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I just paid for online training and certification in agile and prince but I can't really say what any of this bullshit means beyond buzzwords and most of the course content is just a sales pitch for the technique you've already committed to learning. The fumes of my org psych degree and saville and hogan consultancy suites seem positively weighty by comparison.
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Feb 27, 2019 00:33
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Just put the certifications on your resume. Literally no one is checking to see if they're legit. By the way, I earned the Medal of Honor twice. Don't google it just trust me.
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Feb 27, 2019 00:57
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F
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Feb 27, 2019 01:01
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I have a PMP who wants to suck my fat management cock
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Feb 27, 2019 01:09
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The other day the owner of my company gave a bizarre, cocainey presentation explaining how great it was that we were a "flat" company. It basically means nobody can ever get promoted because there's nowhere to go, and everyone has to do a lot of work that wouldn't normally be in their job description. For example, I'm a technician but I also have to go after people who don't pay their repair bills, and handle a lot of other stuff that would normally be done by the sort of division we're too flat to have. It's apparently really good for
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Feb 27, 2019 01:41
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A flat company sounds like a perfect reason to coast without putting in more than the minimum. What do you have to miss out on?
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Feb 27, 2019 02:08
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d0s posted:The other day the owner of my company gave a bizarre, cocainey presentation explaining how great it was that we were a "flat" company. It basically means nobody can ever get promoted because there's nowhere to go, and everyone has to do a lot of work that wouldn't normally be in their job description. For example, I'm a technician but I also have to go after people who don't pay their repair bills, and handle a lot of other stuff that would normally be done by the sort of division we're too flat to have. It's apparently really good for That sounds Lean af, nice
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Feb 27, 2019 02:30
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Moon Atari posted:I just paid for online training and certification in agile and prince but I can't really say what any of this bullshit means beyond buzzwords and most of the course content is just a sales pitch for the technique you've already committed to learning. The fumes of my org psych degree and saville and hogan consultancy suites seem positively weighty by comparison. How to prove your Agile: when a fucktard starts taking too long during a stand up yell at them to shut the hell up and sit down. (Especially if it's a manager that won't shut up) You'll be a day one office hero. BexGu fucked around with this message at 03:28 on Feb 27, 2019 |
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Feb 27, 2019 03:18
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BexGu posted:How to prove your Agile: when a fucktard starts taking too long during a stand up yell at them to shut the hell up and sit down. (Especially if it's a manager that won't shut up) the "people taking too long to talk at standup meetings" problem is literally caused by scrum itself - you wouldn't need a solution if you didn't have the meetings.
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Feb 27, 2019 03:28
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Ehhh it's worth while to have a 15 min meeting to figure out what's going on. It actually does keep people honest and makes an easy way to ask for help/ bring up items that are slowing down people. People just ruin it by talking too much.
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Feb 27, 2019 03:34
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I used to work for a government department that ran Lean *Christmas parties were a $10/employee credit towards buying food at a group lunch. We still had to make the time up past our normal half hour lunch break and attendance was mandatory *Software: We used LotusNotes as our CMS for our knowledge base because the department already had a deal with IBM. it is not meant to be used as a CMS and god knows how many hours it took to hack a search engine into it. * QA at our work was essentially a way to manage people out of positions. You could make something that is accepted by the client first time and get yelled at by your manager for not highlighting hyperlinks in Lotus's code view (since its not a proper IDE there were requirements to annotate code like this for the sake of "readability") * Our travel budget, despite having two workers offsite was ~$1000NZD/year. We didn't see them in person much haha *Aside from one union settlement that boosted our pay pretty significantly, yearly raises were effectively cancelled. *Everyone was constantly unhappy and wanting to leave. Meetings would turn into an hour long airing of grievances by the less conflict averse members of the team (not my goony rear end) which achieved gently caress all. *We have zero access to/authority to install an SVN,bug ticketing systems, proper IDEs or pretty much anything else that a real development team uses. 2 years after leaving and I still have stress dreams about the place 
Tofuslob fucked around with this message at 03:58 on Feb 27, 2019 |
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Feb 27, 2019 03:55
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Play posted:It's good to work with people who view you as family rather than cogs to be abused and replaced whenever necessary. And I give them good work in return, much better work than I would if I hated the situation Honestly I'm never going back to the private sector, if you work at a well funded non-profit that you believe in life is pretty awesome. Except the pay, I would easily, easily be making 40% more with a definable subset of my job in the private sector and also be miserable. Also I would rather shoot myself then work in Development.
