check your files. We use it
here at JP Software, and decided you might like it too!
The Semware Editor Jr. is priced at $59.

BOOT.SYS:

BOOT.SYS is a shareware package which allows you to choose your
system configuration when your computer boots. It makes managing
a variety of configurations (for example, booting under plain
4DOS, DESQView, or Windows 3) very simple. It supports multi-
level menus, color display, and option selection in both
CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT. It is invoked when the system
boots, and does not require a reboot after changing
configurations the way some similar programs do. We use BOOT.SYS
here at JP Software, and we like it so much we decided to add it
to our product line. BOOT.SYS is fully compatible with MS-DOS
version 6.22 and below; PC-DOS version 7 and below; and DR DOS /
Novell DOS.

To use BOOT.SYS effectively you need to be reasonably familiar
with CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT files. BOOT.SYS works with
multiple sets of configuration directives (DEVICE, SHELL, etc.)
in your CONFIG.SYS file. It presents menus to allow you to
choose which set or subset of these directives to execute, and
also provides a program you can run in AUTOEXEC to determine

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 11

which menu choice was selected. You use the result returned by
this program in IF or IFF statements in AUTOEXEC.BAT in order to
make AUTOEXEC execute the correct TSRs and other commands
corresponding to the choices you made in CONFIG.SYS. This
approach is very powerful when combined with 4DOS IFF / THEN /
ELSE statements.

A shareware copy of BOOT.SYS is available on the 4DOS utility
disk, and can be downloaded from our CompuServe support area and
many other on-line services and local BBSes. You can order your
registered copy of BOOT.SYS from JP Software for $42.

[Copyright 1992 - 1996, JP Software Inc., All Rights Reserved.
Published by JP Software Inc., P.O. Box 1470, E. Arlington, MA 02174
USA, (617) 646-3975. 4DOS is a registered trademark and Take Command,
4OS2, 4OS2/16, and 4OS2/32 are trademarks of JP Software Inc. OS/2 is a
registered trademark of IBM Corporation. Windows is a trademark and
Windows NT is a registered trademark of Microsoft Corporation. Other
product and company names are trademarks of their respective owners.]

JP Software ORDERINF.DOC page 12

# ? Jun 23, 2016 20:45

Infinite Karma: Oct 23, 2004; Good as dead

It's a serial code for my warez copy of quake 2

# ? Jun 23, 2016 21:04

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Fantasy Heartbreaker: take 9 million and five

basic mechanics

3d6+2F

3 six-sided dice, numbered 1 to 6 are rolled along with two other six-sided dice known as Fudge dice. Fudge dice typically have a + symbol a - symbol and a blank face, each on two of the die's sides. A - symbol merely means subtract one, a blank face means do nothing and a + means add one! A normal six-sided die may be substituted for a Fudge die, counting 1-2 as a -, 3-4 as blank and 5-6 as +, or whatever other method is easiest for you to remember. If you are using regual six-siders as Fudge dice, I highly recommend using a color or size of die distinct (or both!) from the other 3d6 that are to be added together, so they can all be rolled at the same time and counted quickly*.

This big pile of unwieldy dice will get you a result between 1 and 20, just like a d20 will! Ok, that last part is a lie. Each side on a d20, given a perfect rolling surface and a perfectly cut and balanced die (no, your rock tumbler polished Chessex dice aren't incredibly precise) has a 5% chance of coming up, meaning that if you're looking for a roll of 11 or higher on the die, you might as well flip a coin, as the odds are the same. This also means that someone with a +10 bonus vs an untrained jerk with +0 is going to lose a surprising amount of the time for having such a commanding advantage. That sort of dynamism and "swinginess" is perfectly fine, but by adding more dice to a roll to get 1-20, you push the results much closer to 11 much more often. It gives a different flair to the proceedings, one where you can know your likely chances. A contested roll between someone with a +10 and a +0 on 3d6+2dF is no contest. You really shouldn't even roll in that case unless it is absolutely vital that you do so. That's not to say that I want everything to be deterministic. Life is often full of situations that catch us off guard or golden opportunities that descend as from heaven. Those "swingy" d20 moments are far too good to pass up, so there are times in the rules, called Advantage or Disadvantage, when you will roll a d20 alongside your usual 3d6+2dF and take the better or worse result. Cherish those moments. They can sometimes allow the impossible to happen.

*for a given value of quick. Some players are burnt out after a long week at work and have trouble adding the result of a single die to a simple +1 modifier. This is ok. Everyone is here to have fun, socialize and relieve stress. Not everyone enjoys counting, even on their best of days.

OSR COMPATIBLE? Try for this

4 classes?

Warrior-best fight mans, good physical stuff
Specialist-dedicated skill master, good k+p+technical
Mystic-best powers mans, good knowledges

Basic idea, have 3-4 classes (may have separate cleric, may not) all can learn and use spells, though mystics get the most goodies by far. Level ranges from 0-10 ( 0th is optional advanced rule for those who like starting in the gutter) and each class picks one option from a short list of special abilities to be their main defining trait beyond race or class. Background and class training( what your class background is, like soldier, or barbarian or mercenary etc for Warrior) will cover skills.

Warrior HD d10 AB 1-6 (level 0-10; 0-1, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10) MD d4 (magic die? Mana points essentially) SB (spell bonus? AB for magic/effect degree) 1-2; ADV on PHYS SAVES replace one PHYS score with 14 if desired
Blooded: 1/combat may ignore any damage or negative effects of a successful attack made against them. You may wait until the damage is rolled and saves are made to decide to use this ability. May spend Expertise to reroll failed attack rolls.
Skill Pts/lvl 4+highest Mental modifier
Class Skills: These skills cost new rank+1 skill points when training.

Athletics, Combat/Any, Craft/Any, Knowledge/Dungeoneering, Knowledge/Engineering, Leadership, Handle Animal, Intimidate, Profession/Any, Ride, Survival, Tactics and choose any two other skills to add to this list.

Traits

Slayer: +d6 to all damage rolls? (damage dice explode in the system. Too little? Too much?)

Wanderer: gain Ranger skill package at Rank 1 and count those as in-class skills (Stealth, Perception, Survival, Nature, Healing; equate to a fair buttload of skill
points for a warrior, both starting and in long term training potential. In-class is new rank+1 skill point, out of class is new rank+2 skill points)

Myrmidon: +1 bonus on all attack rolls; ADV vs fear and mind control spells.

Unstoppable: HD D12 +1 hp/lvl, +1 hp recovered whenever healed, including natural healing (basic or advanced) +1 AC?

Witch Hunter: ADV on Mental saves, +1 SB? Or maybe bigger MD?

Specialist HD d8 AB 1-3 (level 0-10 1,5,9) SB 1-3; Choose PHYS or MENT for ADV can gish or do combat/mage lite? Choose one MENT or PHYS stat and replace it with 14, if desired.
Adept: Choose a skill at 1st level. Whenever using that skill, add 6 to 2d6+2F, instead of rolling the usual 3d6+2F. Choose an additional skill at 4th , 7th and 10th level. (yes, this can apply to Combat skills)
Skill Pts/Lvl: 5+highest Mental modifier
Class Skills:
Most of the list excluding combat skills/tactics etc and some magi
Mystic HD d6 AB 1-2 (level 0-10 1,6) SB 1-5; ADV on MENTAL SAVES different magic focuses?

Specialist
Academic
Techie

3d6+2F down the line 1-3 -2; 4-7 -1; 8-13 0; 14-17 +1; 18-20 +2
Str
Dex
Con
Int
Wis
Cha
Attribute Modifier
1 -4
2-3 -3
4-5 -2
6-7 -1
8-13 0
14-15 +1
16-17 +2
18-19 +3
20 +4

Starting hp = Con score+race+(HD+Con bonus)x level. Ex: 10 con human warrior has 25 hp @ 1st Max HD at 1st level

Attack rolls.

(3d6+2F)+Attack Bonus+STR/DEX mod(depending)+Combat Skill Rank(rank 0 is +0, 1 is +1, etc. Not trained has -2 penalty)+Misc+Target's AC >=20 is a hit

a 14 STR(+1) 1st level Warrior(+1) with Combat/Sword Rank 1 (+1) and the Myrmidon trait (+1) attacking an unarmored opponent (AC 9, so +9) has a total of +13 to hit (though the GM can always opt to keep the AC bit on his end) so he needs a 7+ on 3d6+2dF to hit. Every point of success over 20 adds 1 additional point of damage to the damage roll, so rolling high is always preferable!

Current base mechanics ideas:

Classes have a Physical and Mental bonus which gets added to attacks, spell casting rolls, skill checks, saving throws, etc. paired with the appropriate stat modifiers.

Races have a HP kicker Ex: humans start with a base of 20 hp +whatever their class + con bonus gives them. Lowest possible hp after con penalty of -3 and smallest max hd of d4 at 1st and smallest (15 hp) kicker would be 16 hp. I�m ok with that.

Damage dice don�t explode because gently caress that extra rolling. Steal Slaughter dice from Silent Legions. Ex: most weapons/magic have a d6 slaughter die you roll along with your damage that acts as a �did you crit?� roll, and a roll of 6+ deals x3 damage. Might adjust down to x2 and throw x3 to a fighter trait or something. Depends on just how gritty I want this poo poo I guess. Bigger weapons and firearms etc can range up to d12 slaughter die.

Characters start with at least two Expertise points (final name pending) which can be used to re-roll skill checks and use class/trait powers etc. Characters gain one Expertise point every level. Expertise recovers at a rate of 1/day.

Basic Classes. Fighter (best at straight up murder), Battle-Priest (fighter/divine hybrid), Mystic (arcane or divine caster), Expert (skill monkey/specialist),

Battle-Priest HD d8 Physical Bonus: Good; Mental Bonus: Good; Replace one Physical or Mental score with a score of 14 if desired if this class is taken at 1st level.

Level Max HP Physical Bonus Mental Bonus Turn Unholy Damage Spells Per Day
1 Kicker + 8 + (Con Mod) + 1 + 1 3d6+ 2/1
2 Kicker + 8 + (1d8) + (Con Mod x2) + 1 + 1 3d6+ 3/2
3 Kicker + 8 + (2d8) + (Con Mod x 3) + 1 + 1 4d6+ 4/3
4 Kicker + 8 + (3d8) + (Con Mod x 4) + 2 + 2 4d6+ 5/4/1
5 Kicker + 8 + (4d8) + (Con Mod x 5) + 2 + 2 5d6+ 6/5/1
6 Kicker + 8 + (5d8) + (Con Mod x 6) + 2 + 2 5d6+ 6/6/2
7 Kicker + 8 + (6d8) + (Con Mod x 7) + 3 + 3 6d6+ 6/6//2/1
8 Kicker + 8 + (7d8) + (Con Mod x 8) + 3 + 3 6d6+ 6//6/3/1
9 Kicker + 8 + (8d8) + (Con Mod x 9) + 3 + 3 7d6+ 6//6//3/2
10 Kicker + 8 + (9d8) + (Con Mod x 10) + 4 + 4 7d6+ 6//6/4/2
11+ Kicker + 8 + (9d8) + (Con Mod x 10) + (n* x 2);+2 HP/level + 5 + 5 +2/level 5th level spells max
*n = the character�s number of levels above 10. For a level 15 character, n would be 5.

Proficiencies: Light, Medium and Heavy Armor; Light, Medium and Heavy Shields; Light, Medium and Heavy Weapons; Alchemical Items: Simple; Ritual Items: Simple; Healing: Simple; Riding: Mundane, Combat; Religion: (your church, faith or pantheon) and (your order, sect, coven or creed) ?????

Turn Unholy: Spend an Expertise. Roll Spell Bonus (mental bonus + stat bonus + skill bonus + trait/special bonus) vs Wis Save for � damage, slaughter die d12. Works on demons, devils, servitors of gods opposed to your faith (so sometimes angels and dragons and stuff), undead and certain creatures sensitive to the divine (stuff that is hurt by holy stuff in folklore, the occasional mythos creature, etc).

Traits

Blackguard: (�blaɡərd,ˈblakˌɡ�rd) You fight with tactics best called �flexible�, your church peers impugn your honor behind your back and many see any of the actions you take in your holy mission as suspect and motivated by corrupt morals. You shrug off such petty-mindedness as best you can, for you know that when you act, your Lord bolsters you with holy might.

Rules: +1 Attack Bonus; On any attack made with ADV (typically from ambush or against a severely impaired or hindered opponent), add 3d6 divine damage. You may spend an Expertise to gain ADV on any attack roll. NPCs start off encounters with this character one step lower on the reaction table than normal, regardless of whether or not an NPC knows your character. You magically seem less trustworthy. If this Trait is taken at 1st level, roll twice on the trauma table?, otherwise gain d10 Insanity points?.

Roleplaying: One suggestion when taking this trait is to consider how your character bends or breaks the rules of his particular faith or religious order and what secular morals or codes of conduct he might choose to ignore. Try to think of interesting and underhanded ways to win fights before the dice start getting rolled, maybe write a few down before a session. Try working with you GM to set up some long term traps or schemes by spending time and money when not adventuring. You don�t have to actually be a shady cat for this trait to work, you could play up your exasperation at everyone�s strange mistrust of your plainly earnest and truthful intentions and ham up blundering your way into amazing strikes in combat through dumb luck or the like.

Note: This Trait is not limited to Evil characters or to Paladins fallen from grace, as in some games, though it is thematically appropriate for those things. It�s perfectly fine to be a goodly healer of Mother Church who just doesn�t gently caress around when it comes to ending fights. Either way, some form divinity sees what you�re doing and likes what it sees.

Lodestar: Your touch can heal the wounded and sick and even cure some terrible ailments. Your own body remains pure of blight and flesh knits itself swiftly when torn. For good or ill, you are like as Polaris, the Lodestar, forever guiding people onward. The longer you stay in one place, the more the afflicted will be drawn to you, sometimes becoming an overbearing throng.

Rules: You may spend an Expertise to heal a target for 3d8+Spell Bonus. Spend an Expertise to grant a target a save against a current disease, magical affliction or curse. You are Immune to diseases, magical afflictions and curses. Your own wounds heal as though they have already had one level of care applied and can exceed the maximum care level by one. Regenerate lost limbs? Temporarily take on afflictions?

