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All I ever wanted to do was be an accountant, but no, my dad says it'd going against everything the family stands for. What the hell does he know? He rides a giraffe to work and eats castles made of fairy wings. gently caress you dad, I'm gonna have a normal life. No more of this surrealist bullshit, no more floating from branch to branch on a wind made of color, no more waking up in a cold sweat because you never know whether the doorknob is going to open the door or turn into a gigantic snake that plays piano with its tail. I'm so tired of this. Just let me live life the way I want to live: in a small cubicle, filing someone's taxes. |
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Aug 18, 2017 17:57
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| # ? May 3, 2024 14:17 |
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| I won't tolerate this kind of disrespect for our lifestyle UWBW, go to your room! *points at mc escher stairs* | |
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Aug 18, 2017 18:09
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Dad: I need to know the time. Can you run to the fridge for me real quick? Son: *sigh* You know, maybe if we turned the A/C on we wouldn't have to store all of our clocks in there. Dad: Just check the drat fridge already and don't start this with me again. |
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Aug 18, 2017 18:14
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Dad: I love to singa, about the moona and the juna, and the springa... *talking animals and furniture join in* Me: Dad I want to go into Administrative Services Management. |
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Aug 18, 2017 18:22
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My dad used to make all sorts of corny jokes when I was little. "Knock knock" he would say. "Who's there?" I answered. "Twelve lions," he said, with a grin, barely able to suppress his laughter. "Twelve lions who?" I would say, oblivious. With a great guffaw, he'd bellow out "AN ORANGE!" and we'd all laugh and laugh. These days, he tries to make the same jokes, but they fall flat. They're just silly and boring to me now. My mate jerry told me a fantastic one the other day about a bunch of doctors talking about their work, and the punchline was something like "But her aim is getting better!" Oh man, it was fantastic, I wish I could remember it. I told it to my DaDa, though, and he just sort of tilted his head to the side, like it didn't make any sense. I think we're just too different, too dissimilar. I need to get out of this house.
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Aug 18, 2017 19:39
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mom why don't you ever take me seriously *mom phases out of existence* dammit mom you never loved me did you *mom phases into existence* *mom phases out of existence* ----- |
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Aug 18, 2017 21:22
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| My dad never taught me to shave so I had to learn how to slice my eyeball open with a straight razor all by myself. | |
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Aug 18, 2017 21:44
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UWBW posted:All I ever wanted to do was be an accountant, but no, my dad says it'd going against everything the family stands for. What the hell does he know? He rides a giraffe to work and eats castles made of fairy wings. gently caress you dad, I'm gonna have a normal life. No more of this surrealist bullshit, no more floating from branch to branch on a wind made of color, no more waking up in a cold sweat because you never know whether the doorknob is going to open the door or turn into a gigantic snake that plays piano with its tail. I'm so tired of this. Just let me live life the way I want to live: in a small cubicle, filing someone's taxes. AverySpecialfriend posted:I won't tolerate this kind of disrespect for our lifestyle UWBW, go to your room! *points at mc escher stairs* Macnult posted:Dad: I need to know the time. Can you run to the fridge for me real quick? Putty posted:Dad: I love to singa, about the moona and the juna, and the springa... *talking animals and furniture join in* |
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Aug 18, 2017 23:18
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Me : *transforming into a fairy tale princess as I step through the television set* "how come sis always gets to pick the movie on family movie night??? it's not fair!" Dad, now a powerful wizard : "sorry son you know the rules. whoever solves Sparky's riddle first gets to choose." *a sphinx wearing a collar with the name 'Sparky' on it emerges from the other side of the TV and begins transforming into a dragon* Me : "this su-u-u-u-cks!" *voice trailing off as I am carried away by the dragon for the umpteenth time*
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Aug 19, 2017 00:46
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drat it son when your brother went into accounting it nearly broke me. I will not go down tbis road again. You will study Pop Art over my warm pulsating corpse.
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Aug 19, 2017 01:51
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cda posted:My dad never taught me to shave so I had to learn how to slice my eyeball open with a straight razor all by myself. My dad told me it was normal for kids my age to suddenly have holes in their palms. Sure, whatever you say dad. I felt really normal once ants started crawling out of them. Yup. Totally normal. So normal I didn't even have to sit alone at the lunch table anymore because the cafeteria staff made me eat outside. |
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Aug 19, 2017 02:00
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lol |
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Aug 19, 2017 02:56
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OK Mom. Which part of the four food groups does a flaming phone book fit into? Do you truly believe that this counts as proper nutrition for a growing boy? And please, put down the goose and get dressed while I'm having dinner.
