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Let's Read R.A Salvatore's War of the Spider Queen OR R.A. Salvatore's Ebon-Skinned Dominatrix Rodeo OR What is the Sound of Seven Authors Typing with One Hand? What? War of the Spider Queen is a six book series written in turns by Richard Lee Byers, Thomas M. Reid, Richard Baker, Lisa Smedman, Philip Athans, and Paul S. Kemp with oversight by R.A. Salvatore, the author responsible for Mary Sue par excellence Drizzt Do'urden, and set primarily in his favorite playground, the Underdark. According to Wikipedia, this was actually all the fault of Salvatore's editor, Phil Athans, whom you might also recognize as having written the absolutely god awful Balder's Gate novelizations. Let me tell you how much I'm looking forward to getting to his book. (Read: I'm not) Phil wanted to write a book using the Drow, and pitched the series to Salvatore as a way to get some exposure for some other authors new to D&D book writing. Salvatore only agreed on the grounds that he would get to oversee the whole thing, so that he could ensure that his playground didn't get knocked around too much and he'd be able to use it in later books. How is this going to work? Much like other Let's Read threads that I've enjoyed, I'm going to be giving a overview of the events of each chapter, punctuated by the occasional excerpt in the event that the book says something better than I can summarize/I need to prove that yes, they really did write that. In between chapters I'm going to be discussing things like the world the story is set in, locations as they appear, the various fantasy races, brief histories, etc. I'm also going to be posting some things about the various characters, from how awful they are written to how they would be built if they actually were a D&D character, mechanically speaking. For funsies, I'm also going to be tracking the following things: The number of times the word Piwafwi (which must always be italicised) appears, by Chapter, Book, and Total. The number of times Salvatore Indulges a Fetish. It will not be a small number. The Chaotic-Stupid Count, or the number of times a character does something stupidly cruel and capricious that doesn't actually help them in any way, because "The Drow are Servants of Chaos!".
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Oct 16, 2018 06:24
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Let's Read R.A. Salvatore's War of the Spider Queen, Book 1 Dissolution This book was written by Richard Lee Byers. According to Wikipedia, Byers has a Master's Degree in psychology, and is a fencing and poker enthusiast. His page also claims that he has written over forty Fantasy and Horror novels, but the bibliography on the same page only lists 19, so who knows. Checking the book right now reveals a list of 15 additional novels not listed on his wikipedia page, so fair enough. Before the start of Chapter One itself we get a map of Menzoberranzan: (which I will insert later) We also get a little bit of italicized text that serves as an introduction. I have chosen to include it in it's entirety: Dissolution posted:It was a flicker of clarity in the foggy rain of shadowy chaos, where nothing was quite what it seemed, and everything was inevitably more treacherous and dangerous. But this, the crystalline glimmer of a silken strand, shone brightly, caught her eye, and showed her all that it was and all that would soon be, and all that she was and all that she would soon be. TL;DR, Lolth is a bad Goddess who makes poor decisions in the name of "Chaos is Dangerous and that's what makes it Fun", and has decided to do something stupid that is apparently going to really gently caress with her worshipers, which amuses her greatly. The above is also an exceptionally bad example of the lovely prose that is going to plague this and the other books, and also of the incredible, inexcusable, overwhelming, abuse of this, the humble comma. It never gets worse than this, thankfully, but also never gets much better. Chapter One proper starts as follows: Dissolution, Page 3 posted:Gromph Baenre, Archmage of Menzoberranzan, flicked a long, obsidian-skinned finger. His office door, a black marble rectangle incised all over with lines of tiny runes, swung noiselessly shut and locked itself. Our opening paragraph introduces new D&D readers and reintroduces veterans to Gromph Baenre, the as-above-stated Archwizard of Menzoberranzan. Gromph is also the son of the previous Matron of House Baenre, the First House of Menzoberranzan, and he is also the leader of Sorcere, Menzoberranzan's Wizarding school. I will be going over what the hell those things are in a later post, but for now suffice to say that Gromph is basically the Third most powerful person in this City of the Drow, which is about the best he can do, given that