Paladin: Your zeal is drawn into the blows brought down upon the unfaithful, the unsaved, the apostate and even those sadly misguided brothers in faith who would oppose your sacred duties. While fell denizens of the lower planes and the shambling dead wither at the touch of divine power, mortals fare only slightly better. When a creature has been found wanting, your god has granted to you both the authority and the means by which to execute your judgement in the matter. Whether or not your fellow clergymen or the local lords have the same trust in your judgement matters little when god is aiding you.

Hexen: +1 Mental Bonus, +1 spell slot/day for each level of spells that you can cast. These extra slots can only be used to cast arcane spells. You begin play knowing two 0th level (Least?) Arcane spells and one 1st level (Lesser?) Arcane spell. Gain Magic: Simple and Ritual Items: Complex. You may spend an Expertise to Curse a target? Cast an arcane spell by expending a slot? Maybe just make this into a Battle-Wizard who can cast in heavy armor and fightand who gets a feature to replace turn unholy.

Proficiencies/Skills

Armor
Athletics
Religion
Riding
Melee
Ranged
Arcane

Simple, Complex, Esoteric +2 ea? +1 ea?

Light, Medium, Heavy

Apprentice, Adept, Master

Lvl 1 Warrior w/14 Str and Athletics: Master +2 STR Mod +2 PHYS MOD + 3 SKILL MOD = +7 + AVG of ~11 = 18 Lvl 5 AVG = 20

e: SA didn't keep my tables, but meh

# ? Jun 23, 2016 21:16

a star war betamax: Sep 17, 2011; by Lowtax; Gary’s Answer

quote:

The seventh of May 1931 was a hot, dusty day in the mountain town of Corbin, Kentucky. Alongside a dirt road, a service station manager named Matt Stewart stood on a ladder painting a cement railroad wall. His application of a fresh coat of paint was gradually obscuring the sign that had been painted there previously. Stewart paused when he heard an automobile approaching at high speed�or what counted for high speed in 1931.

It was coming from the north�from the swath of backcountry known among locals as �Hell�s Half-Acre.� The area was so named for its primary exports: bootleg booze, bullets, and bodies. The neighborhood was also commonly referred to as �the rear end in a top hat of creation.�

Stewart probably squinted through the dust at the approaching car, and he probably wiped sweat from his brow with the back of a paint-flecked wrist. He probably knew that the driver would be armed, angry, and about to skid to a stop nearby. Stewart set down his paint brush and picked up his pistol. The car skidded to a stop nearby. But it was not an armed man that emerged�it was three armed men. �Well, you son of a bitch!� the driver shouted at the painter, �I see you done it again.� The driver of the car had been using this particular railroad wall to advertise his service station in town, and this was not the first time that the painter�the manager of a competing station�had installed an ad blocker.

Stewart leapt from his ladder, firing his pistol wildly as he dove for cover behind the railroad wall. One of the driver�s two companions collapsed to the ground. The driver picked up his fallen comrade�s pistol and returned fire. Amid a hail of bullets from his pair of adversaries, the painter finally shouted, �Don�t shoot, Sanders! You�ve killed me!� The dusty roadside shootout fell silent, and indeed the former painter was bleeding from his shoulder and hip. But he would live, unlike the Shell Oil executive lying nearby with a bullet wound to the chest.

This encounter might have been as commonplace as any other gunfight around Hell�s Half-Acre were it not for the identity of the driver. The �Sanders� who put two bullets in Matt Stewart was none other than Harland Sanders, the man who would go on to become the world-famous Colonel Sanders. He was dark-haired and clean-shaven at the time, but his future likeness would one day appear on Kentucky Fried Chicken billboards, buildings, and buckets worldwide. In contrast to most other famous food icons, Colonel Sanders was once a living, breathing person, and his life story is considerably more tumultuous than the white-washed corporate biography suggests.

DEPARTURES

Harland Sanders was born on 09 September 1890 in the farm community of Henryville, Indiana. It was a town truism that a man didn�t bother to buy a suit until he needed one for his own wedding, and he didn�t bother wearing it again until he needed one in his own casket. In 1895, when Harland was just five years old, his father Wilbur closed his butcher shop early and stumbled home in the middle of the day, feverish and ill. Within days Wilbur wore his suit for the second time.

Harland was raised by his mother Margaret, a strict Christian who constantly warned her children of the evils of alcohol, tobacco, gambling, and whistling on Sundays. By age seven, Harland was routinely expected to cook for his younger siblings while mother was away at work. At age twelve he became squeamish at the sight of the alphabet leaking from English class into math class, and he dropped out of school, never to return. His mother remarried, and her new husband expressed his resentment of the children�s existence by slapping them around for any perceived slight. 13-year-old Harland put his few belongings in a box, crept into the kitchen, snuck out the back door, and set out on his own.

MILITARY DAYS

In 1906, young Harland Sanders had found work as a streetcar conductor in New Albany, Indiana when two men struck up a conversation with him regarding the ongoing troubles in Cuba. They were Army recruiters, and by the time their stop arrived they had convinced young Sanders that the Army was the place for him. He promptly enlisted, and he was dispatched to a ship loaded with men and mules bound for Cuba.

Before boarding that ship, the largest body of water Sanders had ever previously seen was �the old swimming hole� back home. He spent the ocean crossing at the ship�s rail, alternating between gaping at the vast Atlantic, and vomiting into it. When Sanders� commanding officer in Cuba discovered his new recruit was just 16 years old, he discharged the boy and put him on a boat back to the states. Thus ended the future colonel�s military career.

RAILROADED

In the early 1900s, the archetypal steely-eyed adventurer was embodied by the railroad engineer, analogous to the jet pilots and astronauts of later decades. Harland Sanders� sixth-grade education didn�t qualify him for any skilled jobs in the business, but he found work as an �ash doodler� for Southern Railroad, scraping coal ash from steam engines. But Sanders studied the railroad firemen, watching as they shoveled coal into the firebox, and learning how to spread the fuel for maximum efficiency. By age 18 Sanders had reverse-engineered the occupation, and he began filling in for firemen who failed to show up for work. He also adopted the firemen�s lexicon, cultivating an expansive vocabulary of profanities in his everyday conversation. �It�s hard for me not to call a no-good, lazy, incompetent, dishonest SOB by any thing else but his rightful name,� Sanders would later write. With the exception of his filthy language, Sanders was obsessed with cleanliness, and he adopted the unusual practice of dressing himself in white overalls and white cotton gloves. He claimed that he often went home spotless despite working amid coal all day.

It was around this time that Sanders met his beloved Josephine King. Both were regular customers at the same moving-picture house, and after a brief, shy courtship they decided to marry. According to Margaret Sanders�the couple�s future eldest daughter�her mother had no interest in having children. Unfortunately, Josephine was under the impression that her firm resolve was sufficient to suppress reproduction. Margaret was born roughly 40 weeks after the wedding night.

A POUND OF FLESH

Sanders worked for various railroads over several years, but his days as a professional fireman were over when he and an engineer were found engaging in terrific fisticuffs under a railroad water tower. History failed to record the cause of the disagreement, nor whether young Sanders blemished his pristine white uniform with blood.

At age 21, Sanders began a law correspondence course, and he studied in a judge�s office in Little Rock. Eventually he found work in the justice of the peace court, hoping to bring some justice to the long-abused poor of the region. He was particularly proud of the time he was able to negotiate better settlements for the mostly-black victims of a train wreck, and of his efforts to stop courts from pressuring defendants into settlements. But his days in justice of the peace court were over when he and his client were found brawling in a courtroom, evidently over unpaid legal fees.

Sanders during his time as a tire salesman
Sanders during his time as a tire salesman
Sanders also spent some years as an independent entrepreneur, launching ventures of varying success. He lost most of his money trying to sell an indoor lighting system based on acetylene gas�the newfangled electrical grid arrived in rural areas sooner than expected. But he earned a small fortune when he established a much-needed steamboat ferry crossing in Jeffersonville, Indiana.

Sanders used the profits to establish a Young Businessmen�s Club in town. One fine Saturday afternoon the club declared that all of the businesses in town would be closed for a picnic in the park. They put out signs announcing the picnic the day prior.

Inside a Jeffersonville barber shop, a customer was enjoying a hot shave when a surly, Sanders-shaped silhouette darkened the door. �The dry-good stores, the grocery store�everybody is closed but you,� Sanders said to the barber. �Why don�t you close?� Apparently other town barbers were nervous about losing their customers to the lone holdout, and they were threatening to desert.

�Whenever I get ready to close my business I�ll put my own sign on my door,� the barber replied, �I�m not goin� to have you drat fellows closin� me up.�

The foamy customer in the chair added, �All you fellows is doin� is gettin� all the money out of the town you can for yourselves.�

�You come out here, and I�ll make you prove it,� Sanders replied. The customer shot from the chair and squared off with Sanders outside. Sanders presently punched the lather right off the half-shaven fellow�s face. Unfortunately, Sanders� brand new straw hat�one he bought special for the picnic�was trampled in the commotion. Nevertheless, the picnic was reportedly the �daggonest� Jeffersonville ever saw. Attendees even collected money to replace the ruined hat.

THE INCIDENT AT THE BRIDGE

In the late 1920s, the Sanders family was living in Camp Nelson, Kentucky, where Harland supported his wife and three children as a salesman for Michelin Tire Company. His commissions were sufficient that he was the proud owner of a new top-of-the-line Maxwell automobile. She was a beauty, with varnished wood-spoked wheels, nickel trim, and a revolutionary new straight-six engine under the hood.

One frosty morning in November of 1926, Sanders was outside tying a tow rope from the back of his Maxwell to the front of the family�s other car, an old Ford Model T1. The Model T was a persnickety thing, especially in the cold, and sometimes it had to be pull-started to get the engine to turn over. Sanders� 18-year-old son Harland Jr. took the wheel of the Model T, and Sanders Sr. towed him toward the bridge over Hickman Creek. It was a �swinging bridge� designed for horse-drawn carriages, but the Sanders boys frequently crossed it in their horseless alternatives without any trouble. As they crossed the expanse, however, the combined weight of two cars proved to be more than the creaky bridge could bear. When they were about halfway, one of the main cables snapped.

The entire bridge twisted, dumping father and son and family automobiles into the 40-foot-deep gully. Both cars landed upside down, crushing their flimsy canvas roofs. The younger Sanders wriggled out from under the Model T, somehow escaping with only minor cuts and contusions. The senior Sanders crawled out from under his ruined car, fractured, bruised, mud-caked, and bloodied. The two walked back to the house while neighbors gawked from the edge of the gully above. Once he arrived home, Josephine helped her husband put a large loose flap of scalp back where it belonged, doused the wounds in turpentine, and bandaged him up. He had survived, but lacking a working automobile, his employment did not.

CORBIN STORIES: PART 1

Harland Sanders next found work managing a Standard Oil service station in nearby Nicholasville. He made two cents profit per gallon of gasoline, and he earned interest by selling farm equipment to locals on credit. But a severe drought descended upon the bluegrass region in the late 1920s, ravaging crops and livelihoods. Gasoline demand declined, and customers defaulted on their credit. Then the Wall Street Crash of 1929 smothered what little hope for recovery remained.

Sanders contacted some acquaintances at Shell Oil and leveraged his reputation to lease a new location where fuel demand was higher. They gave him a little station in the town of Corbin, Kentucky. There was no electricity yet, and it was a rough area, but the station had a convenient apartment in the back, and it was near busy U.S. Route 25. This was the �Hell�s Half-Acre� where Sanders later engaged in advertising-related gunplay with Matt Stewart (who, by the way, was sentenced to 18 years for the murder of Shell manager Robert Gibson (though, incidentally, Stewart died just two years into his sentence at the hands of a deputy sheriff (who, according to rumor, was hired to acquire vengeance on behalf of the wealthy Gibson family))).

The Corbin service station
The Corbin service station
One night, in the wee hours, Sanders was jolted awake by multiple gunshots outside. Two rival alcohol bootleggers were exchanging bullets and insults in the road in front of Sanders� place. The shootout was interrupted by the sound of a door crashing open from the nearby service station. A middle-aged man stood just outside the door wearing nothing but his underwear, aiming a large shotgun in their direction. �Line up, both of you sons of bitches and throw down your guns!� Sanders ordered. Being called a son of a bitch was no trifling insult to fellows from those parts in those days, but the shotgun convinced them to comply.

When the sheriff arrived to collect the suspects, he asked Sanders to come back to the county seat with him to serve as a witness. As they sped away, Sanders� daughter Margaret ran after the car clutching a wad of fabric. �Father!� she shouted, �you forgot your pants!�

CORBIN STORIES: PART 2

One day in the early 1930s, Josephine and Margaret Sanders were beginning to wonder what was keeping Harland away so long. Last they had seen him, he was riding a mule up the mountain in a downpour, carrying an old lard bucket filled with bandages, scissors, antiseptics, and rubber gloves. He was en route to a nearby Appalachian community which lacked electricity, roads, indoor plumbing, and other modern conveniences. From time to time Sanders brought the families there free food, including full Thanksgiving spreads for entire towns, but most urgently the people needed medical care. He had been summoned because one of the townswomen had gone into labor. Having three children, Sanders had a little experience with childbirth, so he had become a self-styled amateur midwife. But this outing was taking much longer than normal.

Harland interrupted his wife and daughter�s worrying when he burst into the apartment and grabbed his trusty shotgun he kept behind the front door. He explained that it might be necessary to use a little �persuasion.� The baby wasn�t in the proper position in the womb, requiring more experienced intervention. But the allegedly drunken doctor was refusing to go, Hippocrates be damned. Shortly the doctor was appropriately persuaded, and he was seen riding up the mountain astride a wet mule. The doctor manually adjusted the baby�s position, and the delivery proceeded smoothly. The parents named their new son �Harland.�

In 1935 or 1936, in recognition of Sanders� midwifery work, food donations, and his regular shuttling of townsfolk to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings2, Kentucky governor Ruby Laffoon commissioned Harland Sanders as a �Kentucky Colonel,� the highest title of honor bestowed by the Commonwealth of Kentucky.

