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Your out on town, meet a girl at a bar, end up at her place, 9 months later she calls you - abit nervous and shy... turns out that 9 months ago, on that very night you visited her - you forgot your wallet, she found it under the sofa.
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Feb 24, 2017 02:46
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<3 
<3 Vanisher 
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 19:13 |
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You put your last dollar into the vending machine and of course the thing you wanted gets stuck! So you bang the machine a little bit and the thing you wanted just dangles there, ready to fall any second, and you shove it one more time, harder than the last- and you and the candybar trade places! You are now dangling for your life, feet unable to grab onto anything as your hands are gripped onto the chrome spiral that is keeping the rest of the products from falling onto your now consideribly smaller and more vulnerable skull! Suddenly, someone else approaches the vending machine, dollar bill in hand, and they select the choice that you now occupy! The spiral you are hanging onto for dear life rotates, you have no choice but to keep following the spiral, and finally the mechanism stops! You co-worker, Johnson from Accounts Payable/Shipping, is now shoving the machine, trying to force you into the bin below! He gives it a violent shove, just as you did- and has now traded positions with you! The candybar is now on the floor, you pick it up and head back to your seat and sit down and take your time eating that candybar- you earned it. Johnson can go right on ahead and gently caress himself. Prick. Pot Smoke Phoenix fucked around with this message at 16:17 on Feb 24, 2017 https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Feb 24, 2017 05:28
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You sit down on the toilet to poo, but you look up and the entire class is laughing at you. You forgot your textbook today. Where are your shoes? You don't belong here. Your father was right all along! |
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Feb 24, 2017 05:30
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it's BYOB, but you don't even want B. you want W
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Feb 24, 2017 05:35
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guys i gotta pee i had too much coffee cuz i stayed up late posting |
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Feb 24, 2017 09:07
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You get invited to your in-laws, taco - you know it's risky, but you accept - your in-laws are nice, so is the taco, but taco being nice is just a lie - the roaring has begun, you know there isn't any escape from this - you excuse yourself from the table, ready to devestate the bathroom.. and then it happends: You look down the toilet, mean, evil eyes of corn looking back up at you, their maleficent intent is clear.. it's done.. it's clogged. You should have known poo poo happends. You hear evil laughter coming from the depths of what surely is a portal to the hell dimension.. Revenge is a bitch.
Uxzuigal fucked around with this message at 15:58 on Feb 24, 2017
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Feb 24, 2017 15:36
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You hit the road, suddenly you hear banging - damnit, flat tier again.. You pull over, but the banging continues.. It turns out it's Bill Nye the Science Guy that you locked in your trunk a few days ago...
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Mar 1, 2017 04:44
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You're just settling down to read the news when *BLAM!* you take a Mind Bullet straight to the cranium from Pope Francis. Apparently you each have a different personal exegesis, and things need to be hashed out through violent telepathy. You pause, for a second, collecting your thoughts and decoding the packet. It's the Papa Himself, scoffing in your general direction, with one hand on his hat and the other flipping you off. Wait... there's more. Pope Francis sits down at his desk, pulls out Vatican Stationary, gets out the Papal Mont-Blanc, and draws a dickbutt. This is.. WHAT!? NO! He's named the Dickbutt "socks4hands" and hasn't even used capital letters! This will not stand. I sharpen my mind, get out my ironing board, finish ironing my will, and begin: @Pontifex, I think... Let's remind you what poping used to be about! Maintaining the "@Pontifex" character selection in my mind, I watch the following video, unblinking. I sense his weakness, and pain. The word of God is just a voice in your head, right, Francis? Well, I'm one too and I'm louder! Don't gently caress with Telepaths. Roll video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4lYR30oETI Sing Along fucked around with this message at 06:34 on Mar 1, 2017 ---------------- |
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Mar 1, 2017 06:30
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you don't want to crack your last egg but it's bob sled time |
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Mar 1, 2017 17:21
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 19:13 |
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You drag the hooker to your van and... her wig falls off. You don’t like brunettes. |
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Mar 4, 2017 09:40
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