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Feb 27, 2019 05:13
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There’s a good book about all these bullshit Silicon Valley-inspired work cults called Lab Rats. Lean was originally developed for manufacturing as just another iteration of Taylorism that spread to all other departments of the companies that adopted it by management blindly jamming square pegs into round holes. Agile was a management style specifically designed for software development that turned into an all-encompassing quasi-religion in the corporate world and its original drafters say over 90% of iterations they see passed off as “Agile” are total bullshit. It’s all cargo cult nonsense that management uses as they see fit, mostly to wring productivity out of an overworked and miserable workforce before they eventually fire everyone and replace them with cheaper college grads who they will mentally torture with newer and more nonsensical work philosophies like Holacracy. Rhesus Pieces fucked around with this message at 07:04 on Feb 27, 2019 |
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Feb 27, 2019 07:01
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Pretty typical in my industry, I do up a huge bid, company wants to sit down to discuss. Go there they say “well we want to use you but your price is X and another company’s price is Y (Y being way lower), can you do it for Y? “We cannot but I’ve already taken the liberty of preparing another bid price Z using cost saving alternates and minimizing which personnel we have on site” “Well Z is still higher than Y, can you do it for Y?” “Nope sorry, we cannot, but if you change you mind please let me know I look forward to bidding on the next project” *8 months later* “Company with Y bid is loving everything up can you give me a price to finish the work we’re only a third in” Every loving time, I take what I would have priced it for add 20% and 9 times out of 10 get the PO the next day. Love that leeeeaaan
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Feb 27, 2019 07:21
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My coworker saw one of the IT dorks we have to deal with sometimes had "Scrum master" in their title and after explaining it he says "how does a self respecting professional put the word scrum anywhere near their name" lol Our IT department is one of the biggest disorganized jokes of blind leading the blind fuckery I've encountered in a work setting before
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Feb 27, 2019 07:54
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kazr posted:
That’s every IT dept
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Feb 27, 2019 08:31
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5er posted:Convergys call center strategy is maintaining a hostile work environment so that the temp-to-hires quit before their six month trial period is up, and to use any threadbare excuse to fire the rest within a certain cut that don't quit, for any bullshit reason, because it costs less to pay the state fines on uncontested unemployment claims than to actually maintain employees with entitlements. Never work anywhere where everyone except exempt/salaried staff are mandatory required to participate in quarterly shift bids. Can agree to this, currently with them. Though they just got bought out by Concentrix, which is apparently supposed to be even harsher. Place is miserable, training of new material and tools is a 10 minute slideshow presentation and being told to look at the IKB. I managed to get into a less insane department that is actually pretty lax and it feels like a lucky break for myself. The shift bidding still makes the team bitter towards each other and encourages lovely behavior. You can see it in the HR person's eyes that they are dead inside and have given their souls to corporate. The company also bit off more than it could chew with the client contract, so to meet those unrealistic expectations they demand the workers do more and more poo poo that wasn't in their job description. No phones, no un-laminated paper, and no writing utensils that aren't dry erase markers! Wicker Man fucked around with this message at 15:08 on Feb 27, 2019 |
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Feb 27, 2019 15:05
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Just want to say that as a result of my department implementing lean we had to hire two additional people lmfao. It’s such cargo cult horse poo poo. They went in and told management what they wanted to hear and then told the workers what they wanted to hear and magically it just created this clusterfuck that accomplished neither of those things. It just baffles me that people get paid huge sums of money for the sole purpose of managing a department and can’t even tell if it’s doing better or worse after a massive overhaul.
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Feb 27, 2019 15:23
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1500quidpoocati posted:Just want to say that as a result of my department implementing lean we had to hire two additional people lmfao. it’s because employees do the same thing as the lean consultants, and tell their leaders exactly what they want to hear. otherwise it might create more work for them the concept of “do some more work now, to do much less work in the future” is a shockingly rare outlook in corporate life. most people see doing anything as a temporary interruption from farting around on amazon, Facebook, whatever the real secret is to put in some extra work early on to lower the amount of bullshit, then you end up with more and more free time. Captain Beans fucked around with this message at 15:43 on Feb 27, 2019 |
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Feb 27, 2019 15:38
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Captain Beans posted:the real secret is to put in some extra work early on to lower the amount of bullshit, then you end up with more and more free time. If you have free time you or one of your coworkers is no longer needed and will soon be let go. That's called keeping it lean.
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Feb 27, 2019 15:49
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Wicker Man posted:Can agree to this, currently with them. Though they just got bought out by Concentrix, which is apparently supposed to be even harsher. My heart goes out to you. I hope you can get poached out of that beartrap of a job by a better employer soon, before you become too embittered, or actually develop a health complication from being too close to their cancer for too long.
