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There's a domme blogger/newspaper columnist named Mistress Matisse. I always found her weekly columns in The Stranger (indie paper out of Seattle) and her blog to be really cool because she'd go into the nitty gritty of the business side of things. She made reading about the most mundane aspects of being a pro domme, like about how she files her taxes and business expenses, actually pretty interesting! Also of course stories about clients (particularly the jerks she'd hang up on with a fierce "noooope"), events, and lots of tips about playing SSC. If you're into BDSM, or just curious about how pro's work, you might want to check her stuff out.
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Dec 5, 2018 20:41
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JacquelineDempsey posted:There's a domme blogger/newspaper columnist named Mistress Matisse. I always found her weekly columns in The Stranger (indie paper out of Seattle) and her blog to be really cool because she'd go into the nitty gritty of the business side of things. She made reading about the most mundane aspects of being a pro domme, like about how she files her taxes and business expenses, actually pretty interesting! Also of course stories about clients (particularly the jerks she'd hang up on with a fierce "noooope"), events, and lots of tips about playing SSC. If you're into BDSM, or just curious about how pro's work, you might want to check her stuff out. My main take away from hearing about sex work is that most of it just sounds boring and annoying. All the time spent getting ready, travelling to and from, hearing weird lonely people ramble about their depressing, boring lives etc. and having to act at least somewhat interested. Like the hourly number is good in abstract, but when you balance out the hours put into self promotion, scheduling and communicating with clients, preparation, transportation, supplies, testing, etc. it comes down to earth a bit. It's really the same as any other career in that to do well at it takes a lot of serious effort and time. cash crab posted:I know you're really more on the events coordination side of things, but I assume that you know your fair share of dedicated/professional dominates. How do people sort of typically get into that line of work? I ask because I know there's a place in my town that has a few professional doms on site that set up appointments and I am not trying to sound flippant when I say, it's hard for me to imagine walking into a place like that and going, "Here's my resume." Basically, how does one go from a place where you know you've got a certain aptitude for it and go into making it a career? Step 1: don't be male Step 2: be attractive and/or at least fit a niche interest Step 3: already be engaged in sex work Step 4: include it in what you offer Step 5: gradually transition increasingly over to just professionally hitting people This also goes for people who hear about like findom or other things that just sound like easy money/work. Pretty much all sex work involves a fuckton of effort and work to be good at and competitive in a field with a ton of cheap competition. Also I guess I'd add as an addendum that 'pretty good' in a recreational sense is entirely, completely different from 'good enough to charge enough money to be worth it and put up with all the bullshit.' Like I'm really good at cooking, but I'm wildly unqualified to be a head chef in a restaurant; that's how different they are. Source: close friends who do (bdsm and other) sex work Herstory Begins Now fucked around with this message at 09:38 on Dec 6, 2018 |
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Dec 6, 2018 09:16
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I have an extremely naive question: how does building friendships within the BDSM community differ from, say, intramural soccer? My own worldview is super vanilla and so for me, the idea of hanging out with people casually that were also a part of an intimate, serious BDSM scene the day before strikes me as weird. Like the kinds of casual conversations- it would feel weird to me personally to have a conversation about lovely politics or the new taco truck that popped up in town with a guy or girl that helped dominate my wife (or helped my wife dom me or whatever). Can you elaborate what your out-of-scene relationships look like?
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Jan 29, 2019 04:28
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areyoucontagious posted:I have an extremely naive question: how does building friendships within the BDSM community differ from, say, intramural soccer? My own worldview is super vanilla and so for me, the idea of hanging out with people casually that were also a part of an intimate, serious BDSM scene the day before strikes me as weird. Like the kinds of casual conversations- it would feel weird to me personally to have a conversation about lovely politics or the new taco truck that popped up in town with a guy or girl that helped dominate my wife (or helped my wife dom me or whatever). Can you elaborate what your out-of-scene relationships look like? Honestly, it's not all that different from the friendships you'd form in non-kink settings. For the most part, my scene friends and I talk about the same normal random poo poo that I talk about with my vanilla friends; politics, work, games, food, and the occasional bit of gossip about mutual friends (or people we don't like). There's just a few extra items that occasionally come up ("this guy showed me a neat new way to tie a chest harness", "can you help me figure out the details of this kidnapping scene", or whatever), but for the most part you stop feeling 'weird' about talking with folks who you've played with (or seen play) because it becomes a fairly normal part of your life. There's a phase new kinksters often go through where they're really obsessive and want to talk about kink all the time, but most folks grow out of that after a while and integrate kink as just another facet of who they are. To put it another way, you (or your wife) getting dominated might be a world-shattering experience the first time, but by the tenth time, it's not that big of a deal and it becomes pretty easy to have normal relationships outside of it (even with the individuals involved). That doesn't mean it's not still fun, but the shock factor wears off pretty quick.