CORBIN STORIES: PART 3

In Corbin, according to Harland Sanders, �Bootleggin�s, fights, and shootin�s was as regular as a rooster�s crowing in the mornin�.� Whether or not this excessive chicken noise informed Sanders� future career is impossible to say, but Corbin is where he began his gradual transformation into the future famous food icon. The only thing Sanders seemed to enjoy more than swearing was experimenting with cooking. He decided to put a big oak table in a former storeroom and reopen as �Sanders� Servistation and Caf�.� Hungry travelers were drawn in by the big advertisements Sanders painted on roadside barns north and south of town. Sanders hired some waitstaff, but he made a point to pay them a living wage, and strictly forbid them from accepting tips. Using the kitchen in the apartment in back, Harland and Josephine cooked up such fare as steak, country ham, potatoes with red-eye gravy, grits, and hot biscuits. Chicken was not often on the menu�it took too long to cook it to Sanders� satisfaction. But he experimented with it constantly.

Inside the Corbin restaurant
Inside the Corbin restaurant
It was around this time that Sanders met his beloved Claudia Price, a young divorced woman who lived in Corbin. At Harland�s suggestion, his wife Josephine hired Claudia to help around the caf�, and it soon became something of an open secret that Claudia was equal parts waitress and mistress. But this silent scandal was marginalized by the growing success of the restaurant. Sanders added a small luxury motel to the property in 1937, the first one east of the Mississippi, according to Sanders. He even rubbed elbows with renowned food critic Duncan Hines of modern cake mix fame, who gave Sanders� place a glowing review in his travel book.

For entertainment, Sanders would occasionally take customers around back to listen to a braying jackass�an actual braying jackass that occupied an adjacent lot, not a New Yorker. �HEE HAW,� the jackass would say. This was, from all reports, a thigh-slappingly good time. Affordable diversion was scarce in the Great Depression.

Sanders also kept a pet crow on the premises that the staff named �Jim Crow.� Motel guests could drop a penny in their pant cuff and stroll around the yard, and Jim would hop behind them, pecking and probing until he got the penny out, much to the amusement of onlookers. Nobody knew what Jim did with the pennies until some years later, when Sanders was renovating the hotel. He tore out a staircase and it paid off like a penny slot.

It was around this time that Sanders met his beloved Bertha. Bertha was his nickname for his first pressure cooker, a new contraption that rapidly cooked vegetables using high temperatures and pressures. Sanders wondered whether this might be the key to frying chicken quickly without sacrificing quality. He added pressure relief valves to Bertha so it would be safe for frying, and spent years experimenting with various marinades, oils, temperatures, types of flour, and seasonings. By July 1940, Sanders had developed a system to fry chicken to golden brown in about eight minutes, and he�d perfected his long-evolving spice spectrum by adding an eleventh ingredient. He had also invented a �cracklin� gravy� which took advantage of the bits of breading left in the oil after frying, and it was rumored to have been among the finest things one can put in one�s mouth. But his discoveries would have to wait for the world to sort some things out.

THE SECRET CITY

In the cold of an early December Sunday afternoon in 1942 1941, the Sanders family were sitting in Margaret�s home listening to music on the radio when the broadcast was interrupted by a special news bulletin. An announcer informed listeners that Pearl Harbor was being bombed by the Empire of Japan. The United States was at war.

Buildings in Oak Ridge, Tennessee
Buildings in Oak Ridge, Tennessee
At 52 years old, Sanders was too old to serve his country, but he could still serve a small portion of it. He left the restaurant in the care of his mistress Claudia and traveled all the way out to the remote town of Oak Ridge, Tennessee where the government had hastily erected a sprawling, state-of-the-art facility on what had previously been farmland. Sanders met up with his friend Jo Clemmons, the manager of a local cafeteria, and formally accepted a position as Assistant Manager.

Although he worked there until nearly the end of the war, Sanders had no idea how the thousands of men and women of Oak Ridge spent their days. They never openly discussed their work, even with the affable Sanders. Only later would he learn that those workers were scientists and engineers, and that they had been developing their own secret recipe: uranium-235. They had spent years heating chunks of the metal to high temperatures, then pushing its vapors through membranes, then spinning it in massive magnetic chambers, all to isolate a few kilograms of the special isotope. In 1945, the stuff was packed into the Little Boy bomb, loaded onto the Enola Gay, flown to Japan, and dropped on Hiroshima. It was the first atomic weapon ever deployed in war.

THE COLONEL HAS ARRIVED

Sanders ran for Kentucky state senator in 1951, but he was defeated by a narrow margin.
Sanders ran for Kentucky state senator in 1951, but he was defeated by a narrow margin.
In 1952, Harland Sanders decided to visit Australia. Much had changed in his life after the war. Harland and Josephine had divorced after 39 years, and Sanders married his long-time employee and mistress Claudia. Governor Wetherby recommissioned him as a Kentucky Colonel in honor of his cuisine, and this time Sanders fully embraced the honorific. He began introducing himself as �Colonel Sanders,� and he started to put together his signature look, growing a salt-and-pepper goatee and wearing black frock suits with a Kentucky-style string tie. With so much changing in his life, he thought he ought to change his vocabulary to match the southern gentleman motif he was trying for, which meant the elimination of profanity. This was why he was traveling to Australia, where he hoped that a big religious conference could cure his habit. But he had a stop to make in Utah first.

Wearing some early iteration of his evolving ensemble, 62-year-old Colonel Sanders stepped off a train in Salt Lake City and went to the Do Drop Inn, a newly renovated hamburger stand owned by Pete Harman. Sanders had met Harman at a restaurant convention in Chicago, and the Colonel liked young Harman at once, mostly because Harman seemed to be the only other person at the convention who rejected alcohol.

Sanders asked Harman to give him a ride to a local grocer, and there the Colonel acquired some frozen chickens and an armful of seasonings. He was planning to fry up a batch of the �secret recipe� chicken he had perfected prior to the war, hoping that Harman would sign up to franchise the recipe. Franchising was still a novel concept, and Sanders� idea was to convince already-established restaurants to add his chicken and gravy to their existing menus. They would subscribe to a premixed herbs-and-spices service, paying a nickel a bird to gain access to the recipes and techniques.

The Colonel cooked his chicken in Harman�s kitchen in a borrowed pressure cooker. Fried chicken was not a common entr�e around those parts in those days, so the Do Drop crew were wary. Sanders presented a large serving dish of his signature chicken; they looked at it as though it were a heap of ambiguously seasoned dinosaur descendants. They ate it, but they didn�t seem to know what to make of it. Colonel Sanders got back on the train and headed to San Francisco to catch his flight to Australia.

Sanders with Pete Harman
Sanders with Pete Harman
Two weeks later, on his way back home, Claudia rendezvoused with her husband in San Francisco, and Sanders decided she ought see Pete Harman�s new place. They disembarked from the train in Salt Lake and headed for the Do Drop, and there they were confronted with a massive sign painted on the large windows reading, �Kentucky Fried Chicken�Something New, Something Different.�

�I�ll be Goddamned,� Sanders said. The convention in Australia hadn�t helped.

Pete Harman had evidently cataloged the eleven secret ingredients that the Colonel had purchased, and he had reverse-engineered the pressure frying process. The name �Kentucky Fried Chicken� came from the sign painter, who suggested it when Harman was unsure how to refer to the Colonel�s creation. With the surprise reappearance of the Colonel, Harman agreed to officially franchise�the first person to do so�and Sanders laid claim to the name �Kentucky Fried Chicken.� They sealed the deal with a handshake. Harman soon invented the infamous �bucket meal� and opened additional locations. Within five years his annual restaurant revenue multiplied twenty-fold.

THE ROAD

In 1956, President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed the National Interstate and Defense Highways Act, authorizing the expenditure of $25 billion to construct over 40,000 miles of the Interstate Highway System. This was to be the largest public works project America had ever seen.

The Sanders hotel and restaurant complex was already struggling�the state had relocated a key junction on Route 25, and Sanders� location was no longer as convenient for travelers. But the Colonel knew he was in serious trouble when the newspaper published the surveyed routes for these newfangled �freeways.� Interstate 75 would replace Route 25 as the local traffic artery, but it would pass seven miles outside town. With the irrecoverable loss of passersby, Sanders sold the property for a fraction of what it had been worth a year earlier. Aged 66, Harland Sanders was back to square one, with no income apart from a few franchise fees and $105 per month in social security.

Sanders began courting chicken franchisees in earnest. He would drive to a town with good prospects, park his Oldsmobile on the outskirts, and spend the night asleep in the backseat. He brought with him everything he needed to demonstrate his process�an icebox full of chickens, cake flour, newly-patented pressure cookers, boxes of premixed spices, vegetable oil, and fire extinguishers. He fried his chicken for the staffs of receptive restaurants, and if they took a shine to it, he cooked a quantity for customers. He would then stroll through the restaurant inquiring how diners were enjoying their meals, dressed in his fully formed Colonel regalia�a silver goatee, black string tie, a cane, and a pristine white suit just like back in his railroad days.

Dave Thomas and Harland Sanders
Dave Thomas and Harland Sanders
One restaurant that decided to franchise early was The Hobby House in Fort Wayne, Indiana. There, Colonel Sanders befriended head cook Dave Thomas. The seasoned veteran took young Thomas under his wing, providing the novice with sage advice and mentoring him in the ways of the restaurant. Thomas would go on to manage several successful Kentucky Fried Chicken franchises. Later Thomas founded his own franchise, a hamburger chain called Wendy�s that has enjoyed some success.

THE DINER

Colonel Sanders� business grew in trials and errors and fits and starts. The work was taxing for the almost-70-year-old Sanders, causing considerable cantankerousness. One unknown morning in some unknown town, he and Claudia stopped at a diner for some breakfast. When the waitress set the Colonel�s plate before him, he blanched at the flaccid, undercooked eggs. �Miss,� he said, �I was never drunk enough to eat eggs raw as that. And I asked that they be turned over.�

�That�s right, you did,� she said. �I�ll take them right back.� She was gone for a few moments, and then returned with the plate. The eggs indeed looked more thoroughly cooked, though the Colonel reckoned this to be a physical impossibility given the time that had elapsed. He flipped the eggs over, and confirmed his suspicion: One side was still untouched by the grill; the cook had merely turned the eggs over on the plate.

In the kitchen, the cook was sitting on a table smoking a cigarette when the double swinging doors burst open to reveal a curiously-dressed man. The intruder was wearing a white linen suit, black string tie, and a silver goatee. He had a breakfast plate in hand. �You son of a bitch,� the uninvited guest said, �You think you�re smart turnin� those eggs over on my plate?�

�Don�t call me a son of a bitch,� the cook said, standing up from the table. �Get out of my kitchen.�

�I�ll do just that,� Sanders said, tipping the eggs from his plate into his upturned palm, �and leave your eggs with you.� Colonel Sanders cocked his arm back, and projected the fistful of breakfast at the object of his scorn, like a wizard casting a poultry hex. The eggs sailed, egg-like, across the expanse between them. The floppy projectiles struck the cook dead in the center of his chest in a spattering burst of raw yellow yolk.

Back at her table, Claudia was startled as the kitchen doors burst outward, and her husband backed quickly out into the dining area. He was holding a small stool in a defensive posture and shouting at the yolk-soaked cook, who emerged from the kitchen with a knife clenched in his hand. Sanders disgorged a cornucopia of vulgarities relating to supernatural deities, bodily excretions, procreation, and the temperament and marital status of his assailant�s parents�suspending his profane tirade for a moment to apologize to a couple of diners who were taken aback by the spectacle. The grill man eventually gave up his attack and returned to the kitchen, having accomplished his intended intimidation. The Colonel returned his stool to the floor, and he and Claudia decided that they probably ought to take their dining business elsewhere.

THE MUG

Despite the slow initial progress in signing up franchisees, interest in Kentucky Fried Chicken began to improve in the late 50s and early 60s. Word had gotten out regarding Pete Harman�s success�by then he was doing brisk business at multiple locations. Colonel Sanders� company had also launched a number of innovative carry-out locations which omitted the dining area. The food was packed into boxes and buckets so customers could take it home for dinner, and the concept was proving popular.

The Colonel�s meticulously anachronistic attire and twinkle-eyed charm helped him gain a foothold via organic marketing. He began to visit local radio stations to tell his story, and occasionally he appeared on television talk shows and the like. His face and signature string tie were appearing on increasingly numerous signs and food packages, and people began to recognize him in public. �I never liked the idea of using my photograph on things,� he wrote in his autobiography. �I had always referred to my face as my mug. But I did have a line drawing made for use in advertising, and when I saw it on the boxes containing my food I nearly fainted.�

By 1962, there were hundreds of restaurants in North America sending fees to 72-year-old Sanders, most of the deals sealed with a handshake and maintained on the honor system. Franchise applicants eventually became so numerous that Sanders no longer went out to meet them; rather, he cordially summoned them to his estate in Shelbyville, Kentucky.

THE CITY SLICKER

In October of 1963, a 29-year-old lawyer named John Y. Brown, Jr. was pretty sure he knew what Colonel Sanders ought to do with the finally-profitable Kentucky Fried Chicken, Incorporated: He should sell it to John Y. Brown, Jr.

Brown had been working with Sanders as an upstart franchisee, but he had greater ambitions. Brown saw a company that was making over $300,000 per year with a staff of 17. The Colonel wasn�t much of a fan of paid advertising, and Brown felt there was a fortune to be had by acquiring the company and instituting an aggressive sales campaign. He convinced the Colonel to join him in a meeting with Jack Massey, a businessman from Nashville. �Colonel,� Massey said, �you�re 74 years old. You�ve developed a wonderful product in Kentucky Fried Chicken. And you�ve worked hard doing it, but now is the time for you to relax.�

Relaxing was not among the Colonel�s talents. �A man will rust out quicker than he�ll wear out,� is something he was fond of saying. According to Sanders, he dismissed the �city slicker� and his offer, probably with a flourish of profanity, but the pair soon returned. He declined again, they returned again. Employing the time-tested method of erosion, they wore him down over a period of months. They told him the tax burden on his estate would be astronomical if he died while he still owned the company, robbing his daughters of inheritance. They told him it would be a disaster to sell to the franchisees as he had planned; the company would tear itself apart. They told him they would respect the way he had always done things, treating franchisees like partners and treating the recipes like gospel. They told him a lot of things.

