Me swimming in water 41 feet deep comfortably and relaxed.

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Me swimming in water 41 feet deep comfortably and relaxed.

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chippy: Aug 16, 2006; OK I DON'T GET IT

The Bananana posted:

I'm not familiar with the metric system

hint: surface area of a sphere

# ? Jul 15, 2016 14:21

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# ? May 7, 2024 22:10

FedEx Mercury: Jan 7, 2004; Me bad posting? That's unpossible!; Lipstick Apathy

How many metres of water is that?

# ? Jul 15, 2016 14:32

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

you don't look comfortable OR relaxed in that picture

was that the joke?

# ? Jul 15, 2016 14:41

Skeleton Ape: Dec 21, 2008

SpaceAceJase posted:

like 2 feet
around 2 feet

That's an alarming amount of imprecision. Is Uli OK? :ohdear:

# ? Jul 15, 2016 14:51

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

i got through water survival school without ever learning how to swim

# ? Jul 15, 2016 15:06

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

Gotta love Uli.

# ? Jul 15, 2016 15:08

The Bananana: May 21, 2008; This is a metaphor, a Christian allegory. The fact that I have to explain to you that Jesus is the Warthog, and the Banana is drepanocytosis is just embarrassing for you.

chippy posted:

hint: surface area of a sphere

π?

# ? Jul 15, 2016 15:10

BigBadSteve: Apr 29, 2009

A CISHET SHITLORD posted:

I do not understand this thread

Perhaps one or more of Uli's useful Tips and Tricks will help you parse it better:
http://www.ulillillia.us/tipsntricksindex.shtml

# ? Jul 15, 2016 15:49

tripwood: Jul 21, 2003; "Cuno can see you're trying to shit him, but Cuno's unshittable, so fuck does Cuno care?"

Hint: He doesn't care.

im glad hes doing ok bc i care about him but not enough to do anything besides read a thread about it

# ? Jul 15, 2016 16:02

skeemon: Aug 4, 2007; $ $ $T R A P L O R D $ $ $

***mud dreamz***

# ? Jul 15, 2016 16:07

crip drinkn milk: Jan 31, 2001; IS DOG VEGABLE?

I saw his sisters craigslist prozzie pics and now I can't enjoy reading about his lovely life without picturing her melted tits

# ? Jul 15, 2016 16:09

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970; Can't post for 4 hours!

On a picture I posted on Facebook Uli told me my smile is really good

# ? Jul 15, 2016 16:16

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Celluloid Sam posted:

On a picture I posted on Facebook Uli told me my smile is really good

D'awww

# ? Jul 15, 2016 16:33

chippy: Aug 16, 2006; OK I DON'T GET IT

Celluloid Sam posted:

On a picture I posted on Facebook Uli told me my smile is really good

He tells people that a lot. I think it's because he has no idea how to do one, it always comes out as some sort of twisted grimace.

# ? Jul 15, 2016 16:41

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

He is autistic and has trouble smiling I'm glad you noticed. I loving love Uli he is my friend

# ? Jul 15, 2016 18:11

A CISHET SHITLORD: Sep 10, 2014; LOURDE OF THE SHITS; Pillbug

Im going to assume this really is ulli, and all of you fuckers making fun of him should be ashamed. He is a godforsaken interwebs treasure

# ? Jul 15, 2016 20:13

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970; Can't post for 4 hours!

Captain Yossarian posted:

He is autistic and has trouble smiling I'm glad you noticed. I loving love Uli he is my friend

he actually isn't he is merely diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder please do not spread untruths about my good friend nick

# ? Jul 15, 2016 20:38

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

I didn't mean to spread false lore, sorry friend

I thought I read that on his official website

# ? Jul 15, 2016 20:51

Lolie: Jun 4, 2010; AUSGBS Thread Mum

Nah, Uli is off limits in most places which mock internet weirdos. He has a huge following because he's genuinely nice and because he's actively done something about the things which were limiting his life. Most people who follow him these days do so to cheer him on, not to mock him.

# ? Jul 15, 2016 21:03

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

i would take uli out for pizza cause anyone who likes plain cheese pizza w the grease blotted off is my dinner pal

# ? Jul 15, 2016 21:31

whoflungpoop: Sep 9, 2004; With you and the constellations

while eating our delicious pizza we could talk about

well i dont know what else id have in common w uli but he seems nice id just enjoy good pizza w a new weird friend

# ? Jul 15, 2016 21:35

LordArgh: Mar 17, 2009; Nap Ghost

uli is a smug rear end in a top hat who thinks he knows best, but he's actually a retard

# ? Jul 15, 2016 23:58

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

dude with a doobie avatar talkin bout ulilillukele

this is the gbs i love.

