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*480p video obviously on a slant if you look at the horizon just beyond the cornfield as the backdrop, Hank enters stage left in full baseball gear, dragging a bat with a baseball in his other hand* Hi Mr. and Ms. LB, my name's Hank *bends down so his face is right in front of the camera* My friends like to call me Hank the Stank *pinches his nose, his voice now taking a weird pitch* cuz you can't get rid of me, chyeah haha you know how it is *Hanks swings the bat with one hand around , raises his eyebrows to the camera, chewing loudly and rubbing his shoulder with the opposite hand* heh, I uh I worked my delts a little too hard, I have trouble telling if I'm even holding a bat anymore because to me it feels lighter than air heh *lifts his arms* whoah now haha almost floated away on me and my delts here heh nice Also I kinda always have been around bats holding them and swinging them they're like an extension of my arm, the tools may not make the man but what happens when the man is the tool? quote tim allen, heh I know I know, ol Hank the Stank's read a tim allen autobiography or two Anywa--ska-doosh *he suddenly pops up the ball and swings it, the ball bounces off the turf once before disappearing into the cornfield amidst the stalks, Hank chews loudly on his Hubba Bubba as he turns from the corn* heh probably a triple, it's hard to tell but the speed on that one would've made it hard to stop or catch Anyways, let's cut to the chase ya coupla LBs heh I'm thinking Athletics, Jays, or Orioles, or you maybe grow the decency to respond to my many requests to give Akron it's own team ya filthy stinkin' animals heh sorry just a little joke there, from home alone, kevin mccallister heh Hank the Stank is kinda like the Kevin Mccallister of MLB if you knew me you'd get it, the ball kinda like the sticky finger bandits trying to get to my home, MY home, well ska-doosh *he swings wildly* sayonara joe Peschi Anyways uh thanks for listening, good night and, as always, I'll see you next week. |
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Nov 22, 2016 18:36
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| # ? Jun 5, 2024 07:07 |
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*Hank tosses a baseball back and forth between his hands sometimes without even looking at it* Look guys, my demands are simple, two tins of peppermint snus in the locker room every game and mark mcguire has to subscribe to my tweeter |
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Nov 22, 2016 18:45
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*Hank throws the ball really fast so it goes offscreen pretty much immediately on the gratuitously zoomed in shot of his face* Frig ya, ya'll shoulda seen the friggin spiral on that one it's uh it's like my nephew Sambo he says it's like a dang what is it a babeblade that's it, you hear that Major League Ball a friggin babeblade better hope ya don't swing it'll cut the bat in half, give those dunks on sportscentre something to really holler ovah |
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Nov 22, 2016 19:52
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*A 20 minute video of Hank the Stank competitively stacking cups in his basement, the lighting isn't great and he repeats the same sequence of stacks over and over, his breathing is laboured and he looks confused, also from the 12-20 minutes the video slowly starbursts to black* |
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Nov 22, 2016 19:56
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Hank the Stank giving loud running commentary from the nosebleed section at Minute Maid Park while his nephew plays Crossy Road on the phone he's supposed to be filming with.
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Nov 22, 2016 20:16
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*45 minutes of Hank swinging a bat out in the middle of an empty field. The entire time he's talking loudly but his voice is masked by the wind and cannot overcome the distance to the camcorder mic. After 45 minutes he walks up to the camera, his shirt stained with sweat as he exclaims*: And that's why the pretzel sticks are better than the twisted shapes |
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Nov 22, 2016 21:03
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| # ? Jun 5, 2024 07:07 |
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*the baseball whizzes past the camera, the wind behind it whipping against the camcorder's internal mic, the entire camera shifts back momentarily, falling back foward. In the distance stands Hank, the half-eaten Pogo still hanging from his mouth* |
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Nov 23, 2016 20:00
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