Massey, Sanders, and Young
Massey, Sanders, and Young
Brown and Massey convinced Sanders to meet with Pete Harman and some of the other long-time, trusted franchisees to see how they felt about him selling the company. To Sanders� surprise, they recommended he sell. This may have had something to do with the 25,000 shares of stock Brown and Massey had offered each of these franchisees, along with seats on the board. In a meeting that dragged until two o�clock in the morning, Sanders finally caved to a provisional deal: Sell for $2 million, and collect a $40,000 annual salary to remain as the quality controller and goodwill ambassador. The agreement excluded a few regions that had already been promised to friends and family, including Canada, which Sanders wanted to keep for himself. Sanders would later say that he had asked about getting some stock as part of the deal, but the buyers advised against it for tax reasons. He decided to trust them.

Despite considerable consternation, Sanders signed the sales agreement, collected the first $500,000 installment from Massey, and entrusted his life�s work with the city slickers. Sanders would hold the company�s stock as collateral until the full $2 million was paid. He settled into the role of spokesperson rather than decision-maker, taking comfort in the new owners� reassurances that they would not compromise on the quality of the business or the product.

AMBASSADOR SANDERS

The compromises at the new Kentucky Fried Chicken, Inc. began almost immediately. The company bought out many of the existing franchises, and ordered the remaining owners to conform: They must remove their own menu items, rename their restaurant �Kentucky Fried Chicken,� update the decor to the red-and-white-striped corporate branding, and use signage and packaging featuring the Colonel�s mug.

The new advertising campaign was indeed aggressive, and financially successful. The Colonel appeared personally in TV commercials, as well as on The Johnny Carson Show, Lawrence Welk, and other such talk show spots. �Wherever you see a picture of this mug of mine, you know you�re going to get good food,� he would say. �At least, good chicken!� Sanders was uneasy with the changes being made within the company, but he was paid to be the goodwill ambassador, so he spread goodwill.

Although the sales contract had set aside Canada as the Colonel�s own territory, legal minds in the new corporation soon realized that the wording left them wiggle room�the contract granted the Colonel exclusive rights to process chicken in Canada, but no restrictions on merchandising it. So as long as they pre-processed the chicken they could legally sell it in the Colonel�s exclusive Canadian market. When corporate officers later came to Sanders and asked him to hand over the collateral stock so the company could go public, he refused until they revised the sales contract to close the Canada loophole. In the meantime he continued to spread goodwill on television, probably through clenched teeth.

Jack Massey, the original $2 million investor who controlled 60% of the company stock, ordered the headquarters moved out of Colonel Sanders� expansive estate in Shelbyville to a new building in Tennessee. �This ain�t no goddamn Tennessee Fried Chicken,� the Colonel protested, �no matter what some slick, silk-suited son of a bitch says.� But Sanders had sold his company to the �slick, silk-suited son of a bitch� in question, so harsh language was about the only legal recourse available.

THE BOOZE HOUNDS

In the early 1970s, Colonel Sanders was informed that Kentucky Fried Chicken and its 3,500+ franchises had been acquired by Heublein Inc., a company best known for distributing Smirnoff vodka. As someone who spent his entire life rallying against liquor (finger lickers notwithstanding), this was an insufferable affront. Once the $285 million buyout was complete, the company was flush with new millionaires. But Colonel Sanders was not among them. He held no stock.

When the great insatiable corporate belly began to grumble, company cooks and chemists were allegedly directed to seek out ways to reduce the expenses associated with the secret-recipe spice spectrum. Fewer and cheaper ingredients would accumulate into millions in savings. Cooking the cracklin� gravy was particularly demanding, so a powdered alternative was introduced. Despite his role as so-called quality controller, Colonel Sanders was not kept abreast of these changes, but be did receive letters from fans asking him why he kept changing his recipes.

Colonel Sanders with Alice Cooper for some reason.
Colonel Sanders with Alice Cooper for some reason.
In the meantime, Heublein was growing concerned about a new �crispy� offering from competing Church�s chicken. Executives decided to roll out �Extra Crispy� chicken with more breading and fewer spices, renaming the Colonel�s recipe to �Original Recipe.� The Colonel described the new offering as a �drat fried doughball stuck on some chicken,� and he said he didn�t want his name and likeness associated with it. But his preferences didn�t seem to hold much sway with the new owners of his name and likeness, and they went ahead and slapped his face on boxes of �Colonel Sanders� Extra Crispy Chicken.�

In an effort to restore his reputation as a cook, Harland and Claudia opened The Colonel�s Lady, a new restaurant that occupied the space in their home that was vacated when headquarters was moved to Tennessee. Fried chicken was on the menu, among other things, but it was unclear whether it was �secret recipe� chicken. According to Sanders� daughter Margaret, Heublein claimed that they owned his face, the name �Colonel�, and his food creations, and began legal proceedings to shutter the fledgling business. Colonel Sanders doubled down, suing the �booze hounds� for using his likeness to promote products he did not develop, and for interfering with his new business. �I�m not too proud of my name being associated with some of my restaurants,� he was quoted as saying in the Milwaukee Journal. �Everybody thinks I�m Kentucky Fried Chicken. They don�t know these other fellows who really run things. [�] I only want to find out how much of my body and soul they own.�

Sanders and Heublein finally settled out of court. Heublein paid Sanders $1 million, and agreed to stop interfering with his new endeavor. Sanders agreed to change his restaurant�s name to Claudia Sanders Dinner House. That restaurant is still in operation today.

COLONEL SANDERS-SAN

A typical Japanese Sanders statue
A typical Japanese Sanders statue
Japan of the 1970s was evidently a land untouched by turkeys. As a consequence, when Western expatriates sought out holiday poultry, chicken was the nearest available analogue. When the marketing department of Kentucky Fried Chicken discovered this, they launched a �Kentucky for Christmas� advertising campaign in Japan, suggesting that viewers visit one of their local Kentucky Fried Chicken locations on December 25, an otherwise unremarkable day in the 99% non-Christian nation. The delightfully alliterative invitation was surprisingly persuasive to the Japanese and expatriates alike, and the Kentucky for Christmas tradition persists to this day. Around the holidays, scores of people in Japan spend hours waiting in chicken lines, and Colonel Sanders acts as a stand-in Santa Claus.

In the 1970s, Colonel Sanders was sent to Japan several times to pay promotional visits to hundreds of Kentucky Fried Chicken franchises. At each location he encountered a life-sized molded-plastic Colonel Sanders doppelg�nger, its hands outstretched in a welcoming pose. One of these statues was famously flung into the Dōtonbori River by riotous celebrators when the Hanshin Tigers baseball team won the Japan Championship Series in 1985. The team�s performance declined sharply in subsequent years, an effect which local legend attributes to the �Curse of the Colonel,� a supernatural punishment for defiling the Colonel�s graven image. It was believed that the team was doomed to lose every Japan League Championship until the Colonel was recovered from the river and restored to its rightful place.

PRESSURE SUIT

As Kentucky Fried Chicken franchises popped up around the world, 86-year-old Colonel Sanders crisscrossed the globe to attend grand openings and other special events. He was fond of paying surprise quality control visits to franchises as he passed through cities. If the chicken was lackluster, the gravy substandard, or the cleanliness of the facility short of impeccable, an earful of criticism awaited the local management.

On one occasion in 1976, at a franchise in Bowling Green, Kentucky, staff stood anxiously awaiting the Colonel�s assessment as he sampled the day�s gravy. �How do you serve this Goddamned slop,� he demanded, �with a straw?� A reporter for the Courier-Journal later quoted him as saying, �My God, that gravy is horrible. They buy tap water for 15 to 20 cents a thousand gallons and then they mix it with flour and starch and end up with pure wallpaper paste.�

This insult was more than the Bowling Green franchisee was prepared to bear, and they filed a defamation suit against the man whose face graced the front of their store. The court eventually threw out the case, ruling that the Colonel was clearly discussing Kentucky Fried Chicken in general rather than their restaurant in particular. Heublein could have sued the Colonel for libel, or even fired him, but customers still responded positively to his advertisements and appearances, so the company opted not to throw the baby out with the gravy water. �Let�s face it,� a company executive was quoted as saying in The New Yorker, �the Colonel�s gravy was fantastic but you had to be a Rhodes Scholar to cook it.�

LIMITED TIME ONLY

In April of his 89th year, Colonel Sanders was dispatched to Japan for yet another promotional tour. He made personal appearances in hundreds of stores, and posed for photographs with thousands of individual fans. He felt unusually exhausted upon his return home. As weeks passed the exhaustion didn�t diminish, and several weeks later he was diagnosed with acute leukemia. Sanders spent the next few months in and out of the hospital, still making public appearances when he was able. He knew that his end was coming soon, and he implored the franchisees to remain open on that day when it finally came. The people must not be deprived of chicken.

The Colonel had become interested in religion in his later years, and one day he asked a reverend whether God could help cure him of his foul language. �What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them,� the reverend quoted from the Bible in reply. So the Colonel prayed. He said that he then felt as though a great weight was lifted from his shoulders. His troubles with profanity were finally over. Not to say that he stopped his constant cursing, far from it�but from then on he would say a silent prayer for forgiveness immediately following the vulgarities, and that seemed to do the trick.

Sanders greeting well-wishers at his 90th birthday party.
Sanders greeting well-wishers at his 90th birthday party.
Harland Sanders died on 16 December 1980 at the age of 90. His casket was put on display in the rotunda of the Kentucky State Capitol building where mourners and dignitaries paid their respects. The governor of Kentucky, one John Y. Brown, Jr., gave the eulogy.

Sanders� daughter Margaret went on to write an account of her upbringing titled The Colonel�s Secret: Eleven Herbs and a Spicy Daughter. In it, she explained how she was her father�s favorite child, and she credited herself for some of the pivotal innovations that led to the success of Kentucky Fried Chicken. It also included a curious quantity of details about her father�s sex life, including an anecdote from the night of her own conception. But other Sanders relatives are quick to point out that Margaret�s version of events is not universally agreed upon.

Kentucky Fried Chicken today�officially shortened to �KFC� in 1991�is a subsidiary of Yum! Brands, and headquarters was moved back to Kentucky years ago. As of this writing, KFC is the second largest restaurant chain in the world, with about 19,000 locations selling ambiguously seasoned dinosaur descendants to humans on every continent except Antarctica.

Independent laboratory testing has suggested that the only seasonings in modern KFC are salt, pepper, sugar, and MSG, despite corporate claims to the contrary. And although Sanders had always insisted on frying with vegetable oil for the best flavor, in the 1990s the company switched to cheaper palm and soybean oils. Crass caricatures of the Colonel appear on television promoting crass caricatures of his food. And the current, corporatized biography of Colonel Sanders� life has been watered down more than a Bowling Green gravy.

One can only imagine how Harland Sanders would respond to the continued use of his name and likeness in the modern manifestation of his restaurants. He would probably have a thing or two to say about supernatural deities, bodily excretions, procreation, and the temperament and marital status of executives� parents. He would probably make every attempt to legally bar the company from putting his face on buildings, buckets, and boxes containing the impostor products. And, failing all else, he probably would have challenged those �slick, silk-suited sons of bitches� to some terrific fisticuffs�to settle the matter of who owns his body and soul once and for all.

EPILOGUE

The recovered Sanders statue on display
The recovered Sanders statue on display
On 10 March 2009, workers building a boardwalk on the Dōtonbori River in Osaka, Japan encountered a strange, barrel-sized object lodged deep in the wet soil. They extracted it from the river and hosed it off. The object that slowly emerged from the mud was splotchy gray, the enamel having worn off years earlier, but it was the unmistakable shape of the torso, head, and arms of a Colonel Sanders statue. The right hand and the legs were soon found on the river bottom nearby.

Japanese KFC officials cleaned and reassembled the pieces, arranged for some Shinto curse-breaking rituals, and placed the mottled, mostly-complete effigy in a clear protective case at a KFC branch near the statue�s original location. There he patiently awaits a reunion with his still-missing left hand and eyeglasses, which will lift the Curse of the Colonel according to local legend. In the meantime, employees turn the Sanders statue to face the television whenever the Tigers are playing a televised game. To this day they still haven�t won another Japan League Championship.

# ? Jun 23, 2016 21:21

Creed Reunion Tour: Jul 3, 2007; by Cyrano4747; Grimey Drawer

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[/color][/size]

# ? Jun 23, 2016 21:22

sout: Apr 24, 2014

in this post the john galt speech

# ? Jun 23, 2016 21:28

FrumpleOrz: Feb 12, 2014; Perhaps you have not been to the *Playground*.
The *Playground* is for Taalo and for Orz, but *Campers* can go.
It more fun than several.
You can go there for too much fun.

Norse by Norsewest
BR4T
B0MB
BLKS
TLPT

DOOM
6x54956s65
9k!2y!899!
BND5XDBCFD

The Bombing Island
3H 7C 9S 9C AC

Zero Tolerance

Wv9*uv0v7
XXoduvKmR

Assault Rigs
TSCCXS
XSSSCT
TSXSTT
STSXTX

# ? Jun 23, 2016 21:29

treiz01: Jan 2, 2008; There is little that makes me happier than taking drugs. Perhaps administering them, designing and carrying out experiments that bend the plane of what we consider reality.

Last night at the bar a regular told me his neighbor (another regular) had died Monday morning. As the initial shock hit me I felt the sudden onset of pressure. While distraught and asking about the particulars of the death, the pressure built up to where I felt like I was going to poo poo a beach ball. Somehow in the middle of a very serious conversation I managed to release the fart like a pinhole leak in a balloon, deftly disguising my grunts of relief like, "Urrrrrgh... man that's so terrible.(fweeeeeeeeee) I mean mmmmmmmgh... for him to go so suddenly like that.(eeeeeeeeee) Gaaaaaaaah, how is everyone taking it? (eeeeeeeerrrrrrp). The fart finally concluded and I went off somewhere out of the public eye to expel the rest of the gas. I scurried into the kitchen, looked at the cook and made a sound in my trousers that is most accurately described as James Earl Jones exclaiming the word "BLACK!" in a very surprised tone.

