- Barking Gecko
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Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."
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Thanks to having multiple fake IDs, I have gotten so many vaccinations that I exude an autism causing aura for three miles around me.
Well, I've had so many immunizations that I produce herd immunity for the entire planet all by myself.
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Dec 7, 2016 00:01
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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Apr 17, 2024 00:20
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- google THIS
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i had so many vaccinations i caught autism but then developed autism antibodies and fought it off, and now scientists predict that my plasma will eliminate all sonic the hedgehog fanfiction by 2020
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Dec 7, 2016 01:06
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- Ultra Spoot
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Only two? Please, us woke people know it's two bottles a day and you never have to eat their hmo and pesticide riddled "food" again. I'm 75 pounds. 75 pounds of PURE MUSCLE *lunges at you to show off my agility, snaps spine*
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#
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Dec 7, 2016 01:19
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- Mariana Horchata
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Niacin,
not even once.
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#
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Dec 7, 2016 05:00
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- RazzleDazzleHour
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I said to hell with directions and popped eight Xanax earlier. I've been running around the neighborhood for the last six hours looking for ringing phones to answer and telling every girl I see on the street that I really like their haircut. My car is packed and I'm about to begin my cross-country road trip where I plan on correcting all the baristas who misspelled and mispronounced my name at every Starbucks I've ever been to. Instead of staying at hotels I'm going to save money by spending my nights riding public transportation without headphones or sitting in Chipotle restaurants telling the person who heats up the tortillas not to skimp out on the rice just because they're running low and they don't want to make a new batch the whole reason people come here is to feel disgustingly full at the end of their meal and if you can fold that burrito without it bursting at the sour cream-filled seams than I'm not sure you're ready for this responsibility
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Dec 7, 2016 05:30
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- social vegan
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gaggle of teachers: *walk up* Why hello, social vegan, and uhhh what have we got here
sv: Hi all, this is my science fair project!
teachers: ...strange, it looks just like you sitting in front of some bristol board with and open jar of TUMS
sv: ya'll are gonna wanna stand back for this one
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Dec 7, 2016 12:54
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- Farecoal
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There he go
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i took some prozac and it alleviated some of my depression!!!
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Dec 8, 2016 02:18
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- social vegan
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my doctor says, "one at a time, please" at my check ups
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#
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Dec 8, 2016 03:26
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- social vegan
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three blind monks take turns feeling my body, they all agree, there are two men there
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#
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Dec 8, 2016 03:28
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- MrWillsauce
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three blind monks take turns feeling my body, they all agree, there are two men there
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#
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Dec 8, 2016 05:48
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- FutonForensic
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three blind monks take turns feeling my body, they all agree, there are two men there
 
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Dec 8, 2016 05:53
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- the bsd boys
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Can't post for 404 days!
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Every day for the last two years I've stubbed my toe on parked cars. I'm now immune to car accidents. I cross the street without looking, and a bus fruitlessly bounces off my shoulder. The street is a plinko board. My antibodies dissolve a semi. I cannot be stopped
the bsd boys fucked around with this message at 09:58 on Dec 8, 2016
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Dec 8, 2016 09:38
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- the bsd boys
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Can't post for 404 days!
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Plagued by dry eyes, I slam a bottle of flax pills. The tears come in a trickle - a torrent - a jet. I am a saline Cyclops and my very sight is destruction. After a hard lesson on responsibility I decide to volunteer as a fountain at a mini golf course
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#
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Dec 8, 2016 09:56
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- Android Blues
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Every day for the last two years I've stubbed my toe on parked cars. I'm now immune to car accidents. I cross the street without looking, and a bus fruitlessly bounces off my shoulder. The street is a plinko board. My antibodies dissolve a semi. I cannot be stopped
Plagued by dry eyes, I slam a bottle of flax pills. The tears come in a trickle - a torrent - a jet. I am a saline Cyclops and my very sight is destruction. After a hard lesson on responsibility I decide to volunteer as a fountain at a mini golf course
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#
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Dec 8, 2016 10:18
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- Ahundredbux
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The right to bear arms
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Every day for the last two years I've stubbed my toe on parked cars. I'm now immune to car accidents. I cross the street without looking, and a bus fruitlessly bounces off my shoulder. The street is a plinko board. My antibodies dissolve a semi. I cannot be stopped
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Dec 8, 2016 16:07
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- google THIS
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my lieutenant: it's over, general google this! we're dead! the doctor army has breached our walls and they're closing in on our position!
me: (pries the lid off a crate to reveal a full bushel of apples) not for long.
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#
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Dec 8, 2016 18:47
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- Android Blues
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my lieutenant: it's over, general google this! we're dead! the doctor army has breached our walls and they're closing in on our position!
me: (pries the lid off a crate to reveal a full bushel of apples) not for long.
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#
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Dec 8, 2016 19:09
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- social vegan
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my lieutenant: it's over, general google this! we're dead! the doctor army has breached our walls and they're closing in on our position!
me: (pries the lid off a crate to reveal a full bushel of apples) not for long.
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#
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Dec 8, 2016 19:12
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- Ahundredbux
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The right to bear arms
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my lieutenant: it's over, general google this! we're dead! the doctor army has breached our walls and they're closing in on our position!
me: (pries the lid off a crate to reveal a full bushel of apples) not for long.
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#
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Dec 8, 2016 19:20
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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Apr 17, 2024 00:20
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#
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Dec 7, 2016 00:01
