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A little while back I saw a horsehawk menacing the neighborhood horses so I went outside and chased it away with a broom before it could make a meal of them. Anyway, long story short, one of them swung by my house the other day to notify me that I "am declared Horsefriend forevermore." Can someone explain what this means and what duties/privileges it confers, if any? |
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May 22, 2017 01:47
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 07:39 |
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I think the horses have come up with a very clever euphemism for "janitor." perhaps we have underestimated these cunning creatures.
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May 22, 2017 02:31
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always have apples on hand in case a horse wants a tasty treat, this will only solidify your position as horsefriend. don't mention mr. ed: his is a tale that many horses look down upon with disgust. he basically sold his soul in order to reach unheard of heights in show biz. The Rolling Stones wrote a song called "Wild Horses" and some of the lyrics are "wild horses couldn't drag me away." if you ever sing or recite this song, alter the lyrics to reflect that wild horses could indeed drag you away. when talking of engine capabilities, "horse" power is insulting, implying that the engine is capable of functioning more efficiently than hundreds or sometimes thousands of horses. instead of horsepower you should say "cat power." for example, my Ferrari has more than 65,700 cat power. don't make jokes about long faces unless they are about barnacle jim. good luck horsefriend!
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May 22, 2017 05:18
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we're lucky that horse bandits didn't have access to the horse masks from funny youtube videos in addition to cool bandanas for their own faces |
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May 22, 2017 06:07
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if my aunt had 4 hooves, a beautiful flowing mane, the engorged muscles of a thoroughbred budweiser, and the longer and bigger in general teeth but still pretty similar to human teeth, then she'd be the uncle of my dreams |
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May 22, 2017 06:10
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Just keep being nice to horses.
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May 22, 2017 07:54
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They're trying to suck you into an MLM scheme. Horses aren't that bright. |
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May 22, 2017 11:43
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Thanks friends. The horses came around this morning. Apparently there's a special hat horsefriends get to wear! It is very shiny but it kind of looks like a cheap top hat rolled in glue and glitter and buttons. But I appreciate their thoughtfulness and the seriousness of the position. A couple of the horses looked like they were trying to suppress laughter when they also presented the Horsefriend Large Bowtie that I must wear to be known to every horse and horsekin. I wonder what the joke is; maybe I'll get it soon now that I'm one of them! |
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May 22, 2017 12:34
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The horses may say it behooves you to wear the hat and tie, to trot you out like that, but I say neigh, you don't have to put up with them horsing around like that.
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May 22, 2017 12:55
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Give it a lather.
slowm fucked around with this message at 21:03 on May 22, 2017 |
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May 22, 2017 12:57
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Scroon posted:Thanks friends. The horses came around this morning. Apparently there's a special hat horsefriends get to wear! It is very shiny but it kind of looks like a cheap top hat rolled in glue and glitter and buttons. But I appreciate their thoughtfulness and the seriousness of the position. |
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May 23, 2017 01:05
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Get the thingy that makes your bowtie spin Sont make long face jokes tho They thimk our faces are too short |
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May 23, 2017 01:42
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slowm posted:Give it a lather.
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May 23, 2017 02:06
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I invited the horses to my house so we could watch Boys Over Flowers (my favorite Korean school drama) and I am so awkward at hosting Things escalated and long story short I may have eaten one of the horses and the others are surely never going to be my friend ever again now Sigh |
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May 23, 2017 03:33
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When I grow up I want to be a horse. |
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May 25, 2017 02:12
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Scroon posted:I invited the horses to my house so we could watch Boys Over Flowers (my favorite Korean school drama) and I am so awkward at hosting Speaking as someone with two horses attached to every post, they will be too scared not to be your friend now, especially if you ate the horse raw. I'm assuming you mean that you ate a horse literally, btw. If you are talking euphemistically, that's a whole different piece of advice.
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May 25, 2017 16:38
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Do not ask horses to remove their shoes when they enter your home even if that is your general policy.
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May 25, 2017 18:22
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Happy halloween
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If a horse enters your vision say "of course" two times, and only two times.
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May 25, 2017 18:25
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hockey jockey posted:I'm assuming you mean that you ate a horse literally, btw. If you are talking euphemistically, that's a whole different piece of advice. Sometimes I get nervous in social situations and I just try to stuff everything in my mouth as a defense mechanism. |
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May 25, 2017 19:04
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Scroon posted:Sometimes I get nervous in social situations and I just try to stuff everything in my mouth as a defense mechanism. Same, when the social situation is a sex party.
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May 25, 2017 19:33
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Tamed and saddled horses can be used as one of the fastest means of transportation in the game, though they are unable to fit through single block-wide openings. They can also be used to climb hills, as some horses can jump high enough to clear up to five block heights, versus the player's maximum of about one (without a potion). Donkeys and mules can be equipped with chests and used as pack animals |
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May 25, 2017 19:45
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Scroon posted:I invited the horses to my house so we could watch Boys Over Flowers (my favorite Korean school drama) and I am so awkward at hosting i know a ninja who resembles a horse when she removes her horseninja mask. she could blend in long enough to put some good words in for you, friend scroon. crimes |
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May 25, 2017 20:13
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phallocentriloquist posted:always have apples on hand in case a horse wants a tasty treat, this will only solidify your position as horsefriend. gently caress my rear end has a Dodge Challenger SRT H*ckcat that has 666,666 caterwauling pusses under da hood and has been banned by NHRA, the SPCA, and the FDA for being too 
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May 25, 2017 23:36
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i heard the H*ckcat at wide open throttle sounds like being front row at a sigur ros concert in front of an erupting volcano - the sound is that of 666,666 warmed over screaming cats out of h*ck
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May 25, 2017 23:43
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drat listen to them pussies holler! full bore screaming kitty haulin and truckin gently caress a horse shove these cats in your rear end! yee haw precious cat powers are the life force of America
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May 26, 2017 06:28
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As a Horsefriend, you now have the responsibility to offer rides to any tired horsies. Serve your friends well, and you will be rewarded in kind. |
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May 26, 2017 07:03
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 07:39 |
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phallocentriloquist posted:drat listen to them pussies holler! full bore screaming kitty haulin and truckin gently caress a horse shove these cats in your rear end! yee haw precious cat powers are the life force of America U can aspire to be The Cat's rear end (i kno i do) but please please please do not attempt to literally shove a cat up ur rear end, thank you.  *calls Dodge dealership to schedule an appt for oil change* "Uhh Sir, im afraid we cant help u with that u are gonna have to find a dairy because ur cat engine requires warm unpasteurized guernsey milk not oil...pls refer to page 6-66 of the owners manual you were given when u signed and toke delivery"    *literally buys the farm*
Impkins Patootie fucked around with this message at 01:55 on May 27, 2017
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May 27, 2017 01:48
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