# ? Jun 23, 2016 21:30

A ILL BREAKFAST: Jun 9, 2007; *unsheathes katana*

its a document full of phone numbers of friends and family, not gonna post that here

# ? Jun 23, 2016 21:33

Nolan Arenado: May 8, 2009

A ILL BREAKFAST posted:

its a document full of phone numbers of friends and family, not gonna post that here

I'm sorry but you have to.

# ? Jun 23, 2016 21:35

a star war betamax: Sep 17, 2011; by Lowtax; Gary’s Answer

A ILL BREAKFAST posted:

its a document full of phone numbers of friends and family, not gonna post that here

My phone is in hand and I am ready.

# ? Jun 23, 2016 21:48

psychokitty: Jun 29, 2010; =9.9=
MEOW
BITCHES

I only have a 4th oldest one and it's an Iron Chef Something Awful (ICSA) post

# ? Jun 23, 2016 22:07

Mr.Acula: May 10, 2009; Billions and billions of fat clouds

[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:41 2015] -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:41 2015] STAR WARS: The Old Republic v1.00.0.1 uninstaller ran
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:41 2015] -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:41 2015] CallParameters=[]
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:41 2015] System Default Language ID=4105
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:41 2015] Supported OS Language=en
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:41 2015] Program Location from registry=C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:41 2015] Language string code from registry=en
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:41 2015] Start Menu path from registry=C:\ProgramData\Microsoft\Windows\Start Menu\Programs\EA\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:41 2015] User admin status: Admin
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] Uninstall
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] un.DoUninstall
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] Deleting shortcut "C:\ProgramData\Microsoft\Windows\Start Menu\Programs\EA\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\Star Wars - The Old Republic.lnk"
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] Deleting shortcut "C:\ProgramData\Microsoft\Windows\Start Menu\Programs\EA\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\Uninstall Star Wars - The Old Republic.lnk"
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] Deleting shortcut "C:\ProgramData\Microsoft\Windows\Start Menu\Programs\EA\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\View License.lnk"
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] Deleting shortcut "C:\ProgramData\Microsoft\Windows\Start Menu\Programs\EA\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\SWTOR Customer Support.lnk"
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] Deleting shortcut "C:\ProgramData\Microsoft\Windows\Start Menu\Programs\EA\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\View Readme.lnk"
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] Game Explorer: checking for product registry entry
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] - removing Game Explorer entry: {58770AD5-73B5-4E72-8835-1D6EE012364C}
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] Deleting key SOFTWARE\BioWare\Star Wars-The Old Republic
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] Deleting key (if empty) SOFTWARE\BioWare
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] - error deleting key (probably not empty)
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] Deleting Add/Remove registry entry - {3B11D799-48E0-48ED-BFD7-EA655676D8BB}
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:47 2015] Removing Windows Firewall exception "C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\launcher.exe"
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] - unknown error; R1=Ok ; R2=
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Removing Windows Firewall exception "C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\swtor\retailclient\swtor.exe"
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] - unknown error; R1=Ok ; R2=
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\launcher.exe'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\patcher_update.exe'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\launcher.settings.xml'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\SWTORLaunch.dll'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\SWTOR_GDF.dll'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\patcher.version'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\ReqChk.dll'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\TORLog.dll'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\ProcChk.dll'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\launcher.settings'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\icudt.dll'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\libcef.dll'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\avcodec-53.dll'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\avformat-53.dll'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:50 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\avutil-51.dll'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\chrome.pak'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\Third Party Notices.doc'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\Third Party Notices.rtf'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\assets_fr_fr_main.version'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\movies_en_us.version'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\movies_de_de.version'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\movies_fr_fr.version'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\retailclient_swtor.version'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\assets_swtor_main.version'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\assets_en_us_main.version'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\assets_de_de_main.version'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\*.version'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\docs'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\he500'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:51 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\logs'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\patch'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\Uninstall'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\he600'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\he700'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\he601'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\he701'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\he501'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\html'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\he602'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\he603'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\ui'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\Assets'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\Movies'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\EULAs'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\readmes'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:52 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\locales'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:53 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\SWTOR'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:53 2015] Delete 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic\EUALAs'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:53 2015] Removing C:\Users\Nathan\AppData\Local\swtor
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:53 2015] Delete C:\Program Files (x86)\Common Files\BioWare\Uninstall Star Wars - The Old Republic.exe
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:53 2015] Removing (if empty) SM Full Path - 'C:\ProgramData\Microsoft\Windows\Start Menu\Programs\EA\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:53 2015] Removing (if empty) install folder - 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:53 2015] Removing (if empty) uninstaller folder - 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Common Files\BioWare'
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:53 2015] Checking for leftover files
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:53 2015] 'C:\Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\BioWare\Star Wars - The Old Republic' not empty
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:14:55 2015] User selected to delete extra files
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:15:13 2015] un.onGUIEnd
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:15:13 2015] -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:15:13 2015] | STAR WARS: The Old Republic uninstaller finished
[Wednesday Sep 09 1:15:13 2015] -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

# ? Jun 23, 2016 22:57

Bedevere: Jun 24, 2005; Grimey Drawer

Hogge Wild posted:

I am sorry to be the baron of bad news, but you seem buttered, so allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment..... like it's a peach of cake.

It's like reading that John Lennon book about Sherlock Holmes.

# ? Jun 23, 2016 23:01

potee: Jul 23, 2007; Or, you know.

Not fine.

$myShell = New-Object -com "Wscript.Shell"; for ($i = 0; $i -lt 120; $i++) {Start-Sleep -Seconds 60; $myShell.sendkeys(" ")}

# ? Jun 23, 2016 23:04

DICKLORD BONE: Aug 27, 2003

0,0
0,0 0,14 0,0
0,0 0,1 0,0 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,14 0,0
0,0 0,1 0,0 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,14 0,0
0,0 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,14 0,15 0,1 0,0
0,0 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,14 0,0 0,14 0,15 0,1 0,15 0,0
0,0 0,15 0,0 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,15 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,15 0,0 0,14 0,0 0,15 0,14 0,15 0,0
0,0 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,15 0,14 0,15 0,0 0,15 0,0 0,14 0,0 0,15 0,0
0,0 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,15 0,0 0,15 0,0 0,1 0,15 0,0 0,14 0,0 0,15 0,0
0,0 0,15 0,0 0,15 0,0 0,15 0,0 0,15 0,0 0,15 0,0
0,0 0,15 0,0 0,15 0,0 0,15 0,0 0,15 0,0
0,0 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,15 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,0
0,0 0,1 0,14 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,15 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,15 0,1 0,0
0,0 0,14 0,15 0,14 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,14 0,1 0,14 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,14 0,1 0,14 0,1 0,0
0,0 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,15 0,14 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,14 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,15 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,14 0,15
0,0 0,14 0,1 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,15 0,14 0,15 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,14 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0
0,0 0,1 0,0 0,14 0,0 0,14 0,1 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,14 0,15 0,1 0,14 0,0 0,14 0,1 0,14 0,1 0,0
0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,14 0,15 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0
0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,14 0,15 0,1 0,0 0,14 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0
0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,14 0,15 0,0 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0
0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,14 0,0 0,14 0,15 0,0 0,14 0,0 0,1 0,0 0,1 0,0
0,0

# ? Jun 23, 2016 23:05

Nolan Arenado: May 8, 2009

Lotta sexy notepad documents itt

# ? Jun 23, 2016 23:08

Alien Sex Manual: Dec 14, 2010; is not a sandwich

Out of pity I went into my phone notepad and the fifth oldest note is "Clerk 30117". You're welcome op.

# ? Jun 23, 2016 23:19

tag youre fat: Aug 16, 2013; C'est l'homme ideal
charme au masculin

Not that it matters, but I really, really, really, really, REALLY, REALLY HATE IT when anyone in any company anywhere says they want you to "step up." It makes me twitch angrily whenever I see it written or hear it said. It's such an empty phrase, it does nothing to offer guidance or solutions to existing problems, it's a cop-out for addressing any problem it pertains to no matter who says it, it can be used to easily vilify a person ("I fired him because he didn't step up"), and it's lifted from every single entrepreneurial self-help book on the planet. It's corporate confusion disguised as an order. It's empty promises and double-speak disguised as motivational speech. I can taste the bile in the back of my throat as I type this.

If you've ever told someone they need to "step up" in anything in life or work, kindly do the world a favor and catapult yourself face first into a wood chipper.

# ? Jun 24, 2016 01:12

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Swan Curry posted:

Not that it matters, but I really, really, really, really, REALLY, REALLY HATE IT when anyone in any company anywhere says they want you to "step up." It makes me twitch angrily whenever I see it written or hear it said. It's such an empty phrase, it does nothing to offer guidance or solutions to existing problems, it's a cop-out for addressing any problem it pertains to no matter who says it, it can be used to easily vilify a person ("I fired him because he didn't step up"), and it's lifted from every single entrepreneurial self-help book on the planet. It's corporate confusion disguised as an order. It's empty promises and double-speak disguised as motivational speech. I can taste the bile in the back of my throat as I type this.

If you've ever told someone they need to "step up" in anything in life or work, kindly do the world a favor and catapult yourself face first into a wood chipper.

I take it you didn't step up?

poo poo is about as worthless as telling a kid that they'll understand when they're older.

# ? Jun 24, 2016 02:52

Science Rocket: Sep 4, 2006; Putting the Flash in Flash Man

....................../��/)
....................,/�../
.................../..../
............./��/'...'/��`��
........../'/.../..../......./��\
........('(...�...�.... �~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.��
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

So this is both the 1st and 5th oldest notepad file... It's the only notepad thing I had on my PC because I'm not a loving scrub.

# ? Jun 24, 2016 02:55

Nolan Arenado: May 8, 2009

This thread has taught me that I'm apparently the only person who uses notepad for quick little notes/reminders/etc.

I guess I'm just a really unique guy. :grin:

# ? Jun 24, 2016 02:56

Bismuth: Jun 11, 2010; by Azathoth; Hell Gem

I only have 5 notepad docs on this computer :/

1027 AAVC 369 01 THE PAINTER-PRINTMAKER $75 fee 4 TTh 02:00PM - 04:30PM MFAC 108A 2

1602 ENVS 230 01 INTRO TO GIS IS,QR 3 WF 09:30AM - 10:20AM RENH 206 17
1633 CHEM 211 03 GEN CHEMISTRY $60 FEE NW 4 MWF 10:45AM - 11:50AM RENH 201 3
1648 CHEM 211L 04 LAB: GEN CHEMISTRY 0 W 01:00PM - 04:00PM MURD 106 CLOSED

# ? Jun 24, 2016 02:58

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

OctoberBlues posted:

This thread has taught me that I'm apparently the only person who uses notepad for quick little notes/reminders/etc.

I guess I'm just a really unique guy.

I use it a lot, but I collated a bunch of them into that mess I posted so I could edit it up later.

Lists of music to check out, movies to watch, books to read, quick drafts of story ideas or lyrics...it's almost like having a little...notepad on my desktop!

# ? Jun 24, 2016 03:02

tag youre fat: Aug 16, 2013; C'est l'homme ideal
charme au masculin

Pvt.Scott posted:

I take it you didn't step up?

poo poo is about as worthless as telling a kid that they'll understand when they're older.

I'm pretty sure it was a post somewhere in yospos

# ? Jun 24, 2016 03:07

dogmother1776: Apr 16, 2016

quote:

1 kg of meat
3 tomatoes
1 onion

pass the tomatoes and onion in a blender
reduce tomato and onion mash using a large knife

add 20g of salt
pepper
and chili

"take a kg of mutton, with it's fat"

"add pine nuts."

"dough is made from white flour, yeast, sugar and salt"

make small discs of dough

deposit meat mixture

shape dough to give it its shape

cook 10 to 12 minutes

serve with lemon garnish

# ? Jun 24, 2016 03:55

Vacation Tenzin: Jan 23, 2005; I'M TOTALLY CALM AND RELAXED.

OctoberBlues posted:

This thread has taught me that I'm apparently the only person who uses notepad for quick little notes/reminders/etc.

I guess I'm just a really unique guy.

I do it too, but mostly for long term World of Warcraft notes I need to keep or sometimes confirmation codes for orders of stuff that I can copy/paste. Anything short term (like 3 months or less) ends up on paper because I have an addiction to colourful pens and writing things with them. (I think I own over 100 G2s now!

)

When Trump is president, pens will be banned and I will have to switch over to .txt files instead of the stack of scrap papers I have on my desk.

# ? Jun 24, 2016 05:00

Nolan Arenado: May 8, 2009

Vacation Tenzin posted:

I do it too, but mostly for long term World of Warcraft notes I need to keep or sometimes confirmation codes for orders of stuff that I can copy/paste. Anything short term (like 3 months or less) ends up on paper because I have an addiction to colourful pens and writing things with them. (I think I own over 100 G2s now! )

When Trump is president, pens will be banned and I will have to switch over to .txt files instead of the stack of scrap papers I have on my desk.

It never ceases to amaze me what people collect. I mean that in a nice way, liking things is cool and good. I have around 80 authentic major league/minor league baseball caps. :shrug:

# ? Jun 24, 2016 05:08

escalator incident: Oct 1, 2005; Sorry for the convenience.; Fun Shoe

******************************************************************************
FILE: $RCSfile: 00readme.txt,v $
$Revision: 3.71 $
$Date: 1996/08/18 20:38:55 $
******************************************************************************

An 8-bit Implementation of BibTeX 0.99 with a Very Large Capacity
=================================================================

Contents
--------

0. Abstract

1. Introduction
1.1 8-bit Character Set Support
1.2 Big and Customisable Capacity

2. Distribution Kits and Where to Find Them
2.1 bt371dos.zip
2.2 bt371os2.zip
2.3 bt371src.zip
2.4 bt371csf.zip

3. Running 8-bit BibTeX
3.1 Command line options
3.2 Finding Files
3.3 Environment variables

4. The Codepage and Sort Order (CS) File
4.1 CS file syntax
4.2 Testing a CS file
4.3 Sharing your CS file

5. Building 8-bit BibTeX from Source Code
5.1 DOS
5.2 OS/2
5.3 Unix
5.4 VMS

6. Reporting Bugs and Requesting Improvements
6.1 Contacting the authors
6.2 Further enhancements

7. Frequently Asked Questions

8. Acknowledgements

9. BibTeX Use and Copying Conditions

10. Change Log

0. Abstract
-----------

This abstract is in a format suitable for inclusion in BBS description files
(file_id.diz):

(v3.71) "big" BibTeX with full 8-bit support

An enhanced, portable C version of BibTeX.
Enhanced by conversion to "big" (32-bit)
capacity, addition of run-time selectable
capacity and 8-bit support extensions.
National character set and sorting order
are controlled by an external configuration
file. Various examples are included.
Freeware / GNU Public Licence.