he was born male in a overwhelmingly matriarchal society. He is grumpy about this. I'm also not sure why they decided that the best way to show that he's a powerful wizard is by having him cast a Level-0 Spell (a cantrip) and a Level-2 spell as the first thing we see him do, but that's what they did. Moving on, he proceeds to open a secret door in the back wall of his office, and then steps into what is basically described as an empty elevator shaft, which he then falls into. We are then introduced to the fact that drow, like all elves, have infravision and can see in the dark, and that he carries a House Brooch that, among other things, can be activated to make him levitate. He begins to ascend the shaft, which he reveals is not actually part of the world he was in before, but is actually a place between realms and that he's traveling to an extra-dimensional space. He is then attacked by a creature that is apparently native to this sort of non-space that is looking for something to eat. He initially attacks it with a spell (that I'm having some difficulty identifying with my 3.5 Player's Guide (he calls it a Venom Bolt, but it's not in here), though from the description I'm half-convinced it's a cantrip (Acid Splash) and he's just used another cantrip (Prestidgitation), to set it on fire), but he's surprised when it fails to kill the creature (which he really shouldn't be, Acid Splash only deals 1d3 damage and maybe an extra 1d3 for being on fire). At this point it accelerates towards him, using its ten barbed legs to rend at him. Dissolution, Page 5 posted:As he expected, the frenzied scratching failed to harm him. The enchantments woven into Gromphs piwafwi - not to mention a ring and an amulet - armored him at least as well as a suit of plate. Still, it irked him that he had allowed the beast to get so close, and he felt more irritated still when he noticed that the creatures exertions were flinging tiny smoking droplets of his own conjured acid onto his person. Oh my god I hate that loving word. A piwafwi [pee-wah-phwee] is either a fancy cloak or half-cape, depending on its particular cut or style; is worn by most drow as a way to denote their particular station or importance in life; and apparently must always be written in frigging italics because that's how it will always appear throughout the entire series. There is going to be a Piwafwi count at the end of each chapter, book, and hopefully the entire series as a whole, because that word is the visual equivalent of sandpaper for my eyes and I want you to feel my pain. That aside, we can also assume that he's got a Ring of Protection (Armor Class Bonus), an Amulet of Natural Armor (Natural Armor Bonus), and his Piwafwi must be of Dodging, as you can only have one of each of the above bonuses running at once. All three are fairly powerful as well, being at least +2 or better as he's pulling a total of either +7 or +8 armor out of them (depending on whether he's referring to Half or Full Plate). This is still amusing to me because he should be at least an epic level Wizard (upper 30's at the least), and he should be rolling with a +5 version of each of those. On the other hand, the description of his own conjured acid dripping on him is not doing anything to make me reverse my opinion that he used a pair of cantrips a minute ago, so maybe he's actually a hilariously low-levelled Wizard and he's just really good at faking it. Having determined that he needs to up his game a bit, he lets it approach, and breaks out a 3rd-Level Spell, Vampiric Touch, which lets him absorb its health like a vampire. Draining it dry, he resumes his upward travel, eventually reaching a doorway and pulling himself through. Dissolution, Page 6 posted:The large circular chamber was in most respects a part of the tower of Sorcere - the school of wizardry over which the Archmage presided - but Gromph was reasonably certain that none of the masters of Sorcere suspected its existence, accustomed to secrets and magical architecture though they were. The place, lit by everlasting candles like the office below, was well nigh undetectable, even unguessable, because its tenant had set it a little apart from normal space and conventional time. In some subtle respects it existed in the distant past, in the day of Menzoberra the Kinless, founder of the city, and in another way, in the remote and unknowable future. Yet on the level of gross mortal existence, it sat firmly in the present and Gromph could work his most clandestine magic there secure in the knowledge that it woild affect the Menzoberranzan of today. It was a neat trick, and sometimes he almost regretted killing the seven prisoners, master mages all, who had helped him build the place in exchange, they imagined, for their freedom. They had been genuine artists, but there was no point in creating a hidden refuge unless one could ensure it would remain hidden.  