# ? Jul 16, 2016 00:21

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

Facebook Aunt posted:

You can do better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFnGhrC_3Gs

This is the real TED Talk on how he did it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bcmXiL4xE4

# ? Jul 16, 2016 00:46

let it mellow: Jun 1, 2000; Dinosaur Gum

does this dude have a job

# ? Jul 16, 2016 00:53

Dreddout: Oct 1, 2015; You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

LordArgh posted:

uli is a smug rear end in a top hat who thinks he knows best, but he's actually a retard

We should buy him an account than, he'll fit right in!

# ? Jul 16, 2016 00:53

nomadologique: Mar 9, 2011; DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO

he approaches things in a thorough and systematic way most of us could only dream

and he achieved a pretty top tier life goal. can you say the same?

# ? Jul 16, 2016 01:16

reallivedinosaur: Jun 13, 2012; Ogdober subrise! XDDD

ulililia makes better threads than gbs

# ? Jul 16, 2016 01:22

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Did you know he has supervision where he can see germs?

# ? Jul 16, 2016 01:23

SpaceAceJase: Nov 8, 2008; and you
have proved
to be...

a real shitty poster,
and a real james

quote:

The top 10 things I wish to do in my life as of July 7, 2016

Introduction
Although this list will change as things get crossed off, these are the sorts of things I have the most desire to do, as of July 7, 2016. Like most any other top 10 lists, I'm listing the order in reverse where number 1 is the last entry. There are tons of other things on my wish list, such as finishing and releasing Platform Masters as intended, going skydiving, going hiking, snorkeling, scuba diving, climbing a mountain, and several others.