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Aug 19, 2017 03:43
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ugh, there's ants everywhere! |
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Aug 19, 2017 12:57
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Macnult posted:Dad: I need to know the time. Can you run to the fridge for me real quick? heh lol @ the other posts too
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Aug 19, 2017 13:51
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dad could you please pass the peas *dad scowls at me* sigh . . . I meant, dad could you please pass the "not the peas" *dad beams, hands me the plate*
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Aug 19, 2017 13:55
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*giving directions to my house on the phone* okay so from Valencia rd you turn right onto... well, you turn right at the sphinx. you know, a sphinx, like the giant cat-person... no, well yes it has a name but it's more of a pictoral name kinda like Prince. So then you'll pass thru some pretty narrow spirals for about a quarter mile, though it might seem like much longer, and then right after you go through the tree, our driveway is right after that so you turn up. no yeah i said up. I'm sorry, i know it's a pain, I'll tip extra don't worry |
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Aug 19, 2017 14:12
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the first son came to the father said, "dad, I've gotten my girlfriend teen-pregnant" and the father said, "you've disappointed me, child." the second son came to the father and said, "dad, I've gotten teen-pregnant, and I'm my own father" and the father said "I've made myself proud"
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Aug 19, 2017 16:57
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Little girl: (Throwing a painting of a caravan of spindly-legged elephants across the room) I said I wanted a dolly for my birthday! A dolly! |
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Aug 19, 2017 17:31
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Senior Management posted:drat it son when your brother went into accounting it nearly broke me. I will not go down tbis road again. You will study Pop Art over my warm pulsating corpse. alnilam posted:*giving directions to my house on the phone* okay so from Valencia rd you turn right onto... well, you turn right at the sphinx. you know, a sphinx, like the giant cat-person... no, well yes it has a name but it's more of a pictoral name kinda like Prince. So then you'll pass thru some pretty narrow spirals for about a quarter mile, though it might seem like much longer, and then right after you go through the tree, our driveway is right after that so you turn up. no yeah i said up. I'm sorry, i know it's a pain, I'll tip extra don't worry FutonForensic posted:the first son came to the father said, "dad, I've gotten my girlfriend teen-pregnant" and the father said, "you've disappointed me, child." the second son came to the father and said, "dad, I've gotten teen-pregnant, and I'm my own father" and the father said "I've made myself proud" google THIS posted:Little girl: (Throwing a painting of a caravan of spindly-legged elephants across the room) I said I wanted a dolly for my birthday! A dolly! i absolutely 400% love this thread |
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Aug 19, 2017 17:43
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After watching our neighbor kids, the Cubists, trying to play hide and seek, I'm starting to think I don't have it so bad after all. |
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Aug 19, 2017 18:20
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mom's been cooking dinner all day from the dali cookbook, i hope it's something good this time.
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Aug 19, 2017 18:57
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If it's one thing I hate, its rafting with my family on the endless waterfall every Sunday. Going simultaneously uphill and downhill in an endless stream with my annoying sister constantly opening her third mouth about her new worm in a top hat boyfriend all day is not how I envisioned my summer break. |
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Aug 19, 2017 19:04
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the impressionists are going door to door again. how do you guys avoid them? we usually hide in the dog or the melted fork bin but i think they're catching on |
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Aug 19, 2017 19:06
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just melt into the sidewalk and caw like a rabid aphid, they'll never know it was you the whole time
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Aug 19, 2017 20:23
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| # ? May 3, 2024 14:17 |
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Mum: "Dear, I've noticed Timmy spending a lot of time with that young girl. Maybe it's time you gave him 'The Talk'" Dad: "Ok I've got this" Later: "Right son, I think it's high time we had a little chat... Once, a lion, a cheetah, a buzzard and a haughty goat were having a contest to see who Could be the tallest so they all grew and grew until their ears touched the ceiling. Alexander Petrova, upon seeing this, shattered into a thousand shards. Alexander Petrova's good friend Olgey Sharapova, upon hearing of his friend's untimely demise, walked off the top of the tallest building in the city, hitting the ground and shattering into a thousand pieces. Artyem Gorod, despite not thinking much of Olgey, swept him up and put him in into a bag of water to steep. Then Artyem Gorod shattered into a thousand pieces. OK son good night sweet dreams" Timmy: "Uhh ok Dad whatever" Dad(to Mum): "Don't worry about Timmy, we had a little chat and I think he's going to be just fine. Mum: "Who are you talking to, I don't exist" |
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Aug 20, 2017 00:42
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