Also, little bit of a name drop there with Menzoberra, and while whoever they were will not come back up later in the series, I will go over them when we discuss Menzoberranzan proper. Entering the room, Gromph grabs a staff, an amulet, an athame, and some incense. Armed with his tools, he begins the process to summon a creature of the Abyss, but hesitates. Dissolution, Page 6 posted:Menzoberranzan was in desperate straits, even though most of her citizens hadn't realized it yet. In Gromph's place, many another wizard would embrace the situation as an unparalleled opportunity to enhance his own power, but the archmage saw deeper. The city had experienced too many shocks and setbacks in recent years. Another upheaval could cripple or even destroy it, and he didn't fancy life in a Menzoberranzan that was merely a broken mockery of its former glory. Nor did he see himself as a homeless wanderer begging sanctuary and employment from the indifferent rulers of some foreign realm. He had resolved to correct the current problem, not exploit it. drowlife.txt Misgivings dismissed, Gromph throws himself into his summoning. An indeterminant period of time passes, and he successfully completes the ritual, summoning a netherspirit named Beradax. Beradax, a creature shaped like a drow woman but made entirely of eyes, throws itself repeatedly against Gromphs summoning circle in an attempt to escape and murder him, until he begins stabbing himself in the belly with the athame. The enchantment on the blade, instead of gutting the wizard like a fish, inflicts that damage on the demon instead. Howling in pain, it eventually yields. Dissolution, Page 8 posted:"What do you want, drow?" the creature asked. "Information? Tell me, so I can discharge my errand and depart." Quenthel Baenre is the second daughter of the former Matron Baenre. In relatively recent Menzoberranzan history, they were attacked and defeated by a small army from Mithral Hall, the home of the Battlehammer Clan of Dwarves, in retaliation for a Drow attack that killed King Bruenor's adopted human son Wulfgar. The Dwarf army had followed Drizzt Do'urden, who had gone on a suicidal revenge killing spree. By the end of the debacle, Matron Baenre was dead and the rest of Menzoberranzan had determined that it never wanted anything to do with Drizzt or those loving Dwarves ever again. Quenthel also appears in that book, and something fairly important happened to her that may lead to some confusion among those who read that book. It will eventually come up, but please, if you know about it, don't mention it. We'll get there. Anyway, with the former Baenre head dead, her eldest daughter, Triel Baenre, the then High Priestess of Lolth and Mistress of the all-female wing of the Academy, Arach-Tinilith, took her place as the new Matron Baenre. Quenthel then became the new Mistress of Arach-Tinilith. Gromph's problem with his sister is not merely that she is his rival in controlling the Academy, but also because they are both Triel's advisors. Incredibly powerful priestess of Lolth though she may be, Triel has absolutely no frigging clue what she's doing as Matron, and Gromph wants to be the power behind the throne; except that Quenthel knows what he's trying to do and has been opposing him at every turn, disagreeing with anything he suggests simply because it was his suggestion, leading Triel to make dumb decisions because she won't consider any of his. This is a problem, and the Drow are only really good at one solution to problems. Murder. It, it's murder. If you didn't get that. Beradax expresses some concern over this (that facing down a powerful priestess in her own church is a suicide mission), but Gromph reminds her that something had changed at the academy, and that he will also be removing the enchantments that protect the school. Beradax eventually agrees, but before he will let her go to complete her task he casts a spell to shape shift her into something else. His task completed, Gromph returns to his office to prepare to meet another one of his agents. Moving away from Gromph, we are now introduced to a pair of Protagonists. If this was a couple of guys sitting around a table throwing dice, the above would have been some flavor text, and Gromph is an NPC (Non-Player-Character) controlled by the GM (Game Master). The two we are about to meet are absolutely PCs (Player Characters). Dissolution, Page 10 posted:As Pharaun Mizzrym and Ryld Argith strolled through the cool air, fresher than that pent up in Melee-Magthere, the latter looked about Tier Breche, realized he hadn't bothered to set foot outside in several days, and rather wondered why, for the view was as spectacular as ever.  