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technotronic
Sep 7, 2014
I'm a PM at a smallish company where all employees work remotely. I never met the vast majority of them. I like the job and the people are great too - no turf wars and very little other bullshit.

I only had good experience with Julie until recently. Some nine months ago she got promoted to a managerial position and works closely with IT. My team's work depends on IT and we have problems communicating with them. The head of IT can be a bit of a dick. He doesn't like to be held accountable for deadlines to which he committed to and he never volunteers information.

Last week Julie cut me off on a Slack channel when I brought up a request from the boss. Not used to that tone from her or anyone else in the company, I was left speechless and didn't respond. The next day she wrote me an email and said that she hoped I hadn't gotten offended and that the request was a bad idea and that it was better not to discuss it on Slack cause it would confuse developers there. Which would be fine except that she was rude to me in public and she (kind of) apologized in private, and that there was no reason to be rude in the first place since it wasn't my request and she knew it. She shot the messenger.

On Friday me and a guy from my team were supposed to join Julie's Skype call with the boss. I can schedule a call with the boss on my own but I wanted Julie to be on it so that we all can discuss that request and why it can't be addressed atm. I let her know that we are ready, no response. I assume that she has other stuff to discuss with him first so we wait. After like an hour I remind her that we are here, no response. I apologize to my team member (he's not an employee) for this and we soon give up on waiting. Later I get a message from her in the spirit of "Huh, what call? You wanted to speak with the boss? He's free now". Apparently she forgot that we were supposed to join their call.

One of her last emails to me was about better coordination of my team with the IT. I respond politely to that and continue angrily (but still politely) that I'm all for better communication with IT because it has been very poor from their side so far and that I'm tired of pulling teeth to get information that is crucial to my team. And that this "leave me alone" attitude also showed in her Slack message to me. And in her ignoring me on Skype. The message was long and it wasn't pleasant to write or (I'm sure) to read. However I believe I wasn't impolite or unprofessional. I ended it by saying that my team deserves more respect.

I wondered what her response would be (didn't sleep well that night) and to my surprise there was none. She could argue that issues with IT were not her fault or that they are partly mine, but I expected at the very least that she will apologize for loving up the meeting and keeping us waiting. No ifs and whys about that.

We continue communicating normally about regular work stuff and maybe I should just let it go. Still, I keep thinking whether she's offended now and will hold a grudge against me. I don't think she is a bad person and I would like to patch up our relationship but I believe the initiative for that should come from her side. Maybe I should talk with the boss - but I don't like to whine and bring up problems.

tl;dr
Goon writes an angry email to a co-worker; keeps thinking about it when there is no response.

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Hufflepuff or bust!
Jan 28, 2005

I should have known better.
It's very easy to let these conflicts spiral out of control, and even harder when done remotely and you can't judge a colleague's response (or lack of response). I would

a) let your email go if she doesn't respond

b) continue documenting your talks with her - try to keep things in public channels and not PMs especially

When you run into issues that affect your team, cc other people affected and people she works with especially.

If you are getting blamed for stuff or things are really falling apart you might need to take more drastic action, but for now I'd continue that approach.

Chard
Aug 24, 2010




subj: u wan som fuk?
body: ayyyyyyyyyyy

504
Feb 2, 2016

by R. Guyovich
How much fuk exactly?

pig slut lisa
Mar 5, 2012

irl is good


Chard posted:

subj: u wan som fuk?
body: ayyyyyyyyyyy

504 posted:

How much fuk exactly?

Stop, thanks.

OP I agree with the first reply. Don't go fishing for a response to your email at this time. Keep communication brief but not terse (if that makes sense) over the next few days and see if it feels like there's a cloud hanging over your professional relationship with this person.

technotronic
Sep 7, 2014
OK, thanks.

No problem with documenting. Email, Slack, Skype messages - all is stored by default. I even record most of my Skype calls even though it's for a different reason. Our recent communication has been uneventful but we still have to meet with the boss and deal with that notorious feature. If that doesn't reveal any landmines I'll relax.

Harald
Jul 10, 2009

LINKIN PARK


1) Never trust management.

2) Document everything

3) Never trust management.

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Reacon
Feb 17, 2013

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.

Harald posted:

2) Document everything

This means every time you have a conflict of interest, make sure the whole exchange is over email. If not, send emails as "reminders" about the discussion or chat.

Email everything. Prompt her to email you. Forward your own sent messages to net a response. Never send anything that could be perceived by somebody else as offensive or defensive or argumentative or anything beyond professional business.

I am in the military. The military is inherently political. My rear end has been saved by my email records numerous times. It's proof of everything.

Even if you go meet somebody for some reason:

"Hey,

I appreciate the discussion about *** today. If you need anything else don't hesitate to ask.

V/r,
Reacon"

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