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Feb 27, 2019 17:35
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Captain Beans posted:the concept of “do some more work now, to do much less work in the future” is a shockingly rare outlook in corporate life. when corporate might fire you just to make the next quarter's profit margin look better, "the future" can be a pretty arbitrary word
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Feb 27, 2019 18:45
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Wicker Man posted:, no un-laminated paper, and no writing utensils that aren't dry erase markers! What's this about?
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Feb 27, 2019 19:07
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shut up blegum posted:What's this about? Probably for data protection (to prevent employees from writing down any customer personal information). See also: the recent article on the horrible lives of facebook moderators, which is essentially run like the worst call centre hell possible: https://www.theverge.com/2019/2/25/18229714/cognizant-facebook-content-moderator-interviews-trauma-working-conditions-arizona
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Feb 27, 2019 19:23
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d0s posted:The other day the owner of my company gave a bizarre, cocainey presentation explaining how great it was that we were a "flat" company. It basically means nobody can ever get promoted because there's nowhere to go, and everyone has to do a lot of work that wouldn't normally be in their job description. For example, I'm a technician but I also have to go after people who don't pay their repair bills, and handle a lot of other stuff that would normally be done by the sort of division we're too flat to have. It's apparently really good for Yeah I worked at companies like that, and ended up running them for the owners making them rich while I stayed poor and now im working for a company where everyone has an actual job and I make way more money and my job is easier.
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Feb 27, 2019 19:59
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bruvs be4 luvs
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Captain Beans posted:it’s because employees do the same thing as the lean consultants, and tell their leaders exactly what they want to hear. otherwise it might create more work for them Trust me from experience: the worst thing you can do in an office environment is get your work done quickly and look like you’ve got nothing to do. I mentioned that I’m slightly ahead of where I need to be for the deadline of our business time of year and now I’m covering for my old department for two days setting me behind.
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Feb 27, 2019 20:24
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Problem with any standup meeting is the goal is not effective communication but LOOK HOW BUSY/PRODUCTIVE I AM. On paper it shouldnt be, but it always is because your boss and other teammates are around and its one of the rare times to do it. Prisoners dillema turns everyone into bragging windbags
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Mar 1, 2019 21:36
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shut up blegum posted:What's this about? Enfys posted:Probably for data protection (to prevent employees from writing down any customer personal information). Bingo, if you need something printed you need a manager to do it. Then it needs to be laminated. 5er posted:My heart goes out to you. I hope you can get poached out of that beartrap of a job by a better employer soon, before you become too embittered, or actually develop a health complication from being too close to their cancer for too long. Appreciate it, this is one of those places where almost everyone uses up sick days and calls in just within the acceptable limits.
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Mar 2, 2019 00:59
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1500quidpoocati posted:Trust me from experience: the worst thing you can do in an office environment is get your work done quickly and look like you’ve got nothing to do. whoa now I never said to actually look like you have nothing to do or worse tell people you have free time, that’s a crazy move. you still need to look ‘busy’ it also depends on your boss’s physical proximity to you Captain Beans fucked around with this message at 02:45 on Mar 6, 2019 |
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Mar 6, 2019 01:29
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Captain Beans posted:whoa now I never said to actually look like you have nothing to do or worse tell people you have free time, that’s a crazy move. you still need to look ‘busy’ A good trick is to show up to *every* loving meeting, and have some input at least once. Nobody might know who you are but god dammit, you sure appear like you're involved with everything. If you're at every meeting possible, when nobody can find you, they'll assume you must be in a meeting. When it comes time to arbitrarily downsize a department, your name will probably get taken out of the hat because 'dude's at every meeting, he's productive and contributes.'
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Mar 6, 2019 14:56
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That's how I get left alone at work. Always keep my ppe on (safety glasses etc) and make sure I'm always carrying my notebook/clipboard and wearing a frown on my stupid face. People say "wow Canada you are always going somewhere and doing something" and I just grunt at them, frown, and then make my way from one smoking area to another one on the other side of site where someone says "wow Canada you are always going somewhere..."
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Mar 6, 2019 15:21
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Rutibex posted:no I'm talking about this LOL at "not talking politics" and linking to a far-right think tank study flogged by a national news corp owned by American investment bankers, you credulous rube
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Mar 6, 2019 15:50
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deported to Canada posted:That's how I get left alone at work. Always keep my ppe on (safety glasses etc) and make sure I'm always carrying my notebook/clipboard and wearing a frown on my stupid face. Its also how you can get into any secured environment! No one stops a pissed off dude with a clip board.
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Mar 6, 2019 17:23
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It's also how it got mistaken for senior management last week by one of our directors. Naturally, I just grunted, frowned and walked off for a smoke.
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Mar 6, 2019 17:31
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