|
I've been searching, without success, for a good bit of poetry to read at my sister's wedding. She's requested I do a reading "with (your) special touch to it", by which she means something somewhat subversive and inappropriate. Yeah, I'm an anti-social failure. Anyway, I think it'd be at least mildly humorous to read your standard bit of love poetry glurge that everyone only half pays attention to, and then reveal at the end it was written by someone terrible. Hitler would be ideal, but he was pretty asexual, and not into poetry. Stalin was a decent poet in his early years, but I can only find 3 of his poems translated. Osama Bin Laden wrote a bunch of poems, but again, I can't find any English translations. Librarians have gone "Oh, that's funny", but haven't been able to come up with anything other than a book that isn't in our system. Can the power of goons help me?
|
#
?
Oct 1, 2016 23:38
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 20:19 |
|
|
just read baudelaire dude. he's vaguely romantic but also rife with corruption and sin, which is more tasteful and less sophomoric than reading bin laden at a wedding
chernobyl kinsman fucked around with this message at 03:06 on Oct 2, 2016 |
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2016 03:02
|
|
|
Please don't read Bin Laden poems at your sister's wedding OP.
|
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2016 03:15
|
|
|
She asked me to do something sophomoric though... and she's literally the person who married me to my husband. I want to do exactly what she wants me to do. Do you have any better ideas? I'm willing to listen.
|
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2016 04:29
|
|
|
Elliot Rodgers probably wrote some terrible love poems.
|
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2016 10:55
|
|
|
Domus posted:I've been searching, without success, for a good bit of poetry to read at my sister's wedding. She's requested I do a reading "with (your) special touch to it", by which she means something somewhat subversive and inappropriate. Yeah, I'm an anti-social failure. Anyway, I think it'd be at least mildly humorous to read your standard bit of love poetry glurge that everyone only half pays attention to, and then reveal at the end it was written by someone terrible. Hitler would be ideal, but he was pretty asexual, and not into poetry. Stalin was a decent poet in his early years, but I can only find 3 of his poems translated. Osama Bin Laden wrote a bunch of poems, but again, I can't find any English translations. Librarians have gone "Oh, that's funny", but haven't been able to come up with anything other than a book that isn't in our system. Can the power of goons help me? Stalin was a noble hero of the people so he doesn't fit your requirements in any case
|
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2016 11:27
|
|
|
Alternatively you could just write your own poem and then credit it to Idi Amin or whatever. Who's likely to check? Or just get a really debauched poem by a fairly innocuous poet. The Platonic Blow by W. H. Auden would be a good choice. Rush Limbo fucked around with this message at 11:48 on Oct 2, 2016 |
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2016 11:38
|
|
|
ayatollah khomeini wrote a whole bunch of ghazal poetry
|
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2016 14:47
|
|
|
ulvir posted:ayatollah khomeini wrote a whole bunch of ghazal poetry Ooo, now this is what I'm looking for. I can probably make this work. Thank you!
|
|
#
?
Oct 2, 2016 17:42
|
|
|
I wish I were a less judgmental man, but you're an asinine goon, OP. like Christ, I will strive to forgive you.
|
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2016 13:46
|
|
|
Domus posted:Ooo, now this is what I'm looking for. I can probably make this work. Thank you! you realize there will be grownups in attendance, right
|
|
#
?
Oct 3, 2016 15:17
|
|
|
I guess I just don't understand the hate. I'm supposed to do something inappropriate. This is inappropriate, without hurting anyone, or even swearing. My sister asked for it, so it's not like I'm doing it out of spite. I'm open to other ideas. And those poems are pretty standard love poem type things. If you actually read them, they're quite mundane. Now reading The Platonic Blow, that would be out of line.
|
|
#
?
Oct 4, 2016 00:13
|
|
|
Domus posted:I guess I just don't understand the hate. I'm supposed to do something inappropriate. This is inappropriate, without hurting anyone, or even swearing. My sister asked for it, so it's not like I'm doing it out of spite. I'm open to other ideas. And those poems are pretty standard love poem type things. If you actually read them, they're quite mundane. Now reading The Platonic Blow, that would be out of line. It's just kind of stupid and makes you seem dumb.
|
|
#
?
Oct 4, 2016 00:23
|
|
|
Like I said, I'm open to suggestions...
|
|
#
?
Oct 4, 2016 03:23
|
|
|
Domus posted:Like I said, I'm open to suggestions... Bukowski's "blue moon, oh bleweeww mooooon how i adore you!" It's the most brilliant love sonnet ever written. if you disagree, you're probably wrong. anyways, this is it: ‘blue moon, oh bleweeww mooooon how i adore you!’ I care for you, darling, I love you, the only reason I hosed L. is because you hosed Z. and then I hosed R. and you hosed N. and because you hosed N. I had to gently caress Y. But I think of you constantly, I feel you here in my belly like a baby, love I’d call it, no matter what happens I’d call it love, and so you hosed C. and then before I could move you hosed W., so then I had to gently caress D. But I want you to know that I love you, I think of you constantly, I don’t think I’ve ever loved anybody like I love you. bow wow bow wow wow bow wow bow wow wow. -Charles Bukowski
|
|
#
?
