Let's improve extreme vetting

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > Let's improve extreme vetting

Nebakenezzer: Sep 13, 2005; The Mote in God's Eye

I imagine most of you reading this noticed Trump this weekend tried to impose "extreme vetting" of new immigrants, and in a surprise twist, it just blocked non-whites from immigrating.

Anyway, it's clear that we need to block "those people*" from entering this country, and I thought I'd crowd-source a solution with you, the best and brightest. Is there a way we can restrict immigration to keep "those people" from entering our country while allowing everyone else in?

My idea: reality TV shows.

Why not take everybody who enters the country and send them to an annex on the Nellis Air force Range in Central Nevada. Then, feed them into a system of reality TV shows, where everybody can vote on who gets into the country, and who gets sent packing back to wherever and whatever "Civil Wars" they were trying to escape from.

Pluses

High probability hot women and men will be fast-tracked into citizenship as long as the women are willing to remove their hijabs, or maybe wear nothing but. It's a free country, whatever they are comfortable with.
Geuine sob stories will have a chance to move the nation's emotions and also be fast tracked into immigration. This will make America feel like they are **doing something**, and maybe Nobel Prize winners will stop trying to make us feel bad. I mean, c'mon lady, we gave you a Nobel Prize, how about you show some gratitude.
If we develop reality shows to screen for talent in science (especially engineering science, god we have to pay these people so much because they are so hard to find) maybe we can inspire America's indolent youth into those fields. I'm thinking Mythbusters, but in the Nevada desert, and our Arab Kari is terrified her children will starve in a war zone.
If Netflix likes the program, it could be self-funding!
Because of the crushing need for reality TV shows and viewers for same, pretty much everyone who's ever aspired to run/work in TV is going to be needed to pitch ideas, produce, and work on these TV shows. This would really raise Trump's profile in the entertainment industry, which in inexplicably low despite his recent career.
Could provide valuble feedback as to who America actually considers "those people." I mean, Coptic Christians are obviously in, Orthodox Christianity is good enough even by Trump's standards. But what about Iranians? I've been told they aren't Arabs at all - how does America feel? What about Bangladeshis? (If certain unnamed scientific theories were not totally false I'd be worried about getting Costco-sized bulk orders of them in the future.) What about many South Americans, who often can pass for Muslims, but are not?

Minuses

Some of Trump's base may object to trying to "humanize" immigrants and refugees.
These same voters might form very determined voting blocks to stop immigration of refugees regardless of merit, and then people might say the system is "rigged" or even "unfair."
This puts a government function in competition with Keeping Up With the Kardassians. As the US Navy has already learned to its shame, that's something you do not do.
It must be remarked upon that the ~~best~~ highest rated reality TV shows often have the format of "a nest of vipers living in bilious garbage", with a collection of principles that even in their whiteness and wealth, most Americans would vote not only out of the nation, but off the entire planet if such a thing were possible. This tendency is rather cross-grained with what the program aspires to
The aforementioned vipers will be out of work if the scheme takes off, so in the interests of employment, these people should be given jobs in the new scheme, hopefully in a position of power, as hosts, referees, and even ~~kommindants~~ America facilitators, should the need arise.
There is also the problem that maybe most immigrants and refugees, despite legitimate merit as potential Americans, are not in a position to charm a national TV audience. This might once again lead to cries of "unfairness" - some sort of objective, IE number based system should be established to counter this objection before it has time to take root.

Anyway, this is just one idea. How would you, thread, implement "extreme" vetting? Bonus points will be given if you use the X-games.

*The one definition of "those people" that everybody seems to agree upon is "people trying to get into the country specifically to commit acts of violent terror against America." (Color me surprised the United States was not in fact doing that.) Feel free to define it how you wish.

# ? Jan 30, 2017 03:26

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 07:06

Lastgirl: Sep 7, 1997; Good Morning!
Sunday Morning!

can you condense this but in picture book form

# ? Jan 30, 2017 03:45

Nebakenezzer: Sep 13, 2005; The Mote in God's Eye

Sadly I lack the artistic skill

# ? Jan 30, 2017 03:57

Prav: Oct 29, 2011

drastically reduce emergency response times by parachuting in animal healthcare practitioners in remote areas

# ? Jan 30, 2017 03:59

Darkman Fanpage: Jul 4, 2012

obviously the answer is to put me in charge of vetting.

# ? Jan 30, 2017 04:13

Nebakenezzer: Sep 13, 2005; The Mote in God's Eye

Darkman Fanpage posted:

obviously the answer is to put me in charge of vetting.

How do we know you wouldn't let "those people" in

Oh god, what if you are one of "those people"?!

# ? Jan 30, 2017 04:28

Bip Roberts: Mar 29, 2005

Imagine really sick puppies and kitties being healed by extreme vetting 🐶

# ? Jan 30, 2017 04:29

Bip Roberts: Mar 29, 2005

# ? Jan 30, 2017 04:30

Stinky Wizzleteats: Nov 26, 2015; Can't post for 3 hours!

if you don't watch out you're going to wind up a rich accessory to fascism

# ? Jan 30, 2017 04:32

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Deploy extreme vetting on all white Christian males exclusively because they are more likely to be radical terrorists than any other groups.

# ? Jan 30, 2017 04:33

Squizzle: Apr 24, 2008

Lastgirl posted:

can you condense this but in picture book form

# ? Jan 30, 2017 05:02

C. Everett Koop: Aug 18, 2008

extreme vetting is just vetting but with like rollerblades and poo poo right

# ? Jan 30, 2017 05:19

Fallen Hamprince: Nov 12, 2016

C. Everett Koop posted:

extreme vetting is just vetting but with like rollerblades and poo poo right

forcing refugees to do sick ollys on the ruins of a syrian hospital

# ? Jan 30, 2017 05:24

rudatron: May 31, 2011; by Fluffdaddy

"Okay welcome to the my exteme vetting immigration program, First, are you a bad dude?"

"No, of course not"

"I see. What's your favorite thing about al qaeda?"

"Well they're a very strong organizat...god drat it"

*points to door*

# ? Jan 30, 2017 05:48

Gringostar: Nov 12, 2016; Morbid Hound

i miss when extreme vetting was biden doing sick burnouts

# ? Jan 30, 2017 06:01

Lastgirl: Sep 7, 1997; Good Morning!
Sunday Morning!

Squizzle posted:

ooooh okay thanks

# ? Jan 30, 2017 06:03

Michael Corleone: Mar 30, 2011; by VideoGames

OP make one of the shows like "The Long Walk" by Stephen King. All the potential immigrants just start walking and lets say the last 10% standing make it in.

# ? Jan 30, 2017 14:33

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 07:06

mormonpartyboat: Jan 14, 2015; by Reene

how xtreem is ur vest op

# ? Jan 30, 2017 16:00

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > Let's improve extreme vetting