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Hey y'all, just became enlightened the other day and wanted to share some of my gripes. Enlightenment is not all fun and games you know! On the bus yesterday the driver asked "would you like to buy a ticket?" I got confused and asked him who he was referring to exactly so he pointed at my spirit vessel and said "you". I posed the question to him: "who is the one who asks to buy a bus ticket?" Then he started calling me a crazy person and told me to get off the bus, even when I tried to politely explain to him that I have passed through the gateless gate, into the realm of the Dharmakāya where no 'self' or 'being' exists, he just would not listen and kicked me off. People always just assume that us enlightened folk are like them and create the perception of a 'self'. I'm totally equanimous about it of course but I would prefer it if people asked first. |
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Nov 14, 2018 09:21
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 17:16 |
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Me, a newly enlightened, floating incorporeal being serene and beautiful to behold: hey guys Friends: oh hey Me: *waiting for them to notice* Friends: uhh qhats up Me: uhhh notice anything different? Friends: uh not really why? Me: guyyys come on really? |
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Nov 14, 2018 14:11
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hot dog vendor: hi bud! I know what you want, "one with everything" again, right? *winks* me: actually today I feel like a salad
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Nov 14, 2018 18:23
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doctor: that's a nasty case of carpal tunnel me: it's all these concerts I've been going to [doctor looks at me quizzically] me: the one-handed clapping is killing me
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Nov 14, 2018 18:27
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Giving my chakras away for free on offerup because I don't even need them anymore, that's how enlightened I am.
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Nov 14, 2018 18:45
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*man at register, smiling as the cashier is unable to scan his roasted chicken* haha, i guess that means its free, huh? *me, wearing socks with sandals and holding prayer beads, as time itself begins to slow* actually, the very idea of using money to pay for the death of that chicken means nobody was ever free. you chained by the bonds of work for food, and the chicken. . .*man unable to process my enlightenment, begins to sweat as cashier shakes her head at yet another enlightening in her checkout* ---------------- |
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Nov 14, 2018 21:05
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those gripes are sour anyway OP |
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Nov 14, 2018 22:46
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Finally opened my third eye and now my glasses are 50% more expensive. |
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Nov 14, 2018 23:05
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Manifisto posted:doctor: that's a nasty case of carpal tunnel |
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Nov 15, 2018 05:53
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alnilam posted:Me, a newly enlightened, floating incorporeal being serene and beautiful to behold: hey guys You guys didn't notice the rat balls I painted on my forehead? It is the mark of a meditation master |
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Nov 15, 2018 05:56
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Peter Daou Bundy posted:*man at register, smiling as the cashier is unable to scan his roasted chicken* haha, i guess that means its free, huh? ---------------- |
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Nov 15, 2018 07:39
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In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my intelligence. |
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Nov 16, 2018 03:40
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Kontradaz posted:In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my intelligence. Ace post/avatar combo |
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Nov 16, 2018 15:34
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Peter Daou Bundy posted:*man at register, smiling as the cashier is unable to scan his roasted chicken* haha, i guess that means its free, huh? |
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Nov 18, 2018 16:29
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me: "... so in fact it's your own very desires that chain you down. your every day struggles and pains are merely the results of you inability of letting go of the drives of the flesh. only by renouncing your desire for material wealth and status will you be able to brea-" telemarketing boss: "you're fired" |
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Nov 18, 2018 16:33
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friend: hey man come take a shot with us me: uh... other friend: he doesn't drink friend: never? other friend: yeah no he's enlightened, so, he liberated himself from the disruptive desires that bind us to our mortal coil. he just feels awkward explaining it all the time friend: that's cool, man. I wish I could say that me (whispering to other friend): thank you... |
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Nov 18, 2018 20:06
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so liberated am I from the bonds of material wealth and worldly status that I, an enlightened being, am being escorted away from the Golden Corral salad bar for eating only leaves of lettuce and whispering "thank you" to each one for the last seven hours with no intention to pay, as money is the fuel to the end of mankind
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Nov 18, 2018 23:17
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I was gonna hold up a lotus flower in front of my students but I couldn't find one. How the crap can I impart wisdom if I can't find the right flowers?
I'm sewage flavored. |
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Nov 20, 2018 12:19
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Cubone posted:friend: hey man come take a shot with us |
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Nov 21, 2018 15:30
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google THIS posted:Finally opened my third eye and now my glasses are 50% more expensive. |
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Nov 22, 2018 00:21
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 17:16 |
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I had a techno-gnostic apocalypse once. I wrote about it in a blog.
“Torn between violence and disillusionment, I seem to myself a terrorist who, going out in the street to perpetrate some outrage, stops on the way to consult Ecclesiastes or Epictetus” - Emil Cioran |
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Nov 23, 2018 04:14
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