Niel Kempson <kempson@snowyowl.co.uk>
Alejandro Aguilar-Sierra <asierra@servidor.unam.mx>

1. Introduction
----------------

8-bit BibTeX is an enhanced, portable C version of BibTeX 0.99. It has been
enhanced in these areas:

- conversion to "big" (32-bit) capacity
- capacity selectable at run time
- flexible support for non-English languages using 8-bit character sets
- well matched to LateX2e and its "inputenc" package

Oren Patashnik, the creator of BibTeX, is working on a new BibTeX 1.0 that
will be a modern implementation supporting large capacities and non-English
languages (see TUGboat, pages 269--274, volume 15, number 3, September 1994).
He is content for this version to be released, but hopes that people will
eventually migrate to BibTeX 1.0 when it is released. Its release date is
uncertain at the moment.

1.1 Big and Customisable Capacity
---------------------------------

The original 16-bit code has been rewritten to use 32-bit data types
wherever possible. The result is a very large potential capacity. To
increase flexibility and to avoid BibTeX allocating all available memory,
the capacity of some key arrays can be set on the command line.

For convenience, several standard capacities have been predefined:
default, big and huge. The key capacities are set as follows:

Parameter Standard --big --huge --wolfgang
------------------------------------------------------------
Hash_Prime 4,253 8,501 16,319 30,011
Hash_Size 5,000 10,000 19,000 35,000
Max_Cites 750 2,000 5,000 7,500
Max_Ent_Ints 3,000 4,000 5,000 7,500
Max_Ent_Strs 3,000 6,000 10,000 10,000
Max_Fields 17,250 30,000 85,000 125,000
Max_Strings 4,000 10,000 19,000 30,000
Pool_Size 65,530 130,000 500,000 750,000
Wiz_Fn_Space 3,000 6,000 10,000 10,000

If these parameter names mean nothing to you, don't worry, you've
probably never exceeded BibTeX's capacity.

1.2 8-bit Character Set Support
-------------------------------

BibTeX now accepts 8-bit characters in its input files and writes 8-bit
characters to its output files. The character set is defined by an
external configuration text file - the codepage and sort order ("CS")
file.

The sort order can be defined for the language and character set. For
example, in German, the control sequence \"o (o umlaut) should be sorted
as if it were the letter "o", but after ordinary "o", leading to this
order:

Trofer, Tr\"ofer, Trufer

However, in Swedish, \"o (o umlaut) is treated as the 29th letter of the
alphabet and these entries would be sorted as:

Trofer, Trufer, Tr\"ofer

The sorting order is defined by an external configuration text file -
the codepage and sort order ("CS") file.

This version of BibTeX, coupled with LaTeX2e and its "inputenc" package
provide a robust means of handling 8-bit character sets.

2. Distribution Kits and Where to Find Them
--------------------------------------------

8-bit BibTeX is distributed as a set of ZIP files created by the freely
available implementation of ZIP by the Info-ZIP project. The files have all
been compressed using the new "deflation" algorithm and can only be
compressed using the Info-ZIP implementation of UNZIP, or PKUNZIP v2.04 or
later. Ancient versions of PKUNZIP (e.g. v1.10) will not be able to unZIP
the files and will complain with a message like: "PKUNZIP: Warning! I don't
know how to handle: xxxxxxxx.xxx".

The "official" version of 8-bit BibTeX will be available by anonymous FTP
from the Comprehensive TeX Archive Network (CTAN) sites:

ftp.tex.ac.uk:/tex-archive/biblio/bibtex/8-bit
ftp.uni-stuttgart.de:/tex-archive/biblio/bibtex/8-bit

There are four main ZIP files in the complete 8-bit BibTeX distribution:

bt###dos.zip bt###os2.zip bt###src.zip bt###csf.zip

where ### is the latest version, currently 371 (for v3.71). Their contents
and purpose are summarised below.

2.1 bt371dos.zip
----------------

The binary + documentation kit for MS-DOS users. It contains all you
need to run 8-bit BibTeX under MS-DOS, but no source code. The
executable program uses a 32-bit virtual memory extender called EMX to
run in 32-bit mode. emTeX is probably the most comprehensive and capable
implementation of TeX for DOS & OS/2 and it too uses EMX.

The kit contains these files:

00readme.txt this file
COPYING GNU copyright notice
HISTORY summary of changes made so far
csfile.txt documentation for codepage and sort order
("CS") files
msdos/bibtex.exe the 8-bit BibTeX program

EMX uses the VCPI mechanism to run in 32-bit mode and will therefore not
run in a DOS session under MS Windows. It will run under native DOS and
in a DOS session under OS/2. The EMX extender (v0.9b) is bound into
bibtex.exe, but you can always obtain the latest version of EMX by
anaonymous FTP from:

ftp.uni-stuttgart.de:/pub/systems/os2/emx-0.9b
ftp.leo.org:/pub/comp/os/os2/gnu/emx+gcc

If you want to run this version of BibTeX in a DOS session under MS
Windows, you have two choices:

- get and install the RSX extender. RSX is a DPMI-compliant DOS
extender which is more or less compatible with emx. It is compatible
with EMX, DPMI servers and DOS sessions under MS Windows. The
official site for the latest version of RSX is

ftp.uni-bielefeld.de:/pub/systems/msdos/misc

but you can also get it by anonymous FTP from the same CTAN sites as
BibTeX:

ftp.tex.ac.uk:/tex-archive/systems/msdos/dpmigcc
ftp.uni-stuttgart.de:/tex-archive/systems/msdos

The files to look for are dpmigcc5.zip and rsxwin3a.zip

If you use the emTeX implementation of TeX and friends, it may be
more convenient to get the "emxrsx" package - it's a minimal version
of RSX to allow emTeX to run in DOS sessions under MS Windows. It is
available by anonymous FTP from CTAN sites in the emTeX directory:

ftp.tex.ac.uk:/tex-archive/systems/msdos/emtex
ftp.uni-stuttgart.de:/tex-archive/systems/msdos/emtex

On the other hand, if you're using emTeX under MS Windows, you've
probably solved the problem already :-)

- get the djgpp GNU C compiler and DOS extender package and build
BibTeX from the source code. The master site for djgpp is
ftp.delorie.com.

2.2 bt371os2.zip
----------------

The binary + documentation kit for OS/2 2.x and 3.x users. It contains
all you need to run 8-bit BibTeX under OS/2, but no source code. The
executable program was developed using the EMX development system and has
its run-time library linked in - there is no need to install EMX just to
run BibTeX. If you already have EMX installed want a smaller executable,
you'll need to rebuild from sources.

The kit contains these files:

00readme.txt this file
COPYING GNU copyright notice
HISTORY summary of changes made so far
csfile.txt documentation for codepage and sort order
("CS") files
os2/bibtex.exe the 8-bit BibTeX program

2.3 bt371src.zip
----------------

The complete source code kit to build 8-bit BibTeX on all supported
systems. The source code is known to build easily under MS-DOS and OS/2
if you have the GNU C Compiler installed. The source code is quite
portable and contains almost no system-specific items - it should very
easily port to Unix or VMS. If you decide to port 8-bit BibTeX to
another platform, please let me know so that I can include your efforts
in the master distribution.

The source kit contains these files:

00readme.txt this file
COPYING GNU copyright notice
HISTORY summary of changes made so far
csfile.txt documentation for codepage and sort order
("CS") files

bibtex.h definition of global parameters and limits
datatype.h definition of custom data types
gblprocs.h forward declaration of all global functions
gblvars.h declaration of global variables
sysdep.h determine the compiler and environment

bibtex.c main source including system dependent code
bibtex-1.c part 1 of the system independent functions
bibtex-2.c part 2 of the system independent functions
bibtex-3.c part 3 of the system independent functions
bibtex-4.c part 4 of the system independent functions

utils.c nearly all of the enhancement code
utils.h

getopt.c the GNU getopt package for command line parsing
getopt1.c
getopt.h

dos-emx.mak makefile for EMX GNU C under MS-DOS
dos-dj.mak makefile for DJGPP GNU C under MS-DOS
os2.mak makefile for EMX GNU C under OS/2
unix.mak makefile for Unix variants

2.4 bt371csf.zip
----------------

The character set and sorting order is now defined by an external
configuration text file - the codepage and sort order ("CS") file. A
number of example files have been included with the master distribution,
but I hope that others will be written by 8-bit BibTeX users in due
course. To avoid the need to reissue to the master ZIP files every time
a new CS file is created, CS files will also be available as a separate
kit.

At the time of writing, the kit contains these CS files:

File Name Character Set Sorting Order
-------------------------------------------------------------
88591lat.csf ISO 8859-1 Latin
88591sca.csf ISO 8859-1 Scandinavean
ascii.csf US ASCII English
cp437lat.csf IBM codepage 437 Latin
cp850lat.csf IBM codepage 850 Latin
cp850sca.csf IBM codepage 850 Scandinavean
cp866rus.csf IBM codepage 866 Russian

3. Running 8-bit BibTeX
------------------------

Running 8-bit BibTeX is superficially the same as running the original
BibTeX, but there are quite a number of command line options that may be
specified.

3.1 Command line options
------------------------

The command line syntax is:

bibtex [options] aux-file

where "aux-file" is the name of the TeX auxilliary output file to be
processed by BibTeX. The trailing ".aux" may be omitted.

Valid options are:

-? --help

Display some brief help text and then exit.

-7 --traditional

Operate in the original 7-bit mode. A CS file is not read:
only 7-bit ASCII characters are supported and sorting is
strictly by ASCII code value.

BibTeX will not allow you to specify --traditional with
either the --8bit or --csfile option.

-8 --8bit

Force 8-bit mode. A CS file is not read. All 8-bit
characters (code > 127) are treated as letters and sorting is
strictly by code page value.

BibTeX will not allow you to specify --8bit with either the
--csfile or --traditional option.

-c --csfile FILE

Read FILE as the BibTeX codepage and sort definition (CS)
file. The CS file is used to define the 8-bit character set
used by BibTeX and the order in which those characters should
be sorted.

BibTeX will not allow you to specify --csfile with either
the --8bit or --traditional option.

-d --debug TYPE

Report debugging information to the BibTeX log file and the
standard error device. The value TYPE controls the type of
debugging information reported. TYPE can be one or more of:

all - all debugging categories
csf - CS file processing
io - file I/O
mem - memory allocation and capacity
misc - other debugging information
search - path searching and file location

It is possible that your version of BibTeX has been compiled
with debugging support disabled. If this is the case, BibTeX
will issue a warning message when --debug is specified.

-s --statistics

Report internal statistics to the BibTeX log file.

It is possible that your version of BibTeX has been compiled
with statistics support disabled. If this is the case,
BibTeX will issue a warning message when --statistics is
specified.

-t --trace

Report execution tracing to the BibTeX log file.

It is possible that your version of BibTeX has been compiled
with tracing support disabled. If this is the case, BibTeX
will issue a warning message when --trace is specified.

-v --version

Report BibTeX's version and then exit.

-B --big

Set BibTeX's capacity to "big". The size of particular
parameters will be set as follows (the default sizes are
shown in brackets):

Hash_Prime 8,501 (4,253)
Hash_Size 10,000 (5,000)
Max_Cites 2,000 (750)
Max_Ent_Ints 4,000 (3,000)
Max_Ent_Strs 6,000 (3,000)
Max_Fields 30,000 (17,250)
Max_Strings 10,000 (4,000)
Pool_Size 130,000 (65,530)
Wiz_Fn_Space 6,000 (3,000)

-H --huge

Set BibTeX's capacity to "huge". The size of particular
parameters will be set as follows (the default sizes are
shown in brackets):

Hash_Prime 16,319 (4,253)
Hash_Size 19,000 (5,000)
Max_Cites 5,000 (750)
Max_Ent_Ints 5,000 (3,000)
Max_Ent_Strs 10,000 (3,000)
Max_Fields 85,000 (17,250)
Max_Strings 19,000 (4,000)
Pool_Size 500,000 (65,530)
Wiz_Fn_Space 10,000 (3,000)

-W --wolfgang

Set BibTeX's capacity to "really huge" - required for
Wolfgang's PhD thesis. The size of particular parameters
will be set as follows (the default sizes are shown in
brackets):

Hash_Prime 30,011 (4,253)
Hash_Size 35,000 (5,000)
Max_Cites 7,500 (750)
Max_Ent_Ints 7,500 (3,000)
Max_Ent_Strs 10,000 (3,000)
Max_Fields 125,000 (17,250)
Max_Strings 30,000 (4,000)
Pool_Size 750,000 (65,530)
Wiz_Fn_Space 10,000 (3,000)

-M --min_crossrefs ##

Set min_crossrefs to ##. If an item is cross-referenced at
least ## times, it will be placed in the list of citations,
even if it is not explicitly \cited as a reference. The
default value is 2.

--mcites ##

Allow a maximum of ## distinct \cites in the .aux files.
This number must be less than the maximum number of strings
(settable with --mstrings).

--mentints ##

Allow a maximum of ## integer entries in the .bib databases.

--mentstrs ##

Allow a maximum of ## string entries in the .bib databases.

--mfields ##

Allow a maximum of ## fields in the .bib databases.

--mpool ##

Set the string pool to ## bytes.

--mstrings ##

Allow a maximum of ## unique strings. This number must be
less than the hash size and greater than the maximum number
of \cites (settable with --mcites).

--mwizfuns ##

Allow a maximum of ## wizard functions.