Commas!We are finally given an proper introduction to the Academy, even if it is an incomplete one. For the first several years of life, young Drow boys and girls are given basic instruction within their House. Mothers don't typically raise their own children. Instead an elder female child, usually one recently returned from the Academy, is given the baby to foster. For girls, this means learning the secrets of the Spider Queen and divine magic, martial training, the superiority of the Drow generally, and female Drow in particular, and how best to torment and denigrate your inferiors - lesser races and males, specifically. For boys, it's limited martial and magical training, to see which you have a knack for, but mostly cleaning and trying to stay out of the way of your betters, lest you be subjected to a thousand little torments and tortures. Eventually all young drow are sent to Tier Breche, which is the combined name for all three schools of the Academy; Arach Tinilith, the convent where all female drow are sent to become priestesses of Lolth; Sorcere, where all males who have shown a modicum of magical talent are sent; and Melee Magthere, where all the other boys go to learn how to hit things. They generally have already learned how to take a hit. Arach Tinilith is shaped like a giant spider, Melee Magthere is a pyramid, and Sorcere is, of course, a Wizard Tower. Pharaun and Ryld are both Masters of the Academy, Sorcere and Melee Magthere respectively. This means they are actually teachers, though their lessons are less "Learning is Fun!" and more "Pop Quiz, try not to die". Pharaun, the Wizardliest Wizard that ever Wizarded, is described as looking like a foppish noble; slender, graceful, immaculate clothing and coiffure, while Ryld is built less like a frail Elf and more like a tall and burly human. He also doesn't wear the standard fantasy light and supple elven chainmail typical to his people, but actually wears Dwarf-made breastplate and vambraces, and wields a giant gently caress-off greatsword. Despite their obvious differences, or perhaps, because their interests are different enough that they have no reason to be rivals, they are friends. Well, as much of friends as a pair of Drow could ever be, anyway. Dissolution, Page 12-13 posted:"We drow don't love one another, except in the carnal sense," Pharaun remarked at last, "but I think one could almost love Menzoberranzan itself, don't you? Or at least take profound pride in it." Standing on a ledge overlooking the Academy and a good chunk of the city to boot, the two share a flask of brandy while Ryld contemplates their differences. Pharaun was born to a relatively powerful drow noble House (House Mizzrym), while Ryld was born a commoner and actually has no House of his own. While Pharaun is ambitious and scheming, ever looking to advance his position, Ryld had spent the years since his ascension to become a minor master guarding against threats from below, as he has no desire to climb higher. As such, his life has become rather stagnant, and he's essentially bored out his mind- his main excuse for hanging out with the wizard, as the arrogant fop is anything but dull. Pharaun decides to let Ryld in on what happened during his meeting with Gromph. If he doesn't want to die, Pharaun needs to complete a specific task. A number of males have gone AWOL from their Houses, and they haven't joined a merchant clan or the mercenary group Bregan D'aerthe either (a group we will, of course, discuss later). Their Matrons are pissed about it, but most interestingly they have specifically demanded that Gromph not look into the matter... meaning that if they learn about Pharaun's quest he is going to be very dead. Ryld tells him that they've most likely already fled into the Underdark, but Pharaun says that he already has some leads that are more local, and he suspects that if they are planning on leaving they are probably still making preparations. It's at about this point that Ryld realizes that Pharaun is roping him into his task, but he's fine with it since it's bound to be more interesting than the nothing he's been doing. Just as they finish the last of the brandy, something pops into existence over their heads, prompting Ryld to reach for his dagger as the chapter comes to an end. Piwafwi count, Chapter 1: 1 Piwafwi count, Total: 1 The first of many. RickVoid fucked around with this message at 19:34 on Oct 21, 2018 |
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Oct 16, 2018 06:27
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I started work on this about two years ago, and have abandoned it twice without ever actually posting it. So here's hoping having it up will actually force me to stick with it. I've almost got chapter two ready to go, and I really need to do a write-up about Menzoberranzan, the Houses and, sigh, loving Drizzt. I also need to get some graphics together.