The list
10. Go camping. While Triangle YMCA camp was the last time I actually went camping, back in July of 1998, it's been at least 25 years since the last time I did any traditional camping, using tents. It almost happened in 2000, but rainstorms got in the way and ended up canceling it. The great news? I'm actually doing this with my friend from Bismarck, ND (my nearest friend to me, 110 miles away) on July 9, 2016. This item may be crossed off the list very soon! As a small child, barely into elementary school, if even that old, you tend to not really remember things at all. Because I have no memories of it, it's almost certainly something earlier than 1993 that it last happened.
9. Explore the world. This is something I've only very recently started, but I'm only focusing on domestic stuff instead of international stuff, at least for now. Unless I get enough domestic travel experience, I'm not comfortable with going international. Still, the US is big. Where would I go for my first international destination? Either the Bahamas, Jamaica, or Australia. I'm leaning mostly toward Australia though as I have friends there and wouldn't need a hotel or the like. Plus, it would get me into the southern hemisphere where I could see the Sun in the northern sky instead of the southern sky.
8. Visit the Caribbean. Back when I was in 7th grade, my "evil teacher", as I called her due to how annoying she was, went to the Caribbean and I've always wanted to go since. I'm hearing a lot of great things about it, but there's one nasty catch: I need to get enough domestic travel experience to be comfortable enough with international travel and that's going to take several years and several domestic trips. Now, swimming in the Caribbean... hmm.
7. Get a normal job. Where I'm at, it's pretty much all but impossible for me to get a job. I stand no chance due to my limitations and the limitations imposed by the place I live. Because my confidence suffers a lot, I need something simple and basic. How basic? About the lowest of the low: cashiering is about the most favorable as it involves lots of numbers. If that's not it, then stocking shelves or janitorial stuff would be fine as well. I don't care much what the wages are (even $7.25 minimum wage is fine), I just want something to get started as I'm already 15 years behind. I've gotten jobs before, but they're always voluntary. I never get anything for actual pay. For starters, just to build much-needed confidence and experience that I'm so far behind on, I'm only after part time, like 25 hours a week. Not only would getting a job help me with my boredom (beyond just going to the beach), it could also lead to me getting local friends as jobs seem to be a common way to get them, get me more life experiences, and even provide me with financial security beyond what SSI could ever offer. However, for me to have any worthwhile chance at a job, I have to move out of ND for good and into a major city.
6. Swim with the manatees. At least one of my friends has done it and loved it. I've only seen manatees for the first time when I went to Florida and I was surprised how huge they were! However, doing this requires good skill with deep water. It's something quite high on my wishlist right now as it involves my number 1 most loved thing to do: swimming. Of course, there's also swimming with dolphins and swimming with sharks (I'd actually do the latter more than the former, but only if it's in one those shark cages).
5. Get a few local friends. I'm so used to being without local friends. I often need 5 or more years before I even get one. My nearest moderate friend right now is 110 miles away. Why so far? It's because I live in the middle of nowhere with no way to get out. However, I'd like not just one local friend, not 2 or even 3, but at least 4. From inviting my friends from afar over, that was my first taste on what it was like to hang out, something I don't get to do where I live. The best fix for this? Move to a major city.
4. See a reef up close in its natural environment. I have seen what reefs look like in aquariums, but I want to take it a step further. I'd like to dive down in the actual ocean to about 5 feet from the reef and see the reef in its natural environment. I have 3 known issues with this right now. First, the ocean I know is murky with poor visibility so seeing a reef is going to be very difficult, given a 5-foot visibility (the best I've seen). Second, reefs are protected. I don't know if I'll be allowed to see a reef. By "up close", I mean being like 5 feet away from it at the very closest. I wouldn't want to touch it at all (I'm too scared to anyway), just look only. Third, I'm not comfortable being in deep water right now. However, as per item number 3, it's something that I'm working on.
3. Master deep water swimming. With swimming being my number 1 most loved thing to do, but having never learned how outside thinking of the physics behind it, I never really got into deep water as I couldn't really handle it. I never understood how kicking provides propulsion, but once I learned that it does and that it's nearly 12 times faster than I used to be able to go (2 mph is nice compared to 3 inches per second), I'm now fully ready for deep water swimming. By deep water swimming, I mean being out in water so deep that you can't touch bottom without going under. My goal is to sustain being in deep water for at least 15 minutes, but I'd like to go 2 hours. I can already float for at least 5 minutes straight, tread for at least 5 minutes, and I have no idea how far or long I can kick as I haven't gotten an opportunity to test it. One huge goal would be swimming 1500 feet to an island from a shore. Another goal I have is diving under, say, 10 feet, swimming around at that depth for a bit, then surfacing. An extended goal would be 20 feet under. Of course, I wouldn't just right away go for those depths, I'd gradually work my way down.
2. Night Swimming. Floating on my back in the water looking up at the starry night sky under a cloudless sky. Oh what a dream that would be! It seems that 90% of my friends who enjoy swimming have done it but I haven't as I'm denied left and right. It combines 2 of my greatest interests - astronomy (the stars) and swimming. I got so close during my Florida trip but limitations upon limitations came up that took all the fun away making it not enjoyable any more so I had to quit... and I was just 10 minutes short of seeing the first stars. I would declare it as night swimming if I'm at least waist deep in the water for 15 minutes straight starting upon first being able to make out the Big Dipper.
1. Move out of ND for good. I came up with a list of 14 reasons why North Dakota is the wrong place for me, where only 2 minor reasons exist. I explained it in great detail here but to keep things short, ND has very little for me to do, it's isolated, I have no friends near me, I can't get a job here, winters are long and brutal, I have no worthwhile Internet, no reliable way to get around, swimming is a rarity, the root cause of my depression, and a few others. Astrophotography would be my biggest loss, but it's a sacrifice I'm totally willing to make to make my overall life far happier.

Conclusion
A lot of these generally involve water and swimming, but there's several others that don't involve the wet stuff. Some of them are basic life needs that are very difficult to even impossible to get because of the place I live being so prohibitive to me.
Edit #1: I forgot to link the reasons for why I want to move out of ND.

# ? Jul 16, 2016 02:21

SpaceAceJase: Nov 8, 2008; and you
have proved
to be...

a real shitty poster,
and a real james

Alright you got me. This is a uli thread.

He's really turned his life around in the past 12 months

# ? Jul 16, 2016 07:50

kazr: Jan 28, 2005

uli wished me a great time on my special day, my birthday and for that I love him

# ? Jul 16, 2016 08:18

chippy: Aug 16, 2006; OK I DON'T GET IT

Captain Yossarian posted:

He is autistic and has trouble smiling I'm glad you noticed. I loving love Uli he is my friend

You don't know poo poo about uli

# ? Jul 18, 2016 16:44

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Swimming is good and cool.

# ? Jul 18, 2016 16:50

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

SpaceAceJase posted:

He's really turned his life around in the past 12 months

I refuse to believe this

# ? Jul 18, 2016 17:24

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# ? May 7, 2024 22:10

A CRAB IRL: May 6, 2009; If you're looking for me, you better check under the sea

SpaceAceJase posted:

The top 10 things I wish to do in my life as of July 7, 2016

Damnit this is so :shobon:

You go Uli

# ? Jul 18, 2016 17:31

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Me swimming in water 41 feet deep comfortably and relaxed.

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