3.2 Finding Files
-----------------

8-bit BibTeX looks for input files in three different steps as summarised
below. As soon as 8-bit BibTeX finds a matching file, it stops looking
(i.e. only the first matching file is used). In order, the three steps
are:

- look for the file in the current working directory.

- if the appropriate environment variable has been set (e.g. BSTINPUT),
treat its value as a list of directories to be searched. Look for the
file in each of the directories in the list.

- if the appropriate environment variable (e.g. BSTINPUT) has not been
set, use a predefined "fallback" path as a list of directories to be
searched.

A search list consists of a number of directories separated by a delimiter
(semicolons for MS-DOS & OS/2, colons for Unix and commas for VMS).

As distributed, the strategy adopted by 8-bit BibTeX for opening specific
file types is

.aux files

- look in current working directory only

.bib (BibTeX database) files

- look in current working directory
- search along path defined by environment variable BIBINPUT
- search along fallback path (empty by default)

.bst (BibTeX style) files

- look in current working directory
- search along path defined by environment variable BSTINPUT
- search along fallback path (empty by default)

.csf (CS) files

- look in current working directory
- search along path defined by environment variable CSFINPUT
- search along fallback path (empty by default)

The name of the CS file is determined using a number of steps

- use value of --csfile command line option,
- use value of the BIBTEX_CSFILE environment variable
- use fallback CS file name (empty by default)

Output files

All of BibTeX's output (.bbl, .blg) files are created in the
current working directory.

The environment variables and fallback paths used by 8-bit BibTeX are
defined in the Makefile and set at compile time, but you can determine
what your version of 8-bit BibTeX is using by starting it with the command
line

bibtex --debug=search non-existent-file-name

The debugging output (written to the standard error device) should look
something like:

D-SCH: Search strategy for .aux files:
D-SCH: search path environment variable: <undefined>
D-SCH: fallback search path: <undefined>
D-SCH: Search strategy for .bib files:
D-SCH: search path environment variable: BIBINPUT
D-SCH: BIBINPUT value: e:\usr\c\bibtex
D-SCH: fallback search path: e:/usr/latex/bibtex;e:/emtex/bibtex/bib
D-SCH: Search strategy for .bst files:
D-SCH: search path environment variable: BSTINPUT
D-SCH: BSTINPUT value: <undefined>
D-SCH: fallback search path: e:/usr/latex/bibtex;e:/emtex/bibtex/bst
D-SCH: Search strategy for .csf files:
D-SCH: search path environment variable: CSFINPUT
D-SCH: CSFINPUT value: e:\usr\c\bibtex
D-SCH: fallback search path: e:/usr/latex/bibtex;e:/emtex/bibtex/csf
D-SCH: Default .csf file:
D-SCH: file name environment variable: BIBTEX_CSFILE
D-SCH: BIBTEX_CSFILE value: e:/emtex/texinput/cp437lat.csf
D-SCH: fallback file name: cp850lat.csf

The current working directory will always be searched, even if the
environment variable and fallback paths have not been specified (e.g. as
for .aux files in the above example).

If the default behaviour is not to your liking, you will need to rebuild
8-bit BibTeX from its source code (see section 5).

3.3 Environment variables
-------------------------

As supplied, 8-bit BibTeX uses a number of environment variables:

BIBINPUT search path for database (.bib) files
BSTINPUT search path for style (.bst) files
CSFINPUT search path for CS (.csf) files
BIBTEX_CSFILE the default CS file
TMP directory for virtual memory files (DOS only)

The name of the environment variables used may be changed (in the
Makefile) when BibTeX is built. See the appropriate Makefile for your
environment and remember that you can use the "--debug=search" command
line option to reveal the environment variables used by your version of
8-bit BibTeX (see previous section).

All environment variables used as a search list (BIBINPUT, BSTINPUT &
CSFINPUT) can be set to a number of separate directories, separated
by a delimiter (semicolons for MS-DOS & OS/2, colons for Unix and
commas for VMS).

Examples for MS-DOS and OS/2 are:

SET BIBINPUT=e:\data\tex\bibtex;c:\emtex\bibtex\bib
SET BSTINPUT=e:\data\tex\bibtex;c:\emtex\bibtex\bst
SET CSFINPUT=e:\data\tex\bibtex
SET BIBTEX_CSFILE=c:\data\tex\bibtex\cp850lat.csf

Examples for Unix:

setenv BIBINPUT /u/kempson/bibtex:/usr/local/lib/tex/bib-files
setenv BSTINPUT /u/kempson/bibtex:/usr/local/lib/tex/bst-files
setenv CSFINPUT /u/kempson/bibtex:/usr/local/lib/tex/csf-files
setenv BIBTEX_CSFILE /usr/local/lib/tex/csf-files/88591lat.csf

Examples for VMS:

define BIBINPUT "sys$login:,disk$tex:[bibtex.bib-files]"
define BSTINPUT "sys$login:,disk$tex:[bibtex.bst-files]"
define CSFINPUT "sys$login:,disk$tex:[bibtex.csf-files]"
define BIBTEX_CSFILE disk$tex:[bibtex.csf-files]88951lat.csf

4. The Codepage and Sort Order (CS) File
-----------------------------------------

The Codepage and Sort definition (CS) file is used to define the 8-bit
character set used by BibTeX and the order in which those characters should
be sorted.

Please see the associated csfile.txt for details of CS file syntax and
guidelines for testing new CS files. NOTE: it contains many 8-bit characters
and may cause problems if you try to display or print it on 7-bit systems
(e.g. older versions of Unix).

5. Building 8-bit BibTeX from Source Code
------------------------------------------

The 8-bit BibTeX source is fairly standard ANSI C with almost no system
specific code. It should therefore be relatively straightforward to build it
in a different environment if you have GNU C or an ANSI C compiler.

A number of Makefiles have been provided to build 8-bit BibTeX from source
code:

dos-emx.mak makefile for EMX GNU C under MS-DOS
dos-dj.mak makefile for DJGPP GNU C under MS-DOS
os2.mak makefile for EMX GNU C under OS/2
unix.mak makefile for Unix variants

Whichever Makefile you use, you need to check that the "local definitions"
are appropriate for your system. There are three small sections to
customise:

BibTeX File Searching

- specifies the names of environment variables and paths to be used when
searching for input files

Utility Programs

- specifies the names of programs to be used for simple functions

Compiler/Linker

- specifies compiler/linker command lines

If your system is already supported it should not be necessary to modify any
part of the Makefile except these three sections.

Brief notes for specific environments follow.

5.1 DOS
-------

8-bit BibTeX has been built and tested using the EMX and DJGPP
development environments. Both are based on GNU C with their own
custom 32-bit extenders.

5.2 OS/2
--------

The EMX development environment is supported.

5.3 Unix
--------

Most variants of Unix supporting GNU C should be capable of building
and running 8-bit BibTeX.

5.4 VMS
-------

The authors have not built or tested this version of 8-bit BibTeX on
VMS, but see no reason why it shouldn't compile and run successfully
if GNU C is installed on the system. (The only system-dependent code
in 8-bit BibTeX concerns file opening and provision has been made for
VMS file modes.)

If you have GNU C installed, we recommend starting with a copy of the
unix.mak Makefile and customising it for VMS. If you successfully
get 8-bit BibTeX running under VMS, *please* let the authors know how
you did it.

6. Reporting Bugs and Requesting Improvements
----------------------------------------------

Where possible, we will try to fix bugs and will consider requests for
improvements. If you are reporting a bug, please provide as much information
as possible (e.g. operating environment, 8-bit BibTeX version and source,
exact error message and the offending files if possible).

The most common message is of the form "BibTeX doesn't work on XXXX". This
is generally of no help in debugging a problem so please provide as much
information as possible.

6.1 Contacting the authors
--------------------------

The authors are

Niel Kempson
Snowy Owl Systems Limited, Cheltenham, England
E-mail: kempson@snowyowl.co.uk

and

Alejandro Aguilar-Sierra
Centro de Ciencias de la Atm\'osfera,
Universidad Nacional Aut\'onoma de M\'exico, M\'exico
E-mail: asierra@servidor.unam.mx

Niel Kempson did the original manual translation from WEB to C,
conversion to "big" (32-bit) capacity, addition of run-time selectable
capacity and part of the 8-bit support extensions. He intermittently
maintains the master version of the source code.

Alejandro Aguilar-Sierra should take the credit for most of the 8-bit
function provided by this version of BibTeX.

6.2 Further Enhancements
------------------------

No program is perfect and this version of BibTeX is no exception to that
rule. Some known weaknesses are:

- the 8-bit support is currently limited to single 8-bit characters.
TeX control sequences (e.g. \'{A}) are not interpreted and treated in
the same way as the equivalent 8-bit character.

- it is not possible to redefine the lower 128 character codes. This
excludes support for character codes not built on ASCII (e.g. EBCDIC).

Future enhancements will be considered, but it may be time to build a
"proper" system built from the ground up to handle 8-bit character
sets. BibTeX 1.0 promises to be this system.

Other items that ought to be on the "to do" list:

- path searching using Karl Berry's kpathsea package
- TeX format documentation
- Unix man pages
- OS/2 .inf format documentation
- native 32-bit support for MS Windows 95/NT

7. Frequently Asked Questions
------------------------------

When I run the DOS version 8-bit BibTeX in a DOS window under MS Windows 3.x,
95 or NT, I get the message "DPMI not supported".

8-bit BibTeX has been built using the EMX development environment. It
uses the VCPI mechanism to run in 32-bit mode and will therefore not run
in a DOS session under MS Windows.

If you want to run this version of 8-bit BibTeX in a DOS session under
MS Windows, you have two choices:

- get and install the RSX extender
- rebuild from sources using a suitable compiler

See section 2.1 for more information.

8-bit BibTeX doesn't find my .bib/.bst files. How can I find out where it
looks for them?

See section 3.2

There isn't a CS file for my character set / language sorting order

Creating a new CS file should be relatively straightforward. If you'd
like to try, please contact the authors for assistance. If you don't
need assistance, *please* let us have a copy of your finished CS file so
we can include it in the distribution.

8. Acknowledgement
-------------------

The original BibTeX was written by Oren Patashnik using Donald Knuth's WEB
system. This format produces a PASCAL program for execution and a TeX
documented version of the source code. This program started as a (manual)
translation of the WEB source into C.

9. BibTeX Use and Copying Conditions
-------------------------------------

The programs currently being distributed that relate to 8-bit BibTeX are
*free*; this means that everyone may use them and redistribute them freely.
The 8-bit BibTeX-related programs are not in the public domain; they are
copyrighted and there are restrictions on their distribution, but these
restrictions are designed to permit everything that a good cooperating
citizen would want to do. What is not allowed is to try to prevent others
from further sharing any version of these programs that they might get from
you.

Specifically, we want to make sure that you have the right to give away
copies of the programs that relate to 8-bit BibTeX, that you receive source
code or else can get it if you want it, that you can change these programs or
use pieces of them in new free programs, and that you know you can do these
things.

To make sure that everyone has such rights, we have to forbid you to deprive
anyone else of these rights. For example, if you distribute copies of the
8-bit BibTeX related programs, you must give the recipients all the rights
that you have. You must make sure that they, too, receive or can get the
source code. And you must tell them their rights.

Also, for our own protection, we must make certain that everyone finds out
that there is no warranty for the programs that relate to 8-bit BibTeX. If
these programs are modified by someone else and passed on, we want their
recipients to know that what they have is not what we distributed, so that
any problems introduced by others will not reflect on our reputation.

The precise conditions of the licences for the programs currently being
distributed that relate to 8-bit BibTeX are found in the General Public
Licences that accompany them.

10. Change Log
---------------

$Log: 00readme.txt,v $
Revision 3.71 1996/08/18 20:38:55 kempson
Official release 3.71 (see HISTORY for details).

Revision 3.70 1996/04/29 20:17:53 kempson
Final documentation & cosmetic changes for official release 3.70.

Revision 1.2 1995/10/21 22:23:01 kempson
Updated for v3.60 beta. Added description of --wolfgang option.
Added some more information on running BibTeX in a Windows DOS session.
Changed the example of CSF debugging output to something that is correct.

Revision 1.1 1995/09/24 20:50:00 kempson
Updated for the final beta test release.

