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Mmmm reconstituted potato Edit. My loyal subjects, this thread is now about your favorite story you like to tell people at parties. My favorite story is about the time I offered a cop a hit off a blunt as he was arresting me and my friend for weed. Brother Tadger fucked around with this message at 16:50 on Aug 1, 2018 |
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Aug 1, 2018 16:47
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| # ? May 26, 2024 22:56 |
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I got picked up by police once, and told them something they found on the backseat looked like a bong to me, officer. What answer did they expect.
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Aug 1, 2018 17:02
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I usually just drop the fact that four times in my life, someone has tried to kill me with a motor vehicle. The first was when a drunk friend of a friend got super mad at another dude and tried to beat him up. We out numbered him 5 to one so we stopped him. He later got back into his car and thried to drive through us going really freaking fast (like at least 40 mph+). I didged that by literally jumping over the car (my feet hit the roof and I rolled off). The second time is when some guy in a cadillac SUV really wanted out of a parking lot where he was arguing with some guys over gd knows what (drugs, lol). I got hit that time, flew about 9 feet into the road, but managed to hobble my way back onto the sidewalk. Nno serious injuries, I was young. The third time was a guy tried to run me over after he got into a road rage accident and tried to speed away. I dodged by jumping onto the hood of my friend's car as he sped off. The fourth time it was a loving redneck pulling a trailor and we were in "his spot" along a trail. My friend and I dove behind some trees and SLAMMED him truck into it and did some serious damage to the hood. He got out to do God knows what but my friends dad saw it and ran up to him and pulled his gun on him and he just left. He left alot of the front his truck and his crumpled up trailor in his wake. The cops later got a hole of him, but they didn't do jack poo poo.
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Aug 1, 2018 19:17
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i had a tail that had to be surgically removed
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Aug 1, 2018 21:03
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Guy on a scooter tried racing my SV1000, it's my favourite story because he was obviously totally retarded.
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Aug 1, 2018 21:11
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I like to tell people about the time I worked the foreclosure of Evander Holyfield's mansion. Dude had like 17 pools and has eleven children with 6 other women. His monthly child support bill was in the teens of thousands. Really nice guy tho. Also worked on a foreclosure of a grow house and that poo poo was dank
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Aug 1, 2018 21:28
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I talk about antiques...
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Aug 1, 2018 21:35
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Like, scrimshaw'd dildos or what; don't leave us hanging
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Aug 1, 2018 21:38
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1redflag posted:Like, scrimshaw'd dildos or what; don't leave us hanging No, that'd be cool. I collect old antique appliances, tools, and radios. So those things.
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Aug 1, 2018 21:52
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Boring things.
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Aug 1, 2018 21:52
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Literally A Person posted:No, that'd be cool. i have a bunch of old antique stuff from the 40s-60s from africa and india, china and whatnot, like a carved mahogany jungle cat with lil ivory teeth and eyes, and a big intricately hand carved chinese hope chest, a small carved elephant table with lil ivory tusks, some ivory jewelery, even a tiny ivory Gandhi with lil glasses and everything. my grandpa owned a bar in brooklyn and hed let merchant marines pay off their exorbitant bar tabs with fancy foreign things. im concerned that these admittedly awesome things were basically plundered from faraway lands by imperialist dogs and my family's legacy is drenched in the blood of afro-indo-sino-ppl can you confirm/deny that for me?
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Aug 1, 2018 22:02
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One time I went spelunking and slid into a slippery cave, the stones smashed along my spine and my stinky little anus slammed right down onto a stalagmite with a loud squish, and then I died
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Aug 1, 2018 22:03
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E. Nevermind, saving throw by gatekeeper keeps him in the game.
Brother Tadger fucked around with this message at 22:17 on Aug 1, 2018 |
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Aug 1, 2018 22:04
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Gatekeeper posted:i have a bunch of old antique stuff from the 40s-60s from africa and india, china and whatnot, like a carved mahogany jungle cat with lil ivory teeth and eyes, and a big intricately hand carved chinese hope chest, a small carved elephant table with lil ivory tusks, some ivory jewelery, even a tiny ivory Gandhi with lil glasses and everything. The blood is on your hands now. I would recommend a ceremonial cleansing ritual of some sort.
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Aug 1, 2018 22:06
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1redflag posted:Prob gatekeeper. This ain't antiques roadshow, bitch (with a tail). I talk about my family's bloodlust at parties dingus
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Aug 1, 2018 22:10
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Nice save. I'll let it slide this time. E. VVV yes! Back on track folks
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Aug 1, 2018 22:17
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I posted this one in the butter thread but whatever: When I was young, my best friend walked in on me in my kitchen tasting cooking spray. It was just a tiny little spray that I tasted. But, being an impulsive chubby kid and having him walk in on me with a can of Pam at the very instant I was spraying a little bit directly into my mouth, I knew it would become a glorious, eternal self-own that never gets less funny any time it comes up.