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Oct 16, 2018 06:32
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Does he enclose his descriptions in parenthetical commas because he thinks they aren't important?
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Oct 17, 2018 02:49
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Completely forgot how useless and impractical drow society is. Really feels like a pissed off surface army could come in and smash half these idiots as they continue backstabbing each other.
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Oct 20, 2018 03:40
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TheGreatEvilKing posted:Completely forgot how useless and impractical drow society is. That basically happened in the book's recent history. One House marched on Mithril Hall to be dicks, which resulted in a poo poo-ton of pissed off Dwarves wrecking Menzoberranzan because they were too busy backstabbing each other to mount a successful defense. It's part of why the City is on shaky footing right now. We'll get back to that if I ever get around to writing it up. But yeah, they real reason it hasn't happened yet is a cross between "The Underdark is full of scary poo poo that wants to eat you (and has selectively chosen not to eat an obvious source of things to eat)" and "This is Salvatore's playground do not touch".
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Oct 20, 2018 05:43
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In on the ground floor and eager to read more about the stupid society based entirely on that one joke from Firefly.
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Oct 21, 2018 16:29
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It's odd how easy it is to write drow in a way that isn't so obviously a dude going through a divorce projecting onto paper but somebody has to not do it.
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Oct 21, 2018 16:35
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Panzeh posted:It's odd how easy it is to write drow in a way that isn't so obviously a dude going through a divorce projecting onto paper but somebody has to not do it. I mean, the most absolutely generous interpretation possible is that a better writer could maybe use the role reversal in their societies gender-power dynamics to point out how hosed up that kind of thing is but in practice it usually just comes out as 
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Oct 21, 2018 16:41
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Bob Quixote posted:I mean, the most absolutely generous interpretation possible is that a better writer could maybe use the role reversal in their societies gender-power dynamics to point out how hosed up that kind of thing is but in practice it usually just comes out as It probably certainly would from this group of writers. A better writer could probably write a profoundly inequitable, dysfunctional, and evil society in a way that makes far more sense than what we have here.
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Oct 21, 2018 17:14
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Panzeh posted:It probably certainly would from this group of writers. A better writer could probably write a profoundly inequitable, dysfunctional, and evil society in a way that makes far more sense than what we have here. Just re-write some already existing piece of dystopian fiction but throw in a lot more spiders and piwafwi's. OP, any idea of when you'll be ready to post the next chapter?
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Oct 21, 2018 17:37
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RickVoid posted:affect / effect You sure about that?
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Oct 21, 2018 17:51
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Bob Quixote posted:Just re-write some already existing piece of dystopian fiction but throw in a lot more spiders and piwafwi's. I'm a little more than halfway through typing up the next chapter. I've also written up some basic stuff on the Drow but I'm not super happy with it (mainly because it was late when I typed it up and it's pretty stream of conciousness, so I need to go back through it). SuperKlaus posted:You sure about that? Honestly, no. I'll take a look at it and check definitions when I'm not busy. EDIT: Affect is a verb, Effect is a noun. Editted the post to remove my mistake. Thank you Klaus. RickVoid fucked around with this message at 19:36 on Oct 21, 2018 |
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Oct 21, 2018 18:22
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RickVoid posted:loving Drizzt. Honestly I would not say Drizzt is that bad. He is a protagonist, not a mary sue, he has a large share of flaws. MonsterEnvy fucked around with this message at 04:03 on Oct 22, 2018 |
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Oct 21, 2018 21:51
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