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Santa is real you morons
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Dec 25, 2016 21:13
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| # ? May 13, 2024 22:56 |
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Dr Cheeto posted:Santa is real you morons did you know you aren't real
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Dec 25, 2016 21:41
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My dad says I'm real 
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Dec 25, 2016 21:44
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Real tight
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Dec 25, 2016 21:49
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Santa is easy. The real trick is getting your kids to believe in Ayn Rand.
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Dec 25, 2016 22:00
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"Mom, the tooth fairy forgot to leave a quarter for my tooth like you said she would." "poo poo." It's been all downhill since then.
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Dec 25, 2016 22:01
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If your kids ever say he's not real, beat them bloody until they believe.
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Dec 25, 2016 22:42
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if you have a kid it means you have hosed so you're already a bad person
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Dec 25, 2016 22:47
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One time we played this bit on our kids where my wife was driving them down the road to our house in the dark of night and I, dressed as santa carrying a bag of gifts, strolled across the road right in time to get hit by their car. It was like a 5mph love tap and as planned I dropped the bag of gifts for them to scavenge as I ran off into the woods. It kind of back fired when my five year old daughter started crying because she thought she'd killed santa.
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Dec 25, 2016 23:35
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why do we make our kids believe these lies
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Dec 26, 2016 00:14
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Blind Rasputin posted:One time we played this bit on our kids where my wife was driving them down the road to our house in the dark of night and I, dressed as santa carrying a bag of gifts, strolled across the road right in time to get hit by their car. It was like a 5mph love tap and as planned I dropped the bag of gifts for them to scavenge as I ran off into the woods. It kind of back fired when my five year old daughter started crying because she thought she'd killed santa. Lol
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Dec 26, 2016 00:14
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504 posted:Real tight 
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Dec 27, 2016 08:38
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stop having kids you goonny fucks
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Dec 27, 2016 08:45
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I slip the mall Santa a torn half of a $50 bill and an amiibo and tell him, "I'm going to be back in this line in 30 minutes with my kid. If you want to see the other half of this $50, you will greet him as 'Timmy' the moment you see him before he says a word. You will ask if him he and his dog "Alfie" are enjoying the snow. You WILL talk about all the good things you've heard about him this year. You will pull this amiibo figure from your sack and say, "I was going to give this to you next week, but how about you just take it now. My elves hear it's your favorite" You will take your photo and if he looks satisfied, when I come up to get him I will hand you the other half of this $50... If you cross me on this, Santa, there will be no place on Earth your reindeer or blue Ford Focus with the dented door in the parking lot in section G can hide you from me..."
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Dec 27, 2016 09:53
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I tell them Santa is the only thing protecting them from forums user "nomadologique". That's more than enough motivation.
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Dec 27, 2016 11:14
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I think the important thing is to control what they see and hear and keep Santa in their hearts and minds all year long. When they're getting ready to start school, tell them, "The other kids, they don't really believe in Santa and that's why he never comes to them. The world knows only a fake Santa, and the real one exists only for a few of us. You can never tell ANYONE that we still get the real Santa visiting us because they'll all be so jealous that they'll do anything to destroy him because they can't stand the idea that he's still coming to people who aren't them. Do you understand? We're the last of protectors of the line of Santa's faithful and if anyone should discover we know about him, they'll destroy him. Then they'll come after us and force us to reveal his secret identity, where the secret location of the North Pole workshop is and kill us all if we don't reveal it to them. Don't worry, when you're 13 and have proven your loyalty and faith to the Saint, you too shall see his workshop and finally meet him. You see, the Christians and the Athiests, they're both united in killing Santa because he is the last source of true magic in the world, but he's only one man and he has many enemies." Then one day, when I just get sick of this, I'll come storming in the house and grab them and start screaming about how, "They've killed Santa!!! WHO DID YOU TELL!? YOU DID YOU TELL!? Santa's dead and they're coming for us! Pack your poo poo! Pack all your poo poo and wait in the car! No! Not yet! Just get together all your toys from Santa! Put everything Santa ever gave you in this garbage bag, I've got to burn all of it because if they come here and find them they'll know we're all Clausians and we're all dead! While you do that, I gotta make some phone calls to find out if we have to leave town!"
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Dec 27, 2016 11:42
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lol
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Dec 27, 2016 11:55
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I remember when I first realised that people paid kids to be adorable, that that's usually the reason why they exist in the first place, to be at best a sort of a quasi-sentient toy. I can't really internalise the psychopathy required, though. So yeah I pretended Santa was real so the presents didn't stop, all the way until moving out of home. It turned out to be an important life lesson. Everyone needs to learn how to whore.
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Dec 27, 2016 13:26
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chaosbreather posted:I remember when I first realised that people paid kids to be adorable, that that's usually the reason why they exist in the first place, to be at best a sort of a quasi-sentient toy. I can't really internalise the psychopathy required, though. god drat breeders and their biological imperatives ps op I have no idea, i bailed before they learned how to talk. what am i some kinda doofis
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Dec 27, 2016 14:26
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It's simple. You tell them that kids that don't believe in santa don't get presents. They can choose to believe what they want and see how it works out for them. One year without presents will have them believing so hard.
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Dec 27, 2016 17:51
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Zzulu posted:why do we make our kids believe these lies It's a valuable lesson to children that their parents are not gods but humans and also to trust noone Alternatively, it's to teach that parents often lie to children for their own good Or it's a dominance play to demonstrate to your children just how easily you can dunk on them and how all of society will support you doing it butterbar fucked around with this message at 19:05 on Dec 27, 2016 |
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Dec 27, 2016 19:02
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why are you trying to trick children OP? are you some kind of pedo??? 'ooh don't be afraid the big fat goon sneaking into your house is just giving gifts!' sicko
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Dec 27, 2016 19:40
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| # ? May 13, 2024 22:56 |
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Dave_Indeed posted:I'm sitting here watching Christmas Mass, getting drunk and high as gently caress, wondering how all of the good and correct Christian holiday observers trick their idiot children into believing Santa Clause is real? Large doses of LSD the morning of Christmas and I dress up. The idiots are so loving geeked out they don't know what's real.
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Dec 27, 2016 21:23
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