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Jan 29, 2019 05:30
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Also, not everyone in the community is someone you're going to do stuff with. It's a minority. You might go to a party and only do something with one or two people (or none). The rest is just normal being at a party. You sit down next to someone, "omg I like your dress, where did you get it?" and have a normal conversation just like you would with a stranger from soccer. There are also things like classes or lunch/dinner meetups where there's nothing happening at all, the point is just to get to know each other or to learn things. It seems like you're thinking of a party where everyone there is either an FWB or an ex of yours, but that's really not a thing.
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Jan 29, 2019 05:54
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i like nice words
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Do people's sexuality determine which gender they prefer to partner with? For example, will straight people usually play with the opposite sex, or are they fine playing with the same sex? Or visa versa for gay folks.
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Feb 4, 2019 05:54
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Viola the Mad posted:Do people's sexuality determine which gender they prefer to partner with? For example, will straight people usually play with the opposite sex, or are they fine playing with the same sex? Or visa versa for gay folks. As a general trend, yes, but we do see people play with partners that they would not be interested in sexually. I've personally done a fair number of scenes with men (as a het cis male), generally for educational purposes or as a service top for events.
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Feb 4, 2019 18:56
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Lights posted:As PDR said above me, it's a lot harder to find people to do BDSM with than it is to just have sex, and especially for bottoms, it's a risky proposition to meet a stranger and put yourself into a position of helplessness. Ignorant question: are the subs in these scenarios *actually* helpless? I had though play involved a lot of non-locking handcuffs, breakaway ties etc so people could be 'restrained' while not being restrained-restrained. If people are actually in situations where they can't release themselves, how do you deal with emergency evacuation? Very, very serious fire-marshall policy?
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Feb 11, 2019 12:27
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Preparation. Restraints designed to be difficult for the sub to get out of but easily removed with help, and carrying paramedics' shears to get someone out of rope bondage that there is no fast way to remove, as examples.
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Feb 12, 2019 00:42
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The Lone Badger posted:Ignorant question: are the subs in these scenarios *actually* helpless? I had though play involved a lot of non-locking handcuffs, breakaway ties etc so people could be 'restrained' while not being restrained-restrained. As LC said, preparation is key. Generally most restraints are super easy to remove, with the exception of rope, and any rope top worth playing with will have a way of cutting a rope in an emergency, whether it's safety shears, a seatbelt cutter, or just a sharp knife. Even if the rope top doesn't, the playspace monitors at most spaces will (ideally) be carrying safety shears, or at least know the location of a pair. Most bottoms probably COULD escape from most bondage if the situation were dire enough, as well. Most rope can be loosened with time and dedication, and enough sweat and effort will allow you to slip many types of leather restraints. Properly fit handcuffs are harder, but they're also not very common in public play.
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Feb 13, 2019 02:36
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I also meant apportioning responsibility. Is there a rule that restrained people must never be left on their own ever? Are there designated marshalls given very serious responsibility to make sure everyone is freed and evacuated?
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Feb 13, 2019 02:48
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The Lone Badger posted:I also meant apportioning responsibility. Is there a rule that restrained people must never be left on their own ever? Are there designated marshalls given very serious responsibility to make sure everyone is freed and evacuated? It is considered EXCEPTIONALLY bad etiquette for a top to leave a bound bottom alone for any reason whatsoever. Any instance of a top doing so without some kind of amazingly exceptional reason are generally the kind of offenses that find someone dis-invited from the community, either via being officially banned, or poo poo-talked and shunned so heavily that they wouldn't care to attend anything. There are not marshalls, but in the event of an emergency evacuation, staff would ensure that any bound bottoms were released as part of the "warn everyone that it's time to GTFO" phase of things (at least, at my venue that's the case). I've never heard of an instance where a bottom was left behind / bound after a scene.