Revision 1.0 1995/09/24 20:42:30 kempson
Placed under RCS control

******************************** END OF FILE *******************************

# ? Jun 24, 2016 05:25

Hogge Wild: Aug 21, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Pillbug

A ILL BREAKFAST posted:

its a document full of phone numbers of friends and family, not gonna post that here

here it is:

# ? Jun 24, 2016 07:09

Haier: Aug 10, 2007; by Lowtax

I had to use the search function since I have 100+ folders in my documents. According to date, it is this:

code:

�������������������������������������������������������������������������ͻ
�                <<<<  Disk #826 ADVENTURE ADDICTION  >>>>                �
�������������������������������������������������������������������������͹
� To copy the documentation for QUEST OF KUKULCAN to your printer type;   �
�                             MANUAL  (press enter)                       �
�                                                                         �
� To copy the documentation for UNDER THE ICE to your printer type;       �
�                      COPY ICEWORDS.DOC PRN (press enter)                �
�                                                                         �
� To copy the documentation for BRAMINAR to your printer type;            �
�                      COPY BRAMINAR.DOC PRN (press enter)                �
�                                                                         �
� To start QUEST OF KUKULCAN type; QUEST (press enter)                    �
� To start UNDER THE ICE type; UNDER (press enter)                        �
� To start BRAMINAR type; BRAMINAR (press enter)                          �
� To start PALACE QUEST type; PALAD (press enter)                         �
� To start GYMNASIUM type; GYMAD (press enter)                            �
�������������������������������������������������������������������������ͼ

# ? Jun 24, 2016 07:58

Neurion: Jun 3, 2013; The musical fruit
The more you eat
The more you hoot

code:

Exported function '_KIDSOFT_MVENDORREGISTER'
000005BE 8CD8                     MOV AX,DS
000005C0 90                       NOP 
000005C1 45                       INC BP
000005C2 55                       PUSH BP
000005C3 8BEC                     MOV BP,SP
000005C5 1E                       PUSH DS
000005C6 8ED8                     MOV DS,AX
000005C8 83EC12                   SUB SP,byte 0x12
000005CB 57                       PUSH DI
000005CC 56                       PUSH SI
000005CD FF7608                   PUSH word [BP+0x08]
000005D0 FF7606                   PUSH word [BP+0x06]
000005D3 C45E0A                   LES BX,[BP+0x0A]
000005D6 26FF5F18                 CALL word far[ES:BX+0x18]
000005DA 8946FA                   MOV word [BP-0x06],AX
000005DD 8956FC                   MOV word [BP-0x04],DX
000005E0 FF7618                   PUSH word [BP+0x18]
000005E3 FF7616                   PUSH word [BP+0x16]
000005E6 C45E0A                   LES BX,[BP+0x0A]
000005E9 26FF5F18                 CALL word far[ES:BX+0x18]
000005ED 8946F6                   MOV word [BP-0x0A],AX
000005F0 8956F8                   MOV word [BP-0x08],DX
000005F3 FF7614                   PUSH word [BP+0x14]
000005F6 FF7612                   PUSH word [BP+0x12]
000005F9 C45E0A                   LES BX,[BP+0x0A]
000005FC 26FF5F18                 CALL word far[ES:BX+0x18]
00000600 8946F0                   MOV word [BP-0x10],AX
00000603 8956F2                   MOV word [BP-0x0E],DX
00000606 FF7610                   PUSH word [BP+0x10]
00000609 FF760E                   PUSH word [BP+0x0E]
0000060C C45E0A                   LES BX,[BP+0x0A]
0000060F 26FF5F18                 CALL word far[ES:BX+0x18]
00000613 8946EC                   MOV word [BP-0x14],AX
00000616 8956EE                   MOV word [BP-0x12],DX
00000619 C47EF6                   LES DI,[BP-0x0A]             // start counting the length of passed variable 'regcode'  
0000061C B9FFFF                   MOV CX,word 0xFFFF           // set counter to max
0000061F 33C0                     XOR AX,AX                    // set AL to 0, so we're counting until we reach a null
00000621 F2AE                     repne SCASB                  // repeat until we encounter 0x00
00000623 F7D1                     NOT CX                       // invert the count
00000625 49                       DEC CX                       // decrement by 1
00000626 83F90E                   CMP CX,byte 0x0E             // check if 'regcode' is 14 bytes long
00000629 7403                     JE 0x0000062E                // jump past following instruction if it is
0000062B E94001                   JMP 0x0000076E
Jump from 0x00000629
0000062E 6A20                     PUSH byte 0x20
00000630 06                       PUSH ES
00000631 FF76F6                   PUSH word [BP-0x0A]
00000634 9ABC404606               CALL 0x0646:0x000040BC
00000639 83C406                   ADD SP,byte 0x06
0000063C 0BD0                     OR DX,AX
0000063E 7403                     JE 0x00000643
00000640 E92B01                   JMP 0x0000076E
Jump from 0x0000063E
00000643 9A38425A06               CALL 0x065A:0x00004238
00000648 8946F4                   MOV word [BP-0x0C],AX
0000064B C45EFA                   LES BX,[BP-0x06]
0000064E 268A4714                 MOV AL,byte [ES:BX+0x14]
00000652 98                       CBW 
00000653 2D4000                   SUB AX,word 0x0040
00000656 50                       PUSH AX
00000657 9A62426B06               CALL 0x066B:0x00004262
0000065C 83C402                   ADD SP,byte 0x02
0000065F 3DFFFF                   CMP AX,word 0xFFFF
00000662 7E0E                     JLE 0x00000672
00000664 1E                       PUSH DS
00000665 68B600                   PUSH word 0x00B6
00000668 9AD2417806               CALL 0x0678:0x000041D2
0000066D 83C404                   ADD SP,byte 0x04
00000670 EB0B                     JMP 0x0000067D
Jump from 0x00000662
00000672 FF76F4                   PUSH word [BP-0x0C]
00000675 9A62421907               CALL 0x0719:0x00004262
0000067A 83C402                   ADD SP,byte 0x02
Jump from 0x00000670
0000067D FF76FC                   PUSH word [BP-0x04]
00000680 FF76FA                   PUSH word [BP-0x06]
00000683 FF760C                   PUSH word [BP+0x0C]
00000686 FF760A                   PUSH word [BP+0x0A]
00000689 0E                       PUSH CS
0000068A E8D3FD                   CALL 0x00000460
0000068D 83C408                   ADD SP,byte 0x08
00000690 0BC0                     OR AX,AX
00000692 7403                     JE 0x00000697
00000694 E9E100                   JMP 0x00000778
Jump from 0x00000692
00000697 FF76F2                   PUSH word [BP-0x0E]
0000069A FF76F0                   PUSH word [BP-0x10]
0000069D FF76EE                   PUSH word [BP-0x12]
000006A0 FF76EC                   PUSH word [BP-0x14]
000006A3 FF76F8                   PUSH word [BP-0x08]
000006A6 FF76F6                   PUSH word [BP-0x0A]
000006A9 8B46FA                   MOV AX,word [BP-0x06]
000006AC 8B56FC                   MOV DX,word [BP-0x04]
000006AF 051800                   ADD AX,word 0x0018
000006B2 52                       PUSH DX
000006B3 50                       PUSH AX
000006B4 6A01                     PUSH byte 0x01
000006B6 6A00                     PUSH byte 0x00
000006B8 6A00                     PUSH byte 0x00
000006BA 6A00                     PUSH byte 0x00
000006BC 6A00                     PUSH byte 0x00
000006BE C45EFA                   LES BX,[BP-0x06]
000006C1 26FFB7AA03               PUSH word [ES:BX+0x03AA]
000006C6 26FFB7A803               PUSH word [ES:BX+0x03A8]
000006CB 8BF0                     MOV SI,AX
000006CD 8BFA                     MOV DI,DX

Imported function 'VNDEXTPRODUCTREGISTER' from 'WVND154' used
000006CF 9AFFFF0000               CALL 0x0000:0x0000FFFF
000006D4 C45EFA                   LES BX,[BP-0x06]
000006D7 268987AC03               MOV word [ES:BX+0x03AC],AX
000006DC 8CC2                     MOV DX,ES
000006DE 57                       PUSH DI
000006DF 56                       PUSH SI
000006E0 8DBF1803                 LEA DI,[BX+0x0318]
000006E4 1E                       PUSH DS
000006E5 C576F6                   LDS SI,[BP-0x0A]
000006E8 B9FFFF                   MOV CX,word 0xFFFF
000006EB 33C0                     XOR AX,AX
000006ED F2AE                     repne SCASB 
000006EF F7D1                     NOT CX
000006F1 2BF9                     SUB DI,CX
000006F3 87FE                     XCHG SI,DI
000006F5 1E                       PUSH DS
000006F6 06                       PUSH ES
000006F7 1F                       POP DS
000006F8 07                       POP ES
000006F9 D1E9                     SHR CX,1
000006FB F3A5                     repe MOVSW 
000006FD 13C9                     ADC CX,CX
000006FF F3A4                     repe MOVSB 
00000701 1F                       POP DS
00000702 5E                       POP SI
00000703 5F                       POP DI
00000704 52                       PUSH DX
00000705 53                       PUSH BX
00000706 FF760C                   PUSH word [BP+0x0C]
00000709 FF760A                   PUSH word [BP+0x0A]
0000070C 0E                       PUSH CS
0000070D E848FE                   CALL 0x00000558
00000710 83C408                   ADD SP,byte 0x08
00000713 FF76F4                   PUSH word [BP-0x0C]
00000716 9A62422307               CALL 0x0723:0x00004262
0000071B 83C402                   ADD SP,byte 0x02
0000071E 57                       PUSH DI
0000071F 56                       PUSH SI
00000720 9AD2413900               CALL 0x0039:0x000041D2
00000725 83C404                   ADD SP,byte 0x04
00000728 FF76FC                   PUSH word [BP-0x04]
0000072B FF76FA                   PUSH word [BP-0x06]
0000072E FF760C                   PUSH word [BP+0x0C]
00000731 FF760A                   PUSH word [BP+0x0A]
00000734 0E                       PUSH CS
00000735 E828FD                   CALL 0x00000460
00000738 83C408                   ADD SP,byte 0x08
0000073B 8B46FA                   MOV AX,word [BP-0x06]
0000073E 8B56FC                   MOV DX,word [BP-0x04]
00000741 051803                   ADD AX,word 0x0318
00000744 52                       PUSH DX
00000745 50                       PUSH AX
00000746 8B46FA                   MOV AX,word [BP-0x06]
00000749 052703                   ADD AX,word 0x0327
0000074C 52                       PUSH DX
0000074D 50                       PUSH AX
0000074E 8B46FA                   MOV AX,word [BP-0x06]
00000751 056303                   ADD AX,word 0x0363
00000754 52                       PUSH DX
00000755 50                       PUSH AX
00000756 6A00                     PUSH byte 0x00
00000758 6A00                     PUSH byte 0x00
0000075A C45EFA                   LES BX,[BP-0x06]
0000075D 26FFB7AA03               PUSH word [ES:BX+0x03AA]
00000762 26FFB7A803               PUSH word [ES:BX+0x03A8]

Imported function 'VNDGETCUSTINFO' from 'WVND154' used
00000767 9A07080000               CALL 0x0000:0x00000807
0000076C EB0A                     JMP 0x00000778
Jump from 0x0000062B
Jump from 0x00000640
0000076E C45EFA                   LES BX,[BP-0x06]
00000771 26C787AC032600           MOV word [ES:BX+0x03AC],word 0x0026
Jump from 0x0000076C
Jump from 0x00000694
00000778 FF76FC                   PUSH word [BP-0x04]
0000077B FF76FA                   PUSH word [BP-0x06]
0000077E FF760C                   PUSH word [BP+0x0C]
00000781 FF760A                   PUSH word [BP+0x0A]
00000784 0E                       PUSH CS
00000785 E876FD                   CALL 0x000004FE
00000788 83C408                   ADD SP,byte 0x08
0000078B 8BF0                     MOV SI,AX
0000078D 8956F8                   MOV word [BP-0x08],DX
00000790 FF7608                   PUSH word [BP+0x08]
00000793 FF7606                   PUSH word [BP+0x06]
00000796 C45E0A                   LES BX,[BP+0x0A]
00000799 26FF5F1C                 CALL word far[ES:BX+0x1C]
0000079D FF7618                   PUSH word [BP+0x18]
000007A0 FF7616                   PUSH word [BP+0x16]
000007A3 C45E0A                   LES BX,[BP+0x0A]
000007A6 26FF5F1C                 CALL word far[ES:BX+0x1C]
000007AA 8BC6                     MOV AX,SI
000007AC 8B56F8                   MOV DX,word [BP-0x08]
000007AF 5E                       POP SI
000007B0 5F                       POP DI
000007B1 8D66FE                   LEA SP,[BP-0x02]
000007B4 1F                       POP DS
000007B5 5D                       POP BP
000007B6 4D                       DEC BP
000007B7 CA1400                   RETF word 0x0014

I'm a loving nerd

# ? Jun 24, 2016 08:11

Thin Privilege: Jul 8, 2009; IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT; Gravy Boat 2k

Same date & time

quote:

RANT TIME (Harry potter)

Harry Potter book release: don't worry, no spoilers.

Showed up at seven, in full costume for a nine am release. Devoted no? I was one of the few to dress up, and I was the best-dressed. I'm not being vain, I honestly had the most detailed and accurate costume there.
We were told in line, that the best-dressed person in line gets to open the box and have the first Half-Blood Prince book. So, I'm a shoo-in, aren't I?
WRONG.
loving moo brings her bratty sprog in at 8:59am dressed in a generic Kmart cape with stars and glitter and loving gaudy BLAH. Twig for a wand.

OMG WITTLE PWESHUS SO CUTE OMG YOU CAN OPEN THE BOX AND HAVE THIS BOOK YOU CAN'T READ AND *fawning fawning, blatant breederism etc*
THE loving KID WON'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS. THE BOX OPENING WAS MINE. MIIIIINE.

I wouldn't have minded if someone had said "Oh look Sass, you are best-dressed but would you mind if this land-mine amputee opened the box instead?" I would have said "Absolutely no problem. Go for it." But no. loving CROTCHDROPPING GETS THE HONOUR. I'm furious. On principle of course, not out of any sense of entitlement. Well yes, entitlement also. But I WORKED FOR IT, I DESERVED IT.
I made an effort. I spent money making an effort. I showed up early. I will remember and treasure this event for ever and eternity. And I'm passed over for an ugly little brat with a sparkly tie. Woo loving woo.
I didn't stab her in the eye with my wand. I WANTED to. I talked about doing so VERY loving LOUDLY. I was going to eviscerate her mother with the cover of my brand-new copy.

I loving hate breeders and child-lovers. loving GO TO HELL.
I'm so pissed about this, sorry. It's just that in ten years time, this kid won't remember what she was doing on July 16th 2005. In ten years time, I will be remembering how I was deprived of this nerdly honor by an opportunistic twat breeder and her shitling. I'm hurt. All my life, nothing has gotten to me more than being deliberately ignored, or passed over. Honestly; that's the sort of thing that can make me cry in public. Or key your car. Or viciously murder you and your family in the heat of frustration and never-ending denial Congratulations breeders, you win.

Edited to add: To all of you who are calling me immature etc, I'd like to add that you make a very good point, but have you considered GO gently caress YOURSELF? If you're so anal-retentive, go back to the other community and go on with your breeder-humping. Also, to the person who submitted this to fandom_wank, I seriously (no sarcasm) thank you. I've always wanted to be there!

Thin Privilege fucked around with this message at 08:21 on Jun 24, 2016

# ? Jun 24, 2016 08:18

Thin Privilege: Jul 8, 2009; IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT; Gravy Boat 2k

quote:

Beautiful whale story LOL
Delphine Fieberg

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

# ? Jun 24, 2016 08:21

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 08:09

Thin Privilege: Jul 8, 2009; IM A STUPID MORON WITH AN UGLY FACE AND A BIG BUTT AND MY BUTT SMELLS AND I LIKE TO KISS MY OWN BUTT; Gravy Boat 2k

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Thin Privilege fucked around with this message at 08:28 on Jun 24, 2016

# ? Jun 24, 2016 08:24

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