Oct 4, 2016 04:03
|
|
|
Domus posted:Like I said, I'm open to suggestions... examine yourself and your life
|
|
#
?
Oct 4, 2016 04:45
|
|
|
Manuel du Boccage has some nice poems like "anal sex sonnet", "deciphered dick", "poem of a making GBS threads lady" etc. All great to read at the family wedding. They're in portuguese though, dunno if theres some english translation. (I'd go with Baudelaire as someone said earlier)
|
|
#
?
Oct 4, 2016 06:29
|
|
|
Domus posted:I've been searching, without success, for a good bit of poetry to read at my sister's wedding. She's requested I do a reading "with (your) special touch to it", by which she means something somewhat subversive and inappropriate. Yeah, I'm an anti-social failure. Anyway, I think it'd be at least mildly humorous to read your standard bit of love poetry glurge that everyone only half pays attention to, and then reveal at the end it was written by someone terrible. Hitler would be ideal, but he was pretty asexual, and not into poetry. Stalin was a decent poet in his early years, but I can only find 3 of his poems translated. Osama Bin Laden wrote a bunch of poems, but again, I can't find any English translations. Librarians have gone "Oh, that's funny", but haven't been able to come up with anything other than a book that isn't in our system. Can the power of goons help me? It sounds like she's trying to pigeonhole your style, and you should shock her by reading instead a great poem about war, industrialism, death or even the awful nature of marriage to get back at her and impress the eight or nine goons who have posted in this thread. Here's my recommendation! Anthem for Doomed Youth BY WILFRED OWEN What passing-bells for these who die as cattle? — Only the monstrous anger of the guns. Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle Can patter out their hasty orisons. No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells; Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,— The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells; And bugles calling for them from sad shires. What candles may be held to speed them all? Not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes. The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall; Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds, And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.
|
|
#
?
Oct 5, 2016 07:13
|
|
|
Domus posted:Ooo, now this is what I'm looking for. I can probably make this work. Thank you! This is a stupendously bad idea and I would strongly recommend against it. At least get someone from far back enough in history that the scars have faded if you absolutely must. Like at least Victorian, possibly Elizabethan: Byron was an entertaining shithead and Marlowe had a real interesting life.
|
|
#
?
Oct 5, 2016 08:05
|
|
|
Marlow and Byron are known as poets, though. That kind of ruins the joke. Anyway, I think everyone is overestimating the seriousness of this occasion. Due to work-visa issues, they already legally married. This is just the original wedding date, more of a cause for both families to get together, because his parents couldn't attend the first one. Which I think they're pretty pissed about, but that's a whole other story. Also, thanks guys, now google thinks I like poems, and making GBS threads ladies.
|
|
#
?
Oct 6, 2016 02:28
|
|
|
Domus posted:I'm supposed to do something inappropriate. That is a paradox. It is the sound of one hand clapping (at a wedding reception).
|
|
#
?
Dec 22, 2016 10:15
|
|
|
I feel like it's more in the spirit of Something Awful to give somebody ample rope to hang themselves with, and so I present to you Elizabeth Wettlaufer, a registered nurse, proud mother of three cats, and amateur poet. Oh, and she's been charged with the murder of eight patients. She wrote under the pseudonym bettyweston at allpoetry.com. Please remember all poets are presumed innocent until proven guilty, so this is only the work of a potential serial killer. These poems are about what you would expect. Some examples: The sex life of a serial killing cat lady: quote:I never Then there's this gem which I imagine the prosecutor would very much like to read out to the jury: quote:Inevitable.  I think this next one is more of an attempt to write an, ahem, conventional love poem. It's the closest to what you asked for, but your audience would have to be pretty drunk not to notice just how bad this is. quote:Do opposites detract? And here's a nice little easter egg for any Seinfeld fans out there: quote:Serenity Now I guess it's true what they say. I don't know if any of these will suit your purpose. If your idea was to read something actually beautiful and then drop the bombshell that it was written by some kind of monster. But you wanted serial killer poetry so here you go.
|
|
#
?
Dec 23, 2016 04:56
|
|
|
Helsing posted:I feel like it's more in the spirit of Something Awful to give somebody ample rope to hang themselves with, and so I present to you Elizabeth Wettlaufer, a registered nurse, proud mother of three cats, and amateur poet. Oh, and she's been charged with the murder of eight patients. She wrote under the pseudonym bettyweston at allpoetry.com. Please remember all poets are presumed innocent until proven guilty, so this is only the work of a potential serial killer. These poems are all unremarkable and you're not funny
|
|
#
?
Dec 23, 2016 05:13
|
|
|
just let this stupid thread die
|
|
#
?
Dec 23, 2016 06:03
|
|
|
nikitakhrushchev posted:Please don't read Bin Laden poems at your sister's wedding OP. Google search shows Bin Laden recieved some love poems from secret admirers while in prision.
|
|
#
?
Dec 24, 2016 03:29
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 29, 2024 20:19 |
|
|
I went with the Ayatollah's stuff and it went over fine. Only about half the guests got the joke, but my sister was pleased with it. And that's what counts.
|
|
#
?
Dec 25, 2016 05:05
|
|