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standing at the altar with my wife, but instead of exchanging rings we pass each other a pen and legal documentation certifying our divorce. then we spit on each other and play tug of war with our child while everyone cheers and cries.
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Dec 31, 2017 00:38
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| # ? May 21, 2024 08:03 |
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| the honeymoon is pretty much the same except instead of sex it's a lot of yelling and smoking cigarettes. | |
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Dec 31, 2017 00:39
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we did the smear cake in each others face thing too but it got kinda violent.
AverySpecialfriend fucked around with this message at 21:21 on Dec 31, 2017 |
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Dec 31, 2017 00:40
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"No" he said, with a gleam of murderous intent twinkling gleefully in his eyes "I'm afraid you completely misunderstood," now drawing a wicked looking, quite obviously poisoned dagger, "We clearly agreed that it would be until death do us part!" And so it begins... The divorce planner would referee the proceedings. There would be only one winner, or none at all https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Dec 31, 2017 01:24
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Divorce planning is fun because the point now becomes willfully placing people who you know are going to start up some poo poo next to people who deserve it at the anti-reception. Also, who cares about what the centerpiece flowers are gonna be? Set out mace and stun guns! Your DJ will of course play the worst garbage you can think of, and catering is a brownbag lunch. Booze is whatever your guests can carry in. The traditional first dance is replaced with a fine display of whatever newly aquired martial art/self defense the anti-bride and anti-groom want to demonstrate knowledge and skill of, so they both know what they could potentially get their asses kicked with if they don't watch it. "The former bride signs the papers! The former bride signs the papers! Hi-ho it's over with, the bride signs the papers!" The former bride and former groom then have to fight their way out of the place with paintball guns to venture out into their new lives with whatever allies they have. |
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Dec 31, 2017 01:35
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AverySpecialfriend posted:standing at the altar with my wife, but instead of exchanging rings we pass each other a pen and legal documentation certifying our divorce. then we spit on each other and play tug of war with our child while everyone cheers and cries. "I now pronounce you dead to each other" |
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Dec 31, 2017 02:44
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The former groom would like to propose a toast. Wait, no, sorry. He actually needs a refill. We all need a refill. God why did they ever get married in the first place? |
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Dec 31, 2017 02:45
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*bridesmaid giving me the look* Friend: Maaaan imagine the documents you could fill out with THAT Me: I dunno, I was talking to her earlier. We clicked instantly, have similar interests, an- Friend: What, afraid things aren't gonna go down in flames and end horribly? Me: According to her friends she doesn't have any baggage either. Friend: Ohhh, so she's a classic "too good to be true" scenario. Those are a lot of fun I hear. Me: Look, I'm not gonna rush into a divorce just to say I had a divorce, especially at an anti-wedding. Friend: Easy for you to say. This past Thanksgiving, both of my parent's dinners had everyone hounding me about two things in my future: grandchildren and joint custody disputes. |
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Dec 31, 2017 03:32
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imagine the "best man writes a speech but at the last moment he tears it up and speaks from the heart" cliche, except the couple is getting divorced
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Dec 31, 2017 05:42
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Macnult posted:"I now pronounce you dead to each other"
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Dec 31, 2017 05:59
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The traditional returning of the bride to her father and feeling super smug because you saved the receipt.
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Dec 31, 2017 12:50
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Priest: If anyone has reason for this couple to not get divorced let them speak now or forever hold in their pe- *I come crashing into the divorcing out of breath* Me: Stop the divorcing! He doesn't hate you! Not like I do! *crowd gasps in shock* Me: I hate you Hannah! I always have and I always will! Divorce me instead!
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Dec 31, 2017 17:09
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Koishi Komeiji posted:Priest: If anyone has reason for this couple to not get divorced let them speak now or forever hold in their pe- ---------------- |
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Dec 31, 2017 17:33
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There's Something About Mary except all the characters are in unhappy marriages with her and keep sabotaging each other's attempts to divorce her.
