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Title: THE LOWTAX Director: Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu Budget: $110-130 million Aiming for an R rating based on language, brief graphic nudity, and disturbing imagery Will pitch to primarily to Lionsgate and Focus Features, but if neither of those bite we could try Sony Runtime: approx. 150 minutes. Summary: Like the recent biopics of Abraham Lincoln and Jessie Eisenberg, the picture will focus on one pivotal period in Kyanka's career rather than attempting to portray the whole of his storied life in one film. This will be, of course, his fight with Uwe Boll. The film will open on Kyanka, riding high on his fortunes from his wildly successful Internet website, going to the cinema with his lovely wife to see the motion picture ALONE IN THE DARK. The film will then show the entirety of ALONE IN THE DARK, occasionally cutting to Kyanka's horrified face. After he leaves the cineplex, he engages in a ROCKY-style training montage, set to Kanye West's "The New Workout Plan". We then cut to Madison Square Garden on the day of the big fight. The crowd is deafening. The fight between the two titans begins. With each rattling blow to the skull, we show a single frame of goatse, a la FIGHT CLUB. We cut away before the final blow, a la THE WRESTLER. Roll credits. Cast: Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka -- Matt Damon Megan Kyanka, nee Austin -- Sandra Oh Uwe Boll -- Jason Statham Edward Carnby -- Christian Slater Aline Cedrac -- Tara Reid Cmdr. Richard Burke -- Stephen Dorff
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Jan 22, 2017 01:41
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| # ? Jun 11, 2024 10:59 |
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The Revenant and Birdman were overrated trash from a garbage can so please choose another director
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Jan 22, 2017 01:42
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Pretty racist casting OP. I think Terry Crews is the only actor with the range and gravitas to play Señor Lowtax.
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Jan 22, 2017 01:45
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I can already imagine falling asleep on the couch after renting it from redbox on a Friday night, not finishing it but returning it on Wednesday when I finally think about it again
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Jan 22, 2017 01:50
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Bill Hader = Lowtax
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Jan 22, 2017 01:51
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yo in the movie birdman was that nigga a bird and a man
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Jan 22, 2017 01:52
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Johnny Cash's version of Hurt plays over a sleeping Lowtax surrounded by pills and booze. A cartoonish voice is heard elsewhere in the office followed by a loud fart.
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Jan 22, 2017 01:53
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Featuring Rich Evans as Dave "Shmorky" Kelly, who serves as Kyanka's trainer for the fight.
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Jan 22, 2017 01:55
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i got real excited twelve years ago when stephen dorff was tapped to be spike spiegel. guy deserves one more major role
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Jan 22, 2017 02:01
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I'm likin the part where the secret service kidnaps and brainwashes Lowtax to assassinate Donald John Trump only to join the Masons and gets gay with Cheney.
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Jan 22, 2017 02:02
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Chlamyllionaire posted:I'm likin the part where the secret service kidnaps and brainwashes Lowtax to assassinate Donald John Trump only to join the Masons and gets gay with Cheney. Shmorky's ex spotted.
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Jan 22, 2017 02:03
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Chlamyllionaire posted:I'm likin the part where the secret service kidnaps and brainwashes Lowtax to assassinate Donald John Trump only to join the Masons and gets gay with Cheney. hey we got in trouble last time people posted like that bud
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Jan 22, 2017 02:03
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my bat mitzvah ROCKED posted:hey we got in trouble last time people posted like that bud hey Cheney's a sexy sexy man. I can't blame Rich for that
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Jan 22, 2017 02:08
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David O. Russell is the man to do a Lowtax movie.
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Jan 22, 2017 02:15
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Chlamyllionaire posted:hey Cheney's a sexy sexy man. I can't blame Rich for that Truth, and one hell of a fine skeet shooter. Hell, EVERYBODY KNOWS THATS BIG DICK C! 
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Jan 22, 2017 02:21
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Paul Reubens as Kevin Bowen
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Jan 22, 2017 02:24
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dreezy posted:Featuring Rich Evans as Dave "Shmorky" Kelly, who serves as Kyanka's trainer for the fight. I'd watch this
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Jan 22, 2017 03:05
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the smork man would have to be played by ted levine
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Jan 22, 2017 03:07
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hell let jeffrey jones play aatrek i say
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Jan 22, 2017 03:08
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Blue Raider posted:hell let jeffrey jones play aatrek i say 
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Jan 22, 2017 03:10
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Blue Raider posted:hell let jeffrey jones play aatrek i say 
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Jan 22, 2017 03:34
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cgi Michael Jackson for aatrek imho
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Jan 22, 2017 03:35
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Gonna need portfolios and an empty casting couch for the A-listers to play the cutie in the pink shirt he snears at
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Jan 22, 2017 04:01
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Chlamyllionaire posted:Gonna need portfolios and an empty casting couch for the A-listers to play the cutie in the pink shirt he snears at 
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Jan 22, 2017 04:05
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If I was casting director I'd have Greta set us an appointment at 2.
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Jan 22, 2017 04:20
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I support your idea to make a Lowtax biopic, OP, but only because I desperately want to watch "Blowtax" the biopic's porn parody.
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Jan 22, 2017 05:15
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I insist on playing myself in both versions.
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Jan 22, 2017 05:16
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make jesse eisenberg play kyanka
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Jan 22, 2017 05:18
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Patrick Stewart as niggerstomper58
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Jan 22, 2017 05:25
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Egbert Souse posted:Patrick Stewart as niggerstomper58 
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Jan 22, 2017 06:47
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Jan 22, 2017 07:03
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Pitching a tent looking at pictures of Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka
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Jan 22, 2017 07:46
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Eric Andre as Lowtax.
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Jan 22, 2017 07:48
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What about the porn parody of the Lowtax movie?
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Jan 22, 2017 07:57
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My Man Shran posted:What about the porn parody of the Lowtax movie? Logjammin! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZ-oafGPkqg
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Jan 22, 2017 07:59
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My Man Shran posted:What about the porn parody of the Lowtax movie? Applewhite posted:I support your idea to make a Lowtax biopic, OP, but only because I desperately want to watch "Blowtax" the biopic's porn parody.
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Jan 22, 2017 18:01
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My Man Shran posted:What about the porn parody of the Lowtax movie? Poon House
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Jan 22, 2017 18:04
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It should have the part where a fat Swedish man steals his wonderfully crafted video game idea. The fat man gets so ridiculously rich from it he doesn't know what to do anymore. Lowtax becomes bitter and withdrawn.
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Jan 22, 2017 18:11
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| # ? Jun 11, 2024 10:59 |
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Cliff Yablonski Saves Christmas is my pitch.
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Jan 22, 2017 18:14
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