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Aug 1, 2018 22:17
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ContraBoss posted:I posted this one in the butter thread but whatever: You're supposed to spray it on your wrist like with perfume
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Aug 1, 2018 22:19
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My wife (then girlfriend) and I got pulled over by a Richmond PD officer on the way to a costume birthday party one night. We had a tail light out. This was in like August, nowhere near Halloween, and we decided to dress as Anton and Zeena LaVey, because if I let my facial hair grow and color it black I bear a passing resemblance to the real Anton. So she's wearing a hooker-blonde wig, I'm wearing a black robe, and we're both decked out in pentagrams and bats and whatever evil little costume jewelry pieces we could find. He takes a look inside the car, sees us both, and is basically like "Tail light's out. Get it fixed, have a good one." Didn't even bat an eye. It probably wasn't even the weirdest thing he saw that night.
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Aug 1, 2018 22:26
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All these... moments, will be lost. In time.
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Aug 2, 2018 00:01
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poo poo. I should go to a party so I can tell a story there. Do LAN parties count?
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Aug 2, 2018 03:09
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Applewhite posted:poo poo. I should go to a party so I can tell a story there. Do LAN parties count? Well WAN parties we can take.
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Aug 2, 2018 03:11
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I once had an ancient, one eyed chinese man try to hire me as a prostitute in SF. I had been traveling up the coast and had quite long hair at the time, and had recently shaved. I'm a skinny, not especially masculine dude, and I'm pretty sure this guy was nearly blind. One eyesocket was just empty. I was dicking around on my guitar in a park near the cathedral, and he just came up to me and asked me if I needed a place to stay. I told him I was heading out that day (true) and thanked him. He stood there looking at me for a few minutes. "I'll give you $100 to stay the night." I politely declined again, and started to pack up my poo poo to move to a different corner of the park. He waited a few minutes, then ambled back over to me. "$200, you don't have to do anything." At this point I was getting skeeved out, so I decided to head somewhere else entirely. He's staring at me the entire time I'm leaving, and the last thing I hear is him shout: "$250 and I'll buy you dinner! I have lots of dvds"
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Aug 2, 2018 04:29
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Vinny Possum posted:I once had an ancient, one eyed chinese man try to hire me as a prostitute in SF. Whoa whoa whoa, you didn’t even stick around to find out what dvds he had? For shame...
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Aug 2, 2018 05:27
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ContraBoss posted:Whoa whoa whoa, you didn’t even stick around to find out what dvds he had? For shame...
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Aug 2, 2018 05:28
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I must live with my shame
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Aug 2, 2018 05:31
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| # ? May 26, 2024 22:56 |
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I used to work at a summer tech camp for kids. There are one million stories (with titles like "The Chicken Man" and "Robot Beauty Pageant") but one of my personal favorites involved a kid who gave himself the nickname "Frantic." When I met Frantic, he spent about twenty minutes talking to me about Minecraft. This was when it was first becoming really popular, so this was not uncommon. Eventually throughout my camp career I would learn that when Minecraft is brought up, it's a yellow flag for someone who's probably going to do something memorable over the course of the week. We were out on one of our outdoor breaks one day playing capture the flag. At one point, Frantic gets tagged by someone and is out (or in jail, whatever). But, well, you try telling a ten year old with the self-appointed title of "Frantic" that he lost anything. So anyways there were a lot of tears and I was called in. I walked up and took him away from the field so we could talk about it and calm down. We stopped by a tree to sit and chat and work through it. At some point he manages to make himself even more upset and at this point I'm not too keen on sticking around trying to sort it out. I tell the director that we're headed back to the computer labs to get away from ground zero. On the way back I'm trying to bring up some distracting discussion. "Are you excited for the party on Friday?" "What party? *sniff*" "You know, we have a big party at the end of camp every week. There will be a raffle, games, pizza, and we'll show off your projects!" "P... Pizza? *sniff* You probably won't even have any good kinds!" "What are you talking about? We'll have all the greats - cheese, meat, pepperoni..." "PEPPERONI FULL OF LIES!" He then exploded into more tears. Later on he would start crying again when he found out we didn't use a cracked version of the Minecraft client (as he didn't own an account), have a serious moment of panic when he saw a patch note that mentioned Herobrine (a "spooky" npc that would "haunt" Minecraft, who also didn't exist), then one day he hid under a computer table to see how long it would take us to find him (not long). When he was going home at the end of the week, his mother told us he had a great time.
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Aug 2, 2018 14:18
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