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Dec 31, 2017 17:34
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me and my wife made a promise that if both of us were still married in 15 years than we'd divorce each other
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Dec 31, 2017 17:35
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Macnult posted:*bridesmaid giving me the look* Senior Management posted:The traditional returning of the bride to her father and feeling super smug because you saved the receipt. Koishi Komeiji posted:Priest: If anyone has reason for this couple to not get divorced let them speak now or forever hold in their pe-
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Dec 31, 2017 19:21
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telling all my friends that i'm in the middle of a divorce, you've just never met my lawyer because he lives in canada
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Dec 31, 2017 19:42
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The bride and grooms family and friends are sitting on opposite sides of the aisle. The friends who don't really want to take sides sit in the middle, and the whole room is treated to speeches from both about why their ex is a dirtbag until they take sides. |
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Dec 31, 2017 20:10
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Macnult posted:The former groom would like to propose a toast. Wait, no, sorry. He actually needs a refill. We all need a refill. God why did they ever get married in the first place? Lol |
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Dec 31, 2017 21:22
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"When our little girl first brought Hank home to meet us, he was so nervous and I thought 'who is this sniveling sack of poo poo with the tattoos and ratty jeans who thinks he's good enough for my daughter,' but times change and Hannah's a grown-up who can make her own decisions and I knew she'd do what was right for her. She's been having an affair with her dentist for two years and baby, I couldn't be more proud." *sniff* |
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Dec 31, 2017 23:16
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As a certified divorce planner, I take pride in ensuring my clients have a divorcing experience to remember. In my opinion, no divorce is truly perfect until that beautiful moment of transition, when procedure becomes bitterness becomes a magnificent symphony of destruction. I have scripted such grand breakups. Such scenes as to make nine out of ten of the saltiest truck-driving grandmas point, stammer a bit, and blurt out "That...that is poo poo!". The tenth one snorted, took a drag from her cigarette, and rasped out, "Been there, done that, got his balls nailed to the wall in my cab to prove it." Imagine a sensible young urban progressive couple, whose divorce spirals out of control, from a bittersweet but orderly dissolution of their marriage and divvying of assets to the police having to break them apart in the middle of a knockout, drag-down hair-pulling grappling match over a $350 collection of vintage Hot Wheels toy cars. ---------------- |
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Jan 1, 2018 06:19
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Sometimes prospective clients have been on the verge of no longer needing my services and getting back together. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. Random flirtatious texts from burner phones, spraying perfume inside the husband's car, random hairs in the laundry. This is what separates a successful divorce planner from a failure. You need to go the extra mile to insure your clients get exactly what you need. |
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Jan 3, 2018 22:36
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tao of lmao posted:Sometimes prospective clients have been on the verge of no longer needing my services and getting back together. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. How do you feel about this celebrity trend of couples just throwing divorces with each other without even being married? I think it cheapens the whole affair and undermines the institution of divorce. It makes what should be a solemn, peaceful, and reflective event of mutual understanding and respect into a big old circus spectacle. Especially when the same couples are doing it multiple times in a year! ---------------- |
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Jan 3, 2018 22:49
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It's not nearly as bad as the assholes who just run off to some shithole like vegas and get divorced on a whim. That's not how this process should work in my obviously biased yet humble opinion. This needs to take time. Months. I have kids of my own to feed... |
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Jan 3, 2018 23:05
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Quickie marriages cheapen Traditional Divorce.
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Jan 4, 2018 01:28
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some of the older generation in this country are just never going to accept gay divorce no matter how much two homosexual people stop loving each other they will insist that its a threat to heterosexual divorce to let the two legally separate i'm glad that the future is looking so bright as more young people are growing up to be totally ok with the idea that two gay people can turn a lifelong promise of love and understanding into a mutual loathing and hatred so deep they are willing to rip apart a family and scar their children
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Jan 4, 2018 02:33
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HUSKY DILF posted:some of the older generation in this country are just never going to accept gay divorce Lol this is great, it almost seems like a real legislature loophole that could happen where gay marriage gets legalized in some state but gay divorce is never mentioned in the bill so it remains illegal. Therefore gay marriage is legally forever. Hard right extreme conservatives lobbying to keep it that way on a dumb angry platform of "those gays got what they asked for". People getting back into the dating scene and having to explain about their relationship status that they are legally still married but separated and no, there isn't any timeframe for when the divorce will be finalized.
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Jan 4, 2018 15:26
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can you still wear black if it’s your second divorce?
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: |
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Jan 17, 2018 01:09
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ghost emoji posted:can you still wear black if it’s your second divorce? Any color is cool as long as you as you stick with the traditional "no belt, no sleeves" rule. |
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Jan 17, 2018 04:17
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Duckbox posted:Any color is cool as long as you as you stick with the traditional "no belt, no sleeves" rule. how am i supposed to get a good divorce if i dont use a belt? |
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Jan 18, 2018 21:40
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Is it still in style to do customized alimony checks? I think it's the little things that really tie a divorce together |
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Jan 18, 2018 22:13
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Scroon posted:Is it still in style to do customized alimony checks? I think it's the little things that really tie a divorce together poo poo thug i tricked out muh checks more than muh whip |
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Jan 18, 2018 22:21
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| # ? May 21, 2024 08:03 |
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ATTN THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU! WARNING! So I guess things got a little crazy this past holiday season at a local machine shop, and now there are multiple people married to a drill press, a CNC lathe, and a robotic arm. And cross-marrying is involved, to boot. Oh, and the cherry on top of this nightmare sundae? Some of the people involved in it seem very happy with the situation. It's a big old tangled up stumper of a divorce cluster I have to figure out now, and I'm not even sure where to begin. There's nothing in the manual, nothing in my old textbooks, and the professor I e-mailed six hours ago still hasn't replied back (and she's usually very prompt with answers.) Goddamn it, why did the future have to arrive like this, three days before my "divorce cruise" vacation? As an industry veteran, I think we need to get this whole human-inanimate object thing sorted out now, before it snowballs us and THE GOVERNMENT steps in. ---------------- |
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Jan 19, 2018 01:28
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