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Feb 13, 2019 03:10
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How do you deal with people who want to bring toys/equipment from home? Is there some kind of checkoff system where a monitor inspects each piece as being safe and suitable? Or is it all based on that person's community rep for knowing what they're doing? How difficult was it to obtain insurance?
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Feb 13, 2019 03:39
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As a builder of fetish furniture, "How hard would this be to actually bust out of if you NEED to" is a definite design factor. Everything I put out is meant to break away if serious force is applied, unless the purchaser specifically wants something "struggle-proof".
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Feb 13, 2019 21:10
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Javid posted:As a builder of fetish furniture, "How hard would this be to actually bust out of if you NEED to" is a definite design factor. Everything I put out is meant to break away if serious force is applied, unless the purchaser specifically wants something "struggle-proof". Please tele everything about the economics of being a fetish equipment builder / supplier. Is it your main income? Are you an established entity (i.e. webpage, business) or just a word of mouth dude? What’s your location relative to a major population center? How far away are your most distant customers? How did you get into this? What’s he premium you charge? What design features do you include to make sure stuff could be broken out of in an emergency but is stable enough for regular play?
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Feb 20, 2019 01:39
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Javid posted:As a builder of fetish furniture, "How hard would this be to actually bust out of if you NEED to" is a definite design factor. Everything I put out is meant to break away if serious force is applied, unless the purchaser specifically wants something "struggle-proof". The question of 'what does someone do if their play partner has a heart attack' (or client in the case of sex work; or any other comparable event) really is an extremely important question in 1v1 settings.
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Feb 22, 2019 02:24
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Herstory Begins Now posted:The question of 'what does someone do if their play partner has a heart attack' (or client in the case of sex work; or any other comparable event) really is an extremely important question in 1v1 settings. Yeah, definitely, but there also are people who straight up won't buy something they can intentionally break out of. We have legit lost sales over that, before they even bother asking if it can be upgraded. I... don't fully get it, but ok. JIZZ DENOUEMENT posted:Please tele everything about the economics of being a fetish equipment builder / supplier. The shop is currently 4 people and is nobody's main income, but we're more or less poised to break through to where it could be with some recent exposure we've had. We've been selling on etsy since... 2015? I think. But referrals are definitely a significant chunk of our new business. The shop is in southern OR, not really near anything you'd call a "big" city, but it isn't total banjo country either. The owner started making vanilla beds and sold jack poo poo, then a random person who rented his airbnb with the beds in it suggested he attach some bondage accessories to it. He did and put it on the store and it sold immediately. I came in about six months later, a relative of the owner was a customer at my at-the-time job who saw some small woodcrafts I had made and was selling and connected me with her uncle who needed wood shop help. It's just kinda snowballed from there. I dunno about "premium", we make a comfortable margin on top of materials and labor and etc. Our most expensive poo poo (king bed w/ cage) is the single most ordered item, so apparently our prices are alright. A house with some of it went viral a couple weeks ago so we're trying to turn that publicity into enough sales to expand the operation. I'm excited about the possibilities there.
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Feb 22, 2019 03:01
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Javid posted:Yeah, definitely, but there also are people who straight up won't buy something they can intentionally break out of. We have legit lost sales over that, before they even bother asking if it can be upgraded. I... don't fully get it, but ok. If it's the house I'm thinking of your craftsmanship looks extremely legit, so good job
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Feb 22, 2019 04:43
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Chard posted:If it's the house I'm thinking of your craftsmanship looks extremely legit, so good job
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Feb 23, 2019 02:07
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Javid posted:Yeah, definitely, but there also are people who straight up won't buy something they can intentionally break out of. We have legit lost sales over that, before they even bother asking if it can be upgraded. I... don't fully get it, but ok. Link ur stuff my friend
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Jul 18, 2019 20:27
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